821: Subject 23 – Chapter 6

Title: Subject 23
Author: The Eezoman
Media: Videogame
Topic: Mass Effect
Genre: Adventure/Romance
URL:  Chapter 6
Critiqued by Erttheking

E: Well we haven’t had you up front in some time.

G: Still no progress with Stupard.

E: I’m starting to think that I was way too optimistic in thinking that we could redeem him. I mean, he was based off of the man who subjugated an entire galaxy.

N: I’ll go out back and do the deed if you think we’re out of options. I’m still a tough old bitch inside, I can take it.

E:…End of the review. End of the review we’ll do it.

N: *Cocks pistol* I know it’s hard Ert, but we gotta do this.

E: I know. It doesn’t make me feel any better though. I thought I was helping him, but I put us all at risk.

N: Ert, don’t be so melodramatic, he had his ring taken away and we have a grand total of five ring users. Six if we count your unstable one. We could’ve had him on the ground in two second if he tried anything.  Still, he is a threat.  Practically no one besides us can stop him.  If he gets loose, he could hurt a lot of people and we can’t let that happen.  And we can’t keep an eye on him forever.

G: Let’s just tear the shit out of some shitty fanfiction. Pay homage to Stupard’s soon to be over life.

E: Ok…

N: There was a chapter that was basically a chapter’s note, but we’re going to skip it since half of it is replying to reviews that we are incapable of tracking down for some reason. We start with an author’s note.

Just some relaxed dialogue.

N: There is a stand off in this chapter. That is not what I would call relaxed.

I’m not quite sure where to take the story next,

E: That is never a good sign. It doesn’t help that he already admitted to rushing his writing. I mean, really, how many classic books were rushed out? What classic story was written in, oh I don’t know, nine days? Name one! A damn good book! One of the best ever written and it happened in nine days!

E:…Name two!

but it will definitely feature some Tali/23 talking. I was thinking i would write a relationship chapter. Not just with 23, but also advancing other romance stories in the plot.

N: Ugh. Look, I like a good romance as much as the next person, I’m in the middle of a very complicated three way.

W: Oh myyyyyyyyyyyyyy

N: GET BACK TO GUARD DUTY! Point is, I understand the importance of ones love life. The thing is, there’s more to people that who they’re screwing. You have to show the characters as human beings before you can show them as lovers. This story isn’t. And when it does it shows its characters as horrible people.

Hope you guys like it. Sorry it took so long to upload, today was hectic. Full of good sushi and crazy dogs. (Don’t ask)

E: Don’t worry, weren’t going to

Have fun reading!

G: We will. *Revs chainsaw* Not in the way you were expecting though.

Armor comes in Many Forms

The shuttle ride was almost over. They had cleared the atmosphere in minutes, and were on their way to the Normandy. The quarian crew that had escaped in the Kodiak were going to be sent over to their own ship when the specialists were dropped off. Shepard also hoped to send some supplies with them. She almost felt the need to aid anyone who needed it.

N: Quick question, where the Hell IS this ship? In the game, the Quarian ship was on the planet’s surface, but in this story they had shuttles, meaning they took them down from a bigger ship. The only place the ship could be if they had taken shuttles down would be orbit. Which has dozens of Geth warships in it. The Quarian ship would’ve been blown to Hell.

And the quarians needed all the help they could.

Garrus and 23 had finished their joking, and both were standing next to each other silently, the former scraping some dirt off his sniper rifle. 23 looked tired, armor gone. His basic clothing were the only things offering protection.

G: His normal clothing that looks like mumble mumble mumble. Speaking of which, I don’t think he’s changed clothes since he got on the Normandy with the 24/7 armor. He must reek.

Currently, his head was in his hands, headache apparent. The cramped shuttle was hectic, quarian soldiers admiring the benign superior accents that so casually adorned the shuttle.

E: I have no idea what the fuck that is supposed to mean. Are the Quarians in awe of the superior voices of the mighty human race? Kinda hypocritical for a story heavy on Cerberus bashing.

Along the sides of the crowd, Tali stood, holding a safety rope dangling from above.

N: You’d think a start of the art shuttle would have more advanced safety equipment than something you’d expect on the subway.

She glanced over at Shepard, who was casually talking to Reegar about fights or something of that caliber. Tali glanced back at Garrus and 23, questioning the friendship. Apparently when 23 was released, he had attacked the old turian. When questioned about it, Garrus told her that 23 had come down to the gun batteries on his own accord, apologizing for taking him hostage.

G: This is starting to sound like Stockholm syndrome. We still haven’t even figured out why 23 attacked Garrus. He just did. Even though 23 knew who he was.

The two had become fast friends, talking of guns and previous kills that they had marked as impressive. Originally Garrus had considered 23 inadequate with firearms, but that was the case. 23 pointed out that while he didn’t enjoy using them, he could, and would probably reach a point when he would need to.

E: Because apparently all you need to do to become friends is talk about one thing you have a common interest with. Also, SHOW DON’T FUCKING TELL! You cannot say that two main characters are friends due to events that happened off screen! ESPECIALLY when there is a lot of on screen evidence as to why they shouldn’t be.

N: Also 23 enjoys using guns? Why is this relevant?

At the moment, Tali wasn’t particularly concerned with that. 23 had proven his ability to fight. Right now she was debating whether or not to go over and thank him, something she had previously forgotten to do. She mentally kicked herself for such neglect. The shuttle was almost at the Normandy. She had to do this. It was the polite thing to do.

G: Yes, how dare she focus more on surviving and the sheer relief that she did so.

She crossed the crowded shuttle to 23, who was still nursing his head. He looked up, eyes betraying no emotion. She didn’t know what to say. Was he angry? Sad? What was his neutral expression? She had no previous basis. Suddenly, she viewed an eyebrow raising. It hit her like a ton of bricks. She was just standing there, staring at him. She spoke, out of embarrassment if nothing else.

“Um…hello. H-how are you?”

23 turned, eyebrow still slightly raised, his hand resting on the side of his head.

“I’ve….been better. You?”

“I’m fine. I….” She figured she should lead up to a thank you. She was going to be on the ship for a while, and she wanted to leave a good impression. She would get to the thank you.

E: Oh boy. Incredably akward talks that involves around the main characters constantly having a bad case of foot in mouth. It’s not impossible to do well, but it’s very hard. Though it will be nice to maybe see 23 have more humanizing moments and-

“I just wanted to say how amazing that was. I mean, you destroyed those Geth! I’ve never seen anything like it!”

N: Funny. Even when they’re supposed to be starting a sweet romance, the story needs to stop to a grinding halt so that it can jerk off 23 and tell us how awesome it is.

23 let out a quiet chuckle. Tali just cocked her head to the side.

“What’s so funny?”

23 looked down, his eyes meeting hers. The intensity behind those orbs was almost tangible. –Keelah-

he spoke, eyes focused softly.

“Nothing. You just sound…awed.”

She crossed her arms.

“Odd?” She spoke with an almost clipped manner. 23’s eyes widened, fearing she thought he had insulted her.

G: Tali has a translator that would convert the audio from a human language to a Quarian one. It is very unlikely that odd and awed would be similar in those languages.

E: And even if it was, this “Comedy” is really painful. And not funny. And those are the two major sins when it comes to comedy.

“No, not odd, as in strange, but rather as in astonished.” She stared at him. He was starting to talk a little faster. “I mean, you didn’t sound…I dunno, childish? Fuck, I mean, you just…” He just stood there. Tali was waiting for it.

It didn’t come.

“Sorry. My head is hurting, and I sound incredibly mean or stupid.” Tali smiled. She didn’t think he was trying to be so mean. Just like she wasn’t trying to always be shy. Just one of those things.

N: Pft. I love that. He’s not trying to be an asshole, he just sorta is.

“It’s alright. I just wanted to come over here to than—” She didn’t finish.

23 dropped, falling like a rock, backwards. Garrus turned, eyes surprised. He caught the soldier, and noticed he was shaking violently.

“Shepard! We need some help over here!”

Alicia came running over. While the quarian soldiers moved to the side to offer room, Garrus laid 23 on the floor, still shaking. Tali tried to do something, anything. She check his pulse.

He had none.

E: Yeah, we WISH we got off that easy.

Garrus was stunned. Just minutes ago, 23 was fine. He had a headache, but most people would normally have small pains after a battle. Shepard arrived, doing anything she could. She turned, yelling to the front cabin.

“Pilot, how far are we from the Normandy?”

we just crossed the threshold, Commander!”

G: And what does that mean? Are they in the hanger? Are they getting close? That’s not very helpful

Shepard turned to 23. Without warning, his eyes shot open. They searched the Kodiak, resting on Alicia. He spoke in a pained tone.

“Shepard…T-told you. M-m-metaphor, cabin. Box. Re-remember?”

Alicia thought back to when 23 had come up to her cabin, describing his abilities.”

“I remember. What’s happening? Why don’t you have a pulse?”

23 laughed. It was cut short by his gasps of pain, however. “Dying. Don’t worry. Usually happens. Dropped box. H-have to pick it up again…” He grabbed Shepard’s arm tightly, making a point.

N: I didn’t even remember what the explanation was because it was so half assed, so lets just say he has the disease that every over the top soap opera lead comes down with. “Forced drama”

“Out of commission f-for a while. Unprotected. Mir-Miranda will kill me. Shepard.”

His shaking stops, his eyes focus intensely on Alicia.

“No-no armor. Gone. Comes back after d-deliquesces. Explain later. D-don’t let her near me.” His voice now deathly low, he leans into Shepard’s ear.

“Please”

He drops.

E: We’ve been over this already.

Everyone in the shuttle stands, unsure of what to do. Shepard speaks up.

“Attention, our crewmember is ill. We need help transporting him to a….”

She stops, and turns to glance at 23.

“A secure area.”

G: I think that they could’ve deduced that. It’s not like their conversation was subtle.

They all nod, and the door to the shuttle opens. They exit, various quarian crewmen carrying 23 gently. They all had come to respect the frozen soldier. After all, it was his appearance that had saved them all. Tali lead the way, hoping to get 23 up to the med bay. What she saw next was rather unpleasant, however.

In front of her and Garrus, stood four Normandy crewmen with rifles. In the center, Miranda stood. She walked forward briskly. Shepard frowned and walked to meet her. She spoke first.

“Miranda, what the hell is this?”

Miranda smiled, and ordered the four soldiers to stand behind her.

E: Oh God this hurts already.

“I brought some backup in case the soldiers got a little rowdy.”

Tali stared, disgust building behind her mask. This was the infamous woman who had turned 23 into what he was.

N: How do you even KNOW about that? You’ve known 23 for a grand total of one hour, how do you know what happened to him? All that was said in the last chapter was that 23 was a Cerberus experiment. Granted in the shuttle 23 said Miranda would kill him, but he never said anything about Miranda being the one who experimented on him. This story is in such a rush to bash Miranda that it throws its own logic and continuity out the window just so a few more insults can be thrown at her.

The Quarians holding 23 looked at one another, small amounts of anger slipping into their posture. They were Migrant Fleet Marines, not small rambunctious children. The idea they needed to be watched was a slap in the face. Miranda continued.

“I heard what happened to 23 on the shuttle.”

G: Considering that happened approximately twenty seconds ago, I calculated that Miranda is a time traveler considering that there is not physical way that she could have organized a team and gotten to the hanger in that time frame otherwise. Well, there’s one other explanation.

Shepard turned, looking back at the fallen soldier. ‘Do you know what’s wrong with him?”

Miranda smirked. “Yes. When we modified 23, we realized that we couldn’t make him invincible,

E: Goeth.

G: One second. *Shuffles through papers* Miranda’s a slut, Kelly is girly, Garrus is haha…ah here we go. Quote from Miranda in the first chapter.

At that point, we will drop you on an alien planet, and you will go forward, on a killing rampage, while unstoppable

E: Now correct me if I’m wrong, but if you’re unstoppable you’re pretty much invincible right? Can this story please pick a narrative angle and stick with it?

ust in case he went after humans who lived in the colonies. What he is currently experiencing is a severe energy lack.”

N: That doesn’t sound like a proper term.

G: That’s because it isn’t.

Shepard stared. Miranda sighed and continued.

“You see, 23 was special. All previous genetic manipulation was unsuccessful. What happened was the soldiers we used would turn powerful, but drain of energy quickly. Instead of simply draining their powers, the genetic manipulation would then allow for them to use their own bodies to channel the energy flow. This killed them, however. Their makeup couldn’t regenerate the energy to control water. It didn’t matter if they weren’t doing anything, the problem was the ability to control it. They couldn’t turn off what we gave them, and the need for energy to run their system drained the water. When it did this, they started to use their own physical energy. All previous test subjects died. When we found 23 though, we got luckier than we could have ever hoped for.”

She walked around 23, surveying him with a rather unsettling look.

“23 somehow contains genetic traits that were lost hundreds of years ago. Those traits allow him to end the water control ability when his energy is drained. Instead of being consumed by his ability, he can shut it off, like a emergency water valve. When he does start to tire out, he can simply recharge his energy by condensing more water. When he reaches zero however, he cannot do this consciously. He is in a hibernation period, until he has gathered enough water to start his system back up again. Usually he would regenerate with armor on, so no harm could come to him while he slept. He didn’t have any energy left to protect himself this time.”

E:…Did anyone read that whole thing? No? Me either. I had to say, if you’re going to come up with a bunch of horse shit powers and then explain them, at least try to give SOME scientific basis. Don’t just say “His energy can control water because genes” Jesus Christ. STEPHANIE MEYER explained her science more than this. Her science was bullshit, but at least she tried to explain it. This story just uses really vague terms like energy and control.

She smiles, and turns back to Shepard.

“I’ll alert Cerberus to send a shuttle. They’ll happily pick him up. We can start up the project again, now that we have our experiment.”

N: Eezoman, are you under the impression that Miranda is stupid? Do you really think she would be able to just walk up to someone like Shepard and be able to do something she is morally against? I mean, I know Shepard is a shitty leader but the author’s pet stu is in danger, this is going to be one of the three moments where everyone is competent. And yeah, she brought guards, but here’s the thing. Shepard’s ground team was of five people combined, so Miranda was evenly numbered, but outgunned because all of Shepard’s soldiers were highly trained operatives. And that was BEFORE they had the Quarians of bolster their numbers. In short, Miranda is being suicidally overconfident here, and Miranda is not this stupid!

Garrus’s grip on his gun had tightened. This woman, was evil.

E: THANK YOU FOR FUCKING SPELLING IT OUT FOR US! WE NEVER COULD”VE GUESSED ON OUR OWN!

His friend wasn’t even ten minutes asleep and here she was, planning on sending him back to the place of his nightmares to continue working on a project that would end in millions of deaths. If Shepard didn’t stop her, he’d shoot her himself.

G: You know, something about all of this reeks of desperation. Someone desperately trying to prove a point, hoping that if he shouts it over and over again it will become reality and he will not have to shatter his own delusions.

N: Sounds right. After all, what is one believes and preaches lies but one who cannot handle the truth? Dear God I’m never talking like that again.

Tali was ready to jump at this woman. She knew that there could be more to the story. Multiple opinions, different views, maybe Miranda understood something she didn’t.

E: YES! That is right!

It didn’t matter.

E: Oh fuck off.

However, Shepard spoke first. She collected her thoughts, and gave Miranda the same look most people associate with looking at a war criminal. She spoke.

“He isn’t leaving this ship. He saved Tali, he saved the Quarians, hell, he might have even saved us. You aren’t taking him. Do you understand that?”

Miranda stared. No words were used, only looks. Finally:

“Fine. Have it your way.”

N: Wait really? Huh. That was pretty anticlimactic

Miranda pulled out her pistol, aiming at 23’s head.

“I should have done this a long time ago. Your right Shepard, he’s too dangerous.”

E: She didn’t say that. But don’t let that get in the way of this story’s Miranda bashing. She’s a bitch, have her say and do all sorts of things no matter how little sense they make or how suicidal they are.

Tali should have thought first. Should have known what type of woman Miranda was. Honestly, she didn’t care. This woman was about to shoot the man who had single-handedly saved her life. She was NOT going to let him die. She steps in front of Miranda’s already loaded gun, separating her and 23 from each other. Miranda’s eyes widen, but she only activates the laser sight.

G: I was under the impression that all of the other Quarians on the planet had been defending her with their lives.

N: The story didn’t want her to fuck any of them, so it didn’t count.

G: This is why I don’t partake in sex. Among other reasons.

E: I never asked, what were they?

G: The fluids among other things. They make me feel uncomfortable.

“Get out of my way Quarian. He doesn’t deserve to live.”

Tali almost explodes with anger.

“Put that gun down. He has just as much right to live as anyone here! More than you at the very least.”

N: Yes, more right than you person I just met!

E: Actually, she should have met Miranda on Freedom’s Progress.

G: Oh, so the story missed that she should already know who Miranda is.

N: Either way it fucks up.

The other Quarians softly put 23 down and pulled out various weapons. Tali still had her set on the shuttle, whereas the marines had their full set. Various guns were aimed at Miranda’s head, the sound of heat coils firing up filling the hangar.

Miranda turns, patiently waiting for her support. Nothing happens.

“Dammit, if you four don’t get your guns out and cover these soldiers, I’ll find someone who will.”

N: Are you going to politely ask everyone to stay where they are while you go get reinforcements?

The four crewmen resentfully pulled out their weapons, aiming at the quarians just below the leg. All four were horrified that Miranda had planned to kill 23. They were good friends of the guy.

E: SHOW! DON’T! FUCKING! TELL! Why? Why do they like him? Name one likable thing about the guy! He cleans up messes he caused, apologizes for threatening to murder people and bullies the XO of the ship and makes it so that people don’t have to fulfill their responsibilities. Is that really a person to call friend? Because if you consider that person a friend, you’re probably a douchebag. One of those stereotypical dudebro douchebags to be specific.

Hadley, who was standing on the end of the group spoke up in a monotone voice.

“Oh no. Please. Don’t shoot her. We will have to retaliate by missing your armored feet.”

E:………

N:……..

G:……..

E: The fuck does that mean? No seriously! What in the name of Armory Jesus and his father, our Lord, John Freeman does that mean!? Missing her armored feet? I’m guessing it’s trying to insult Miranda for her outfit-

N: Because we don’t have enough of that from this author

E: But it makes no fucking sense! Are they calling her high heels tacky? Are they threatening to shoot her in the foot? Are they calling her a slut? I’m honestly completely lost here!

G: Maybe it’s more rational in another language. Sometimes things get lost across the language barrier.

Miranda turned, eyes wide. Did he actually just say that?

N: Yeah, he did. Any chance you could decode it for us?

The Quarian marines stared, a few quietly chuckling. They turned back to Miranda, guns loaded to their extent.

Garrus was howling, despite the current situation. Oh gods, he was going to buy Hadley a drink later. That was perfect. Garrus tagged this memory under “Absolutely Hilarious” in his mind.

Tali was too busy trying to cover 23 as much as possible to laugh. Miranda turned back, anger apparent. Obviously she would not be getting much support from the four “security” soldiers she brought down, as they were busy laughing their armored asses off.

E: Wait, it was a joke? Huh, I guess it was.

N: Also that “Absoultly Hilarious” thing reminds me a lot of when Joker said “Epic Fail” in From Another World. In that it felt so crowbared in that I wanted to surgically remove my appendix with a sharpened pen to take my mind of it.

Shepard was split. She couldn’t decide to shoot Miranda, or just punch her.

E: NEEHHH! WHAT DO!? Here’s an idea, if a person is pointing a gun at someone, you do not run up to them and punch them. VERY FUCKING BASIC CONCEPT!

(Shepard the Shitty Leader Counter: 10)

What caught her peripheral vision however, allowed her to relax. The situation would be taken care of.

N: And that would be?

“Now Ms. Zorah, are you going to move, or do I have to kill two recruits today?” Before Tali could respond, the loud shouting of an apparently angry female was heard.

“WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?”

Everyone turned to see a bald woman casually walking up to Miranda. She turned, eyes wide. “Jack, I don’t see how this concerns you in the sligh—”

WHACK!

G: You know, not that I disapprove, but I was under the impression that Jane could not decide whether to hit her or not. She seems on board with Jack doing the hitting though.

N: Also who the fuck screams at the top of their voices while walking casually?

Miranda fell. Blood pouring out of a newly formed gash on her nose. Jack had taken the renegade option for the situation,

which involved pistol whipping the target. Those that previously experienced it, have claimed it hurt.

A lot.

E: Welp, Miranda’s dead. A pistol whip to the head can crack the skull. So if Jane wanted her dead, she could’ve just shot her, leaving me to believe that Jane wanted her alive, therefore the dumbs bimbo thought that this was the best way to incapacitate her, letting a psychotic and mentally unstable super soldier handle the situation. Seriously, do concussive rounds just not exist in this world?

N: Speaking of which, Jack has been pistol whipping other crew members? Christ, is Shepard doing ANYTHING to keep people in line here?

(Shepard the Shitty Leader Counter: 11)

Tali turned, eyes wide. Jack casually regarded her. “Good job. That fucking bitch tries to mess with the snowman, I might have to do his job for him.” She held out her hand. “Jack.”

Tali took the hand, which shook roughly.

“Tali’Zorah.”

Jack turned, eyeing Miranda. Once she was sure the operative was unconscious,

G: And most likely suffering from a concussion that could easily kill her. *Comps on popcorn* Yet another writer who cannot science. Then again this story has this pretender evil scientist.

she turned, looking hard at the quarian in front of her.

“What the hell did he do that has you jumping in front of guns for him? You guys fuck once?”

Tali felt as though her face had caught fire. She could hear Garrus beating his fist on the ground off to her left, she even say Shepard smirking a few feet away, and she was even more sure that the quarians behind her were wondering just what had possessed Their fearless Quarian researcher to protect the man lying unconscious.

E: Oh goody “Comedy”. I thought 23’s life was in danger two seconds ago. Why are we trying to go all LOL LOL LOL LOL right now?

N: Because keeping a consistent tone is REALLY REALLY HARD! Also, stop trying to constantly describe your characters in the narration, it’s really fucking annoying.

“He saved my life. I owed him.”

Shepard noticed that Tali’s voice came through heavily accented.

-Funny. She only talks like that when she’s embarrassed-

E: DUUUUUUUUUUH! DOES SHE LIKE 23!?

Shepard remembered this from the original Normandy, when during a game of Skyllian five, Wrex started to bring up old quarian mating rituals he had heard of during his travels. Tali had been emotionally shut down, a mixture of curiosity and revulsion eating away at her. She eventually did ask if she could take notes, which merited a monstrous laugh from the giant krogan.

However, now she was doing it while defending her actions. She obviously had invested some amount of emotion into the move. Jack didn’t notice, however.

N: Well, that was relevant.

“Whatever. Let’s move him somewhere safe.”

Tali nodded, turning to Shepard.

“I’m going with her. I haven’t had the chance to thank him for what he did.”

E: You had the chance You just spent it talking about how awesome he was.

Alicia nodded, smiling at the same time. Tali couldn’t tell what had Shepard and Garrus so giggly. The turian in question picked himself off the floor.

“I’ll fly the marines over to their ship.”

As he finished, he walked over to Shepard and started discussing what supplies to send. For Tali, this was goodbye to her fellow quarians for now. She said her goodbyes, and after receiving many a

“Good luck!”, she turned to Jack, who was quietly standing next to 23. Tali spoke to the woman.

G: It appears the end of that sentence disappeared into the space time continuum via wormhole.

“Now, where are we taking him?”

Jack grinned, slumped down and picked up 23’s torso. Tali helped with the legs as they carried him over to the elevator. They fit inside, and Jack spoke.

“There’s a thief on the third deck. From what I can tell, you two will get along fine. She’s fucking annoying, but useful.”

N: Oh God, we’re falling back into My Little Fallout’s habit of people not actually answering questions.

Tali nodded silently. How strange her day went. This morning she woke up, did her research, hid in the observatory, almost died, and then saved.

-Keelah, not just once, either-

E: And then saved? Author. Learn to grammar.

Tali was curious about something, though. She turned.

“Why are you helping him?I’ve heard about you. You’re not usually one to care for people.”

N: This is the first time I’ve ever met you but I know this because reasons.

Jack turned, anger on her face. Tali was worried that she had said something offensive, when the woman opposite her started talking.

“He…helped me with some things.”

E: Oh FUCK YOU! 23 is a magical therapist now? Then how come he can’t undo his own massive psychological problems? In fact, let’s just get this out of the way.

(Gary Stu Counter: 24).

-The Normandy, in transit to Haestrom-

Quiet, dull and dark.

Home.

Jack relaxed, gun in hand, just in case anything happened. She sat quietly, thinking. So much fucked up shit. Somehow she always went back to Teltin. It was the only thing she really knew, outside of killing. Even then the two things were linked. Fuck, she was messed up. God, she wouldn’t even know. She didn’t have anything to compare to. Maybe she should just go apeshit and kill every last fucker on the ship.

N: That’s totally how Jack’s mind works

No. Shepard helped her. Not the right thing to do.

E: She helped her by doing things we will never describe, so fuck you.

Wait…She could hear something. Footsteps. Her gun comes out, and she points towards the noise. 23 appears out of the dark, eyes glistening in the low light.

“Why the fuck would anyone want to sleep down here?”

Jack views him, and slowly lowers the gun. He might be a threat, but then again, he’s been through similar shit.

E: So did Aresh, and you wanted to put a fucking bullet in his head. Jack does not give a SHIT if someone has been through hard times. Her top concern is watching out for herself.  She murdered other children in the facility that she was in because it was them or her.

-Still don’t trust the bitch-

G: You know, call me crazy, I don’t think this story likes Miranda

“What the hell do you want? Get out before I snap you in half, popsicle.”

23 laughed. He sat opposite to Jack. A look of pure rage passed on her face.

“I said GET THE FUCK OUT.”

23 just leans forward, eyes waiting expectantly. Jack pulls the gun on him.

“You have one more second before I shoot you and pull what’s left apart with my bare hands!” 23 spoke.

“Put the gun down. Relax. I just wanted to talk to a fellow screw-up.”

E: Invades her privacy, insults her, and pays no attention to her multiple demands that she leave. Yeah, this isn’t how you fucking cause someone to have an emotional and mental breakthrough.

Jack stands, ready. A few seconds pass. Why didn’t she shoot him? He was fucking asking for it.

–screw it. I can always kill him later-

She sits, gun still in hand. “If you wanna fuck with me, go for it. One more reason to blow you out of the side of a ship.”

N: What? She’s ok with having sex with him but she says it’ll give her another reason to kill him…the sentences in this chapter just don’t make sense.

E:  Either that or it’s a different kind of blow. *Whack* Ow.

23 cocked his head sideways. “You realize we’re practically family right?”

“Call me whatever you want, but we aren’t family.”

23 leans back slightly. “We’ve been through the worst of the worst. The only difference between us is that I trust people. You don’t.”

G: Hehehehehehe. Yeah, because my children were all family because they had been through similar experiments. Lets ignore that I had to shoot them up with twelve different kinds of drugs to keep them from ripping each other apart.

Jack laughed, cold and hard. “Damn straight. That’s the reason you’re going to be dead a hell of a lot sooner than me.”

23 chuckled. “Jack, do you have a purpose? Why do you do what you do?”

Jack would be lying if she said the question didn’t throw her off. “My purpose is to survive. I do what I want because I fucking can.” She turned, trying to look like she was ignoring him. 23 didn’t care.

“I say that, because your almost the exact same way I was when I got out of the Cerberus ship. Reckless, impulsive.” He raises his eyebrow.

“…Crazy”

E: Says the guy who’s mission in life is to rip a woman’s head off.

She turned. “Who the fuck are you calling crazy?” 23 pointed at her. Before she could speak, yell, whatever, he stood.

N: Yeah, how the fuck did you think this was going to end 23? If you want to “Help” Jack, STOP FUCKING BELITTLING HER!

“Jack, the only difference between you and me, is that I found a few people who helped me step away from all of that. I know you don’t trust anyone. Ever. But honestly, your not helping yourself by doing that. The more you push away contact, the harder it is to get it back. There isn’t a real reason to life if you can’t feel anything anymore.”

Jack was pissed. She was going to FUCK THIS CLOWN UP. No one talked to her like that.

G: This will be fun!

But, she didn’t.

G: Tease.

“Shut the fuck up. Get out.”

E: Well, you’re a fucking failure 23. Next time leave playing therapist to an actual therapist.

Her voice cracks. In just minutes, she had gone from cool and calm to emotionally confused. Not many people lived when she was in this state. 23 started to walk away. He turned back to face her.

“You can trust me Jack. I know you probably won’t, but if it helps, I trust you. Always.”

N:…Why? You can’t just walk up to a person you barely know and say “I trust you,” and have them take you seriously.

He narrows his eyes at her.

“Now. You could throw that away, forget I said it, or you could believe me, and start to regain your humanity.”

He started to walk away. He was almost gone before his voice rang, just as clear as before.

“When you loose yours, they win.

E: No they fucking don’t. That has nothing to do with anything.

You tell me who’s stronger then.”

Jack sat there in the light, thinking.

Fuck.

N:…That’s it? That’s what caused Jack to overcome her severe trust issues and fear of emotional attachment? Being insulted and then the person who insulted her saying that he trusted her? And that she should believe him because reasons? ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS HERE!?

E: You know…I want to talk about a game a friend has been showing me. Valkyria Chronicles. It’s a kinda meh game. Combat is ok, kind of what would happen if mixed Fire Emblem with Call of Duty, little too clusterfucky at times, but I want to talk about the story. See, the game has a very cutesy, perfect, idealic tone to it. And there’s nothing wrong with that as a concept. Here’s the problem. The game is about WW II in all but name. It’s about a small country being invaded by not!Nazi Germany. There are fucking CONCENTRATION CAMPS in this game! There is racism against the not!Jews. And the game takes the most pathetic, lackluster, 1st grade level towards it.

E: One character has a deep seated hatred towards the Not!Jews, but then one of the Not!Jews asks her something along the lines of “You like music right? Well all music is different, and so are people, you don’t hate all music do you?  Not all Not!Jews are the same” And that line, something I would expect out of fucking SESAME STREET is enough to make her seriously question her deep seated racism, despite the fact that is not and never will be that fucking simple! My friend and I only keep playing the game for snark bait (The main character constantly reminds the audience that he’s a nature lover. Because of this when he says “Gotta smell the love of nature” while driving a tank into the enemy lines, he comes off as a bit of a sociopath) and because the combat is kinda fun, but the story is just fucking awful because of this basic cutesy approach to issues that demand more fucking respect than that! This story is doing the exact same fucking thing. Deep seated issues removed with a single conversation. Fuck. Off.

G: *Sigh* If there is one thing I absolutely refuse to tolerate, it is anti-intellectualism. Simplifying complicated issues is a form of anti-intellectualism. Pardon me. *Walks away*

N:…People are gonna die.

She turned, looking at Tali. “Like I said. He helped with some shit. Now. Lets get the fucking popsicle over to her.”

They picked him up again, this time carrying him to Kasumi Goto’s room. The door opened without a problem, showing a tiny Japanese girl sitting on a couch. She looks up from her book.

“What is going on?”

N: Wait, they’re dumping him in Kasumi’s room? Shouldn’t they take him to, oh I don’t know, the fucking med bay? He kind of needs medical attention!

Jack looks at her, then at the bed. She nods to it, causing her and Tali to move over to it, and drop 23 into the center. He lays undisturbed, almost as if he was quietly sleeping. Tali turns to Kasumi.

“He was injured. Miranda wants to kill him, so we need this area to watch him. I hope that’s ok?” Kasumi nods, and then does something rather unexpected.

She tackle hugs Tali.

E: *Face palm* I swear to God the author has no idea how to write people who have met for the first time.

The quarian goes down from the sudden weight addition of a small Japanese thief.

“Thank God! I thought I would be stuck talking to Kelly the entire mission!” Kasumi climbs off her dazed quarian friend. “Normally it wouldn’t be so bad, but she gets very gossipy.

N: You know, Kasumi of all people shouldn’t talk. Also, oh Christ, more “Girly” behavior.

Not a problem, but there are times when I just like to talk.” Tali nodded, unsure if speaking was a good idea. Jack just stares.

-Fucking weirdo-

E: I feel like the author is trying to write banter. And failing.

The three women sit, and start to share introductions. Jack watches the door. Meanwhile, 23 sleeps quietly.

Healing.

N: Oh, he can heal himself too. Great. Just great.

(Because Water Counter: 11)

N: And with that, the chapter ends.

invincible? I think not.

E: Yeah, just really stupid. He only got in that situation because he jumped out of a starship.

if my explanation didn’t make sense, TELL ME.

N: *Turns on megaphone* IT MADE NO FUCKING SENSE AT ALL! *Turns megaphone off*. Well, end of chapter. Ert…we gotta do it. We can’t watch him for the rest of our lives.  We couldn’t do it with you, and if he gets loose, he could kill who knows how many people. After the shit he’s done, driving people insane, abducting people who threatened to break his masquerade, and withholding vital information that could’ve prevented millions of deaths, he’s a threat to all intelligent life. Frankly, he deserves a lot more than a clean painless death.

E: It just doesn’t feel right…

N: Ert, sometimes you don’t get a right choice. Sometimes you have to pick between two choices and go with the one that will do the least to keep you from sleeping at night.

E: Maybe we should just run this by the others, just to make sure that they’re-*Alarm blares*. What was that?

G: Oh damn it! Everyone get down! That’s-*BANG* Oh damn it!

?: So. This is where you’ve been hiding.

E: Oh fuck, is that-.

N: Manus.

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