1825: The Marissa Games – Chapter Eleven

Title: The Marissa Games
Author:  Marissa the Writer
Media: Books/Movies/Video Games
Topic: The Hunger Games / Portal / MIB II / Team Fortress / Thomas the Trai- [Fuck it, I’m not adding any more to this list!  – Lyle]  The Kitchen Sink
Genre: Not Listed
URL:  Chapter Eleven
Critiqued by agigabyte and Ghostcat

Not a Verb Counter: 768

Scatology Counter: 103

*Cain and Goddess are bickering about something or other, waiting for Ghostie and Syl to arrive*

Cain: Again, this simply won’t work. We don’t have the numbers to tide Vagueness’s apparently infinite-

Goddess: Not just yours, perhaps, but-

Cain: Wait a moment. Monitor, attain my permission before beginning the recording, in the future.

Goddess: Also, that was a dick move.

(Very well. -Monitor)

Cain: Now, anyway, if I’m right, Syl and Ghostie will arrive, bursting through the door… now.

:Everyone stares at the door in anticipation:

Cain: … Any moment now.

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1767: The Marissa Games – Chapter Nine

Title: The Marissa Games
Author:  Marissa the Writer
Media: Books/Movies/Video Games
Topic: The Hunger Games / Portal / MIB II / Team Fortress / Thomas the Trai- [Fuck it, I’m not adding any more to this list!  – Lyle]  The Kitchen Sink
Genre: Not Listed
URL:  Chapter Nine
Critiqued by agigabyte and Ghostcat

Not a Verb Counter: 686

Scatology Counter: 101

Cain: Welcome back, everyone. I’m here with Syl, Ghostie, and Datapad-Goddess for another chapter of The Marissa Games. Say hello.

Syl: Hello! :blows kisses:

Ghostie: Do I really have to be here?

Goddess: You seem kind of annoyed, Cain. And yes, Ghostie. Sorry about that.

Syl: Have you met him? Kitten’s middle name is “Annoyed”. Or possibly Tiberius, I forget which.

Goddess: I prefer other middle names for him.

Syl: McLovin? That’s always a good choice. Very hipster.

Cain: This is the part where we begin the riff.

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1761: The Marissa Games – Chapter Eight

Title: The Marissa Games
Author:  Marissa the Writer
Media: Books/Movies/Video Games
Topic: The Hunger Games / Portal / MIB II / Team Fortress / Thomas the Trai- [Fuck it, I’m not adding any more to this list!  – Lyle]  The Kitchen Sink
Genre: Not Listed
URL:  Chapter Eight
Critiqued by agigabyte and Ghostcat

Not a Verb Counter: 625

Cain: I’d been hoping not to ever have to do one of these again–both because I hate this fic and because Syl is aboard one of my ships–but the Library did make us sign a contract.

Syl: :blows kisses: Bite me, kitten.

Agent [GREY]: Here you go, Ghostie. *Hands Ghostie a spray bottle*

Ghostie: Don’t worry, I came prepared today. :holds up Super Soaker 9000: Top me up?

Agent [GREY]: Of course. *Conjures Cardamom tea into the Super Soaker*

Syl: Bugger.

Cain: Glynda was going to join, but I vetoed that. I’m pretty sure the fic would’ve given her an aneurism.

Ghostie: Or someone :glares at Syl: would try to get her into trouble.

Cain: Well, that too. I was trying to be polite. It’s probably a waste of effort with Syl, though.

Syl: I’ll have you know those were nothing but baseless rumors and accusations.

*An end-table appears, followed by a datapad appearing on top of it, sitting perfectly upright in a blatant defiance of the laws of physics*

Goddess: And we all know that “baseless” can never be used to accurately describe you. *Waves to Cain* Hello, lovely!

Syl: Hey-ya, dimples!

Ghostie: Although “topless” can be used far too often to describe Syl.

Syl: Hey, if I’m doing my laundry I might as well do all of it.

Cain: Goddess. You do know we’re fighting a shadow war against each other, right?

Agent [GREY]: Well, that’s no reason to be impolite, is it?

Cain: Yes, it is.

Goddess: No, it isn’t. Besides, wars are boring.

Syl: He’s so rude. Do you know he sealed me in a force-field once? And then shot me at the event horizon of a black hole. I got a bruise on my bum. Anyone want to see?

Cain: And I’ll happily replicate that feat if you take your clothes off.

Ghostie: :hoses Syl down with tea: We’re starting the chapter soon, right? If you two start sniping at each other, we’ll be here all day.

Cain: Right now, in fact. Agent [GREY], normally I wouldn’t send you away in the middle of the riff, but I need you to work on tracking Goddess. It probably won’t matter, but I’d like to at least pretend we’re taking this conflict seriously.

*Agent [GREY] nods and turns into tea, disappearing. Most of the tea ends up splashing Syl upon falling to the ground, the rest disappearing*

Syl: :wrings out hat: For future reference, it is polite to at least buy a girl dinner before splashing her with your fluids.

Goddess: I can’t really give you a proper high-five from here in my secret base all the way in no-way-I’m-telling-you-land, so just pretend I’m giving you one.

Cain: We’re starting, now.

Ghostie: Please, for the love of all that is holy.

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1535: The Marissa Games – Chapter Seven

Title: The Marissa Games
Author:  Marissa the Writer
Media: Books/Movies/Video Games
Topic: The Hunger Games / Portal / MIB II / Team Fortress / Thomas the Trai- [Fuck it, I’m not adding any more to this list!  – Lyle]  The Kitchen Sink
Genre: Not Listed
URL:  Chapter Six
Critiqued by agigabyte and Ghostcat

Cain: Hello, you two. How are you doing?

Ghostie: Grumpy.

Syl: Speak for yourself, peaches. I’m fantastic.

Cain: Both of these things sadden me. Regardless, Agent [GREY] should be showing up with Tea and Scones soon enough.

Syl: And pie?

Agent [GREY]: You called, good chaps? And Syl?

Ghostie: I’m not a chap!

Agent [GREY]: I could have sworn that was the one. My twenty-first century counterparts have such confusing slang.

Cain: Don’t worry, Agent. You’ll be a good English stereotype some day.

Syl: You can unsticky my wicket any time.

Agent [GREY]: Are you talking to my dear Admiral or myself?

Syl: Yes.

Ghostie: :facepalms:

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1369: The Marrissa Games – Chapter Six

Title: The Marissa Games
Author:  Marissa the Writer
Media: Books/Movies/Video Games
Topic: The Hunger Games / Portal / MIB II / Team Fortress / Thomas the Trai- [Fuck it, I’m not adding any more to this list!  – Lyle]  The Kitchen Sink
Genre: Not Listed
URL:  Chapter Five
Critiqued by agigabyte and Ghostcat (with special guests Goddess, Cain, and Syl)

Last Time, on the Marissa Games:

Cain: I hired the Big Lipped Alligator to find me an interrupting Cow, then payed the Cow to become a permanent Cast Member. It took a liking to Cerbersheep and joined him. Anyway, I also have Garrus here with me.

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1288: The Marrissa Games – Chapter Five

Title: The Marissa Games
Author:  Marissa the Writer
Media: Books/Movies/Video Games
Topic: The Hunger Games / Portal / MIB II / Team Fortress / Thomas the Trai- [Fuck it, I’m not adding any more to this list!  – Lyle]  The Kitchen Sink
Genre: Not Listed
URL:  Chapter Four
Critiqued by agigabyte and Ghostcat (with special guests Goddess, Cain, and Syl)

Cain: Welcome back! I’m here with the usual ensemble. Syl, Ghostie, and-

Goddess: *Stands up from tying Ghostie to a chair* Hi! Ghostie was being uncooperative.

Cain: *Glares at Goddess* and Interrupting Cow.

Goddess: Did you just call me a-

Interrupting Cow: MOO.

Cain: You don’t count, Goddess. So I replaced you with this Cow.

Goddess: Oh, you little-

Interrupting Cow: MOO.

Goddess: *Pulls out Plasma Pistol* Well, it’s about to be interrupting st-

Interrupting Cow: MOO. *Teleports down to wherever Cerbersheep is*

Goddess: *Puts away Plasma Pistol* What… the hell just happened?

Cain: I hired the Big Lipped Alligator to find me an interrupting Cow, then payed the Cow to become a permanent Cast Member. It took a liking to Cerbersheep and joined him. Anyway, I also have Garrus here with me.

Garrus: *Waves awkwardly*

Ghostie: Can someone loosen the ropes on my wrists? My hands are going numb.

Goddess: That’s the purpose, sweetheart. This way you can’t wriggle out.

Ghostie: I’m not going to be much good to you if my hands fall off.

Goddess: Fine. *Loosens the bindings slightly* There you go, sweetheart. For now, at least. Someday, I’ll control the fleet, and then you’ll be mine.

Cain: Goddess, please never say sweetheart again. It doesn’t suit you. Also, Ghostie, she does that creepy thing a lot. I’d suggest just ignoring it.

Syl: Yeah, that’s more my thing.

Ghostie: It’s also really creepy when you do it.

Cain: If she wants to be fake endearing, she should go agig’s route and say “honey”.  Anyway, let’s begin.

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907: Thomas & Friends: Sodor High Tales – Chapter Seven

Title: Thomas & Friends: Sodor High Tales
Author: Gotham317
Media: Movies / Television
Topic: Thomas the Tank Engine
Genre: Adventure / Romance
URL:  Chapter Seven
Critiqued by Lyle

Good morning, lovely patrons!  It’s the moment I know you’ve all been waiting (read: dreading).  We’re back to TF:SHT.  Welcome to chapter seven.

Before I took my sabbatical, Thomas met a man on a tractor, raced a bus with his bike and won by some means outside the laws of physics, and met the object of his desire, who’s name is not actually Lady but “Polly,” which makes no sense considering he hasn’t changed anyone else’s name up until this point.  Plus the summary says her name is Lady, not Polly.  Lady/Polly seems a cowed child and not prone to talking.  So instead she eats the ice cream he buys her and then runs off without so much as giving him her phone number.

Aaaand, scene.

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