Hey there, Patrons!
I was combing through my short fics to see what caught my fancy and near the bottom of the bin was this very short little treasure.
It’s a Jurassic Park/World and Five Nights at Freddy’s crossover.
And it’s tagged as a Romance.
Soooo … That’s a thing that exists. Let’s look at the summary, shall we?
InGen and Fazbear Entertainment come together to recreate the popular FFP and Jurassic World!
With two companies with such sterling track records regarding customer safety I can’t see how that would ever go wrong, but I can’t help but notice that a theme park featuring genetically engineered organisms doesn’t have much in common with a children’s party restaurant. There might be a pizzeria inside Jurassic World somewhere, probably the food court because there’s always a food court, but the summary makes it sound as if the two things are completely equal.
Welcome home! Rated M for language, violence, and suggestive themes.
Oh, I don’t like that.
Read and please please PLEASE review. Fem! Mangle and Fem! OC. Couldn’t find JJ in the character list, just put her as OC. Please review. If you read, review review review!
Do you think the author wants reviews?
Hello, dear Patrons, and welcome to the last chapter of the fic! Now, I can’t actually remember if this fic is listed as being completed or if it is one of the many abandoned fics that have made their way to the Library, and I’m too lazy to actually go check so it will be a surprise for all of us when we get to the end.
The last chapter ended with a small nugget of what passes for excitement, with the explosive death of Springtrap and the arrival of a (possibly unrelated) Generic Purple Spirit that is exceedingly polite and doesn’t just attack Jack after delivering what I assume is meant to be a threat. Since it is the last chapter, the Generic Purple Spirit will probably threaten and/or attack, someone (either Aku or the Generic Purple Spirit) will steal Jack’s sword – but Jack will get it back within a paragraph or two, kick moderate ass, the ‘time machine’ will either be fake or somehow be destroyed just before Jack can use it, Aku will run off (while laughing evilly, no doubt) and then everything will return to the status quo.
Let’s see if I’m right!
Chapter 7: The Purple Spirit
It’s prose shall be both florid and insubstantial! Truly one of the most terrifying of all spectral entities.
Hello and Happy Valentine’s Day, dear Patrons! If you find yourself still looking for love in all the wrong places, we have an entire clan of ninjas that can locate damn near anything except missing socks available and they have very reasonable rates.
Welcome to the penultimate chapter! I know, if feels like it’s been going on forever. I gave up keeping count of which night we’re on a long time ago. Third? Fourth? Ninety-fifth? Somewhere in there.
The previous chapter ended on what I guess could technically be called a cliffhanger, as Springtrap had stolen Jack’s sword. Jack will no doubt rush out and reclaim his blade very quickly, so I’m not overly worried about any dramatic tension building. It might cut into the time Jack can spend glaring at things.
Now, on to the fic!
Chapter 6: Finding the Sword
:points into the Void:
It’s over there! Probably.
Hello, dear Patrons, and welcome to more crossover blandness.
In our last chapter, there was a big showdown between Aku and Jack! And by “showdown” I mean that Aku stole the magic sword but Jack almost immediately got it back because reasons.
Also, questionable pizza was involved.
On to the next chapter!
Chapter 5: Aku Finds Springtrap
I theorized in the last chapter that Aku was likely going to cycle through the animatronics and possess them in turn so that Jack could “battle” (I use the term extremely loosely) each one singly, and this is only reinforcing that opinion.
Aku needed to find a new source to help him in his quest against the pesky samurai,
Because for some reason, just attacking him directly, or carpet-bombing the restaurant, or anything that might accomplish the goal of killing Jack is out of the question.
as the night went on, Jack continued to monitor the animaltronics through the cameras.
This is like watching a Minecraft tutorial, only less interesting because nothing gets accomplished and there’s significantly less chance someone will get attacked by the pixelated undead.
Hello, dear Patrons, and welcome to more … whatever this trainwreck is.
In the last chapter there was a confrontation between Jack and Aku, until Aku got bored and wandered off. Then some other stuff happened, but no one really cares about that because it probably isn’t important.
Also, the Big Book of Ponderations for Sleepless Nights is still here, hovering in the corner, and a cluster of raccoons has built a shrine that mostly looks to be made of tin foil and apple cores around it. Not sure where the raccoons came from, but I’ve learned not to question things too closely.
Chapter 4: Sensing Aku
Is it really that hard to find a near-omnipotent shape-shifting demon who rules the entire universe?
Jack was awaiting the next night when he was doing his best during the day to try to hunt for Aku.
From inside the pizza restaurant, where he’s locked up until the five nights have passed. All Aku would have to do to get away is just … Leave.
It’s almost as if this fic is designed to suck all the dramatic tension out of itself.
Hello, dear Patrons, and welcome back to yet another chapter where I’m sure very little is going to happen. Maybe just some glaring, or Jack will draw his sword a few more times.
I really hope Aku doesn’t try to make things ‘interesting’ again, because the Big Book of Ponderations for Sleepless Nights is back because I literally cannot get rid of it. Leaving it on a bus didn’t work, dropping it off a pier didn’t work, I tossed it into Crunchy’s volcano and when I got back to the bunker it was waiting for me with a cup of hot cocoa that tastes faintly of brimstone.
I mean, it is very likely cursed and is not the birthday gift I wanted but there are marshmallows and hey – free cocoa.
Hello, dear Patrons, and welcome to another chapter of crossover hi-jinks. In the first chapter, Jack was contracted by a Mysterious Billionaire to stay for five nights in an abandoned and/or haunted restaurant, where he basically just glared at the animatronics for a bit before the clock ran out.
:flips through notes, which are mostly doodles of monkeys wearing bowties:
That was basically it.
Chapter 2: Onto Second Night
Let’s get this trainwreck moving down the tracks.
Jack continued to maintain the cameras as he gazed upon the animaltronics that were moving about throughout the restaurant in question.
The animatronics do tend to get more active as the game progresses, because difficulty curve, but it’s just the second night and they are already running rampant.
The samurai grew tired of watching the cameras and winding up the music box.
Which he can do from the safety of the office, because game-play mechanics.
As soon as it became 6 A.M.
Complete sentence not.
For the first night everything was over.
Hold up – the first night? We’re still on the first night?
Damn, but this thing does drag like a dog with a turd stuck to its tail.