1569: I’ll protect you – Chapter 2

Title: I’ll protect you
Author: Sessh-Amy
Media: Video Games
Topic: Slender: The Eight Pages
Genre: Romance/Hurt/Comfort
URL: Chapter 2
Critiqued by Ghostcat

 

 

Hello, dear Patrons, and welcome back to the Library! I’m here with another scoop of Slender Man fic, which I’m sure you’ve all been eagerly awaiting.

What happened in the last chapter? Not a hell of a lot; communal whipping boy Thaddeus stumbled around a forest while hearing a mysterious voice and being chased by a mysterious figure that he assumed was the fic’s designated asshole even though the figure looked and sounded nothing like said designated asshole. He then found a piece of paper and was touched by the mysterious figure, which surely would have resulted in an in-game death but is likely a prelude to more physical contact between the two.

Yay.

Authors notes*

Oh, good; an Author’s Note. These are always fun.

OMG! I just noticed how short the last chapter was DX My bad!

Chapters don’t have a required length, they can be as long or as short as they need to be. It could even be argued that a Slender Man yaoi slashfic would be better with shorter chapters, or even no chapters at all.

Lets see what I can conjure up for this chapter XP LOL ENJOY!

I assume that means the author is making things up as she goes, which rarely goes well for the audience.

Now let me tell you before I forget, my perspective of the slender man is way different from what you believe slender to be lol You’ll see once you read it.

Wow. That’s probably one of the most literal examples of telling rather than showing I’ve had in a while. And the audience is already aware that this version is different, just by virtue of the fact that he spoke in the first chapter.

Remember! I don’t update regularly.

And I also remember that you don’t have to. No one does.

Slender Man P.O.V.

:eye-twitch:

I actually find the idea of a fic written from The Slender Man’s perspective to be an intriguing concept, but I have a feeling I’m not going to enjoy this very much.

Yes this boy, I’ve seen him before in the small town.

Did you go to town for grammar lessons? Because I think you were cheated.

Thaddeus I believe was his given name.

With a name like “Thaddeus I believe” it’s no wonder he gets picked on in school.

I haven’t seen him in the longest time, that’s probably because I’ve been to busy watching over the children in the town.

Huh. The Slender Man is a malicious figure in the source materials, but this sounds almost … protective.

What a charming young man he’s grown to be, but… why does he grieve?

If you’ve been “watching over” the children in the small town, then you should be familiar with Thaddeus’ whipping-boy status. It didn’t look like the bullies made any secret of it.

The aura around his frail body gives out negative energy, which gives me the impression that he’s in a foul mood.

Which would usually mean that he’s angry, not that he’s grieving.

I hid myself behind the shadow of tall tree and watched as he grew closer.

Impressive; I don’t think even one of the Library ninja could hide behind a shadow rather than in it.

His face was drenched in what I believe are tears, he had a faint crimson color over his cheeks, and his left eye was swollen and purple. What has happened to this poor child?

Wait a second … He supposedly spends a great deal of time “watching over” children yet doesn’t seem to know what tears are or why Thaddeus is bruised and crying?

Oh, crapcakes. This is one of those authors who tries to have things both ways, with a character that knows nothing about humans while still managing to know everything about humans, isn’t it?

“Why am I the reject of the school…” he said to himself, nearly falling over a twig and saying other things about being a pest and a mistake.

Is … Is this the same scene from Chapter 1?!?

:flips back in fic:

Son of a blue-balled monkey! It is the same! A good chunk of Thaddeus’ self-loathing dialogue is missing, but it looks like the same exact scene from a different perspective.

That’s not a good sign.

I tilted my head to the side as he passed by the tree i was hidden.

I think Thaddeus stole word there.

Thaddeus? Is this really the cheery little boy I use to play with? Who’s caused this poor thing to be so depressed after I worked so hard to make him smile?

Wait, didn’t the author spend the first chapter drilling into the audience that Thaddeus’ life is nothing but an unending parade of despair and abuse?

A low grow erupted from my throat, not loud enough for him to hear though. No one is to cause harm to my children, no one.

I’m getting a very “Mama Bear” vibe from Slender Man, which is an intriguing take on the character. If he specifically targets victims of abuse in order to remove them from a bad situation that would be an interesting spin on the character – but that’s not what is happening. The Slender Man seems shocked at Thaddeus’ current state despite spending all of his time “watching over” the children. Even if he never saw the actual abuse occurring, he should have seen the after-effects in Thaddeus and heard about it when the other children gossiped.

Slendy really dropped the ball here.

“It’s not like I did it on purpose!” he suddenly yelled, startling me.

Without Thaddeus’ inner monologue giving context, that looks like a very odd statement to suddenly shout out loud.

He smashed his fists against the tree and fell to his knees. If I had eyes they would have widened at the fact that my child is dripping blood from his knuckles.

I assume from the lack of eyes that this version of The Slender Man has the standard featureless head, but that just makes me question how he is able to perceive his environment at all.

And is The Slender Man going to constantly refer to Thaddeus as his child? Because if this fic goes the direction the summary says it is going to go in, that is just all kinds of creepy.

I silently teleported behind the tree he leaned against and let one of my appendages sprang from my back.

Sudden tense shift is sudden.

There’s a lot of fanart depicting Slendy as having tentacles sprouting from the rear portion of his torso, but “appendage” is an extremely vague term that can be applied to any projection from the body that has a distinctive appearance or function. A tentacle can be an appendage, but so can an arm or a thumb or even a nose. Since The Slender Man’s appearance, including his current appendages, hasn’t been described in any specific detail beyond the fact that he doesn’t have eyes, having another appendage sprout from his back just adds another blob of Void to the character.

It slowly made it’s way down towards Thaddeus knee and consciously let it brush against it.

:THWACK!:

BAD TOUCH! BAD TOUCH!

If this mysterious appendage is something that The Slender Man has to deliberately extrude, then it would probably be impossible for him to unconsciously use it to touch anything.

Luckily, Thaddeus didn’t seem to notice as he continued to mumble to himself.

That doesn’t make it any less creepy, you know.

I searched his thoughts as he groaned in pain.

:THWACK!:

:THWACK!:

VERY BAD TOUCH!

I assume the author didn’t mean for it to appear as if The Slender Man’s searching of Thaddeus’s thoughts was what was causing Thaddeus pain, but that’s how it looks based on the way the sentence is structured. Also, how is The Slender Man doing that? I don’t recall him having any touch-based telepathic powers; typically if he gets close enough to touch someone, the end result is death.

I saw a tall, broad, young man roaming over Thaddeus body with three others beside him.

:Places Mr. Crowbar on the desk:

Sorry, Mr. Crowbar, but I think I need a little something extra for this one.

:wheels Spider Cannon out of closet and loads it with black widow spiders:

:PHFOOSH!:

BAD TOUCH!

My chest tightened as they punched, kicked, and insulted Thaddeus. Despite him pleading for them to stop the boys continued their assault on him. “How about you do us all a favor and kill yourself? the boy laughed as Thaddeus remained curled up like a ball on the ground, sobbing.

Strange; when the incident was related in the first chapter, it wasn’t portrayed as being nearly this violent. The bullies taunted Thaddeus a bit and then punched him once in the stomach. Now they are just whaling on him. I suppose this could be the difference between perception and reality; since the first chapter was in first-person perspective it showed the actual events as they happened while The Slender Man is viewing Thaddeus’ memories as filtered through his Tragek Stu brain.

Or the author forgot to add those details and didn’t both to go back and edit the first chapter, which is far more likely.

A growl threatened to escape my throat as my claws extracted and the appendages in my back were itching to come out and hurt Thaddeus attackers.

…Did The Slender Man just claw Thaddeus in the leg? He does remember that he is touching the boy, doesn’t he?

How dare they lay a finger on my child? When I find them I’ll make them experience so many different kinds of pain?

You don’t seem very certain of that, Slendy.

“I would but I don’t think God or the Devil want me around them,” Thaddeus said, laughing sadly. Who was he talking to just now? Was he answering his attackers question?

Slendy would make a decent Librarian.

He stood up from his spot slowly and gazed off toward the horizon

Which he couldn’t see since he’s in the middle of a forest.

“Should I go home?… Hmph, No one wants me around… I should just keep moving forward until I’m nothing but a memory,” he said before pushing himself off of the tree and walking off.

Oh, the bit about getting eaten by wolves didn’t make it into the chapter but the super-emo dialogue did.  Because of course it did.

I detached part of my appendage from my body and let it stay attached to Thaddeus ankle.

Ewww.

Why would he do that? If his mind-reading ability is based on touch, then severing that physical connection should end the mental connection as The Slender Man is no longer physically connected to that appendage-bit.

I walked out of the tree’s shadow and watched Thaddeus walked away.

That’s a lot of walking that has been happened.

I continued to search through his thoughts, listening to all the cruel things that have been said to him throughout the years. He covers his ears as he begged for the torments to stop.

Oh-kay, so it appears that he can still access the mental link even without having physical contact with his appendage-bit. Sure, why have telepathy that behaves according to rules? It does look as if accessing Thaddeus’ memories of his past bullying is causing him to relive those experiences, though. That seems unnecessarily cruel of The Slender Man, considering he supposedly cares for “his child”.

My chest tightened in pain. All I ever wanted for my children is for them to grow up happy.

Then you probably should have kept better track of them, dude.

Now that I look at Thaddeus down on his knees and weeping continuously, I know now that I wasn’t enough help to keep that smile on his face.

The smile that is currently on his face despite the copious amounts of weeping and angsting going on?

He looks like a lost puppy, a kitten even.

Those are equally sad things, not a progression from one moderately sad thing to an even sadder thing.

I’m not going to let things continue like this. Thaddeus, I will return that smile you had so many years ago to your face.

Given the themes in the author’s past works, I assume The Slender Man will use the power of boners rather than resolving Thaddeus’ bullying issues using his impressive paranormal abilities to strike fear in the hearts of man.

So please… Do not weep my little kitten… I whispered in his head as I hid behind the shadows and neared myself closer to him.

Verbing really weirds the language. English is already sufficiently strange without you making things worse, author.

“Who’s there?” he gasped as he got to his feat. I can hear his heart speed quicken and the aura around him shifted.

I guess the answer to the question “How does The Slender Man perceive his environment?” is “In any way that is convenient to the particular situation.”

Do not be afraid… I assured him as the voices in his head disappeared.

If The Slender Man could block Thaddeus from hearing the memory-voices of his past tormentors at will, why did he make the boy suffer through them for so long?

At least I managed to make him forget about the torments.

That he suffered because you stopped “watching over” him and that he was only reliving because of your mind-raping appendage-bit. This is really all your fault.

He questioned my person as he walked around the forest, looking for me.

Wha? I don’t think the author understands what either of those phrases mean, since you can’t really question someone that you’re still looking for.

I continued to roam the shadows and came across a large tree.

Ewww.

I attached a piece of paper to the rough wood

:facepalm:

Bark, it’s bark. Is it really that hard to remember what the outside layers of a tree are called?

that said ‘I will protect you’ and quickly hid myself.

Haven’t you been hiding the entire time? Are you hiding while hiding?

When he finally spotted the paper he walked closer. My mouth parted and exposed my jagged teeth in delight.

Oh-kay, so his head isn’t completely featureless – he has a mouth. With sharp, jagged teeth.

:shivers:

I just had a shark erotica flashback.

Once he receives this gift I will have permission to be in his life.

Wait, what? Where on the piece of paper does it say that? And aren’t you already in his life as a creepy stalker?

Hesitantly he reached for it and finally received it. Now I have access to his life from now on.

:headdesk:

What the hell? Thaddeus is curious about a piece of paper, and somehow the act of turning it over and reading it constitutes explicit permission for an otherworldly entity to have “access” to his life?

This is why you should never touch The Shiny, people.

I’m curious as to why The Slender Man feels the need to get permission from Thaddeus now since he’s already spent a good chunk of time “watching over” the boy (admittedly doing a piss-poor job of it), not to mention the violation of privacy that is that mind-raping appendage-bit attached to Thaddeus’ ankle.

Thaddeus P.O.V.

DAMMIT!

The forest became silent, the wind has became steady and the world around me seems to have stopped. My eye’s were wide, my mouth was a gap, and my heart was running a mile.

And your grammar are stuttering.

“W-Who…” I managed to say before drifting off.

Dude, you didn’t fall asleep – you passed out after fleeing through the woods in terror and then being grabbed by a mysterious figure.

Roaming over my body was a tall, slender being, wearing a black suit and tie.

…You keep using that word. I don’t think it means what you think it means.

His face was pure white and… “W-where?” I mumbled as I looked over his features. He had no eyes, nose, or a mouth!

So you’re looking at his features, which are completely absent (even though he should have a mouth since one was specifically mentioned in the narration)?

Dude, I think you just divided by zero with your eyes.

“W-what are you?!” I dared to ask as I slowly crawled back from it.

Well, he ain’t the Avon lady.

Do you not remember me, kitten? he asked, tilting his head to the side and standing tall. H-how did he speak without moving his mouth?

You mean the mouth you just said he didn’t have?

I swallowed the lump in my throat as I shook my head ‘no.’ Do not fear me, I am your friend he said almost in a whisper.

I don’t think “whisper” is the right word to use, since that implies someone is vocalizing softly – The Slender Man doesn’t have a mouth so he physically cannot whisper. (Although… This version does seem to have a mouth filled with sharp teeth, just not right now. Because reasons.) I assume he is communicating with Thaddeus via that remote-access appendage-bit, so he could make his “voice” as loud or as soft as he wants to.

“W-What?!” I asked, suddenly having a hard time breathing. “D-don’t hurt me…” I begged, letting the tears run down and taking long deep breaths. He hunched down closer to me and my body began to tremble.

The Slender Man obtained special permission to be a part of Thaddeus’ life in order to make him happy, and then promptly reduced him to a gibbering wreck seconds away from soiling himself.

:slow clap:

Great job, dumbass! Two thumbs up!

Thaddeus… he said, reaching his hand out towards me.

Wait, didn’t he use Thaddeus’ name earlier?

:checks first chapter:

Yeah, right after The Slender Man told him not to be afraid, which had the opposite affect. I don’t see that in this chapter, though.

But that would mean that the author is writing this chapter without referencing the earlier chapter and just relying on her memory to get the dialogue and actions – which have already been established in the previous chapter – correct. It’s bad enough to rewrite the same scene from a slightly different perspective, but to not even put in the effort to make sure the events match up … that’s just lazy. And it actually would have made more work for the author, since she had to write everything from scratch rather than pulling up the previous chapter and copy-pasting the dialogue over into the new chapter.

I flinched and shut my eyes tightly, awaiting a slap to the face or something but…it never came.

Except for the part where he grabbed you by the wrist and made you pass out. The author seems to have forgotten that bit as well.

I jumped when I felt a cold, colossal, hand stroke my cheek gently. I opened my eyes and stared up at the being in front of me. My kitten… I will protect you from now on.

The author is really trying to make The Slender Man into a comforting and nurturing presence in Thaddeus’ life, which is par for the course in a hurt/comfort slashfic, while still retaining recognizable traits from his horror persona. It’s not working; in fact, I find this version far creepier than the established canon version.

My heart skipped a beat at hearing those words. “What… Why… Who?…” I asked as the world around me began to spin. My vision began to blur and I suddenly felt light headed. I think I’m fainting. “…Who?” I asked again.

Again, doing an awesome job of making Thaddeus happy – he’s positively giddy with joy.

I’m the Tall Man you use to play with, he said before my eyes slip shut. I’m the Slender Man.

Would he actually call himself that? The character is usually referred to by that name because his actual identity is unknown, but this is the character himself. He would know his own name.

“-WHAT?!” I gasped as I sat up from my bed.

Sudden scene shift certainly seems sudden.

Sweat ran down my face, my heart was running a mile a minute and my shirt stuck to my body.

If only his face is sweating, then why is his shirt so sticky?

On second thought, I’d rather not know.

“W-was that a dream?” I panted, running my hand through my hair and looking at my surroundings. I was back in my room! Nothing seemed to be out of the ordinary. What was that all about, and who was that monster? It felt too real for it to be a dream.

Oh, no; looks like you’re back at your last save point. Now you’ll have to repeat the forest level all over again.

This is why smart gamers save early and often.

A breeze blew inside my room, causing me to shiver. That’s funny, I don’t remember leaving the window open. Come to think of it, I don’t remember coming back to my room. “How did I get here?”

Does your room even have a window? Are you certain you’re in the right house?

I swung my feet to the side of the bed and stood up. I made my way towards the open window and closed it. What happened earlier today? All I remember was waking up and having an argument with Anna, going to school and having the shit beaten out of me by Gerald, and going to the forest and…

…Thaddeus…

His voice echoed in my head. I shook my head and slapped my cheeks with my hands. “Stop thinking about it, it was only a dream,” I assured myself as I made my way to my bathroom.

So the whole thing, from when your sister insulted you through the bullies kicking your ass and all the weird shit in the woods with The Slender Man, that was all a dream?

I turned on the light and hissed from the brightness. “Damn,” I cursed as I rubbed at my eye lids.

The true weakness of any Emo Stu – moderate illumination!

After letting my eyes adjust for a moment I looked at myself in the mirror. That’s weird… “I thought a bruise would form on my eye…”

From the fight you had in your dream?

I removed my damp shirt from my body and gasped in shock.

Yes, I’m sure your non-existent physique is very impressive – or not, since I really have no idea how old you are supposed to be.

My body was perfectly fine and had no sign of bruises at all, my scars seem to have disappeared as well. “What’s going on?” I asked, backing away from the mirror.

Sudden sensitivity to bright lights, aversion to mirrors, inexplicable healing of wounds … Crapcakes. He’s turned into a vampire, hasn’t he?

My back then hit the door frame, causing something to fall from my pants pocket. I gulped as I slowly picked up the crumbled piece of paper and straightened it out.

I question this series of events; if his back struck the doorjamb, then the only pockets that would have made contact would have been one of the rear pockets. This would have crushed the paper further rather than causing it to squirt out like a spat watermelon seed. If it was sticking out of one of his side pockets then how did it remain in his pocket through all the movement, like getting out of bed or taking off his shirt, that occurred before he hit the doorjamb?

My eye’s widen in shock and my hands trembled.

Just the one, though. He must be only half-shocked.

I will protect you

“It w-was real?” I asked as I let the paper fall from my hands. “S-shit!”

Y’know, if the mere thought of the alleged love interest sends the protagonist of your “Romance” fic into a state of pants-shitting terror, then there’s probably something wrong with the fic. Strangely, this fic would work much better as a Horror fic; turning Slendy into an obsessed stalker would work well with the character’s known traits.

Authors note*

Oh, fudge-nuts! Not another one.

Okay so here’s the deal with Slendy!

Oh, this should be good.

:Gets comfy in chair, propping feet up on Spider Cannon:

He is a touch telepathic, which means he can read and communicate through people’s minds just by touching them,

No, that would mean that he has a small amount (also known as “a touch” in common vernacular) of telepathic ability – the phrasing you’re looking for is “touch telepath”. I don’t know if he can still be classified as one, though, since the ability works even after severing the physical link between his body and the portion of his appendage touching the subject he is reading. This is more like a form of parasitic telepathy; that appendage-bit is somehow interfacing with Thaddeus’ central nervous system and giving The Slender Man direct access to Thaddeus’ brain. Depending on how deeply the two nervous systems are intertwined, the “link” may even be irreversible.

It’s an interesting ability with complex ramifications, but something tells me it’s just going to be used for sexy-fun-times.

he also teleports, which I think was necessary to include because really who like’s walking?

It’s also one of the character’s primary abilities, and a necessary one if Slendy has tentacles since walking would be a little problematic.

lol, and he can heal people, which makes no sense xDD

And even though you know it doesn’t make any sense, you still included it anyway because … Blue? Have I used blue recently? Let’s go with blue.

As you read through the story you will learn more about the origin and morals of the slender,

Which I normally would be interested in, but now not so much.

and I might include more freaky abilities as I go on xD

:repeatedly headdesks:

So this fic is going to have two Stus; an Emo Stu in Thaddeus and a Super Stu in poor ol’ Slendy. So … Who does that leave as an antagonist? Designated Asshole Gerald or abusive sister Anna, both of whose names I had to go look up because I’d already forgotten them?

Again, this is my perspective on the Slender man and I’m entitled to change what ever the hell I want XP It is fan fiction after all! Ha!

:sighs:

This rather succinctly encapsulates the attitude of many fanfic authors who end up in the Library. Some liberties can be taken with established characters, especially in areas that aren’t covered in the source materials, but once you start changing major aspects of the character then you have crossed over into an original creation. I can write a Snoopy fanfic, but if I decide to make Snoopy a seven foot tall blonde gladiator who wrestles fire-breathing alligators in his spare time then he really isn’t Snoopy anymore.

So review/subscribe if ya liked it.

Yet another commonly held belief – that reviews should only ever be positive.

Remember I don’t update regularly and I’m making this story up as I go.

Yes, and it shows. You didn’t even go back and check that the dialogue matched up with the first chapter.

Have any suggestions then leave a review!

Bye!

My primary suggestions would be to;

• improve your mechanics and grammar
• turn this into a Horror fic because it just doesn’t work as a Romance.

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