664: Twin Humanities- Chapter 24

Title: Twin Humanities
Author: max7238
Media: Video Game
Topic:  Dark Souls
Genre: Adventure Romance
URL:  Chapter 24
Critiqued by Erttheking

C:  So just to clarify, we have no idea where the violet ring is.

N:  No, we don’t.  We’re just hunkering down and waiting for the fight to come to us.  I think it’s a good idea.  There’s four of us and one of them.  Five if we can get Ert’s ring to work.

W:  That’s what Goeth is doing right now isn’t he?

C:  Yeah, fingers aren’t crossed on that one.  Anyway, while they do that, lets get back to the review, I want to get this hunk of crap over with.

N:  Last time we left off with the final climatic battle with Artorias about to begin.  That means we’re gonna cut back right to the battle right?

Event 24: True Abysswalker

Save me… he’d said. He looks up to me. He needs me.

She can stand…?! Incredible…!

Even now, I remember… The night he saved me…

Where would I be without her…?

What would I be without him…?

C:…O….k.  That was random.  Who was that little poem about?  What purpose did it serve?  Why is it randomly shoehorned in at the start of a chapter?  Oh I’m sorry, of an event?  Nothing?

N:  Maybe Artorias was quite the poet back in the day.

Artorias had retrieved what rightfully belonged to the Abyss. His mind gone, lost to the will of the Abyss, his body alone rejoiced in its approval. Now it said only to kill the ones in his way. Kill them or die trying. She is unworthy. He is too weak. Neither deserve the mercy of the Abyss it said. So Artorias obeyed.

C:  You know, Artorias’ characterization in the DLC could be summed up as “Roar, smash, roar, smash” just the Abyss controlling him to kill everything he saw with the ferocity of a berserker.  No “rejoicing” in the approval of the Abyss.  Granted Dark Souls always had a minimalistic approach to story telling and a story fleshing out the world could benefit from elaborating on all of this, but Twin Humanities is not a story I would trust to do it.

Compressed, heavy black katana in her right hand for now, Seiko stood on shaking legs. No matter how she called to it, the Abyss would no longer answer. Her strength, normally something she would count on to make up for that fact, was drained by the experience. Seiko wondered what would happen when she tried to raise her sword for battle.

N:  Gee, maybe you shouldn’t have asked for a sword that was so over the top and physically impossible.  Maybe, just maybe, that would’ve helped you out in this situation.

W:  Also, BRSue appears to have had the Abyss sucked out of her.  Thank.  God.  I don’t know a whole lot about this series, but even I can tell that you aren’t supposed to be shooting chains out of your shadow and pumping demons full of energy until they explode.

N:  See?  Even the old lady calls bullshit on this one!  *Smack*  Oh come on it was a joke.

W:  So was that.

But Jinta had finally asked something of her. They both knew they loved each other, even if the cruel world never allowed them time to express or grow the feeling. But this was something different. To Seiko, even more important. Before, she’d helped out of a sense of obligation, which she regretted. Not now. Jinta had asked something of her. Pleaded. Begged. It meant fighting her father, or what was left of him; a legendary warrior empowered by the Abyss she’d once commanded. She’d fought Lords alone and beside Jinta. She’d fought Black Knights. Only her near-death in New Londo had truly scared her before now. Her legs shook with exhaustion… And fear. But they held. As long as she drew breath, and as long as she could stand, Seiko had every intention on doing exactly what Jinta had asked. It was now or never, with one Humanity between them…

C:  Oh dear, someone let the narrative off the leash again.  It’s running around in circles pretending to be deep when in reality it’s just being a blabbermouth.

W:  That’s this thing that Jinta asked of her that was so damn important anyway?  What?  Him begging her to get up because he couldn’t do anything without her except for everything he did before he met her which would be the majority of his life?  Because if so, that’s not really something to ask.

If not for Jinta’s helmet, he felt as if he’d shame himself. No one could see his expressions. No one knew the fear he felt. He’d come very far, especially for just being an ordinary human. He’d walked beside legends, defeated nightmares, and seen the face of Gwyn himself. But he knew. Inside he knew. In the beginning it had been his hard work, in the middle it had been the help of Solaire, and as his journey of Chosen ended it had been the help of Seiko. All else aside, just his time with Seiko had been more incredible than all the rest. With her by his side even failure had just been temporary. Every crushing defeat before meeting her had been mindless. Meaningless. He’d pressed on solely because he’d believed himself to be righteous. Funny that he’d only just now asked Seiko to save him; she’d already done that.  He didn’t fight and bleed and die to be “righteous” anymore, whether he was or not… He took the hits, he pressed on now, because the two people responsible for his successes needed him.

N:  *Sigh* Author, seriously, we need to talk.  You are out of control with the rambling narratives, you are supposed to talk about the here and now in stories, or about subject matters closely related to the here and now.  Jinta has been in this story for a damn long time and towards the end like this, after the massive battle with Gwyn, is NOT the time for you to start recounting his back story!  It’s awkward, out of place, and its breaking the classic rule of telling instead of showing.  You are telling us so much about how deep their relationship is, how BRSue “Saved” Jinta, despite the fact that she’s pretty much done jack.  And when exactly did Jinta get over his Lawful Stupid tendencies?  I have to say I really don’t remember that scene, I’m guessing that’s because it never happened.

W:  Also, keep your damn ellipses out of the narrative.

Solaire, in a dying wish, entrusted him,him, to end the cycle of death. Seiko, a walking, breathing, daughter of legends and maker of her own legends, clung to him as if he were a pillar in a raging storm at sea. Just by his words she now stood. After that. It sickened Jinta to his core, how pathetic he was. Others may say he was pathetic for asking a woman for help.

C:  Oh, what the fuck is this!?  He’s pathetic because he isn’t a super special awesome sue and he would be considered pathetic for asking a woman for help?  The Hell is this horsecrap?

To Jinta, it didn’t matter that she was a woman in that any woman could be just as great as any man. What killed Jinta, what twisted his guts into knots, was that he’d been forced to beg her for help in her current state… All but forced her to grit her teeth and fight for him. It was wretched in his eyes. Mortifying. And, if it meant losing everything, deep down he vowed to make it up to her… Somehow…

N:  Oh, but it’s ok because he doesn’t think like that…author…if Jinta didn’t think like that…why the fuck did you even bring it up in the first place.

C:  Maybe it’s because he’s trying to show what a great boyfriend Jinta is by thinking that women can fight just as well as men.  If that’s the case, have a cookie Jinta

W:  Also, basically he’s upset because he has to ask for help…oh what a shame.  You need help in Dark Souls, what a tragic concept.  Jinta, get off your high horse, stop dressing up what’s going on as being more than it is.

C:  Also, pray tell me, what happens if you lose?  You will die and come back to life, OH NOEZ!  That’s like…what happens in everyone in Dark Souls and you two have been spoiled on!

“Seiko,” said Jinta, his voice flat with shame. “If you can give me time to use Soothing Sunlight, I can give you a chance to win… It’s only a few seconds.”

Still shaking, Seiko nodded. It was a plan, which they needed.

Jinta said no more, already starting his prayer. In the same moment, Artorias leapt into the air, Abyss billowing around him. In an instant, the Abyss shot Artorias forward, allowing him to cover the distance of the entire coliseum in the blink of an eye. Seiko dove left to avoid it, rolling smoothly but struggling to get up completely.

N:  Maybe instead of giving a detailed explanation of what you were going to do, you should’ve just gone and done it Jinta.

C:  Man, it really would’ve helped BRSue if she had another way to heal herself.  Like a flask containing a liquid that restores health when drunk.

C:  Sadly, no such magic exists in Dark Souls apparently.

She stood between Artorias and Jinta. Jinta could move, but he had to focus on speaking, and was supposed to think of nothing else but his prayer for the best effect.

W:…Author admit it, you’re making up the rules to your version of Dark Souls as you go aren’t you?

C:  Seriously, this has no precedent.  And for the record, miracles in Dark Souls tend to be very silent, makes you wonder why BRSue isn’t a pro at them.

Artorias wasn’t having it, turning and jumping again, this time in a tight flip that brought all of his weight down with his heavy sword. If Seiko blocked, she’d be crushed. If she dodged, Jinta would be crushed.

N:  Yes!  She is so strong she’s apparently on par with Smough the Executioner but she can’t block an attack from Artorias because…lazy writing says so.

So she did neither. Mimicking Jinta’s blind bravery moments before, Seiko ran forward, too close for the greatsword to hit, and jumped. With her katana pointed up, Seiko used the weight of Artorias’ own attack to stab through his left shoulder. The attack spun Artorias, causing him to land on his right shoulder and miss Jinta. Seiko landed behind Artorias, going to her right knee to absorb the fall. She switched her sword to her left hand, using her right to push on her knee to force herself up. Jinta should almost be done, so she turned to run for him, but the same right knee gave out and she stumbled. Artorias was up and Jinta was running, still trying not to miss a single word or stutter or breath in the middle of a verse. Artorias swung, Jinta ducked… And slammed his palm on Seiko’s head, grabbing it.

“… by holy Soothing Sunlight!” finished Jinta, his entire body tense and ready to be cut down. His job was done. He’d reached her in time. Even if Artorias killed him now, Jinta believed Seiko would find a way to win. He let go of Seiko’s head, noting, somewhere in the back of his mortally terrified mind, how beautiful her hair was.

C:  You know, for a miracle that was only supposed to take a few seconds, that sure felt like it took awhile.  Also buddy, this is frakking Artorias of the Abyss, there is a chance that she might lose, she lost to the Sanctuary Guardian on her first try in the story’s first real Dark Souls moment.  Secondly, maybe you should actually to TRY to help her before you lay down and accept your death.  That kind of “there’s no point in trying” attitude is what leads to the birth of Hollows.

For Seiko, it was like her first breath in several minutes. She could move. She had command of her body and her strength… And her Pyromancy.

W:  Uh, did she ever lose control of it?

N:  Apparently she did, would’ve been nice to have been informed about that, but then we would’ve had to interrupt this story’s fifth daily naval gazing session.

She began to stand, moving passed Jinta by less than a centimeter and slashing up and left to deflect Artorias’ sword just in time. Sparks flew as the two near-indestructible blades glanced off each other, Seiko’s going up over Jinta’s head, Artorias’ slamming into the brick floor to her right. With her free right hand, Seiko thrust her palm forward, loosing a gout of Fire Surge. Artorias stumbled back a step, taken off-guard by his future daughter’s blue flames.

C:  Oh, Jinta didn’t die.  Well that’s a pity, it would’ve been like Dark Souls if that had happened, but I think its been established that we aren’t here to witness the desperate attempts of an unlikely hero struggling against a cruel and uncaring world.  We’re supposed to point and gawk at how awesome these two are and talk about their twe wuv, because it’s so special that it doesn’t need proper depth.

“Move,” commanded Seiko, her voice full of her willpower. Jinta, still shocked he was alive, was only able to react by turning around. When he saw and understood how Seiko had deflected the blow that should have killed him, Jinta took a step back. His prayer had affected him as well, but his mind and heart were still broken.

W:  Dear Lord in heaven, will you just grow up already?  And what did you see that caused you to understand how you were still alive?

Artorias flailed his empty armored left hand, spewing an odd, Abyss corrupted goo. Seiko, still far more focused than Jinta, kicked her left foot back, hitting Jinta in the chest. Jinta flew onto his back, out of range of the goo, leaving Seiko to roll to the right in an odd manner, her leg still sticking out. It took discipline and focus to not gut herself with her own sword in the process.

N:  Anyone else notice that BRSue seems to be beating the shit out of Jinta a lot in the past few updates?  A love that will surpass the ages ladies and gents.

C:  Also, what’s this about her rolling with her leg sticking out?  That’s just…does that even work?

Coming out of the roll, Seiko crossed her left arm over her body, her katana pointed down, to block Artorias’ next swing. Meant to catch her off-guard, the swing was back-handed. Greatsword master that he was, Artorias had twisted his hips and back perfectly to give the attack all the force possible. Seiko was sent into the air, but she was able to land on her feet, her boots skidding over the stone brick floor. Now Jinta was the closest target, so Artorias took a step forward to get in range and swung overhead. It was a perfectly flowing move from his last attack. Jinta, still holding his talisman, cast Force to block. It was weak, a sign of his faith wavering and his focus being shot.

W:  Author.  We.  Get.  It.  Jinta is a whiny little shit who’s having a full blown emotional melt down because he needs help from his super special awesome girlfriend.

C:  How the Hell did this guy make it this far without going Hollow?  Someone like this would’ve given up in three seconds.

Still, it was enough to stop Artorias’ blow. In the meantime, Seiko ran back within range and slashed at Artorias’ exposed ribs. She passed from Artorias’ right to his left, cutting across his armor just under his breast. Spinning, Seiko slashed again, cutting into Artorias’ limp arm. His armor, once as unbreakable as his sword, parted, sheering off the empty arm. The moment his armor hit the bricks, it crumpled like a tin can until only a purplish crushed ball was left. The crushing Abyss forgave nothing.

N:  Congratulations, you cut off his bad arm, I’m sure that’ll be so helpful.   Also, why the Hell are you spinning?  So much for no insane attacks huh BRSue?

(Mary Sue Counter: 66)

Artorias, stunned more than wounded, simply looked at her. Seiko took it as an opportunity, stepping forward for another slash. She stopped and jumped back when she saw the Abyss rising around Artorias, right up out of the bricks. The legendary knight issued another agonized moan and pulling even more Abyss into his body. On the outside, it looked as if Artorias were using the Abyss to strengthen himself. But within, Artorias already had the strength to end the fight. It wasn’t about more power, it was about the Abyss further corrupting and controlling him. The knight himself didn’t want to fight. Didn’t want to kill an innocent. But the Abyss was another story. It had joined with the Abyss inside Seiko, and it knew everything about her. But now, so did Artorias. He could see her trying to plan. As a great warrior, he knew when he outmatched an opponent. Now he was being forced to watch as his body attempted the murder of his own daughter… Ciaran had never told him. Maybe never had the chance… As more of his ability to resist faded, Artorias did all he could to reign back his power. Pulled every blow he could, even just a little. Anything to let himself be stopped. Even at the hand of his future daughter.

W:  *SLAM*  Jesus, we’re gonna be killed by one of those walls someday.  Author, I’m not joking, you really need to cut it out with this.  Stop bringing the actions to a grinding halt so that you can shove more information down our throats.  The middle of a fight scene is no place for exposition, especially if its exposition that comes right the hell out of nowhere and doesn’t make a whole lot of sense considering the circumstances.  We’re following BRSue and Jinta, why are we having things explained to us that they don’t know?

How can they fight this way…? thought Jinta. He was useless, watching and avoiding Artorias. Why wasn’t he distracting the enemy? Or even fighting?!

C:  Because he’s too busy being a whiny prat.

Jinta watched as Seiko closed in, traded blows with Artorias, then escaped before Artorias could corrupt her. Seiko never blocked; it was useless to try. She always deflected or dodged Artorias’ attacks, her own undeveloped strength no match for her battle-hardened father. Any other sword would have broken long ago, but Seiko’s black sword, compressed from two Black Knight Greatswords, was one to rival the Greatsword of Artorias.

N:  And remember, she couldn’t use the great swords because they were big, and that’s a deal breaker apparently.

Jinta realized two things as the sparks flew and bricks shattered.

W:  Oh goody, this should be fun.

First, Seiko had been stronger once, before she’d gone Hollow. It was so obvious to him now, as he watched Artorias, that he felt dumb for not noticing before.

C:…How?  How do you know that?  No seriously, I want you to explain to me, in detail, how that makes any sort of fucking sense whatsoever.  She used to be stronger…because her Dad is strong?  Are you even trying?

 Second, a revelation crashed over him like the Abyss itself. Seiko hadn’t given up. She wasn’t even nervous anymore. Her blue eyes glowed with the same silent certainty they always had. Even when she’d just lost a large part of what had made her so strong, Seiko didn’t show a single sign of backing down. In fact, she was more aggressive than Artorias!

N:  Ok.  And?

How? What within her allows her to be so…

Then it hit him. So simple and so cliché, if he weren’t standing in a battle ground he might have even laughed. It was him. Jinta himself was what drove her ever onward. Ever higher. Simply by being with her, needing her help, Jinta had pushed her further than anything else before. In the beginning, she’d chased him to move forward. When she’d caught up she’d practically dragged him by the hand through every trial afterward. Now here they were again, Jinta needing Seiko’s help, and Seiko rising to the challenge. It was him. And if he could fuel her willpower so strongly, why couldn’t she do the same to him…?

N:  Agh!  You know, I’m actually in a fairly complicated relationship and I have to say all of this makes me want to puke up a rainbow.  First of all, how about you follow the ancient rule, don’t TELL us how his presence is causing her to not give up, SHOW us, and while you’re at it EXPLAIN it in a more detailed way than “it just is.”  I’m getting really sick of how you feel the urge to spell out every last little thing for us.

Seiko could feel it. There was music in this fight. Every clang of metal, footfall, rush of air behind steel, and shattering brick had a place. Even the bare seconds between each clash fell like beats of rest. No Abyss, not much time for Pyromancy, Seiko fought with her agility and skill alone. It was impossible to match her father’s strength, and she could no longer expect to be immune to the Abyss, so she finally had nothing left to her but what she’d been born with. She could match Artorias this way, but if the fight carried on as it was, Seiko would eventually lose. It came down to stamina, and Seiko couldn’t match the endless power of the Abyss that controlled Artorias. Even as Seiko realized this, the record scratched in its player. The music of battle ground to a halt.

W:  BRSue, please explain something to me.  What skill?  Exactly what skill do you posses?  You have no skill whatsoever, you’ve gotten through all of your problems by charging blindly at them and just brute forcing your way through it when things aren’t getting directly handed to you on a silver platter.  So, again, what skill could you possibly have that’s helping you right now?

“Move!” commanded Jinta.

Jinta leapt from behind Artorias, just as he’d done to Gwyn, and stabbed down into both of Artorias’ shoulders. Not nearly as stable as Gwyn had been, Artorias went down to one knee. Seiko barely stopped her current attack in time to avoid beheading Jinta.

C:  Has anyone ever noticed that the coordination between these two…sucks?  If BRSue isn’t knocking Jinta on his ass because she refuses to talk to him, he jumps right into the middle of a fight without thinking about it and nearly gets his head cut off.  Is there anyone in this world who can actually think!?

Letting go of his swords, Jinta put both hands on his talisman and pressed it to the back of Artorias’ head. Seiko jumped back, hearing Jinta rattling off the entire verse for Wrath of The Gods in the seconds between his command and pinning Artorias. Her memories flashed, only for an instant, on when Jinta had saved her in the Duke’s Archives.

“…by The Wrath Of The Gods!” stated Jinta, as if ending a powerful sermon.

White light and black Abyss smoke exploded from the spot. After the initial ringing in Seiko’s ears from the overpressure, she could hear Artorias roaring in pain. Jinta planted his feet and yanked his holy swords out of Artorias, hopping back.

“Together,” agreed Jinta, at last.

Seiko couldn’t help but smile her confidence.

N:  Pinning Artorias?  You know, call me crazy, but considering that Artorias is around eight to ten feet tall, I don’t think that Jinta could really pin him.

(Gary Stu Counter: 13)

C:  Wait, is that another-oh crap GET DOWN!

Every witness to the fight could tell instantly, Jinta had changed. For Seiko, who’d seen him change before, it was even more obvious. For someone so dextrous, Seiko had always wondered what would happen if Jinta had to fight someone without using a shield. For a few seconds, she stood and watched, understood, and was impressed by what she saw. With Artorias’ weapon, even with all his strength, he could only swing a limited number of ways, and had to telegraph every motion to do it. Jinta saw every single attack coming now that he was focused. Just like when Seiko had seen him fight a Black Knight in the dark, she could see the white streaks of energy from every slash Jinta made. A spinning dodge here, a duck and flip there, always attacking as he moved and always one step ahead of his slow opponent, Jinta exuded determination. He’d never been self-confident, or physically strong compared to Seiko, but he had something Seiko didn’t have.

He’d never told Seiko how he’d recovered from being Hollow. He assumed it was unimpressive and uneventful. It had been a decision. Not a normal one, of course. His broken spirit and sanity had one day come together and simply began again. As if his being had decided it was time for change. Time to do something. And here, again, Jinta had that same feeling. It was time for a change. Time to do something. He’d had enough of relying on Seiko’s help. Had enough of being dragged along by “fate” and the decisions of others. He’d decided to fight, come death or corruption, and that’s exactly what he was going to do.

W:  Gah!  What is with those massive walls of text!?  Where to start with this one.  Ah, how about this.  Witness to the event?  What witnesses would those happen to be?  Did the Marvelous Chester sneak in and is now watching the fight?  And I’m glad to see that Jinta got over his horribly contrived “Crawling in my Skin” session and that now he is…changed…by…things.

N:  Also, Hollowing is the most brittle process in this world.  It got reversed and he recovered his sanity because…it just happened.  I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again.  Hollowing, can NOT, be reversed.

(Gary Stu Counter: 14)

C:  And for the third time.  SHOW DON’T TELL!

“Block!” ordered Jinta.

Without question, Seiko pointed her katana at the ground and swung it up and to the left, like a windmill’s arm. Perfectly, she deflected Artorias’ current attack, giving Jinta time to make several slashes while spinning around the Abysswalker. Surrounded again, Artorias spun to take advantage of his deflected blow, aiming to cut both of his enemies in half at the waist. Seiko ducked and Jinta jumped, both turning their motion into an attack. Both slashes were upward, nearly unbalancing Artorias. Before they could strike again, Artorias’ body called even more Abyss to it. The Abyss was growing furious with Artorias’ ability to resist.

W:  What ability to resist?  What the Hell are you even talking about?

“When it’s clear, Acid Surge!” yelled Jinta, over the tumult. Seiko saw him holding his talisman, and soon saw a barrier around him. She knew what he planned to do by that, so she complied, inhaling deeply. The very second Artorias dropped the Abyss, Seiko breathed the acid out, almost completely obscuring Artorias from her sight. She couldn’t see Jinta either, until streaks of white light appeared over and over inside the rust red cloud. She could hear Jinta hollaring in rage and effort, and saw Artorias’ greatsword appear on the edges of the cloud several times. All at once, the strategy ended, Jinta leaping out of the cloud after slashing at Artorias once more. Seiko saw his barrier fade almost the instant he stood by her. Artorias rushed out of the cloud, faster than before, spinning and holding the greatsword out. From above he looked like a pinwheel, and his boots forced sparks from the bricks underfoot. Jinta jumped back and Seiko ducked again. When Artorias stopped spinning, after two rotations, Seiko slashed at his sword arm, near the shoulder. Abyss smoke escaped the gap and his arm went limp. He still gripped the sword, but now he could only flail it with his weight.

C:  Wait, Jinta can create a barrier?  Has he ever done this before?  I certainly don’t remember any instances of him creating barriers, and if he could have he really should’ve.  There are more than a few instances, including that bit where he got emo and nearly decapitated, where such an ability could’ve come in handy.  And just like that, the two of them have ruined Artorias’ remaining good arm with barely taking a scratch.

(Gary Stu Counter: 15)

(Mary Sue Counter: 67)

Can you use Power Within?” asked Jinta, a bit further back than Seiko. She dodged Artorias’ next attack and gave a thumbs up with her free right hand. She tossed her katana from her left hand back to her right, where it had began the fight.

“You?” asked Seiko.

“I’ve got a plan,” said Jinta, “But I’ll need time again.”

Seiko didn’t answer. She didn’t even need to look back. Jinta was good at finding the right strategy to end a fight, and she trusted him.

N:  He can?  Because this is news to me.  Author, stop pulling character traits out of thin air and slapping them onto characters with the ancient technique of TELLING INSTEAD OF SHOWING!

Artorias, stepping forward to shift his weight properly, slashed upward with his limp greatsword, stepping forward again to force it down as he bent his back. Seiko side-stepped the upward slash, then tried to block the downward slash by putting her katana over her head. She assumed it would only be the falling weight of the greatsword. Her mistake pushed her to her left knee to absorb the intense blow. Artorias wasn’t such an amateur; he’d used his steps and the muscles of his back to add force to his swing and it was almost as strong as when he’d had use of his arm. But that moment gave Seiko her opportunity. She let her blue flames blossom in her left hand and pressed the hand to her chest, letting Power Within take hold. Almost instantly, she could stand, pushing Artorias’ sword to her right with her katana. It forced Artorias’ arm to cross over his body, normally making it useless to attack. But, again, Artorias showed his prowess, stepping to his left and twisting his hips and shoulders to swing the sword back-handed and attempt to chop Seiko in her ribs. Seiko jumped, threw her sword in the air, and blinded Artorias by taking off her coat and throwing it at his face. She hit the ground, caught her katana, and jumped forward. Using the ground-breaking force of her jump, Seiko kicked Artorias in the head. Artorias flew back, hitting the floor on his back and bouncing. The knight gained his feet as Seiko’s coat fluttered to the ground between them.

C:  You know, this is very stupid.  Not only am I rather underwhelmed by Artorias being blinded by a simple cloak, but how come she chose to kick him instead of just stabbing him?  A think a sword thrust through the chest would do more to make him go down and stay down dearie.

In that exchange, Jinta had knelt with his talisman, praying aloud to a new source.

“Solaire…? I know you can hear me… You’ve taken Gwyn’s place. You were his son. I’m sure you’re the Lord of Sunlight now. You found the sun you always searched for… Well, you asked me to end the cycle of death, and here I am, hunting down a way. Time is convoluted. If it’s in your power… Lend me your strength! We can’t win without it!”

A few seconds of silence for Jinta, the same seconds that Seiko blinded and kicked Artorias. Then, an answer Jinta did not expect. His falchion glowed in its sheath, so he drew it. The blade was golden, glowing like the afternoon sun.

“Sunlight Blade?!” said Jinta, having expected another barrier or some bodily aid.

“If this is what you think I need…” said Jinta, speaking to the nonexistent Solaire again.

Jinta rose from his kneeling position, putting both hands on his sword and rushing forward.

N:…*Sigh*.  So now we’re moving on to Dues Ex Machina.  Possibly a quite literal Dues Ex Machina.

C:  Look, I like Solaire as much as the next guy, but he can’t just give random blessings to power up swords like that.  Not only is there no precedent for him having this power, he really isn’t in a position to be doing this anyway.  He isn’t really taking the position of Gwyn, he’s more being used as kindling so that the First Flame can continue allowing his brother Gwyndolin-oh right I’m sorry that’s too canon for this story.  This story is about some convoluted thing with time standing still and it continuing until Gwyn can be replaced.  Silly me.

(Gary Stu Counter: 16)

W:  So after that, Jinta tells BRSue to charge in and knock Artorias off balance before backing off and letting go of Power Within.  Because if she doesn’t, BRSue thinks it will knock her out.

N:  You know, instead of kill her like it’s supposed to.

Seiko heard him, but didn’t show recognition. She just charged Knight Artorias, swapping her sword to her left hand in preparation. Artorias, just as she thought, went for the powerful swing across his hips, slashing for Seiko’s left side. Seiko blocked with her katana, her blade and arm shivering from the force and a loud ringing issued forth. Skidding to a stop right in Artorias’ face, Seiko palmed a blue fireball in her right hand and threw it like a professional baseball player, beaning the Abysswalker right in the face

C:  Once again, the use of modern terminology in a medieval era game.  Don’t you just love this?  I don’t know why Tolken didn’t say that Aaragon’s sword blows hit like a runaway ice-cream truck, it would’ve been so elegant.

The fireball exploded and Artorias stumbled back. With no way to counter, he was open if only Seiko was in a position to hit him. But just because she wasn’t, didn’t mean he got off easy. Jinta reached the scene at exactly the right time, stabbing Artorias in the gut with his falchion, Sunlight Blade sending lightning through Artorias’ entire body. Golden light flooded out of every gap in Artorias’ tainted armor, and a different, inhuman scream echoed from his helmet. Jinta put a foot on Artorias’ chest and pulled his falchion out, then proceeded to slash the knight over and over, taking every second he had to inflict maximum damage. Behind him, Seiko had released Power Within and was struggling to stand. Her body felt like it was being eaten from the inside out, lactic acid and latent heat forcing her ability to fight right out of her body. All she could do was watch as Jinta put Sunlight Blade to the best use possible.

N:  Huh.  Power Within is actually hurting her and impairing her ability to fight.  I’m genuinely surprised.  Not very impressed though, she only lost her fighting edge after Jinta started tearing Artorias to shreds.

When Artorias finally managed to struggle out a flailing attack, Jinta was too fast to catch, jumping back and running around Artorias’ left side, slashing all the way. Now behind Artorias, close to the coliseum wall, Jinta jumped toward the wall. Pushing off deftly, Jinta flipped back toward Artorias, slashing left to right at Artorias’ neck. His lightning-filled blade passed right through Artorias’ weakened armor and he landed on a knee in front of Artorias. Behind him, the once-proud Abysswalker went to his knees, the tip of his sword being forced into the bricks to support him on weight alone…

C:  Uh, Jinta, would you mind not showing off like a complete and utter prick?  Backflips are not exactly something you should be doing in the middle of a pitched battle with a corrupted knight, especially one as powerful as Artorias.  Not that you’d know from this chapter, because, once again, Jinta and BRSue beat a boss on their first time instead of having to go back and try again like you’re SUPPOSED TO in Dark Souls!

For a moment, nothing happened. Jinta’s falchion returned to normal, forcing him to wonder what he could do next if Artorias survived. His worry was for nothing, however, as the sound of a section of Artorias’ armor denting in creaked out. Another section, then another was crushed into Artorias’ body by the force of the Abyss he could no longer withstand. Both Jinta and Seiko couldn’t believe what they heard next…

“Thank… You…” came a breath on the wind, from behind Jinta. Artorias’ armor consumed him, crushing everything within to nothing but a corrupted ball of useless metal. His sword remained where it had been forced into the floor, also corrupted heavily. Jinta and Seiko both fell to the floor where they stood, exhausted…

N:  And with that, this chapter is over…this was one of the worst ones so far.  Granted there’s some quality writing in the fight itself, but the overall direction was awful.  This was Artorias, Artorias the goddamn Abyss Walker.  He is supposed to be one of the toughest boss fights in the game, and the two of them just walked all over him.  Oh yeah the chapter tried to dress up their situation, make it seem worse than it really was, but lets be honest, the set backs these two suffered were minor at best.  It is everything that is wrong with this story.

C:  In fact this chapter is a good summary for the story’s flaws.  False drama, making it look like the heroes are having it tough when in reality they’re curb stomping everyone, the narrative spiraling out of control and in random directions, making things up as they go along, ass pulls from hell, and over reliance on a bland underdeveloped relationship.  All we need is BRSue being worried about her feet getting wet, reminding us she doesn’t like to talk, and a few anime girls and everything would be complete.

W:  And there’s still more to go?  Exactly what is there left to talk about?  Ugh, I don’t even want to know.  I’m lost enough as it is.  See you next time folks.

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