2428: The Purple Queen – Chapters 21 (sort of) and 22

Title: The Red Queen
Author: Dravyn LeCrux
Media: Web Series
Topic: RWBY
Genre: Drama/Tragedy
URL: Chapter 22
Critiqued by BatJamags

Kingdom of the Crystal Huntsman

Uwaah count: 13
A Sentence Fragment count: 147
Roll Call count: 7

Hello once again, patrons! I’m your host, BatJamags, and I’m back with another chapter of The Red Queen. Last time, Sueby recruited a bunch of big elephant Grimm for no reason and nothing happened.

Chapter 21 was not an actual chapter, but rather a memorial message about the then-recent death of RWBY’s creator, Monty Oum. It’s actually reasonably well-written and it would be in poor taste for me to riff it. I only bring it up in case you’re wondering why we skipped a chapter.

While that’s a bit of a somber note, this fic is still bad and I’m still going to make fun of it. As such, let’s press on.

Endless. Pointless. Why was she still here? Why was she still sitting through this, despite more pressing, more urgent business being at her doorstep.

Switch those “she”s to “he”s, and you’ve got a good description of my experience reading this fic.

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2415: The Purple Queen – Chapter 20

Title: The Red Queen
Author: Dravyn LeCrux
Media: Web Series
Topic: RWBY
Genre: Drama/Tragedy
URL: Chapter 20
Critiqued by BatJamags

It Doesn’t Matter.

Uwaah count: 13
A Sentence Fragment count: 123
Roll Call count: 7

[Sidenote: So, you know how I’ve been making all these DC Comic crossover jokes? Yeah, apparently Warner Brothers bought out Rooster Teeth and DC is now set to make an official RWBY adaptation comic. I WAS RIGHT!]

Hello once again, patrons! I’m your host, BatJamags, and I’m back with more of this fic. Last time, Yang and Jaune were still hot on Sueby’s trail, and Sueby was about to recruit some Creeps and Goliaths to her menagerie. My understanding based on author’s notes is that literally all of these previous five chapters, including the one for today, were added to accommodate those two new species of Grimm. So let’s dig in and get this over with, shall we?

Despite however much either wanted it, Ozpin could not send the Bullhead to pick them up, leaving Yang and Jaune to spend the night in Tinker, with a flight prepared for the morning.

He can’t send the Bullhead… why, exactly?

Figuring it was better than nothing, the two of them decided to spend the night in the room they had already paid for.

Wait, they paid for a night more than they were planning to spend?

When he got inside of them room, Jaune immediately took to putting the information into his Scroll, something that looked odd to Yang.

Adding notes to your phone? Weird, man.

But she didn’t question it. In fact, there were only two questions on Yang’s mind: When would she get to see Ruby? And when does she get to kill whoever tried harming her? It doesn’t matter who they were, and that was honestly what Yang felt. There would be no force on the face of Remnant who would or could stop Yang in her quest for her sister. Nothing at all.

Nothing at All Can Stop a Sentence Fragment count: 124

But that was something for another time. For now Yang reasoned it would be better to head back to Beacon, just as Jaune did. The two may be hellbent on trying to find Ruby and bring her home safely, but they also realized that certain things wouldn’t happen immediately. Plus, Jaune saw something in all of the information they’ve gathered, and apparently he had a plan. One that Yang was unaware of.

So, hang on, let me get this straight. Ruby’s almost certainly lost it and become a mass-murdering Grimm beastmaster who could try something stupid that’ll get her killed at any point, and you don’t consider finding her your main priority?

Mysterious Sentence Fragment Plan count: 125

All Yang was entirely aware of was the fact that the moment Jaune had used his authority as a hunter of Beacon to get that information from the city guards, the look in his eyes changed. If Yang had to describe it, it looked like he’d just won the lotto or something. Something he’d pieced together from everything they’d found so far seemed to have Jaune eager to get back to Beacon, even at the cost of riding in an airship, something he hates with a passion.

Get it because he got motion sickness in the first episode WHY AREN’T YOU LAUGHING.

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2411: The Purple Queen – Chapter 19

Title: The Red Queen
Author: Dravyn LeCrux
Media: Web Series
Topic: RWBY
Genre: Drama/Tragedy
URL: Chapter 19
Critiqued by BatJamags

The Elephant Fragment

Uwaah count: 13
A Sentence Fragment count: 75
Roll Call count: 7

Hello once again, patrons! I’m your host, BatJamags, and I’m back with more of this. Last time, I would not technically say that nothing happened, so I suppose that’s an improvement over the two chapters before that. What’s that they say about faint praise?

Anyway, some random Atlesian troops were randomly besieging a random Vale village for some random reason, and Ruby randomly killed them all. Meanwhile, Yang and Jaune came to the shocking conclusion that – *gasp* – Ruby wants revenge on the dumbass conspirators!

Right, so anyway, let’s get started!

“It hurts. Dust damnit, it hurts like hell!”

– BatJamags’ thoughts on the narration.

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2405: The Purple Queen – Chapter 18

Title: The Red Queen
Author: Dravyn LeCrux
Media: Web Series
Topic: RWBY
Genre: Drama/Tragedy
URL: Chapter 18
Critiqued by BatJamags

Get Me Pictures of the Red Queen, Parker!

Uwaah count: 13
A Sentence Fragment count: 64
Roll Call count: 7

Hello once again, patrons! I’m your host, BatJamags, and I’m back with another chapter of the fic that has been doing literally nothing whatsoever for the last two or three chapters. Let’s see if we can keep up the streak.

Not… quite what I had in mind, but it’s sure as hell more entertaining than this fic.

The morning was just another to Ruby, of course. Wake up, train with her sweetheart for an hour or so, and take a nice relaxing bath. As to what was different? She was currently pulling fibers from the large plants around the area and weaving them together, making a sort of braid about six inches in length, and about half an inch in diameter. After sizing over her work and looking suitably proud of it, Ruby took her growing hair, which by this point reached to just below her shoulder blades, and tied it together in a plain old ponytail using the fiber rope to hold it in place. Simple solutions to simple problems.

For those of you just tuning in, this is basically a sped-up version of the last third of the last chapter. The fic’s pace has slowed so much that we went backwards.

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2399: The Purple Queen – Chapter 17

Title: The Red Queen
Author: Dravyn LeCrux
Media: Web Series
Topic: RWBY
Genre: Drama/Tragedy
URL: Chapter 17
Critiqued by BatJamags

Far, Far Away….

Uwaah count: 13
A Sentence Fragment count: 39

Hello once again, patrons! I’m your host, BatJamags, and after last week’s big pile of nothing (a void which I futilely struggled to fill with superhero jokes), we’re back with what is doubtlessly more nothing.

Why didn’t I quit back at Chapter 10 again?

“Hmm.”

Hmm?

Hmm…

Hmm.

In his office, Ozpin heaved a sigh, his dozenth within the past hour.

OK, Bat-Ozpin, we need to have an intervention. Literally every scene with you starts with you sighing in your office, and it’s just getting out of hand.

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