700: Raptor and I – Chapter Twenty-Eight
Posted: April 30, 2014 Filed under: Jurassic Park, Raptor and I | Tags: Adventure, Jurassic Park, Movie, Romance, TacoMagic 125 CommentsTitle: Raptor and I
Author: Akashi.Cloud / ZincRae
Media: Movie
Topic: Jurassic Park
Genre: Adventure/Romance
URL: Raptor and I: Chapter 28
Critiqued By: Universal Galactic Supreme Master Overlord Crunchy
And Minion Taco.
Crunchy, it’s still the same as last week.
“I happen to like this one.”
But it’s extremely similar to what we had during those first few… wait a damn minute!
“I resent and deny any allegations that I might have commissioned a time machine so that I can travel back into the past and steal our Critiqued By field before it has a chance to run away.”
But, that’s what’s going to… er… did get us into this mess in the first place!
“I disagree. Besides, I already sent Eliztha back in time to do it for me. So it is going to have happened anyway.”
DAMN IT, CRUN… Was that a properly executed future-past tense?
“Of course it was.”
I’m so proud. *Sniff* What were we talking about again?
“Starting this week’s chapter. Which just happens to begin with the standard ‘I am too busy to write’ excuses before diving into Marron’s point of view.”
I am literally on cloud nine right now!
*Faceclaw*
“Author, that does not mean what you think it means.”
Hold on, maybe Marron really does mean this:
Count from the left.
“Clever.”
I have a MAMA! I lay cuddled on my mama’s Lap while she lay in the nest that we share with alpha Sorin.
Oh jeeze, not more of this saccharine crap. Crunchy, take over; you’re immune to all things heartwarming. I’m going to be hiding in the couch-cushion fort until this is over.
I must say that I am a little worried that alpha Sorin is going to be angry at me for asking Beta Rae to be my mama, after all she is his mate.
“Marron is surprisingly articulate in this chapter. Was it not just three chapters ago that we had a non-chapter where he was using ‘w’ for ‘l’? Ahh, yes, inconsistent voice, you stalk me yet.”
“Mama.” I called softly.
“Yes Marron?” My mama answered, petting me.
” Do you think if anyone is unhappy about you being my mama?” I whispered.
*The space spirals down the hallway and into the elevator shaft, where it’s sucked down to level 78*
“Speaking for both Taco and myself, yes we are unhappy about it. You could have done so much better, child. Speaking of which, I do believe the coast is clear. You can come out now.”
Whew, felt like it was going to be way worse than that.
“Huh? Why do you ask this? Did anyone say anything to you?” my mama questioned.
Crunchy! Have you been trying to crush the little runt’s dreams again?
“Brown Ring made me do it.”
“No…” I dragged.
Very much like the fic does.
“Then why the sudden question baby?”
“You see, when a declarative and prosity love each other very much…”
Dude, we’re adults here, we don’t a refresher on where question babies come from.
Mama asked, lifting me from her lap to place me at her neck and continued to pet me.
Uh, Rae, this is starting to border on bad touch. Wanna let the kid ask you some questions without fondling him?
“Because you are Alpha Sorin’s Mate and I am an orphan chick.” I muttered, tears gathering in my eyes.
Oh crap!
“Back the cushion fort!”
*Taco dives under the neatly stacked couch cushions*
“So what if you are an orphan? I said that you are my son so you are. I do not care what other people say.” Mama told me, her reply making me tear even more but I could not cry in front of her. I am her son so I have to be strong.
“Taco! Am I supposed to be feeling something right now?”
Nope, don’t think so!
“Good, just assuring myself that this emptiness is expected.”
“Did you know that your mama is also an orphan?” Mama said.
“Well, the audience certainly did. I am glad that we get to be beat over the head with it yet again.”
” Did the bad humans take away your mama and papa too?” I asked.
*More space is sucked out of the fic towards the elevator shaft*
“You may want to engage the iridium plating on the fort, Taco. It looks as though this is going to get pretty bad.”
” I don’t know. I have never seen them.” Mama replied. Never seen them!
*Yet more space is sucked out of the fic*
“Who the heck is ‘them?’ The bad humans? Rae’s parents? Marrons’ parents?”
“I am sorry mama.” I apologized.
“What are you apologizing for?” she asked.
“Small accident on your shoulder. Probably should have just left him on the ground.”
” For asking about your mama and papa.” I answered, snuggling.
*Even more space is sucked out of the fic*
*The phone rings and Crunchy picks it up*
“Hello? Yes, it is supposed to glow. No, it is nothing to be worried about; the radiation is most likely not lethal. Just get it in the reactor and flood the chamber before it explodes.”
*Crunchy hangs up*
Who was that?
“Wrong number.”
“It is okay darling.” My mama replied.
“Mama?” I called.
“Hmm..” She mumbled.
“What Happen..” I was going to ask but was cut off when Alpha Sorin suddenly appeared
“And from behi-”
from behind the bushses, I immediately kept quiet
“DRAT!”
Sorin’s Pov
“Okay, you can come out now. We are in Sorin’s point of view, so the saccharine is definitely over.”
*Taco crawls out*
I’m not so convinced that Sorin’s POV is an improvement.
I was walking to where I had last seen the new mother and son walked to and could not help but to eavesdrop on their conversation.
Crunchy, hit it.
*SLAM*
Dickbag Extraordinare: ∞+26
When I heard Marron ask her if anyone in the pack did not like the fact that he asked her to be his mother I was pissed.
Sucks when the kid sees right through you, doesn’t it, Choppy?
Who dares to upset my son!
*Crunchy and Taco’s brains screech to a halt*
Da-wha?
“Where the heck is this coming from? Sorin has spent the last twenty chapters telling us what a brat he thinks the kid is.”
Rae, you really need to learn how to build up to things instead of just dumping them on the audience as you think them up.
“Would not that require some planning on her part?”
Touché.
Yes, I did say that Marron is our chick, Rae’s and my son.
Right, we got it. It wasn’t in-character the first time you said it, and elaborating isn’t making it any less jarring of a change.
I continued to stand there quietly, mentally thinking through who from my pack could be the biggest suspect for talking bad about my new family when I heard my mate tell our son that she is just like him, a orphan and comforted him.
“You may want to consider going back to the fort.”
I’m going to hold out just a little longer. There’s no way Sorin can try to be mushy without screwing it up and acting like a possessive douchenozzle. Just watch, he’s going to make this about him.
I smiled at the sight in front of me, it was very heartwarming and made me feel very proud of what a good mother my mate made, not that I had any doubt before.
Unfortunately, I had to interrupt their private conversation as it was time to go hunting or dinner and I wanted to ensure that my new family was safe with the pack not off alone god’s knows where without me with them.
See, he’s already starting to twist this into something about him.
“Rae, I am going to go hunting with the pack for dinner.” I said, stepping out from the bushes. Is it me or did Marron look terrified when he saw me? Hmm.. must be my imagination.
Crunchy!
“Yes?”
OK, so maybe it’s not obvious. Let me unpack this for you. Sorin is entirely unaware that his behavior is creating fear in those around him. He is essentially blind to his own abusive tendencies.
“Ah, of course.”
*SLAM*
Dickbag Extraordinare: ∞+27
“Oh hi Sorin. Sure, let me get ready.” She greeted, slowly sitting up. What! Did she not hear me say ‘I’?
See, told you it’s going to be all about him.
“I shall never doubt you again.”
Until the next time you doubt me.
“Right up until that moment, yes.”
“I am going hunting with the pack, YOU and Marron are going to STAY at then NEST.” I repeated, stressing the main points of my words.
“What do you mean I’m STAYING at the NEST? I’m going hunting too!” She answered simply.
Right, because it ended so well the last time he let you come.
“Hopefully he is making Josh stay, as well.”
“You’re still injured woman!” I cried, looking at her in disbelief.
I’m in shock too.
“Indeed. He just made a good point that was not based on egocentric reasoning.”
“So…” she replied.
“So… It has come to this. You. Me. This fic.”
Crunchy, I told you no Brown Ring in the snark-control-center!
“Awww.”
“So…. YOU are NOT going hunting. YOU are going to stay at the nest to REST.” I emphasized.
It really would be best that she stay in the nest to rest.
“Surely you jest about the nest rest being best!”
Do not test my zest for nest rest; I never jest about it being best!
“So, does that mean you always attended the best nest rest fest?”
Indeed. So never jest, lest I force you to wear the silly vest.
“I will mind myself, for I never wish to wear the best nest rest fest vest!”
Of course, it should be stressed that I’d have to find it first. Which would require me to quest for the-
*Eliztha charges into the room, bowls over both the boys, then quickly leaves*
We totally deserved that.
“Hey, she is back! I will have to catch up with her on the status of the mission later.”
“I have been resting for who know’s how long already!
Two weeks. It’s been two whole weeks.
“The author did not anticipate that the readers would actually pay attention when she does a time lapse.”
I am bored! I want to run, hunt, jump, skip and do a whole lot of things!” she cried.
Our clumsy Sue, ladies and gentlemen.
I just gave her a pointed look.
“You got me, I have no idea what a pointed look is.”
“I’m going and that’s final. I am perfectly healthy!” she exclaimed, standing right up with Marron hiding behind her legs.
Yup, perfectly healthy. Aside from all the deep lacerations that would still be in the process of healing. You know, not counting those.
What is wrong with the chick? He is acting weird.
You would think he’d be used to everyone cowering in fear from him.
“No.” I replied.
“Please…” My mate begged, staring up at me with big wide eyes that glistened. Oh don’t….. argh…. Puppy eyes…. Must resist… I must….crap… it is just too cute….
So, raptors don’t know what radios or anklets are, but they’re familiar with puppies and the looks they give when wanting attention or food?
“Fine. But you are bringing your human pet along with you.
“Because that ended so well last time, what with them trying to go after game themselves, the inane radio play, and the inability to keep quiet.”
At least I will have an extra pair of eyes on you.” I sighed, giving in. Damn the puppy eyes!
So, Josh is going to give an extra pair of puppy eyes for Rae to wear?
“That might actually make the fic better if it were true.”
It should be banned from the face of this earth, if not there should be a rule that women are not allowed to use it! It is too hard to ignore!
Gotta agree. A woman pelting me with puppy eyeballs would be really, really hard to ignore.
“Okay! Come on Marron
“Arrrghhh! No! Don’t you dare!”
Sorin’s fetish is bad enough without you reinforcing-
lets go look for Josh.” She cheered, walking off with the chick scurrying behind her.
Oh, another false alarm. Just a missing comma. Again.
I shook my head in disbelief that I was won over so easily and followed after my family.
“Have to admit, he is right. Sorin is usually far more obstinately controlling than this. Normally he would have started using threats to get his way.”
He must not be feeling well.
Mine to protect . Mine to Cherish.
Ahh, there we are. Told you he’d make it all about himself.
Some time later
So… we’re in the point of view of time itself?
“Bet you never saw that coming.”
This fic keeps throwing curve balls at me.
“I’m singing in the rain.. Oh I’m singing in the rain….”
That explains all the chronology problems. Time is totally out of its godsdamned mind!
It is official. I will never understand humans and do think my pack will agree with me. I mean, it is storming and my mate and her human pet are singing.
“Good call on making her bring Josh along, by the way.”
We can barely see 5 feet in front of us, making it almost impossible to hunt and there they are singing.
*GONG*
Do some research for once in your life, Zinc! Rain would not really impact the hunt all that much. In fact, most predators are more successful in rain or snow because it limits prey’s ability to detect them.
“Looks like there is still a lot for us to learn about humans eh little bro. Who knew they loved rain so much.” Tama commented.
Come to Milwaukee. People here are terrified of the rain.
“At this point the Raptors continue to ruminate upon the monkey’s bizarre love of the rain. For a while. A long while.”
And then the raptors all notice that the song is kinda catchy and they all join in.
“I am deeply embarrassed for my kin.”
I would like to extend a deep apology to all raptors for this portrayal of your species. Not all monkeys… err, humans see you this way.
Anyway, they sing and they prance while ‘hunting’ for a while, then:
” What are we going to do alpha, there does not seem to be any prey to be found?” A pack member asked.
*The spaces is sucked out of the fic and into the reactor core*
No shit, maybe it has something to do with your impromptu Gene Kelly song and dance number.
“I am thinking.” I replied. However, with the singing and humming that was going I could not think at all.
“Usually his thinking is followed by a poorly designed plan, so not being able to think does not really hurt their situation all that much.”
“SHUT UP!” I shouted. The singing and humming stopped. Thank god!
And also scared away in prey within five miles. Nice job, jerk.
“Thank you!” I exhaled, breathing deeply before resuming my thinking.
Go, hamster, go!
‘Party Pooper!” The noisy people booed, interrupting my thoughts again.
“Do you brats want to starve.” I growled, vein twitching on my forehead.
“We want them to starve! Is that not enough?”
“Starve? We are hunting for dinner aren’t we little bro?” Lucus piped up.
If that’s what you want to call it, I guess.
“Hunting for a delicious, mouth-watering, scrumptious Dinner to fill our tummies.” Lucian added, licking his lips.
“And to feed the rest of the pack back at the nest.” Tama smiled.
“I feel immeasurable sorrow for whoever is depending on this hunting pack for sustenance.”
“And to feed us Humans!”
Yes! That’s it! Feed them the humans!
My mate and Josh exclaimed. Sigh… and people tell me I sigh too much… Sigh… can you blame me when you see what I have to deal with everyday?
“I think that if you feed them the humans, the problem will go away.”
“Well… we are hunting for dinner but it is pouring so much rain that we can barely see anything within a five feet radius so that means we can’t get a delicious, mouth-watering, scrumptious dinner to fill our tummies our the rest of the pack’s tummies! We won’t even be able to feed you two humans as well!” I roared at them, as they all shrank to chibi-sized figures.
How does the rain prevent him from feeding the pack two humans?
“Maybe they do not like their meat soggy?”
I panted after my outburst as the three idiots that I called my elder brothers, were still cowering in a corner and mumbling about how fierce I was.
How fierce can you actually be when saying the word ‘tummies?’
The two humans seemed fine, especially my mate as she looked like she as deep in thoughts.
“By this point they are quite used to you being an over-dramatic tool, so it really should come as no surprise when they ignore your outbursts.”
“Mushrooms!” My mate suddenly exclaimed. What?
Duuuuude! They’re gonna get so high!
“You sure they are even edible Rae?” Josh asked.
“Of course they are! You think the old man Hammond would plant anything poisonous or dangerous on his island.” She replied, brimming with confidence.
“Are you really going to just take the word of a girl who cannot tell the difference between a rock and a clam?”
“As long as you are sure.” Josh replied.
That would be a yes. Welp, I guess that means Awesome McRaptor won’t need to kill any of them after all; there is no way they’re going to survive letting Rae pick mushrooms for them to eat.
“What is a mushroom?” Tama suddenly asked, appearing right beside me.
“Something inedible. That is all you are really required to know as a carnivore.”
“Don’t do that!” I hissed, jumping a bit.
I’m with Sorin on this one, abusing the SDQF just to scare people is really bad form.
“Aw… did I scare you little bro? I think I did…” He teased.
“Who cares! I want to know what is a mushroom!” Lucas said.
“I just want to know if it is yummy!” Lucian added.
“Hey Rae! What’s a mushroom?” the two idiots shouted, pouncing on my mate and josh. The rest of the hunting group also started to murmur in curiosity.
If this is headed towards vegetarian raptors, I am totally going to give this fic a spanking.
“Hey! Don’t do that! You could have hurt her!” I snapped and was going to go over to give the two imbeciles a piece of my mine when a claw stopped me. I turned around to see Tama shaking his head in amusement.
“They’re about to get to eat two humans, you should not intervene.”
“What?” I growled.
“Nothing..” he grinned. I was about to throttle him when my mate called out.
“Hey you two! Keep up otherwise we will leave the two of you behind and keep all the mushrooms all to ourselves!” she shouted, leading the hunting pack in the direction in which we had came from. Tama and I, not wanting to be left behind, quickly ran after them in the search of the mysterious mushrooms.
If the next chapter doesn’t feature the raptors getting sick from eating plants, it will be all the more proof that Zinc has no idea what she’s writing about. Anyway, thankfully that is the end of the chapter.
“Nothing happened.”
Yeah, another chapter chock full of nothing. Anyway, until next week patrons!
*Looks around furtively*
But before you go, I’d like to pass out this best nest rest fest vest quest test to everyo-
*Eliztha comes barreling into the room and bowls Taco over*
“It was a good effort, at least.”
Library of the Damned 
Congratulations on having post number 700, Taco and Crunchy.
And here’s your reward.
*Pulls a lever, a pile of Pan-Galactic Times Newspapers falls on Taco and Crunchy*
*Picks one up, starts reading*
Heh, heh, heh, suckers.
*SC picks up a nespaper and rolls it up*
My other Glasses-smacking newspaper got shredded, see.
You should take the time to read one. You’d be amazed of all the crazy stuff that goes down in these papers.
‘Military analysts determine that the UNSC will defeat the Galactic Order within 2 to 3 months.’
‘Edco Executive Officer, Eddy McGee, severs contract with Batarian State Arms.’
‘Salarian STG agents foil yet another Assassination attempt on Elsa.’
Yep. Crazy stuff man.
Wait a minute, what’s this say-
“Intergalatic terrorist group Specs and Co. bomb Citadel? THOUSANDS INJURED?!”
YOU STUPID SONS OF BITCHES!
Specs: It was an accident!
Contacts: Nobody told us that Glasses was such a shit pilot!
Glasses: Well it would have helped if my navigator could have pulled his face out of his fucking book every once in a milennium!
*Book Specs studiously ignores the jab and continues reading*
*walks in, notices everyone reading newspapers. Picks one up.*
“Army consisting of 1183 N7 Geth steamrolled Omega’s mercenary groups”
Oh, goddammit…
I was wondering where they went after they were done with my bunker.
I’m curious, just how far could you have continued that rhyming game if eliztha hadn’t stopped you?
Quite a while, actually. I had at least 8 other rhymes and I kept thinking up more.
But I thought it was getting a little long so I needed a way to cut myself off.
Hey, I kept the “they terk mah jerb!” gag going until Contacts lost track of what we were saying, so I know the feels.
Having Eliztha around is great for that. Need to stop yourself? Raptor attack!
Well, I have Specs, but he’s a little bit less than useless in that regard.
It’s weird how many words rhyme with nest.
I would never have guessed that nest rhyming would make me so obsessed.
Sorry, don’t want to be a pest, just had to get that off my chest.
*Eliztha charges into the room and bowls Taco over*
Dude, give it a rest.
*headdesk*
You know what? I think it is now time to bring on the musical cheese:
I like that piece in general, but that friggin’ 18th variation is so much cheese on top of cheese…
It of course doesn’t help that ZincRae herself was treating her audience like idiots and saying “I’m doing the ‘w’ for ‘l’ thing”. That does no favors for her.
Ten bucks says that the “bad humans” did this to Rae’s parents:
You may not want to make such a straight-line comparison between Batman and Rae with Ghostie standing right over there.
Unless Marron or Rae Sue start dressing up in capes and tights, I think I can handle it.
If they start doing that, I may have to abandon ship.
:sniffles:
*pats Ghostie’s shoulder*
There there, Ghostie… There there…
Hello, random anime trope! How delightful to see you in the middle of a fic where you make absolutely no sense.
Wow, last time I saw any of this was way back when I first started watching Inuyasha. Long time no see, trope! How’d you get tied up in this crap?
At least no one has sweat-dropped yet.
Like with Taco and the fear of any of the characters wearing capes and tights, the second a sweat-drop comes into play, I’m fucking ditching this fic, man.
I do not recommend reading A Baby to be Born inside then. Constant sweat-dropping.
W.T.F is sweat-dropping?
It’s a manga iconography. Per wikipedia:
Oh.
I always imagined sweat drops coming from your face, and when they hit the ground, it’s an epic bass sound or something.
Basically, it’s one of these:
In anime and manga there is a specific visual, a comically oversized droplet, used to indicate that a particular character is nervous or embarrased.
http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/SweatDrop
Oh, alright. Thanks.
This is one of the reasons why I prefer Sci-Fi over Anime…
Hey, there is sci-fi anime!
Mmm, Appleseed.
But still, animes. They’re filled with ridiculous shit. More so than usual, I mean.
I don’t know, being a fan of both Genres, I gotta say that Sci-fi can cook up some massively bizarre shit when it puts its mind to it.
Heavy Metal and Barbarella, for instance.
I also dislike the way Animes… Look like. They weird fighting scenes and shit like that.
Verbing weirds language.
I’ve managed to catch bits and pieces of Cowboy Bebop, and watched at least two series of Gundam almost the whole way through.
And then there’s Eureka 7, ZOIDS (read: Rip-off of Gundam and Power Rangers, what of it I ever saw), that one about the outlaw businessman who hijacks a military-grade starship (I forgot the name again, god damn it all), the anime adaptation of the Galaxy Angel interactive novel-game-things, and my personal favorite to top off the list, s-CRY-ed.
That’s just the ones I know about.
Most do, but not all of them are as wacky as they are made out to be. I steered clear of anime and manga until a couple of years ago because I thought they were just weird, but if you find good ones they are very entertaining. Once you get a handle on the visual shorthand, like sweat-drops and nosebleeds, things make a lot more sense.
Does Full Metal Panic count as sci-fi? It has giant fighting robots.
I’d say FMP sorta counts. It’s like a mixture of Sci-Fi and post-modern.
Mostly, everything that isn’t mechs is still fairly modern era, so I’d hesitate to call it full-on Sci-Fi, but the war-mechs part is kinda hard to ignore.
I’d almost call it post-apocalyptic in a sense… except that there was never an apocalypse.
I know a few of the Gundam series are pretty serious with their plotlines. SEED definitely doesn’t pull many punches, and 08 Mobile is nothing but war politics and moral dilemmas and such.
I like Kore wa Zombie Desu ka? too, it sort of makes fun of “conventional” anime – the main character is a zombie who accidentially picks up Magical Girl powers, complete with overly long transformational sequence and frilly little outfit that he hates.
I really need to get around to checking out Kore wa Zombie Desu Ka?. Hard to find the time since 90% of the stuff that makes it onto my TV these days are Children’s shows, the Despicable Me movies, or Studio Ghibli movies.
Actually, come to think of it, there weren’t all that many wacky moments in s-CRY-ed, either. That series was basically X-Men, but under a different name, and there were mutants on both sides of the war line.
Sorry, Crowbar, you stirred the Anime pot. Pardon the three of us while we geek-out for a bit.
There topics you never want to bring up in the Library if you plan on retaining your sanity:
1. Anything involving research
2. Anime/manga
3. Video games
4. Opera
5. Weaponry
6. Classical Literature
7. Dinosaurs
8. DC Comics
9. Cartoons from the late 80s, early 90s.
I’ve heard Attack on Titan is pretty good, it’s on my list after I work my way through Fairy Tail.
If you wanna cry… a lot, check out Grave of Fireflies if you haven’t already.
No idea why that suddenly popped into my head, since, being a WWII drama, it’s not Sci-Fi at all.
Taco, I think weapons might fall under research.
And I’m also working on Fairy Tail. I keep going back and fourth between it, Ah! My Goddess, and Mahou Sensei Negima.
Oh, and one I started reading a while ago called Legend of the Legendary Heros, which is kind of a fun read.
Technically, if we lumped everything that you could research at some level or another, we’d have one category.
I’d say weapons are exempt from the research category because there is a wide range of knowledge you can’t get about weapons just through research but rather have to actually experience through use and practice.
For example: You can read about proper Sword handling and fighting technique all you want, but no amount of research in the world is going to make you a match for Fraug on the sparring mat.
Fair enough, then.
One of my absolute favorites is Spice and Wolf, which most people would find pretty dull since it is equal parts romance and commerce.
I’m still working on Black Butler; I have a serious fangirl crush on J. Michael Tatum, the actor who plays Sebastian. That voice!:swoons:
How’s Tatum stack up against Kevin Conroy in your book, Ghostie?
How have none of you thought to bring up Puella Magi Madoka Magica? I mean, it’s strange, sure, but holy hell man, that was a great frickin’ series!
Also, Taco… you don’t wanna talk about opera in the Library?
*hefts Alma*
I think my good friend Alma here would like a word with you…
I think the nub of the gist was listing things people would geek out on if the topics pop up. Opera is certainly one of those things.
Ah, okay… I must’ve misread, then.
Oh man. Ghostie brought up Black Butler, now I’m struggling to not divulge spoilers, damn it…
And Herr, I think we were waiting for you to bring PMMM up, personally.
Tatum has a good range, with a very nice, almost buttery timbre that carries over well into the higher pitched voices he does. Conroy’s “regular” voice is very good, nice and bright, yet doesn’t have quite the same richness as Tatum’s, but when he shifts over into Batman mode with those deep smoky tones and that hint of a growl … :shivers
Ghostie like. Ghostie very much like.
Don’t you dare spoil Black Butler for me!
And PMMM will rip out your heart and crush it like a beer can.
…
Bifocals: …What? It seemed like a reasonable enough request!
What percent success?
Bifocals: What?
What percent was it’s success rate?
Bifocals: …Ninety…eight? With the last two being potential particle reconfiguration?
So there was a two percent chance that Eliztha could have been a necromorph. Terrific. And WE get stick with the seventy-fivr percent one that could lead to any multitude of failures?
Bifocals: …But I wasn’t commissioned for that one.
You SUCK.
Now now, SC, calm down. It’s Bifocals, what else were you expecting?
Something that won’t potentially kill me in one of several hundred fashions?
That’s what the respawn points are for, dude.
Silly boy, you should know better than that; this is Bifocals you’re talking about.
Well, I’m sorry that I’ve gotten used to her shenanigans faster than you people. I happen to think they’re fun shenanigans!
Contacts: Oh, you poor summer child; you know nothing of winter.
What Contacts is getting at is that that new Godzilla movie that they’re previewing might have been inspired by recent… Uh… Indiscretions.
I adore Bifocals, but if she’s nearby then I wouldn’t trust the respawn points. You know how she likes to tinker.
That could explain the Bavarian hooker outfit, come to think of it.
Hey, that wasn’t Bifocals’ fault! Just ask Markus! I caught him messing with the respawn point options the other day!
Bifocals: No, I did not tinker with the respawn points’ outfit settings.
…Wait, why were you so specific just then?
Bifocals: Because I DID tinker with the setting that ejects the freshly respawned person from the point.
Specs: OH HOLY CRAAAP!!!
*Specs goes flying through a wall in a Power Girl outfit*
…I won’t ask, but you still suck, Bifocals.
:watches Power Girl outfit flutter to the floor:
They were right, that breast-window is nothing but an airscoop. Peeled off the poor boy like a banana skin.
Oh Christ…
Booky! Get the man some damn clothes, would you?
Or Rae realized just what it was she wrote and started backpedaling the fuck away from it. She rewrote the whole thing and Soren still reads as kinda obsessive so I doubt that’s the case, but a man can dream, right?
Keep the hope alive, man.
Are we ever going to find out what the Bad Humans did to Marron’s parents? And why is he the only one who is even vaguely concerned with the disappearance of two members of the pack? Was he the only egg hatched by the mystery couple? Shouldn’t he have some little orphaned brothers and sisters running around as well?
…
Hey wait, that is a good question, isn’t it? I mean, weren’t the raptors raised in a fucking pen or something? If some bad humans took the parents away, then who are they, and why the fuck is Marron so trusting of Rae? For that matter, if Marron’s parents were part of the pack and they were randomly taken away by some bad humans, why the fuck does the rest of the pack let them run around?
*headdesk*
Goddammit!
I write about packs, and they’re paranoid; Rae writes about packs, and they’re welcoming to the point of idiocy.
I just can’t, guys.
Yeah, it’s something that could be a sub-plot, but it’s so friggin’ underdeveloped that I have no idea if Zinc even meant to do anything with it, or if it was just shoved into the fic so that Rae and Marron would have something in common.
It kinda feels like that last bit more than anything else.
I’m pretty sure that Rae suddenly realized at about the last second that she needed to make some middle ground link between her Sue and the raptors so that it would be something in common that would make sense for them to be so buddy-buddy.
So, yeah, I’m thinking that last bit’s about the size of it, too.
Oh, for–
*BAM*
Shut up! You do not get to sully fucking Singin’ in the Rain for the rest of us!
*BAM*
God fucking damn it!
Herr.
Give me the hammer.
I’ma go all Thor on this bitch.
Here you go.
*hands Alma*
Gene is spinning in his grave like a top.
On the bright side, Rae at least managed to resist the temptation to do something like this:
Now, if only I could call on the power of lightning…
Ah, fuck it, enough conclusive force will do the trick about the same.
EAT SHIT, BITCH!
*And then SC dropped the hammer on the fic like Can’t Touch This was top of the music charts*
Ah, the “I’m too busy to write” excuse. A staple among new authors who don’t want to admit their first of many writer’s blocks, and so claim instead to have a busy schedule with far too many important things to do.
Even though they’re likely thirteen year olds.
And unemployed.
Which opens up a lot more free time once the homework gets done.
Classic fic bullshittery. I think the people here at the Library are the only ones who could legitimately use this excuse.
Well, I recently got a review for one of my fanfics that was to the effect of “people are idiots if they think he’s gonna finish this fic”, so I guess you’re not the only one to notice?
…
Well, actually, you’re the only one to notice without being a complete dick about it, so there’s that.
Well, you can’t really get “Snarky Dick” out of SC, can you?
No, but you can get “Snarky Cunt” out of it, so…
Exactly, and cunts are not dicks.
I don’t know if that helps my case at all, but there it is.
I always look at writing as something I do at my speed. If people are pissed that it’s not fast enough, then they can go fuck themselves. I’m not on a schedule*, so I don’t have to apologize about anything if I don’t keep to the non-schedule.
*Other than, you know, the weekly snark schedule.
Literally, Taco and I think exactly alike when it comes to writing.
Much surprise. So shock.
I’ll just be over here, containing my surprise.
So Rae Sue rationalizes eating any random mushroom she finds by claiming Hammond would never have dangerous plants on the island, even though her first task in the fic was to remove dangerous plants from the raptor enclosure? Did Hammond remove every trace of native plant life before building the park?
Ah crap, are we going to have to dive into our gardening pasts to explain how bullshit Rae’s logic is?
Welp, Ag. Sci. and plant watering at grandma’s house, don’t fail me now!
If you know anything about mushrooms, you’ll really “enjoy” the next chapter.
I might have to do some in-depth reading, but I do know that you have to be super careful about which ones you eat because it’s a 50-50 chance of them being poisonous.
…Let me guess, that’s going to be the case, isn’t it?
Maaaaaayyyyyyyybeeeeeee.
Let us not forget that in the book one of the first specific dings that the paleontologists had against the park was that poisonous plants were used in the landscaping at the pool cause they looked pretty…
Admittedly, that could be my declarative memory going on the blink. It’s been a while since I read any Crichton. But I do have a pretty clear memory of that one.
It’s in the movie as well, Ellie’s a paleobotanist and points out at dinner that several plants inside the building are toxic.
In this case, the books are kinda moot. The fic cites the movie as the source, and the movie series canon is considered it’s own thing since it disagrees with the books on so many points.
However, that works in your argument’s favor. In the sick Triceratops scene, Dr. Sattler points out that there are poisonous plants in close proximity of the Triceratops, but the handler indicates that none of the herbivores eat it.
So yes, per several scenes in the movie, there are definitely poisonous plants on the island.
Additionally, mushrooms would be one of those things you would probably not be able to exterminate from the island anyway. Their fungal colonies exist in the soil, their spores can go dormant for years before they’ll sprout into a new colony. So, the very idea that somehow Hammond was able to purge the island of poisons fungi is laughable at best.
Well, let it never be said that Hammond was one for good decision-making in the long run.
Short term, he’s brilliant, but I think we all had it in our minds that the park would eventually turn to turmoil one way or another.
Well, a lot of the park falling into chaos is bullshit too. It turns most of the dinosaurs into essentially monsters who are after the humans. In a real scenario where the dinosaurs escaped, they would most likely not really know what to do. They were all hand reared by humans, fed daily by humans, and had extensive interactions with them.
Even if the hunting instinct kicked in and the predators started looking for food, they would go after all the docile herbivores who have never been threatened by a predator, and not the much more difficult and positively re-enforced humans.
Dinosaurs are still just animals. Even if they seem exotic, large, and scary, they would not be appreciably different than dealing with present day predators.
Really, there is nothing to logically indicate that a dinosaur zoo would offer that many more challenges above what a regular zoo faces, beyond larger pens and providing the amount of food necessary to keep them alive. Most likely, in the case of an electrical fence failure like in the movie/book, the dinosaurs would probably not even notice, let alone try to leave their pens.
Well, the entire movie’s plot is so screwy, because in the original script, Hammond was evil.
In the original, the dinosaurs were actually genetically engineered chickens and stuff like that who only have a life-span of a few weeks.
So going by the original, the rabid dinosaurs aren’t that weird actually…
I read the original, the plot was still pretty screwy. Maybe not so much as the movie, but it was still rather poorly written from a rational plot standpoint.
Even with all the evil shenanigans from Hammond and the genetic tinkering, there was no reason for the dinosaurs to act like they did. Crichton needed them to be monsters, so that’s what he wrote regardless of how utterly illogical it was.
*Eats some bacon while reading the Newspaper*
How many chapters are left of this brain bleach fest?
Three. And then 10 chapters of the remake which I’ll be tackling at some later date.
And then another 15ish chapters in a fic that was inspired by this one, also to be done later.
Before I get to those, I have an MLP/Twilight one-shot, and an anthropomorphic Lion King/Star Wars crossover that I want to do first.
“Simba… I KILLED YOUR FATHER!”
“That’s not true! THAT’S IMPOSSIBLE!”
*Slow claps*
I can hardly wait.
*Turns the newspaper page*
Tsk. Surprise, surprise.
Star Wars/Lion King?!
What The Fuck?!
Oh, and you were right, Leo. This newspaper IS pretty good.
Is it just me, or is the entire chapter written in Bold?
Most of the chapters feature a lot of bold. It’s a “convention” that the author uses to determine when it’s a raptor’s point of view or when a raptor is speaking.
Except when she forgets to use it, of course.
Hah… you’d think that fic writers would write down notes…
Even me with my tiny-ass chapters, I learned the hard way that I need to keep track of my shit.
Notes!? BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
You’re still new here, you’ll learn better than to hold that high of an opinion of fic writers.
“IT’S POST 700! PARTY TIME!”
‘Ehem’
“Yes?”
“We’re waiting for post 1000 for the party.”
“Oh….. 300 more posts till the party!”
We should start planning for it now. I think we could probably be persuaded to add a third book to our Badfic series.
I still need to figure out the plot (AHAHAHAHAHA) of the first two.
(By the way, can anybody get in on it, or is it about exclusive to the folks in the clubhouse?)
Guest riffers will be asked if they want to contribute. We’ll send out an email to everyone once we get started. Usually I think we give ourselves a month or so to put it all together, so expect to see something around the 950th-970th post.
Alright, cool beans. (Why do I always say that when I’m okay with how somethingwrks out? Lyle could tell you, I say it ALL THE DAMN TIME in our email correspondances when I submit my riffs for the week.)
So, in the meantime, I’ll just keep doing those things that I just keep doing.
Yes, keep doing those things that you do do.
Or, do that voodoo, that you do so well.
Pfft… Can you tell that last one was done with my keyboard and not my phone? Boy, I sure can. I forgot my keyboard does that stupid scrunching-words-together shit.
Wait, what? Book? What book?
I don’t see books…
*Looks under the table*
THIS ONE STILL HERE?!
*Chucks the book out of the airlock*
Aw, damn it, man! I just got to chapter five!(-billion, which is when the plot finally starts to happen.)