1309: Tomorrow Is Always Better Rewrite – Chapter 3

Title: Tomorrow Is Always Better Rewrite
Author: LaRae and Ninjas Incorporated
Media: Anime/Manga
Topic: Ouran High School Host Club
Genre:  none given
URL: Chapter 3
Critiqued by Ghostcat

Welcome back, dear Patrons!

We’re halfway through this odd little fic, and thus far there’s a whole lot of nothing going on. Kyo-Sue and Lena went to school mere hours after arriving in the country and there was a hasty little info-dump tacked on the end of the last chapter that tried (and failed) to explain why no one has told Lena about her status as a kidnapping victim.

Ugh. These chapters are about as substantial as a stale rice cake.

Lena was sitting at a table with me during lunch, she was happily eating a cookie while holding Usa-chan.

I’m hoping the lack of tags means that this event is occurring shortly after the meeting between Huni-senpai, Kyo-Sue, and Lena in the garden, but you can never be sure.

A angry looking girl walked up and I knew what was about to happen. A few months after I left Japan Kyoya and Souh Tamaki started a host club, which Mitsukuni and Takashi joined and this girl was jealous and about to chew my sweet Lenora ears out.

How does she know that this is what is going to happen? I assume it is, because Sues are never wrong, but how does she know? I can accept that Kyo-Sue was told about the Host Club forming, but I don’t know why she instantly comes to the conclusion that this girl must be jealous of Lena when there could be a perfectly logical and non-Host Club related reason that she’s angry. Lena might have stepped on her foot or said something rude in the bathroom, or almost anything could have happened.

“Say one word to her and you will find yourself in a law suit faster than you can say Host Club.” I told this girl in a cross me and you die tone of voice.

:headdesk:

You just overreact right out of the gate, didn’t even bother to let her say anything or find out the reason why the girl is there. Super classy of you, my dear. Threatening people with legal actions every time they come near you is a great way to make friends in a new school and a new country. Thank you for upholding America’s international reputation for being a country of litigious assholes.

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