239: Harry Potter is Jade EvansMunroe WHAT THE HELL – Chapter Eight

Title: Harry Potter is Jade EvansMunroe WHAT THE HELL
Author: Immortal Wolf Lover
Media: Television / Movie / Book
Topic: Harry Potter / X-Men Evolution
Genre: Drama / Family
URL: Harry Potter is Jade EvansMunroe WHAT THE HELL – Chapter Eight
Critiqued by Ghostcat

Hey, guys – remember back in December when I was riffing that terrible Harry Potter/ X-Men crossover that I fervently hoped had died a quiet and unremarkable death? Well, it looks like the universe hates me because the author updated with a new chapter titled With Jade and her true friends.

O [insert name of favorite deity here], why have you forsaken me?

If you don’t feel like wading back through the Archives to find the first seven chapters, here’s a run-down of what has happened so far.

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114: Harry Potter is Jade EvansMunroe WHAT THE HELL – Chapter 7

Title: Harry Potter is Jade EvansMunroe WHAT THE HELL
Author: Immortal Wolf Lover
Media: Television / Movie / Book
Topic: Harry Potter / X-Men Evolution
Genre: Drama / Family
URL: Harry Potter is Jade EvansMunroe WHAT THE HELL – Chapter Seven
Critiqued by Ghostcat

Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to bear witness to the (hopefully) final chapter of “Harry Potter is Jade EvansMunroe WHAT THE HELL.”

Truly it is a joyous day.

I say “hopefully” because the author has not updated for about a month – if we are lucky she decided to turn her creative energies elsewhere. I hear stamp collecting is nice.

Normally this is where I would put a recap of the previous chapters, but this last chapter diverges so greatly from the rest of the fic that the previous chapters could almost be another fic.

Here is what you need to know – Ororo Munroe (Storm of the X-Men) is a witch as well as being a mutant. Lily Evans, instead of marrying James Potter, married Storm and they (somehow) had a daughter named Jade who was transformed into Harry Potter after his/her mother’s death at the hands of Voldyshorts. Until a few minutes ago Storm thought that her son/daughter had died in the attack and after spending an inordinate amount of time discussing interior design, she is now on her way to Hogwarts with roughly half of the X-Men on a stealth mission to pick up Harry/Jade (who has just turned into a girl.)

If none of that made any sense to you, don’t worry – it doesn’t to me either.

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109: Harry Potter is Jade EvansMunroe WHAT THE HELL – Chapter Six

Title: Harry Potter is Jade EvansMunroe WHAT THE HELL
Author: Immortal Wolf Lover
Media: Television / Movie / Book
Topic: Harry Potter / X-Men Evolution
Genre: Drama / Family
URL: Harry Potter is Jade EvansMunroe WHAT THE HELL – Chapter Six
Critiqued by Ghostcat

Welcome to the sixth chapter of the deplorable fanfic Harry Potter is Jade EvanMunroe WHAT THE HELL.

If you have mistakenly pulled up this page looking for naked pictures of Bea Arthur – boy, are you in the wrong place. I suggest trying Google.

For those of you who haven’t been playing along at home, here are the highlights from the previous chapters:

Ororo Munroe – Storm of the X-Men – is a witch as well as a mutant and is the mother of Harry Potter (who is actually a girl named Jade) whom she believed to have been killed by Voldyshorts along with her wife, Lily. Sirius Black Apparates into the X-Men’s mansion to provide a few fragments of back-story and exposition, namely that Jade is alive as Harry Potter and at Hogwarts but will soon revert back to his/her birth sex. Overjoyed to learn that her daughter/son is alive, Storm summons her house elf Flipsy (who talks like Gollum) to fix up a room for her daughter/son at her manor as well as at the X-Men’s mansion rather than actually going to visit the child. When Storm asks about Harry/Jade, Sirius reveals that the boy/girl has some anger issues – which seem to run in the family.

It took the author five chapters to convey the same information covered in that single paragraph.

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103: Harry Potter is Jade EvansMunroe WHAT THE HELL – Chapters 4 and 5

Title: Harry Potter is Jade EvansMunroe WHAT THE HELL
Author: Immortal Wolf Lover
Media: Television / Movie / Book
Topic: Harry Potter / X-Men Evolution
Genre: Drama / Family
URL: Harry Potter is Jade EvansMunroe WHAT THE HELL – Chapter Two
Critiqued by Ghostcat

I’m back with the second installment of the truly terrible fanfic with the surprisingly descriptive name of Harry Potter is Jade EvansMunroe WHAT THE HELL.

For those who did not read last week’s installment, here’s a quick recap – Ororo Munroe (Storm) revealed that she is a witch as well as a mutant by sort-of saving a girl who had fallen down some stairs and then healing her broken bones with her magic stick. The author took three whole chapters of vague hints to reveal the deep, dark secret of why Storm gets upset on Halloween – several family members died on that day. Storm collapses into tears after the big reveal and is consoled by her nephew Evan (Spyke), which is where Chapter Four picks up.

A word of warning – the first three chapters were more or less coherent, but from here on out the story degrades sharply both in grammar and plot.

I hope everyone has their headdesking pillows fully fluffed.

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97: Harry Potter is Jade EvansMunroe WHAT THE HELL – Chapters 1, 2, and 3

Title: Harry Potter is Jade EvansMunroe WHAT THE HELL
Author: Immortal Wolf Lover
Media: Television / Movie / Book
Topic: Harry Potter / X-Men Evolution
Genre: Drama / Family
URL: Harry Potter is Jade EvansMunroe WHAT THE HELL – Chapter One
Critiqued by Ghostcat

Greetings, dark disciples of dismal literature! After a series of one-shots, I’m ready to jump into a multichapter fic that I have had in my To-Do Pile for a while. I found it in the X-Men: Evolution section, which is packed with more crap that an over-used litter box. It’s so utterly craptastic that it almost defies words.

Almost.

It has it all – gender switching of canon characters, a total disregard for the canon of not one but two sources, Wall-O-Text, minimal punctuation, run-on sentences, and generous ALL CAPS abuse. And – brace yourself – it’s a crossover fic.

A Harry Potter and X-Men crossover fic.

You might be saying – “That’s crazy, Ghostie! Those two worlds have nothing in common!”

And you would be right, my dear hypothetical reader.

Enjoy!

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