1321: Samurai Jack meets Batman Beyond – Chapters 1 & 2

 

 

Title: Samurai Jack meets Batman Beyond
Author: Jigsaw9856
Media: Cartoon
Topic: Samurai Jack/Batman Beyond
Genre: Adventure
URL: Chapter 1
URL: Chapter 2
Critiqued by Ghostcat

 

 

 

 

Hello, dear Patrons!

I’m here with a short little fic; although it have twelve chapters, each chapter is so short I’m going to be able to double up on each riff. I found this little nugget in the Samurai Jack section of ff.net; it was announced last December that Adult Swim’s Toonami is producing a new season so I’ve been poking around the section to see if there have been many new fics added in anticipation. This is nominally a crossover between Samurai Jack and Batman Beyond, but … It gets pretty clusterfuckery pretty fast. Let’s take a look at the summary, shall we?

In a world ruled by the master of all evil, two men must team up to overthrow him. Note: appearances from other characters are found without as well.

Not super-helpful; I would assume that these two men mentioned would be Jack and Batman, but that doesn’t really tell me anything. It’s that note at the end that perked up my Librarian antenna. I assume that these “other characters” will be drawn from different canons, since there would be no need to make special note of a canon character appearing, and that usually spells trouble.

I’m not going to go into a long info-dump on the source materials – I’ll cover the relevant areas when they appear but this fic does go off the reservation is a big way pretty early on. Enjoy!

“Long ago in a distant land, I, Aku, the shape shifting master of darkness, unleashed an unspeakable evil. But a foolish samurai warrior wielding a magic sword stepped forth to oppose me. Before the final blow was struck, I tore open a portal in time, and flung him into the future where my evil is law. Now the fool seeks to return to the past and undo the future that is Aku.”

:yawns:

Straight-up stealing the show’s opening narration. That’s just lazy. And nothing is done to describe anything, it’s just a transcription of the dialogue.

Observe the difference a really good, dynamic reading with accompanying visuals can make in something that could be dull as dishwater.

 

But what Jack didn’t know was that the future Aku sent him into was an alternate future.

Wait a second – what’s going on? That paragraph up there is spoken dialogue, yet this paragraph looks like narration.

In it not only had Aku conquered the world but also gained the ability to travel to different dimensions and uses warriors from these dimensions to build up an army. With this army he rules over the future with an iron fist.

So Aku is Bill & Ted-ing himself an Army of Darkness. That’s seems excessive considering he’s the physical embodiment of pure evil, plus he already has scads of minions to draw on.

“Standard ‘world domination via transdimensional travel’ plan; everyone and their cross-gendered twin has dabbled with that one.”

AHHH!! PIRATE!!!

:swish-CLINK!-thud:

:Ghostie, respawned wearing a frilly pink hime gyaru outfit, storms into the Riffing Chamber:

Dammit, Syl!

“I’ve warned you about using that word.”

Noted. Now, what are we going to do about me? :nudges body behind desk with the toe of one beribboned shoe: Well, former me?

“That’s all you, honey; I’m not burying any more bodies today.”

… I’ll get the ninjas to take care of it.

:points: “I’ll be wanting that knife back.”

—THE LIBRARY IS EXPERIENCING TECHNICAL DIFFICULTIES—

—PLEASE STAND BY—

Now, you were saying something about world domination?

“Yeah, all transdimensional travellers play around with it at one time or another. It never really works out, though.”

Well, why not?

“It’s just not practical; many factors go into making a successful warrior, and changing the warrior’s place space-time changes those factors. Like for example, take Temüjin.”

Who?

“Gengis Khan. He was a brilliant leader, conquered everything in his path and ground his enemies into paste under his bootheels while also advocating religious tolerance.”

So I take it you’re a fan?

“Boy did good work, I have to give him that. But if you plucked him from the plains of Mongolia and plunked him down in the middle of a Panzer division in the North African desert, I doubt he would have fared as well.”

I have to say, you do make a compelling point. :rubs chest: Literally.

In this future a young Bruce Wayne watched his parents get gunned down by Aku’s henchmen robots.

“Hey, isn’t that the fictional character you have a massive crush on?”

No! I like Batman, not Bruce Wayne.

“You know they’re the same person, right?”

I don’t have time for your blasphemy, wench.

“Flirt.”

:shudders: Ugh. Getting back on the subject; in every canon version I know of, Bruce’s parents are gunned down in an alley outside a theatre (typically a movie theatre) and typically by some faceless goon. There are different versions; sometimes they’ve seen a play rather than a movie, or there is a deeper motivation behind the actions of the “faceless goon”, and sometimes he isn’t a faceless goon. In some versions it is at Bruce’s insistence that they leave early and this makes him feel especially guilty after his parents’ deaths. Given how many variations there are, telling me “his parents were killed by Aku’s henchmen” really doesn’t give me any useful information.

It was then that he dedicated his entire life to ridding the world of Aku’s evil.

“Just the one evil, then?”

That doesn’t sound like him at all.

So he became Batman and fought against Aku’s rule.

But why did he become Batman?

“You don’t know that? Damn. I could have sworn I stabbed you in the heart, not the brain.”

Smartass. Batman adopts the bat persona as a way of instilling fear in superstitious lowlifes; Aku wouldn’t be scared of bats or really anything else, so it wouldn’t make any sense for Bruce to develop this persona.

But over time he got old.

That’s kind of how it works, y’know.

“Unless you’re that Doctor Pronoun chap.”

… Who, the show is called Doctor Who.

He knew he would not be able to fight any more and looked for a successor. It did not take time for him to find Terry McGinnis.

Primarily because he didn’t find Terry, Terry more or less found him.

“Huh?”

Terry mouthed off to some members of this gang called the Jokerz, so they chased him down this road that just happened to run in front of stately Wayne Manor. Bruce ordered them all off his property, there may have also been some cane-shaking, and the Jokerz attacked them both. Much Jokerz ass was kicked, but Bruce’s heart condition flared up so Terry helped him into the house. While inside, he found the Batcave. Later, after his father was killed, Terry stole a high-tech Batsuit to get some sweet revenge.

“He fights random hoodlums and steals valuable shit from feeble old men? Already I like him better than that staid stick-in-the-mud you drool over.”

Yeah, their styles are very, very different. I like that the creators went a different direction rather than throwing together a Bruce clone.

With Terry by his side Bruce set out to form a resistance against Aku’s army.

Because if there’s one thing Batman excels at, it is playing well with others.

“That and collecting impressionable young men to dress in brightly colored outfits so they make better targets.”

Over time Bruce enlisted two of the world’s best scientists for aid.

“The cute German girl and that weird guy who smells like formalin?”

Sorry, I don’t think Bifocals and Goeth are in this fic.

With the help of Dexter they were able to build a machine that would allow them to go to other dimensions and enlist other warriors to their cause.

“These two scientists are jointly known as Dexter?”

It does kind of look like that’s the case. I’m not really sure which character named Dexter this is supposed to be; I assume it’s the main protagonist from Dexter’s Laboratory, but with nothing but a name to go on I can’t make that determination.

“I had an uncle named Dexter, you can picture him if you like.”

But I don’t know your uncle, how am I going to picture him as the double Dexter?

“I just happen to have a photo of him with me. Here you go;”

…I’m curious. Are there any normal people in your family?

“Define ‘normal’.”

Soon their resistance army grew to include characters such as Ben Tennyson, Snake-Eyes, Cole McGrath, Sora, and others.

“I have no idea who any of those characters are.”

I know who some of them are, and could Google the rest, but this trend of only name-dropping characters rather than describing them is getting ridiculous.

With another scientist Bruce began working on a separate project that not even Terry knew about.

That’s par for the course with Bruce, he likes to play things close to the vest.

“Is this scientist Dexter, or the other Dexter?”

Yes.

Over time Terry’s army did what they could but nothing they tried would destroy Aku.

It’s weird to think of Batman as the leader of an army. Like Bruce, Terry prefers to work with a minimal number of support personnel.

No, there was only one weapon in existence that could finally destroy Aku. A weapon that just so happened to be in the hands of Jack.

“I have a question.”

Oh, dear gods.

“I’ll ignore that outburst. Now, the sword this Jack carries, it is the only weapon that can destroy this Aku person, correct?”

According to the canon, yes.

“And Aku has the ability to travel to different dimensions, yes?”

Looks like. Or if he cannot travel to them he can at least interact with people from those dimensions.

“Then why not toss this Jack into an empty dimension?”

A what?

“I’ll try to use small words so you can follow along, dear. With access to an infinite number of dimensions, it is easy to find one where entropy has caused all matter to collapse inward into a super-dense mass and has left the majority of the dimension nothing but empty space.”

:Ghostie blinks:

“What?”

I’d almost be impressed if it wasn’t for the fact that you’re drinking dishwashing liquid through a crazy straw.

“You should try it; it’s like really thick lemonade.”

No, thanks; I’m good. Since that chapter was fairly short and pointless, let’s move on to the next one!

:Syl burps, emitting a trio of tiny bubbles:

Very lady-like.

“Since when have I ever claimed to be a lady?”

Whenever it suits you, usually when you feel insulted.

After making his way out of the Dome of Doom, Jack once again found himself walking through a desert.

Poor Jack; he’s always wandering through some desert or isolated forest.

“I like the name, though. Ooh! Can I re-name my quarters?”

No, you can’t … Wait, you have quarters?

“I’m borrowing a few floors no one visits.”

FLOORS?!? YOU HAVE FLOORS?!?!

“Oh, quit your bitching. It’s not like you’re going to run out of room here.”

It’s the principle of the thing.

:Syl makes a rude gesture:

Yet for some reason the desert heat in this particular one was hotter than any other he had experienced before.

But it’s a dry heat.

“This is what passes for humor in your dimension?”

For seven long days Jack walked.

“I hope he’s carrying a lot of water with him, or he will never make it to the seventh day.”

Jack has a touch of Stu in him; he can survive things that would kill most people.

Finally on the afternoon of the eighth day, Jack came across a city. Like all the other cities he had been to, this one was also very hi tech filled with stuff the likes of which Jack had never seen before.

Not all the cities Jack comes across are super-futuristic and crammed with technology.

“If he’s been in this dimension for a while, wouldn’t he be getting familiar with the tech? Only an idiot wouldn’t make use of what’s available to them.”

Like you’ve made use of my Netflix account?

“And I cracked your Amazon Prime password.”

WHAT?!?! :pulls up Amazon account: You rented Rocky Horror Picture Show twelve times? I HAVE THAT ON DVD!

“Yeah, but Jiwe was curled up in my lap and I didn’t want to get off the couch.”

All TWELVE times?

“He’s a cat; cats take a lot of naps.”

“Hm. I wonder what this place is called. Jack then noticed a sign a short distance away from him.

How convenient!

“Suspiciously so. I smell a trap.”

Funny, I smell … :sniff-sniff: My wild cherry bath salts that went missing three weeks ago?

“You have excellent taste in bathing products. Feel my skin, it’s like the finest silk.”

:Ghostie sighs and rubs her forehead:

In red letters he read “Welcome to Neo Gotham.” “Well I hope they have fried shrimp here.” Jack then walked into the city looking for the first restaurant he could find.

“If it’s like that other city in the desert, there will be a dozen all-you-can-eat restaurants within spitting distance.”

You’re thinking of Las Vegas; Gotham is a touch grittier.

On the other side of the world Aku was watching Jack through one of his portals. “Foolish samurai! He goes into New Gotham not knowing of the dangers that await him.

Without any references to place this in the canon timeline it’s hard to say exactly what Jack has faced, but he has gone up against an impressive array of foes over the course of the series. I don’t foresee him having that many difficulties in Gotham.

“I should probably give him this katana back, then.”

Could you maybe refrain from stealing any shiny object that catches your eye?

“I make no such promises.”

For Gotham in particular is one of the most dangerous cities on this planet I control. My robot guards are crawling all over the place and assassins have been dispersed to finally rid myself of this pest.”

How is that different from every other town he’s been in? And wouldn’t these assassins have followed Jack or go directly after him once they arrive in the city rather than wandering aimlessly around a random city waiting for Jack to stumble across them like they’re low level boss fights in a bad video game?

“That’s usually the case; assassins are paid by the hit, not the hour. Avoiding your target is counter-productive.”

Aku then sat in his throne of fire and pondered the situation. Even though he hated to admit it, everything he had sent against Jack in the past had all failed him miserably.

So very miserably, as evidenced by Jack’s continued existence.

“Every breath he draws is an insult to those who have failed to kill him.”

No, this time he would do something different. This time he would send not one but two people to kill him.

Sorry, but Aku has done that before. Several times. He’s even sent bigger groups after Jack.

“How’d it go?”

About like what you would expect; death, dismemberment, Jack triumphant.

And not just any two people, but two people from his elite army. Aku summoned a fire orb which had all the members of his army and scrolled through them.

“Are you sure this isn’t a video game?”

It does kind of have that vibe.

“Hm, perhaps Doctor Octopus. No his sword would cut easily through his arms.

“Why would this Doctor Octopus cut through his own arms?”

The author is very not good with pronouns.

Maybe that phantom boy who I corrupted. Ah-Ha! I got it!” Aku had selected his choice. Without even thinking he summoned them right in front of him.

“What the hell was that?”

A flashback to my youth.

One was clad in black and orange and covered in ammo.

A jack-o-lantern studded with bullets?

The other was wearing a bodysuit of advanced armor and carrying a blaster rifle.

“Thanks, that’s really helpful. It’s not as if there a hundreds of versions of body armor and blaster rifles.”

“Deathstroke, Boba Fett, you are two of my finest champions.

Wait a second… Those two were supposed to be Deathstroke and Boba Fett?

This is Deathstroke the Terminator, AKA the guy clad in orange and black and covered in ammo.

“I’m not seeing a lot of ammo. I think I see a sword, though.”

Compare that to the guy in the high-tech body armor, Boba Fett;

“The evil pumpkin’s armor looks far more advanced; most of what this Fett character is wearing looks like it is made of cloth.”

But he does have a blaster, so one point to the author.

You have worked together in the past and have never failed me. I bring you before me today to do one thing: destroy Samurai Jack!”

Really?

“You sound surprised.”

Deathstroke doesn’t play well with others, and I don’t know a lot about Boba Fett but I don’t think he’s the social type. Forcing these two to work together is a recipe for disaster.

“Hmm. And just where is the samurai, master?”

“He is currently in Gotham City. I will transport you there and he you will bring me his head.”

:Syl makes a noise like a wounded moose:

Damn. I didn’t even know humans could produce that sound.

“This is what assassins have been reduced to? Being coddled and pampered by their client?”

That’s a bit harsh, don’t you think?

:huffs: “It lacks professionalism.”

“Gotham? But what if Batman shows up? That is his turf after all.”

:Syl makes a noise like a dying moose:

Seriously, you have to warn me before you do that.

“Chicken-livered cowards! Must Aku wipe their arses for them, too?!?”

Aku stared at them for a while. “Bwa-haha! Foolish worries! I’m confident that the two of you combined will be able to take them down, should he show himself. Now go and do not fail me!” And with that Aku transported them right into New Gotham.

“Lazy, good for nothing, worthless excuses for assassins couldn’t find their arseholes with both hands and a flashlight.”

They could probably find him pretty easily, because that’s how these things work, but I doubt they will be able to do anything when they do. Unless the plot demands it, of course.

Boba Fett punched some numbers on his wrist gauntlet and immediately picked up Jack’s footprints which they used to track him.

Syl makes a noise like a dying moose choking on a pine cone:

:covers ears: You’re going to have to sit in the hall if you keep this up.

“He’s tracking his target’s footprints with the power of numbers?”

That does sound kind of far-fetched.

“It’s a giant fucking city! How would numbers locate one person’s footprints in a giant. FUCKING. CITY!?!”

Do I need to sedate you? Come to think of it, is it even possible sedate you? You seem impervious to most chemicals.

“Better sentients than you have tried and failed.”

It was not long before they found him at a noodle bar.

:double snort:

Oh, I can picture it now; Jack walks in, takes a stool and puts a foot up on the brass rail and orders a shot of udon.

“Better make it a double, he’s had a hard week of wandering through the desert.”

“Hard to believe that this one’s been causing so much trouble master Aku.”

:Syl makes a noise like a dying moose passing a pine cone:

:digs through desk drawer: Where are those noise-cancelling headphones? I could have sworn I put them in here.

“These two are meant to be high level operatives, yes?”

Their canon reputations for badassery are fairly substantial.

“If a client hires two high level operatives to eliminate a single target, then that target should be treated very carefully.”

“Never underestimate any opponent Fett. Remember what happened to your father?”

Hey, that’s kind of like what you just said!

“Minus that nonsense about Boba Fett’s father. I don’t even know anything about the man.”

And I bet that the author is just going to assume that the audience knows what this is referencing and won’t elaborate on the matter.

“That’s a sucker bet.” :hands Ghostie a round object the size of a bread plate:

What the hell is this?

“Sucker. Your kraken got a little too handsy.”

Ewww.

“Stinking Jedi got lucky. This samurai won’t get me so easily. I have my flamethrower set to crispy. Shall I jump out and fry him?”

“As expected, no further information about whatever the hell they were talking about.

Wait a second – flamethrower? Is he going to use a fucking flamethrower INSIDE?!?”

Maybe they’re flame-resistant, like me.

“You’re flame resistant?”

:nods: I’ve set myself on fire numerous times.

“Really? Prove it.”

What?!? Right now?

“Yep. Set yourself on fire, right now.” :crosses arms over chest: “I’ll wait.”

But … But … I don’t want to!

“Mmmm-hmmm.”

I really can!

“Sure you can.”

“No. We’ll need to approach this one differently. Stat here and wait for my command.”

“Sure I stay in the corner and you have all the fun.”

How is “dying in a flaming ball of death and bad choices” considered fun?

“Maybe it’ll be an imaginary ball of flaming death, like yours.”

I REALLY CAN DO IT!

:Syl lifts one eyebrow in response:

Deathstroke stealthily sneaked up on Jack who was eating his noodles.

:alarms blare:

“Oh, goody!” :claps hands repeatedly: “The cuties in the body armor are here!”

:Syl runs out into the hallway:

Syl being that happy cannot be a good sign. This will only end in tears.

He then unsheathed his sword and charged at him.

Thus ruining whatever element of surprise he was trying for.

Jack’s ears caught sound of the footsteps and got his sword up just in time to block.

I’m half-tempted to call bullshit on this, but Jack does have phenomenal reflexes and without knowing how loud this “noodle bar” is it could be possible that he picked up Deathstroke’s footsteps.

As soon as their blade clashed each warrior began using their might to push their swords closer to their opponents. It seemed like they were evenly matched.

I’m not trained in swordplay, but I really don’t think “push as hard as you can against the other person’s weapon” is the preferred method of attack.

:Syl returns, twirling a cracked riot helmet in her hands:

Dare I ask?

“You probably don’t want to know – but you are right about the swords. A long blade needs a minimum amount of room to move in to be effective. This little maneuver is knee-capping both fighters; Jack should have deflected the attack and retreated to a better working distance, or Deathstroke should have called in his slacker buddy with the blowtorch to finish the job.”

Flamethrower, not a blowtorch.

“Sorry, I’m not an expert in fire like you.”

“Who are you? Another of Aku’s Bounty hunters?”

“Is it normal for random people to attack each other without reason in this universe?”

Not really, no. Usually if someone is attacking Jack, it’s Aku’s fault in some way.

“No. I’ m in a different league then the others you faced.” Deathstroke then kicked Jack in the stomach and disengaged from him.

:snorts: “Yeah, the minor leagues.”

“Fett! Now!” Boba Fett leaped out and fired his flamethrower at Jack which he narrowly avoided. The fire was at a relatively high temperature as Jack could feel the heat even from this distance.

:Syl and Ghostie look at each other:

Jack should be on fire right now, right? Even if he dodged the direct blast, fire has a significant area of effect.

“If the blast was hot enough that Jack can still feel it at whatever distance he’s now at, then half the noodle bar should be in flames – as well as whatever customers are still inside.”

Now that you mention it, Jack and the two bounty hunters are the only known occupants. This “noodle bar” must have terrible reviews on Yelp.

Then Jack looked up and saw Deathstroke coming down on him.

Ewww.

:Syl giggles:

Deathstroke slashed his sword and was able to cut Jack’s kimono twice.

With one slash?

“Must have lost his nerve and hesitated mid-swing. That’s just sloppy.”

Jack felt the pain of the sword attack spread across his body but simply picked himself up and ripped off the top of his uniform. Jack then regained his balance and got in a fighting position.

Attacks? There was just one swipe!

:Syl passes Ghostie a bowl of popcorn: “Shhhhh. Just enjoy the man-candy.”

I don’t think he’s quite that naked, but still … Man-candy.

“Even you are no match for our combined powers, samurai. Give up now and spare yourself the humiliating defeat.”

:snort: Yeah, like that ever works.

“He’s practically insured his inevitable defeat.”

Jack didn’t respond and simply fixed an intense glare at his two adversaries.

“Suit yourself.”

:fans self: “I like the strong, silent type. He have a significant other?”

Actually, no. Jack’s not really paired up with any enduring romantic interests in the series.

“Really? How interesting.”

:Ghostie headdesks:

Just as Deathstroke began to charge again, a series of smoke bombs descended from the air and covered the air with a thick mist.

:alarms blare:

:passes bowl over to Ghostie: “Hold this for a second, would you?”

:Syl walks over to the door and attempts to open it, but finds that it won’t budge:

“What’s wrong with your door?”

That’s weird, it should be fully operational… :checks monitors: Huh. It looks like a troop of DRD agents are holding it shut from the other side.

“Party poopers.”

This stopped Deathstroke’s attack as he and Boba were stuck trying to pull themselves together.

“Smoke. The fucking smoke is making them lose their shit. They pulled Jack’s footprints out of thin fucking air with nothing but numbers but fucking smoke is too much for them to handle?!?”

:Ghostie discreetly begins looking for a hiding place:

While this was going on, an arm pulled him out of the fog.

Are we supposed to know which “he” this is? All three of these characters are male.

“And the fucking smoke turned into fucking fog!”

:Ghostie begins sliding under the desk:

“The hell are you doing?”

Nothing! Just … Checking for gum deposits.

Jack couldn’t see the face but he heard a voice saying “Come with me if you want to live.”

Did this arm also possess a thick Austrian accent?

“Huh?”

I guess you haven’t gotten that far in the Library’s DVD collection yet.

Boba Fett activated his flamethrower and used it to clear the smoke. When it was gone so was Jack.

The flamethrower, that he’s been using to set things on fire, is now able to clear away smoke?

“Has this person ever even heard of fire before?”

“This is not good.”

Fire bad.

“Yes, he is very bad at fire.”

Jack followed the mysterious figure until they reached a mansion overlooking a cliff.

“How did they get to a cliff? Were they anywhere near it before?”

:shrugs: I dunno.

“Some help you are.”

If I had more information I could tell you, but this fic is one of the most barebones fics I’ve read in a long time.

“Where exactly are we?”

“You’ll know soon enough.”

Let me help you there; here :points: is some Formless Void. And over there :points: is yet more Formless Void!

“And way over there :points: is a flaming noodle bar.”

They entered the mansion and made their way to the library. The mystery man walked over to the bookcase and pulled out a security panel. After entering in a code the bookcase turned to reveal a secret passageway.

“Mystery Man goes to the trouble of hiding the secret passage with a bookcase, but has a clearly visible security panel that only requires a simple code to operate? This is horrible security.”

And if the author is using the animated series’ canon, it’s in the wrong place. The secret passage to the Batcave is hidden in a grandfather clock, not a bookcase.

“Enter and I’ll answer any question you have.”

:Syl raises her hand:

No, Syl.

“But I have questions!”

Jack hesitated at first. Could he trust this man?

“Oh, sweetheart. When a strange man takes you in an unexpected manner and transports you to a place you’ve never been before, that is not the moment to be questioning your decisions. That moment has passed.”

Why does it sound so dirty when you put it that way?

After all he had saved his life.

That’s debatable; Aku has thrown a number of disreputable people at Jack, and offers a large enough reward for the samurai’s head that a number of freelancers have taken a swipe at him, and he’s always managed to escape them.

“If they are all as incompetent as these two, then that’s understandable.”

He decided to trust him and walked into the secret passageway. He followed a series of stairs that led him downwards into the ground.

:alarms blare:

:a high-pitched screech, like metal on metal, filters through the door:

What the hell is that sound?

:Ghostie walks over to the door as a series of small metal spikes erupts from the surface:

What on earth … Are these screws? They’re boarding up the door! :looks at Syl: What did you do?!?

“What drama queens. I was just teasing them.”

:a red-hot slug of metal punches through the door:

THEY’RE RIVETING IT SHUT, YOU IDIOT!

:sighs: “Okay, fine. I’ll take care of it.”

:Syl vanishes:

… What just happened?

:the door opens with a tremendous clank:

“There, are you happy?”

But … :looks into the empty hall: I don’t understand.

“I told you; I took care of it.”

I’m torn between wanting to satisfy my natural curiosity, and never wanting to know what just happened.

“I’d go with the second one.”

Eventually he reached what looked a giant cave with a bunch of hi tech equipment sprawled all over it.

That is one of the oddest descriptions of the Batcave that I’ve ever seen.

“Input me like one of your French subroutines, Jack!”

I actually have a graphic that is relevant!

“Why would you show me something like that?”

You’re the one that brought it up!

Waiting for him he saw five figures: three young men who looked like they were still in their teens, a young man wearing a yellow and black jumpsuit, and a man garbed entirely in black and with a visor.

That’s some of the least helpful character descriptions I’ve ever seen. They could be anyone.

“A bumblebee cosplayer and one of those guys from Daft Punk.”

… Sure, that works.

“What is this place?”

“Still waiting to find that out ourselves.”

I assume they’re in stately Wayne Manor, but again – no solid descriptions of anything.

Jack’s savior then joined him downstairs. Jack got his first good glance at him: he was garbed entirely in black armor with a red symbol across the chest. Jack instantly recognized the symbol as a bat.

Jack’s been following this man around like a puppy and he’s just now noticed what the other guy was wearing?

“He could have had his eyes closed.”

The entire time?

:shrugs: “Would explain a lot.”

“The resistance.”

Is equal to the voltage divided by the current?

“The hell are you talking about?”

:sighs: Trust me, to a certain segment of the population that was funny.

:dubious: “If you say so.”

That’s it for this week, Patrons! See you next time!

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