1825: The Marissa Games – Chapter Eleven

Title: The Marissa Games
Author:  Marissa the Writer
Media: Books/Movies/Video Games
Topic: The Hunger Games / Portal / MIB II / Team Fortress / Thomas the Trai- [Fuck it, I’m not adding any more to this list!  – Lyle]  The Kitchen Sink
Genre: Not Listed
URL:  Chapter Eleven
Critiqued by agigabyte and Ghostcat

Not a Verb Counter: 768

Scatology Counter: 103

*Cain and Goddess are bickering about something or other, waiting for Ghostie and Syl to arrive*

Cain: Again, this simply won’t work. We don’t have the numbers to tide Vagueness’s apparently infinite-

Goddess: Not just yours, perhaps, but-

Cain: Wait a moment. Monitor, attain my permission before beginning the recording, in the future.

Goddess: Also, that was a dick move.

(Very well. -Monitor)

Cain: Now, anyway, if I’m right, Syl and Ghostie will arrive, bursting through the door… now.

:Everyone stares at the door in anticipation:

Cain: … Any moment now.

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1767: The Marissa Games – Chapter Nine

Title: The Marissa Games
Author:  Marissa the Writer
Media: Books/Movies/Video Games
Topic: The Hunger Games / Portal / MIB II / Team Fortress / Thomas the Trai- [Fuck it, I’m not adding any more to this list!  – Lyle]  The Kitchen Sink
Genre: Not Listed
URL:  Chapter Nine
Critiqued by agigabyte and Ghostcat

Not a Verb Counter: 686

Scatology Counter: 101

Cain: Welcome back, everyone. I’m here with Syl, Ghostie, and Datapad-Goddess for another chapter of The Marissa Games. Say hello.

Syl: Hello! :blows kisses:

Ghostie: Do I really have to be here?

Goddess: You seem kind of annoyed, Cain. And yes, Ghostie. Sorry about that.

Syl: Have you met him? Kitten’s middle name is “Annoyed”. Or possibly Tiberius, I forget which.

Goddess: I prefer other middle names for him.

Syl: McLovin? That’s always a good choice. Very hipster.

Cain: This is the part where we begin the riff.

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1761: The Marissa Games – Chapter Eight

Title: The Marissa Games
Author:  Marissa the Writer
Media: Books/Movies/Video Games
Topic: The Hunger Games / Portal / MIB II / Team Fortress / Thomas the Trai- [Fuck it, I’m not adding any more to this list!  – Lyle]  The Kitchen Sink
Genre: Not Listed
URL:  Chapter Eight
Critiqued by agigabyte and Ghostcat

Not a Verb Counter: 625

Cain: I’d been hoping not to ever have to do one of these again–both because I hate this fic and because Syl is aboard one of my ships–but the Library did make us sign a contract.

Syl: :blows kisses: Bite me, kitten.

Agent [GREY]: Here you go, Ghostie. *Hands Ghostie a spray bottle*

Ghostie: Don’t worry, I came prepared today. :holds up Super Soaker 9000: Top me up?

Agent [GREY]: Of course. *Conjures Cardamom tea into the Super Soaker*

Syl: Bugger.

Cain: Glynda was going to join, but I vetoed that. I’m pretty sure the fic would’ve given her an aneurism.

Ghostie: Or someone :glares at Syl: would try to get her into trouble.

Cain: Well, that too. I was trying to be polite. It’s probably a waste of effort with Syl, though.

Syl: I’ll have you know those were nothing but baseless rumors and accusations.

*An end-table appears, followed by a datapad appearing on top of it, sitting perfectly upright in a blatant defiance of the laws of physics*

Goddess: And we all know that “baseless” can never be used to accurately describe you. *Waves to Cain* Hello, lovely!

Syl: Hey-ya, dimples!

Ghostie: Although “topless” can be used far too often to describe Syl.

Syl: Hey, if I’m doing my laundry I might as well do all of it.

Cain: Goddess. You do know we’re fighting a shadow war against each other, right?

Agent [GREY]: Well, that’s no reason to be impolite, is it?

Cain: Yes, it is.

Goddess: No, it isn’t. Besides, wars are boring.

Syl: He’s so rude. Do you know he sealed me in a force-field once? And then shot me at the event horizon of a black hole. I got a bruise on my bum. Anyone want to see?

Cain: And I’ll happily replicate that feat if you take your clothes off.

Ghostie: :hoses Syl down with tea: We’re starting the chapter soon, right? If you two start sniping at each other, we’ll be here all day.

Cain: Right now, in fact. Agent [GREY], normally I wouldn’t send you away in the middle of the riff, but I need you to work on tracking Goddess. It probably won’t matter, but I’d like to at least pretend we’re taking this conflict seriously.

*Agent [GREY] nods and turns into tea, disappearing. Most of the tea ends up splashing Syl upon falling to the ground, the rest disappearing*

Syl: :wrings out hat: For future reference, it is polite to at least buy a girl dinner before splashing her with your fluids.

Goddess: I can’t really give you a proper high-five from here in my secret base all the way in no-way-I’m-telling-you-land, so just pretend I’m giving you one.

Cain: We’re starting, now.

Ghostie: Please, for the love of all that is holy.

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1535: The Marissa Games – Chapter Seven

Title: The Marissa Games
Author:  Marissa the Writer
Media: Books/Movies/Video Games
Topic: The Hunger Games / Portal / MIB II / Team Fortress / Thomas the Trai- [Fuck it, I’m not adding any more to this list!  – Lyle]  The Kitchen Sink
Genre: Not Listed
URL:  Chapter Six
Critiqued by agigabyte and Ghostcat

Cain: Hello, you two. How are you doing?

Ghostie: Grumpy.

Syl: Speak for yourself, peaches. I’m fantastic.

Cain: Both of these things sadden me. Regardless, Agent [GREY] should be showing up with Tea and Scones soon enough.

Syl: And pie?

Agent [GREY]: You called, good chaps? And Syl?

Ghostie: I’m not a chap!

Agent [GREY]: I could have sworn that was the one. My twenty-first century counterparts have such confusing slang.

Cain: Don’t worry, Agent. You’ll be a good English stereotype some day.

Syl: You can unsticky my wicket any time.

Agent [GREY]: Are you talking to my dear Admiral or myself?

Syl: Yes.

Ghostie: :facepalms:

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1369: The Marrissa Games – Chapter Six

Title: The Marissa Games
Author:  Marissa the Writer
Media: Books/Movies/Video Games
Topic: The Hunger Games / Portal / MIB II / Team Fortress / Thomas the Trai- [Fuck it, I’m not adding any more to this list!  – Lyle]  The Kitchen Sink
Genre: Not Listed
URL:  Chapter Five
Critiqued by agigabyte and Ghostcat (with special guests Goddess, Cain, and Syl)

Last Time, on the Marissa Games:

Cain: I hired the Big Lipped Alligator to find me an interrupting Cow, then payed the Cow to become a permanent Cast Member. It took a liking to Cerbersheep and joined him. Anyway, I also have Garrus here with me.

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1288: The Marrissa Games – Chapter Five

Title: The Marissa Games
Author:  Marissa the Writer
Media: Books/Movies/Video Games
Topic: The Hunger Games / Portal / MIB II / Team Fortress / Thomas the Trai- [Fuck it, I’m not adding any more to this list!  – Lyle]  The Kitchen Sink
Genre: Not Listed
URL:  Chapter Four
Critiqued by agigabyte and Ghostcat (with special guests Goddess, Cain, and Syl)

Cain: Welcome back! I’m here with the usual ensemble. Syl, Ghostie, and-

Goddess: *Stands up from tying Ghostie to a chair* Hi! Ghostie was being uncooperative.

Cain: *Glares at Goddess* and Interrupting Cow.

Goddess: Did you just call me a-

Interrupting Cow: MOO.

Cain: You don’t count, Goddess. So I replaced you with this Cow.

Goddess: Oh, you little-

Interrupting Cow: MOO.

Goddess: *Pulls out Plasma Pistol* Well, it’s about to be interrupting st-

Interrupting Cow: MOO. *Teleports down to wherever Cerbersheep is*

Goddess: *Puts away Plasma Pistol* What… the hell just happened?

Cain: I hired the Big Lipped Alligator to find me an interrupting Cow, then payed the Cow to become a permanent Cast Member. It took a liking to Cerbersheep and joined him. Anyway, I also have Garrus here with me.

Garrus: *Waves awkwardly*

Ghostie: Can someone loosen the ropes on my wrists? My hands are going numb.

Goddess: That’s the purpose, sweetheart. This way you can’t wriggle out.

Ghostie: I’m not going to be much good to you if my hands fall off.

Goddess: Fine. *Loosens the bindings slightly* There you go, sweetheart. For now, at least. Someday, I’ll control the fleet, and then you’ll be mine.

Cain: Goddess, please never say sweetheart again. It doesn’t suit you. Also, Ghostie, she does that creepy thing a lot. I’d suggest just ignoring it.

Syl: Yeah, that’s more my thing.

Ghostie: It’s also really creepy when you do it.

Cain: If she wants to be fake endearing, she should go agig’s route and say “honey”.  Anyway, let’s begin.

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1281: The Marrissa Games – Chapter Four

Title: The Marissa Games
Author:  Marissa the Writer
Media: Books/Movies/Video Games
Topic: The Hunger Games / Portal
Genre: Not Listed
URL:  Chapter Four
Critiqued by agigabyte and Ghostcat (with special guests Goddess, Cain, and Syl)

Cain: Welcome back, Patrons and Librarians. This particular chapter is even more… interesting than others.

Goddess: Cain, what do you know that we don’t?

Cain: Not telling.

Syl: Well, that’s ominous. Should we make him tell us?

Ghostie: :sigh: Are we ever going to get through one of these without someone being threatened with grievous bodily harm?

Cain: Nope. Not with those two here. Maybe I should replace Goddess with Garrus.

Ghostie: I’m not really “up” on the canon version, but I think we’re better off with the devil we know.

Syl: :elbows Goddess: I think she’s flirting with you.

Goddess: I’d be fine with that.

Cain: Just pretend she doesn’t exist. It’s rather effective.

Ghostie: Good to know.

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