1524: X-Com: Mass Effect: Chapter 5 Part 2

Title: X-Com: Mass Effect
Author: Dragonsong2795
Media: Video Game
Topic: Mass Effect/XCOM
Genre: Sci-Fi
URL: Chapter 5
Critiqued by Erttheking

Ert: After dealing with a fuckwit co-worker who thinks he’s SO FUCKING FUNNY with his fucking sexist, racist and homophobic jokes, I’m looking forward to dealing with something I’m allowed to swear loudly about.

Nora: Ert, we know. You won’t stop ranting about him. Just let it all go. All into the badfic.

Goeth: Let the hate flow through you.

Ert: This is why I don’t use the Red Ring anymore.

X-C:ME

Dreadnought ‘Felara’ Bridge.

“Captain we are receiving a Communication’s signal from the Unknown Vessel” When the Felara’s comm officer shouts out this message the entire bridge immediately stands at attention.

Lidanya starts to panic slightly, ‘A first contact situation, am I really going to be in command for this? Goddess I hope I don’t screw this up!’

Ert: I already feel that you are massively under qualified for this. I mean it’s perfectly normal to be nervous. To openly show it, particularly in front of the rest of the crew, is something someone of your status should not be doing. You’re a captain. You’re supposed to set an example for the rest of your crew.

Nearby Benezia shakes her head at the nervousness of Lidanya, although she has to admit that she is also feeling a little apprehensive at this, to be on board the first official Asari ship that this new species will meet. It’s very nerve wracking, especially for the less experienced crew members who’ve grown up with the horrific tales of first contact with the Rachni and the events of the Krogan Rebellions.

Nora: That doesn’t make any sense. First contact with the Krogan went extremely well. The Krogan Rebellions came up centuries later. A more appropriate example would be first contact with the Yhag.

Goeth: But the story is so busy drilling it into our heads that the Council is wrong. We can’t bring up a situation when they did something right.

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1518: X-Com: Mass Effect: Chapter 4 & Chapter 5 Part 1

Title: X-Com: Mass Effect
Author: Dragonsong2795
Media: Video Game
Topic: Mass Effect/XCOM
Genre: Sci-Fi
URL:  Chapter 4 and 5
Critiqued by Erttheking

Ert:…Huh

Nora: What’s up Ert?

Ert: I got a reply from the author, Dragonsong2795, when I left reviews on this this story and its rewrite

Goeth: Don’t keep us in suspense what’s the word?

Ert: He said my review that teared it apart was the best review that he had ever gotten. And that in the remake, he was upset that only three people disapproved of what Novus did, because that was his intention. Huh.

Nora: So is this story good now?

Ert: Fuck no, it’s god awful. If the author wanted people to think that he didn’t do a very good job of expressing it. All this means is that I feel slightly less comfortable taking pot shots at the author himself. I’m still ripping this thing a new one.

Goeth: Same old same old. Time for a new chapter.

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1511: X-Com: Mass Effect: Chapter 3 Part 2

Title: X-Com: Mass Effect
Author: Dragonsong2795
Media: Video Game
Topic: Mass Effect/XCOM
Genre: Sci-Fi
URL:  Chapter 3
Critiqued by Erttheking

Ert: So, time for more weird ass, tranhumanist, humanity takes over the galaxy, ubermensch power fantasy?

Nora: You know it!

Ert: Goodie. So when we last left off, Turians decided to go on vacation in uncharted territory, which as it turns out is a bit like having a picnic in Somalia and as equally as advisable. Liara also went on there because she had caught the stupid virus, and since Shepard was, out of nowhere and with the grace of a horny teenager, established as being biesexual, I can already tell where this is going. Oh, and the author started shoving insufferably specific numbers down our throat, ones that even Vulcans would call anal.

Goeth: Moving on!

“Sir, the alien vessels have noticed us and are heading towards us. Spirits they’re fast. 26 units per tick (5,486 Kilometers) and rising” Primus reports to Victus as he keeps track of the alien ships heading towards them.

Goeth: So, out of curiosity, we did some research (Something the author never did) and we can’t find anything on “units”. We found nothing. Closest was the astronomical unit, the distance between Earth and the Sun. And seeing as how that clocked in at 150 million kilometers, it’s safe to say that this unit is something that the author just made up.

Nora: We went the extra mile and checked the Mass Effect wik. Nothing. Not a huge surprise though, Bioware would’ve come up with a more original and descriptive name than unit. Seriously, that’s so generic that making it identify something specific is a waste of time.

Victus nods at the information “Helm, as soon as they get within 40 units (8,440 kilometers) bring us to a dead stop”

Ert: This is probably going to kill me, but…fuck it. Starting now. These numbers are so obtuse, annoying and pretentious, that they deserved to be cataloged. A ding every time an author shoves numbers down our throat in an attempt to show off how smart he is, despite it adding nothing to the story. Starting now.

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1504: X-Com: Mass Effect: Chapter 3 Part 1

Title: X-Com: Mass Effect
Author: Dragonsong2795
Media: Video Game
Topic: Mass Effect/XCOM
Genre: Sci-Fi
URL:  Chapter 3
Critiqued by Erttheking

Ert: Christ, here’s another freaking massive chapter.

Nora: Don’t worry, we’ll cut the length in half when we cut out all of the research reports.

Goeth: That’s still 5,500 words give or take

Ert: Let’s just get it over with

Chapter 4: The Shanxi Incident Part I – Discovery

So here it is, the well awaited fourth Chapter (although technically it’s chapter three by my count). It was supposed to be uploaded three days ago, but I got roped into looking after my nieces and nephew and then the internet went down (God Damn IT!) and so I had to release this chapter later then I wanted to. On the upside this gave me time to re-write the (Spoilers) Space Battle to be less Humans Rule everyone else dies instantly. If someone asks I will post the originally planned space battle at the end of the next chapter.

Ert: Spoiler alert, that still happens. It’s just not in the way you’d expect from a typical ME crossover

Now for Review Replies!

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