923: Jasmine cumslut – Chapter One

Title: Jasmine cumslut
Author: EclipsePheniox
Media:  Movies/Video Game
Topic: Aladdin/Mass Effect
Genre: “Romance”
URL: Jasmine cumslut: Chapter 1
Critiqued by Herr Wozzeck, Crunchy, and Sura T’Lenya

WARNING: This fic contains extremely graphic references to sexual acts that may be considered deviant by some people: thus, this snarking is NSFW. The entire plot of the fic is also about human trafficking: because of the way the subject is treated in this fic, those who are sensitive to the subject may wish to (and probably should) skip this riff entirely.

Crunchy: *walks in* Monkey, I went to go steal some of your key lime pies from the stash, and I found they were all gone. I saw the darkwraiths run off with—

*looks at Crunchy halfway through his twelfth pie*

…

C: Oh, you were eating all of them. Am I mistaken, or do you monkeys usually worry about your digestive systems?

*swallows, takes another bite, then points at the desk*

C: *walks to the desk, reads the title* “Jasmine cumslut”?

*nods*

C: Well what kind of title is that? It seems… Unless… Hm. Well, I am glad I’m not one of you monkeys. I do not like getting offended an awful lot. It is rather bad for the temper, as you know.

*swallows*

And that, Crunchy, is why I’m glad that my childhood was more centered around Rodgers and Hammerstein and classic Disney than it was on the movies of the Disney Renaissance. At least then, the rape of my childhood isn’t as bad as it could have been. For all the other 90’s kids, though…

C: You monkeys are so defensive of your property.

Yeah, that about describes the author of this fic, too. And in case you’re wondering, Crunchy, yes: this was written by the same douchebag who “gifted” us with From Another World.

C: From Another World? You cannot mean…

Yes, ladies and gentlemen, this is another EP “masterpiece” we’ll be snarking today, and boy is it bad. Honestly, I think it’s bad enough that it’ll unseat Gabriel Hawke as the squickiest thing I’ve ever snarked with the Library, I really do.

So in that event, I’m not up for entering this fic alone. Crunchy, you want in?

C: I can prepare the darkwraiths if you need them, but you cannot convince me to stay here. Goeth has told me all sorts of things about From Another World, and if that is any indication I think my time would be better used elsewhere.

Okay, I’ll go ahead and let you leave. But just remember, if you don’t do it here, I will pull you in if I do Victor Tarsus’ Sonic fanfic that he—

C: On second thought, an EP fic does not sound so bad.

Smart raptor.

Anyway, guys, I don’t think just Crunchy alone is gonna do it, so I’m gonna take a page from SC’s book and bring in one of my OCs.

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