1911: A customary waffles to an isolated existence – One Shot (Chapters 1 – 8)

Title: A customary waffles to an isolated existence
Author: Hamiltonlover2002
Media: Books/Musicals/Fanfiction
Topic: Harry Potter/Hamilton/My Immortal
Genre: Humor and Romance
URL:  Chapter One
Critiqued by Angie

It gets worse!

Welcome back, guys, gals and non-binary pals and I’m reviewing the long awaited sequel to “A spiritual waffles after an isolate existence”. This was written more than a year after the original because it’s clearly a story that needed to be continued. This sequel is significantly shorter, clocking in at just under seven hundred words, where the original was around sixteen hundred. Keep in mind these are both several chapters long. It’s also significantly worse, seeing as the grammar quality took a massive nose dive.

(Note: When I copied this onto Google Docs, it rounded out to one and a half pages. This is going to be mighty fun.)

Let’s begin.

Burr-ito started singing aboot hystori or sometin but I was not paing atention beecaus I was kising Hermyownee again

See what I mean? This is a problem that all My Immortal copies suffer from; trying to act too much like My Immortal, ending up with a product that is less so-good-it’s-bad, and more no-fun-for-anyone. Even after a year, the author still seems to forget what gave My Immortal its “charm”.

We held hands anf sudenli I feel my stomach hurt.

I strp ofer Hamilton who was in the proccess of dieing and went to the batroom

Maoning Mirtle was there butt I ignore her and drink some blood.

So…wait a minute. Wasn’t Moaning Myrtle a problem in the original fanfiction, considering nobody could go to any bathroom without there being a Moaning Myrtle there? Following the logic of the first fic, there’s no way that Snape could go to any bathroom. This is still a problem though, because the logic of the original fic made no fucking sense.

When I come back Alexander Hamilton had his hair blond but Hermionee was gone?

…

…

Heh. That was actually kinda clever.

Still stupid though, because he clearly said that Aaron shot Alex at the end of the first fic.

I looked around, looked around, at how lucky I was to bee alive rigt now- no that was Alexis singing oops

For those confused…

 

I’m getting really tired of doing that.

I look in my closset and find Herman kissing Lunaa lLovegood.

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha *deep breath* ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.

 

It must be tru tgen, I sayd.

Oh no Space!” Hermyone shouted soflty!

You musy love good. I sayeth sadly.

This would be the better time to make the ‘gay because fanfiction’ gag, rather than making the gag for someone who was actually gay.

I ran away, tripping over a sad burr who thout he kil hamilton

Here’s a fact for ya; Burr never once regretted shooting Hamilton, regardless of what they say in the musical (or this fanfiction). He once referred to Alex as “my friend, whom I shot.” Of course the author would include a misconception rather than one of the many things Lin got right about Hamilton.

and still singing about hisyoria and eliza with garry potter who call himself vampire the orphan walking behind her. I ignore them because I am SAD.

…then why did you mention it? And if they didn’t say anything to you, why would there be anything for you specifically to ignore? It’s not like they’re breaking any rules, unless this is a kitchen sink with Footloose, which I doubt.

I go to the forbidden forest and run into my hodchild Drako Malfoy and he sees me cri.

Why you cry? He asks, hugging an apple close (AN: I ship Drapple! If u hate I will blok!)

It’s clear that the author is trying to appeal to a certain crowd on Tumblr, but the Drapple fangirls died out a long time ago.

(And even then it was too late.)

Hermina cheated with Lona!

Oh no, Draco said. Did you know bananas are good for you?

Great use of quotation marks there, buddy.

I am notbready got a relationship Fraco. I said, sadly.

Okay. Pineapples is veri sour, Don t date, It eats away your flesh.”” Deaco advice.

Hey, there they are! I knew they would come around eventually.

Also, the idea of Draco being well-versed in which fruits you should and shouldn’t date is neither funny nor clever.

Thank you. I say to Draco. He is a wide man.

Was…was that actually a fat joke?

…

Okay.

“WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING YOU MOTHERFUKERS!”

It was….Dumblydore

He must hav a headache okay.

That would make sense, seeing as neither Snape nor Draco were making out keenly against a tree and taking of their clothes.

“LEAVE ME AND MY APPLE ALONE!” draco shouted and turned into a bat with straigt teeth and wgite because he is a vampure like me

Hopefully that’s the end of that gag that went on for too long anyway.

I left the forrest and wenr to my room. Blond Alexander Hamilton was still in my room all alon and he was beeing very c-r-o-s-s (there’s no way I am writing that) so I gave him a steak (not that kills a vampite because Hamilton is a vampire noe!)

Oh yeah, this is a crossover with Hamilton! I totally forgot, sorry guys.

Hamilton was writing because he is non-stop so Me, Blond Hamilton, Drako and Aaron Burr (although we call him Diabolo now. He has black hair now with blue streaks in it.)

Alexander joins forces with me and Drako to write a series of songs defending the goffics, entitled The Bloody Gothic Rose 666.

Hey, that’s the same band that occurred in My Immortal! What a fun little easter egg, seeing as nothing else in this fic suggests that it probably takes place in the same universe and *headdesk* *headdesk* *headdesk* *headdesk*

The plan was to write a total of twenty-five songs, the work divided evenly among the three men. In the end, they wrote eighty-five songs, in the span of 666 seconds. Drako e started to cry wisely. (c dats basically nut swering and dis time he wuz relly upset n u wil c y)after five songs. I wrote twenty-nine. Hamilton wrote the other fifty-one!

Blah blah blah Non-Stop, blah blah blah Federalist Papers, blah blah blah John Jay, blah blah blah James Madison, blah blah blah. This gag wasn’t even funny the first time!

After writing sings I decide to take a bath (in blood of course) and I felt very #sad. Why? Because I am a gotfic.

Because, as we all know, nobody’s allowed to be sad unless they’re gothic. Because of logic, obviously.

Not that one.

There we go.

Then I looked out the window and screamed… Hermyoen was spying on me and he was taking a video tape of me! And Lunaa was masticating to it! They were sitting on their broomsticks.

I feel like I’ve seen this somewhere before, maybe.

I was very scari.

I agree, but that was a little out of nowhere.

“EW, YOU FUCKING PERVS, STOP LOOKING AT ME NAKED! ARE YOU PEDOS OR WHAT!”

“Abra Kedavra!” I yelled at Snape pointing at my womb.

Now wait a minute. *puts on detective cap* Did we change perspectives somewhere? Are we to assume that Snape is pulling the Killing Curse on himself? Reading on, that’s definitely what happened, but are we sure we didn’t change perspective? I didn’t see an obnoxious bold POV banner, so I’m assuming not.

What I did not know was that I was mpreg from Holding Hands with Germiona! Then my baby died. And I cri blood because I am a vampire. My son!

Wow, we discovered and resolved a plot point within four sentences, two of which are just fragments. That’s actually genius, I love it. And I bet it’s going to culminate in…

Hamilton burst in and cried about philip and piano and uptoen is confuse.

Another shitty Hamilton reference! How did I know?!

 

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=rrsmUzqweBI

 

Then Aaron Burr comes in the room and he shouts Hamilton again

Oh boy, hopefully we get another sequel in another fourteen months that ends in the exact same way! I sure hope that’s how it happens.

So those were the two shitty My Immortal knockoffs—I mean Harry Potter/Hamilton crossovers. I think the thing these imitators don’t understand is what made My Immortal funny. Even My Immortal 2 understood this to an extent.

Join me next week when I tackle the topic of Danny Phantom and Kuzco having a kid.

…

I don’t know, I haven’t picked another fic. Bye!

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