783: The rare Animagus: REWRITTEN VERSION! – Chapter 1/Prologue

Oh, so it’s not just one unknown animal but many of them!

:headdesk:

This popped up in the early chapters of Animagus Predator, before the concept was cast aside to devote more time to costume porn and Stu-stroking, but at least in that fic Harry is shown changing into different animals and the audience isn’t treated to a big blob of vague. Being an Animagus isn’t an inherited ability, but a complex spell that requires a lot of discipline and training to master. It likely wouldn’t even work if the caster didn’t have a specific animal in mind when they cast the spell.

As for the reason why he can change into more than one form, that’s easy – he’s the Stu.

For awhile he hated it,

Poor me, I have an unprecedented ability that makes me far more powerful than anyone else! Wah! Wah! Wah!

:THWACK!:

Man up, buttercup.

but eventually he began to see how much he had improved in other aspects of his life simply because of this ability to transform into different kind of creatures.

I fail to see how randomly changing into different animals with no control over what they are would drastically improve one’s standard of living. He’d be popular at children’s parties, though. Well, until he turned into a blue whale and crushed everyone.

He began to learn and understand most of what the animals felt, wanted, needed and did.

Most animal behaviors can be traced to one of four things; food, sleep, safety, and sex. That goes for humans as well, since we are also animals.

He began to understand their emotions,

:headdesk:

Oh, hell. We’ve got a Doctor Dolittle.

their way of living and after a while he began to live more with the animals than with the humans.

It would be really helpful to know what kinds of animals he is living with. If he’s giving up the luxuries of running water and frickin’ magical powers to live in a damp hole in the ground then he’s a dumbass.

He began to see that the animals weren’t as dumb as the humans thought they were.

Again, knowing which animals he is basing this off of would be really helpful. On average, carnivores and omnivores are more intelligent than herbivores. If you think about it, this makes sense; in the wild if you want to eat meat, like a tasty herbivore, you have to catch it first. And, just like humans, not every member of a specific species has the same level of intelligence.

For example; I give my cats wet food every morning, and I always place the bowls on the same blue tray so they don’t end up sliding across the floor. When I start getting the bowls ready, Maggie and Simon will immediately go to the blue tray and wait for me to bring them their food while Fearless follows me to the kitchen and makes a pest of herself by generally acting like she hasn’t eaten for days. This is despite the fact that I have never given her food in the kitchen.

Pictured: a starving cat, apparently.

 The normal humans, the non wizards, the muggles, never examined animals in a way he did.

They might not be able to turn themselves into various creatures, but many scientists study the behaviours of animals. There’s entire branches of science devoted to it, as a matter of fact.

They did not see how intelligent an animal could be.

So the whole “teaching primates sign language to learn what they are thinking” thing is just for shits and giggles?

And because it were always the muggles who always did the animal research, many creatures who were magical or had a magical gift were never examined.

I must cry “Bullshit!” on that.

There was a class at Hogwarts, (Care of Magical Creatures) at least one book written on the subject, (the rather bitey Monster Book of Monsters) and an entire department within the Ministry (the Department for the Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures) dealing with the subject.

It is only because of the first dozen Animagi in the Wizard history, that many wizards knew and understood one simple fact: Many creatures are capable of doing thing beyond human intelligence.

Ummm…

:re-reads sentence:

Because a dozen wizards in the entire recorded history of magic were able to take animal forms, somehow other wizards know that some creatures (not necessarily the ones those Animagi could transform into) are capable of performing tasks that are beyond the scope of humans to comprehend?

Huh?

That makes no kind of sense. If we’re not able to comprehend these tasks, then how are we able to realize that the animals are doing them? And if these were tasks done by the Animagi, then how would anyone know if it was something only animals can do and not due to the fact that the creature possessed a human intelligence?

Many creatures however does not mean that all of them are as intelligent as a human.

That’s very true, as I’ve already pointed out. Try to keep up, fic.

Most wizards thought that all animals were dumb and treated them like they were dumb, simply because a few where not as intelligent as others.

This is seriously starting to whiff of author tract. We get it, animals are majestic and noble beings who are just misunderstood. Can we get to something resembling a point?

Because of that many didn’t know how to interact with the animals and creatures.

But there are also a lot of people who devote a lot of their time to just that – like anyone who has every had a treasured pet.

I am really getting sick of all these broad generalizations. Can you please narrow the narrative down to something smaller than the human species as a whole? And when are we going to see some actual interactions? This is nothing but telling instead of showing!

Once Harry realized that he was an Animagus he realized why he found it so easy to interact with other creatures and animals.

:drags Dead Horse out of Dead Horse Stable and throws it at the author:

Being an Animagus is NOT an inherited trait! Harry can’t “discover” he’s an Animagus any more than I could wake up one morning and “discover” that I’m an Olympic gymnast.

He understood that he could interact with the creatures better than others because he was an Animagus and they weren’t.

:sigh:

Did you OD on Ex-lax today, author? Because you keep dumping one load of shit after another.

Many animals are very territorial, especially in a situation where there’s one alpha male with a harem of females. A lone male wandering up for a chat is going to get his ass kicked.

He understood it even more when he found out that he wasn’t locked to just one form but to multiple forms.

:THWACK!:

The spell doesn’t fucking work like that! It has NEVER worked like that.

Discovering that he began spending time with the animals and creatures. And each experience he had with them, taught him a lot about the animal kingdom.

So would watching a lot of Animal Planet.

He also learned that, either they would all gather together and slaughter the humans or become extinct before they can do so.

:record-screech:

I’m sorry, what?

Every animal everywhere, predator and prey alike, will rise up against the humans – or be driven to extinction. There’s no middle ground there, just kill all humans or go the way to the dodo. That’s sort of a weird topic for the generic animals to bring up in casual conversation with a complete stranger who shows up out of nowhere.

Well, it kind of worked in Avatar, so I guess it could work on Earth – provided a lot of big badass monsters evolved really quickly.

After the war against The Dark and most evil Lord Voldemort was over and the peace in the magical society had returned all hell broke loose.

I don’t think you understand what “peace” means, author.

Muggles found out about the magical world.

Despite strict rules specifically designed to prevent that from happening that are vigorously enforced by the Ministry, to the point where Muggles have their memories altered to prevent them from remembering that magic is real.

At first they left the magical world alone, but when they gained more technology the extermination of wizards began.

:spit-take:

Nan des’ ka? What happened to the diatribe about animals and how misunderstood they are and the eventual animal uprising? When did it turn into humans killing humans? That is a really sudden shift in the narration, it’s like the author inserted part of another fic.

Slow at first but when years passed the muggles started to make it more obvious what they where doing.

More obvious than systematically killing people? The wizarding world is small in comparison to the Muggle world, and very tightly-knit; after the first few deaths people are going to start talking.

Soon the muggles all gathered together and started an all out genocide of the magical world.

So every country in the entire world managed to put aside their many, many differences and band together in this multi-national force to wipe out the wizards? Not just the armed forces, but ordinary citizens who’ve never even seen a gun in person before?

Bullshit.

Think about how many diseases could be cured by magic. Energy crisis? They have spells that can solve that. There’s a potion that can re-grow bones; do you know how many amputees there are just in the US Armed Forces?

It was like world war two all over again only much, much worse.

:record-screech:

Did I miss the part where the wizards were invading Poland?

:headdesk:

Fucking hell, man, World War 2 was caused by a variety of social, economic, and political issues, most of which had nothing to do with the mass extermination of entire ethnic groups – but something tells me that’s not what you are referring to.

:slaps author:

It is called the Holocaust; if you’re going to exploit an event that altered countless lives for your shitty fic the very least you could do is get the terminology right.

:slaps author again:

Asshole.

:headdesk:

I’m sorry, Patrons, but this is going to be bad.

Children were suffocated and had their necks broken while they were asleep.

Kind of over-kill if you suffocate them and then break their necks. You can’t kill someone twice.

Also;

:slaps author again:

You are a horrible fucking waste of skin for even writing that.

The rest of the magical humans were moved to an empty island and locked up.

I thought the Muggles were killing all the wizards; why send them to a special island instead? The Muggles aren’t looking to exploit them as a free source of labor, or use them in other nefarious ways. The entire reason the Muggles are attacking the wizards is to eliminate all the wizards from the world (because reasons, I guess), so why ship them all off to a remote location?

I have a sinking feeling that the answer would involve the author’s obsession with the Predator franchise.

And what happens to the Squibs, the non-magical people born to wizard parents? Are they rounded up as well even though they aren’t technically wizards?

Their wands were taken away and destroyed.

Removing their primary means of defense and rendering them largely powerless, making them nearly identical to their captors. Most wizards lack the ability to perform wandless magic, so removing their wands would negate whatever threat the Muggles feel the wizards represent.

Then the mass genocide began,

Then what the hell was all of that shit before, the warm-up genocide?

:slaps author again:

Son of a monkey-fucking bitch! Fuzakeru na!

muggles came to the island to hunt the wizards down.

:headdesk:

:THWACK!:

FYI, jackass; taking a bunch of defenseless people and dumping them on as island so that everyone else in the world can hunt them for sport is the sort of shit a cheesy super-villain would do. In fact, a lot of them have – including a Bond villain!

:THWACK!:

You turned ever Muggle on Earth into an Awesome McEvil!

When captured the wizards were brutally killed.

I think you mean “captured again” since they had to be rounded up like cattle and dumped on the death-island in the first place.

Young children who went with their family to the island had to watch as their parents and family got murdered, before they to were brutally killed.

Wait, I thought all of the children were suffocated/neck-snapped while they slept? Where did these kids come from?

And wow. Muggles be all kinds of assholes in this fic.

After ten to twenty years almost every wizard was gone, murdered.

You could only narrow the time period down to within a few decades? And damn, Muggles are really bad at mass murder if it takes them a couple of decades to kill a small number of people who are now trapped on an island and have no means of defending themselves.

The ones still alive were hiding, afraid for the muggles.

And for damned good reasons.

Are we still supposed to believe that every single Muggle on Earth enjoys brutally murdering other human beings to the point where there is sustained activity for a ten to twenty year period – longer than the actual World War 2? And not one Muggle said to themselves during those many years, “Hey! I wonder if that magic stuff can fix this problem?” Because I call so much bullshit on that.

But they were found and Harry was one of them.

I thought Harry turned his back on humans in general so he could go off and Doctor Dolittle it up among the animals?

They fought but many of Harry’s small group got killed, including his two best friends, their children, his wife and his own children.

:gets out broom:

We’ll just sweep aside all these extra characters so we can focus on the Stu.

:smacks author with broom:

Baka-yarou.

Only Harry survived and he ran away, fleeing to save his self.

Unlike the canon character, who would have sacrificed himself to save those he loves, this one is a cowardly little chickenshit.

He knew he had to hide and he knew he was one of the last magical being left alive.

Well, last wizard. There’s probably still some magical beings, like the dementors, who are invisible to Muggles and thus could not be hunted down. There’s probably some creatures that can only be killed by magic, so those are probably still around now that all the wands have been destroyed. But of course Harry would be the only remaining shred of the wizarding world, because you wouldn’t want him to share any of the spotlight.

Also;

:THWACK!:

You completely annihilated the entire Harry Potter world – and turned every normal human into a fucking Awesome McEvil in the process – just so you could isolate your fucking special little Stu! Does this have anything to do with all that bullshit in the first paragraphs about animals being better than humans? And how did you go from the plight of animals to having all of humanity wipe out thousands – if not millions – just because magic exists?

That’s the part that bothers me most. This whole genocide is not because the Muggles are scared of the wizards, or have a deep-seated prejudice against them, but simply because magic is a real thing! Do you know how fucking excited I would be if someone announced magic was real?

Because of that the muggles forgot that there was still one wizard alive, when all others where finally dead.

Except for the so-called Mudbloods, wizards born to Muggle parents. There’s probably been quite a few of them born in the ten to twenty years it took to wipe out the established wizards, but if their parents know what’s good for them then they will hide their abilities.

That’s why this whole plot device that the author’s hatched is so fundamentally flawed; not only are there large segments of the population that would never endorse a genocide, but the wizarding trait spontaneously occurs in Muggles. It would be impossible to eliminate every wizard in the world.

They continued destroying earth, not knowing what they had done to their home planet.

Except for all those tree-hugging granola-munchers who are concerned with the state of the environment.

And Harry being the last wizard, the last earth protector felt how the muggles were killing earth.

Wha?

Since when are wizards the protectors of the Earth? They don’t have some sort of mystical connection to the planet. They’re not Planeteers, for cripe’s sake.

he felt the pain of the earth mother, Gaia, every day.

:spit-take:

Nan des’ ka? Are you bringing the Goddess into this hot mess?

It tired him out, made him feel weak and defenseless.

What the hell is this shit?

The muggles were spreading around the globe, like a virus,

Yeah, that happened long before this fic started. We are a fertile species.

destroying all the live around them, killing animals and all of the magical creatures for their own gain.

Also something that happened before magic was discovered.

Wait, wait, wait … Are we back to the “animals are beautiful people” thing?

:grabs fic by the throat:

Don’t tell me that the whole genocide plot device was nothing but a side-trip or I swear by all the gods that are held holy I will END you.

And within fifty years all the green, every tree, plant, bush and all animal live form was gone.

How the hell did Muggles manage that in just fifty years? We’ve been killing animals for centuries at this point – we know what we’re doing. In fact, most hunters are conservationists; if you don’t preserve the animals then you can’t hunt them.

And if every single speck of non-human life including plants is gone, then every human would die as well. But hey – at least all the mosquitos and roaches are gone now.

And by the year 2140 they had fully killed their planet.

And themselves.

Hell, Harry should have died of natural causes decades before this; he was born in 1980 so he’d be about 160 at this point.

They attained space travel, and inhabited worlds beyond their own solar system, stripping them of resources, because their own planet was barren of them.

How did they acquire space travel in the first place? All of their available resources were tied up in killing off the wizards and then stripping the Earth bare of life. If you wait until everything on Earth is dead, then you’ve missed the window for developing viable space travel.

The last magical person left on the earth was one Harry James Potter black.

Yes, we know. You just covered this in another paragraph.

He had survived the all out genocide because he could not die.

:record-screech:

WHAT?!

So he didn’t survive because he ran away like a coward, but because he can’t die? Why would he run away to save himself if he’s immortal? If it comes to that, why didn’t he make it so that the rest of his family and his friends were also immortal so they would survive as well?

He had long ago become the Master of Death

:groans:

Not this shit again! He isn’t actually the “Master of Death”,it’s only a title given to someone who has possessed all three of the Deathly Hallows. It just means that he understands the nature of death, not that he controls it.

and had also been chosen by magic herself to keep all magic in balance.

Good job, Sparky – all of the wizards and every magical creature is dead. Two thumbs up!

So magic is some kind of sentient force now? Where did that shit come from? And if magic is a sentient force, why does it need an outside agent to keep itself in balance? If it can act of its own accord, why did it let all the wizards die without intervening?

He had failed when the muggles killed the magical world.

You epically failed, dude.

When they destroyed everything that crossed their path until there was nothing left.

Yes, yes; Muggles very bad. Harry Stu good. Get to the fucking point already! Ghostie has drinking to do.

Harry had of course tried everything in his power to stop the slaughterings.

Ummm, when? There’s nothing in the narration that substantiates that.

But he was only one wizards.

Oh, the unintentional grammatical irony.

He may have been and still is powerful but even he could not do anything against the overwhelming force of muggles.

Hello, informed trait!

There’s been no display of power, even his shape-shifting ability is informed rather than demonstrated. The only action that can be directly attributed directly to Harry is when he ran away and let his loved ones die after some kind of fight. That’s it.

When all turned out to be hopeless he hid himself deep within the earth.

Ye gods, what now? Is he going to commune with the spirits of the Earth now?

Hidden in carefully crafted tunnels, made by earth herself.

So now the Earth is a sentient being. But if Muggles killed everything on the Earth, wouldn’t the Earth Herself be dead as well?

He hid there, using his magic to survive and aid magic as much as he could.

He’s using his magic to survive and also to aid magic – which would be the source of his magic to begin with. Sweet mercy, what kind of feedback loop would that create? And why does he need to aid magic if he’s the only magical being left? There’s no one else around to use it.

She, however knew that he could not go stay with her forever.

Why not? He’s immortal, if he waits long enough the Muggles will kill themselves off and he’ll be left alone to wander the wastelands like a post-apocalyptic nomad.

She tried to use her power, her energy to heal herself and soon she went insane.

The Earth went insane.

The Great Mother, She who is the source of all, went insane.

:eye-twitch:

You did not just go there.

She started taking the magic of the last beings with magic left alive, causing them to die.

Wait, aren’t all the magical beings already dead? In fact, every non-human lifeform on Earth has been destroyed. The narration even states that Harry is the last magical being left in the world. Is the Earth going to kill Harry now?

:kisses ground:

I love you, Great Mother!

Harry, who knew he was not yet the last wizard felt her take the lives of her own children.

Oh, hell no. Look right there :points: where the fic says:

The last magical person left on the earth was one Harry James Potter black.

:THWACK!:

You can’t have him be the last one and then have him feel the other wizards die. That is frickin’ ass-backwards. Also;

:THWACK!:

Harry Potter isn’t Obi-Wan Kenobi, he can’t “feel” other people die!

He didn’t try to stop her, he knew he couldn’t do anything to stop her. She was to powerful, to strong for him.

But how does he know that if he doesn’t ever try to stop Her? I’d call “Show, don’t tell”, but the character doesn’t do anything that could be shown. He doesn’t even try, the narration just says “he can’t do it” and offers nothing to substantiate this.

He didn’t want to feel more people die, but he had no choice.

:THWACK!:

You could fight back, you chickenshit maggot-turd.

He was her most favored child, her chosen one.

:sigh:

Just in case you missed the subtle clues, Harry’s a Stu.

He felt everything related to magic and life.

For reasons that have yet to be adequately explained. I think the author’s under the mistaken impression that wizards and Jedi are the same thing.

He felt life die as the muggles kept taking and taking. He felt the pain of Gaia as she struggled to stay alive.

If he feels all of this pain and death for decades, how is it that Harry hasn’t gone insane by now?
Y’know, Patrons, if you just assume that the stress of defeating Voldemort broke Harry’s brain and he’s hallucinating all of this, it makes for a much better fic.

Soon when she started to go weak she turned on him. She clawed at him, tried to rip his magic away from him.

Which should be really easy for Her, since She’s so powerful that even in Her weakened and insane state he can’t do anything to stop Her from destroying things that have already been destroyed.

She cried in his mind, begged for him to give her his power.

Why is She asking him to give it to Her while also attempting to rip the power out by force? That would be like asking the person you’re mugging to lend you five dollars.

To give what she had long ago given him.

Wait, what?

Magic has been treated like a separate entity, Harry was both a protector of the Earth and a guardian of magic, so how would the Earth be able to give something that isn’t a part of Herself?

Harry never gave in and shielded his mind and magic as much as he could. He pushed her away, not wanting to feel her suffering.

Again, the Earth is supposed to be so strong that he can’t do anything to stop Her from draining the abilities of others – but when it comes to saving his own ass he suddenly gets a power upgrade.

She hurt him not only with her trying to take his magic, his life, but also with her dying.

Oh, Her dying is making him uncomfortable? Boo-fucking-hoo.

He knew it wasn’t her fault, it never was her fault.

No, this is the author’s fault.

She didn’t create the muggles.

Wha?

Something or something else had created the parasites called Muggles.

:sirens blare:

Dammit!

:fires Xenodoken gun down the hall:

Back, you bastards!

:pulls out Mr. Crowbar:

I’M HAVING A BAD DAY!

:THWACK!: :THWACK!: :THWACK!: :THWACK!: :THWACK!: :THWACK!: :THWACK!: :THWACK!: :THWACK!: :THWACK!: :THWACK!: :THWACK!: :THWACK!:

:clears throat:

Sorry, where was I?

Oh, right; this author really doesn’t like human beings very much. Got it.

Side-stepping the Creationism vs. evolution briar patch, why does it sound like the wizards and the Muggles are now two completely different species?

And the Magi, Gaia’s children, had accepted them. Harry’s own people had long ago raised the Muggles to understand their ways.

And how did that work out for them?

Until the Muggles became greedy and started to fear the power of the magi. That was when the Magi went into hiding, and they stayed that way until they where once again found out by the Muggles.

Are you fucking kidding me? After all of that shit up there :points: you’ve decided that this would be a good point for some back story?

:THWACK!:

:headdesk:

:headdesk:

:headdesk:

I honestly have no frickin’ idea where the author is headed with this. The whole fic keeps jumping around; first it blathers on about how great animals are, and then it dumps a full-scale genocide into the mix, and then it starts in on the mystical NewAge mumbo-jumbo, and now this back story where Muggles just appeared one day and the wizards nurtured them along out of the kindness of their hearts. That’s four separate plot lines that are just jammed together with very little interaction between the elements.

Harry knew it was, in a way, his fault that his mother was dying.

Sweet mercy, what now?

He had killed the Dark Lord, who turned out to be the only one who could get rid of the Muggles.

What about the Death Eaters? They were pretty anti-Muggle, had no compunctions about killing, and there was quite a few of them.

But because he was insane and killed so many of his own people, Harry had been born to get rid of him. Gaia didn’t want her children to be ruled by a crazy Dark Lord.

If the Earth can cause people to be born for specific tasks, like killing the Muggles or killing Voldemort, why didn’t She create a new, non-crazy Voldemort to get rid of the Muggles after Harry killed the first one off?

She didn’t want her children to die either. She had tried so hard to protect them from the Muggles, her chosen one had tried so hard to save them.

No; no he did not! The narration said “he can’t do anything” and that was the last of it.

Harry had suffered through countless beatings, starvation’s, rapes, tortures and countless of other types of abuse.

:spit-take:

When the fuck did that happen? He was captured one time and immediately ran away to hide in a hole in the ground!

And trivializing frickin’ genocide to give your Stu a tragic past wasn’t enough, so now you’ve tacked on all this as an afterthought?

:THWACK!:

Hell. No.

He he had escaped the muggles again and again and again.

No, he didn’t! This is the first time any of this is being mentioned!

Sweet mercy, this is yet another plot line!

Sometimes he managed to take others with him, other times he had to leave with a guilty hart. Listen to the pained screams of all those he left behind. He had seen so much pain and heard to many screams of agony.

:groans:

Yet more Tragic Past for Harry Stu. Everything is about him, he feels guilty, he has to listen to people screaming, he, he, he – the asshole’s a frickin’ Black Hole Stu to the point where all these terrible things are just skipped over so the narration can focus on his frickin’ reaction to them.

:THWACK!:

He had seen man, woman, children and pregnant people get murdered in front of his eyes.

Pregnant … People? :snerk: Does conception work differently in the wizarding world?

:checks:

Nope, it’s legitimately stupid.

Muggles had picked him as the magical leader, they had tried to break him by having him watch as they killed his people.

No, they didn’t. All of this contrived bullshit is contradicted by things that happened earlier in the fic!

They made him watch them kill his surrogate family, his friends, his nieces, nephews and his own wife and children.

No, they didn’t! There was a fight, during which people died, and then Harry ran away!

He had suffered so much and by the time he went into hiding he already had enough.

Because it’s all about him, isn’t it?

:sighs:

Seriously, if you were going to try to make his back story this dark, you should have placed it before the point where he ran away and hid in a hole in the ground. Now it just looks like you are adding stuff to make him a Tragik figure, but it just isn’t working because there’s already an established series of events that contradicts this.

But he stayed to help Gaia as much as he could. But now that she was insane and dying he has enough.

:headdesk:

Will.

:headdesk:

It.

:headdesk:

Never.

:headdesk:

End?

:THWACK!:

Stop rehashing the same things in a slightly different way!

Fed up with the pain and the suffering in Harry’s live on Earth, he stowed away on one of the space ships and spent several years in Zero Gravity.

Thank goodness, something new.

And I’m calling bullshit on it. How did he manage to sneak about a shuttle and then gain entry to one of the spaceships? It’s not like sneaking into a movie theatre; these are sealed and monitored environments in space! You probably couldn’t sneeze without someone noticing.

His own magic placed him into a comatose state so he would survive.

All by itself, without a spell? How very proactive of Harry Stu’s magic! I hope it also exercises his muscles so they don’t atrophy and somehow nullifies all the ill effects inherent to living in zero gravity.

Afters five years on a ship he arrived on a beautiful planet with so much live on it that he felt like he was drowning.

Five years floating in null-G. Magic coma or not, he’s dead now.

There are many bad things that happen to a human body in space, we’re not adapted to null-G living, but let’s focus on just one.

There’s this little thing called “spaceflight osteopenia”, essentially you lose bone mass when you are weightless for extended periods of time as the calcium dissolves back into your bloodstream. How much? On average, 1-2% per month; to put that in perspective an elderly person can lose 1-1.5% per month. He’s been in space for five years, sixty months, and has taken no steps to lessen the loss. Even on the low end of that scale over half of his skeleton is gone, assuming he didn’t die of cardiac arrest and/or renal failure brought on by his hypercalcaemia before it reached that high.

There was nothing but jungle and ocean. There was so much live, so many plants and so many creatures. The energy of the planet made the green eyed Magi feel alive. To Harry the new planet, his new home was amazing.

Wow, he got over the loss of his entire species and home planet pretty quickly. You’d expect him to grieve at least a little bit.

I have a question – why didn’t the fic start here?

What possible reason was there to make the audience wade through all of that raw sewage just to get to the point where Harry arrives on Pandora? There has been zero characterization done, and no interactions of any kind; just a long recitation of various bits of back story. It has a very rushed feel, like getting to this point was more important that establishing why Harry had to get here. Hell, why is this even a Harry Potter crossover? You’ve utterly destroyed the entire Potterverse and every canon character except Harry, and he’s extremely OOC, so why even bother? You could create an OC with these traits and skip the nonsense in the first two-thirds of this chapter.

All of the artificial structures built by its native inhabitants were built with the planet… and he didn’t mean like the way muggle had built on Earth.

Which is also the way that wizards built things, since they occupy stick-built structures as well.

The inhabitants on Pandora had planet merely given shape to what was there already, in the form it had.

I’m sorry, could I get that in English?

A tree grows, the roots that become exposed as dirt washes away and becomes a den, and the hollow interior becomes the home.

So he traded one hole in the ground and endured five years of weightlessness just so he could live in another hole in the ground. That’s kind of a lateral move, if you ask me.

When the ship landed Harry woke up fully and hid behind a few craters,

:snerk:

I assume that’s supposed to be crates, which means Harry is in the cargo area. This is a ship that’s travelling into deep space on a five year trip – that cargo hold is going to be packed tighter than Gramma’s girdle. There wouldn’t be any room for Harry. There probably wouldn’t be a lot of air, or even any air, either. There’s not really any point in wasting oxygen on cargo if it doesn’t need it, and it would remove the chance of unwanted little pests hitching a ride.

using a spell to remain invisible.

Wait, to remain invisible? So not only was he in a magical coma, but he was invisible as well? So someone could have smushed him with a “crater” and no one would have known?

He could feel his magic telling him something when he looked out a small window again.

On ships they’re called portholes. This leads to my follow-up question; why the fuck is there a porthole in the cargo hold? Why would anyone ever need to look out of it?

When he saw the planet he knew that he had found his new home.

Yeah, I kind of figured that, considering he has already called the place his new home.

He sneaked out of the ship and ran into the Forrest, unseen by anyone.

Well, duh. He’s invisible, remember?

Please tell me you didn’t forget he was invisible within three sentences of making him so.

He soon found out that he could breath the air on Pandora while the muggles couldn’t.

Wait, what?

The atmosphere on Pandora is toxic to humans, it contains levels of carbon dioxide high enough to kill a person in about four minutes. Even if Harry knows some kind of spell to deal with this, there’s also hydrogen sulfide in sufficient concentrations to cause someone to pass out and stop breathing very quickly.

He examined the Forrest and ended up on a flying mountain.

But … How … What …

:shakes fic:

What is going on?

There he passed out from exhaustion.

Or from the effects of the poisonous gases.

When he woke up, Eywa spoke to him.

“Hey, asshole! Get the hell off of me!”

At first he was wary to let her in his mind, his body but soon she had proven to be no threat and he let her in.

Not just his mind, but into his body. Ewww.

She comforted him and saw his live, his pain. She was surprised to see that he looked young while he was at least 165 years old.

This is the first human Eywa has ever communicated with. How does she know it’s unusual for one to live that long or that he looks young for his age?

From that day on he learned from Eywa. She taught him how to live on Pandora, how to see like the Na’vi did.

 

I’m sure someone’s going to give me a smack for that, but I needed some Disney.

She taught him the ways of the Na’vi and she taught him how to control and use his Animagus ability.

Again I must ask – HOW?

There’s isn’t any magic on this world, and none of the animals possess an ability like Animagus. I don’t care if she’s the all-invasive omnipotent spirit of Pandora, she cannot teach what she does not know.

After five years he was a wizard unlike any other.

Which isn’t saying much since he’s the last of the wizards. There’s nothing to compare him to.

He could use magic without a wand, like very first Magi of old times did with their Magic.

:headdesk:

Of course he can. I guess that’s a good thing, since all of the wands were destroyed by the Muggles sixty to seventy years before.

His control over his Animagus forms was incredible and he could become any creature he wanted even non existing ones.

:slaps author:

It doesn’t work like that!

:slaps author again:

I’m sure the author thinks this is an awesome trait since Grimm had the same power, but it’s not really that novel of a concept. A lot of fic authors give Harry the power to turn into multiple creatures. It just turns Harry Potter into Beast Boy.

He learned a lot and Eywa was proud of him, she never favored one person and she never took a side but she favored him and she took his side.

:headdesk:

He’s the favorite of not one but two entire planets!

:THWACK!:

Hey, guys – what’s the level above a Black Hole Stu? Quasar Stu?

She wanted the muggles away from the planet and she wanted them to stay away. So Harry decided to help her chase the muggles away, he wouldn’t let them hurt or kill Eywa like they did with Gaia. He would not let her be driven insane.

Yeah, no. If I was Eywa, I would politely decline. I mean, he was a protector of Earth and She went to shit. Eywa’s seen inside Harry’s head so she should know this.

He would help her as much as he could even if it meant his own end.

If your past record is any indication, you will make a token effort to help, run away, and then spent the rest of your days in a hole in the ground wangsting about how you can’t do anything.

That’s it for this week, Patrons. Don’t worry; while the next chapter is bad, it isn’t this kind of bad.