Lina: You’re joking, right? We’re still doing this?
Yeah, I know. Life got a little sticky and I haven’t had the chance to find anything else to work on. Hell, I’ve had a hard enough time getting guest riffs scheduled, as I’m sure everyone has noticed.
Lina: Yeah, you did sort of fuck that all up, didn’t you.
I’d be mad at you for that, but it’s true. Anyway, the last time we met-
Lina: Eons ago.
-Tails and Cream had a study session that ended without sexy-times.
Lina: Thank God.
Did anything else happen? I honestly can’t remember.
Lina: I honestly don’t think it matters.
Let’s just get to the next chapter, then.
Lina: You just can’t quit this, can you?
It’s more than I’m lazy and this has more chapters. Shall we get on with it?
Lina: Sure. Last time, Sonic and Tails have a lover’s spat, then Knuckles and Espio capoeira’ed around each other for a bit before making out in the hallway. That’s about it.
This next chapter is called “Tails and Cream.”
Lina: I thought that sobbing voicemail you left me meant you weren’t doing this fic again until you found something else to work on.
I ran out of time to find another one. That’s why you’re here today.
Lina: I’m not doing this on my own. I only have a half-hour break from work.
You make your own hours.
Lina: Yeah, and I made it so I only have half an hour so I won’t have to riff this with you for very long.
Touché. Well, shall we?
Lina: What did I miss?
Rouge had her baby in the cafeteria over lunch time, Knuckles was the father, Shadow killed-not-killed his mother in order to protect her from Eggman, Amy’s room was rearranged, and Espio and Knuckles are going to have a throw down because they both slept with Rouge.
Lina: … Bloody hell.
I can’t. I just can’t keep this up.
*Lyle is dragged into her office by Koori*
Koori: Your public needs you, Miss Lyle. You have no choice.
But this trollfic is sapping my will to live! Please! You do it this week!
Koori: I have to take Barty to the vet again. It’s been on the calendar for weeks. I can’t cancel on this short of notice; they have to do special set up for him and you know he won’t let anyone else hold his fin when he gets his vaccines.
Koori: Ask Lina to do it. *pushes Lyle down onto her chair and then vanishes in a swirl of leaves*
Maybe I will! *presses a few buttons on her cell phone*
Goddamnit. *presses another button* Voicemail.
Fine. I’ll do it this week but next week I’m going to start alternating this piece of shit with a new fic.
So, summing up the last chapter, Espio decided he didn’t want Rouge to have his baby, so he and Sonic slipped her a “bortion” pill to make her lose said fetus. However, since she was apparently 9 months along and not 1 day along, she went into labor in the middle of the cafeteria instead. The school nurse shows up, along with some convenient privacy curtains, and Rouge ends up having a baby that looks like Knuckles. Drama. Wee ha-ha.
Oh, did I mention this author thinks babies come out of a woman’s anus? Yeah. This is why I’m going back to an alternating schedule.
Warning? There’s some talk of abortion in this one, although it’s pretty stupidly handled by DarkDoomFireMaster (surprise, surprise) It’s pretty mild but if you’re sensitive, feel free to skip it.
No Dennis today?
Koori: He had some things he said he needed to take care of at the DRD in order to transfer over to the Library. He’s planning on telling them that he’s going to infiltrate us or something.
Gotcha. That gives us some time to set up some classes to break his redundancy habit. We can work on that when we’re done with today. Would you care to do our recap?
Koori: Sure. In the last chapter, Espio told everyone at school that he and Rouge had sex – if you could call what they did sex – but then told everyone it was a secret and to not tell anyone else. Sonic couldn’t find Amy at school so he went to her house to look for her. There he found her tied to the bed with an unidentified something stuffed in her mouth. Turns out she saw Shadow preparing to kill his mother so he tied her up and *gasp* rearranged her bedroom!
That’s not a euphemism, people. He literally tied her up, messed up her room, and left.
Koori: The entire part about a murderous Shadow is swept under the rug, however, as Sonic proceeds to get the important answer on whether or not Amy will sex with him. Amy tells him she needs to think about it and they go back to school, only to find that Rouge is somehow pregnant already to the point of showing.
And with that, let’s get to the next chapter, titled “Things Change.”
Good morning, lovelies!
*glances at the stats list* Who the fuck is Dennis?
Dennis: Hi and salutations. My name is Dennis Dennison. It’s a pleasure, and I’m happy to be here.
Koori, did you bring the DRD agent that we locked in the closet?!
Koori: He didn’t want to go back. With all my increased duties lately, I figured I could use an intern.
Interns don’t have interns! That would just be redun-
*glances at Dennis, who grins back*
Oh, fine. Whatever. Let’s just get the next chapter done, okay? Anyone want to do the recap?
Dennis: There was lots of sex happening as two characters had invisible sex without being able to be seen by anybody else.
That’s actually a lot more to the point than I thought a DRD agent would be able to accomplish. This next chapter is called “Teenage Women.”
Koori: Sexist Bigot counter on standby! *sets it on the desk*
-Explicit Sexual Content Warning-
*sigh* This chapter is NSFW. I can’t believe I had to put this up here… seriously. I didn’t see this coming.
*Lyle flounches into her office, a brightly colored Play-Skool style rotary phone in her hands. She plomps it down on her desk at the same instant she drops into her chair*
Merry Winter Holiday of Your Choice! I think the last time I counted, there are at least… uhm… *ticks off fingers and mutters under her breath* Christmas, Hanukkah, Festivus, Saturnalia, Winter Solstice, sometimes Eid Al-Adha depending on how the calendar falls… this year it was in September, though, but I’m still counting it because it’ll eventually be in December again…. Yule, Kwanzaa…
Well, you get the picture. Winter is a time when things are cold as hell and people need a reason to celebrate. Almost every culture has a winter holiday. So whichever you observe, I hope it was fantabulous.
*glances out the still-open door*
Koori: *drags an anvil into the room* What the hell, Miss Lyle? What are we even going to use this for?
I’m sure something will come up. For now, stick it next to my desk. I’ll put my new phone on it.
Koori: Why didn’t you ask Lina to carry this? She’s the one with super-human vampire strength!
I promised your dads that I’d make sure you kept up with your training. This is good for you. Now, less talk, more anvil Feng-shui.
Now, while Koori gets that into place, let’s get on with today’s riff. Last time, Sonic received a very peculiar fortune cookie that told him he’d be happy if he finally confessed his lust for Tails, but he totally misinterpreted the message and instead had Tails help him to help Espio get ready to have sex with Rogue. To do this, they gave Espio an invisibility… hat. I couldn’t make this shit up if I tried.