699: My Little Fallout, Vegas Isn’t Magic – Chapter 1 & 2

Title: My Little Fallout, Vegas Isn’t Magic
Author: SomeGuyCamping
Media: Video Game/Cartoon
Topic: Fallout/My Little Pony
Genre: None Given
URL: Chapter 1 & Chapter 2
Critiqued by Erttheking

WARNING! THE FOLLOWING SNARKING WILL COVER RAPE! IT IS VERY POORLY WRITTEN RAPE BUT THE ACT DOES OCCUR! PLEASE PROCEED WITH CAUTION!

N: Well, Twin Humanities is finally done with. What’s next on the agenda?

W: Ert and Cornelia are practicing with the Red Ring, not sure how that’s working out so-

E: FUCKING COCKING MOTHERFUCKING ASSFUCKING SON OF A-*Zap*. I…ugh. Time?

C: Fifteen seconds until you completely lost control. That’s two seconds more than last time.

N: Well, we’ll leave them to that then.

G: In the meantime the three of us will oversee the handling of his next project. And frankly considering Ert’s history with them, I’m surprised he hasn’t reviewed one of these yet.

W: One of what?

G: A Fallout crossover.

N: Oh sweet! We’re 50% Fallout! Hah! Finally, the home field advantage. So, what’s it crossovered with?

G: My Little Pony.

W: Wait seriously? The kids show? I mean, I’ve looked up a couple of the G4 episodes, and yeah the writing seems pretty good, but who thought that would work out?

N: Actually there’s a really famous Fallout/MLP crossover out there called Fallout Equestria. I can’t comment on it’s quality as I’ve never read it, but it does seem to be fairly popular. Besides, when you get down to it, any idea is possible if the execution is right. Heck, Ert considering writing an MLP/Dark Souls crossover. There’s even a pretty good TF2/MLP crossover out there with Slenderman thrown into the mix.

W: I’m sensing a but incoming.

G: Yup.

N: Yup. But some ideas are inherently harder to execute than others. For example, Star Wars/Star Trek. That’s an idea that’s not too hard to pull off, the two universes meld together really well. Now here’s another one. Winnie the Pooh/Saving Private Ryan. Now, you COULD tell a really interesting tale about Pooh and his friends risking their lives to saving Christopher Robin from deep behind enemy lines and have a scene where Piglet steps on a fragmentation mine and gets his legs blown off or have Tigger-

G: *Scribbles down notes*

N: But it’d be pretty hard to pull off and easy to mess up. So, will this story rise above being another crappy fic on the internet and manage to carve a place for itself among the few good fics of the web?

W: Well it’s on this website, so I doubt it.

N: Sharp one. Well, let’s get to it.

My Little Vegas Fallout is Magic

Chapter 1: Ponyvill

N: I feel like there should be a colon there. And wait a minute.

http://mlp.wikia.com/wiki/Ponyville

W: Well great, the guy can’t even spell the place where the main characters in My Little Pony live properly. This is just gonna be a roller coster of fun isn’t it?

G: One designed by Jigsaw from Saw!

It was an average day in Ponyvill Twilight was stressing about a new spell she recently learned and immediately gathered all of her friends, the Princesses, and Spike for the unveiling of her latest spell. Even Derpy Whooves showed up to deliver a package to Twilight containing important pieces of crystal needed for the spell.

“Ok ponies…” Twilight started off. “I have a brand new spell to try out and I wanted every pony here to witness a breakthrough in magic and science.”

N: Oh gee, I hope that it doesn’t open a portal to another dimension. That would make these whole sequence seem contrived and only existing to make your plot possible.

“Umm, egghead what are you waiting for?” Rainbow Dash rudely commented. “Well, I wanted to make a good impression for Luna and Celestia but someone had to rudely butt in.” Twilight stated a slight hint of annoyance in her voice. “As you seen Derpy here has delivered 3 gemstones required for the spell, could you put them on the table Derpy?”

“Ok Twilight.” The bubbly mare said right before slipping and falling right into the table the gemstones were supposed to be set upon. One gemstone managed to hit the floor before Twilight caught it with her magic and a small chip fell off its once flawless face.

W: Are gemstones normally used in magic in the MLP universe?

N: Not that I know of. I mean, there were one or two cases, but more often than not they were used as decoration or dragon food.

G: And I do certainly hope that that chip doesn’t cause anything to go wrong. That would be completely unexpected and possibly tragic.

Twilight reset the table and placed the gemstones on it “Ok the gemstones here will allow me to create a window to other realities, letting us look from afar and study their mistakes and advancements.” Twilight said visibly showing she was giddy with excitement.

Suddenly a message appeared before Celestia. She grasped the parchment with her magic and unfurled the yellow paper scroll. “Sorry Twilight but I must be going my duty calls me to be elsewhere, but Luna can stay and tell me all that happens.” She said in her calm but royal voice. “Also I need to borrow Spike.”

W: Ugh, I hate this passive tense so much. “Showing she was giddy” it sounds like the author is describing the story to a friend rather than actually telling a story.

N: Also Celestia’s important duty that requires Spike is very important but we’re not going to learn what it is or why he is needed and Luna isn’t because fuck you the author wanted to write about Luna but not Celestia or Spike.

The purple and green dragon immediately rushed to the princess’s side, thank full for an excuse to dodge the inevitable screw-up that accompanies Twilights new spells.

N: Fuck you too, you little shit.

After Spike and Celestia left the only that remained were Twilight, Applejack, Fluttershy, Pinkie Pie, Rarity, Rainbow Dash, Luna, and of course Derpy Hooves.

“Now if every pony would stand back and watch the magic happen.” Twilight smirked at her joke. She levitated the 3 gemstones into the air and arranged them in a triangle pattern. A burst of magic erupted from her horn and hit the top gem of the triangle pattern witch sent the gems spinning in a circle. The spinning gems then slowed opening a circular ‘window’ into another realm. A dry desert was all they saw.

“Well this was a waste of my time. All I see is desert.” Rainbow Dash said obviously annoyed.

W: God, why can’t we get interesting results right away? Working for something, pft, who does that?

Suddenly the chipped gem cracked and shattered turning the window into a portal sucking the room’s inhabitants into it with a flash of light.

Twilight felt a sharp pain as her body was enveloped with light. She could faintly see her friends as her bones snapped and rearranged themselves Twilight used her magic to pull her friends close but as she tried to pull Luna and Derpy to her side she felt her horn dissipate into the black void that swallowed them. The pain was too much and the last thing she saw before passing out was the portal that swallowed them close.

G: And that’s it folks. That’s the entire first chapter. Twilight is doing an inter-dimensonal experiment because reasons, Celestia has to leave because reasons, spike has to go with her because reasons, and they get sucked into another world. Because REASONS!

N: Half-Life had more of a plot than this.

Craig Boone was perched on the second floor of a dilapidated building outside of Novac watching a group of raiders and doing what else, sipping on a cup of coffee. Courier 6 was investigating a radio signal that was promising wealth at a pre-war casino called the Sierra Madre. So Boone just sat there waiting for the group of 5 raiders to get clearly in view when a bright flash was seen really close to his adversaries encampment. Gladly the raiders were too strung out to notice the flash and Boone moved his scope to the sight of the flash. What he saw made the grizzled vet wonder if he really had seen everything there was to see.

W: This is Boone, one of the companions that can follow you around in Fallout NV and act as a squad mate more or less. Courier 6 (Who is normally just called the Courier but whatever) sounds like he’s off doing the Dead Money DLC. Meaning he’s running through an abandoned casino with a Super Mutant with Dissociative Identity Disorder, a mute Brotherhood of Steel Scribe and a Ghoul con-man while all of them are being attacked by mutants and they have explosive collars around their necks. So yeah, they’re having a blast.

N: Not sure why he can’t just snipe them from where he is now. I mean, he can see them can’t he? And he is 1st Recon, a unit of the best snipers in the New California Republic. So they should be dead right now. And Raiders that are strung out? Probably Fiends. The entire motif of that Raider group is that they take drugs like nobody’s business, even implied to be how their leader keeps them in line.

(Mane 6 POV) Twilight awoke face down in the dirt her body felt alien and strange. She looked at her forelegs to be shocked that they now each had five appendages coming out where her hooves used to be. She rolled over and with surprising ease sat up and noticed back legs now had flat protrusions that ended with five stubby appendages that nowhere near matched the dexterity of the set on her forelegs. Picking through the vast library known as her brain she remembered something called humans witch a drawing showed as having her features. Craning her neck she discovered she lost her tail and quickly jotted down in her mind her new features quickly realizing she had no horn. She looked around and by the hairstyles saw that her friends were here with the exception of Derpy and Luna.

G: We appear to be experiencing a temporal flux. For some reason, despite the chapter only being a paragraph long, the author not only decided to change viewpoints, but did it right out of the blue in a situation where it made little to no sense.

N: Seriously, if Boone’s perspective was so unimportant why did you even show it? Also, humans in a book Twilight read? What was the context of the book? Experimental physics? Multidimensional travel? I find it kind of hard to believe that Twilight just knows what humans are. Where they a myth to ponies? A precursor species? EXPLAIN!

(Boone’s POV) The stone cold sniper was at a loss for words. Not 75ft from a raider camp were 6 nude females. He noticed one sit up and examine herself. He also noticed all 6 of them had some sort of tattoo located on their rears. They all started waking up. After gazing back at the camp he noticed 4 raiders heading for the women and the last was nowhere to be seen until, said raider pounced upon Boone causing him to drop his rifle.

G: Yup, the flux is pretty bad. We’re back with Boone for no reason whatsoever.

W: Jesus Christ author, can you pick a perspective and stick with it? You’re gonna give everyone temporal sickness. And to add to that, just two paragraphs ago you said that the Raiders didn’t notice the flash that signified the Mane Six arriving. If they didn’t see it, how come they’re heading towards them now?

N: Boone can make out the cutie marks on their asses? You know, call me crazy, but if he’s close enough to get that much of a good look, I’m pretty sure he could’ve been snipping the Raiders. Oh yeah, the Raiders. How exactly did a Raider who is high as a kite manage to spot a First Recon sniper, sneak all the way around to the building he was in, climb it, and manage to get the jump on him without said sniper noticing? And if he did notice this, how come his friends are heading towards the six naked women when there’s a fucking sniper in the area!?

(Mane 6 POV) Pinkie Pie bounced right up not seeming in the slightest offset by her new features. Next was Fluttershy stumbling onto her feet getting her balance before kindly extending her new hands out to Applejack and Twilight lifting the two women onto their feet. Rainbow Dash sat up looked around and muttered something causing the newly awakened Rarity beside her to complain how that should not be muttered by civilized mares, only to realize they were no longer mares.

G: TEMPORAL FLUX IS OUT OF CONTROL! IT’S GOING TO CONSUME US ALL!

W: Ok, that settles it, the narrator is on some kind of sugar rush and needs a good moment in the time out pen because he will NOT stay still.

“Now what in tarnation, did that there thing do to us?” Applejack asked no one in particular as she picked her cowgirl hat up off the ground and fixed her blond ponytail braid despite not being used to her human hands.

“It appears we are now a species of near hairless primates called humans.” Twilight stated.

“Yay, we are going to have to tell Lyra Heartstrings about this.” Pinkie Pie giggled

N: That come off as the most non committed yay that I have read in the past few months. If the narration wasn’t indicating otherwise, I’d think it was being sarcastic. Also, telling Lyra? There’s kind of a running joke in the fandom that she likes to stand on her back legs only…and that’s it.

N: They’re humans now, Lyra kind of acts like a human, that’s the joke. Prrrrrrrrretty weak. And then THIS happens.

Fluttershy started to look around just in time to see a male raider charge at her and tackle her to the ground as two more males charged in and began to fistfight Applejack and Rainbow Dash. The fourth, a female began to swing a pool stick and managed to hit Rarity knocking her unconscious, and then Twilight knocking her to the ground to watch her two strongest friends fighting with two strange people.

Then Twilight’s gaze fell upon Fluttershy, sadly she was not as strong as Rainbow or Applejack and Twilight watched in horror as the raider pinned Fluttershy to the ground and begin to undo his pants. Fluttershy struggled and fought all she could but she was no match for the raider who began to punch her and now had his pants undone. After the man began to rape her Fluttershy began to cry as she just gave up and quit resisting not even trying to fight him anymore, she knew it would only cause him to end up beating her to death.

The raider that hit Twilight and Rarity was trying her hardest to hit Pinkie Pie with the pool stick and with one swing brought the piece of wood down upon Pinkie Pie with her just barely blocking it with an arm causing the worn stick to break without even hurting her. Angry the raider pulled out a knife when 1…2…3…4 pops were heard, the knife wielding raider was hit by some unknown force in her shoulder making her drop the knife and run only to trip and use a rock for cover. The ones fighting with Applejack and Rainbow were missing the backs of their skulls and the one on top of Fluttershy was also hit in the head covering the poor girl in blood and brains causing her to completely lose it and cry loudly, hiding her face behind her long, pink, and now blood covered hair.

Twilight struggled to get up from her spot on the ground and began chasing after a whistling; knife wielding Pinkie Pie catching up to her as she rounded the rock. Pinkie’s hair was straight down and seemed a few shades darker with fire burning behind her eyes as she watched the wounded raider struggle to get away from her. Pinkie put on a devilish smile, and that smile was the last thing the raider saw before Pinkie slit her neck sending blood spaying everywhere. Pinkie giggled causing Twilight to stop immediately and let her jaw drop.

After a few awkward seconds Pinkie blurted out “What she tried to kill me?” Twilight just mumbled under her breath then said “let’s go help the others.” At the mentioning of the others Pinkie’s hair bounced up too its normal curly state and also went back to its normal neon pink color.

W: So, in case you missed anything. Fluttershy got raped, Rarity got knocked out, Twilight got slammed into the ground, Applejack and Rainbow Dash got into a fist fight, Pinkie Pie went completely psychotic and slit someone’s throat without any kind of remorse despite the fact that she’s never seen anything anywhere near this violent, and there was a bit of snipping to top it all off. And all of this? Four bare bones paragraphs. *Sigh* This is gonna hurt.

N: First of all, yeah the Raiders are supposed to be stoned out of their mind but you’d think that if there’s a group of six and the only weapons you have between the five of you is a fucking pool cue and a knife, then MAYBE you should wait until all of them are dead or incapacitated to pull your dick out! Second, Rarity is out cold in just one hit? I have no doubt that getting smacked in the head with a pool cue would hurt like a bitch, but I have to question how the Raider was able to hit that hard without snapping it in half. Also, if she did manage to hit Rarity hard enough to make her pass out, I’m no doctor, but I’m pretty sure that means that she has a potentially fatal concussion.

G: Thirdly, Pinkie Pie killing someone. Even if it was in self defense, she was far, FAR too cheerful about it. I mean, it sounds like something I would do. Considering that her hair is described as straight and dark, this story is going for the Pinkamena route.

W: The what now?

G: Oh, you see there was a fanfic called Cupcakes where Pinkie Pie kidnapped Raindow Dash and cuts her up so that she can make cupcakes out of her. Pinkie even wore a dress out of pony flesh and is implied to have done this multiple times before. It was based off of that one episode where Pinkie went a little insane and it was marked by her mane becoming darker and more droopy. Now as a result it’s common among the fandom to joke that Pinkie Pie has a psychotic alternate personality called Pinkamena.

W: I-what the-but-I THOUGHT THIS SHOW WAS ABOUT FRIENDSHIP!

N: Don’t underestimate the internet’s ability to pervert the innocent. Check out the nightmare fuel page for MLP’s TV Tropes page if you have a strong stomach. If you don’t, trust me, I understand.

http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/NightmareFuel/MyLittlePonyFriendshipIsMagicNonCanon

G: Oh that’s nothing. There’s Pattycakes, Applesause, Bubbles-

W: Just shut up.

G: Right. As I was saying, the story seems to be playing fast and loose with dissociative Identity Disorder, which is ok in comedy, but in a serious setting, especially one that had a very good, very dramatic example of such a character-

G: (He shows up at 9:10) playing it as fast and loose as they’re doing here just doesn’t feel right.

W: And finally, Fluttershy just got raped in an instance that was a few sentences long, came right the Hell out of nowhere, and really was just there for shock value. Something that serious happening to one of the most gentle characters in the show deserves a little more fucking respect than that!

Everyone stopped dead in their tracks when Boone came running up to them hunting rifle on his back. He immediately went over to Fluttershy and rolled the corpse the rest of the way off of her. He was fixing to pick her up when he was thrown to the ground by Applejack and Rainbow Dash.

Applejack was yelling at him as he was restrained by Rainbow Dash. “I don’t know who you are but you stay the hay away from Fluttershy!” She demanded her voice filled with pure rage.

N: I’ll cut AJ some slack considering she probably has no way of knowing that Boone was the one who helped her considering she has no idea how guns work. What the hell does “Fixing to pick her up,” mean though?

Boone was surprised by the strength these two women had “My name is Craig Boone and I was trying to help her!” he yelled pointing at Fluttershy causing her to cry louder at the sudden outbursts.

W: Yeah no. Boone doesn’t yell. Ever. He always stays calm and collected, no matter how stressful his situation is. Or humiliating.

Twilight was scarred; everything seemed to go wrong at once, one friend was raped, one killed someone without it affecting her, and now she realized that Derpy and Princess Luna were stuck out here as well and were by themselves. Finally she snapped and yelled “Now will everypony calm down so we can sort this out.” The only sound to be heard afterwards for miles was Fluttershy’s sobs.

G: And why are Derpy and Luna not present? RRRRRRRRREASONS!

Boone spoke up first “I was going to take your friends to the doctor in Novac so they could hopefully get some help. It appears the one with the New Vegas style hairdo received a concussion but the pink haired one you called Fluttershy got the worst of it, but first we need to get you some clothes.” At this Pinkie said “Okey doki loki” And was gone in a blur of pink and dust and reappeared just as fast wearing the armor of the raider she just killed, the bloody knife on her hip with an armful of different clothing.

W: Oh-ho-ho Pinkie. I do love your antics but one of your closest friends was just raped, so pardon me if I find you being goofy to be A LITTLE FUCKING INAPPROPRIATE!

Boone gazed at her with confusion as the clothes were distributed between the remaining five. “How in the world did you just do that?” Boone yelled obviously confused beyond reason.

Pinkie was gone again and reappeared with an armful of scrap metal that suddenly disappeared putting the already confused Boone into a complete state of WTF did I just see. Boone picked up the now dressed Fluttershy and Applejack picked up Rarity and headed in the direction of Novac which was about half a mile past his sniping position.

As they passed the body of the raider that attacked Boone, Twilight looked in horror thinking the person fell from the 2nd story window (Which was slightly true because Boone actually threw him off the 2nd story). Suddenly the junkie sprang to his feet to attack them only for Pinkie to pull her party cannon out of thin air and blast him with the scrap metal she collected into the wall killing him instantly.

N: Ok, can we take attention away from Pinkie-Pie for a little bit? She really isn’t appropriate right now. Her having cartoon physics isn’t fitting the setting at all. And please refrain from using WTF and similar acronyms in narration.

G: And since when can the party-cannon shoot scrap metal? It isn’t a Rock-It Launcher.

Boone’s eye twitched under his shades. All sense of reality shattered forcing him to ask out loud

“Did that just really happen!” causing the still sobbing Fluttershy to cringe and tighten her arms around Boone’s neck. Pinkie looked at him and replied in her usual happy tone

“I never go anywhere without my confetti cannon.” All except Pinkie looked at the dead raider not noticing Pinkie slip her cannon back into her overly bouncy hair.

W: Fluttershy is STILL crying Pinkie. Can you hold off for five fucking seconds!? And it isn’t a confetti cannon!

In Novac the still unconscious and bleeding Rarity was handed over to the town’s doctor for treatment but the doctor couldn’t do anything for Fluttershy, so Boone let the 4 remaining women and Fluttershy stay at his apartment. They agreed and went to his house which had 2 rooms, a bedroom and bathroom.

The first room had an old bed, a couch and a few chairs. Boone laid Fluttershy down onto his bed to let her rest as Applejack and Rainbow sat on the couch with Twilight and Pinkie Pie sitting on the very old and uncomfortable chairs and Boone was left standing.

“Will you please answer these few questions for me who are you, where did you come from, what’s with your tattoos, and why were you 6 naked in the middle of nowhere?”

G: These are mostly relevant questions, though the tattoos are rather unimportant compared to everything else.

Twilight answered him “Well I’m Twilight, on the couch is Applejack and Rainbow Dash, that’s Pinkie Pie, the one in the hospital her name is Rarity, and sadly… that’s Fluttershy. We come from a land called Equestria. We got the cutie marks when we found out what we were good at, doesn’t your kind have any. And I was performing a spell which backfired leaving us trapped here.”

N: What Boone’s reaction should be.

N: What it actually is.

Upon hearing this Boone asked them “So you’re a group of tribals then?”

W: Did he just completely blank out when they talked about the fact that magic was involved in them getting here?

N: I think if the rape scene taught me anything its that this story just doesn’t care.

Twilight laughed “No, if Rarity was here she would be in your face saying how civilized we are. But before we answer all your questions though, is there anything you can do to help Fluttershy?”

Boone thought for a second “I could give her some whiskey for the pain and hopes she falls asleep.”

W: *Facepalm* Yeah, give the recent rape victim booze, that’ll work out fine! If she’s in pain, tell that doctor to get him some med-x (Basically morphine). If he doesn’t have any, he’s incompetent and you need to get Rarity the Hell away from him.

Twilight frowned “I don’t like using alcohol but if it will help Fluttershy then give her as much as is needed, no more.”

Applejack got up from her seat and asked Boone for a bottle of whiskey which he handed over to the woman as she took a swig straight from the bottle. “It’s not the strongest so about half a bottle will knock her out.”

“How did you know that?” Twilight stammered

“Well sugar cube, not all apples go towards cider and treats if you catch my drift.”

Boone chuckled “Girl would get along great with Sharon Cassidy.”

G: Yup! If history has taught us anything, we need to judge people by the most obvious trait of theirs and nothing else.

N: Boone chuckling? Yeah that doesn’t happen. Ever.

Boone walked over to his bed and knelt by Fluttershy “Take this it will help.” Fluttershy took the bottle and before anyone could stop her she downed the whole thing. She then rolled over and let the alcohol take effect as she curled into a ball and finally stopped crying.

W: Yeah, that’ll end well.

Boone looked at Twilight “You appear to be the one in charge can I speak with you outside?” Twilight let out a sigh as she now would get some answers and walked towards the door.

Twilight turned her head “AJ, Pinkie, and Rainbow, watch over Fluttershy, and please don’t listen in on our conversation.” The 3 nodded and began to talk quietly amongst themselves as to not awake the now asleep Fluttershy.

Outside it was beginning to get dark. Boone looked at Twilight and asked “So where are you 6 from?” Twilight spent a good while explaining everything to Boone.

“So let me get this straight, you and you friends were talking animals who beat evil forces by waving around some jewelry who live in a near peaceful non war-torn society that is ruled by two monarchs who magically raise the sun and moon, and one of those is actually trapped in the wasteland with you…what are you girls taking and don’t give it to the fiends.”

G: It’s Jet! Stuff is real good!

W: Joking aside, that’s the only realistic response that we’ve gotten this entire story. Cue it being ruined in 3, 2, 1.

“I’m telling the truth, did my friends or I have any injuries or clothes for that matter associated with ponies of this society.”

Boone scratched his head knowing she was right after all the person Twilight called Pinkie Pie did pull a cannon out of thin air and come to think of it where did she put it and where did she get the clothes for the women, and this Twilight girl does keep saying ponies?

“Ok there have been crazier things I’ve heard of in the wasteland. Like aliens and 200 year old scientists. Actually when Courier 6 gets back we could go to that Big MT place he always talks about, maybe they could find a way to get you home. But I suspect it will be awhile he only just started his adventure to the Sierra Madre. Also here its people, persons, or somebody not ponies.”

N: Didn’t take you long huh story? And yes, aliens exist in Fallout, but they mainly appear in Fallout 3 with a NV appearance only being possible if a trait for goofy occurrences is on.

It was now completely dark when out of nowhere a voice butted into the conversation “So you walked the roads of heroes? Well the wasteland has a bad habit of claiming heroes. And every good thing that has ever happened to this place has been snuffed out by war, greed, or any other horrible thing you can imagine.” The voice was near monotone and slightly unnerving “Courier 6 and I have a date with destiny for our paths will cross again on the lonesome road.” And with that whoever spoke walked away.

W: Uh, hi Ulysses. Bye Ulysses. That was Ulysses, a character commonly mentioned in all of the DLC and finally fought in the last one. Not sure what the Hell he’s doing here. Or what that was all about in general really.

G: R to the E to the A to the S to the O to the N to the S. R-R-R-R-REASONS!

Boone looked quickly at Twilight “Twilight lets head back inside.”

Twilight and Boone went back inside to find everyone asleep

“So who was that?” Boone thought for a few seconds

“Don’t know but he is right, not 30 minutes in the wasteland and 2 of your people are injured and 1 flips out. Also what is her deal?”

“Who Pinkie? She just does whatever Pinkie does, but today it was like she was another po… err… person let’s get some shuteye and try and find Luna and Derpy tomorrow and once everypony… I mean body is here we can sort this mess out.”

G: And that’s it. They’re in the Fallout world, it just sorta happened. They’re with Boone now, it just sorta happened, and Ulysses showed up, it just sorta happened. REASONS!

N: You’ll quickly discover that that is one of the main problems with this story. It just doesn’t care. It is so half assed and so phoned in that you wonder why the author even bothered. But that’s for another time. Right now we need to focus on the Black Lantern. Anything Goeth?

G: Nothing yet. I’m starting to think BRSue may have tricked us after all.

W: Somehow I doubt that.

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129 Comments on “699: My Little Fallout, Vegas Isn’t Magic – Chapter 1 & 2”

  1. Herr Wozzeck says:

    Besides, when you get down to it, any idea is possible if the execution is right.

    Ahahahahahahahaha–

    *whimper*

    Next week, dude… Next fucking week…

  2. Herr Wozzeck says:

    The purple and green dragon immediately rushed to the princess’s side, thank full for an excuse to dodge the inevitable screw-up that accompanies Twilights new spells.

    So Spike looked for an excuse to run away from one of Twilight’s new spells… despite the fact that Twilight hatched him from his egg and he therefore might look at her as a kind of mama figure.

  3. Herr Wozzeck says:

    Yeah, we’re just going along, being all–

    *brain screeches to a halt*

    Wait, what?

    (Mane 6 POV) Twilight awoke face down in the dirt her body felt alien and strange.

    (Mane 6 POV)

    *BAM* *BAM* *BAM* *BAM*

    Hey author, you’re in third person! What the fuck is that POV tag doing there!?

    *BAM* *BAM* *BAM* *BAM*

    And I thought that Raptor and I was bad on that front. Holy shit…

  4. Herr Wozzeck says:

    She looked at her forelegs to be shocked that they now each had five appendages coming out where her hooves used to be. She rolled over and with surprising ease sat up and noticed back legs now had flat protrusions that ended with five stubby appendages that nowhere near matched the dexterity of the set on her forelegs. Picking through the vast library known as her brain she remembered something called humans witch a drawing showed as having her features. Craning her neck she discovered she lost her tail and quickly jotted down in her mind her new features quickly realizing she had no horn. She looked around and by the hairstyles saw that her friends were here with the exception of Derpy and Luna.

    Wow. I never, ever thought it was possible to make purple prose seem boring. I mean, it’s bad writing, but I never thought in my wildest bad fanfic nightmares that you could imagine Droopy Dog reading stuff like that.

    The error of my thought processes…

  5. leobracer says:

    *Walks in, holding a stack of the newest issue of Pan-Galactic Times Newspapers in his arm*

    I don’t think there’s any fanfic out there that can match the craziness that Pan-Galactic Times Newspaper produces.

  6. Herr Wozzeck says:

    Pinkie’s hair was straight down and seemed a few shades darker with fire burning behind her eyes as she watched the wounded raider struggle to get away from her. Pinkie put on a devilish smile, and that smile was the last thing the raider saw before Pinkie slit her neck sending blood spaying everywhere. Pinkie giggled causing Twilight to stop immediately and let her jaw drop.

    Oh, I’m guessing that Pinkie Pie was “too desensitized by video games” too, huh?

  7. Herr Wozzeck says:

    putting the already confused Boone into a complete state of WTF did I just see.

    putting the already confused–

    No no, don’t repeat that description. I think we all saw it the first time. That may be the single worst description I’ve ever seen in my life!

  8. Herr Wozzeck says:

    N: I think if the rape scene taught me anything its that this story just doesn’t care.

    Okay, you know what? It’s sad that this even needs to be fucking said in the first place. I just… it pulls something like that out and just places no importance that it happened? Jesus Christ…

    *headdesk*

  9. Herr Wozzeck says:

    And yes, aliens exist in Fallout, but they mainly appear in Fallout 3 with a NV appearance only being possible if a trait for goofy occurrences is on.

    Wild Wasteland, right?

    *shudder*

    Sorry. I just got a reminder of someone I really, really, really hate. Honestly, I now associate Wild Wasteland with him.

    • leobracer says:

      How much of your original plans for Mass Vexations get thrown out of whack when HE tried to get himself involved in your work?

      • Herr Wozzeck says:

        Well, to be perfectly honest, my original plans for MV3 ended up getting reconceived on a fundamental level even without him doing the things he did; so in the grand scheme of things he didn’t actually affect all that much. Yeah, MV3 as it was in its earlier iteration did kinda need some work to make it better, and I did end up going back and producing more than a few rewrites to that effect.

        No, the real problem with him trying to stuff his character into MV was that it eventually got it to the point where I felt he was trying to get me to write the story he wanted to tell, rather than to allow me to write the story I wanted to. One of his main things was finding a way to recreate the Lone Walk DLC from NV in the context of the MV universe, and his conceptions for that idea also implied that he would start regurgitating the general plot of ME3 (which, as I had stated in author’s notes dating back to MV1, was never my intention, even if I did eventually base some parts of MV3 off of stuff seen in ME3). Essentially, he kept trying to expand the role of his character, even though there was no way it would be logistically possible to expand that role within what I had planned and I was just too nice to just put my foot down and say “no, that’s not going to work, and that will not happen in this fic”.

        And that, of course, segued into all the stuff he tried to do once we fell out.

        Yeah. I’m glad the the Library hasn’t come across any authors who’re asking for character submissions in forever. It’s a lose-lose scenario no matter what you do.

      • The Crowbar says:

        Someone tried to force you to write THEIR story out of MV through some OC they wanted you to submit in it?

      • Herr Wozzeck says:

        It’s… actually a much more complicated story than that…

  10. crunchyraptor says:

    If that yucky red thing does not work out for you, might I suggest a different hue?

    *Holds out a Brown Ring*

    As a bonus, our secret volcano lair does not have a cat that vomits plasma all over the furniture.

    • Herr Wozzeck says:

      *BAM*

      No! Crunchy, you did not just suggest that!

      • crunchyraptor says:

        I just did not conceptualize that an impenetrable secret volcano fortress of solitude would be so quiet. And somewhat empty now that Markus is off on his Stu crusade… thing. Eliztha’s no help either, all she wants to do these days is play dinosaur attack with the ninjas.

        And with the Shredder’s face melting off when he put the ring on, I am really out of options until that Awesome McRaptor dies and I can evacuate him.

        I suppose I can go back to practicing the evil laugh for a while. It has been at least an hour since I did that.

  11. TacoMagic says:

    “Umm, egghead what are you waiting for?” Rainbow Dash rudely commented. “Well, I wanted to make a good impression for Luna and Celestia but someone had to rudely butt in.”

    Hmm, that strikes me as a little-

    *The DRD Silent Strike Team of Silence covers Taco with mint frosting and steals his wallet*

    HAH! Crunchy already took all the money out of it, suckers!

  12. Why is Derpy Hooves (or Whooves or whatever) hanging around watching the experiment after delivering the crystals?

    Why wouldn’t the perfectionist Twilight notice one of her very important crystals chipping? There would be a chip laying on the floor!

    • Herr Wozzeck says:

      Well, Ghostie, to echo the snarking:

      “Because REASONS!”

      Though, I do have to wonder if the author realized just how fucking predictable that whole scene is. Seriously, the supbar Köschel-Verzeichnis are less predictable than this fic!

  13. “Now if every pony would stand back and watch the magic happen.” Twilight smirked at her joke.

    That’s not a joke, it’s a statement of fact – you are literally making magic happen.

  14. The hell is wrong with Pinkie Pie? Did she hit her head on the trip to Fallout-land?

  15. SuperFeatherYoshi says:

    Holy fucking shit! You’ve actually done it, this is my happiest day on the Library…
    Well, the second happiest, actually, right after my UUTS riff being published.

  16. The ponies arrive naked in the Wasteland, yet Applejack managed to hold onto her hat? With what? She didn’t have hands before!

    And oh, my poor Fluttershy. That is just so very, very wrong.

  17. What the hell does “Fixing to pick her up,” mean though?

    :winces:

    I’m guessing the author is from America, specifically the South.

  18. TacoMagic says:

    Twilight said visibly showing she was giddy with excitement.

    Oh, the irony of that statement is killing me.

  19. TacoMagic says:

    After Spike and Celestia left the only that remained were Twilight, Applejack, Fluttershy, Pinkie Pie, Rarity, Rainbow Dash, Luna, and of course Derpy Hooves.

    I sense a character blob forming.

  20. TacoMagic says:

    Twilight felt a sharp pain as her body was enveloped with light. She could faintly see her friends as her bones snapped and rearranged themselves

    Oh look, it’s one of those PCC “Turns you human” portals. Think that last time we saw one of those was in Untold Zombie Chronicels.

  21. TacoMagic says:

    A precursor species?

    A planet where apes ponies evolved from men!

  22. TacoMagic says:

    I think Boone needs a Dickbag point or six for waiting so long to take the shots.

    Seriously, you wait until the goons are in close-quarters with people you don’t want to get shot… and then you take the fucking shot? Dude, not cool!

  23. TacoMagic says:

    headed in the direction of Novac which was about half a mile past his sniping position.

    Uh… what? Has this clown even PLAYED New Vegas? Novac is literally about 0 feet from Boone’s sniping nest… since, you know, it’s IN THE NOVAC GIFTSHOP! And even if they were going to the medic tent, that’s not a half mile, more like 200 feet.

  24. Bernard Karp says:

    What are the best Crossover stories?

    • erttheking says:

      Well Mass Effect/Fallout is a pretty good one *Gets smacked* right right. In all seriousness there are countless good ones out there. Robocop/Terminator, comes to mind. Sadly I can’t think of too many off of the top of my head, but that’s because of the limitless possibilities crossovers present.

  25. TacoMagic says:

    … so Boone let the 4 remaining women and Fluttershy stay at his apartment. They agreed and went to his house which had 2 rooms, a bedroom and bathroom.

    You know, Boone, assuming this is taking place after the main game, or at least near the end (likely given that the Courier is off doing DLC) maybe you should ask Cliff* to borrow one or more of the many empty rooms. Or even borrow the Courier’s room. Presuming we have the good-karma Courier (which if (s)he’s on good terms with Boone as in implied, would be likely), (s)he probably wouldn’t mind the girls borrowing the room for a bit, especially in this situation.

    *I’m assuming Cliff because of how likely it is we have a Good-Karma courier in the fic.

  26. TacoMagic says:

    W: Did he just completely blank out when they talked about the fact that magic was involved in them getting here?

    I could see this as a somewhat plausible reaction on Boone’s part. And this is why:

    Boone just saved 6 naked women in the middle of the Nevada desert, and their explanation is that magic happened that dragged them from their world.

    If that doesn’t reek of a bad trip caused by mixing Mentals and Jet, I don’t know what would.

  27. leobracer says:

    *Sits in the Battle Armor still read the Pan-Galactic Times Newspaper*

    Am I the only one here who’s never watched My Little Pony: Freindship is Magic?

  28. The Crowbar says:

    This is so unbelievably fucked up, that I just wanna… I dunno…

    *Punches a red button and watches as a city gets vaporised*

    …DIDN’T WORK, DAMMIT!

    *Starts punching a wall rabidly while yelling something incomprehensible*

    • leobracer says:

      *Opens up the Battle Armor, steps out*

      If you want, you can borrow my Battle Armor to do some damage.

      *Death glares*

      But I better not see a scratch on it when you’re done!

      • The Crowbar says:

        *Doesn’t notice Leo. Looks at the stump that used to be his left arm. Grabs a painter and starts bludgeoning it with his right arm.*

  29. SuperFeatherYoshi says:

    I may be killed if I say this anywhere else on the Internet, but Fallout Equestria’s ideas sound fucking stupid to me.
    If the Zebras declared war on the ponies, why can’t Luna just drop an asteroid on them? And the Ministry Mares… Seriously? You let an APPLE FARMER in charge of War-Time Tech?! Not to mention all of the Mane Six other than Twilight basically have ZERO experiences with being a leader. “Hey, our country is at war, let’s put a pony who’s unstable under stress and five amateurs in charge of our country!”
    Most importantly, the whole point of Fallout is the whole “50s retro-futuristic America” thing and the whole point of MLP is the “Friendship is Magic” thing and this story started with the Mane Six (Minus one, but that’s spoiler territory) being dead. So this is Fallout except it’s not and this is MLP EXCEPT IT’S FUCKING NOT!

    Granted, I’ve never read the story myself, but considering how long it is, I really don’t want to read the thing just to see if I’m right if this story really sucks.

    • TacoMagic says:

      Well, I wasn’t particularly impressed with the first chapter. Prose is OK, but the plot is pretty lackluster, descriptions flirt with purpleness, and the general voice of the fic is rather pretentious. Also noticed lots of big words used just to flaunt the fact the author can use big words. Not really enough there to get me all geared up for a riff, but I will say that it isn’t anything to write home about.

      *Shrug*

      There are worse things, but I would certainly say that it isn’t worth any of the praise that it’s getting.

      Then again, Raptor and I has 376 positive reviews…

      • SuperFeatherYoshi says:

        That doesn’t count, it’s an FF.net story. The same thing happened with BRSue Souls, PR and FAW.

        • TacoMagic says:

          I was more citing that as an example of people flocking to something that sucks simple because they don’t know how to step back and look critically at it. A phenomenon to which the MLP and Fallout fandoms are not immune. FF.net is just more visibly prone to it.

  30. SuperFeatherYoshi says:

    Just gonna leave these here:

    https://www.fimfiction.net/story/144949/fallout-the-elements-in-vegas
    http://www.fimfiction.net/story/175706/fallout-the-return

    *Sings* I just want to set the world on fire…

    • TacoMagic says:

      Spam filter caught that one. Got it sorted.

    • TacoMagic says:

      That first one is already sitting in our orphaned list, so you must have brought it up before. Deservedly so, because that thing is just rank.

      But, I honestly can’t believe he made a friggin’ sequel to that mess…

      • SuperFeatherYoshi says:

        Yeah, remembered now, I ranted about how she made Pinkie Pie a prostitute. Can’t believe the sequel either.
        Well, since there’s no way in hell the author would listen to MY criticism anymore, maybe someone else can leave a few comments on his stories?

      • erttheking says:

        It’s a he, FF.net profile identifies him as such.

  31. Delta XIII says:

    W: Jesus Christ author, can you pick a perspective and stick with it? You’re gonna give everyone temporal sickness.

    *heaves*
    I think it’s alre-
    *insert vomiting sounds here*

    TIME TRAVEL IS MY DAY JOB! HOW IS THIS EVEN AFFECTING ME?!?

    (On an unrelated note, sorry for disappearing. I got distracted by Persona 3 LPs)

  32. Delta XIII says:

    G: And since when can the party-cannon shoot scrap metal? It isn’t a Rock-It Launcher.

    Goeth, stop questioning Pinkie Pie; it just leads to head explosions.
    I speak from experience.

  33. […] Not that anyone would ever do that, mind you. […]


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