1431: My Little Unicorn: Magic is Believing (That still means nothing) Chapter 20 part 1Posted: May 31, 2016
Title: My Little Unicorn: Magic Is Believing
Author: Dakari-King Mykan
Topic: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
URL: Chapter 20
Critiqued by Erttheking
Ert: Guh. It’s still going. Why the hell is it still going? Why does he need to have every “season” of his have 26 chapters? How did a tool like him ever do enough to learn that that’s the baseline for seasons anyway?
Nora: The universe loves to mess us up in just the right ways.
A visit to Equestrian
Ert: Well I see someone got hit by auto-correct. I know because it’s been happening to me a lot these past few weeks.
To Buddy Keith:
Cornelia: Does anyone else like Buddy Keith already? Knowing that he apparently left a review that Mykan felt the need to respond to?
Ert: Actually yeah, I DO like him. And I don’t even know what he said.
You wanna talk to me, find some other way, heck get an account even
Ert: Well this added a lot. What’s next?
In the magical kingdom of Equestria,
Nora: So he managed to get it right here. I know we have typos too, but it’s just fun to point out when someone like Mykan does it.
it was that time of the year for the Grand Galloping Gala ball, and this year, Twilight Sparkle and her friends promised to have a much better time.
Ert: … WAIT A GODDAMN MINUTE! “This year?” You mean it’s been a year since the season one finale of the show? And they’re going to the GGG again? (Also a gala is a type of dance. Calling something a gala ball is like saying, “Get to the automobile car.” Learn the meaning of words Mykan.) Uh. Spoilers for the end of the chapter, but Nightmare Moon makes her appearance there. So not only is Mykan ripping off one episode of FIM, he’s ripping off two. That is a special kind of lazy.
Cornelia: No kidding. Most people have the decency to only rip off one plot at a time.
Nora: Also Nightmare Moon is supposed to be dead at this point. What’s the matter, Mykan? Were you seeing so much red at someone having better writing than your stories that you missed that?
“I don’t think I’d like to go.” Fluttershy said timidly.
Nora: Yeah … last time you were there it didn’t go very well.
Nora: Though credit where credit it’s due, it takes a lot of maturity to realize you would react badly in a situation and then avoid it.
“WHA-AAT…?” cried Pinkie Pie “But you can’t bail out! It would be like a party without cake or a pool party without water or, or song without singers…”
Ert: SHUT UP PINKIE PIE! Sorry, sorry. I’m still not over Vegas Isn’t Magic.
Cornelia: I think most of the Librarians have works that they’ll never quite get over.
Ert: I’m certainly not getting over any EP works this decade.
“Calm down, Pinkie!” said Twilight. “Fluttershy, why don’t you want to go?”
Ert: Twilight, I know you’re a bit on the anti-social side and aren’t completely familiar with how people react at social gatherings. I’m the same way, I understand. But even you should be able to connect the dots here. (Holy crap this is a nice change of pace. I can talk about characters with some depth. Or at least characters that are SUPPOSED to have depth. At least now I can talk about how they’re OOC. Mykan’s characters gave me NOTHING!)
Fluttershy trembled nervously and tried to hide her face inside her mane. “Dang it, girl.” snapped Applejack “You gonna tell us, or do we have to sit and guess?”
Nora: Inside her mane? The way that’s worded it sounds like her neck is really twisting around in an uncomfortable manner.
Fluttershy explained that after the mess she made last year, she wanted try fresh and maybe ask to dance with a colt.
Ert: Wait, does she want to go or not? You need to actually go in order to dance with someone. Which is it? Mykan, did you proof- oh of course he didn’t. Oh, and STALLION! Colts are male horses that haven’t fully grown. Fluttershy isn’t a damn pedophile! You’ve been getting away with calling people boys because you’ve been fairly equal about it, but the Mane Six are established to be, at the very least, in their 20s. It’s getting creepy now.
Cornelia: The foreshadowing is on par with most fics we’ve seen around the Library before. Future love interest talks about wanting a boyfriend. Well not a boyfriend, but considering Mykan’s history with romance, wanting to dance with someone is on par with wanting a boyfriend.
“Oh you must! You simply must!” cried Rarity “I myself have already been asked to the ball by several of the colts, and I promised I’d dance with each and every one of them at least once. To think, that neglecting one would break his poor heart.”
Nora:…Want to change your opinion on that Cornelia?
Cornelia: I have no idea. I’ve heard people complain about sexism from Mykan, so him trying to depict Rarity as “loose” isn’t out of the question.
“I wish I was one of those boys.” muttered Spike.
Cornelia: At least people are mostly in character here.
Fluttershy just didn’t have the courage to even think of asking a colt.
Ert: Ok, clearly we should’ve started here, because this halfway makes sense and is in character. Only halfway makes sense, as now that I think about it, I don’t really know how this connects to her…incident.
That didn’t surprise anyone in the least bit. “Ah, come on. You just need better confidence, like me.” said Rainbow Dash as she zipped up and down and every way around “What kind of colt would resist this?”
Nora: Yes Rainbow, simply telling someone that they need to change their personality will automatically cause them to change it.
Ert: I’ve had bad parts of me that I’ve actively wanted to get rid off for years, and I’ve had mixed results with it. Changing who you are is doable, but freaking hard.
The others honestly didn’t know how to answer that.
“You could always just come with us.” said Twilight “At least you’d be with your friends.”
Nora: Uh, you mean the thing that they did last time? You mean that this wasn’t their default option? Well that was a load of false drama.
Cornelia: It’s the only kind most of the stories on this website have.
Fluttershy peeked through her mane. “Um… gee… that would be nice.” Still, she just lost her nerves all over again, and ran for home as it was getting late, and the ball was tomorrow night.
Ert: Wait, she didn’t have any plans for how she was going and it was tomorrow? Well that was really freaking short notice! If you NEED a partner (You don’t) then there would be
Rarity just realize “Oh, my! I have so much to do. Ball gowns to sew, tuxedos to stitch, or I must remember to look my best for each of the colts I promised to dance with. One must always look her out most glamorous no matter who she dances with.” then she ran off.
Nora: Again. This is REALLY short notice. I don’t see people stopping by to pick up their dresses en mass on the day of the Galla. I mean, I suppose one or two people would’ve put it off, but it sounds like she’s going to deal with a freaking rush.
“Same old Rarity…” Twilight sighed
Ert: Wow. Even when trying to depict the Mane Six as shallow stereotypes he falls flat. Where’s Rarity’s vanity? Her stuck up nature? You didn’t even boil her down to her negative traits only! Just her job!
Cornelia: Wow. And he said he made this story just to bash FIM. His words, he said bash. Mykan. You are bad at bashing.
Spike just kept gazing heavenly at Rarity’s empty seat “Yeah… same old Rarity.” He sighed with hearts in his eyes.
Goeth: This is what happens when I leave the freezer unlocked. Give me those back!
“Spike…!” snapped Twilight.
The others just sighed in dismay. Poor Spike never gave up.
Ert: He really doesn’t. Then again he’s a kid. He’ll grow out of it. Sorry, thinking about objectively superior work.
Fluttershy was lying on the ground outside her house with her animal friends all around. Playing with the animals always cheered her up when she felt sad and nervous, but so did looking at the stars. “They’re so beautiful.” she said “You could almost reach out and touch them.”
Ert: Wow, Fluttershy’s ADHD is worse than mine. Also, who the heck has a small horde of animals around them, active animals, and chooses to look up at the sky? Even if the stars are out?
Then, she saw a glowing star, and she wasted no time in making a wish. “Oh great wishing star, I wish I could have the courage to show myself at the Grand Galloping Gala.”
Nora: Amazing. Even when doing something cliche and childish Mykan half asses it. What, no “Star light, star bright” Mykan? I thought you’d be all over that.
Cornelia: Even in his awfulness, he’s lazy.
The star continued to glow, and it seemed to be coming in closer. “Huh…?” Fluttershy began to realize it wasn’t a star at all. “S…So… Something’s up there!” she cried. Her animal friends all scattered and hid. “Great idea…” she exclaimed as she hid herself too.
Ert: Oh goodie, here comes Rhymey. And there’s absolutely zero chance of him crash landing and burning.
The glowing was coming from the horn of a winged unicorn, one that Fluttershy had never seen before.
Cornelia: Yeah, we kinda figured since she’s only ever met one.
He seemed to be following the glow of his horn right to her house, and he landed in the front and Fluttershy got a look at him.
Nora: I’d like to know how the hell Fluttershy was able to tell that when he’s pretty far up. How did she even know that his horn was acting as a beacon? He’d be flying in the direction that he’s facing, so he’d always look like he was following his horn.
Ert: Mykan established something like this a long time ago. He expects everyone to assume it’s the same thing.
He was a yellow unicorn, exactly the same color as she was. His yellow mane was very short, and he wore a matching suit of armor across his body with matching boots on his hinds legs,
Cornelia: We didn’t assume that he put on different types of boots Mykan.
Nora: I kinda did. Rhymey seems like a hipster at times.
and he white pants. The stranger could see Fluttershy peeking through the shrubs, he stood upright on his hind legs, and bowed to her, and then he said…
“In friendship and goodwill, I come.
Ert: Goodwill. Yeah, to show their good will, Unicornicopia sent a pretentious poet as ambassador. There’s so little good will there that I honestly would’ve preferred a paper airplane. Made out of a picture of a dick.
Unicornicopia is where I’m from.
I’m searching for a long lost treasure
Take me, stranger, to you leader.”
Cornelia: Leader and treasure? Not even freaking close Rhymey. Not even close.
(Rhymey Can’t Rhyme Counter: 5)
Fluttershy, shaking with nerves, slowly came out from behind the shrubs, and much to this, and the stranger almost fell.
Nora: Oh come on Mykan. You could’ve made the wording of that sentence even more confusing. And awkward. And forces.
He had never seen such a pretty pegasi before.
Ert: Probably because he’s never actually seen one before in his like. And it’s Pegasus. What you said doesn’t even sound like a forced and badly constructed plural form.
“Forgive me if must stare.
You seem pretty and very fare.”
Fluttershy blushed, “Me… really?” she asked still feeling a little timid. “Um… do you… well I… just want to know… do you always speak like that… in rhyme
“Yes I do… all the time.” rhymed the stranger.
“My name is XL7Z,
Cornelia: Wait, this whole time those serial numbers have been their names? Unicornicopia just keeps getting more and more creepy with every chapter.
Ert: I’m struggling to tell if Mykan is doing this on purpose and out of spite, or if he’s really just that clueless. It’s honestly hard to tell.
But if you like, just call me Rhymey.
I’m pleased to greet you,
It’s nice to meet you.”
Nora: Rhyming you with you? Wow Mykan. Tell me, did you PLAN to utterly phone in the rhyming with this character? Or is it just kinda something that happened?
Cornelia: Betting that it just kinda happened. For some reason, Mykan seems rather fond of Rhymey.
Fluttered shy approached him on all fours and extended her hove. “Hi… I…I’m Fluttershy.”
Rhymey tenderly kissed her hoof, and Fluttershy’s face turned bright red. “Oh, my…! Oh…!” she was at a loss of what to say or do. Rhymey almost felt the same.
Ert: Ok, so not only is Rhymey a terrible diplomat from a practical perspective, he also thinks with his dick. Because romance.
Cornelia: I’m confused. Does Mykan like Fluttershy enough to pair her with Rhymey, or is this his way of punishing her for existing?
Nora: Oh boy, that’s a tough one.
“There’s history right before my face.
I’ve met new life in Dimensional Space.
Ert: It would’ve been history if this wasn’t the third damn time it’s happened in this story. Fourth if you count Lightning. At this point it’s just getting mundane.
And all because of my expedition,
To find the rainbow stone, that is my mission.”
Fluttershy seemed curious. “What’s a rainbow stone?” she asked.
“It’s rather difficult to explain.
Ert: No it isn’t. Magic rock that gives a power boost. Bam. Took me seven words. Mykan, your plots are incredibly simple. Not a single part of your stories can be accurately described as “it’s rather difficult to explain.”
Cornelia: The drama behind the stories are most certainly difficult to explain, but not the stories themselves.
But I have flown far, and my wings are in pain.” said Rhymey. Then he let out a yawn.
Nora: Man, the Grand Ruler is really awful at interdimensonal transport. He keeps dropping people off hours away from where they need to be.
“Oh, you poor thing.” said Fluttershy and she wasted no time at inviting him in for the night. Rhymey didn’t want to impose, but Fluttershy insisted.
Cornelia: I thought he wanted her to take him to their leader. Wow. Why was that cliched line ok for Mykan, but apparently he wasn’t all right with “star light, star bright?”
Ert: Hell if I know.
As he walked inside her house, his horn began to glow, which startled Fluttershy. “What’s going on?” she cried nervously.
“My horn is shining bright,
For the rainbow stone is somewhere insight.”
Ert:…Of course it is. We can’t have anything in this story taking effort. Seriously, he seems to almost take issue with that. Like the quality of his story will somehow be lessened if his characters have to try.
That’s when he noticed a small shining object hanging over the fireplace. It was half the rainbow stone that he had been looking for- the yellow part. Rhymey gazed in awe as he dashed over to take it. “Excuse me…?” asked Fluttershy.
Rhymey held the stone and cried…
“My mission has been a success,
The rainbow stone I now possess.”
Nora: You know in hindsight, there was never really a “quest” to gather all of the rainbow stones. Lightning and his friends only ever actively went looking for them twice, and one of those times was this time. The time where it immediately fell into his lap. Every other time they just happened to find them while doing other stuff, or were just flat out given it. This was pretty pointless.
Cornelia: Ironic, considering season 4 of MLP had the Mane Six searching for Macguffins, and they did a hell of a lot more active searching than this.
Fluttershy was still confused, but when Rhymey yawned again. She insisted that he rest.
Ert: I think you wanted a comma there Mykan. It doesn’t make sense with a period.
Luckily she had an extra cot when she had visitors, usually animals. “Here you go…” she said “I hope you’ll be comfy.”
Rhymey yawned again and said…
“Oh thank you, you are very kind,
And right now, it you don’t mind.
I’ll count the stars, or maybe sheep,
And slowly… fall… fast… a…sleep.” Then he was sleeping very peacefully.
Nora: Right. Ert, toss me that pillow.
Ert: *Tosses it* We gonna make sure that he never wakes up again?
Nora: He might wake up one last time, but never again.
Fluttershy left him alone, and was still hardly able to believe this; a strange unicorn just dropped down from the sky and was now sleeping in her house. Did her wish come true…?
Cornelia: No. No it did not. Because you wished for courage. Rhymey is not courage. Did Mykan think that she wished for a boyfriend?
Nora: It seems to be a badfic staple.
Ert: Having someone wish for a boyfriend and then getting one, or forgetting what actually happened in the story?
Her animal friends seemed to agree it had. “Oh… I just have to tell someone.”
Cornelia: And the animals you just established she can communicate with aren’t viable options why?
She got her chance when a knock at the door startled her. It was Applejack.
“What up, partner. You left in such a hurry you forgot to pay for your milkshake. Just thought I’d tell ya, ya owe me a little favor now, ya hear?”
Nora: And you’re coming to her house in the middle of the night to tell her this? Uh. Applejack. You’re not part of the mob are you?
“Applejack… you won’t believe this!” squeaked Fluttershy, and she kept going off in so many sentences.
Ert: Mykan, I know what you’re TRYING to say. That’s a start. Now go back and do it again in a way that doesn’t feel like the sentence broke both of its kneecaps.
Nora: Howdy Partner. That there sentence didn’ pay it’s pertection money. I hada teach it a lessun.
“Whoa there, racehorse…! Slow down at the pasture and tell me.”
Cornelia: Uh. I have no idea what that means. It’s like he just shoved in something horse related and thought that was good enough.
Ert: I’m questioning the “It’s like” part of that sentence.
“Oh…!” pepped Fluttershy. “Too bad Rhymey’s asleep.”
“Rhymey…? Who’s Rhymey…?”
Nora: Don’t ask. Just go back to your farm, drink any hard liquor you have, and forget this whole thing ever happened.
Fluttershy tried to explain about the stranger who dropped from the sky, but Applejack just giggled and laughed. “I think you’re a little more confused than a mouse in a catty corner.”
Ert: WHAT DOES THAT MEAN!?
“No! It’s the truth.” Cried Fluttershy, but Applejack didn’t believe her and merely dismissed that she had been up too late and her mind was playing tricks on her because of the ball.
Cornelia: Why is her opening the door and showing her the sleeping Rhymey out of the option? Is it for artificial tension? It is, isn’t it.
Nora: To make the Mane Six look like idiots is also an option.
“Look you just go catch some Z’s, and I’ll see ya tomorrow.” And she left still laughing, “Rhymey…? Unicornicopia…?”
Fluttershy felt a little upset.
Ert: Man. I know badly written cartoons like to shoehorn in drama, but even by their low standards this is weak.
In the gardens of Canterlot, near the hedge maze, The guards stood watch, when suddenly, from above in the starry skies, a pair of red and sinister looking eyes gazed down at the statues, preferable the one of the chaos god, Discord.
Ert: Mykan, your syntax is fucked again.
They eyes glowed brighter, and the statue suddenly faded into thin air, but the guards didn’t notice a thing.
Cornelia: Ok, so by the time this chapter came out, the second season had aired. So we’ve got a grand total of three FIM plots Mykan is blending together.
Nora: Hey Bob, you see the statue?
Ert: The one containing a dangerously powerful creature that could wreck havoc across the land and that we are sworn to keep here and watch at all times?
Nora: That’s the one.
Ert: Eh, probably around here somewhere.
Discord was brought back to life and found he was floating in the void of dimensional space. “Where am I?” he wondered. “Ooh… but this sure looks like fun.”
Cornelia: And then all of a sudden, chocolate everywhere.
That’s when two large red eyes appeared before him and he heard a dark and sinister voice call to him. “I have released you to do my bidding! I am your master now.”
Ert: I don’t know whether this is laughable of groan inducing. Let’s go with both.
Discord felt confused. “Excuse me, but have you any idea who you are addressing? I am Discord, the god of chaos. The only one who gives orders is me!” and he tried to zap magic on the two eyes, but to no effect. “What’s this?” he cried in disbelief.
Cornelia: Either Nightmare Moon or another boring villain that Mykan came up with. Either way, it doesn’t bode well for us.
“Your powers are as feeble as your attitude.” hissed the voice “Still… they will serve well with what I am about to grant you.”
Ert: Feeble attitude? Ok. Mykan, we need to talk. You’re allowed to have your villains say more than the cliched, “Fool! Curse you! You Dare!” set. You do have a vocabulary that expands beyond that right?
Again, Discord insisted, “Look… I’m very flattered that you freed me from that prison, and I’d love to make it up to you, but I really must be- AA-AAAH…!” He was being shrouded by powerful magic, “What is this…? What are you doing to me?” he demanded to know.
Nora: Oh relax, the safety word is Italy. Just take a deep breath and don’t fight it.
The evil voice sniggered wickedly.
Cornelia: Because apparently there’s a none wicked way to snigger.
Ert: Sniggering in an aroused manner?
Nora: Get out.
“Yes…! This will do nicely.”
When the magic had faded, Discord felt completely different, and his voice was much deeper too. He laughed hard ad evilly,
Cornelia: I hink ou a ord here Ykan.
Ert: Also Brainwashed!Discord has a deeper voice. I get the feeling that Mykan hates John de Lancie for being too good of an actor.
“What is your wish, my master?” he asked.
The evil voice behind the eyes laughed again.
Nora: so just to be clear, we have a voice given a physical form that is just floating behind a random pair of eyes. I am not intimidated.
The next day, all over Equestria, everyone was busy preparing for the ball.
Ert: Despite the fact that the GGG is an exclusive, invitation only party. But I guess Mykan missed that one episode where it was constantly hammered in that you couldn’t go to the Gala without a ticket because he was too busy thinking about how much he hates MLP yet also wants to do Celestia. Seriously, I’m not joking on that one, considering that his self insert loves her, and reinforces his love quite a bit.
Pinkie just couldn’t keep still. “It’s tonight! It’s really tonight!” she squeaked. She was so excited that she almost ruined Spike and Twilight’s new carriage when she ran by. “That Pinkie…” said Twilight “Do you think she’ll ever learn?”
Cornelia: Learn what? To not destroy carriages? Because she never really did that. Ever. This comment is confusing.
“Not as much as you.” said Spike “Great idea using a banana this year instead of an apple. It’ll fit more of you inside.”
Ert: It really does sound sexual.
Twilight had been practicing the spell for a while. “Yeah… I think it is a nice coach.”
Cornelia: That comment could not be anymore of a space filler if it tried. Granted I don’t think it did. At all. Still.
That’s when they heard someone touchdown on the roof.
“It really is a comfy car…
…for getting to places near and far.”
Ert: Can he just never be quiet? Does he always need to open his damn mouth and add something to the conversation? Is he one of those people that gets self conscious if no one has looked his way in the last three seconds?
Twilight and Spike looked up. “Hey, Fluttershy…” then she and spiked gazed at what they thought was Fluttershy. What happened to you? Is that what you’re wearing tonight?”
“Where’d you get that weird armor?” asked Spike.
Cornelia: This is actually Mykan being lazy in more ways than one. Not only does this not add anything to the story, it’s the result of Mykan “designing” Rhymey by taking Fluttershy and added onto it. Not that much.
Ert: Uh. Mykan, I’m glad that you’re open with your laziness, but it doesn’t really show you in a good light.
Rhymey felt annoyed…
“This armor, sir, belongs to me.
Cornelia: That doesn’t explain where you got it.
Now… who might you two strangers be?”
“Strangers…?” asked Twilight “Yeah… get real, Fluttershy.”
Ert: I kind of want to punch everyone in this scene in the gut, but I have no idea where to start. They’re just that irritating to read and to be in contact with
Rhymey raised an eyebrow in confusion. They thought he was Fluttershy?
Nora: Yeah. Because Mykan was an unoriginal hack. He did some blustering about stuff like this about how this was part of the bashing, but let’s be frank. This was just him covering his ass because he can’t write (or draw) to save his life.
“XL7Z is my name.
Call me Rhymey, it’s all the same.”
Cornelia: Do we have to?
Spike and Twilight felt Fluttershy was really off her string, and she probably had a unicorn perform a spell on her to change her into this, whatever it was, to help her be brave for the ball. They decided to just humor who they thought her.
Ert: Everyone is kinda stupid like that. Rhymey for not explaining things in depth and just kinda messing around instead of going to look for Celestia because this whole thing was Celesto’s way of declaring war. The Mane Six for not questioning why their friend has a horn and underwent gender reassignment surgery because “humor” I guess. And Mykan, for being bad at telling a story and bashing.
“Okay…Rhymey. I’m Twilight Sparkle, and that’s Spike.”
“Oh, tell us… Rhymey, what brings you to Equestria. Where did you come from?”
“Unicornicopia is where I am from
I’ve found the treasure for which I have come.”
Nora: And for some reason he’s still dicking around instead of, oh I don’t know, taking the rainbow stone back where it will be safe. We’ve established a long time ago that the Grand Ruler failed at doing that when he hid them.
Ert: No! We need to stay here! Because reasons! Said reasons being that everyone is dumb. This is good writing apparently.
“Oh they have treasures in Unicornicopia?” Spike asked teasingly “and they all wear outfits like yours?”
“Well can’t you hear?
It should be clear.” answered Rhymey.
Cornelia: So is that a yes or a no? See that’s the problem with characters that always rhyme. You can’t work it into casual conversation without making it sound forced. And it’s rather forced on a good day with Rhymey.
Ert: Assuming he can even fucking rhymey properly.
Twilight and Spike began to take their teasing a little too far by saying things like “Unicornicopian’s love to play tricks on others?” or even, “And they disguise themselves to cover up how shy and timid they are…?” This made them laugh, but Rhymey was not amused, he felt rather insulted.
“Honestly! This isn’t fair.
When did you two visit there?”
Nora: *Snort* I love the way that he said that. Like so many things Mykan wrote, it comes off different than what he intended. “Do we disguise ourselves to cover up how shy and timid we are? SHIT! WHO TOLD!?”
Cornelia: They’re being awfully rude to someone they think is their friend. But then again this is Mykan bashing the Mane Six. And if that’s what he’s trying to do, I have to say he’s doing a poor job. He’s still stuck in the “can’t do anything worse than a Saturday morning cartoon villain” mindset. Which makes his bashing more laughable than anything else.
Ert: Speaking of which, has he made a fic with me in it yet? I could use a laugh.
Twilight and Spike didn’t bother to answer and went off to get some decorations for the coach. Rhymey decided to fly off as he was exploring Ponyville a little before he would leave. It was really was a beautiful place.
Nora: Not that you’ve ever described it.
“Stop right there!” hollered a voice.
Ert: YES! TAKE HIM AWAY!
Cornelia: Wow. He even makes his grunts rhyme. Or at least tries to.
(Rhymey Can’t Rhyme Counter: 6)
Rarity approached Rhymey. “What in the world? This will not do…?” she said as she eyed him from head to hooves. Then she dragged Rhymey to her salon, much to his confusion.
“Who are you, what are you doing?
Tell me what it is you’re brewing?”
Nora: Look at that. A sentence that was perfectly self contained and was fine on its own. But gimmick = good writing in Mykan’s book, so he had to stretch it out.
Ert: I don’t even get it. Mykan keeps saying that the whole point of this is to bash MLP. Uh. How’s he doing that here?
Cornelia: I think Mykan just screams at people until they stop talking out of frustration.
Before he knew it, Rarity was giving him a makeover and stripped him of his armor and clothes, and when all was done. Rhymey has his suit back, but he looked like a dashing prince- doublets, a cape, and his mane was all slick down.
Ert: Suddenly. Wow though. Really, Mykan’s idea of “bashing” Rarity is to…make her even better at her job. And to make it so that she multi-tasks, as Rarity apparently opened up a salon in addition to her clothes shop. Uh. Shine on you crazy diamond?
“Oh, don’t you look the handsomest.” chirped Rarity “You’re really going to standout at the ball, Fluttershy; even you want be a male for the evening.”
Nora: I have no idea how to approach that in a way that isn’t transphobic.
Cornelia: Punching everyone in the face is probably a safe bet.
Now this frilly thought he was Fluttershy too, and what was all this talk of a ball? Rhymey tried to protest to all this, but Rarity insisted, “No need to thank me, I’m pleased to help everyone look their best. Off you go now.”
Ert: Frilly isn’t a noun. Unless he meant to say filly, in which case, we made an earlier point about this shit being creepy.
She pushed him out of the salon, much to his annoyance.
“I must say, she’s generous all right,
But the way she acted, she doesn’t seem polite.”
Nora: Name one thing that’s polite about the way you’ve been acting jackass.
He decided to head back to Fluttershy’s before someone else saw him.
Ert: Yeah, if he got saw by a wild dragon and eaten this chapter would be over. Tragic.
Fluttershy was nervous and panicking like crazy when she found Rhymey was gone,
Cornelia: Why? Does she not think he can take care of himself? Actually I take that back, it’s Rhymey. He’d get himself killed in three hours without supervision.
but she was delighted when he showed back up, and was dressed in formal attire. He had a rough time in Ponyville. Fluttershy fixed him a quick lunch.
“This food you’ve made is so delightful,
I think I’ll have another bite full.”
Nora: Exactly one bite over that and you’re going ass first out of that door then.
“I always say… a good hearty meal always makes you happy and well.” said Fluttershy.
Cornelia: No you don’t.
Ert: Oh and then they reiterate a bunch of things we already know, so I get to skip 200 words of stupid. Yay…
“I must return soon, as you know.”
He then gazed at her almost lovingly, “I wish you could come with me when I go.”
Nora: And me coming back is impossible for the same reason it was impossible for the Grand Ruler to come back. TWAGICK! Also not lovingly because unnecessary almost. That keeps happening in this chapter. Did Mykan replace “seemingly” with it?
Cornelia: Also he loves the person he’s known for less than a day.
Fluttershy raised a hoof to her heart. “Rhymey…? You mean it?” Of course she knew that wasn’t possible and very dangerous as well for her.
Ert: She knew this because of magic. I would not be surprised if that was Mykan’s actual reason.
Still, saying such a thing like that made her speechless, it was as if a colt had just proposed marriage to her.
Nora: To which the response would be either “Aw look, he’s so cute!” in a “I’m going to marry mommy!” kind of way, or “OH JESUS CHRIST I’M A PEDOPHILE!”
Cornelia: The best bashing Mykan has done. By accident.
“When do you have to leave?” she asked “Do you think maybe you’d have time to… well… if you could stay… would you… would you…” she hesitated “Would you dance with me at the Grand Galloping Gala?”
Ert: Well he doesn’t have a ticket. So no. But let me get out of the way with my logic.
Rhymey blushed, and thought that would’ve been lovely, but alas, he felt he wasted enough time already; he also didn’t have a ticket.
Nora: Wow, even the story is acknowledging why this wouldn’t work. Also, were you expecting this entire trip to only last a day? I mean, we know that the question for the rainbow stones turned out to be pathetically easy, but you think Mykan would try and hide that better.
Besides, the ball wouldn’t begin until well after nightfall, and by that time he’d be gone.
Cornelia: Was that his deadline? Did the Grand Ruler say, “Be back by this time or face summary execution?”
Ert: Don’t get my hopes up.
“But I suppose, just for a chance,
I will save you, one little dance.”
Ert: Yeah it’s called Knife and Candle. *Draws knife* Here, let me give you a little demonstration on how it works Rhymey.
Fluttershy stuttered and stammered in excitement, and then realized she hadn’t picked up her gown from Rarity yet. “I’ll meet you the roof of Canterlot castle at sunset.” she promised.
Cornelia: Why can’t he just do it now and get it out of the way. It sounds like he’s on a tight schedule.
It was already late afternoon, and a lot of the ponies had gone home to have a long rest for the ball. Twilight and Spike were still laughing about what they thought was a joke. When they met up with most of the others “What everyone laughing at?” asked Rainbow Dash.
Ert: Nothing funny, I can tell you that. Seriously, even if they were dense enough to say “Oh, Fluttershy’s voice, appliance, weight and gender all changed,” why are they finding it funny?
“It’s the funniest thing…” giggled Twilight, “Fluttershy’s so nervous about the ball, she’s pretending to be a creature from another dimension.”
Nora: I think this is all a bad dream caused by Twilight taking that anvil to the head.
Nora: Poor thing.
“Yeah…” chuckled Spike “Oh… named Rhymey.”
Pinkie kept leaping feeling all giddy “I just love when a practical joke is played. Maybe we should do something to humor her.”
Ert: Wow, you’re competing with Rhymey for how unnatural your speaking pattern is.
Rarity came along, and said she just gave Fluttershy her gown, she looked normal though, not like when she was in her supposed unicorn disguise. “I think she’s really taking this seriously. She said her… friend… Rhymey actually offered her to go back with him.” Everyone laughed.
Cornelia: Oh my God, is this still going on? Was Mykan proud of this idea or something? Everyone being really stupid? Mykan, your own characters do that. Pot calling the kettle black and all that.
Nora: The worst part is that he probably was proud.
Then Rarity had an idea. There was still time for her to make some extra costumes so they’d all look like winged unicorns, even Spike. “You’ll look adorable in that.”
Ert: Oh my God, someone please end this chapter. This somehow keeps getting more and more asinine.
Spike turned to face her, “What did you say…?” he asked. That’s when he pictured Rarity standing in a flowery field and her voice was heavenly. “I said you’d be adorable.”
Poor Spike was so dazed that he fell out of his seat. Twilight rolled her eyes. Still, everyone decided to get in on the joke.
Cornelia: Spike has a crush on Rarity. This added nothing. Then again it was kinda like that in the show.
Ert: Ok…that’s enough. We were rather busy this week and couldn’t get this entire chapter done (That and I was getting fed up with the concentrated stupidity) so I’m going to have to leave it there until next week.