1031: Teen Fortress 2 – Chapter One
Posted: April 26, 2015 Filed under: Team Fortress, Teen Fortress 2 | Tags: agigabyte, Drama, Family, Team Fortress, Video Game 32 CommentsTitle: Teen Fortress 2
Author: MarissaTheWriter
Media: Video Game
Topic: Team Fortress
Genre: Drama / Family
URL: Chapter One
Critiqued by agigabyte
agig: Ghostie, you may want to vacate the premises immediately. Now for the intro.
agig: Welcome, patrons and librarians to the “PROLOG” of “TEEN FORTRESS 2”, a “seekwillspinoff” of the infamous “ITS MY LIFE”. This story is terrible, as to be expected from the troll who wrote this. Anyway, let’s begin.
Cain: The story starts off with one of Marissa’s ALL CAPS author’s notes.
OK GUYS IM HAVIN TORBLE THINKIN UP WHAT THE STORY PLOT FOR TEEN FORTES 2 WILL BEEN BUT HEERS THE PROLOG FOR NOW.
Cain: *O-mouth* OMFG WTF did I just read? *clears throat* Whoops, sorry, I must’ve been infected by that, uh, sentence.
TEEN FORTRESS 2
CHAPTER 1: MEET THE SCOT
Cain: *headdesk* No one in the game is called THE SCOT.
agig: *zaps Marissa with lightning*
Hi my nam is Scot an I live in Florda wif my mom an dad an my ate mad dog brothors.
Cain: What is a nam?
agig: No class is called Scot.
Cain: *Florida *with
agig: *my mom, dad, and eight mad dog brothers.
Also, what?! You just said that you ate your brothers, who are psychotic dogs.
They are mad gos becos my dad is a dog an my mom is humon so im half so I can ran reely fast.
Cain: So mad in this case means angry? Show Of hands, who actually thinks angry when they hear “mad dog”? And what is a gos? And this fic promotes bestiality?!
My bros was always beetin me up an hurtin me an stuff. “Hey Scot yuo must do are homeork an yurs but well eat yurs so you get a bad grad LOL!” My bros sayd an started to pump at me.
Cain: So the pissed off dogs’ diabolical plan is to make “Scot” do their homework, and then eat it in order to make him get a terrible grade?
“U GUYS ARE JUST DERKS!1!”
Cain: but…. but…. but….
agig: *slaps Cain*
Cain: What the hell did we just read?!
agig: No idea. Absolutely no idea.
I runned to my room an cocked the door an cried.
Cain: You cocked the door? Do you mean like a shotgun, or something else? Please be option 1.
Thins wasnt good for me an I was serios
agig: *snerk* Oh no, *snicker* not *cackle* Serios
derpessed
Cain: This speaks for itself.
agig: So he talks about maybe becoming a Goth Emo and how not even his girlfriend could fix it.
My girlfrind wsa named Katty Smithereens
Cain: Okay then. Sounds like such an interesting character.
(U NO HOO U ARE KATTY!)
*six days pass*
Cain: Even after six days if research, we can’t comprehend that.
but my bros killd her an defeced her corpse. (They didant get in troble becos there dogs an dogs cant get arrested).
agig: If dogs killed someone and defeced (whatever that is) her corpse, they would be arrested.
CASH BOOM BANG said the door my bros was breakin it down!
Cain: What kind of door yells “CASH BOOM BANG” when being broken down? I mean, seriously, it’s a frackin’ door.
“Yur gonna die now b******!” Wulf said he was my oldest brother an the most meen. I gotted out my baseball bat that I niknamed Marrissa
Cain: Oh hell no!
for some reson I didnt rember. Holdin it tite I pulled op the door an hitted Wulf on the dum head an he died. “OMFG!” My bros OMFGed at the site of the kill. They ranned off an did poops from scarred but this was not god. I WAS A murder now! I wold have to go on the run.
agig: No, you killed a hostile dog who was trying to kill you. That isn’t murder.
Wile my bros was still cryin at Wulfs kill I put my thighs into my handbag (becos its florda an everyone has a handbag there lol) an roundhose kicked the door down. “OMG HE IS ESKAPIN KILL THE MUDRE!1!1” This was my coo so I runned more faster than ever befour but a trane came. “GET HIIM!” Time was runnin out so I had to do fast an jumped over the trane an landed an ranned so more.
Cain: huh… wha…. but….
It was lick three weeks I ran from them an then I saw a place that was… PORTAL HIGH SCHOOL!
Cain: How the hell is this place called portal high school?
agig: So he meets the Sniper who introduces him to the other team members, along with Caroline and Ambiguous Name Johnson
“Nise to meet you all I am Scot.” But they mistaked me for saying Scout so that was my new nikname!
Cain: I’ll give the author some leeway, as I know someone who managed to get a nickname the same way, but really?
“Bloody hell hoos the soddin new wanker?”
Cain: No! No! I don’t want it!
He britished at me
agig: *blasts author with lightning* Again with the britishing.
He was tall with blond hare an gasses an like nerd. “I am the Scot.” I happied to him with my new nikname.
Cain: *jabs cattle prod at author’s stomach* Happy isn’t a verb.
“Well my names… WHEATLY!’1’1″!”
Cain: Damnit.
TO BE CONTINUED!
OMG WHEETLY HOWS IT HAPPENED? FIN OUT IN THE NEXT CHAPTER OF TEEN FORTOISE 2!
Cain: *orders assassination of MarissaTheWriter*
agig: I concur. Anyway, that was the PROLOG prologue of Teen Fortoise Fortress 2. See you guys next time.
Library of the Damned 
Pretty sure the title is supposed to be “TEEN FORTRESS”, not “Team Fortress”.
That would be my derp…My read it differently. Thanks, SFY!
No probs.
When I first read the title, I was like “Wait. TF2 is a fanfic?”
If a video game is actually a fanfic, who’s to say that there aren’t any other things that are actually fanfics. Like movies or theatre plays
*gasp*
Oh my god, what if “Real Life” itself is a fanfic? And all the people on Earth, including us, are merely characters within it; mindless puppets forced to follow a scripted set of events, all for the amusement of cosmic beings for reasons beyond our understanding?!
AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
*goes mad from the revelation*
*Whistles at the Painters to get some sedatives*
There, there. No one is controlling you, son.
*Quickly hides the datapad with all information about Tie Dye Mage behind his back*
Huh?……Who?…..But?…….I don’t………What?!
-ONE HOUR LATER-
What the Hell, Michigan did I just read?!
What the Hell, California indeed.
Most likely a trollfic.
Wait, the one who wrote “THIS IS MY LIFE” is a troll-writer?
I didn’t think so back when I first read the fic, but later research shows that she’s a troll. Not a very imaginative one at that.
Trolls are rarely imaginative. Most of the time, their speech mainly consists of words like fag, noob and gay in an attempt to seem more mature.
Our seminal work, Assalt of the innocent of Damnation, is more coherent than most trollfics.
Oh no, I’ve read this one!
The entire plot of the story can be summed up as thus:
*HURK*
So, what you’re saying is that most of the story involves people vomiting?
Oh boy, it’s the spin-off of one of the Library’s first offerings!
Let’s see!
Wha–no! I’m not a prologue for you! I’m not anybody’s prologue, you hear!?
*Staples a sign on Herr’s back that says “Free Prologues”*
…
Oh goddammit…
I think it’s a term for the illegitimate child of a goose. I think.
I think it’s what you get when a zombie goast gets chopped in half by John Freeman.
Probably the one with the see-through key-hole in Alice in Wonderland?
Well, honey, I’m from Florida and I’ve never had a handbag in my life!
Suck on that, troll!
I bet Herr actually has 50 purses in his wardrobe, or something.
Why would you even say that!?
Because why not?!
*A Painter walks by with a purple purse*
HEY! That’s mine!
No, Crowbar! That painter has a purple prose, not a purple purse!
He had to run fast but train too slow!
*The Crowbar slaps Herr*
No.
:eye-twitch:
I forgot just how much of a brain-melt it was trying to get through one of this author’s chapters. Thanks for the flashbacks.
You are very much welcome.
On a light, and completely unrelated side-note, I started playing GTA 5, and my god…
The main characters have more intelligence than the population of Los Santos combined.
MacBeth!
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