1669: How to train you Dinosaur – Oneshot

 

Title: How to train you Dinosaur
Author: hero101
Media: Movie/TV Show
Topic: How to Train Your Dragon/Prehistoric Park/Big Bang Theory
Genre: Adventure/”Humor”
URL: Chapter 1
Critiqued by Ghostcat 

 

 

 

Hello, dear Patrons!

I’m here with another oneshot that continues my journey through the weirdness that is Crossover Country. This particular fic is listed as a crossover between the 2000 film Dinosaur (a film about an Iguanadon raised by lemurs) and the How to Train Your Dragon franchise, but then there’s this in the summary;

this Story is a Triple Crossover with Aladar, Toothless, Hiccup, and Sheldon. But when Sheldon pulls the Biggest Prank, All of the Four Characters gets Electrocuted, and were Send to Somewhere.

The fic is actually a triple crossover! Because trying to reconcile multiple disparate canons always works out so well. Aladar is the main character from Dinosaur and Hiccup and Toothless are from HTTYD, but I have no idea who Sheldon is. Must be an OC or someone from the unknown third canon.

Also, it looks like the author was visited by Ike the Italics Demon’s cousin Randall The Random Capitalization Imp.

Hey guys I’m back from Thanksgiving Break, and I hope You like this Story, and I’ll see you next time.

Well, that’s certainly pertinent information for me to have now, at the end of January, well after any holiday breaks would have occurred.

This Story starts Up after the Second crossover of Disney’s Dinosaur, and Prehistoric Park in Three Years Later.

It would seem that this fic is a sequel to another fic, but I cannot find the first fic anywhere. It’s not one written by the author, and I haven’t been able to locate it anywhere on ff.net. But at least now I know what the third canon is – Prehistoric Park. This show grew out of the Walking with series of documentaries (best know for Walking with Dinosaurs) which blended together live action backgrounds with digitally created creatures (and the occasional model or puppet for close-ups) to create a nature documentary style show about extinct animals. Among the Walking with shows there were two Chased by series, Chased by Dinosaurs and Chased by Sea Monsters, which are also nature style documentaries of the “excitable host constantly wants to touch the dangerous animals” variety where the host (In this case, Nigel Marven and his long-suffering film crew.) was sent back to different time periods to observe different extinct animals. Prehistoric Park continued along this line, but expanding on the narrative as specimens were collected to be brought back to the eponymous wildlife preserve.

Prehistoric Park, Herbivore Plains

I assume this is a scene tag of some sort, but it doesn’t actually give a location. There are a number of enclosures and paddocks for herbivores, each with a different name.

In a Plain Field was Calm, and Quiet.

:alarms blare:

I hope Calm and Quiet like company, because I think the DRD are on their way.

:loud roars and panicked screams:

Luckily, I have my own prehistoric pet.

Until Two Little Dinosaurs name: Talin, and Charon.

I thought their names were Calm and Quiet?

They were playing Tag, like they Always Do.

You know, that thing that these characters who were introduced mere seconds ago are so well known for doing.

“I’m gonna Catch You!” said Talin. “I heard that One Before” said Charon.

Sweet mercy, is the entire fic formatted like this?

:scrolls down:

Yep. Yep. Yep … Oh, wait! Here’s some text that looks kind of normal. Except it’s all in italics. And looks like song lyrics.

… Well, shit.

They Chase for Minutes until they crash into a Leg of a Herbivore.

Imagine that; there’s a herbivore standing on the Herbivore Plains/Field. Someone should put a warning sign up.

A Iguanodon was Turning around which revealed a Similar Character.

Nandatte? What does that even mean?

“Hey Guys, You got to watch were you going, OK?” said Aladar with a Smile.

Oh, hai Aladar! Why is your name in bold? And how are you able to smile without motile lips?

Never mind.

“Sorry Aladar” said Charon, “Sorry Dad, Come Charon” said Talin. “See Ya” said Charon as He follows Talin. Aladar looked at His Son with a Smile, and Chuckle.

So the dinosaur named after the ferryman of Hades is an Iguanadon, but what species is the other little dude?

Then Stop Smiling as He look away, and Heads to the Carnotaurus Paddock.

Where he searched diligently for the remainder of that statement?

Carnotaurus Paddock.

Oh, look; a scene tag. I really needed that, I couldn’t have figured out that Alaldar was going to the Carnataurus Paddock even though the narration just said that was where he was going.

Aladar wants to be in this Place to see an Old Friend, and Enemy.

So which is it? An old friend, or an enemy? Or is it an old friend who is now an enemy? And why is this person or persons by the Carnataurus Paddock? Carnivores eat herbivores.

He looked through the Pen to see a Cow getting Chase by a Carnotaurus, and dies in the Catch.

Damn. I hope the Carnataurus wasn’t his frenemy, because it just got murdered by that badass cow.

Aladar spoke Up, “So, How are You doing Diablo?” said Aladar.

Okay, why is that name in bold? Is this going to be a thing now?

Diablo didn’t look at Him, “Buzz Off Aladar. Don’t You have something Else to Do?” He said.

Clearly he doesn’t or he would be off doing the other thing instead of talking to your boring cow ass.

Aladar lift up his Shoulders a little bit.

Did the frickin’ dinosaur just shrug?!?

as He sees another Carnotaurus in the Pen, “I see You, and Caroline are Starting to Make Up” said Aladar.

Now that name’s in bold. Are all the names going to be in bold the first time they appear? And if so, why?

“Yeah, Thanks to Nigel. Now if You excuse Me, I have a Mate to Look after” said Diablo.

:covers eyes:

Dude. Put a squirrel carcass on the fence post, or something. Don’t no one wanna walk in on that.

But Before He leaves Aladar in Piece, He wants to Warn Him about Something. “Oh Yeah, You should better Run if I were You” said Diablo as He moves to the Right, Revealing His Mate going after Aladar.

Diablo doesn’t mind if his mate goes after Aladar? They must be in one of those open relationships.

Aladar reacted, “YIKES!” said Aladar as He runs Away.

I guess Caroline isn’t his type.

Diablo laughed, “It never get Old” said Diablo.

This is literally the first time it has happened and it’s already old.

Aladar runs with his Head at Diablo, and with a Smile. “Not Funny, Diablo” said Aladar.

“This scene not be making sense” said Ghostie.

Dragon’s Edge (Hiccup narrating)

:headdesk:

It’s a scene tag and a POV Tag! Great.

This is Dragon’s Edge. The Home, and Base the Famous Dragon Riders:

:looks around the Void:

You need to fire your interior decorator, guys.

Astrid, and Stromfly.

Snotlout, and Hookfang.

Fishlegs, and Meatlug.

Ruff, and Tuff, with Barf, and Belch.

Great, a dramatis personae. Because nothing engages the audience like a mid-chapter character list.

But then, this Happens.

Was it suddenly and/or from behind?

“Hey, has anyone seen Hiccup, and Toothless” said Snotlout.

:stares into Void again:

…Maaaybe?

On the Sky of the Middle of the Sea was Me, and My Partner Toothless.

Look around you; do you see a flea on a fly on a wart on a frog on a bump on a log? Because I have it on good authority that there’s a hole in the bottom of the sea near there somewhere.

We were Scouting for some New Dragons until We found a New Discovery: “Big Lizard Bones”.

…And? So they found some dragon bones, what of it? Dragons are big lizards, right? Are these supposed to be dinosaur bones, or something? Because there needs to be a lot more description and context for me to buy that.

(Back to the Fanfiction Narrating)

:repeatedly headdesks while swearing in Japanese:

the Intro is going to have both Disney’s Dinosaur, and How to Train your Dragon: Race to the Edge Characters. With the Big Bang Theory intro.

Wait a second. That doesn’t look like the fanfic, it looks like an Author’s Note.

:THWACK!:

If this is supposed to be an “intro”, what is it doing all the way down here? Introductions are supposed to go at the beginning!

The next few paragraphs are just the lyrics of The History of Everything by the Barenaked Ladies (AKA The Big Bang‘s theme song) so I’m going to cut them out and leave this here.

(Not a bad song, but when I’m in the mood for nerdcore I usually prefer JoCo.)

Oh Yeah I almost forgot Sheldon is going to be in this Story.

:blinks:

So the Sheldon you mentioned all the way back in the summary isn’t an OC, it’s Sheldon from Big Bang Theory? And you FORGOT that you were going to put him in the fic?

…I have no words.

Pasadena, 2311 Los Robles, Living Room.

And just like that the scene, or intro, or Author’s Note, or whatever, is over. It really added a lot to the fic, didn’t it? A few dozen words, at least.

Sheldon Cooper is finish watching Disney’s Dinosaur, and is Now watching Dragons: Race to the Edge.

A reclusive nerd is spending his time watching cartoons. Someone alert the world’s media!

Howard Wolowitz came into the Room, and sees what Sheldon’s watching.

:yawns:

He wasn’t Impressed, “Is this How to train your Dragon 2?” said Howard.

No, but it would be easy to mistake the two since they share the same characters.

Sheldon looked at fast with a Fast shake left to right, for (NO).

:THWACK!:

I know what that gesture means! If I wasn’t a lady, I’d have a few gestures of my own for you.

Howard continues, “Dragons: Race to the Edge?” said Howard.

:alarms blare:

Gumdrop! COMPANY!

Sheldon looked at Him again, with a Fast shake Up, and Down.

:growls: Go ahead, I frickin’ dare you.

Howard asked, “aren’t you too Big for these Shows?”.

You’re joking, right? Of course he’s not too old for them! There’s no such thing.

Sheldon again did the NO Shake.

Yeah, what he gestured.

“What are You a Kid that 5

:THWACK!:

No numerals in dialogue!

years old?” said Howard. Sheldon shake YES.

I hope you’re referring to his juvenile behaviour and not his entertainment choices.

Then He had an Idea, “Want to watch a Football Game?” said Howard.

I seriously doubt it. I know Sheldon is fairly knowledgeable about football, but I don’t think he actually enjoys watching it.

Sheldon grabbed a football, and a Knife, and stabs the Ball in the Heart. Plus He letting All of the Air out in front of Howard with his Lips opening like a Dog.

I guess that means I was right about him not liking football.

Then Sheldon continues watching the Show, “Your Weird” said Howard as He left.

Hello, Pot – this is Kettle. Have you met?

Then Sheldon started to talk at Howard, “Man, What an Idiot!” said Sheldon.

:facepalm:

See, jokes like this – ones that rely on timing and delivery – aren’t very funny in a written work.

Prehistoric Park, Deinosuchus Paddock.

Another sudden scene change! We’re just hopping all over the place now, aren’t we? That’s usually a sign that the fic is starting to wind down.

Later with Aladar. He went to the Swamp where He was looking for Someone in the Water.

Is this someone a big-ass crocodile precursor? Because that’s what a Deinosuchus is. If there’s one of those in the water then they probably aren’t going to have many neighbours sharing the pen.

The He sees some Bullies throwing rocks in the Water.

Ah, the illusive Bullysaurus. They went extinct after the Great Swirly Reversal of the Middle Triassic Period.

Aladar was thinking to Himself in a Funny Look,

Nandatte? How do this?

“Be Careful what You Wish for” said Aladar, Smiling.

Especially if a CERTAIN SITH LORD is your Secret Santa and he hears you wishing for a pony.

:whispering:

No, I will not drop it. PONY CUTLETS ARE NOT THE SAME THING, DAMMIT!

Then a Giant Crocodile came out of the Water, and Scared the Bullies Away.

:checks wrist:

Are we done with this yet?

Looks like Someones having Fun, “And, Stay Out, You Stupid Blokes! HA, HA, HA, It never gets Old” said Irwin the Deinosuchus.

I think I can say with great certainty that this is getting very old.

And the giant crocodile has a possibly Australian accent and is named Irwin. I wonder if he has a brother named Steve?

Then Aladar to talk to Irwin,”You never stop being a Show Off don’t You?” said Aladar. Irwin looked at the Iguanodon, “Well, Well, Well. If it ain’t Aladar” said Irwin. “Hey Irwin” said Aladar.

:groans:

I could be doing something important right now, like cleaning out my dryer’s lint trap.

Irwin swim to Him, “Hows it going Mate?, is everything going well with the Herd?” said Irwin with a Grin.

He’s a crocodile; they always look like they are smiling.

Aladar nodded, “You know Me, I always look after the Herd” He Said. Irwin got on while talking, “Man!, It’s been 2 Years,

:THWACK!:

No numerals in dialogue!

and a Month ever since Nigel open the Park to the Public. Besides, they loved Us, and theirs No Power outage for Days in Storms. Right Mate?” said Irwin.

I have no idea what he’s talking about. I assume it’s a Jurassic Park reference.

“Only a Fool could do something like this for some Money.

Yeah, only an idiot would try to offset the phenomenal costs of keeping a large number of massive animals by charging people to see them.

I heard of the Story when the Government tried to sent a Man to convince a Worker to Take Dinosaur DNA for their New Weapons, which Destroyed Jurassic Park in the process” said Aladar.

So that was a JP reference, kind of. Nedry stealing the embryos (not DNA) happens in the first movie but using raptors for military purposes was only brought up in the most recent film.

I’m kind of wondering why a pair of prehistoric creatures are casually discussing DNA and military weapons. This almost feels like I’m being trolled.

“Yeah, How Stupid are they anyway?” said Irwin as He Laugh. Aladar Laugh as Well.

That depends; is “they” the government who wants to turn uncontrollable face-eating dinosaurs into weapons, or the idiot who tried to steal valuable tech from a secure facility? Both actions are pretty stupid.

Then Suddenly, the Speaker ring as Nigel was Calling the the Alpha, “Aladar. Please report to My Office, Thank You” said Nigel through the Speaker.

Either the dinosaurs now understand English, or Nigel speaks Dinosaur. I’m kind of hoping it’s the second one, because that makes me giggle.

“Well, I better get going. See Ya Irwin” said Aladar. “You Too Mate” said Irwin as He did a Run Back in the Pond, “CANNONBALL!” said Irwin again as He Splashes to the Water. “Ha, Show Off!” said Aladar Smiling.

I’m really having a hard time picturing a crocodile doing a cannonball into a pond, but I have seen a great white shark do a triple somersault off the high dive so anything is possible.

Pasadena, 2311 Los Robles, Generator Room.

…Generator Room? There’s a generator room in Leonard and Sheldon’s apartment?

Sheldon was pulling another Prank on David Healy Again.

That never ends well.

“With this Plug, and this Generator. I Sheldon Cooper will pull off the biggest Prank on Earth” said Sheldon. “I will Electrocute: David Healy with 1000,0000,0000 GIGAWATTS! HA!, Ha-Ha-Ha-Ha-Ha”

:THWACK!:

No numbers in the dialogue! And that’s not the proper notation for numbers.

I think that says one hundred billion gigawatts, which is a lot of power. A LOT of power. To put it into perspective, the most powerful nuclear power plants in the world have outputs of around four gigawatts.

Sheldon was Plugging in the Cord to Davids Rooms which is Not.

You words there.

He accidentally Target a Science Research Facility that has a Project that Their Working on in Order to Go to Other Worlds.

What a crazy random happenstance! I wonder if a portal will suddenly open somewhere.

Dragon’s Edge, Plains.

Time for a scene shift!

Hiccup looked at the Bones of the Creature, “What is this Thing?” said Hiccup. Then a Storm is Coming, Toothless is worrying.

Verbs is weirding.

“Toothless, I’ll be Fine. Lightning Bolts only hit the Highest Things, We’ll be Alright” said Hiccup.

You are, apparently, on a plain – a flat body of land. You are the highest things.

Prehistoric Park, Nigel’s Den.

Anyone else feeling a little woozy from all these sudden scene shifts? I think I need a HurfCo bag.

Nigel was Checking the Weather Report, “Well their is just a Rain Storm, We’ll be OK for Now” said Nigel.

Speak for yourself. You don’t want to see what the high humidity a storm brings does to someone with very curly hair.

Then Aladar came in the Office, “You want to see Me Nigel?” said the Alpha. Nigel Looked behind to see Aladar, “Oh Yes, Hello Aladar.

Nigel’s office must be huge if an Iguanadon can enter without Nigel noticing.

  We got some Problems with Espantos” said Nigel.

You have a problem with being scared in Spanish?

“(sigh) Again!

:THWACK!:

No!

this like the 30th

:THWACK!:

Also no.

Time he’s doing this. I’ll go get Him” said Aladar as He left the Building.

Nigel just said there were problems, so how does Aladar know that he has to go get Scared in Spanish? Is it always the exact same situation?

Espantos is Heading into a Building with Two Time Prods set Up.

Is Scared in Spanish a human, or a dinosaur? Because I don’t think a dinosaur would have access to the tech that allows the humans to travel in time or the thumbs that would allow them to use such equipment.

Aladar notice something, “OK Espantos is this Another Prank Again? Because the Last Time you that Prank, I had to wait for Nigel to pick Me up in the Jurassic Era for an Hour!” said Aladar.

That was a dick move on Nigel’s part – he has a time travel device. He could have gone back to the exact point in time that Aladar was left in the Jurassic, but instead he chose to let the dinosaur wait for an hour.

To be fair, if time travel did exist I could totally see it being used to prank people like this. We’ll probably find an ancient GoPro camera buried somewhere with footage that proves that the Spanish Flu Epidemic was caused by a frat bro punking a friend who happened to have the sniffles.

that Crazy Bird was bouncing while talking,

Scared in Spanish is a bird? A bird that can operate time travel devices? How do?

“Come On Friend that I already made friends with,

:alarms blare:

I’m tempted to just let them have the bird, but Gumdrop does so love to chase agents around.

Just Look in the Magic Mirror that let Us Go through. It’s No Trick like Last Time that I made that have You to wait.” said Espantos going Crazy to Show Aladar something.

Like I said, making him wait for any length of time was a real dick move. They have time travel and could literally go back to almost the exact instant they left.

Aladar walked to the Time Portal to look through, “OK Fine, but You better Not close on Me this Time” said Aladar.

That’s right, Charlie Brown, you just run towards that football as fast as you can. I’m sure nothing bad can happen.

Before He goes through He lifts his Arm to the Portal. But Before that Happens.

There’s a sudden scene shift?

Dragon’s Edge, Plains.

Called that one.

Hiccup looked at the Dino Bones,

Don’t you mean the “Large Lizard Bones”? That’s what they were calling them before. Vikings wouldn’t even know what a dinosaur was, they would probably assume these were dragon bones.

“I gonna take these with Me back to the Edge” said Hiccup as He touch it.

Let me guess; they all Touch the Shiny at the same time (despite existing in different time periods and/or planes of existence) and cause all of space-time to implode?

Prehistoric Park, Time Gate.

:headdesk:

This is getting ridiculous.

Aladar reach His arm through the Portal, “Why did You bring Me here Espantos?” He said.

My money’s on that space-time implosion.

Why is Aladar just standing there with his arm in the portal? Shouldn’t he be walking through it? If he wants to have a conversation with Scared in Spanish, he can do that without sticking his hand into the vortex of danger.

Pasadena, 2311 Los Robles, Generator Room.

Oh, goody. This should be fun.

“Here We GO!” said Sheldon as He was going to turn it on until Howard Shows Up, “Sheldon, What are You doing?!” said Howard.

Well, he was just watching cartoons and stabbing footballs, but then someone flipped his Crazy Switch so he assembled thousands of nuclear generators in his room.

Sheldon explain, “I’m gonna Pull the Biggest Prank in the World” said Sheldon.

By zapping someone with enough energy to turn the them into a rapidly expanding ball of incandescent gas. It’ll be hilarious!

Howard was a bit Mad, “Sheldon! You touch that Switch!, or I’ll…” said Howard when Sheldon interrupt Him, “Which One?, THIS?!” said Sheldon as He Flip the Switch.

I don’t blame Sheldon – Howard was definitely sending mixed messages about that switch.

There’s a line break in the fic, much like the ones accompanying the scene tags, but this time there’s no scene tag.

The Power is charging Up: 10%, 20%, 30%,

:THWACK!:

:THWACK!:

:THWACK!:

 then at then was Losing Power: 29%, 28%, 27%.

:THWACK!:

:THWACK!:

:THWACK!:

Why was it gaining power in ten unit increments, but losing power in single unit increments? That seems weird to me.

“Losing Resolution!, More POWER!” said Sheldon as He turns the Power at Full Charge.

Resolution? I don’t think that’s the word you’re looking for. I’m not sure what the right word would be in this situation, but I doubt that would be it.

Then: 50%, 80%, 100%, but it was not enough.

:THWACK!:

:THWACK!:

:THWACK!:

If his one hundred billion gigawatt power source isn’t powerful enough to do whatever it is that he’s trying to do, then I don’t think it can be done.

So Sheldon had No Choice but to do this, “Here we Go. LUDICROUS SPEED GO!

Wait, what?

SAID Sheldon as He put it on Super Charge:

Can you even put a super charger on a generator? And why would you want to put one on a device that generates more energy than the Earth consumes in a year?

200%, 500%, 1000%, 1500%, 2000%, 2500%, WARNING: 1000,0000,0000%!

:THWACK!:

:THWACK!:

:THWACK!:

:THWACK!:

:rubs shoulder and switches hands:

:THWACK!:

:THWACK!:

:THWACK!:

So this device has a warning that only sounds when it reaches one hundred billion percent power? That doesn’t seem like a very efficient alarm system.

I’m trying to figure out how much energy one hundred billion percent of one hundred billion gigawatts would be, and I can’t. It’s just an insane amount of power. This is easily an extinction-level event.

Sheldon gets Electrocuted instead of David,

So the whole plan was to electrocute David? That was it? And Sheldon couldn’t manage what a nine volt battery could do without massively overclocking his system?

“aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” said Sheldon. Howard runs away for His Life.

Unless he can run faster than the ever-expanding ball of super-heated plasma, I don’t think he’s going to make it.

Then a Big Blast! shock through the Skies, going through the Three Timelines.

…Okay then.

The Storm zapped a Lightning Bolt at Hiccup, and Toothless. “aaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhh, ooooooooooooooooooooohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!” said Hiccupp, with Toothless in a status shock.

The lightning bolt struck Hiccup despite the fact that Toothless is much larger?

The Storm zapped the Time Gate, and Aladar at the same Time, “AAAAAHHHHHHAAAAAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAA” said Aladar getting Electrocuted. Espantos runs away.

…I’m being trolled, aren’t I?

Sheldon is going crazy, while bouncing a bit Up, and Down. “HUHUHUHUHUHUHUHUHUHUHUHUHUHUHUHUHUHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAH!”

No, he isn’t – he’s dead. They are all dead. Everyone on Earth across multiple timelines died for your poorly planned joke fic.

Hiccup, and Toothless are still in the Shock. “AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!,… AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!,… OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH” said Hiccup. Then Both Hiccup, and Toothless turned into Skeletons, and Now Screaming like Girls.

They were skeletonized and then started screaming? With what lungs?

“SSSSSHHHHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!” said Both Hiccup, and Toothless.

I must say, they are very articulate for having been reduced to bones.

Aladar is still getting electrocuted, and giving Him Pain. “aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” said Aladar Yelling.

I’ve had low-level electrical shocks before and they aren’t really painful – it’s just very disconcerting to have your muscles contract without having actually done anything to make them do that. I suppose with the right amount of current over a long enough period of time it would get pretty painful – but this is a massive amount of power. They should be briefly glowing like a light bulb filament before ceasing to exist all together.

Sheldon on the other hand is Now going Insane, and Speaking Gibberish. “habbabauidgdgeyfuegeyfgftransperingsomethingfifuheiugyvkuvyfkcyvg8gff8w6eo4rgft85ot7gfgo3w87t5tg84fgi784g46btoyg4ft45vgotb5ov57vo74yt FUFUFUUFFUFUUFFFUCKINGNLOVECHRISTMASov54t7nv4o o4t gbgrhv gtgt4hdf n6gfvry6bi58r aAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaHHAHHHHKKKKKEEYEYEYEYAAAALaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA!” Sheldon.

I am definitely being trolled. Right? This isn’t supposed to be a genuine attempt at humor, is it? IS IT?!?

The Generator was about to Exploded, and it Did:

Lucky generator.

BBBBBBBBBBBBAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNGGGGGGGGGG!

Wow, that was quite a bang. You could almost call it a big bang.

Well that’s All I have for You today, bye.

Trust me, you’ve done more than enough.

That’s it for this oneshot, Patrons! I’m on the fence about it being a troll, the author has a number of other fics that have the same kind of questionable “humor” in them. You be the judges, gentle Patrons.

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61 Comments on “1669: How to train you Dinosaur – Oneshot”

  1. BatJamags says:

    To be fair, if time travel did exist I could totally see it being used to prank people like this. We’ll probably find an ancient GoPro camera buried somewhere with footage that proves that the Spanish Flu Epidemic was caused by a frat bro punking a friend who happened to have the sniffles.

    That’s how we can tell that time travel will never be invented, actually: we haven’t met any time travelers.

    • GhostCat says:

      Unless each instance of time travel resulted in the timeline splitting into alternate versions, leaving us in the boring “regular” timeline. Stupid preservation of the space-time continuum, ruining all our fun.

  2. BatJamags says:

    “Losing Resolution!, More POWER!” said Sheldon as He turns the Power at Full Charge.

  3. AdmiralSakai says:

    But at least now I know what the third canon is – Prehistoric Park. This show grew out of the Walking with series of documentaries (best know for Walking with Dinosaurs) which blended together live action backgrounds with digitally created creatures (and the occasional model or puppet for close-ups) to create a nature documentary style show about extinct animals. Among the Walking with shows there were two Chased by series, Chased by Dinosaurs and Chased by Sea Monsters, which are also nature style documentaries of the “excitable host constantly wants to touch the dangerous animals” variety where the host (In this case, Nigel Marven and his long-suffering film crew.) was sent back to different time periods to observe different extinct animals. Prehistoric Park continued along this line, but expanding on the narrative as specimens were collected to be brought back to the eponymous wildlife preserve.

    That actually sounds really entertaining. I think I’ll see if it made it onto the Net later.

    • GhostCat says:

      The show’s a bit hard to locate, I’ve had little success finding whole episodes online. The specials, Chased by Dinosaurs and Chased by Sea Monsters, are better quality than the show and were streaming on Netflix for a long time but I’m not sure if they still are. I think the Discovery Channel runs them on occasion.

  4. AdmiralSakai says:

    He looked through the Pen to see a Cow getting Chase by a Carnotaurus, and dies in the Catch.

    Turns out the Catch has an abysmal safety record.

  5. AdmiralSakai says:

    Also, it looks like the author was visited by Ike the Italics Demon’s cousin Randall The Random Capitalization Imp.

    I’d Say the author might just be German, but Adjectives and verbs Seem to be capitalized as Often as the nouns.

  6. AdmiralSakai says:

    Aladar runs with his Head at Diablo,

    Because I guess running with his Legs wouldn’t be interesting enough.

  7. AdmiralSakai says:

    Sheldon grabbed a football, and a Knife, and stabs the Ball in the Heart.

    Which is totally an organ that footballs have.

  8. AdmiralSakai says:

    Pasadena, 2311 Los Robles, Generator Room.

    …Generator Room? There’s a generator room in Leonard and Sheldon’s apartment?

    My building has one in the basement in case the power goes out.

    • GhostCat says:

      But you probably don’t have one inside your apartment, especially not one that could be used to jump-start a small star. The exhaust alone would probably kill most of the residents in the building.

      • AdmiralSakai says:

        Actually, the exhaust isn’t an issue, as the generator just fabricates and detonates around 500 “Tsar Bomba” type nuclear devices every second when it’s on.

        We do get a lot of noise complaints, though.

  9. AdmiralSakai says:

    Hiccup looked at the Bones of the Creature, “What is this Thing?” said Hiccup. Then a Storm is Coming, Toothless is worrying.

    Verbs is weirding.

    Tense is shifting.

    Pasta is creeping.

  10. AdmiralSakai says:

    Aladar notice something, “OK Espantos is this Another Prank Again? Because the Last Time you that Prank, I had to wait for Nigel to pick Me up in the Jurassic Era for an Hour!” said Aladar.

    That was a dick move on Nigel’s part – he has a time travel device. He could have gone back to the exact point in time that Aladar was left in the Jurassic, but instead he chose to let the dinosaur wait for an hour.

    I’ve seen a couple of settings use a system where, to prevent serious hardcore paradoxes, time travel has to be done in “blocks” of hundreds or thousands of years at a time, and within one of those blocks everything has to be done linearly. So if he got sent back to a point in the Jurassic block and then Scared In Spanish waited an hour before recovering him, Scared In Spanish could go back to the Jurassic no earlier than an hour after he’d introduced Aladar to begin with.

    And just like that, I’ve put more thought into this mechanic than the author put into the entire ‘fic.

  11. AdmiralSakai says:

    Hiccup, and Toothless are still in the Shock. “AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!,… AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!,… OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH” said Hiccup. Then Both Hiccup, and Toothless turned into Skeletons, and Now Screaming like Girls.

    They were skeletonized and then started screaming? With what lungs?

    Shit, now they’re going to pop out.

  12. Leider Hosen says:

    this Story is a Triple Crossover with Aladar, Toothless, Hiccup, and Sheldon. But when Sheldon pulls the Biggest Prank, All of the Four Characters gets Electrocuted, and were Send to Somewhere.

    *puts on a monocle so it can pop off* This… this is going to be a good one.

  13. Leider Hosen says:

    Aladar wants to be in this Place to see an Old Friend, and Enemy.

    Why are the Carnotaurs fucking Bond villains? They aren’t villains, they’re just hungry WTF. I mean, wanting to eat the main char is pretty antagonistic, but this setup is way over the top for the situation.

  14. Leider Hosen says:

    Dude. Put a squirrel carcass on the fence post, or something. Don’t no one wanna walk in on that.

    But Before He leaves Aladar in Piece, He wants to Warn Him about Something. “Oh Yeah, You should better Run if I were You” said Diablo as He moves to the Right, Revealing His Mate going after Aladar.

    Diablo doesn’t mind if his mate goes after Aladar? They must be in one of those open relationships.

    Aladar reacted, “YIKES!” said Aladar as He runs Away.

    I guess Caroline isn’t his type.

    Why must badfics be so bad at phrasing things! My poor childhood has suffered enough!

  15. Leider Hosen says:

    What the FUCK is this formatting!?

    I think someone is supposed to be speaking and something is supposed to be happening but it switches speakers, tense, and paragraphs so many times in such a short space I’m completely lost.

    Fic! Stop being stupid and let me read you!

  16. Leider Hosen says:

    Howard Wolowitz came into the Room

    The fic went into The Room? Yus! Praise be to Tommy Wiseau, perhaps he can make this fic entertaining bad instead of incomprehensible bad.

  17. Leider Hosen says:

    Hello, Pot – this is Kettle. Have you met?

    I’d like to acquaint a pot, kettle, and possibly a mace to the face of this nig nog for smack-talking the innocent and pure love of children’s cartoons. A lot better than copious amounts of the so called “adult” media nowadays that is vapid, trite, melodramatic bullshit.

    Namely the ones that are actually very well written and teach good, meaningful messages you can actually better appreciate as an adult.

  18. Leider Hosen says:

    I’m kind of wondering why a pair of prehistoric creatures are casually discussing DNA and military weapons. This almost feels like I’m being trolled.

    I don’t know, when he’s not in the kitchen crafting culinary abominations, definitely-not-natural atomic rays of light, growls, and evil laughter have a nasty habit of emanating from Crunchy’s room.

  19. Leider Hosen says:

    I think that says one hundred billion gigawatts, which is a lot of power. A LOT of power. To put it into perspective, the most powerful nuclear power plants in the world have outputs of around four gigawatts.

    Another good frame of reference is that lightning bolts, the most powerful energy discharge on planet Earth that we know of is 10 Gigawatts.

    So 100 Billion Billion watts is equal to 10 Trillion lightning bolts!

    …I’m not even that learned in science, but assuming the generator he’s tinkering with is tied to VY Canis Majoris and is made of indestructium to contain that much power, a charge equal to ten trillion lightning strikes would… I don’t know but I’d probably be mistaken for a nuclear attack or at the very least the ensuing EMP would fry all electronics in the hemisphere.

    Another case where it looks like a funny big number, but if you apply any thought to it this belongs in only the most hilarious and batshit insane of parodies due to how logically absurd and impossible this is. Sadly… I’m not entirely sure the author was doing this as parody.

  20. SC says:

    So, nevermind that the author decided to crossover Big Bang Theory, which is a show I already greatly dislike, but they went and used the single most obnoxious character in said show as the focal point of that part of the crossover.

    Christ.

    No, but really, why the hell is Sheldon so popular in that fandom? His character’s humor is based off of tyranny and stagnancy. His whole spiel is refusing to understand people, refusing to acknowledge that there are people who are better than him, refusing to accept change in any form that he doesn’t have absolute control over, and overall just being a dick because he’s a scientist so he’s automatically better than everyone, in his mind. What character development, if any, is almost immediately forgotten, or takes so damn long to flesh out that you forget it was going on in the first place.

    Why do people think that’s a good character? Why?

  21. agigabyte says:

    They were playing Tag,

    Geronimo: Hey! take that shit elsewhere! Have some decency!

  22. agigabyte says:

    like they Always Do.

    Geronimo: Who is Always Do, and why is there a love triangle involving them? Is the relationship with Tag an open one?

  23. agigabyte says:

    Aladar looked at His Son with a Smile, and Chuckle.

    Geronimo: “His Son” is a shitty name, Aladar. And why are you bringing Chuckle into this?

    Cain: Okay, it’s time to stop with these jokes.

    Geronimo: Fine.

  24. CrunchyRaptor says:

    No, I will not drop it. PONY CUTLETS ARE NOT THE SAME THING, DAMMIT!

    I offered to stitch the pieces back together and resurrect it with force lightning, but somebody has a “thing” against abominations.


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