2525: Legend of Zelda: The True Force – Chapter Twenty-Three, Part One

Title: Legend of Zelda: The True Force
Author:  Hikari no Vikki
Media: Video Game / Movie
Topic: Legend of Zelda / Star Wars
Genre: Adventure / Fantasy
URL: Legend of Zelda: The True Force
Critiqued by TacoMagic and Retired Darth Lord Crunchy

Here we are, people, the chapter everyone has been waiting for: the chapter entirely dedicated to exposition on the Pointless Sue’s backstory.  I’m sure you’re all as excited as I am.  Want to hit us with that sweet, sweet recap action, Crunchy?

“Absolutely.”  *Crunchy starts to pull out a djembe and four action figures*

Okay, I think we get the idea.

“Blast!  Though I believe you owe us a set of predictions for this chapter, yes?”

Yup, I’ve spent about four minutes thinking about this, so I’d like to present the following as my predictions for what we get dropped in this chapter.

• Ashei is Auru’s daughter which was kept a secret because reasons.
  • Bonus points for the reasons being stupid and basically come down to a mixture of douchebandonment and keeping a secret just so that there’s a secret.
  • Double bonus if she’s the product of an affair between Auru and the Queen or, more likely, some kind of suddenly existing queen’s sister or some similar nonsense.
    • It’s almost certainly going to be Impa, but I’m waiting for the royal blood tie-in.
• The words “Last Hope” are used at least once.
• Auru is unironically described as ‘giving a sad look.’
• Ashei is some kind of special child who joins both the Force and Hyrulian magic in some kind of bullshit way.
  • Redemption bonus if Ashei is a genetically engineered magical soldier created from the royal family’s DNA.
• Unfortunately it turned out that Impa knew all along
• Ashei is described as the default inheriter of the throne if something were to happen to Zelda.
  • Hyper bonus if Ashei is unironically described as a backup princess of legend.
• Ashei is told about some other dormant power(s) she’s supposed to have.
• The words “coming of age” are used to describe her suddenly blossoming into a Sue.
• Her relationship with Link was foretold by legend somehow.
• Ashei is the princess in the legend and not Zelda.
• Super Mega Bonus Prediction: Ashei is described as a Sage who gets to stay in Hyrule.

“You truly think all those things will be in this chapter?”

Eh, some of those are more flippant than others, I’d consider it a win if even half of them were in the chapter.

“And by ‘win’ you mean ‘horrible loss,’ yes?”

Yep.  Let’s get cracking!

Read the rest of this entry »