1589: A New Metal Cyborg Trio! – Chapter Two, Part Two

Title: A New Metal Cyborg Trio!
Author: bopdog111
Media: Video Game
Topic: Metal Gear Rising: Revengeance
Genre: Adventure/Mystery
URL: Chapter Two
Critiqued by SC, Rogue and Saber

Saber: …Interesting title.

Please don’t set off the DRD on me for the third week in a row with that.

Saber: No worries. I have no intention of perpetuating a bad joke.

Thank yo-

Rogue: Wow! That sure is redundant!

*Alarms Blare*

Why?!

Saber: I said I wouldn’t perpetuate the joke. I made no such claims about Rogue.

~A THIRD ROUND OF KICKED DRD ASSES LATER~

*SC glowers at the giggling Rogue, muttering barely audible obscenities in his general direction*

Saber: Language.

Oh, shut it. I can swear if I want to.

But, I do need to start the riff.

Hello, and welcome back to A New Metal Cyborg Trio!, by bopdog111! I’m your host, SC, and last time, an unmanned RAY was horribly dissected by the least capable cyborgs in the industry, and thereby went down in history as the most disappointing Metal Gear ever. Then the Winds of Destruction showed a painful lack of aptitude for codenames, and the Idiot Brigade was deployed to Abkhazia-With-A-Robot-With-Us in Location. They did a mission (we’re… not sure what mission, but they did one), and then “a cyborg” who is definitely not Raiden started killing everybody, according to some rando operative who got diced up during a frantic radio call, and the Idiot Brigade decided to leave the president’s daughter behind with the robot dog buddy until Impractical Weapons “Expert?” and Mistral linked back up with them, while Captain Shithead ran off to confront Probably Not Raiden himself – because that ended so well when he tried that same stunt with Sundowner – and it was about there that I had to call it for the week.

With me this time are Lieutenant Roma “Saber” Sokolov, and Christopher “Rogue” Smith. I mentioned both at previous points in earlier installments of this riff, so a keen mind should recall that Saber is the takedown specialist of Cobalt’s team (and also Cobalt’s second-in-command), and Rogue is the assault specialist.

We’ll start with mister insanity himself: Rogue was originally just some cashier in Coffs Harbour, Australia. He had a mostly normal life. His brother was a pilot in the RAAF (Royal Australian Air Force) on the verge of retiring with honors, his mother and father were small time business owners, he had a steady relationship with a very pleasant young lady, and he and his small but close-knit group of friends enjoyed weekends together. Then, one day, to celebrate Rogue’s brother’s honorable discharge, the group took a vacation cruise… which got caught in a hurricane and shipwrecked, and as if that wasn’t bad enough, it happened to be on an island that played home base to a particularly nasty band of pirates who wasted no time taking everyone prisoner. Rogue and his brother were able to escape, but were unlucky enough to catch the eye of one of the pirates, who fatally shot Rogue’s brother through the throat. Rogue had to go into hiding in the wilderness, and in order to survive, he had to teach himself how to kill. This took a heavy enough toll on his mental state, and to make matters worse, when he was finally able to spring his friends lose and start gathering resources to get off the island, the plan came to the pirate’s attention, and they promptly slaughtered everybody. Rogue snapped harder than frayed rope pulled too taut, and began a nine-year-long killing spree against the pirates, as well as anybody else who he happened to come across on the island, because he simply didn’t care to tell the difference anymore.

Eventually, “salvation,” as it were, came in the form of a specialist hunter team (read: what basically amounts to Green Berets) deployed by Director Dole to the island, after his PMC intercepted desperate radio transmissions from the few surviving pirates about “that crazy fucking monster” that was dwindling their numbers. Well, that, and Dole had men stationed there in secret anyhow, in a relatively small outpost with few guards and fewer large caliber firearms, because the intention was for them to, you know, not be found in the first place, which meant that if someone as wild and unpredictable as Rogue happened to stumble across the area by accident, those poor sods would be well and truly fucked.

Long story short, Rogue tried to attack the specialists, failed hilariously, and was carted back to civilization and put through intense and thorough psychiatric treatments until he was brought back as close to sanity as the doctors felt they could manage. It was then that the decision was made to place him in Cobalt’s team – at best, Cobalt could make something useful out of the nutcase. At worst, well shit, at least he’d make an impression on Dole’s enemies before going out in a psychotic blaze of glory. As you can see, the former outcome was what ended up coming to pass.

Moving on, Saber, if the name didn’t give it away, was a Russian-born kid who was a transfer student to a high-end American university and decided he liked the place enough to become a citizen. Shortly thereafter, he wound up joining the military, and landed himself a spot in a commando unit alongside none other than Cobalt, himself, pre-mercenary hacker status. The two worked so well together that they ended up becoming fire-forged friends, and after they both left the military, Saber took it upon himself to track Cobalt’s team down and put in a request to join his ranks. Having firsthand knowledge of Saber’s skills in combat, and desperately in need of allies, Cobalt was quick to agree. (For reference: Cobalt’s team, by that point, consisted of a foul-tempered woman who despised anybody that she knew was alive and breathing the same air as her, a psychotic murdering machine who could snap at any moment, a vengeful ex-soldier who hated Cobalt for murdering his kid brother, a jaded medic who maintained a low opinion of people in general due to a few years too many working at a hospital, and a recently rehabilitated sniper who faked being happy-go-lucky to prevent herself from spiraling back into a pit of utter despair. He really needed some actual allies.)

Saber’s strong point is takedown maneuvers, both lethal and non-lethal. His preferred weapon of the trade, strangely, is a straight-bladed, single-edged saber, hence his callsign. It’s kind of a cyberpunk-ish design – like, imagine this:

But with a handguard that looks a bit like the trigger assembly for the pistol in the Halo franchise:

-And you’ll about have the design, give or take a few details.

There’s a reason for this peculiar weapon of choice: canonically, much like the Metal Gear universe in the later games, the world that Cobalt’s team exists in is at a point where cybernetics and nanomachines and such are rapidly becoming a thing in the industry of for-hire soldiers. At one point, prior to joining Cobalt’s team, Saber became the target of Solaris, a PMC who had managed to acquire the funding enough to develop their own unique cyborg technology, which made them an extremely dangerous group to piss off. The operative that Saber ended up squaring off with was armed with the very weapon Saber now uses. And he was a full cyborg, which should have meant that Saber was a dead man – but, luckily for him, a squad of operatives from the Aegis Vanguard, another PMC developing cyborg tech, was deployed on a mission to wipe out Solaris’ foothold in the area, and came quickly to his aid before his ass got permanently kicked. Saber claimed the sword as a well-earned trophy, and now, in spite of it being impractical for his job description, he’s actually managed to become quite proficient at using the thing. Granted, in order for him to have it on hand when he needs it, he has to have the element of surprise behind him so that he can draw the thing without anybody seeing him and therefore preventing him from doing so, but once he’s got it in his hands, you’re screwed.

There, did that about cover everything?

Saber: Everything that need be mentioned, I suppose.

Rogue: You forgot the part where I tore off one of those pirates’ faces and wore it like a mask for a Halloween prank.

And I’m going to continue not remembering it, thank you kindly.

Right, so on to the riff!

My helmet has been folded on my head.

Saber: Does he mean that it was retracted?

Yes, but he’ll never describe it correctly.

I used Ninja Run to reach the location where the signal have been cut off and saw a lot of bodies sliced right at one of this town’s roads.

The road was traumatized.

Saber: And then turned about as insane as Rogue?

Dear God, I hope not.

*Rogue chuckles unnervingly*

I looked around and saw nothing. I yelled out “Cyborg! I know your here! Come out!” I manage to avoid a slash from behind.

Rogue: Rook must be so disappointed.

Nah, that wasn’t Rook. She slashes too fast.

Saber: We do, in fact, have evidence on file to support that.

“You? A kid?” I looked in front of me and saw a Cyborg with grayish-blonde hair, grey cyborg armor, a grey cloth around his right eye, a metal right arm, metal legs, black parts, and a metal jack with a sku on his forehead.

“Black parts.”

Saber: Well, there’s certainly no need for racism, author.

Rogue: “SKU?” He means the barcode, doesn’t he? Or does he mean the actual number?

I think you and Taco are onto something with that.

Anyhow, fun fact about Raiden’s upgraded chassis: that cloth over his eye is actually laced with something like two hundred million tiny solid-state image sensor lenses that utilize a matrix sort of like a fly’s compound eye and compile several recordings into one singular image, amounting to somewhere around 200 megapixels, sent directly back through the optical nerve endings to Raiden’s brain to supplement his vision in that eye, thanks to Sam having gouged the actual article out in their previous match up. Apparently, the footage is so crisp and clear that Raiden says he doesn’t want Doktor to get him a proper cybernetic implant. He still ended up getting a cybernetic implant after all was said and done with Desperado and World Marshal, though. He probably hated doing it.

And you can almost feel Bifocals’ jealousy, right now.

Saber: I did notice it getting warmer behind me.

*All glance back to see Bifocals quietly stewing in her envy at the back of the riffing chamber*

Saber: …How long has she been there?

Oh, there’s always one or two of those idiots hanging out in the back like they think I won’t notice. She’s probably been there since we started.

Saber: And here I thought that Rogue was the only person who could make me feel uncomfortable.

I didn’t say anything as he pulls out a blue sword that is a High-Frequency Blade,

To wit: the sword, itself, is not blue. It’s just regular steel, perhaps strengthened to handle the severe level of use a weapon of its kind sees in the hands of a cyborg operative. The electrical currents it generates, however, do come out as blue in color. Similarly, Sam’s sword generates red electrical currents. The difference there is that Sam’s sword actually is red. It doesn’t help that the motion waves the swords give off in-game are the same color as their electrical currents, so I can understand the author getting tripped up on this one.

and holds them with two hands and ask “The hell are you?”

Rogue: “We’re your dick and balls, mate!”

*Saber draws his sword and points the tip of it at the nape of Rogue’s neck – just enough to send a chill down his spine*

Rogue: Alright alright alright! I won’t joke like that again! Damn!

Saber: Professionalism, Rogue. I know it’s a difficult word for you to grasp, but it would do you good to try.

“I am Bailey Barsett codename: Stormshadow. The leader of the Winds of Balance” I answered. “Stormshadow?” The cyborg ask confused. “I bring a shadow that unleashes the most deadliest storm no-one survives from. I even kill my victims at fast rate.” I answered.

Rogue: …Uh, pardon me, boys.

*Rogue gets up, walks out into the hall, laughs hysterically at the top of his lungs, then walks back in and sits down*

Rogue: Right, we’re good now.

Saber: Feel better?

Rogue: No, but I couldn’t really hold it in after reading that mess.

I don’t blame you even slightly.

“You don’t say. Okay then tell me this: Why are you where?” The cyborg ask.

Who?

Rogue: What?

Saber: I’m not joining this asinine joke.

Stop killing the fun!

I threw one of my daggers as he use his foot to catch it. “I am here to kill you.” I said.

And what a good job you’re doing of accomplishing that goal.

Rogue: See, this is why I prefer to just start killing shit. Ask any of those pirates, they’ll tell you I never said a damn word to them. Oh, wait, you can’t, I killed them all and made sock puppets out of their intestines. It was good times.

Okay, you could have said nothing at all, and the riff would not have suffered from your lack of input.

Saber: If Rogue was a Wind of Destruction, would his callsign be Cyclone?

Wow, Saber just did that off the top of his head. You, sir, have permission to do all the callsigns.

Saber: Um… thank you? I suppose?

He grabbed the dagger and said “That’s it? By yourself?”
“I may be reckless but i never lost a one on one battle.

…Against Monsoon. Who was training you, and so went easy on you anyhow.

Not a good example, buddy.

Rogue: They did also fight that Metal Gear.

The World’s Most Defective RAY, yes, I remember.

And my team-mates will come soon for help if you kept me entertained.” I said as he throws the dagger away. “Team-mates. As in the Winds of Balance?” He ask.

I’m amazed Raiden is keeping a straight face right now. I really am. Even with emotional inhibitors, my cyborg ass would be in hysterics listening to this idiot.

“Indeed. Prepare yourself!” I said as we got into stances and he got a visor on him that is black.

Rogue: Do we really need that clarified? I feel like if his entire body is one color, it’s easy to assume his mask will be the same way.

Yeah, but the author doesn’t know that.

Rogue: Well, then he’s an idiot!

You’re not telling me anything I don’t know, pal.

(Raiden boss theme: Save Yourself)
(Objective: Defeat the Mysterious cyborg.)

“Raiden.” “Mysterious Cyborg.” Nice job on that backpedaling, m8.

Also, “Save Yourself” is not a song that exists in Revengeance’s soundtrack. In fact, you’re not likely to find Raiden’s theme anywhere. This is because Raiden is never encountered as a boss fight at any point in the game – not even Bladewolf’s DLC, which takes place shortly before Raiden derails Desperado’s Abkhazia mission. Ergo, Raiden doesn’t really have a theme of his own, though the fandom likes to presume that it’s Rules of Nature, which is kind of the default boss theme if you’re not fighting the Winds of Destruction, Armstrong, Metal Gear EXCELSUS (Oh, did I not mention that there’s a legit Metal Gear alongside all the wimpy little RAYs in Revengeance? Shit, my bad, y’all), or Bladewolf.

But, what the hell, let’s humor this author. They don’t seem interested in naming the band who they’re referencing, so I’ll just pick one “Save Yourself” from the lineup and run with it.

*le Youtube search*

…Okay, I got umpteen bazillion results of a band called Stabbing Westward, and after listening to the song in question, I kind of feel like that’s where the author was going.

Here’s the thing:

It’s such a fucking edgelord song that I don’t want to subject people to it. I mean, I still listen to some of the edgy stuff I was into when I was thirteen, but it’s because it still has a tune I enjoy. Save Yourself doesn’t even have THAT going for it.

So, instead, I’m just gonna toss down some music from my own playlist. It’s significantly less awesome than Revengeance’s, but it’s what I’ve got, so y’all get to listen to some Indestructible, because that’s about as close as I can get.

Now, onto the fight! (Why do I pretend to be excited?)

This mysterious cyborg’s health bar appears at the screen showing it’s 100.0% with three ‘?’ At the top. The cyborg charged and slashed but i blocked it and slashed back that got him. I slashed again while spinning and unleashing my dagger. But he avoided and jumped back as he yells “Come on!” He slashed at a fast speed but I avoided. I slashed back that get him a little.

Saber? Your evaluation?

Saber: What the fuck is this bullshit.

Thank you for your professional insight, Saber.

His health bar is at 97.1% as i avoided his thrust. Thanks to Monsoon’s training it made me count his motives.

Well, let’s see, he’s trying to stop Desperado from being dicks, he’s got a bit of a grudge for having to be upgraded in the first place, and you’re acting like hot shit, which I imagine is fueling his desire to wreck you but good. That’s three, anybody want to keep a running tally from here?

Rogue: Sure, I’ve got nothing better to do.

Thanks bro.

“This isn’t your best!” The cyborg yelled as i made a thrust that got him a little. I slashed upward twice in the air as he screamed as i slashed him. in the air.

Yes, thank you author, we know you’re airborne, no need to keep telling us.

Saber: You’re able to decipher this?

No, I just latch onto certain words so that I can make a quick joke and move on before I get too confused.

I went to ‘Blade Mode’ and slashed him 7 times but i was shocked it didn’t made any effect more like lower his health a little bit. This cyborg son of a…

I’ve noticed that Sues tend to get real pissy when their powers of “The Universe Revolves Around Me” wind up negated by a canon character’s superior skill.

Also, you slashed Raiden seven times? That’s all? Dude, I’ve seen competent players get up to a few hundred slashes in blade mode if they mash buttons fast enough. You’re weak as shit.

Rogue: We can’t all be a living buzzsaw, I suppose.

THEN YOU’RE NOT FUCKING TRYING HARD ENOUGH!

“Focus!” The mysterious Cyborg yelled as he use his foot to slash me But i blocked it.
His health bar is at 89.5%. I manage to clang blades from him as we struggled for a bit

Saber: Oh, good grief, is this going to play out like one of those fake sword fights from the movies that choose looking cool over making sense?

Most combat engagements in Revengeance tend to go that route, yeah.

Saber: I am thoroughly disgusted.

and the Mysterious cyborg kicked me away and yelled “That isn’t bad. But still not good enough!” I got back on my feet and went and strike him as he strike me back. I yelled out as i got pushed back and landed on my feet i hear a constant beeping and looked over and saw my health is at 24.8%. I used Repair Nanomachines that raised it to 100.0%.

You talk all kinds of hot shit, and this is all you have to show for it? Now I’m REALLY shocked Raiden kept a straight face talking to you.

Rogue: Repair nanomachines sounds like some kind of medical hocus-pocus shit Doc would use.

Well, in-game, you gain back health by way of ripping out the cybernetic spines of your opponents (I’m not joking), but that primarily applies to Sam, Raiden and Bladewolf. And considering how nanomachines kind of get tossed around willy-nilly in the Metal Gear universe, it’s probably not out of the realm of reason to assume that cyborg operatives might have an onboard nanomachine repair protocol for chassis damage.

Rogue: Tear spines out to heal? Sounds like my kind of party!

Why did I have to bring that up…

His health bar is at 81.7%. “Come on!” The cyborg yelled as i did a Ninja run Slide. I kicked him twice as he yelled out and got pushed back.

Why would you kick Raiden in his cyber-junk? Not cool, bro.

He charged to make a strike as track his motives.

Well, now he probably wants you super dead for kicking him in his crotch.

Rogue: We’re up to four motives!

Saber: …Admittedly, I would probably be rather heated from such a devastating attack on my manhood, as well.

I blocked his next attack and struggled until I kicked his side, and headbutted his head while i thurst in his stomach getting much of his health gone.

Oh man, he’s devolved to street brawling, guys.

Saber: As if Raiden wasn’t already going to win this fight.

But it didn’t do anything! He must have pain inhibitors.

Um.

Duh?

They are inhibitors that doesn’t get you too feel pain.

Thanks for that, Captain Obvious.

*Alarms Blare*

NOW LOOK WHAT YOU FUCKING DID!

Saber: Look, Rogue, people to kill.

Rogue: I heard everything I needed to!

*Rogue grabs his assault rifle, goes out into the hall, and the rest can’t be described on account of how gruesome it is*

Rogue: Lucy, I’m home!

Saber: Well done, Rogue, now sit down and never do that again.

His health bar is at 57.4%. His eye glowed red as he said “Nice attack there.”

Oooh now you’ve done it. I think. Honestly, Raiden’s eyes flash red for any excuse.

I pulled my blade out and readied myself. I slashed him like twice. He blocked the next attack. He made some slashes that i blocked and sometimes got. He is lucky i have pain inhibitors. I avoided his next attack and slashed in ‘Blade Mode’ and kicked him after that. Me and him clang blades again as we struggled and he kicked me away and yelled “That isn’t bad. But not good enough!”
His health bar is at 35.9%. We slashed and blocked our attacks sometimes. He charged to attack i blocked as I kicked his side, headbutted him, and thrust his stomach. His eye glowed red again and he said as I pulled my blade out “Nice attack there.”

Ugh.

Author.

You are writing a STORY. Stories are about people and places, not characters and boss fights.

Stop treating your fic like a damn video game. I don’t care that it’s about a video game. Unless you’re trying to do some meta bullshit, cut the crap.

I did my spinning move while unleashing my dagger. He yelled out as he got pushed back. I slashed him to the air and slashed at him again. After he got up he kicked me away.
His health bar is at 4.7%. He jumped up to a broken building and slashed twice in the air as he kicked the sliced buildings to me and i jumped over there while some of the building parts got my face break some parts of my helmet revealing my mouth. I reached him and proceeded to slice him in half but he blocked and headbutted me. I stand clear turned and tried to slash him again but he blocked it with his blade again. I manage to break the hold as i sliced his chest and slashed downward as he groans and fell to the floor.
(Theme ends)
My statuses appear beside me as i put my blade up.
‘Combat Results’
‘Time: 00:03:46.32’
‘BP: -‘
‘Zandatsu: -‘
‘Longest combo: -‘
‘Kills: 0’
‘Combat Rank: B+’

None of this really happened, naturally. What really happened was: Raiden diced up Captain Shitlord the second the fight started, because Raiden is a superior cyborg operative who’s had much longer to get used to how his body works, and is also a trained swordsman, unlike the pretender known as Captain Bailey, who just flailed about stupidly and did exactly zero good. His failure was recorded in his combat reports, sent for review to Desperado and World Marshal, who promptly disbanded the Winds of Balance and deactivated their surviving members, realizing that they acted in haste and therefore utterly wasted their resources.

Saber: I like that version better.

Rogue: You should write this fic.

Nah. Then I’d be obligated to make the story and characters, you know, GOOD. And I hate these morons, so I really don’t want to.

I went to leave until i heard him getting up. “You are strong indeed.” The cyborg said.

No he’s not, you went so easy on him it’s pathetic. I’ve seen how crazy you get, Raiden.

“Who are you cyborg?” I ask him while glaring at him. “Some call me Snake, White Devil, Jack, even Jack the Ripper, but call me Raiden.” He said.

Yeesh. Let it be known that Raiden would never introduce himself like that.

Let it also be known, however, that all those names are canon identities of his: Jack was the name he was given when he was little. It became Jack the Ripper when he first went batshit insane and started killing the fuck out of anything that moved, and White Devil was an alternate nickname because Raiden was a white kid, on top of being a psychotic murder machine. Recall that Jack was born in Liberia, which is in Africa, and it makes more sense. Snake was a briefly held codename of his during the Big Shell mission. His codename quickly changed to Raiden on account of the fact that the leader of the terrorists in the Big Shell mission was also calling himself Snake. It wasn’t part of the decision, but the real Solid Snake was also involved in that mission, so having three Snakes would have been really confusing (but, then again, the Les Enfants Terribles project is also a thing, so I suppose that’s a bit of a moot point). Raiden’s name has remained as is since then, though N’mani did refer to him as Mr. Lightning Bolt prior to his untimely demise by Desperado’s hands.

Saber: The man has more codenames than Rook has criminal charges, I swear.

[That’s impossible. I crime too hard. -Rook]

“Okay ‘Raiden’ why are you here?” I ask him. “Orders.” Raiden replied. Orders damn!

Rogue: Fuck, he pulled out his trump card! How are we supposed to respond to “orders?!”

Saber: All is lost, abort mission.

I received a call as i opened it and ask “Yeah?” “Stormshadow your helmet it’s broken. Are you fine?” Wolf ask through a hologram image. “Yes Wolf i am. Is Mistral, and Firestorm with you?” I ask him.
“Negative.” He answered. Damn it! “I’ll be there shortly. Our little cyborg has escaped from me.” I said earning a surprise look from Raiden. “Understood me, and Windblade will stop him.” Wolf said as he hang up.

You have no idea how “fun” formatting dialogue between Bladewolf and other characters is proving to be by this author’s method.

Rogue: You use a shitload of bold tags anyhow, what’s the problem?

The difference is, I use them in a relatively inoffensive manner where you know when they’ll pop up and the process of formatting them therefore isn’t aggravating as all shit.

“Your letting me go?” Raiden ask. “I merely said that because i loved playing tricks on people since I wasn’t able to kill you yet.

Uh, what?

Saber: “Letting you go,” “love playing tricks on people.” Exactly how do these two things correlate to each other?

They… don’t?

Rogue: Unless he’s just letting Raiden go so he can spring some kind of trap on him later… which, well, you kind of blew it, you just told him that you like to fuck with people so he’ll be wary about it.

Not like Raiden would ever get duped by one of this idiot’s “traps” in the first place, mind, but still.

Now then…” I begin as i went out of battle mode and my helmet was folded back earning a shocked look from Raiden seeing my face.
“…I’m gonna tie you up and-“

-Immediately regret your life choices when Raiden effortlessly breaks out of it and rips your sorry ass apart?

I mean, shit, the last time Raiden got tied up, it was by a pair of Gekkos, shortly before his match-up against Vamp, and he got out of that through a well-timed sniper bullet via Snake and the power of breakdancing.

By the way, in case you didn’t know, Snake is actually ass-old by MGS4, and simply looks young and spry thanks to some fancy-dancy camo he snagged off of Laughing Octopus. Also, Raiden’s first generation cyborg chassis is my absolute favorite of his three looks, and Raiden vs. Vamp is the wackiest bullshit ever.

Saber: Their fight was how I presume Rogue would behave if he had access to cybernetics and was more a fan of katanas and throwing knives over machetes and kukris.

Rogue: Abso-fuckin’-lutely, I would!

Be glad that he doesn’t, and isn’t. Guy’s nuts enough as it is.

“Look out!” Raiden yelled as a rock fell on my head knocking me out.

Did I just witness someone actually fall victim to Rocks Fall, Everyone Dies?

Rogue: And you said that would never be a legitimate strategy.

Saber: Not the way you propose it.

I woked up sometime later as Raiden was above me. I yelled as i scampered to my feet “Wh-What the hell are you doing here!?” “Hey you should watch that mouth of your kid!” He scolded. “I grown up in the army and they don’t mind.” I said. “Well i do.

Uh, Raiden, you also grew up in the army. Several armies, even. And you’re not exactly restrained with your own mouth, I might add. I’m not sure why it even matters to you.

Rogue: Although Cook gets after Bear every now and again when she comes off the handle too much.

Saber: Not that it ever does him much good, she just swears with even more ferocity in response.

Hey, the point is that he tries. That has to count for something.

Rogue: A swift knee in the groin requiring a physical from Doc to make sure that nothing’s been seriously damaged?

Well, I did say “something…”

Now are you alright?” Raiden ask carefully.
“Yes i-i am infact. I received a bit of my memory. I have… two sisters.” I said slowly.

*Bailey* “Also, I feel like I was supposed to be doing the dishes right about now…?”

“Listen i met you a couple of weeks ago during the Prime Minister N’mami’s murder.

Prime Minister N’Mami, ladies and gentlemen.

You don’t remember anything at all?” Raiden ask. “I don’t know you at all Jack the Ripper!” I yelled at him.

Rogue: No, I don’t know you, Bill Ramirez from Accounting who lives over on Fifth Street and drives a convertible!

Jesus, do you actually know a guy named Bill Ramirez?

Saber: Yes, he was a target Dole ordered our team to eliminate because he moonlighted as a cleaner for a local branch of a rather notorious crime family.

What.

Rogue: Also, I say he’s from Accounting, because he works for Accounting for Guardian PMC. So, you know, he’s kind of exclusively Dole’s bitch, and Dole doesn’t like sharing.

Okay, moving right along…

“No one calls me that anymore. It was three weeks ago.” Raiden said.

Nobody calls him by his lifelong moniker anymore? Yeah, right, sure. And I’m Javert.

Saber: By contrast, everybody calls us by our codenames. Much to the point that I’ve failed to respond to my real name on numerous occasions.

Rogue: It’s probably good that I don’t remember my real name, if we’re honest.

Saber: Quite.

“Three weeks was when i got into an accident with my team-mates. It caused me to lose all of my memories.” I said earning a shocked look.

Saber: That accident being, “some strange malarkey took us out of our American household and dropped us squarely in the middle of Mercenary War Town, Somewhere-In-Africa.”

Well, when you put it that way, it just sounds stupid.

“You… lost your memories? You are in this shenanigan to recover them?” Raiden ask.

Rogue: Well, also to be mocked relentlessly, just to clarify.

Oh yeah, no, I’m gonna rip this kid a new asshole for days, Raiden, it’s gonna be glorious.

Saber: And to think, your only remaining options for the rest of this riff are my old squadmate who has the antithesis of a sense of humor, and perhaps the single most vicious woman to ever kill a man with her own two hands.

Yeeeaaah, that kind of complicates things a bit, huh…

“Guess so.” I said. “You manage to recover some. Maybe if you let me help we will find your memories together.” Raiden said with a smile.

Nevermind the fact that he just tried to kill you and then some inexplicable magical boulder bust his skull like a coconut, nooo, let’s pitch in one hundred percent for this kid!

Although, in fairness, Wolf also tried to kill him, and Raiden had Doktor rebuild him to serve a better cause after swiftly debowling the poor fucker. Raiden has some weird priorities.

I thought about it and ask carefully “You’ll not try to stab me at the back?” “I don’t do that kind of stuff to anyone.” He replied

Nah, Raiden is better than that. He’ll stab you IN the back, then rip your spine out and eat it!

Rogue: A plan I can get behind.

Saber: You will absolutely not.

“…Very well. I’ll tell my men when we reach them.” I said as he nodded. I unlocked the door we were near

Translation, he sliced the doorknob off.

Saber: Well, it’s certainly more polite than breaching charges, I’ll admit that much.

Rogue: I dunno, I think it’s more of a dick move, personally. I’d much rather have to just buy a new door wholesale and not have to explain myself, rather than try and convince the floor associate at the hardware store that a cyborg operative broke my doorknob because he couldn’t be bothered to just knock.

I’m inclined to agree with Rogue on this one.

and we walked up the stairs and down the hall when we heard Wolf’s voice “Greetings Cyborg.” Raiden placed himself on the wall and said “Show yourself.”

For some reason, I just imagine Raiden backflipping onto a coathook and hanging there with his sword drawn all threateningly.

Saber: The man has a… unique way of doing things.

I was about to tell Wolf to stop until his saw emerge a inch away from my face as it went to slice Raiden’s head off but he avoided as he hit some of Raiden’s metal jaw as it turns red in heat. Wolf sliced the floor and the wall as the hall collasped as we yelled.
We slide down the hall and Raiden sliced the cargos in half. He slashed another as it revealed Wolf, with Madison with her visor on ready to strike. Raiden blocked Wolf’s attack and avoided Madison as he kicks the two away as we both got up.

…Anybody else know what the fuck just happened?

Rogue: The author went on an acid trip and tried to write at the same time?

Sure, we’ll go with that.

“And you two are?” He ask. “I am IF Prototype LQ-84I.” Wolf said.

But we know him better as Bladewolf.

“And i am Madison Obama, codename: Windblade, one of the Winds of Balance.” Madison said.

Ugh. The author is actually being serious about this, aren’t they. Jesus Christ.

Putting aside the name that I refuse to accept as anything other than pure trolling, Madison and Bailey get my vote for most likely to die first due to incompetence, on account of the fact that they’ve both rendered the whole, “having codenames” thing moot.

“IF Prototype? Windblade?” Raiden ask in confusion. “Interface prototype. All autonomous UGs feature high-level onboard artificial intelligence. An additional prototype interface enables verbal communication. I possess an intellect far beyond human reckoning.” Wolf explained. “And i bring that Winds of Blades a storm that no-one escaped alive from. I am also known as the third strongest member of the Winds of Balance.” Madison explained.

I am impressed by none of this. In point of fact, I’m barely keeping myself from laughing at it.

Rogue: These characters reek of tryhard.

Saber: For once, there’s not really much of a polite way of rephrasing that.

Why are you trying to be polite in the first place? This is an SC riff, we don’t do polite here.

Saber: Coincidentally, that’s exactly why I was trying to be polite.

“You two don’t say. Okay then: What’s the meaning of life? Why are we here?” Raiden ask. Wolf throw three of his heated knifes at him as Raiden’s use his foot to blocked them and caught them.

Wolf does not appreciate your intentional attempts to troll him.

Rogue: That just gives us permission to troll him harder!

“We are here to kill you.” Wolf answered. Raiden got a hold of the knife and said as he threw it away “That’s it? Pretty simple thinking for such a mighty intellect.”

It’s like he heard you.

Rogue: Have I mentioned yet that I like this Raiden character?

Saber: A couple times, typically regarding some unnerving piece of information.

Wolf use his chainsaw to saw the ground as he said “I may analyze orders but i may not disobey them. Should i disobey a direct order my memory would be wiped.”

Nevermind that you actively attempted to rebel against Mistral in-canon, even knowing the risks. (Mind you, it didn’t exactly end well for him, but the point is, he tried.)

“And this is a direct order: Stand down you two.” I said as they turned to be. “What? But Shadowstorm…” “Don’t disobey me. You know i am your boss and if you disobey me i will tell Sundowner to wipe your memory clean. Is that clear?” I ask him. “…Understood.” Wolf said slowly as he sat down.

You know, if I were in Wolf’s spot, I’d defy that order on purpose. A memory wipe is preferable to taking orders from this loser. And besides that, in-canon, they actually had Wolf chained down via an invisible shock collar protocol that would taze the ever-loving shit out of him if he crossed some sort of boundary that he wasn’t supposed to. I honestly don’t know where the author is getting this mind wipe nonsense from in the first place.

“Stormshadow why you bring him here? I honestly thought this is one of your tricks and if it is it’s totally not funny at all.” Madison said. “It’s not a trick Windblade, nor a serious matter. Raiden has agreed to help us.” I told them.

It’s not a trick, or serious? Wut?

Saber: So… then… what, exactly, is it?

Rogue: It’s a half-hearted shrug of a matter.

Oh, it’s a “meh,” got it.

“With what?” Madison ask. “Recover our, and Firestorm’s memories.” I said. Madison looked shocked before she said “You know. I thought you were a big brother to me. But your just a traitor!” I was shocked

Saber: That’s honestly the first natural reaction in this entire fic so far, and it’s still wildly unreasonable.

“Wolf do something!” “I’m sorry but i’m agreeing with her.” He said. I said with anger in my voice “I’ll wipe your memory if you don’t do something.” “I am sure the others will understand.” Wolf said.
“Fine. It your gonna act like that i’m gonna call Sundowner and tell him to wipe your memory card clean.” I said as i pulled out a screen.

If your only retaliatory response to disobeying orders is a feeble “I’ll tell my dad on you and you’re gonna be sorry!”, then it really shouldn’t come as much of a surprise when this shit happens:

Before i can type his number Madison threw a dagger at it destroying it. I said “Windblade! How dare you do that to your leader!?” “You are not my leader anymore.” Madison said. “We must destroy you two.” Wolf said.

Rogue: …Course, I would do that regardless of the threat.

Saber: Yes, but we’ve established that you don’t usually use your intellect very frequently – well, not your sane intellect.

“What good is an intellect it you can’t use it?” Raiden tainted Wolf.

Oh for fuck’s sake, Raiden! Now Wolf REALLY needs a mind wipe!

“Your taunting Is pointless. Exterminate!” Wolf yelled. “Exterminate!” Madison yelled as they both jumped and landed on a roof as we went to battle mode and Wolf roared loud.

Be sure to review!

I already did leave a review, and I’m 100% certain that when the author reads it and finds me bitching them out for treating this fic like a video game instead of a story, I’ma either be blocked or get a whiny response calling me a meany-head.

Rogue: What if they find the riff?

Well, then everybody else will get to see me be called a meany-head. It’ll be good times.

On that note, this part of the riff is (finally) done! Sorry it took so long, between work and a weird non-desire to write anything, I kinda wound up losing steam a bit.

Thanks for reading, folks, and stay tuned for next time! We don’t have very much more to go before I can get back to LAFS, and hopefully I’ll have pulled myself out of this weird funk by then. In the meantime, I’m SC, and on behalf of Roma “Saber” Sokolov and Christopher “Rogue” Smith, I’ll see you next time!

…Am I the only one who thinks our commentary was awkward and kind of forced, this week?

Rogue: Yeah, Saber tends to do that when he’s in the room.

Saber: I suppose I should thank you for bringing this grievance to my attention, even though I have no intention of doing anything about it.

Rogue: Why not?

Saber: Because it came from you.

Rogue: Ah, good point.

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