2083: Whisker Wonka – Pages 16-30

Title: Whisker Wonka
Author: Lizzimba
Media: Film
Topic: Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory
Genre: Comic/Fetish
URL: Whisker Wonka Pages 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30
Critiqued by Herr Wozzeck

Hello ladies and gents, and welcome back to Whisker Wonka! In today’s webcomic of suck, we’re going to go a little further into the comic, which should take us to about the halfway point.

Yes, we’ll be at the halfway point at thirty pages: Whisker Wonka is only about 63 pages long, so if nothing else the comic is mercifully short. Well, okay, it’s not I Will Survive short, but at least IWS was pretty to look at. 63 pages for ugly art tends to go by a little faster than that, and I’m just glad we don’t have a 100^th page we need to snark, so I’ll take my victories where I can get them.

So anyway, let’s keep going!

We pick up with the end of the tunnel scene:

…

*frown*

You know, speaking as one of the three people who never found the tunnel scene to be all that terrifying (or even all that creepy, to be honest), isn’t half the terror supposed to derive from the fact that Willy Wonka just goes along with it and does his hardest to creep out his passengers more? I would think that half the thing that creeps them out is that cryptic poem he starts screaming at the end of the scene.

Jeez, if you’re going to undercut half of the supposed creep factor of the scene, you might as well show some actually grisly imagery!

*snort*

Okay, that’s actually a pretty funny punchline, at least in concept. That’s actually based on an old comic page of his (this), and I think in concept it’s actually a good way to poke fun at himself.

In concept. The problem is, his art style really hasn’t improved much since then. Sure, the line-art is at least cleaner, but not by much. Also, most of the same problems are still there: the lack of erased sketch layer, the fact that the eyes are wonky (seriously, look at Itchigo’s eyes in that panel and tell me those aren’t wonkily-drawn eyes for that expression), the still-iffy backgrounds… If anything, the still he chose from that comic actually oddly looks better than most of what we actually see in Whisker Wonka.

So it’s a good concept, but unfortunately, the joke needs to incur plenty of improvement, not just “my lines are a little thinner now”. And then there’s the whole fact that he’s also a narcissist, but one thing at a time…

“Is it a room where we have well-drawn eyes for once?”

“Well… no guarantees.”

“Good anatomy?”

“No guarantees either.

“Uh… Mr. Wonka, can we go home now?”

“No, adulties! You are trapped in my factory forever, where my poor grasp of drawing will be your doom! Mwahahahahahaha!”

Ah yes, because a cheap knock-off of Chuck’E’Cheese needed to get his pizza recipes and his animatronics and most especially his penchant for hiring child killers as employees from… a chocolate factory?

*headdesk*

Even by the standards of most shoehorned pop culture references, this one is especially nonsensical, enough that it makes Game Theory videos based around Mr. Fazbear sound intelligent!

“This room is so spectacular that my eyes died and my speech bubble assaulted the border of the panel!”

*snerk*

Wow, calm down, Whisker Wonka!

…

Goddammit, I can’t believe I had to tell an analogue of Willy Wonka to calm down! I mean, Willy Wonka, of all people!

But the weird thing is, this version of Willy Wonka isn’t as eccentric as any of his other book or film counterparts! Thus, in the moments where he does weird things, they come right the fuck out of nowhere and there’s no real precedent for them! And when that’s happening, one has to wonder what the point really is, you know? If you’re going to tone down his eccentricities, tone them down all the way! This just seems out of place!

*headdesk*

Then again, knowing Lizzimba’s character creation abilities, I highly doubt he understands why you make sure an eccentric character stays in character…

Flavored with earwax? Okay, even Willy Wonka isn’t crazy or stupid enough to do that, considering that earwax is actually supposed to have a fairly sour taste. (For reference, earwax has a similar pH as an Anaheim pepper.) And anyway, why are you concentrating on the flavor? As far as making something last for eternity, it’s preservatives you want to look at, not flavorings! And even on that train of logic, I have no idea why the fuck you’d use ear wax as a preservative, considering that earwax turns all crumbly and grainy when it gets dry, so what possible combination of chemicals would turn earwax into the world’s most important preservative?

Like, I don’t really think that counts.

See? Even one of the people you swindled realized this makes no sense!

Oh hey, isn’t this funny? In one single pair of panels, Lizzimba basically summarized the ending of literally every conversation that other people have with him about anything!

Aaaah, so the chewing gum meal is a thing. I’m going to assume this means that Violet Beauregard’s fate is pretty much going to be plot-regurgitated beat by beat?

But Whisker Wonka, how can we do that when you haven’t told us why your eyes look so awful in that last panel! Or do you think the fact that the pupils are drawn unevenly between the two eyes has something to do with it? Because if so, then I just ended it, right?

…

I mean, at least she avoided Veruca Salt’s fate? I mean, not like this is any better considering that she, much like everybody else that got swindled into taking part in all this, has got literally no character whatsoever, but still, at least it’s a minor victory?

…

So you know how I said Whisker Wonka had a lot of empathy for a Wonka-type last installment? Scratch that: he’s got none as of this installment.

So ladies and gentlemen, I think you know what’s next. She eats the blueberry pie portion of it, and then she turns into a blueberry, right? So you’d expect it to be quick, yes?

No dice.

And you wonder why I’m acting completely unsurprised that the inflation into a blueberry was kept exactly the same as it was in the book, yes? Because dammit, if muscle growth is fetish material, then so is being transformed into a giant fucking blueberry, am I right?

Also, oh boy, boobies. Thank God I have the help of Auntie Paint here to censor that shit, right?

Oh nothing, you’re just going to be carted off and taken out of this fetish comic where you’ve been reduced to a sexualized object and then you’ll be on your merry way, yes?

Whoah hold on! What’s with the sudden burst of color!? This comic has had literally nothing in the way of coloring until this point, and then suddenly Violet—I mean, Alice gets coloring to look like a blueberry? And like… This is literally the only time anything gets any splash of color throughout the entirety of Whisker Wonka, and it’s over fucking Violet Beauregarde?

I mean, shit, I know that using a sudden splash of color after a completely colorless palate has been used as a signifier of an important event/concept, but if that’s the case why wasn’t Alice colored this way in the previous panels? And why reserve such a thing for the second character to get dropped like its hot, and only the second character? It’s just such a weird decision, it’s not consistent with the rest of the whole, and what the fuck was Lizzimba thinking when coloring it?

*headdesk*

If nothing else should’ve indicated that Lizzimba has no idea what he’s doing when drawing this comic, this singular splash of color right here should be all the indication you need! And especially the fact that even with this splash of color, you can still see the sketch lines underneath!

Jesus Christ, what the fuck did Lizzimba do to get five unlucky souls to willingly agree to be part of this?

*offstage trombone*

Wait, what?

http://dogpatch.press/2018/03/09/the-zaush-issue/

…

Oooooooh, right, I forgot, furry fandom keeps buying porn from shitty people, because dammit they’ve gotta wank to stuff eventually!

Sorry for forgetting that oh so significant detail!

Can I hold off on that for now? I kinda don’t want to follow you any further for the moment: I think we’ve all had our fill of fetish and Wonka censor bars for the day, yes?

Anyway, that’s all for Whisker Wonka today. Tune in next week, when we go even further into this incompetent mish-mash of dumb fetishes.

Watch, and there isn’t even gonna be any variety in the fetish materials…

 

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