1500: I don’t want to be alone again! – oneshot

Title: I don’t want to be alone again!
Author: Sessh-Amy
Media: Movie
Topic:  The Beauty and The Beast
Genre: “Romance”
URL: Chapter 1
Critiqued by Ghostcat

 

—TRIGGER WARNING—

—FIC CONTAINS GRAPHIC DEPICTIONS OF RAPE—

—IT IS NSFW/NSFC—

 

 

Hello, my dear Patrons! I have a special little “treat” for you today to celebrate our fifteen hundredth post! (Although if you include our unnumbered posts, this is actually our sixteen hundred and forty-seventh.)

Remember that lovely little Beauty and The Beast yaoi fic from a while back (and by ‘a while’ I mean ‘March and April of 2015’) that won the award for Worst Romance in the Fourth Annual Sucktastic Awards? And do you also remember I mentioned the author had written an explicit Gaston/Adam lemon oneshot?

This is it!

Even though this oneshot was written at the same time as the previous fic, it’s treated as a completely different work and doesn’t tie into the other fic at all. Truthfully I don’t even know why the author wrote this, unless she was getting bored with her woefully inadequate attempt at developing a plot and just wanted to skip ahead to the sex. (Because who needs all that tedious romance nonsense in their Romance fic, right?) Writing this oneshot might have played a part in her abandonment of the other fic, since she had accomplished her goal of smashing her favorite characters together in an ill-conceived romance. It’s been lingering in my drafts for ‘a while’ now, and every so often I’ve taken it out, telling myself it couldn’t possibly be as bad as I remember, and then promptly shoved it to the back of my list.

I’m taking a big bullet for you today, folks.

It should go without saying, though, that as this is a lemon fic so there is a graphic depiction of sex. The sex in question follows the standard Yaoi “reluctant uke” plotline that relies heavily on the Rape as Love trope.

You should not read this fic.

I should not read this fic.

No one should read this fic.

Seriously, just go look at pictures of kittens for an hour. You’ll be better off.

:looks around at Patrons and sighs:

Don’t say I didn’t warn you.

To keep the Salacious Conclave at bay, I’ve drafted in Ishi-sensei to help me with the riff.

“One does not understand why one’s presence is required, Ghostcat-sama.”

Look, it was a choice between you or Crunchy and he’s thoroughly repulsed by the mere idea of mammalian genitalia existing, much less what goes on during mammalian genital-smooshing.

“Is it not also the day of Kurunchi-san’s macramé class?”

There’s that, too.

Authors notes*

Notes?!? As in plural?

“One fears for one’s physical safety – even more so than usual.”

You’re such a worrywart; I don’t bite, sensei.

“One has scars that prove otherwise.”

I couldn’t resist. I just had to write this. I love the idea, so I decide to write it. A one-shot. Enjoy.

Not frickin’ likely.

:deep sigh: “One could be making a colorful plant hanger right now.”

 Belle love’s Adam, but as a brother…Or a cousin or what ever. So she’s leaving him. What would happen to him after Belle leaves? Stay tuned to find out.

The fic begins with an Author’s Note – one that is exactly like the summary. Don’t believe me? This is the summary;

Belle love’s Adam, but as a brother…Or a cousin or what ever. So she left. What would happen to him after Belle leaves? Stay tuned to find out. YAOI! pairing? Adam and Gaston Yaoi boyxboy Dont like dont read, I dont own beauty and the beast OOC Slash

And I do mean exactly.

“Not exact; one notices a shift in tense.”

That’s really the only difference, that and the multiple warnings about the fic being Yaoi. That’s always a good sign.

“One has the Brain Bleach on boil.”

Good ninja.

“I’m sorry Adam, I love you but…” Belle hesitated for a moment. “…But only as a brother,”

Or as a cousin, or whatever.

“Are all familial relationships in the outside world so complicated?”

Not really, but the author is just trying to get the skirt out of the fic as fast as possible.

“But that can’t be!” Adam yelled. “You must have loved me, how else would the curse be gone?”

Belle smile’s and holds Adams hand, “there are different types of love,” she said. “You are special to me…But you’re not the one I’ve been waiting for…He’s still out there…Somewhere.” Belle said, glancing out the open window.

This is an excellent point, and one I’ve covered before, so I’m happy to see that someone decided to take the traditional tale in a different direction – but I’m also a little disappointed that the only reason this author decided to write it this way was so that Gaston and Prince Adam could bump uglies.

“It is quite a waste of potential.”

“…I understand…” Adam said sadly, looking away from Belle.

:Ghostie headdesks:

“One senses you are troubled, Ghostcat-sama.”

Prince Adam has been under the impression that only finding his True Love would break his curse. Now that it’s broken and she’s friend-zoning him …

“Cousin-zoning.”

Whatever. Now that she’s cousin-zoning him, he should be very hurt, angry, and confused. There’s a lot that could be explored there, but it’s being shunted aside to make way for the inevitable  boning.

“Thank you Adam,” She said, caressing his cheek. “I’ll never forget you,” she said as she walked out the door.

:Ghostie waves:

Good-bye, lone female! I wish I could go with you, wherever it is you are going in this endless Formless Void.

“Anywhere is better than here.”

I’m sure Goeth will fill you in on what you’re missing in class.

Adam fell to his knees, “…The only person I came to love…Just left me.” He thought, out loud.

:double headdesk:

He thought it out loud. Of course he did.

He jumped when he felt someone’s hand on his shoulder.

AHHHH! :Ghostie flails about wildly, striking Ishi in the arm:

“One is innocent!”

:Ghostie glares at Ishi:

“One is innocent in this matter.”

Okay, I’ll give you that.

“…I’m sorry, Young Master,” Lumiere said.

“…Leave me alone,” Adam said, getting to his feet.

“As you wish,” Lumiere said while exiting the room.

Wow, Lumiere was really concerned for Adam, wasn’t he?

“One can truly feel how emotional he becomes in those seven words of dialogue.”

“Is he going to be ok?” Mrs. Pott asked, feeling concern for Adam.

Feel for him! Feel for him NOW!

“Do you require a sedative, Ghostcat-sama?”

Not yet. The sad thing is, it would be quite easy to paint Adam as a sympathetic character. I probably would feel bad for him, if I were at all emotionally invested in this character. I’m not, because there’s been no attempt to establish him other than “he got dumped, so feel bad for him!”

“…I think its best that we leave him alone for a while,” Lumiere said, walking away, with Mrs. Pott, from Adams room.

Leaving Adam emotionally vulnerable and isolated from any other characters floating in the nearby Void.

“Subtle.”

‘Why did she leave? What did I do wrong?’ Adam thought to himself, while running his hand through his hair. ‘Maybe this is a bad dream…Yeah, it must be!’ He thought, hope suddenly filling his heart.

“Will he now engage in the clicking of red-spangled shoes while desiring to be at his residence?”

Wrong source materials.

‘But what if it isn’t a dream?’ he thought, while lying on his bed. ‘…then I’ll be alone again…’ he thought, tears streaming down his face. ‘No…I don’t want to be alone …’ he said, while falling asleep.

Wait, when did he get into bed? Was he in his bedroom the whole time? That would mean Belle visited him in his bedroom specifically to tell him she just wanted to be friends. Harsh.

“Such actions are quite improper and could be misconstrued.”

Yeah, no wonder he’s confused as hell. If a woman I liked was in my bedroom and suddenly said she just wanted to be friends…

“Cousins.”

Whatever. If she said that, I’d be understandably upset.

“And you would be suffering from the blueness of balls.”

That’s not really something that I’d have to worry about.

“Why not?”

… It’s times like this that I seriously question your medical credentials.

And if this is the same bed shown in the film, it should be busted all to hell so it isn’t going to be very comfortable. He shouldn’t be able to just drift off to sleep like that.

“You should not judge others so harshly, Ghostcat-sama. There are those who prefer a disorganized bed.”

Disorganized? It’s a pile of splintered wood!

“One remembers sharing a similar bed with Kanai-san…” :sighs deeply:

Please don’t feel the need to elaborate on that.

“Such a delicate flower blooms best when her sleeping skin is caressed by river-smoothed pebbles gently warmed in the sun, but she endured it for our love.”

I’m begging you to stop.

“Your love will come to you soon,” said a little floating light that brightened the dark room.

Navi? Why are you in this fic?

“What?” Adam questioned, as he approached the light.

“Soon…”It said, while floating away.

Helpful as always, I see.

“At least she did not implore him to listen to her.”

“No please, don’t leave,” Adam yelled, attempting to catch the light.

“Soon…”

“Tell me who it is!”

“Soon…”

“Please!”

Why does he keep saying “please” instead of “tell me” or something that would actually be productive?

“If it is answers that he desires, one would suggest the use of a flyswatter and a small jar with holes in the lid.”

“Soon-”

“PLEASE!” Adam yelled, waking up from his dream.

Oh, it was a dream sequence!

“Apologies, but how long has he been contained within the dream?”

Huh?

“Did he dream only of the tiny blue annoyance, or has all that transpired taken place within his dreams?”

Ooh, that would be interesting! I assume he only dreamed the Navi-knock-off, but there could be a whole dream-within-a-dream going on.

So all that has been established thus far is that Adam is alone in his bedroom, the servants have all been put on a bus, and that his love will “come soon”. If the audience was under the illusion that this was anything but porn, that would dispel the notion.

His vision was still blurry. There was an object moving in front of him. “…Who’s there?”

I really hope that’s Navi.

“A Xenomorph would also be acceptable.”

You really have your heart set on getting one of those, don’t you?

“It is at the top of one’s Sithmas list.”

You don’t celebrate Sithmas!

“One would if one received a Xenomorph.”

Adam questioned as he attempted to sit up. But something prevented him from getting up, his hand tied were tied together, on his back side.

“If one’s hands are tied behind them, it remains possible to sit up if one can still bend at the waist. It is awkward, but manageable.”

I really don’t want to know how you know that.

“What’s this?” he questioned as he tugged on the rope. “Unhand me at once!” He yelled, also noticing that his legs were also tied up.

I think you mean “untie me” since “unhand” only applies if someone is physically holding you with their hands.

“Not always. There was one instance, when Kanai-san…” :Ghostie reaches across the desk and covers Ishi’s mouth with her hand:

No.

“I can see why Belle left me for you…” The low voice startled Adam.

Wha? Belle didn’t leave anyone for Adam, or the Beast. She volunteered to stay, to take her father’s place in his dungeon.

:Ishi opens his mouth to speak:

:glaring at Ishi: Still no.

:Ishi sulks:

“Who’s there?” Adam questioned, finding the voice very familiar. His vision started to clear up. He saw the person stand before him, but couldn’t quite identify him, in pure darkness.

So his vision was foggy because reasons, and now it’s cleared enough that he can see someone in total darkness?

“Only he cannot really see the person, because of the purity of the darkness.”

I don’t think the author understands how eyes, or darkness, works.

“With a body like that…” The man continued, while lighting a candle on a small drawer, next to the bed. “Who wouldn’t want to claim you?”

Why is there a drawer beside the bed? Is it just floating there in the Void, or is it part of a piece of furniture?

“If there is a body that requires claiming, one would be honored to assist.”

I think this one’s still alive, sensei.

“One does not mind waiting.”

“You’re the man that attempted to kill me!” Adam yelled, trying to struggle free.

You’re going to have to narrow that down a bit; there were a lot of angry villagers running amok towards the end of the film and statistically a large percentage would be male.

“If there are many enemies, one would recommend making an indexed list to better facilitate identification.” :Ishi holds up a small notebook: “Like so.”

Let me see that. :takes notebook and flips through the pages: Sensei, the only name in here is Syl’s and she’s listed in the ‘Possible Threats’ section.

“It does no harm to plan for the future.”

“Gaston, at your service, or in this case, at my service,” Gaston chuckled. While getting closer to Adam.

If Gaston is just going to service himself, why did he go to the trouble of tying Adam up?

“Perhaps he finds it more enjoyable to have a captive audience.”

Literally.

“What are you doing here? You’re supposed to be dead!”

Is he? I’m assuming that the fic is following the film’s established plot, but that might not be the case since there have already been drastic departures from it. If he is dead, then Zombie Gaston is getting ready to have his wicked way with Adam.

“Ghostcat-sama! Do you know what have you done?”

:Ghostie slowly blinks:

Oh, gods; I just made the fic worse. :repeatedly headdesks: Why do I do that?!?

:Ishi pats Ghostie on the shoulder: “There, there; perhaps one could lift your spirits with a delightful anecdote?”

Please don’t.

“When I was falling to my death, I fell in the river, apparently it was deeper then it looks, so it saved my life.” Gaston said, while climbing on top of Adam’s body.

Okay, but how did you survive the river? You were wearing heavy boots, lots of clothes, and this is a time period when it was unusual for anyone, even sailors, to know how to swim.

“Rivers can also contain unseen hazards such as submerged trees and other flotsam that easily tears into the bloated flesh of one’s vanquished enemies, as well as hidden rocks.”

…I guess so.

“What do you plan on doing to me,” Adam asked, his voice a little shaky.

I know you’ve been sheltered your whole life, but really?

“It is beyond obvious. Clearly he has been prepared for the roasting spit.”

What?!? He’s not … No. This isn’t that kind of fic. :pauses: At least, I really hope it isn’t.

“At first I was planning on killing you,” Gaston said, while running his hand on Adam’s hip, making Adam jump. “But now that I’ve seen your real body, I want to devour you.” Gaston said, while licking Adam’s neck.

“See? One was correct!”

:Ghostie repeatedly headdesks:

I almost wish Syl was here. At least her mind is in the right gutter.

As much as I hate to admit it, sensei may have a point. Adam became the Beast when he was ten years old so it is very doubtful that he has any practical experience with the physical side of things; he had to be constantly coached when he was courting Belle because he knew nothing of relationships. He’s also spent the majority of his life being treated like an animal. It is very possible that he really thinks Zombie Gaston wants to eat him in the literal sense of the word.

“Uhh…”Adam moaned. “Stop! We’re both males, this isn’t right-Uhh!” Gaston’s hand began to rub Adam’s crotch, through the fabric.

Oh, dear.

“One is reminded of the manga that the clan’s honorable liaison enjoys.”

Yeah, it looks like we’re getting to the main event. I’m going to prepare a few censoring stickers, just in case things get really bad.

“You’re already getting hard by my touch,” Gaston said, smirking.

Ba?

Oh, honey; you don’t want anything to do with this fic. Just go play soccer with Gumdrop or something.

BA!

“Your concern for the hitsuji-oni is admirable, Ghostcat-sama.”

I just don’t want the Society of Smut getting any bigger.

“N-No I’m not!” Adam protested. Feeling his body heat up.

“Don’t lie to me,” Gaston said, while nibbling on Adam’s neck.

“Uhh!”

Speaking of  things getting bigger.

“It is a simple physiological response, Ghostcat-sama. With the right stimuli, a male’s penis can become erect without any emotional response required.”

You’re quite the romantic, aren’t you?

“You know you want this,” Gaston whispered in Adam’s ear, making him blush. Adam held back a moan when he felt Gaston’s fingers pinch his right nipple.

:Ghostie’s eye twitches:

Son of a monkey-balled bastard! Even though this is very clearly a sexual assault, the author is going to try to establish from the beginning that Adam is somehow enjoying this.

That is some seriously fucked-up shit.

:Ishi discreetly prepares a fire extinguisher:

He closed his eyes, hoping to wake up from this nightmare. He jumped when he felt his shirt being torn apart. “Wha-What are you doing?” Adam yelled, looking at the torn shirt being thrown to the other side of the room.

I know I said he was very sheltered, but he has to be picking up on the not-so-subtle clues by now.

“Perhaps he still fears that Gaston-san is going to consume his flesh.”

I hope not, that’s veering dangerously into vore territory. I do have standards, you know.

“Did you not work on a fic featuring intimate relations between shark and man?”

I didn’t say they were high standards.

Gaston didn’t reply, he began to lick Adam’s bare chest, making Adam tremble. “Don’t be scared…” He said while pinching Adam’s nipple.

“Uhh…stop, someone will here us,” Adam said, looking at the door.

“Let them,” Gaston said, as he bit down on Adam’s neck.

Dude, you want someone to hear you! I assume royalty such as yourself would have guards stationed somewhere nearby who would be delighted to aquaint this scumbag with the pointy end of a sword.

“A swift gelding would calm his aggressive nature.”

Also a good idea.

“Nnn…unhand me, please,” Adam begged.

“…No” Gaston said as he pulled down Adam’s pants.

“Please stop!” he yelled when he felt Gaston stroke his erection. “Stop please, I’ll give you anything you want…just please…Stop,” Adam begged, tears streaming down his face.

Gaston placed his hand on Adam’s cheek, whipping away a tear with his dumb, “…I can’t stop now,” Gaston said, smirking, enjoying his prince’s scared face.

:Ghostie repeatedly headdesks:

“You seem very troubled by their foreplay, Ghostcat-sama.”

This is NOT foreplay, sensei! That would imply that this is a consensual act when it clearly is not. The author is setting this up as some sort of S & M scenario when it is nothing but a straight-up rape.

I have nothing against people who are into submission play or domination play in any of their many variations… :Ghostie glances at Ishi: so many, many variations, even though that’s not my thing. Even simulated rape is understandable as an extreme form of S & M, if not something I would ever participate in – but consent is the key. Adam does not consent to this, he is in fact actively pleading for Gaston to stop. That is rape, pure and simple. No matter how the author tries to dress this mutton, it will never be lamb.

I’m so glad I sent Cerbs away, he does not need to be exposed to this.

“Your outdated sheep metaphors?”

That, too.

“No, please!” Adam yelled when he felt Gaston’s hand pump his erection. “Uhh-uhh,” he panted, feeling his climax already coming near. “I’m-I’m cumin!”

:Ghostie and Ishi look at each other:

“He is a savory spice used in curries and stews?”

Somehow I doubt it. And it is really disturbing how many little touches of vore keep popping up.

“Already? But we’re just getting started,” Gaston said, tightening his grip on Adam’s erection. “You cant come yet.” He said, while pulling out a little ribbon from his pocket. He then wrapped it, tightly, around Adam’s throbbing erection. “Perfect,” he said while kissing the tip.

“Apologies, but why does Gaston-san carry a ribbon on his person? Did he not arrive with the intent to slaughter his romantic rival?”

Really, sensei? That’s what you find strange about this scenario?

“Uhh-I-I need release…”

“Not yet,” Gaston said, turning Adam’s body over. Showing his bare back to Gaston. “I want to have fun too,” he said, while his lips curled into a smirk.

It’s a good thing Cerbs loves soccer so much or this could get ugly.

“Football.”

I don’t care what the rest of the world calls it, I’m an American and it’s soccer.

Gaston licked Adam’s back, going lower, lower, and lower, till he noticed a familiar scar on Adam’s back. “…This is from the time I stabbed you?”

“…what?”

‘”It is poor manners to draw attention to your partner’s unsightly blemishes. One believes that the mood has been ruined.”

Not that there was much of a ‘mood’ to begin with.

“This scar, was from the time I stabbed you, right?” Gaston asked, tracing his hand on it.

“It didn’t clear up?” Adam asked, dumbfounded. “I thought it cleared up by now…Yes, It’s the scar you left me.”

This is going in a very weird direction.

“Gaston-san is a hunter; perhaps he is angry that his trophy has been marred.”

I really hope that’s not the case.

Gaston stared at it for a moment. “…I ruined this beautiful body,” he said, making Adam blush.

“It would seem one’s assessment is correct.”

… That just made things so much weirder.

“D-Don’t say foolish things,”

“…I’m sorry,”

‘Tha-Thump…Tha-Thump…Tha-Thump,’

Oh, great – unattributed dialogue.

“And what appears to be a heartbeat sound effect.”

Yeah, the good ol’ anime/manga ‘doki-doki’.  You should probably dispatch the clan to sedate Herr.

“No worries.” :Ishi holds up a cell phone: “One has already swiped Koori-chan.”

Koori-san? Why are you sending her?

“There are favors owed.”

She finally talked you into making those grills Barty wanted, didn’t she?

“A most noisome task.”

I can imagine. Well,  I’m just warning you right now – if that turns out to be Adam apologizing for anything, imma stab someone.

:Ishi scoots his chair away from Ghostie: “One appreciates the gesture, Ghostcat-sama.”

“…What did you say?” Adam asked, as he turned around to see Gaston’s face.

“I’m sorry; it probably caused you a lot of pain,”

You know what would be a good way to apologize? UNTYING HIM AND GETTING THE HELL OUT OF THERE!

:Ishi falls over backwards and rolls out of his chair:

Sensei?!?

“母？あなたなの？”

Crapcakes. I think I broke my ninja.

“Ghostie-chan?”

Yes, it’s me.

“If it is agreeable, one would like to remain on the floor.”

That might be best.

‘Tha-Thump…Tha-Thump…Tha-Thump,’

DAMMIT!

:Ghostie stands up and forcefully flips over the heavy desk:

Don’t try to pull this ‘doki-doki’ bullshit! This isn’t a budding relationship, it’s a damned crime scene!

:muffled: “One concurs.”

Why do you sound so … :looks down at shattered remains of desk: Oh, no.

—THE LIBRARY IS EXPERIENCING TECHNICAL DIFFICULTIES—

—PLEASE STAND BY—

Sorry about that, sensei.

“It is of no consequence. Nothing a good respawn cannot remedy.”

You don’t have to sit all the way on the other side of the room, you know.

“Please forgive one’s caution, but distance seems prudent when you are in such a volatile mood.”

Fair point. The wall of interns seems a little extreme, though.

“It is a good life experience for them.”

Adam’s heart rate raced when he saw Gaston’s face, soften. “…Don’t worry about it,” Adam said, looking away. “The pain is gone now,”

What about the pain of being tied up in an awkward position and fondled by someone who may or may not be a zombie? Not to mention that Adam’s on his stomach so he’s probably having to contort himself to look Gaston in the eye.

“While having a ribbon tied around his penis.”

Yeah, I forgot about that. Probably because the author is reluctant to use the word ‘penis’ even though they are writing smut.

“I’m sorry,” Gaston said, while leaning closer to Adam’s face. “I’ll never hurt you again,” Gaston said, while placing his lips on Adam’s.

“Mmm…”

Bite him! Bite him! Bite him! C’mon, interns!

:everyone starts chanting:

BITE HIM! BITE HIM!

Now do The Wave!

Adam moaned onto the kiss. Feeling Gaston’s lips gently messaging his own, was too much for him to handle. He practically melted to the kiss.

:Ghostie repeatedly kicks the remains of her desk. A fragment breaks free and flies into the air, strike an intern in the face:

‘MY EYE!’

Oh, suck it up. It’s not like you don’t have another one.

Gaston pulled away from the kiss, almost making Adam groan in disappointment. (Almost)

Oh, hell no. Is that a frickin’ Author’s Note in the narration?

:THWACK!:

You have no idea how badly I’ve wanted to do that.

He then un-tightened the ribbon on Adam’s erection,

“One is not familiar with the term ‘un-tighten’, Ghostcat-sama.”

You have the strangest priorities, sensei.

making him cum all over their bodies.

:Ghostie wordlessly dumps a bucket of Brain Bleach over her head:

“Ahh!” Adam panted, while lying, limp, on the bed. Gaston then began to untie Adam’s hands and legs.

“…Sorry for the trouble,” Gaston said, while walking towards the door.

“Apologies, but why does Gaston-san not complete the task of untying him?”

Who cares? Zombie Gaston is leaving!

“While nude?”

What?

“The semen made contact with Gaston-san’s body, not his clothing. Therefore, he is not wearing any.”

Why do you keep making it weirder?

“Wait!” Adam yelled, sitting up. “…don’t just leave me like this,” He said, trying to find an excuse to make Gaston stay. Wait-Why is he even trying to make him stay?

Honey, no! You are so close to being rid of him. Just get him the hell out of there!

“He could use help removing the ropes.”

HE CAN GNAW THROUGH THEM!

“You do realize, if I stay any longer, I won’t be able to control myself,” Gaston said, looking at Adam.

:snort: Like you’ve been doing such a good job of ‘controlling yourself’ so far.

“Gaston-san has not eaten him yet.”

Please don’t bring that up again.

Adam blushed at Gaston’s words. “…It’s just…I don’t want to be alone…” Adam said, feeling tears run down his face. “…I’ve been alone since child hood, even Belle left me…just please don’t leave-” Adam felt Gaston’s hand placed on his cheek.

:Ghostie headdesks:

Then why the hell did you send everyone away before? If you don’t want to be alone and you don’t want to be around people, just get a pet!

“One recommends the noble leech; they make a delightful addition to the home and are available at a very reasonable cost.”

Koori-san’s the only one who’d ever take you up on that offer and she already has Hiru.

Gaston placed his lips back on Adam’s, receiving a moan.

I got moan from kissing the wrong boy in high school, wound up missing two weeks of class.

No, wait – mono. I got mono in high school.

Adam wrapped his arms around Gaston’s neck, trying to deepen the kiss. Gaston licked Adam’s lips for access.

…I don’t think Adam knows how to kiss.

“You did say he had been quite sheltered.”

And apparently I was right. I’d like to know how he was trying to ‘deepen’ the kiss without opening his mouth. Did he just smash their mouths together as hard as he could?

“An excellent way to lose a tooth.”

Adam mentally opened his lips, letting Gaston’s tongue slide in.

He did what? How would that even work? What is going on?

“Gaston-san is psychically caressing Adam-sama’s brain with his tongue?”

You just have to keep making it weirder, don’t you?

They fought for dominance, but Adam eventually gave in, letting Gaston Dominate his mouth.

:Ghostie repeatedly headdesks:

“Are you unwell, Ghostcat-sama?”

This is just so bad. Zombie Gaston was seconds away from raping Adam – the man was licking his back! A twinge of conscience over an old scar kept him from going through with it, which was good, but Adam seems to have completely forgotten about being terrified of Zombie Gaston. He was begging Zombie Gaston to let him go, but now he’s letting the bastard tongue-wrestle with him. This is so wrong in so many ways.

“Did Gaston-san not previously intend to murder Adam-sama?”

The whole murder/revenge thing kind of vanished after Zombie Gaston was overwhelmed by lust for Adam’s perfect body.

Gaston pulled away from the kiss. “Can I keep going then?” Gaston asked, looking into Adam’s eyes with lust. Adam nodded, shyly. Gaston smiled and placed his lips back on Adam’s. Making him lay back down on the bed.

Oh, now you care about his consent?

“Was that not your original grievance?”

Yes, and it still is. Consent now doesn’t erase his previous actions.

Adam didn’t once let go of Gaston. He didn’t want him to leave. Gaston’s hand then grabbed Adam’s erection, pumping it.

Say it with me – ‘penis’. If you can’t use the word, don’t write smut.

“Mmph!” Was the sound Gaston received.

…I don’t think he did that right.

“Some men have trouble performing their familial duties. A properly applied leech…”

I’m begging you not to finish that thought.

Adam tightened his grip on Gaston, while thrusting his hips onto Gaston’s hand.

Adam must have very narrow hips if he can manage that.

“Or has a spare pair of hips nearby in case such an opportunity presents itself.”

I don’t even want to know.

Gaston pulled away from the kiss. He leaned in close to Adam’s erection, licking the tip. “Nhh!” Adam moaned, when he felt Gaston’s tongue travel lower.

This has to be some of the least erotic writing I’ve ever read.

“Worse that Kurunchi-san’s Ode to A Vent?”

It’s a close call, but Crunchy’s poems aren’t supposed to be sensual in nature and this is.

Gaston then found Adam’s entrance.

“One assumes this is the anus?”

:refills Brain Bleach bucket: Unless Adam’s hiding a different kind of doorway under his sheets, yes.

He started to lick it, while still pumping Adam’s erection.

:Ghostie gags: Dude, that is so unsanitary!

“Loveplay takes many paths, Ghostcat-sama.”

It’s still gross; there are so many germs in the rectal area that can do all sorts of nasty things to a person, especially during the time period this is set in. Cholera and typhoid shouldn’t be STDs.

“Certainly, but …”

Sensei!

“Apologies.”

“Ahh-D-Don’t lick there Ahh-” Adam protested, feeling Gaston’s tongue thrust inside him.

:Ghostie dumps another bucket of Brain Bleach over her head:

“Don’t worry, it feels good, doesn’t it?” Gaston asked, while thrusting a finger inside Adam.

“Ahh!” Adam groaned at the pain. “It-It feels weird!” he shouted, feeling another finger go inside him.

“It will feel good soon,” Gaston said, thrusting his fingers in deeper.

Not unless you have some lube hidden away somewhere; I don’t think a little spit is going to give you the required lubrication.

“One could provide …”

:points at Ishi: You say one word about leeches and I’ll tell Kanai-san what really happened to her good wig.

“Ahh!” Adam arched his back when Gaston hit something inside him. “Ahh-Don’t stop,” he moaned.

Gaston smirked, as he presided to hit the same special spot. The feeling was sensational, he wanted more. He started to thrust his hips into Gaston’s fingers. Gaston then pulled his fingers away, making Adam groan in disappointment.

After some hesitant research, I discovered that there is a spot in both men and women, the pudendal nerve, that can be stimulated during anal intercourse and is supposedly similar to the g-spot.

“One could have provided educational diagrams.”

That’s really not necessary.

“It is no trouble. One has an extensive collection.”

I didn’t need to know that.

Anyway, most erotic Yaoi manga makes a big deal about this spot, with every character able to hit the Sweet Spot the first time and every time, but I don’t know how true that is to life. Presumably the author decided to include it because, like most of the fic, it’s something that happens often in Yaoi manga or anime.

“Do you want me inside you?” Gaston asked in a sensual voice.

:deadpan: Yeah, that’s just so very sensual.

“One senses sarcasm.”

No, really; it makes me all quivery in my womanly places.

“…One hopes one senses sarcasm.”

Gold star for you, sensei.

“Yes,” Adam said almost immediately. (Hungry ass XP)

That’s it, time for a little discussion regarding Author’s Notes in narration!

:Ghostie picks up the Xenodoken Gun:

“A most persuasive argument, Ghostcat-sama.”

That’ll learn’em to add unnecessary sidebar comments to a fic.

Gaston chuckled, making Adam blush. He placed his lips on Adam’s, while pulling out his rock hard erection.

:Ghostie gags:

Dude, don’t kiss him!

“You object to the physical display of affection?”

No, I object to the fact that Zombie Gaston just had his tongue in Adam’s rectum. I’m sure there’s a fetish for that, but … Ugh.

He positioned himself; nudging Adam’s entrance. “This will hurt, but not for long,” he said, pulling away from the kiss.

“Gaston-san is quite experienced in these matters. If one’s memory is correct, his previous interests were female.”

Women have butts, too, you know. Gaston really didn’t seem interested in Belle in a romantic way in the film, he just wanted to marry her because she was the most beautiful girl around and then have her pop out strapping sons just like him.

“So it would seem that Gaston-san’s true infatuation was with himself.”

And now he’s hot for Adam, or at least his body.

“Nani?”

Zombie Gaston really doesn’t care about Adam as a person, all of his conversation has revolved around how pretty he thinks Adam’s body is. Even if I was somehow willing to ignore the rape…

“Which one senses you are not.”

No; no, I am not. But even if I was, this is not a healthy relationship. Adam just doesn’t want to be alone, and Zombie Gaston is only looking to tap dat ass.

“Literally.”

Dude. No.

Adam nodded, while wrapping his arms around Gaston and reuniting there lips.

“You are looking quite green, Ghostcat-sama.”

:refills Brain Bleach bucket: I really hope this is almost over.

Gaston smiled onto the kiss. He slowly pushed into Adam. Adam groaned in pain. He tightened his hold on Gaston. “Ahh!” he yelled out, separating the kiss.

Yet more tedious daybook sex; I’ve seen bawdier things written on bathroom stalls, especially if Glasses has been into the cooking sherry again.

“One might even say the anal is quite banal.”

One might say that, but one shouldn’t or one might also find themselves being wrapped in skirt steak and tossed into Barty’s tank.

“Try to relax,” Gaston said, pushing his cock further deeper into Adam.

:alarms blare:

:Ishi holds up his cell phone: “Shall one swipe Koori-chan?”

I don’t think we’ll need her. The Deviant Delegates were a bit miffed at being locked out of the riff, so they are probably camped out in the hall right …

:loud shrieks, screams, and roars rattle the Riffing Chamber’s blast doors:

Now. Oh, dear.

“One does not wish to leave the chamber.”

I think we should make the interns go first when we leave. As a precaution.

“Ahh!” Adam did what he was told, but the pain kept on coming. Tears streamed down his face.

“You were correct, Ghostcat-sama; the saliva was insufficient.”

:winces: Kind of wish I had been wrong this time. Maybe I’m old-fashioned, but sex shouldn’t hurt like that. If your partner is crying in pain (and you aren’t deliberately doing something with their consent that’s meant to cause that reaction) you should stop having sex immediately because something has gone very badly wrong.

“Don’t worry, It’ll feel good soon.” Gaston said, kissing Adam’s forehead.

“Once sufficient blood has been spilled from the torn and abraded tissues to supply the needed lubrication?”

:Ghostie cocks the Xenodoken Gun:

“One has regrets.”

Next time, think before you speak.

In a slow and steady pace, Gaston began to thrust Adam. Moments went by until Adam, gave out a loud moan in pleasure, “Uhh!”

Gaston smiles, ‘found it,’ he thought to himself. He kept thrusting his hips, a little faster, into the same spot, driving Adam mad with pleasure.

“Ahh-Ahh-Ahh…G-Gaston, Faster!” Adam shouted, wanting more. Gaston smiled at hearing Adam say his name. He thrusted harder and faster into Adam. Adam wrapped his legs around Gaston.

“One has a question, Ghostcat-sama.”

Oh, gods.

“How is it that such an explicit work is less erotic than the unintentionally sensual works found within the Library’s archives?”

Huh. That’s a good question, sensei. I’m not really sure. It happens a lot in smut fics, and even in supposedly “Romance” fics, when the author either doesn’t bother establishing a relationship between the characters or rushes through establishing the relationship just so they can move on to the sex. The lack of chemistry, and lackluster writing, makes these scenes very dry…

“Exceptionally dry in this instance.”

Eww, sensei! Anyway, it leaves the sex very dr….Er, mechanical and soulless.

“I-I’m cumin!” Adam shouted, feeling his climax coming near.

I’m going to have a difficult time making chili after this.

“Can one interest you in a cup of Brain BleaChai?”

Please and thank you.

Gaston placed his lips on Adam’s.

Better make it a double, sensei.

“Ahhh!” Adam shouted, as he climaxed all over Gaston and himself. Gaston came after him, filling his seed inside Adam.

:swipes phone: “One shall have Koori-chan warm the big kettle.”

Tell her to hurry.

:Koori appears in a flurry of leaves, holding a kettle as big as she is:

 Arigatou gozaimashita, Koori-san. 

:Koori places the kettle on the floor, bows, and disappears in another burst of foliage:

:pours Brain BleaChai: You know who I really feel sorry for?

“The Darkwraith assigned to clean up after Koori-chan?”

:a Darkwraith shuffles in carrying a broom and a long-handled dustpan; it sighs deeply and starts slowly sweeping up the leaves:

No, I was thinking of Mrs. Potts or whichever staff member has to clean up the mess those two are making.

:Koori pops in, places a tray of cookies on the desk, and pops back out, leaving two new deposits of leaves:

Although Rosebud does have a pretty thankless job, too.

Gaston fell limp on top of Adam. He wrapped his arms around Adam and said, “I promise I won’t leave you.”

At least he didn’t just roll over and start snoring.

“One does not understand; is that not an acceptable response?”

Ugh. Men.

:Ghostie sips her Brain BleaChai:

You know, given that their “relationship” started out as a sexual assault, that “I’ll never leave you” statement takes on some very stalker-ish overtones once you start thinking about it.

“You think far too much, Ghostcat-sama.”

Well, once this fic is over I’m going to crawl into that kettle and stay there until my brain goes all pruney.

“Your brain is already delightfully wrinkled, Ghostcat-sama.”

…See, it’s saying that kind of weird shit that makes people not want to hang out with you, sensei.

“And shoot one with explosive acidic aliens.”

You deserved that.

Authors notes*

:repeatedly kicks desk: DAMMIT!

“The cookies!” :pushes aside the interns to grab the tray before it falls:

 My best work EVAR!

“Nandatte?”

I haven’t read all of the author’s other fics, there’s nineteen listed on her profile, so I can’t prove or disclaim this statement. – but there is an unsettling pattern in her fics. All of them have Yaoi warnings in their summaries, and many mention Slash or Rape as well. There’s even one for Downton Abbey with a “Slash/Mild Rape” warning, which just makes me see red. Hell, she’s even written a Slenderman slash fic with a graphic cannibalism scene in it.

:Ghostie slaps herself:

I didn’t need to know that was a thing, and now I can’t get it out of my head!

:Ishi refills Ghostie’s cup and tosses it into her face:

That helps a little bit, thanks.

 Leave a lot of reviews!

This fic does have a number of reviews, over two dozen the last time I checked.

“One hopes they point out the numerous issues with the work.”

Someone on ff.net give genuine concrit? BWA-HA-HA-ha!

:Ghostie falls out of her chair:

“One assumes from your response that this is untrue.”

And how. They’re all positive and some even offer suggestions, like introducing mpreg elements into the fic.

“Nan des’ ka?”

Male pregnancy.

“That is a medical impossibility.”

And yet that doesn’t stop fanfic authors from writing about it.

“The ways of the outside world are strange indeed.”

You’ll get no argument from me. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got some memories to drown in spiced bleach.

:Ishi hands Ghostie a rubber duckie:

---