2392: SUECOM: Mirror Image – Chapter 2, Part 1
Posted: August 3, 2019 Filed under: Stargate, XCOM, XSGCOM: Mirror Image | Tags: Adventure, Stargate SG-1, Stu-Over, Television, Video Game, XCOM 20 Comments
Title: XSGCOM Mirror Image
Author: Hotpoint
Topic: X-COM: UFO Defence/Stargate SG1
Media: Video game/TV show
Genre: Adventure
URL: Chapter 2
Critiqued by Crazy Minh
Hello folks, and welcome back to “XSGCOM: Mirror Image”! I’m your guest host, Crazy Minh, and today we cover the first part of the second chapter! Now for a recap!
Previously on XSGCOM: Mirror Image…
SUECOM SOLDIER: What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little bitch? I’ll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Navy Seals, and I’ve been involved in numerous secret raids on Al-Quaeda, and I have over 300 confirmed kills. I am trained in gorilla warfare and I’m the top sniper in the entire UK armed forces. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of spies across the world and you’re being located right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You’re fucking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that’s just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the United Kingdom Marine Corps and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your question was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. You’re fucking dead, kiddo.
MAJOR WADE: Hey, all I asked was where the bathroom was! You don’t have to get defensive! Also, stop snarling at the wall. It’s giving me the wrong impression.
***
MAJOR WADE: So what’s this thing?
SUECOM SOLDIER: It’s da most powarful gun in da house!
MAJOR WADE: It looks like a bright red dildo.
SUECOM SOLDIER: Well, what do you think we use it for? Killing aliens?
***
SUECOM SOLDIER: We’re so xenophobic that we’re going to kill Earth’s most powerful ally, even though we stand no chance at all!
MAJOR WADE: Oh god…you can’t do that! The Asgard are our friends!
SUECOM SOLDIER: THEY’RE CALLED SECTOIDS YOU SACK OF SHIT!!! WE LOVE WATCHING THEM GET VIVISECTED!!! IT’S CALLED MOVIE NIGHT AROUND THERE PARTS!!!
MAJOR WADE: Um…I’ve gotta go…I don’t have time for assholes.
And now the continuation…
2374: SUECOM: Mirror Image – Chapter 1, Part 3
Posted: July 13, 2019 Filed under: Stargate, XCOM, XSGCOM: Mirror Image | Tags: Adventure, Stargate SG-1, Stu-Over, TV Show, Video Game, XCOM 20 Comments
Title: XSGCOM Mirror Image
Author: Hotpoint
Topic: X-COM: UFO Defence/Stargate SG1
Media: Video game/TV show
Genre: Adventure
URL: Chapter 1
Critiqued by Crazy Minh
Hello Patrons, and welcome back to another instalment of ‘XSGCOM: Mirror Image’ the Stargate/X-COM fanfic which has pissed me off twice now! I’m your guest riffer, Crazy Minh, and today we’re going to take a gander at the third part of the first chapter of this nonsense! Now for a recap!
Previously on XSGCOM: Mirror Image…
SUECOM SOLDIERS: LET’S BE RACIST XENOPHOBES AND KILL ALL THESE ALIENS!!! FUCK YEAH!!!
RANDOM JAFFA: GAWD NO!!! I’M GOING TO BE DISSECTED!!! I’LL NEVER SEE MY WIFE OR CHILDREN AGAIN!!
***
GEORGE S. (for Sue) HAMMOND: Imma going to betray one of my closest friends cause the Sue!Pentagon told me to! It’s not like I’ve disobeyed them before, right? Like that time I personally went to Chulak to raise a army to save SG1 from Hathor!
O’NEILL: Well that’s OK, sir. I know we’re in a badfic anyway! Or something…why are we discussing this without Teal’c here anyway? Shouldn’t he get a say in whether or not he gets cut up by xenophobic morons or not, sir?
GEORGE S. (for Sue) HAMMOND: Of course not! We’re not going to do the honourable thing anyway! This is a den of thieves! Thieves I say!
2352: SUECOM: Mirror Image – Chapter 1, Part 2
Posted: June 10, 2019 Filed under: Stargate, XCOM, XSGCOM: Mirror Image | Tags: Adventure, Gary Stumanity, Stargate SG-1, Stu-Over, Television, Video Game, XCOM 35 Comments
STARRING:
WILLIAM SHATNER CRAZY MINH as CAPTAIN KIRK CRAZY MINH
And
LENOARD NIMOY as COMMANDER SPOCK SIR-NOT-APPEARING-IN-THIS-RIFF-‘CAUSE-HE’S-DEAD (Ethan bloody Peck is #Notmyspock)
Title: XSGCOM Mirror Image
Author: Hotpoint
Topic: X-COM: UFO Defence/Stargate SG1
Media: Video game/TV show
Genre: Adventure
URL: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/3631062/1/XSGCOM_Mirror_Image
Critiqued By Crazy Minh
Hello patrons, and welcome back to ‘SUECOM: Mirror Image’, alternatively titled ‘XSGCOM: Mirror Image’ or ‘XSGCOM: Goa’uld Defence’! I’m your guest riffer Crazy Minh, and today we tackle the second part of chapter one. Last time on this trainwreck of a badfic, X-COM were introduced as the story’s Gary Stumanity analogue; some bumblefuck Jaffa got their asses wrecked to showcase how X-COM has no sense of tact or restraint; and I got so mad that the Bongo’s FHRPAEH magazines were depleted in a prolonged barrage of rocket-propelled hammers! Now, we resume our story just where we left off; from the perspective of a captive Jaffa, who I feel very, very sorry for…
2341: XSGCOM: Mirror Image – Chapter 1
Posted: May 27, 2019 Filed under: Stargate, XCOM, XSGCOM: Mirror Image | Tags: Adventure, Gary Stumanity, Stargate SG-1, Stu-Over, Television, Video Game, XCOM 22 CommentsSpace, the Final Frontier…these are the voyages of the Starship Bongo. It’s five year mission: To explore new frontiers of shitty fanfic. To seek out the worst writing that fandom can muster. To boldly riff where no one has riffed before…
CZM: Hello, and welcome to the next chapter of ‘A Purple Wolf…’
[A redshirt walks up and hands Minh a PADD]
CZM: Oh. Looks like we have a change in orders. Ladies and Gentlemen, prepare yourselves for a really, really bad X-COM/Stargate crossover:
Title: XSGCOM: Mirror Image
Author: Hotpoint
Media: Video Game/TV Show
Topic: X-COM: UFO Defence/Stargate: SG1
Genre: Adventure
URL: Chapter 1
Critiqued by Crazy Minh
CZM: Let’s give some background on the show. Stargate is a TV franchise owned by Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer that originated with the 1994 feature film Stargate. The show was then revived three years later for the TV show Stargate: SG1, which is set a year after the events of the feature film. There were two further spinoffs, Stargate: Atlantis (Set aboard the city-ship Atlantis); and Stargate: Universe (which was a Star Trek: Voyager-esque series set aboard the generation ship Destiny, and which was the lowest-rated instalment, resulting in the cancellation of the show). After the cancellation of the franchise in the early 2000’s, there was a brief revival in 2017 in the form of the miniseries Stargate: Origins, which explored what happened with the Stargate in the 1940’s. I could go into a excessively detailed explanation of the entire history of the Stargate universe (which I ~totally~ didn’t already do in a early draft of this riff), but I’m going to avoid that, and instead refer you towards the movie Stargate first, then SG-1, followed by Atlantis and very optionally Universe. Also, I’m dropping the script-format here. There’s really no need for it, seeing as Biskit’s……back on vacation. Ok. Switching tenses in three…two…one…brace!
[Suspenseful music plays as Minh presses a button marked ‘Format Transformation’. A light flashes on and off on the Captain’s console, with nothing dramatic really happening. A nearby Redshirt suffers a heart attack however, due to the implied tension.]
Library of the Damned 
Recent Comments