1004: Beauty within the beast – Chapters 5 & 6

Title: Beauty within the beast
Author: Sessh-Amy
Media: Movie
Topic:  The Beauty and The Beast
Genre: Romance/Drama
URL: Chapter 5
URL: Chapter 6
Critiqued by Ghostcat 

Hello, my sweet little Patrons!

I’ve got another pair of chapters ready to delight you, but first – the recap!

:flips through notes:

The Beast’s bullet wounds were examined by a talking stethoscope, who prescribed bed rest and absolutely nothing else. (I didn’t think about it at the time, but isn’t it strange that there just happened to be a doctor in the palace when the curse was cast?) Lumiere volunteered Gaston to be the Beast’s nurse for the two-plus weeks it will take these life-threatening wounds to heal. Later the sinister candelabra bribed Gaston with a pretty rock, convincing the hunter to seduce his former prey in order to break the curse. Gaston was initially reluctant, but succumbed to the power of the shiny.

On to the fic!

-Next Day-

:headdesk:

Dammit! Can I not go through one fic without some kind of tag popping up?

‘How am I suppose to seduce the beast?’ Gaston thought to himself as he walked around the castle. ‘…How should I start?’

Dude, you’re supposed to be this great hunter. Shouldn’t you know how to attract animals?

“Bonjour monsieur, thinking about the beast?” Lumiere asked joining Gaston, as they walked down a hall.

Or in Lumiere’s case, hopped down the hall. He doesn’t have feet or legs, remember?

“Yeah,” Gaston confirmed as he came to a stop. “How am I going to do this?”

Now I can see Gaston being completely clueless when it comes to making someone like him, but that’s because he thinks everyone loves him already.

“…Maybe you should cook him something,” Lumiere suggested.

… Bwa?

Is he seriously suggesting that Gaston cooks for the Beast? That’s the kind of cliched thing the female lead in a shoujo anime would do to show the male love interest that she likes him.

“I’m not a good really cook-“

Because you would consider that women’s work and thus avoid it like the plague.

“-You don’t have to be,” Lumiere interrupted, leading the way to the kitchen. “The chef will cook it, you’re going to take it to Adam and say you made it,”

Yeah, there’s no way that would ever blow up in your face. It’s not as if the Beast would think it’s odd that Gaston’s cooking tastes exactly like that of the cook who has been preparing his meals for however-long he’s been confined to the palace.

Gaston smirks,

:squints at Gaston:

You’re lucky you’re you, but watch it.

“You have a smart way of thinking” Gaston complemented,

:snerk:

as he looked at the chef cook the food.

And Ghostie looked at that sentence and wondered what the hell you were thinking.  I assume that Gaston is watching the cook prepare a meal, but the way the sentence is worded is bizarre.

“Why thank you monsieur,” Lumiere chuckled.

Twirl that moustache, you fabulous candlestick!

20 petals

Huh? What is that? It’s just kind of floating there by itself, almost like a tag of some kind.

“Stay in bed Adam, you’re not allowed to go anywhere,” said Ms. Pott, the teapot, as she tucked the beast in bed.

How? She has no hands!

The beast didn’t reply he just laid on the bed with his eyes closed. “Can you at least try to get along with Gaston, he’s a good man and he’s only here to help you recov-“

So a “good man” is someone who shoots you twice and then makes plans to mount your taxidermied head over their mantelpiece?

“-I don’t want him to get near me,” the Beast growled.

That’s the first sensible thing anyone has said in this fic.

“But Adam, he is only here to make sure you get well,” Ms. Pott said, trying to reason with her master. “Just try to be nice, for me?”

:headdesk:

I’m not the only one who thinks this whole set-up is just plain wrong, am I? I know the standard formula for Hurt/Comfort fics, but this wasn’t an accident – Gaston meant to shoot the Beast! He wanted his ass for a trophy!

Not literally, but … you know what I mean.

The Beast slightly pouted, “…ok,”

He’s a prince, a terrible and fearsome Beast, but crumples like a little boy scolded by his grandmother.

Mrs. Pott smiled, “thank you Adam, I’m going to go check on Chip,” she said, while leaving out the room.

And all the other cup-children who didn’t rate names in the film so they are easily forgotten.

“…You guys don’t care about me,” the beast said, looking out the window.

Maybe not, but they are stuck with you and having a happy boss is better than having a pissed-off boss. Especially if that boss has a past history of tearing people apart.

Think about it – all the servants turned into furniture and other household items. Remember all that broken furniture in the West Wing?

He furrowed his eyebrows “If I’d died, you guys would get your body’s back-“

:spit-take:

WHAT?!?

That’s not how this works, honey. The curse states that you, and the servants, will be restored once you fall in love. Your death would only lock them in their forms with no hope of being human again.

“-You shouldn’t be talking like that,” Gaston suddenly interrupted, startling the beast. He walked into the room wit a trey of food in hand. “If you keep saying that, then you’ll believe it,”

You make it sound like he talks about nothing else. This is the first time he’s brought the subject up!

“Who are you to tell me what I believe,” the beast asked growling at Gaston’s presence.

So far, the Beast is the most sensible character in this fic. Too bad he’ll probably be overcome by Gaston’s dubious charms at some point and join the Crazy Train.

“I didn’t come here to argue,” Gaston said, putting the trey on the bed. “I just wanted to show you that I’m sorry by making you your breakfast,”

Nothing says “Sorry about shooting you twice in the back” like cold eggs and dry toast.

“..After trying to kill me, I bet you put poison in it,” the beast said as he looked away. “I’ll pass.”

:waves Team Beast foam finger:

“Alright then…” Gaston said as he grabbed the spoon and dipped it in the beast soup.

Wait, he supposedly made the Beast soup for breakfast? Who eats soup for breakfast?

:a ninja clears its throat:

Okay, who in France eats soup for breakfast? I did a little research and found several articles, like this one, and not one mentions breakfast soup.  Lots of really yummy-sounding pastries that left me craving pain du chocolat, though.

He took a sip of it. “Doesn’t taste poisons to me,” Gaston said, licking his lips, almost seductively.

:facepalm:

Very subtle. I’m sure none of the women who supposedly threw themselves at him tried the lip-licking trick.

The beast eyes widen a little but he looks away in disgust.

Good for you! Don’t fall for that shit.

“Look, if I wanted to kill you then I wouldn’t go through the trouble of making your breakfast look perfect.”

:looks at tray filled with Void:

Yeah, that bowl of nondescript soup looks fabulous.

19 petals

There’s that weird tag-thing again, only this time there’s … one … missing.

Shit. It’s a countdown clock. The author’s using the petals to count down to the point when Beast falls for Gaston.

“…Thank you” the beast mumbled, but Gaston managed to understand what he said.

No! Do not let him make you feel bad over this! You’re justifiably angry at him! A bowl of soup isn’t going to change the situation.

“If you need anything, I’ll be outside,” Gaston smiled, as the beast heart suddenly skipped a beat.

:headdesk:

:headdesk:

:headdesk:

Fare thee well, strong Beast. Welcome to the fic, damp washcloth Beast.

The beast nodded as Gaston walked out the room, a smirk on his face.

:growls:

I know you’re being a smug asshole, but DAMMIT! YOU ARE PISSING ME OFF!

“So what happened?” Lumiere asked as Gaston closed the door behind him.

“Went better then I expected,” Gaston smirked.

THAT’S IT! IT’S MR. CROWBAR TIME!

:Ghostie is tackled by a flurry of ninjas and partially bolt-taped to a credenza:

Stupid smirking clause.

“Perfect,”

19 petals

:headcredenza:

The petal count is the same! This countdown clock idea wasn’t very good to begin with, and now it’s frickin’ stuck!

“Hello?…Hello…is someone here?” yelled an old man as he walked into the castle. “I don’t mean to intrude but I’ve lost my horse and I need a place to stay for the night!” he said as he looked at his surroundings.

Oh, great. I was just dangling off the furniture and thinking to myself; “What this fic needs is plot regurgitation!”

“Of course Monsieur, you’re welcomed here,” said Lumiere, walking up to the old man. (he may be cold, but he has a heart, does that make sense? No?:])

SHINOBI-SAN!

:THWACK!:

Arigatou, my friend.

Given Lumiere’s personality changes, I’m going to assume that he’s being nice to Maurice in order to have a “foxy grandpa” on stand-by in case Gaston fails to seal the deal with the Beast.

“Ah!” the old man yelped, falling onto the floor. He stared at the candelabra in amazement. “..Incredible..” he says standing himself up. He picks up Lumiere and examines his candle like body.

It’s not “candle like” – parts of his body are candles. It’s mostly metal, but the head and forearms are candles.

“Bonjour monsieur, I am Lumiere, at your service…having fun?” Lumiere asked, noticing that the old man still had his eyes on his body.

Eww.

“I beg your pardon, its just that I’ve never seen a talking candelabra,” the old man said, “how are you aa…achoo!”

“Oh, your catching a cold monsieur, come warm yourself by the fire,” Lumiere said, hopping off of the mans hand, and leading the way to the fire place.

“Thank you,”

The old man sat on a nicely decorated, chair. A coat hanger placed a blanket around the old man. “Thank you very-“

:yawns:

“Lumiere!” Cogsworth yelled, “who is this man, and why is he sitting on the mast-” Cogsworth was cut off after a table ran over his body. The table was being ridden by Ms. Pott and her son Chip, who had the appearance of a small teacup.

It’s not a frickin’ optical illusion – he is a small teacup!

“Would you like a cup of hot tea?” Mrs. Pott asked while pouring tea onto the teacup.

What happens if he says no? Are you going to suck the tea out of your young son?

“Yes, thank you,” the old man thanked as he sipped his tea.

“He he, his mustache tickles mama,” the tea cup giggled.

“Tickles?” the old man questioned as he turned the teacup around to look at his face. “Why, hello there,”

:groans:

Make it stop!

“Maurice? What are you doing here?” Gaston questioned the old man as he walked into the room to greet him.

That’s the first time I’ve been happy to see you, Gaston! Even if you did enter the scene suddenly and likely from behind.

And he actually makes a valid point. Why am I being forced to sit though this? The fic doesn’t need Belle, it has Gaston, so why is Maurice here? The only reason he should be here is so he can be captured by the Beast, thus giving Belle the opportunity to trade herself for him and establish how selfless she can be. The author has abandoned that particular path, so why is this scene here?

“Gaston? Is that really you?” Maurice questioned as he gave Gaston a hug. “Where have you’ve been? Everyone in town has been worried about you. Lefou has been searching for you none stop.”

Really? He’s been gone for less than a day at this point and is a known hunter who has likely spent long stretches of time in the deep forest on previous occasions.

“You two know each other I see,” Lumiere says, walking over to Gaston and Maurice.

Picked up on that, did you?

“Yeah, he lives in our small village,” Gaston says, not noticing the beast standing by the door way.

Isn’t he supposed to be in bed? Why isn’t anyone making him go back? How could he even got out of bed in the first place?

“How’s Belle?” Gaston asked, sounding curious.

“Belle?” Lumiere questioned,

He hasn’t been out of the town long enough to ask that kind of question, nor would Gaston ask after someone else.

“She is the most attractive woman in the village,” Gaston says, almost loudly.

…I don’t even. How do that?

The beast growled angrily, his heart tightening a little.

Is this … Is this an attempt to make the Beast jealous?  He barely knows Gaston, why would hearing some chick’s name make him jealous?

17 petals (jealousy?)

:headcredenza:

SHINOBI-SAN!

:THWACK!:

Domo arigatou.

Why would this manufactured jealousy be worth two petals? I am really questioning the accuracy of this petal-clock.

“Watch what you’re saying,” Maurice warned as he glared at Gaston a little. “She’s my daughter you know-“

:blinks:

Did… Did I miss the part where he said something Maurice would take offense to? Gaston simply called his daughter beautiful, there’s no reason for him to react like that.

“-Why is there a stranger in my castle?” the beast growled as he stormed in the room.

“Master! You shouldn’t be walking around in your condition,” scolds Ms. Pott.

Yes! Thank you, Mrs. Potts.

The beast ignores Ms. Pott and walks towards Maurice. “Who are you and what are you doing here?” He questioned.

“I -I-I came from the forest an-”

“You’re not welcomed here,” the beast interrupted.

Now comes the part where the Beast throws Maurice in the dungeons, or attempts to and passes out from his injuries halfway there. Something like that.

“I’m-I’m sorry,”

“Wait!” Gaston stopped as he stepped in front of Maurice to protect him from harm. “Don’t harm him, he’s a friend,”

:headcredenza:

And now I know why Maurice is here; so Gaston can act uncharacteristically chivalrous.

“Oh? Did you invite him over to see me, the beast?” The beast roared as he pushed Gaston aside. Gaston fell back while hitting his head on the table, knocking him out.

Wow. He didn’t put up much of a fight, did he?

“Gaston!” Lumiere yelled as he ran to Gaston side.

Shouldn’t the Beast be the one running to his beloved’s side to kiss his boo-boo better?

“Please don’t harm me, I was just looking for a place to stay the nig-”

“Then I know the perfect place for you to stay.” the beast interrupted, grabbing the old man and taking him into a dungeon.

“NO, NO, NO, PLEASE, NO!” The man yelled.

The Beast is awfully spry for someone who is supposed to be bedridden right now.

-x-

I guess there’s no Author’s Note at the end of this chapter. On to the next one! I predict more mangled plot regurgitation.

Gaston slowly opened his eyes. ‘What happened?’ he thought as he looked around the room. He found himself laying on a bed, in an unfamiliar room. He tried to sit up, but winced when he felt a sharp pain on his head. He placed his hand on his head, and felt bandages, rapped around it.

I’m gonna call bullshit on this. If Gaston hit his head hard enough that he would remain unconscious while a bunch of furniture picked him up, moved him to a bedroom, and tended to his bump, then he’d be dead right now.

“I see you’re awake,” Lumiere said, walking into the room.

Against all logic and reason, it would appear so.

“What happened?” Gaston asked, rubbing at his head.

Based on the subtle clues, I’d guess that you hit your head on something.

“Adam gave you one nasty injury,” Lumiere said hopping on the bed, grinning, “You hit your head against a table.”

A flimsy wheeled table that has the ability to move itself out of the way. I doubt any injury Gaston managed to sustain would be a concern.

“Why does that make you smile?” Gaston asked, raising an eyebrow.

Because he is the villain and is probably there to give you more terrible advice on how to seduce the Beast.

“Because I have a plan,”

“What type of plan?”

A bad one, no doubt.

“Let’s just say, you lost your memory,” Lumiere smirked.

:growls:

Wait, what?

“What?” Gaston asked in confusion.

I know, right?

“Trust me with thi-” Lumiere heard the door opening.

So far your actions haven’t really inspired trust, dude.

“Is he awake?” Mrs. Pott asked as she walked in the room.

What is with all these characters without legs walking everywhere?

“Yes he did, but I’m afraid he’s lost his memory,” Lumiere said, a worried expression on his face.

Why would Lumiere be the one to determine this? They have a doctor/stethoscope in the palace! Shouldn’t he be here treating Gaston?

“Oh dear…” Ms. Pott said as she hopped on the bed, “Monsieur, do you know who we are?”

Kind of fuzzy on the concept of “memory loss”, aren’t you?

“…No…are you really a talking Pott?” Gaston asked (stupidly).

SHI…

:THWACK!:

You’re getting good at this, Shinobi-san!

If he really wanted to fake memory loss, a good place to start would be calling her a teapot instead of using a version of her name.

“Oh dear,” she hopped off of the bed and rushed to the door, “Adam is going to get an ear full of this,” she said, storming out off the room.

It was an accident! It’s not as if the Beast meant to hit him. And why do you, a servant, think you can scold your master, a prince, like that? I know Mrs. Potts is a grandmotherly character, but she isn’t like this.

Lumiere chuckled, “Don’t worry, you’ll under stand the plan later.” Lumiere said, also walking out of the room, Gaston following behind.

Why isn’t Gaston playing up his injury and staying in bed? What is with these characters wandering around when they are supposed to be hurt?

And the cunning plan isn’t all that hard to figure out; Gaston feigns memory loss, which makes the Beast feel guilty and makes him want to take care of Gaston – who is still supposed to be taking care of the Beast – and then falls in love with him. It’s a double Hurt/Comfort scenario. The author probably can’t decide which she prefers, Gaston taking care of the Beast or vice-versa, so she is trying to have both. I can’t see this going well.

“Papa?” They suddenly heard a females voice near the entrance. Gaston thought the voice was familiar as he and Lumiere walked to were they heard the voice. There they both saw a beautiful young woman, walking in the castle. “Papa?”

“Belle..” Gaston whispered,

Great, the fifth wheel is here. I can’t wait to see how her character gets assassinated.

“That’s the so called Belle?” Lumiere asked, lifting an eyebrow. “She is a beauty,” he says, licking his lips.

This author really has a fascination with lip-licking.

“Papa?..” Belle began to walk to were she heard the voices. Gaston and Lumiere, walked to a different location, to hide from the young beauty.

Good thinking, I bet she has cooties.

“We should help her,” Gaston said, not taking his eyes off of Belle.

I thought they were hiding? If he can see her, that she can probably see them.

“Are you crazy, you’ve lost your memory, remember?” Lumiere protested.

Yeah, but Belle doesn’t know that.

“…Then you take her to the old man,”

“…Alright then,”

Lumiere agreed as he made his move.

INCOMING PLOT REGURGITATION!

He led Belle to the castles dungeon, not letting himself be scene yet. As soon as Belle saw her father she ran to his side, caressing his hand. Gaston watched Belle, making sure she was reunited with her father. Belle suddenly felt a large hand yank her away from her father. It was the beast.

Sweet mercy, the grammar in this thing. It’s not the worst I’ve ever seen, but … Ugh.

“How did you get here?” The beast roared in anger.

“I came here to save my father, please let him go, cant you see he’s very ill,” Belle begged.

That doesn’t answer his question, dear.

“Then why did he get into the castle,” The beast questioned.

“He could have died out there, please let him go I’ll do anything.”

“You cant do anything he’s my prisoner,”

“Wait!…I’ll be your prisoner..” Belle suddenly suggested.

:yawns:

In the film this is a very touching scene. Here, not so much. The pacing is extremely rushed, the author clearly wants to get back to her Hurt/Comfort scenario, so why have this here at all?

Gaston widened his eyes, not believing what he was hearing. “You’ll take his place?” The beast asked, also not believing what Belle was offering.

Gee, it’s like Gaston’s offering nothing of value in this scene at all.

“Belle no, you don’t know what your doing!” the old man yelled, trying to stop his daughters offer.

“If I stay, will you free him?” she asked, ignoring her father.

“Yes but you’ll have to stay for the rest off your life,” the beast warned.

“…I give you my word,”

“Deal,” the beast said, walking to the old mans jail cell, and letting him free.

“Belle listen to me, I’m old, I lived my life-” The old man felt his shirt being pulled by the beast.

“Wait…” Belle begged as the beast dragged the old man away.

“Belle!” the old man cried.

“Wait!”

I didn’t think it was possible, but the pacing becomes even more rushed. I can almost see the author tapping her foot, desperately trying to hurry so she can get back to the good stuff.

Gaston ran out off the dungeon walls, before the beast could catch him.

Gaston’s apparently into parkour these days.

The Beast took Maurice out off the castle and forced him into a carriage. It carried him away from the castle.

:waves:

Bye-bye, foxy grandpa!

The beast walked back into the castle, and saw Gaston walking around, looking lost. Gaston saw the beast, and remembered the plan.

What plan? The part where the Beast was shot twice the day before and thus should not be running around flinging people all over the place? That plan?

“Wha-What are you?” Gaston yelled in fear as he attempted to back away.

“What? What’s the matter with you?” the beast asked, confused at the way Gaston was acting.

Oh, the fake memory loss thing. I forgot about that plan.

“ADAM!” Ms. Pott yelled as she walked into the room. “I’ve been looking all over for you,”

So you can get fired and/or crushed like an egg for yelling at your volatile employer?

“What’s wrong with him?” the beast asked.

“He’s lost his memory, master,” Lumiere said, walking into the room.

“What? how-“

The author’s been watching too many soap operas?

“-You made him hit his head on a table, this time you’ve done it Adam,” she scolded.

It was an accident! He couldn’t have hit it that hard if he’s running around now.

The beast rubbed the back of his neck, and gave a worried expression and sorry expression.

Wow, two whole expressions. He must be feeling bad.

15 petals

So guilt and jealousy were both good for two petals a piece, but when Gaston was trying to be nice that only rated one petal? This countdown clock is messed up.

“I..I didn’t think I hit you that hard…I’m sorry…” the beast apologized.

You didn’t hit him, you pushed him out of the way and he fell!

Gaston, acting terrified, ran away from the beast, with Lumiere following behind.

Lumiere’s pretty fast for a candlestick with no legs.

“Do you get the plan now?” Lumiere asked

Gaston gave an evil grin, “Now I do,”

Again, not that hard to figure it out. And, like Lumiere’s prior plans, this is also a terrible idea. Not only is Gaston prostituting himself for a shiny rock, but now he’s added an another layer of deception to his act. If – or should I say when – the Beast finds out what is going on, he will be crushed. And then probably crush Gaston into a greasy spot on the floor.

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