1136: Shinobi & Wizards: Resolution – Chapters Ten, Eleven, and Twelve

Title: Shinobi & Wizards: Resolution
Author: DragonKnightRyu
Media: Anime / Manga / Book / Movie
Topic: Naruto / Harry Potter
Genre: Fantasy / Adventure / Cross-Over
URL: Chapter Nine
Critiqued by Lyle and the shinobi intern Koori

Koori: Uh, Miss Lyle… I cannot fail to notice that there are three chapters listed for today.

Prepare the extra large tea pot, Trusty Intern.  We’re finishing this bitch today.

Koori: *pales*  Yes, ma’am!  *runs out to get the BIG tea pot*

While she’s fetching that, I’ll recap the last chapter.  Basically, all that happened is Naruto had a chat with the demon locked inside him where he’s offered to share the fox’s powers if he allows the fox to share in Naruto’s senses, and then Ryu broke the laws of physics with only mild injuries to show for it while our author proved he can’t Google worth a shit.

Koori: This thing is heavy. *drags a tea pot almost as tall as she is into the room*  We’ll be peeing all night if we drink all this.

Challenge accepted!

Chapter 9: Earth Shattering Revalations

Rev-E-lations, you moron.

We start this chapter in Naruto’s mindscape, visiting the physical manifestation of the cage the Nine-Tails is kept inside.  It’s pretty canon, actually, so I’m not going to snark at it.  Naruto hails the fox and Kurama wants to know what he wants.  Naruto tells him he’s accepting the deal but wants to know why the Nine-Tails attacked Konoha thirteen years ago.

Koori: An understandable request, I have to admit.  *leans on the giant teapot*  How am I supposed to pour the tea out of this?

You’re the ninja.  You figure it out.

Koori: *frowns and nibbles on her thumbnail before popping the lid off and scooping out the tea with the mugs*  Problem solved!  *hands a mug to Lyle*

*sips* … Oolong?  I hate oolong.

Koori: It was the only thing we had enough of to fill this tea pot.

Probably because I never drink it but was stupid enough to buy a Costco-sized supply.  *sighs*  Oh well, we’ll just make do.

The Kyuubi looked down at Naruto with interest as if seeing him for the first time “I have to admit brat, you just surprised me,” Kyuubi said grinning widely “I thought it would have taken you longer to ask… The reason why I attacked Konoha wasn’t by choice, hell at the time I was sealed away in the body of my previous container who was giving birth, not that I wasn’t trying to get free, but that accursed Yondaime made damn sure to keep me sealed while his wife gave birth.”

*presses lips thin*  Wait.  Is this going where I think it’s going?

Koori: *narrows her eyes at the fic*

“Wait…” Naruto said suddenly holding up his hands looking shocked “The Yondaime had a wife, a kid!

I’m not sure what he’s doing with his hands, but his reaction is appropriate, if not his punctuation.

Kyuubi chuckled “He did and still does,” It commented looking amused at something Naruto couldn’t figure out “I wouldn’t have gotten free that day, but then someone interfered, a man that went by the name of Madara Uchiha, he forced the Yondaime to stop his efforts from keeping me sealed by holding the Yondaime’s child hostage and then used his evolved Sharingan to force me to submit to his will, he then proceeded to Konoha and ordered me to attack, the rest you know.

Koori:  *coughs into her hand*

Yes, Koori?

Koori: This isn’t correct.

Do you need the chalk board?

Koori: No, I think I can list without this time.  *holds up a finger*  It was not Madara Uchiha that took control of Kurama, it was Obito Uchiha.  Madara trained him and Obito would often go by the name of either Tobi or Madara, but it was not the actual Madara that unleashed the Kyuubi onto Konoha.  *holds up a second finger*  It was actually the third hokage, and his wife, that kept Kushina from losing her grip on the Nine-Tails during her birth.  Minato was not there.  It was only after Obito killed Kushina’s guards and abducted her that Minato raced to save her and his son.  *holds up a third finger*  After Minato saved his son, Obito took Kushina and extracted the Kyuubi from her.

Nice.  So Naruto wants to know what happened to the wife and kid of the 4th Hokage.  The fox tells him that the wife died and the kid was still alive, going by his mother’s maiden name, because this is something the fucking Kyuubi would know somehow.

Naruto frowned at the giant fox for a minute as he mulled over the information “Huh, so the Yondaime’s legacy continues on huh?” He asked slightly bitter “Who was your container at the time?”

Kyuubi looked down at Naruto musingly as if wondering if it should tell him “Kushina,” He stated finally “Kushina Uzumaki.

Koori: *twitch*

The response was immediate as Naruto immediately scowled at the fox “You’re lying.” He retorted angrily at the impassive fox “I looked up the name Uzumaki in all of Konoha’s archives, I’m the only Uzumaki in Konoha!”

Kyuubi snorted “What would I gain from lying boy?” It asked skeptically “I swear on my tails what I am telling you is the truth.”

“Why wasn’t I told then?” Naruto ranted “I have a right to know who my dammed parents are!”

Koori: *twitch*

*sips her tea, pulls a face, and waits for it*

The Kyuubi shrugged “How should I know that,” It countered “The Yondaime was strong however, I will give him that, and it’s natural for the weaker to try and defeat the stronger, or barring that, try to harm him through… other means.”

Naruto glared up at the Kyuubi “So what your saying is that they were trying to keep my heritage hidden… to protect me from the Yon… my dad’s enemies?” He asked hesitantly.

Koori: Are you kidding me?!

And here we go!

Koori:  This is ridiculous!  Naruto doesn’t find out that his father was the 4th Hokage until he’s 16!  And DKR decides to tell him now?  WHY?!

“That’s exactly what he’s saying,” A soft voice declared causing both the Kyuubi’s and Naruto’s eyes to widen as they turned to face a beautiful woman with red hair that fell to her calves with purple eyes “Hello… sochi.”

Koori:

flipping-lvl-anime_o_242941

*grabs a bag of toffee peanuts from her desk to munch on, sits back, and watches*

Koori: This happens even later than when he meets his father!  She appears to him when he’s about to lose control of his Kyuubi powers and tells him the story of his birth!  He doesn’t learn all this until he’s 16 years old!  13-year-old Naruto is not mature enough to handle this sort of information!  This is ludicrous!  What the fucking fuckity fuck is this author doing?!

I’d like to interject just momentarily and clarify that Naruto does not truly meet his parents, as they are both dead, but there’s some supernatural happenings going on that allows him to communicate with the memory of his parents.

Koori: Kind of like when Father met Grandad when he d-

*clamps a hand over Koori’s mouth*  Not too many spoilers, dearie.

Koori: Mrrrfle.

Let’s plough on, shall we?  *removes her hand from Koori’s mouth and offers her some of the toffee peanuts*

Koori: *crunch-crunch* Mmm!

So we get an explanation of how Kushina’s soul is bound to Naruto in order for her to act as a mediator between Naruto and Kurama’s chakra-

Koori: Wut.

Uhm… this?

“Yes sochi,” She agreed “I am your mother, your father, Minato, in a last minute decision decided to seal my soul with you along with the Kyuubi – his name is Kurama by the way – to act as a buffer for some of the negative influences his chakra would have on you should you use it.”

Koori:

index*crunch-crunch* Do go on.

Koori: Kushina sacrificed herself when Kurama tried to kill Naruto.  Right before they died, Minato sealed his remaining chakra, and Kushina’s remaining chakra, into Naruto.  He did nothing with their souls!  In fact, when Kushina finally does appear to Naruto when he’s, as I said, SIXTEEN she only has enough time to tell him the story of his birth before her soul fades away into the afterworld.  There is just so much wrong with this whole story, I can’t even.

*offers more peanuts*

Koori: *munch-crunch-crunch*

So Naruto finally hugs his mother once he’s reassured that it’s her and they sit down on a magically appearing couch (it actually says it appeared out of nowhere in the fic) and Naruto tells Kushina about his life.  It’s basically just a set up for Naruto to extol the virtues of the author Ryu and Fem!Harry.

After they have their little sit, Naruto and Kurama make their deal and Kurama floods Naruto’s chakra network with Kyuubi chakra.

Team 11’s Room

Ryu and Jade snapped awake as they felt the surge of chakra from Naruto and clambered over to him where his body was surrounded by red chakra “W-What’s happening to him?” Jade asked in concern as Hachi ran into the room.

Ryu frowned as he looked over tot he seal “The seal isn’t weakening at all,” He informed “I think this is a part of the deal the Kyuubi spoke of.”

Koori: *grumbles something about how a genin is not a master of seal work and should have no idea what he’s talking about*

“The seal isn’t weakening?” Hachi asked looking slightly nervous.

Koori: Oh, right.  The jonin can’t tell the seal isn’t weakening but the fucking genin can.  Suuuuuuuuuure.

giphy
Koori:
How much more of this chapter do we have to go?

We’re almost done.  Hang in there.  Then we’ve got two more after this.

Koori: Fuuuuuuuuuuuu

Anyway, so everyone wants to know what happened and Naruto explains everything.  Thankfully we’re spared a regurgitation of the exact scene with the cunning use of “he began explaining everything that happened.”

Koori: Something to be grateful for, at least.

We then find out that Hachi was part of the ANBU squad that was secretly tasked with protecting Naruto while he grew up.

Koori: WUT.

Oh boy.

Koori: This guy was in ANBU?  Hachi is about as useful as a moldy cactus.  He’s the worst jonin I’ve ever had the displeasure of meeting.  There’s no way he’d have been in ANBU.

Agreed.  So Naruto says how happy he is to know who his parents are and then we get this:

“C’mon, let’s get back to sleep,” Ryu said “Sensei will probably be extra hard tomorrow…”

ew-face
This is why it is extra important to reread your shit before you post it online.

Koori: Or you just have a dirty mind.

You were thinking it, too.

Jade and Naruto laughed “Yeah, your probably right.” Naruto agreed smiling as he climbed back under his covers while Jade and Ryu returned their bed.

You have good friends Sochi,” He heard his mother say as he started to drift off “Keep them close.”

END CHAPTER

And with no mention of Hachi leaving, they all go to bed and the chapter ends.

Koori:  *chugs her tea*  Two more chapters to go.  I can do this.

Chapter 11: AN

Koori: What kind of chapter title is that?

*grins*

Now some of you may have heard that Fanfiction is going to start cracking down on certain types of fics, namely those that have large amounts of lemons and excessive violence, which I think would end up removing anything rated M or higher, maybe even more, so I ask of you, in the words of the Immortal Kamina, Who in the f*ck do you think we are! Fight the power!

Sincerely

DragonKnightRyu AKA Thomas B. Johnston

Koori:  Wait, what?  I’m confused.

Chapter 11 is just an author’s note with DKR, or Thomas B Johnston, bitching about the fact that fanfiction.net has always had a policy banning explicit content stories.  Since he obviously didn’t read the agreement before clicking the “agree with terms” button, he feels he has the right to try to protest the enforcement of a term that has been in effect since the site first opened.

Koori:  Isn’t he violating another policy by posting a chapter that’s only an author’s note?

Sweet, sweet irony.

Koori:  Well, that wasn’t too bad then.  Only one more chapter to go!  I think we’re going to make it!  Let’s do this thing!

Chapter 12: Author’s note: Rewrite?

Koori: You sneaky little… you knew this was going to be another author’s note, didn’t you?

Yup.

I know you will all be angry at me for not actually posting a story, but, well, as you may have guess I have lost my muse for this, so, I would like to know, would you like me to make a rewrite of the story, with a slight change to the heroic trio lineup?

Koori: There’s nothing more after this?

Nope.

Koori: This is the last thing he wrote for this story?

Yup.  And he never did make that rewrite.  I guess no one wanted him to continue after all.

Koori:

59144796

Koori: Wait… if you knew that we really only had a single chapter to get through, why did you make me get the big tea pot?

Because it amuses me.  *sits back and sips her tea*

Koori: Bitch.

I enjoy having you around so much.  *grins*

See you all next week!

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17 Comments on “1136: Shinobi & Wizards: Resolution – Chapters Ten, Eleven, and Twelve”

  1. GhostCat says:

    So even hijacking bits of the plot from both source materials and thus already having an existing framework to hang his shoddy knockoff on, the author still couldn’t finish this thing?

  2. TacoMagic says:

    *sips* … Oolong? I hate oolong.

    HERESY! I always drink oolong! Always! Unless I’m drinking something else. Like coffee.

    *Sips his coffee*

    Yup… always drink coffee. Mmmmm. Roasty and bold…

    *Sips his coffee*

    What was I talking about again?

  3. TacoMagic says:

    Kyuubi chuckled “He did and still does,” It commented looking amused at something Naruto couldn’t figure out

    Because he’s stupid and unable to grasp the obvious, I guess.

    Or maybe’s reeling in disbelief at what the plot is serving up. That seems more likely.


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