1767: The Marissa Games – Chapter Nine

Title: The Marissa Games
Author:  Marissa the Writer
Media: Books/Movies/Video Games
Topic: The Hunger Games / Portal / MIB II / Team Fortress / Thomas the Trai- [Fuck it, I’m not adding any more to this list!  – Lyle]  The Kitchen Sink
Genre: Not Listed
URL:  Chapter Nine
Critiqued by agigabyte and Ghostcat

Not a Verb Counter: 686

Scatology Counter: 101

Cain: Welcome back, everyone. I’m here with Syl, Ghostie, and Datapad-Goddess for another chapter of The Marissa Games. Say hello.

Syl: Hello! :blows kisses:

Ghostie: Do I really have to be here?

Goddess: You seem kind of annoyed, Cain. And yes, Ghostie. Sorry about that.

Syl: Have you met him? Kitten’s middle name is “Annoyed”. Or possibly Tiberius, I forget which.

Goddess: I prefer other middle names for him.

Syl: McLovin? That’s always a good choice. Very hipster.

Cain: This is the part where we begin the riff.

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1761: The Marissa Games – Chapter Eight

Title: The Marissa Games
Author:  Marissa the Writer
Media: Books/Movies/Video Games
Topic: The Hunger Games / Portal / MIB II / Team Fortress / Thomas the Trai- [Fuck it, I’m not adding any more to this list!  – Lyle]  The Kitchen Sink
Genre: Not Listed
URL:  Chapter Eight
Critiqued by agigabyte and Ghostcat

Not a Verb Counter: 625

Cain: I’d been hoping not to ever have to do one of these again–both because I hate this fic and because Syl is aboard one of my ships–but the Library did make us sign a contract.

Syl: :blows kisses: Bite me, kitten.

Agent [GREY]: Here you go, Ghostie. *Hands Ghostie a spray bottle*

Ghostie: Don’t worry, I came prepared today. :holds up Super Soaker 9000: Top me up?

Agent [GREY]: Of course. *Conjures Cardamom tea into the Super Soaker*

Syl: Bugger.

Cain: Glynda was going to join, but I vetoed that. I’m pretty sure the fic would’ve given her an aneurism.

Ghostie: Or someone :glares at Syl: would try to get her into trouble.

Cain: Well, that too. I was trying to be polite. It’s probably a waste of effort with Syl, though.

Syl: I’ll have you know those were nothing but baseless rumors and accusations.

*An end-table appears, followed by a datapad appearing on top of it, sitting perfectly upright in a blatant defiance of the laws of physics*

Goddess: And we all know that “baseless” can never be used to accurately describe you. *Waves to Cain* Hello, lovely!

Syl: Hey-ya, dimples!

Ghostie: Although “topless” can be used far too often to describe Syl.

Syl: Hey, if I’m doing my laundry I might as well do all of it.

Cain: Goddess. You do know we’re fighting a shadow war against each other, right?

Agent [GREY]: Well, that’s no reason to be impolite, is it?

Cain: Yes, it is.

Goddess: No, it isn’t. Besides, wars are boring.

Syl: He’s so rude. Do you know he sealed me in a force-field once? And then shot me at the event horizon of a black hole. I got a bruise on my bum. Anyone want to see?

Cain: And I’ll happily replicate that feat if you take your clothes off.

Ghostie: :hoses Syl down with tea: We’re starting the chapter soon, right? If you two start sniping at each other, we’ll be here all day.

Cain: Right now, in fact. Agent [GREY], normally I wouldn’t send you away in the middle of the riff, but I need you to work on tracking Goddess. It probably won’t matter, but I’d like to at least pretend we’re taking this conflict seriously.

*Agent [GREY] nods and turns into tea, disappearing. Most of the tea ends up splashing Syl upon falling to the ground, the rest disappearing*

Syl: :wrings out hat: For future reference, it is polite to at least buy a girl dinner before splashing her with your fluids.

Goddess: I can’t really give you a proper high-five from here in my secret base all the way in no-way-I’m-telling-you-land, so just pretend I’m giving you one.

Cain: We’re starting, now.

Ghostie: Please, for the love of all that is holy.

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1369: The Marrissa Games – Chapter Six

Title: The Marissa Games
Author:  Marissa the Writer
Media: Books/Movies/Video Games
Topic: The Hunger Games / Portal / MIB II / Team Fortress / Thomas the Trai- [Fuck it, I’m not adding any more to this list!  – Lyle]  The Kitchen Sink
Genre: Not Listed
URL:  Chapter Five
Critiqued by agigabyte and Ghostcat (with special guests Goddess, Cain, and Syl)

Last Time, on the Marissa Games:

Cain: I hired the Big Lipped Alligator to find me an interrupting Cow, then payed the Cow to become a permanent Cast Member. It took a liking to Cerbersheep and joined him. Anyway, I also have Garrus here with me.

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1288: The Marrissa Games – Chapter Five

Title: The Marissa Games
Author:  Marissa the Writer
Media: Books/Movies/Video Games
Topic: The Hunger Games / Portal / MIB II / Team Fortress / Thomas the Trai- [Fuck it, I’m not adding any more to this list!  – Lyle]  The Kitchen Sink
Genre: Not Listed
URL:  Chapter Four
Critiqued by agigabyte and Ghostcat (with special guests Goddess, Cain, and Syl)

Cain: Welcome back! I’m here with the usual ensemble. Syl, Ghostie, and-

Goddess: *Stands up from tying Ghostie to a chair* Hi! Ghostie was being uncooperative.

Cain: *Glares at Goddess* and Interrupting Cow.

Goddess: Did you just call me a-

Interrupting Cow: MOO.

Cain: You don’t count, Goddess. So I replaced you with this Cow.

Goddess: Oh, you little-

Interrupting Cow: MOO.

Goddess: *Pulls out Plasma Pistol* Well, it’s about to be interrupting st-

Interrupting Cow: MOO. *Teleports down to wherever Cerbersheep is*

Goddess: *Puts away Plasma Pistol* What… the hell just happened?

Cain: I hired the Big Lipped Alligator to find me an interrupting Cow, then payed the Cow to become a permanent Cast Member. It took a liking to Cerbersheep and joined him. Anyway, I also have Garrus here with me.

Garrus: *Waves awkwardly*

Ghostie: Can someone loosen the ropes on my wrists? My hands are going numb.

Goddess: That’s the purpose, sweetheart. This way you can’t wriggle out.

Ghostie: I’m not going to be much good to you if my hands fall off.

Goddess: Fine. *Loosens the bindings slightly* There you go, sweetheart. For now, at least. Someday, I’ll control the fleet, and then you’ll be mine.

Cain: Goddess, please never say sweetheart again. It doesn’t suit you. Also, Ghostie, she does that creepy thing a lot. I’d suggest just ignoring it.

Syl: Yeah, that’s more my thing.

Ghostie: It’s also really creepy when you do it.

Cain: If she wants to be fake endearing, she should go agig’s route and say “honey”.  Anyway, let’s begin.

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1281: The Marrissa Games – Chapter Four

Title: The Marissa Games
Author:  Marissa the Writer
Media: Books/Movies/Video Games
Topic: The Hunger Games / Portal
Genre: Not Listed
URL:  Chapter Four
Critiqued by agigabyte and Ghostcat (with special guests Goddess, Cain, and Syl)

Cain: Welcome back, Patrons and Librarians. This particular chapter is even more… interesting than others.

Goddess: Cain, what do you know that we don’t?

Cain: Not telling.

Syl: Well, that’s ominous. Should we make him tell us?

Ghostie: :sigh: Are we ever going to get through one of these without someone being threatened with grievous bodily harm?

Cain: Nope. Not with those two here. Maybe I should replace Goddess with Garrus.

Ghostie: I’m not really “up” on the canon version, but I think we’re better off with the devil we know.

Syl: :elbows Goddess: I think she’s flirting with you.

Goddess: I’d be fine with that.

Cain: Just pretend she doesn’t exist. It’s rather effective.

Ghostie: Good to know.

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1238: The Marrissa Games – Chapter Three

Title: The Marissa Games
Author:  Marissa the Writer
Media: Books/Movies/Video Games
Topic: The Hunger Games / Portal
Genre: Not Listed
URL:  Chapter Three
Critiqued by agigabyte and Ghostcat (with special guests Goddess, Cain, and Syl)

Cain: Welcome back! I’m here with Goddess, Syl, and Ghostie. agig refuses to come back, Sem is still riffing Truth or Dare Surprise, and Dakota is doing my paperwork for me, so that leaves *Sigh* Goddess.

Goddess: I’m not that bad. *Sees look of incredulity on Cain’s face* Okay, yeah, I’m that bad.

Syl: You say that like it’s a negative thing.

Cain: It is. I swear, you two drive me insane…

Syl: Something tells me it was a fairly short trip.

Goddess: *Types something down on her datapad* I need to save that joke you just made.

Cain: Damnit. I don’t need to deal with both of you, and this fic.

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1231: The Marrissa Games – Chapter Two

Title: The Marissa Games
Author:  Marissa the Writer
Media: Books/Movies/Video Games
Topic: The Hunger Games / Portal
Genre: Not Listed
URL:  Chapter Two
Critiqued by agigabyte and Ghostcat (with special guests Goddess, Cain, and Syl)

Cain: Welcome, Patrons and Librarians, to another chapter of *Motions at the incomprehensible pile of shit that is this fic* this. Goddess, why did you just open the transcript file? *Checks* Really, did you just change the action I did to be that subjective?

Goddess: Maybe.

Cain: *Sigh* In other news, agig gave up. He just couldn’t do it.

Syl: Wait for me! :enters dragging Ghostie by the heels:

Goddess: Do you think you could shift a bit to the right? I’ve almost got a perfect angle. *Holds up a camera*

Cain: *Headdesks*

Ghostie: I told her I would walk. I think she likes being dramatic.

Goddess: Or maybe she just likes you.

Ghostie: There’s a scary thought.

Syl: Don’t worry, you’re not my type.

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