582: Twenty Warriors – Chapter Six

Title: Twenty Warriors
Author: Herr Wozzeck
Media:  Video Games/Comics/Movies/Cartoons
Topic: Skies of Arcadia/Fire Emblem (Path of Radiance/Radiant Dawn duology)/X-Men/Punisher/Super Smash Brothers/Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles/Tales of Symphonia/Dead or Alive/Riviera: The Promised Land/Gears of War
Genre: Adventure/Fantasy
URL: Twenty Warriors: Chapter 6
Critiqued by Herr Wozzeck

Well hello once again, patrons, and welcome back to this snarking. Well, last week we ended on one of the best worst descriptions ever. Seriously, that description was just so bad it was awesome.

Which is why you may be dismayed to learn that in this week, it’s back to same old, boring bullshit. But this week, we get a dash of something else in there! Yes, Johnny, we get more bullshit in this piece of shit on top of the shit!

So let’s get started, shall we?

We open with another author’s note. However, this one is slightly more critical to the action because of the fact that it adds another disclaimer:

I introduce something else here, so let’s get the disclaimer out of the way, shall we?

Tales of Symphonia does not belong to me; it belongs to the guys at Namco.

Oh dear, now one of my other big JRPGs from my teenage years is on the chopping block. Beautiful.

Anyway, we get more stuff with that, and then we start the chapter with this:

Lina and Largo sat in a lounge in the coliseum. They had gotten early to registration so that they could get a chance at gaining the rope first.

You know, ‘cause the winner of a tournament is totally determined by the order of people that register! Yeah, that makes so much sense, and is totally how tournaments work in real life!

The two of them were actually the first ones there, as the lounge was empty of other people. Lina and Largo sat in nervous anticipation, wondering when the others would come.

Neither of them had said anything for a long time. Lina was starting to doze off and Largo just kept looking ahead.

Finally, the berserker could not handle the boredom any more.

Huh, I think Largo was channeling the reaction of the people reading this fic.

He turned to Lina.

“Say, Lina,” said Largo. “You nervous?”

Lina took a while to break out of her sleepy stupor, moaning and then lifting her head up, eyes squinting in tiredness.

“Huh?” asked Lina weakly.

“I asked if you were nervous,” said Largo.

“Oh,” said Lina as she woke up. “Lina is very nervous.”

“I can see why,” said Largo.

I can’t, considering that Lina is a very spunky character. She does get nervous in canon, but it’s over the kind of thing that really does matter rather than trivial stuff like a tag tournament.

“I hope somebody else arrives. I’m getting bored sitting here.”

Oh hey, we’re barely a few lines into this new chapter and already I’m agreeing with Largo. Can something please happen to offset this feeling of intense boredom?

As if on cue, the door of the room opened, allowing a group of what looked to be four people to walk in. They headed straight for the registration table.

This was a heavily assorted group made of strange people. The first was a swordsman with brown spiky hair who wore a shirt the color of blood and had a pair of swords on his waist. The second was a girl with hair the color of butter and a strange white shirt with blue patterns on it. The third was another girl, this time with rosy hair sticking away from the sides of her hair and a dark uniform on her. The fourth was a man with long cerulean hair who wore a white simpleton’s shirt.

Oh fudgeballs, I think I may have opened up a can of worms by asking this story to get on with it… Shitballs… Not only is that the most boring description for a group of people that the story tells us are strange I can think of, but… Damn, I think I know where they’re all from.

“Hello,” said the fat man sitting at the registration dance.

“Hey, you wanna participate in this tournament? Drop to the ground and gimme fifty pas passacailles, bitch!”

“I take it you are here for the tournament?”

“Yes,” said the fourth one as he stepped forward.

“Well, then,” said the fat man. “All you have to do is sign here and you’re good to go!”

With this comment, the fat man pointed at a sheet of paper that lay on the desk.

One by one, the members of the group signed their names, and afterwards looked at the fat man for further instruction.

“That is all,” said the fat man. “Please take a seat so we can brief the contestants on the conditions once everybody is here.”

“Thank you,” said the fourth person.

…

…

*is shaken awake*

Uh-huh-huh, what? What happened?

…

Oh, nothing. Okay, yeah, I didn’t miss anything.

Anyway, Lina and Largo take notice of this, and given that they’re the only people there, this new group of four decides to come on in. They introduce themselves, and then they confirm our worst fears:

“I’m Lloyd,” began the man with the red shirt. “This here is Collette, she’s Presea, and this man here is Regal.”

As he talked, he pointed first at the girl with the butter-colored hair, then the girl with the rose-colored hair, and finally the man with the white shirt.

Yup, that looks about right: half the playable cast of Tales of Symphonia is in fact standing right in front of my face. I’m surprised nobody’s asking where Regal’s pants are, but hey, we have more important things to get to!

You know, like more boring dialogue!

“Right,” said Largo. “So you’re fighting exactly how?”

“Well, Presea and I are one group,” said Regal. “Lloyd and Collette are another.”

“I see,” said Largo.

“Lina’s nervous!” said Lina.

“Why’s that?” asked Collette.

“Well, we—”

“She’s never done something like this,” said Largo before Lina could say anything else.

Regal nodded.

“Understandable,” he said.

Yup, nothing remarkable about this bit of dialogue at—

“Believe us, Lina,” said Presea. “There is a 97.42 chance of being nervous the first time through. The best we can do is to hold it in and taking a breath.”

Oh hey, it’s the first piece of dialogue that doesn’t involve plot regurgitation in this whole involved rigmarole that is even remotely in character for the character in question! Man, isn’t this a refreshing sight?

Lina perked her head a little, noticing the fact that Presea’s calculation seemed almost too exact.

“Oh, don’t worry about it,” said Lloyd, laughing a little as he walked to Presea. “She is intelligent is all.”

Well, that, and she spent time as a human supercomputer, so that doesn’t hurt either. (And yes, Lloyd was right to keep that to himself. The stuff Presea went through is just tragic in so many ways, and I doubt it’s something he’d dump on a total stranger.)

“Oh,” said Lina. “Lina didn’t get that kind of thing.”

“Believe me,” said Collette. “When we first saw Presea, we thought the exact same thing.”

“Really?” asked Largo.

“Yes,” said Lloyd.

The group sat down, and the conversation continued as the door opened again.

Oh hey, actual character development? Wait, sorry, we can’t have that! Let’s jump to the next scene!

A group of twenty-six individuals sat in the arena of the coliseum. They all sat in chairs as they watched a man at the mayor’s stand in the audience.

Lloyd was very nervous. Much like Lina, he was nervous to a major point. Having Collette with him helped, but the tension was very horrible on him. The swordsman knew that he had to get there and fight to win, but he wondered why he was one of the ones sent amidst prestigious warriors.

…

Wait, the last scene ended with Lloyd and Collette talking to Lina and Largo. Why are we still with them? I mean… the division tag was there… was it misapplied?

‘Cause we haven’t jumped to another group of heroes yet! It wouldn’t be this fic if it jumped to another set of characters every time the scene changed!

“Good afternoon to all of you,” said the man in the mayor’s stand. “As you all know, you are at the Tag Tournament this year.

Wait, they’re talking about the tag tournament…

Does this mean… does this mean the chapter will stay in the same place throughout the whole thing?

…

*pumps fist*

Yes! Finally, this fic isn’t going to act like a hyperactive squirrel on a sugar rush! And, you know, it’s actually going to take some time to let us get to know these guys a little better! Granted, it’ll probably be wasted on boring-ass dialogue and scenes that didn’t need to be there, but you know what? I’ll take my victories where I can get them. So yeah, this is a good thing.

Proceed.

Of course, the same conditions as those of last year hold; you fight in groups of two until both members of the opposing team are knocked out. There will also be environmental matches where the environment will be such that the features can get in your way.”

Great, thought Lloyd bitterly. I’ve never had to work with that before…

“However, the environmental matches will only affect those who show a great versatility in an open space,” continued the announcer. “Thus, not everybody can get one.

Wait… So they have this variety of match in a coliseum-type environment, but they’re not using it for all of them? What kind of tournament is this? I’d hate to be the guy who lost his match in an open-ended space and then get to see next week that he could’ve used the trees over there that were brought in for the environment matches to his advantage! I thought the idea of a tournament was that everyone was on equal footing so the best people can win! This just sounds like the tournament is rigged!

*headdesk*

Fucking morons… I’ll bet you all ten bucks that this isn’t the dumbest thing the tournament organizers do, either.

For practice, there are three practice arenas where each member of a team can practice with his or her teammate for matches. It is recommended that you make frequent use of these practice arenas, as people do say that practice makes perfect.”

Right, thought Lloyd. I’ve already had enough practice from the journey of regeneration, though…

Yeah, Lloyd, I think you more than anyone would know the significance of that, especially considering that you probably have swung by a coliseum before.

“You may stay in the inns that you used upon entering this town,” said the announcer. “However, if you are paranoid about deadlines, there are quarters here that you may use; you simply need to alert us of your intentions and you are good to go.

Concerned about deadlines? What, are you going to assign all the combatants a twenty-page essay on why sportsmanship is key to any tournament? ‘Cause that would just be stupid if you did!

Your next Epponent and your date of the match will be posted on a wooden board that you can check just as you leave the coliseum.

Your next epponent? Uh… what? What the bloody hell is an epponent? Is it… Is it an animated epaulet that you have to fight? ‘Cause it might seem a little strange when you have to fight… um…

*headdesk*

What the fuck are we fighting in this tournament!?

If you have any further questions, you may contact me afterwards. Remember; this is a tournament! Rough behavior between matches that goes on between two opponents will not be taken lightly! I now welcome you to the tournament!”

*headdesk*

Wow, that has to be one of the clumsiest entrance speeches ever. Not even Clint Eastwood was this awkward when he talked to a chair in front of the GOP!

Some clapping was heard, but the general response was too concentrated on waiting for him to say something else.

…

Well damn, you know a speech was terrible when even the audience hearing the speech thinks he’s not finished.

Anyway, after that, we get another line break, and we cut to this:

“Well, how’d it go?”

“It went really well. We met some new people, and we know things we never knew.”

“Lina can’t wait for the match tomorrow!”

“Why do you say that?”

“Our first match is tomorrow. It kicks off the tournament, actually.”

“Oh. In that case, you both should be excited. The winner of the first match generally tends to do well in the rest of the tournament.”

“Really?”

“Yes, Lina.”

“Wee! When this is over, I’m telling my friends about all the fun I’ve had!”

Elise smiled and wiped another glass.

Um… No, Lina, I wouldn’t trust Elise the Generic Innkeeper there. Yeah, what impact would a silly thing like skill have on this tournament? It’s not like having tons of it can drastically change things from year to year, you know?

*headdesk* *headdesk* *headdesk*

Anyway, I’m gonna go ahead and skip some dialogue, ‘cause it gets into the not terrible territory again, and there is an actual attempt to build character here. I’m gonna go ahead and skip to a relevant part, though, ‘cause even in the ‘not terrible’ phase there’s still plenty of bullshit to go around.

“Despite the dubious title, though, I must say that you are quite the guy to make ladies shiver,” said Elise.

“Really?” asked Largo. “What do you mean by that?”

“Think about it,” said Elise. “You’re attractive, you’re muscular, and you are incredibly cheerful.”

“You really sure about that?” asked Largo.

“Want me to prove it to you?” asked Elise. “Go off to the main bar in town. I believe it’s called ‘Derecho’ or something like that. There are plenty of girls who go there to find men. Sit somewhere, and see how many girls stop by your table or otherwise glance in your direction.”

… Wait, she’s suggesting that Largo go off and pick up chicks? Uh… Wait, hold on, no. Maybe she’s just saying “hey, ask them how attractive you are”. That’s gotta be something, right? ‘Cause there’s no way she’d actually be crazy enough to suggest something that is really kinda—

“Okay,” said Largo. “You’re on!”

“Right,” said Elise. “Keep in mind that sometimes girls will get in your pants if they drag you to their house. Be prepared for anything.”

“Get in my pants?” asked Largo. “Does that mean they’ll try to do something to me?”

“Yes,” said the innkeeper as she wiped another glass. “I’ve heard it’s pleasurable, though, so I would play along if they try to get you to do something.”

“Right,” said Largo.

*headdesk*

Wait… So his proof that he’s attractive is going to be that you will tell him to go to a nearby bar to pick up a couple of chicks to have sex with if the ladies take it that far? Okay, why would you suggest that? Well, actually, first off, why would you even need to prove that he’s attractive? Attraction can be more subjective than you seem to believe it is, Elise! And second off… really? You wanted to get him to prove that, and that’s what you went with? Picking up chicks? Yeah, ‘cause you can totally measure how attractive a man is by how many babes he’s got hanging off his massive arms! Yeah, there’s no way that this suggestion that implies that all women are incredibly easy to get in bed with is even remotely sexist at all!

*headdesk*

God damn, Herr Dumbass, you were a fucking idiot!

After… that, Lina and Largo both go off to their room in the inn. The story then cuts to the next day at the start of the tournament, with a conversation between Lina and Largo about being nervous about the start of the tournament. Largo encourages Lina a bit, and then they both walk outside to start the tournament with some kind of announcer.

“Ladies and gentlemen!” shouted an announcer as they stepped out. “These two are about to duke it out! Who will win and proceed to the next stage? Only destiny will tell. With that, I give you the fight! Fighters, prepare yourselves!”

Largo raised his axe as the two ninjas raised their weapons. One weapon was a katana, and the other held a bo staff in his hands.

“Lina, you ready for this?” asked Largo.

The young girl pulled out her bow, hand on the quivers jutting from her backpack.

“As I’ll ever be,” said Lina.

…

Wait a minute… This is a tag tournament, right? Shouldn’t one of these two be sitting on the sidelines or something? ‘Cause that’s what a tag tournament is, isn’t it? Only one person fights, and then they tag the other guy in if they’re doing badly! They don’t just stand on the battlefield fighting at the same time!

“Fighters ready?” asked the announcer.

Both competitors nodded and looked at their opponents.

“Fight!” shouted the announcer.

The ninjas made the first move, running towards the two opponents as Largo looked at Lina.

“Get as far away as you can and cover me!” shouted Largo.

Lina had no time to ask questions, so she ran just as Largo held up his axe to block both weapons. The berserker blocked a strike from the katana, at the same time knocking down the man with the bo staff as Lina readied an arrow at the man with the katana and fired. This arrow connected, which oddly enough sent the competitor flying back against the wall.

*headdesk*

Good job, Herr Dumbass! Not only have you completely failed to grasp what a tag tournament actually is, but you have completely revolved a huge portion of your plot around it! Good job! Collect your “Did Not Think About A Major Plot Element For More Than Two Seconds” award here!

*headdesk*

Anyway, there’s really not much to the rest of the scene, except for an action scene that is a little overdescribed. I mean… look at it!

How this happened, Lina had no idea. However, she did not dare ask as she readied another arrow in case the man with the katana wanted to attack Largo again; the berserker was busy blocking and attempting to rain blows on the ninja with the bo staff. The ninja with the katana got up and went back to attack Largo, but each time Lina let loose an arrow which would send the man flying into the nearby wall. By this, the fight eventually got into the center of the arena, which would fare well for everybody.

By the time Largo and his opponent had gotten into the center, Largo had much of the upper hand despite having the larger weapon; it had something to do with the fact that the ninja was doing too much to dodge the axe the berserker held in his hands. This gave Largo an advantage over the ninja.

However, after one block of a particularly hard blow on Largo’s part, the ninja with the bo staff managed to knock the berserker onto the ground. Afterwards, he unloaded on the berserker. Lina, seeing this, grabbed an arrow and knocked the man with the bo away with one shot; however, the katana man weakly stood up and stumbled to Largo to finish the work of the man with the bo staff. Largo stood up quickly and knocked the man with the katana into the wall with the sharp side of his axe, effectively knocking the man out.

I mean… I’ll admit that it’s nowhere near the worst action scene this Library has seen, but it’s still a bit boring to read. It’s a little overdescribed, with slightly pointless sentences telling the reader about who has what advantage where. It also doesn’t help that the prose takes a more clinical stance, where actions are described as is and we don’t really get to see all that much about the emotions the characters are experiencing. Like, there’s nothing even as simple as a “Lina, concerned about Largo possibly being ganged up on by the two ninjas”! It’s just clinical and boring.

But… let’s face it, Crystal Hearts Path had worse action scenes.

Anyway, to the surprise of absolutely nobody who remembers that these ninjas weren’t given names, Lina and Largo come out on top. So they win the first match, and everyone is happy.

We then cut to Elise cleaning up house when Lina and Largo return. There’s nothing too notable about that, except for this:

“Actually, I was thinking about going to that place you mentioned last night,” said Largo. “I want to test that theory of yours as a celebration drink…”

“Well then,” said Elise. “Let’s see how that goes, yes?”

“Of course,” said Largo. “I think I better get some rest for tonight though.”

“Go right ahead,” said Elise. Largo went up the stairways afterwards.

Lina, who had been tap dancing all over the floor, suddenly stopped as Largo went upstairs with an expression of curiosity taking over.

“What about you, Lina?” asked Elise. “Would you like a celebratory lunch?”

*blinks*

Ah balls! Look out, patrons, we’ve got time squiggling up here too! Run for the hills!

*hides under the bed*

“Of course!” said Lina, smiling quite suddenly at Elise. “Gimme some fruit, please!”

“Fruit it is!” said Elise, whipping up the cutting knife as she said this.

*peeks out from under the bed*

Never mind, folks! A somewhat in-character Lina moment has just come in to save us from the dreaded timesquiggle! You can come out now!

*comes out from under the bed*

Anyway, after that, we cut to the next scene, which opens with this:

Men sloshed around in half-drunken states as they sat next to girls and ordered the said girl drinks. Some men went outside, arms wrapped around the waists of the girls they had picked up, and the men that had picked up the whores went upstairs. The two bartenders went about their business as best as was possible at such a busy time of night, and women sat in wait as they waited for men.

So essentially, we’ve just stepped into a bar that confirms this nugget of “wisdom”:

For Antonia, it was another night at the same bar with nobody interesting.

*gasp*

Holy shit, a woman who isn’t into fulfilling the stereotype presented by this scene? Quick! Someone call EclipsePheniox! He’ll know how to put this lady in her place!

She was neither a whore nor a bartender; she was a bystander who watched the events of each night unfurl. For three years nothing eventful happened under the watch of her penetrative jade orbs that people called her eyes. For three years, nobody had noticed or cared to notice the chocolate hair that melted into streams with every body motion.

… And she also gets her hair done at Godiva. Huh. Not to mention that we’ll need to do another precious jewel eye surgery on her. Man, victims of that syndrome seem to be popping up a lot lately, don’t they?

For three years, she had gone unnoticed by anybody.

She usually shook her head after every night; she felt her purpose was in destiny’s hands entirely. She could not help but feel that by going to the bar she would eventually run into her destiny.

However, for three years she never had. She never gave up hope of this being true, but she was unknown by most of the patrons.

Antonia figured that it had something to do with the other women; the men came to the bar to find a decent woman to make love to, and any relations after that were nonexistent. The young woman knew that her destiny was not such, but she waited for the man who would sweep her off of her feet.

…

Oh, wait, nevermind patrons, you don’t have to tell EP anything. After all, we’ve gone from this:

And we’ve gone right to this:

Huh, that’s interesting! Yeah, we can’t have any women with actual character here, now, can we?

As of then, there were many couples on a dance floor, with some sitting at the counter. Antonia sat in the shadows of a booth, with many more women waiting there.

The door opened, and Antonia knew that another man had entered.

When the unoccupied girls looked, they were surprised at who they saw.

Oh dear… Don’t tell me we’re in for what I think we’re in for…

Into the bar strode a very large man, with more muscles than an average man from the town. He was able to arrive with two belts over his chest and creamy white pants on him. He also had a very attractive face; amethyst eyes peered into nothing in particular. This was surrounded by luscious lavender hair that went into a very short beard of sorts. He looked up as he entered, expecting something.

Ah! My eyes! My eyes!

*fumbles for the purple prose glasses*

Shit, I knew I should’ve put those on earlier! Fuckballs!

Antonia had never seen the reaction from the girls following his entrance; upon his entrance, all of the girls without a man screamed in such exotic ways upon noticing how attractive the man was, and they all crept towards him and gathered around in a circle.

“Ooh…” said one with teal hair and lemon-colored eyes. “He’s the handsomest catch around here…”

“You’re telling me…” said a second woman with eyes the color of wood and rough sandy-blonde hair. By this time, the girls had gotten to him and had started to caress him in an infinitely sexual manner.

Ack! Look out, it’s a parade of increasingly ugly faces! Run for the hills, patrons! Run for the hills!

“Shut it, Arianne!” said a third woman, this one with hair the color of the oceans and eyes that sparkled of diamonds. “I call dibs on him first!”

“And what do you know of calling dibs on this guy?” asked the first woman. “I’m sorry Melisande, but you need more experience in calling dibs.”

…

Arianne and Melisande? Huh… Those are some odd names for random ladies that inhabit bars…

“You’ve never gotten any catches like this, Bellangére,” said a fourth woman with obsidian eyes and hair of the exact same shade. “I suggest you back off before you lose another good one.”

…

Bellangére? Huh? What kind of name is that?

A fifth one simply looked at him wildly, then shook her head wildly at the fourth woman.

“Oh, come on Alladine,” said Melisande. “You can’t be serious, can you?”

And then there’s an Alladine, and… and…

…

Oh fuck. This isn’t what I think it is, is it?

“I suggest you keep your trap shut!” said the fourth woman. “You know how poor Alladine can’t get her way with a man. Maybe this time she’ll be lucky.”

“Forget her luck, Selysette,” said a sixth woman, eyes staring in wild shades of lavender with hair that flowed of a constant river of white sand. “Maybe she would get men if she could talk.”

“Now, now, Judith, let’s not forget what happened last time you did that to Alladine,” said a seventh one who wore flaming hair on her head with eyes of a searing amethyst. “Ygraine thinks that you were too hard on her.”

*BAM*

God damn it, it’s an obscure opera reference. No no, not an obscure opera reference: it’s two separate obscure opera references!

*sigh*

Okay, yeah, I’ll admit another thing. Another one of the trademarks of Herr Dumbass was to throw in a random opera reference regardless of whether it made sense with the story or not. So in this case, all these names are strange-ish because they’re all opera references. The hilarious thing? The references here are references to two operatic treatments of the same story.

The story in question? Well, we’re talking about two very different takes on the Bluebeard tale. You know, the one where Bluebeard marries a girl, the girl is given a key but is told not to open one of the doors, she opens it and finds his previously murdered wives, and stuff goes on from there? Yeah, that Bluebeard.

Arianne (which I spelled wrong, by the way), Melisande, Alladine, Bellangére, Selysette, and Ygraine are all characters from Ariane et Barbe-bleue, an opera by Paul Dukas based on the play by Maurice Maeterlinck. (If the name of the composer sounds familiar, it should: his best known piece is the backdrop to this iconic Disney animation.) What the hell a more symbolist and slightly mystical take on the tale has to do with anything relating to this story is something that not even I can tell you now that I’m no longer 17. But either way, it’s strange, considering that all these women are characters who have dealt with… y’know… Bluebeard and all that. Why the hell they’re all chasing after men when they’re shown trying to escape from one is beyond me.

But that doesn’t even get close to the weirdest part of this. The weird part? The other opera reference somehow makes even less sense, but for a more easily explained reason. Judith, the one without the French-sounding name, is from a different take on the Bluebeard tale: in that case, it’s from an opera titled A kékszakállú herceg vára, better known by its non-Hungarian title of Bluebeard’s Castle. In other words, it’s the only opera by Béla Bartók, on a libretto by Béla Balász. The thing that makes this reference so strange is that it’s trying to link what has so far been a very strange and incredibly boring action movie to a dark psychological drama with some very morbid (and bizarre) symbolism. (“Wondrous items sullied by blood” is a recurring motif throughout the opera, a lake of tears shows up at one point, and there’s some symbolism with the various wives being equated to the times of day that comes up right at the end. Good stuff.) Notice the use of “dark psychological drama”. Yeah, it’s that kind of opera all right. And it’s just lumped in here in this piece of shit.

Why?

‘Cause dammit, if opera isn’t the coolest thing on the planet, I don’t know what is!

*BAM*

Seriously, how long is this random detour of operatic reference that serves no purpose whatsoever going to last?

“Girls, girls!” said the man as he shook all of the women off of him. “I feel uncomfortable here. At least give me some room to sit!”

The girls, all startled at this, promptly leapt off of the large man, returning to their stalls in shame. This gave the man time to look at the individual booths.

Oh, thank you Largo! For a second, I thought my musical nerdiness was going to overtake the proceedings!

*sigh*

Anyway, let’s move on, shall we?

Antonia did not expect the man to walk to her table and sit next to her. The young woman was taken by surprise, but she kept staring forward.

“Hello there,” said the man. “Why are you silent here?”

“I guess I just am,” replied Antonia. “After all, nobody notices me these days.”

“Well I must have noticed, since I saw you right when I walked in,” said the man. “I’m Largo, by the way.”

“Antonia,” said the young woman. The waiter came up to the two of them. Largo ordered drinks and the waiter left the two of them alone.

And thus starts a fairly lengthy dialogue sequence that really isn’t all that terrible. It’s essentially Largo and this new character getting to know each other, and while it is a little hokey and dumb it’s not as hokey and dumb as a lot of the dialogue we’ve gotten up to this point. I’m gonna skip the rest of it, ‘cause it’s really not worth noting in any other sense except that there are obvious undertones of “these two are going to be a pairing later on”.

And if you’re wondering if they get it on?

“Well, I could—”

“Not tonight,” said Largo. “I’m not the kind to get into the dirty stuff.”

“Well, we can’t stay here long, so why don’t we go talk outside after we pay?” asked Antonia.

“Sure,” said Largo, producing a pouch full of coins that Antonia figured he had earned at the festival earlier in the day and dropping a few coins on the table. “Come on.”

The two stood up and exited the bar, with the other seven girls looking on jealously.

Oh thank Christ. The last thing we needed was a “love at first fuck” plotline.

Anyway, after this, we cut back to Elise and Lina as Lina regales her with tales of…

Well… this:

Elise cleaned dishes after dinner, with Lina sitting at the counter telling her stories of her adventures with her friends.

“And then, the evil guys that were flooding the place left after turning the wheel, and then we went upstairs and killed the head demon of that place!” shouted Lina. “And then, Ein walked in on Serene and Cierra in the springs while they were bathing with a bunch of other girls.”

“Really, now?” asked Elise. “I wonder how they reacted to that…”

“Well, Serene got so angry she slapped him around a bit!” said Lina. “You should have seen the poor guy get slapped by Serene. He was literally bumping against walls!”

“That has to hurt,” said Elise as she wiped the last dish and set it under the counter for tomorrow’s meal. “I wonder why…”

“Well, Serene never liked guys watching her when she took a bath,” said Lina. “It sort of served him right!”

…A completely random reference to the Hot Springs parts of Riviera: The Promised Land, of course!

After this, Largo comes back in, tells Elise that she was right, Largo mentions Antonia rather briefly, and then Largo and Lina go off and sleep for the night. And that is where this chapter ends.

*sigh*

Damn, I forgot how long some of these chapters could be. It’s probably only gonna get worse as we go on, too… Eh, it’s not that big a deal. We’ll just take it slower from here on out. After all, that just gives me time to make more sense of what Herr Dumbass was thinking.

Anyway, that’s it for this week. I’ll see you guys next week with more of this piece of shit. Stay tuned, ‘cause you never know what’s in store!

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