1895: raccoon city tales: team beta – Oneshot

Title:  raccoon city tales: team beta
Author:  pantherxii
Media: Video Game
Topic: Resident Evil
Genre: Horror
URL: raccoon city tales: team beta
Critiqued by TacoMagic

Hey, patrons!  Given that I’m writing this on Halloween, I figured I’d keep with the spoopy theme and dig a Resident Evil fic out of my pile!

I’m so, so sorry.

Anyway, this week we’ve got a fic based loosely, very loosely, on Resident Evil 2, which is arguably the best game in the series.  Not that you’ll need to know much about the game, since it really won’t matter at all.  You’ll see why in… now:

This is part of a trilogy from points of views during the raccoon city outbreak

As you can see, this takes place in points of views.  Many of them. Various views and various points, even.  It will be an alpha-strike of perception!

and what I think what happened hope you guys enjoy.  Might turn this to M from violence

Those of you who were looking forward to a committal author, boy do I have some bad news for you.

So, we’ve seen the warning signs, so let’s check out the main event!  Or at least the author’s note before the main event.

This takes place in the lines of right after the virus hits raccoon city so five teams go to raccoon city but I’m only going to have three fanfics of it to show different person of views from the umbrella corporation or S.t.a.r.s.

So, this takes place in the queues that formed after the outbreak began, and there will be three fics to show the five persons of views from the two different perspectives.

I think I can guess why the fic series ended after one chapter.

Hope you guys enjoy it and I might add some of the characters from the series from leon to the group from operation: raccoon city.

Well will you look at that!  He might actually add some Resident Evil characters to his Resident Evil fic!  It would be a real treat to see those characters in a fic written about them.

Well, at least he didn’t add a disclaimer, so it’s not all bad.

A helicopter heads for raccoon city, a guy wearing a Umbrella corporation outfit and a gas mask covering his whole head holding a shotgun looks at the city.

He turns to his squad mates and says, “Mrffmrm, rmmrfm mmmrmm  mrmrfm!”

Seriously, it’s a zombie outbreak and both S.T.A.R.S. and Umbrella has dealt with this before and knows how the T-Virus spreads.  All wearing a gas mask does is make you look like an idiot.

I guess that isn’t entirely true, the gas mask does do one other thing: It makes you a lot easier to ambush and kill by limiting your field of view and hearing acuity.

“Alright, the plan is to get in and see the process of the virus and take down any hostilities and extract a member of Umbrella named Hunk.”

I’m sorry, I obviously haven’t had enough coffee and read that wrong.  Let me freshen up my cup and we’ll try that again.

*Taco walks over to the Suddenly There™ coffee spigot, fills his mug up, takes a giant swig, and sits back down at the riffing computer.*

Now, let’s see what that actually said.

a member of Umbrella named Hunk.

…

named Hunk.

…

Hunk.

*Snerk*

BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

This is filed under humor, right?

Genre: Horror

Author, I’m not entirely sure you understand what the word “horror” means.

(EDIT: I misremembered that HUNK actually is a canon character, which is why the Capcom RE team should be ashamed of themselves).

The guy with the gas mask also known as Hunter

Of course he is.  I bet he also won’t wear anything that isn’t either camouflage or gunmetal black.

explains while the helicopter lands in the city with the squad of 6 getting off with Hunter

*Swenia wheels in the Portable Porno Music Synthesizer and sets it to “1983”*

This fic is suddenly 64% more erotic than anticipated.

leading them farther in while the helicopter stays where it is.

Why is he leading them further into the helicopter?

“Maybe he wants a little privacy?  Not everyone likes having sex right out on the landing pad.”

You would think a guy who likes to have sex with six other people in a helicopter would be less bashful.

A guy with mid long black hair wearing a Umbrella outfit known as cody has a backpack filled with wires and a computer monitor leads the group to a house.

Okay, now why is this guy’s outfit named “cody”?  There are just so many questions and we haven’t even gotten four sentences into the first wall of text.

Oh, did I mention the formatting?

*CRUNCH*

You’re welcome for splitting it up.

Cody sets up the gear on a table with Hunter putting to people outside to watch their surroundings.

Nobody puts Hunter on the table!

“Nobody except Cody.”

Do you want to pull up a chair?

“Nope, just here for the unintentionally suggestive passages.”

Fair enough.

Cody turns the monitor to see all cameras of the city appear on the monitor.

I’m not sure how helpful a bunch of pictures of security cameras would be, but I suppose everyone has their own interests.  Camera spotting is far from the weirdest hobby I’ve ever heard of.

 “Team alpha is in the northeast part.”

Which, depending on the size of the city, is either unhelpful or very unhelpful.

Cody announces while on a screen is a horde of the undead running at a group of civilians and two police officers.

Which doesn’t make any sense; T-virus zombies don’t run.

Well, except for the dogs, but I don’t count those fuckers.

“Cody you stay here with tyler here to watch you.”

“Cody is going to do a strip tease!?”  *Swenia cranks the nob up on the PPMS up to 8*

That’d be pretty awkward, since Cody is a sentient suit of clothing.

“Mmmm, I love seeing Cody peeled off his man.”

How do you make things even more lewd than they already unintentionally are?

“It’s a gift.”

Hunter says while leaving the house to go find the group of civilians, a guy wearing a Umbrella outfit with short blonde hair also known as Tyler enters the room holding a assault rifle.

“So there are two Tylers?”

How do you mean?

“This guy’s gun-toting hair is also known as Tyler, which implies that there is another Tyler floating around, possibly getting ready to have it off with some clothing.”

I’m just sorta assuming that the hair is going to have sex with the suit.

“This is getting a little too kinky, even for me.”

Up the stairs is a guy with short brown hair in a Umbrella outfit wearing a gas mask also known as jack

*Swenia sits down in the chair and points into the fic* “See, now there are two Jacks!”

Not going to sit in, yeah?

“Shut it, I’m trying to figure out what the hell is going on with all these characters.”

enters a room to see a bed and a closet which he can hear banging from the other side of the closet.

*Swenia looks over at the PPMS* “Damn, it’s all the way over there and I just sat down.”

It’s the thought that counts.

Rookie come in.” Jack says while a guy with shoulder length black hair also known as rookie wearing a Umbrella rookie outfit and a gas mask enters the room holding a handgun.

“Just so we’re on the same page, we have clothes named Cody, blond hair named Tyler, a gas mask named Jack, black hair named Rookie, as well as a Tyler, Jack, and Rookie who seem to be unaccounted for.”

Don’t forget Hunk!

*Swenia snerks*

“Is that what you’re calling it, now?”

The two gets to the closet and opens it to see a guy in his mid forties scared.

Um, which two?

“I’m pretty sure it was black hair Rookie and the other Rookie, but it also could have been one of the two jacks.”

“What happened?” Jack asks “my wife came out of her grave

“I’m pretty sure this is getting too kinky even for Syl.”

and tried to kill me so I hid but she bit me in the process.”

If she bit you in the process of hiding, you probably didn’t do all that good a job at hiding.

“He was cowering in a closet so I wouldn’t call him a hide-n-seek champion.”

The guy explains so Jack punches him into the closet knocking him out and walks out of the room to hear shooting outside so they look through a window to see a black guy known as Shepard in a Umbrella outfit with heavy armour on is shoting a machine gun at a group of 15 of the undead.

*Taco walks in wearing a sexy Toad costume and pushes his asphyxiated corpse out of the chair*

“You really don’t have the legs for that costume.  Or the boobs.”

Rookie starts shooting at the undead while Shepard starts walking to the door with one of the undead ripping some of his flesh.

“You’d lose less of your flesh if you could actually put some hustle in those buns, sweetie.”

So the token black guy gets mauled by zombies.  I’m sure there’s racial commentary there, but it’s just as likely that a black wig just got munched on.

Leave him he’s dead.” Jack says while leading Rookie down the stairs to Tyler and Cody with Shepard entering the house with blood all over him and some flesh missing.

Wait, did Shepard actually get bitten, or did they just rip some of his flesh off?  Because only one of those causes infection.  Probably.

“Pretty cold of Jack, either way.  If Shepard was bitten, Jack should at least offer to put a bullet on the guy.  Nobody actually wants to spend several hours slowly turning undead.”

Jack shoots into Shepard’s head while Cody starts packing up his gear, Tyler helps lead them out of a backdoor and out onto a street.

You were saying?

“Well, okay then.  That was quite the gentlemanly thing to do for a gas mask.”

Shepard wasn’t a gas mask.

“I was talking about Jack!”

Why did you kill Shepard?” Rookie asks

For the lulz.

“he was infected, useless to us alive.” Jack answers

That’s not necessarily true on either account, but Jack doesn’t strike me as being intelligent enough to know that, so I’ll let it slide.

while walking down the street with the other three behind him looking around to see that the street is empty.

“So the zombies that were chasing Shepard just gave up?”

They’re on break.  The Evil Union has very strict breaktime policies.

Jack starts walking first to see another umbrella officer sitting against a wall to a building which is barred off by a dumpster and other things with Jack getting closer to the officer.

Not… THINGS!?

“The things are with Jack?  That mask will bonk anythings, won’t he?”

You’re one to talk.

“I never said bonking everythings was bad.”

“What’s the status?” Jack asks

“Horny with very little opportunity to do anything about it.”

…  Are you talking about the fic?

“Sure?”

“the city is infected, I lost my squad before you guys arrived and nemesis is awake.”  The guy answers calmly so Jack sits next to the guy with Rookie looking at him confused.

Well, that escalated quickly.

 “My job is done I was supposed to secure this officer’s squad and they’re all dead you guys have to help Hunter find Hunk.”

So by ‘done’ you mean…

“Botched.”

Jack explains while Cody nods and heads forward with the others behind him before seeing Jack look at the sky ready to head back for the helicopter.

“Don’t help or anything, Jack.”

Welp, mission failed, back to the chopper.  Never liked Hunk anyway.

Hunter is running to the building where the others were to see Shepard’s undead version along with 8 others so Hunter throws a grenade at them exploding them.

“But Shepard was shot in the head!”

Pretty sure panther already forgot that happened.

“At this rate it’s only a matter of time before Hunter realizes that bullets too slow.”

Hunter walks in to see signs of the group leaving so he pulls out his walkie-talkie and turns it on.

“Does this mean we’re going to get another strip tease?”

I’d like to think the walkie-talkie would have better standards than Hunter.

“Phase 1 is complete and ready to go to phase 2.”

“What was phase 1, again?”

Getting a bunch of agents killed while spending some of the budget on helicopter rides.

“Success!”

Hunter says while kneeling down at Shepard’s remains and start walking out of the backway to see some blood along with signs of the group being there along with the dumpster moved away from the one wall.

Welp, they ded.

“Damn, for a group of sentient hair and clothing, they weren’t half bad.”

They were so voidy, I’m not sure they were half anything.  Though I guess this means Hunter now gets to have his Trajik Backstory™ involving the death of his entire team.

Hunter enters the building to see Jack and the officer in the room talking to each other before noticing Hunter with Jack trying to smile at Hunter.

“Trying to smile?”

“Oh.  Good effort!”

“So where’s team alpha?” Jack asks “on their way to escort us to the helicopter then we wait.”  Hunter answers

Wait, wasn’t team alpha destroyed?

“I think that was the officer’s squad.”

Which team was that?

“The other team alpha.”

Oooooh!

the officer looks at them confused before Hunter pulls out a syringe with the virus and injects some of it into the officer and knocks him out before leaving the building with Jack behind him.

I smell Wesker stank all over this ‘devious’ plot.

“I’ll tell Crunchy to make sure Wesker is put back in his cage after we’re done here.”

“You want me to find the others?” Jack asks “no, let them fight the undead we’re only instructed to let 3 leave but only if they survive.”

*Alarm stays silent*

Normally that would be redundant, but we are dealing with zombies in this case.  Trying to leave doesn’t necessarily mean they’re alive.

Hunter explains before Jack notices a S.T.A.R.S officer running away from a horde of 40 undead with Jack stepping back slightly scared.

What’s he scared of, exactly?

“No idea.  Not like there are any ghosts around or anything.”

You’re fine with zombies, but draw the line at ghosts?

“Shotguns don’t work on ghosts!”

Hunter smirks while watching the officer get ripped apart

Ba.

*gong*

“Poor guy has been off his game.  Hell of a wicked hangover.”

It’s been a week!

“The first hangover is always the worst.”

Hunter throws a incendiary grenade at the undead burning them all until they fall on top of their victim’s remains.

“What was the point of injecting the dude if you were just going to burn him to ash anyway?”

Wesker.

“Right, I’m going to warm up the spanking machine.”

Tyler is on a roof watching the streets get covered in blood with Rookie walking towards Tyler before looking at the streets. “Do you think we’ll make it, from this mission?” Tyler asks

“They must not have been working for Umbrella very long.”

I’m still trying to figure out how they kept getting employees after the first game.

“I don’t know I’m new to this and I was told other rookies were killed from these scenarios.”

Umbrella must have a hell of a benefits package if that’s in the job description.

“60k a year salary starting, full medical and dental, 401k with 20% matching, hired applicants will probably die in the first six months.”

Honestly, I’ve seen worse job postings.

Rookie explains while Tyler looks at Rookie getting a feeling that one of the two will be slaughtered from these creatures.

“Why not both?”

Umbrella is equal opportunity when it comes to killing employees!

Tyler looks at the door to the building ready for anything with Rookie heading back inside.

You probably don’t need to be ready for anything.  Being ready for lickers is probably more than enough to keep you alive.

“Screw lickers; if you’re ready for ghosts, you’re ready for anything!”

That’s the first chapter I hope you guys liked it

“We did not.”

It actually reminded me a lot of something.  But I can’t quite put my finger on what.

“But you just linked it.”

Don’t ruin the mystery!

please review I would like any comments or ideas.

You can read the above for the review and comments. So far as an idea, you should definitely read this page and become intimately familiar with the concepts described within:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Comma

Until next week, patrons!

“If you’ll excuse me, I’ve got an insane CEO to strap into the Spank-o-Matic 5000.”

Sadly, I know that isn’t a euphemism.

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