1373: Harry is Hari? – Chapter 2

Title: Harry is Hari?
Author: Death Magnetic Cyanide
Media: Movie/Anime/Manga
Topic: Sekai-Ichi Hatsukoi/Harry Potter
Genre: none given
URL: Chapter 2
Critiqued by Ghostcat

Hello and welcome back, Patrons!

I hope everyone’s having a great April Fool’s Day. I did toy with the idea of finding something “special” (like more shark erotica) for this illustrious day, but I wouldn’t do something like that to my Patrons. Instead I’m here with the second chapter of this improbable little crossover of a fic. The first chapter was mostly rushed and very half-assed exposition that somehow allowed Harry Potter to wind up in the guardianship of Onodera Ritsu due to Lily being kidnapped at a young age. The circumstances don’t really make a lot of sense, but that was the end result – a six-year-old boy was given to a twenty-year-old single man because reasons.

Onodera POV


The last chapter was in Onodera’s POV! Unless that’s going to change, you don’t need to put a flippin’ tag at the front of every chapter. You don’t really need the tags at all, but if you are going to use them, only use them when the perspective shifts.

The three of us walked to the nearest mall that would have what we wanted.


Onodera doesn’t own a car and is usually shown either walking or taking the train when he’s out, so I can see why the author would assume they would walk to the store. But most residential areas don’t have many stores near them, or at least not large shopping centers within walking distance. They would have likely taken the train to an area where they could go shopping.

Harry was quite and shy and held my hand as if he was afraid I would leave him. This caused me to worry about what had happened to make the poor boy like this.

Worry, but not actually do anything about it like find the boy a competent caretaker or at least some counselling.

Another twenty minutes later and we stood in the kids department of the store.

It took them twenty minutes to walk through the mall to where the kids’ clothing is located? How frickin’ big is this mall?

“What do you like Harry?”

“…what I like?”

“Yes. If your going to wear it than you should have some say in it.” I said.

“Oh. I don’t know what I like. I just wore my cousins old clothes.” I frowned a little but than a smile was on my face.

I’m guessing there’s going to be a lot of this kind of “rescuing Harry” wish fulfillment in this fic. It’s sweet and everything, but I can’t help but notice that the formatting doesn’t indicate that they are speaking English; in Onodera’s prior conversation with Harry the dialogue was in italics and the narration indicated that they were using English. That would mean this conversation is in Japanese, a language Harry does NOT understand.

“Than this will be an adventure! Come on.” We spent the next half hour just grabbing and picking clothes than having Harry try them on.

Because that’s something that six-year-old boys really like to do. Although, I guess the experience would be pretty novel to Harry so it might be fun for a little while.

After all that we found about ten shirts and a couple pairs of pants.

After they made him try on lots of clothing, they picked out ten shirts and two pairs of pants. No underwear, no socks, no new shoes – just a lot of shirts and a few pants.

This is why you should always make a list.

Than we went to the hard ware store and bought a few paint colors.

I hope you bought more than that; there’s a lot of stuff that you need to paint a room. Masking tape, a tarp, brushes and/or rollers, those wooden stir-sticks… How are they going to carry all of this and the clothes home? Paint is heavy. And why did they get more than one color?

Finally we stopped for lunch. I got Harry a light and simple meal per his request.

Yes, we get it – he doesn’t eat much. But he is a kid; they don’t really eat a lot in comparison to adults.

“So Harry, did you go to school when you lived with your aunt?”

“Yes. But I got bad grades because if I did better than their son I got punished.”


Yeah, what are you talking about? You’re six, which the author seems to be forgetting; you’d be in kindergarten at that age. Do they even give out grades in kindergarten? What can you fail at, nap time? Coloring outside the lines?

“Yes. He was a bully but they thought he was perfect.” I stared at the small boy in front of me.

Yeah, that sounds like Dudley.

‘Those damn fake realitives of his. If I ever see them I’ll kill them.’ I thought to my self.

That’s highly unlikely, considering what a bunch of sticks-in-the-mud that family is. They’d probably never travel to Japan and I doubt Onodera would make the trek to Surrey for any reason.

Finally we made it back to the apartment. I went into Harrys’ room and opened the paint.

Wait, what? He’s just going to walk in and start painting?


That’s not how it works! Did you even tarp the furniture? Come to think of it, was there any furniture in the room? I can’t remember anything specific; maybe a bed since Onodera tucked Harry in.

I made sure to do a careful job of the painting.

I don’t care how careful you are, you will make a mess. It’s a given.

After two hours I finished.


Oh, gods – it burns my nose!

Onodera painted an entire room – by himself – in two hours? Even cutting out all the prep time and clean-up, that still doesn’t sound like enough time.

I walked back out into the living room where Harry was asleep on the couch.

So rather than letting Harry help paint his own room, Onodera made the boy sit on the couch and do nothing for two hours? No wonder he fell asleep. But why is he alone?

:looks around:

Where’s Tamaki? He went to the store with Harry and Onodera, but I think he vanished somewhere along the way.

I smiled down at him before going and gently picking him up. Looking at the time I noticed it was still only five in the after noon.

That’s actually rather late; a lot of people get off work at five or close to it.

I’m trying to figure out the timeline, here; they left Onodera’s place “after breakfast” to walk to the stores and then came back. If it took two hours to paint the room, then they arrived at Onodera’s at three. Assuming they left at nine or so and subtract about an hour for walking and another hour for eating lunch, that’s about four hours of shopping. All that and all they have is some paint, ten shirts, and two pairs of pants.

Onodera needs to learn how to shop better.

“Hmm, I should call the school..” I walked over to my phone and dialed the number for the nearest school that I looked up.

Did he forget that he picked up a sleeping child? Trying to juggle forty-five pounds of dead weight while looking up a number, dialing a phone, and carrying on a conversation isn’t going to be easy.


Most businesses answer the phone with the name of the business or in some way identify themselves. This could be a wrong number.

“Yes, this is Ritsu Onodera.

Is the other person supposed to know who you are?

You see I have recently taken custody of my nephew and I was wondering if I could enroll him in your school?”

Please tell me that Onodera is just asking how to enroll Harry, not actually trying to enroll the boy in school over the phone.

“Yes, that shouldn’t be a problem…Simply give me his name, age, and than come over tomorrow morning.”


This is a school, not a drop-in daycare facility. Hell, even a daycare would probably ask about immunization records.

‘I can’t use his real name, and he is under MY custody…’

Wait a second… Why can’t he use Harry’s real name? If the boy is living with Onodera legally and he has custody of the boy, then why would there be any need to hide Harry’s real name? It’s not like the Dursleys are going to hop on a plane to come and get him.

“His name is Hari Onodera, and he is five.

He’s five? I thought he was six?

I have to warn you though, his old home…was abusive and he is very shy.”

He’s not shy, he’s traumatized. Harry needs professional help, which this random phone person likely isn’t qualified to give.

“We have more kids like that than you’d think that have that same past. Some are worse off than others.

Really? So a lot of your students have parents who were kidnapped and smuggled to another country? Or was it the brutal death by magical curse part that they have in common?

Mr. Onodera, do you have a steady job?”

Very tactful. Why don’t you ask him if he cheats on his taxes or has sex with his boss?

“Yes. I work as a manga editor and make a good pay, but the hours can get a little hectic. You see we have a twenty week cycle. The first five are great, the next are okay, the third set is worse and the last five weeks are called, correctly so the hell weeks.”

Why does some random person who answered the phone need to know this? This is something you should discuss with the school’s administrator, or whomever is in charge of scheduling so they know you might be late on certain days in the cycle.

“I see. Please stop by tomorrow morning.”

Aren’t you going to tell him to bring anything? Like, legal proof that Harry’s in his custody, or a note from his parents? Something!

“Thank you. I will.” I hung up and let out a sigh.

‘I hope I can make this work…’

Well, I can spot one little thing that might be a problem.


You want that in Japanese? Harry wa nihongo o hanasu koto ga dekimasen! That’s going to be a very big problem for him. Kids do pick up things quickly and you can learn languages much faster in an immersive environment, but Harry has been in the country for a matter of hours. Going shopping does not give you mastery of a tongue. Onodera never even mentioned that Harry only spoke English or ask about language classes! I’m not a parent and I have no experience teaching, but I’m fairly positive that children need to be able to understand what the teacher is saying in order to learn anything.


And it looks like that’s it for this chapter. Well, that was short and pointless.


24 Comments on “1373: Harry is Hari? – Chapter 2”

  1. AdmiralSakai says:

    “What do you like Harry?”

    “…what I like?”

    Ok, at first I was thinking Harry was talking like this to indicate his limited Japanese (which nonetheless seems… off to me for some reason).

    But, of course, it is just the author’s limited English.

    • GhostCat says:

      Limited, hell; he shouldn’t speak any Japanese at all.

      • batjamags says:

        He’s five. He should barely have a grasp on English. Enough to communicate comprehensibly, sure, but not expressing complicated concepts like he is here. In Japanese. With no practice or prior experience.

        This is stupider than the Stu from Legendary Adventures, Futuristic Saviors learning the language over the course of a single plane ride.

      • GhostCat says:


        Thank you for reminding me.

        If he’s just starting to learn the intricacies of pronouncing English words, then Japanese is going to be a whole new level of hell for him.

      • batjamags says:

        Thank you for reminding me.

        I’m a helper!

  2. batjamags says:

    “Than this will be an adventure! Come on.” We spent the next half hour just grabbing and picking clothes than having Harry try them on.

    Than we went to the hard ware store and bought a few paint colors.


    This is more annoying than “Different than.” At least then it only makes me want to throttle three kittens instead of five.

    • Addicted Reader says:

      OMG, I was so stabby by the end of this because of that “then/than” problem.

      • GhostCat says:

        Grammar is not this author’s strong suit. It’s not even their weak suit, it’s more like their worn-out pair of socks.

      • batjamags says:

        Maybe their old pajamas from when they were a kid, which don’t even fit anymore.

        It really frustrates me when someone is ostensibly trying to write well, but they can’t bother learning how to do it properly. Like, when it’s so muddled that pretty much every word is wrong, it’s almost endearing, but when the prose gets the basics right, but messes certain things up with consistently, it bugs me.

      • batjamags says:

        It really frustrates me when someone is ostensibly trying to write well, but they can’t bother learning how to do it properly. Like, when it’s so muddled that pretty much every word is wrong, it’s almost endearing, but when the prose gets the basics right, but messes certain things up with consistently, it bugs me.

        when the prose gets the basics right, but messes certain things up with consistently, it bugs me.

        with consistently

        with consistently

        Dammit, me.

      • batjamags says:

        *Google translates*

        Hmm… Let’s see, here…

        Non, les échecs de la grammaire ne sont pas acceptable sur tous les jours du semaine.

        Close enough.

  3. Addicted Reader says:

    Short and pointless, indeed.

    What school has anyone answering phones at 5pm?

    • GhostCat says:

      What school doesn’t ask for basic information regarding a student?

    • agig: Short and pointless like EP-

      Cain: You aren’t turning this into an EP joke. Or theory. Or anything involving EP.

      • batjamags says:

        New theory: The reason these Dursleys seem to be so much worse than the canon ones is because Vernon is EP.

        Actually, I don’t want to think about that. *Pours brain bleach into eyes*

    • TacoMagic says:

      I can field this one. My son’s school actually does have somebody in the office until 5pm Tuedays through Thursdays because of the after-school program they run there.

      I don’t think they’d handle enrollment, but there is somebody physically in the office and they probably answer the phone. Probably.

      • batjamags says:

        Yeah, I doubt the entire school would be abandoned at that time, but they probably wouldn’t be set up to take calls and handle enrollment.

  4. TacoMagic says:

    ‘I can’t use his real name, and he is under MY custody…’

    “His name is Hari Onodera


    • GhostCat says:

      Truly Onodera is a master of subterfuge.

      Fun fact, “hari” in Japanese can mean, among other things; thorn, needle, Japanese alder, glass, beam or joist, stretch or tension, a staple (for a stapler) and is a counter for sewing stitches.

      • batjamags says:

        So the fic’s title means “Harry is a staple?”

        Interesting premise. Maybe it happened because of a freak magic accident.

  5. "Lyle" says:

    Looking at the time I noticed it was still only five in the after noon.

    Also known as “the evening.”

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