1707: Parties are for flirting – Oneshot

 

Title: Parties are for flirting
Author: Mythicallover42
Media: Movie
Topic: Monsters, Inc
Genre: Romance/Fantasy
URL Chapter 1
Critiqued by Ghostcat

 

 

 

 

Hello, dear Patrons!

I’m here with a little oneshot I stumbled across in the Monsters, Inc. section that bills itself as a Romance/Fantasy fic – and it’s a Reader fic! You know how fun those are.

As a special treat Syl is making book in the North Atrium; you can bet on which of your beloved childhood characters you, the reader, will soon be making out with! Or even which canon character will be making out with another character, if that’s more your thing. Because if you’re going to be emotionally scarred by a fic you might as well get some cash out of it.

Now for those of you who aren’t familiar with the Monsters, Inc movies – welcome to Earth! Please do not eat my brain or cats.

But just in case you’re not an alien, here’s the very short version; Monsters, Inc tells the story of a parallel world of monsters that is in many respects a mirror of the human world. The monsters have discovered a way to use closet doors as portals to travel to the human world, where they frighten children in order to harvest their screams for energy. This is considered incredibly dangerous, because children are seen as exceptionally toxic and supposedly can kill with a single touch. Of course a little girl ( called Boo, which is the only thing she can say) manages to cross over into the monster world, where she meets Sully (James P. Sullivan) and his friend Mike Wazowski.

This is Sully and Mike. Do not picture them making out with each other.

Hijinks ensue and the guys discover that humans aren’t toxic but instead taste just like chicken! (No, not really; there’s a bit about how laughter is more powerful than screams, or something.) Way too many years later there was a prequel released, Monsters University, that details how Sully and Mike first met while in Scare School, which is an expy for the human college experience.

Now, on to the fic!

I just adore Monsters Inc/University! Well, I adore anything Disney or Pixar to be honest… But who cares?!

I know I don’t. I don’t even understand why authors put these non-note Author’s Notes in their fics in the first place.

Anyway, onto the story!

Hurry, you still have time to make that bet with Syl!

P.s. The characters are all humanised, meaning they are humans with monster/animal like features!

:headdesk:

I assume since you’re telling me this now that the characters themselves aren’t gong to be shown in enough detail to know what they should look like.

BF/N = Best Friends Name :)

That doesn’t look anything like my best friend’s name.

After a line-break, we get to the actual fic.

A sigh escaped from me as my roommate constantly changed her outfit.

Ummmm …Okay. Is this an OCD thing or will there be some context for this?

All for this stupid party tonight at the ROR’s fraternity house.

Oooh, okay.

I, obviously, was not going.

Why is this obvious? I’ve never met you before, even though I think you’re supposed to be me, so I have no idea what you would normally do. I wouldn’t go to a party, because I hate social situations, but you don’t know that. You could really want to be going to the party but just getting frustrated that your roommate is taking too long to get ready.

Those ROR’s are complete jerks. They look like scarers, but deep down they’re full of sh- “(Y/N)! Please come with me to the party! I beg you!” I groaned, rolling onto my side, my back facing her.

Whew! That was close. You almost said a bad word in your private thoughts! Good thing your roommate is annoying and has no regard for your personal boundaries.

“I don’t want to go! I’m tired and frankly I hate the ROR’s” She whined, stomping her feet childishly. “Please! (Y/N)! I’ll do anything! I don’t want to go alone” I groaned louder, my patience running thin. “What will it take for you to leave already” she sighed, depressingly walking towards the door.

Now I’m confused. With the dialogue mushed into the paragraph like that it looks like Nameless Roommate doesn’t want to go to this party even though she’s trying to convince the narrator to go with her.

But before she shut the door, she mumbled a few words. “Well bye, I sure think the whole school is going enjoy seeing pictures from your eighteenth birthday party~” that witch. My legs swung to the side of my bed and stood up. Narrowing my eyes, I stomped to my closet to change.

Wait, what the hell happened during your eighteenth birthday party? Mine involved pizza, ice cream, and renting several movies from Blockbuster (which was still a thing back then) for my own personal marathon. (There was also cake involved.)

“Sometimes I hate you” I grumbled, a large scowl on my face. “You know you love me~” she giggled and I rolled my eyes, beginning to strip.

Oh? Oh! Oh. So are they that kind of roommates?

Finally (Bf/N) had dragged me to the party.

After first dragging you out of your clothes, apparently.

It seemed like three quarters of the school was here.

Which, for a large campus, could be several thousand students. Someone’s violating more than a few fire codes tonight.

But no one here seemed good enough to talk to.

Well, aren’t you a horrible snob?

As I began looking around, it wasn’t long before I was pulled inside the house.

You were incredibly reluctant to even go to the party, you don’t even like anyone there, and you probably have your resting bitch face cranked up to eleven – of course you would be passively dragged into the center of attention.

(BF/N) was rambling about things she HAD to do at this party, but I wasn’t listening.

Maybe I’ve gone to the wrong kinds of parties, but I don’t remember going to any where I had a set list of tasks to accomplish. This is a social gathering, not a side-quest.

When we got inside, there was a dance floor with a disco ball hanging from the ceiling.

That is totally a thing all college fraternities have in not in anyway an overused cliche.

Looking around, I could see that most of the other teams from the scare games were here.

And if you hadn’t seen the movie Monsters University and knew that there was a competition between the sororities and fraternities called the Scare Games then you would have no idea what the narrator was talking about.

I saw a chair, but my dream to sit down was crushed when my friend dragged me further away from it.

Not only are you snobbish, but you’re a complete drama queen. Or I’m a complete drama queen. I’m not entirely sure.  I thought this was supposed to be a Reader fic but with everything in the first-person like this it makes the author the main character, not the audience.

“(Y/N), were you listening?” I shook my head. “Nope” she groaned and kept pulling me. This time I though my arm was going to snap off.

Good, then something interesting will finally happen in this fic.

  “How do I look?” She asked me, nervousness in her eyes. “Yes, what about me?” I struck a pose for a joke but (BF/N) thought I was serious. “You look great!” I’m not going to lie, I agreed with her.

Nameless Roommate (who could do so much better) is asking a question about her appearance, which she is apparently concerned about, yet Bitchy McNoName turns it around so that it’s all about her for some reason and never answers the roommate’s original question.

How does this asshole still have friends?

My currrent attire was an off shoulder dress that was silver and reached my knees.

Oh, goody; costume porn.

It had an open back so my wings wouldn’t be cramped in the small space.

Wait, she has wings? Wasn’t she rolling around on the bed during her whinefest earlier? That would have done some serious damage to wings. And wouldn’t all of her clothing have an opening in the back for her wings? Wings are a prominent physical feature that would require special clothing, throwing on something that covers your wings would probably feel extremely constrictive and unnatural.

A gold belt kept it in its place.

If the only thing holding your dress on you is the belt, I don’t think you’re wearing it right.

I kind of looked over dressed but it just shows how much better I am to all the drunks here.

So. Very. Bitchy. If your goal was to write a completely unlikable character, author, then job well done.

I can’t believe I used to be just like these idiots until (BF/N) transformed me into the monster I am today, I’m real,y lucky to have here.

Well, all those “idiots” are having a good time while you’re being a pouty and self-obsessed asshole so who is the real idiot here?

Best Friends POV

:headdesk:

A POV Tag. Isn’t that just the cherry on top of my fail sundae.

(Y/N) looks amazing! I wish I had her figure. She has a slim waist, but shortish legs. Her hair is lush, it’s (colour) and (length), and it’s really soft.

And it looks as if we’ve only switched perspectives so that the roommate can praise the Sue. :eye-twitch: Awesome.

   And she has the most cutest cat ears on her head, well underneath her curled horns.

OMG! :squee!: Kawaii desu!

:sarcasm detector explodes:

Seriously, why did we ever think those things were a good idea?

And her two eyes are (colour), they’re always filled with emotion.

Many emotions, all far to intricate to describe so the author is just going to tell everyone about them.

Her wings were (colour) and so smooth, she took great care of them, unlike most monsters.

If I had known I had to do thing much coloring I would have brought the big box of crayons.

I would assume that wing maintenance, unlike some optional personal grooming habits, would require a minimal level of effort in order to keep the wings useful and not just decorative. The fact that she buffs them with a diaper while singing nursery rhymes, or whatever it is she does, is on the same level as getting elaborate manicures or trimming your beard into fancy shapes; interesting, but not something most people would bother with.

Her skin was pale but it suited her structure.

…Bwa? How does the hue of her skin relate to the shape of her body?

Not to mention how beautiful she looks in that dress!

Blah, blah, blah, the Sue is so much better than everyone else. Gag.

I’m so proud of my creation!

Did Nameless Roommate literally create this Sue out of a box of spare parts? Because she might want to go back to the drawing board.

Your POV

:headdesk:

:headdesk:

:headdesk:

That was a pointless little side-trip into ego-stroking, wasn’t it?

And if the entire fic is written in first-person then it isn’t my perspective – it’s the author’s. That’s kind of the definition of first-person; that whomever is writing the work, either the actual author or the author’s fictional counterpart, is the central character. It excludes the audience, as well as everyone else in the world, and narrows the focus of the work down to the limited experiences of a single individual.

I put up with the dragging until she finally stopped infront of a small stage, more like a stand.

So by “stand” you mean a raised platform for a band, orchestra, or speaker? Because that’s also the definition of a stage.

On it was the president of the Roar Omega Roars, Johnny Worthington, the monster my best friend has a huge crush on, the biggest couch in the world, need I go on?

…Johnny is a couch?

That doesn’t look very ergonomic.

I hated him but (BF/N) was oblivious.

How dare your friend not take your thoughts and feelings into consideration when she’s picking out an ideal romantic partner!

She tried to straighten her hair and sucked in a breath. “Do I look okay?” I rolled my eyes. “You look fine” she nodded, smiling at me.

Just not “fine” enough to get any sort of description, because that’s reserved solely for the Sue.

She walked over to Johnny and began talking to him. I kept my eyes on him, he’s been known for breaking hearts before.

Again I have to wonder if I should be taking this literally and there is a real danger that Johnny-Couch will rip Nameless Roommate’s heart out of her chest and smash it to pieces at his feet.

Their conversation soon escalated into flirting.

If she’s trying to chat him up then I sure as hell hope she started with flirting. If not then what did they talk about before, the most recent crop reports?

Then Johnny offered to go get drinks for them.

I must have excellent hearing to be able to eavesdrop on their conversation in the middle of a crowded house party.

When (BF/N) wasn’t looking, I snuck away to follow Johnny to the food table.

I’m having trouble understanding the spatial dimensions of this section of the Void; I’m close enough to hear what they are talking about but far enough away that Nameless Roommate doesn’t see me stalking her crush, whom she would be watching like a hawk.

He was getting drinks and turned around to leave, but I stood in his way. “Can I help you?” I gave him a dead stare in the eyes and hissed. “You do anything to hurt her and I’ll hunt you down. And when I find you, I’ll rip out your horns and shove them up your ass!” With that, I walked away to the dance floor.

Oh, that’s sure to peak his interest in her. Nothing attracts a person like a crazy friend making outrageous threats of bodily harm.

I tried to find a decent monster to talk to but there seemed to nobody sober.

And no one is quite up to your impossibly high standards.

That was until I felt someone tap my shoulder.

From behind!

I turned to see Sullivan, the neglected ROR, now an OK member.

Time to introduce the romantic interest, I guess.

He winked at me but I just stared at him.

Good start; now threaten to smite his livestock, burn his house down, and salt the ruins if he doesn’t ask you to dance!

“Well, someone’s not very happy” I snarled crossing my arms.

“Would you if you lost your friend to President Douchebag over there?” He scowled when he looked at Johnny but soon returned his attention to me. “So, what’s your name? I’m sure you know mine” I roll my eyes at his cockiness. “Try and guess” he smirked. “What do I get in return?” I sighed.

…Does this mean he’s not very happy, or you’re not very happy? And is he guessing her name, because she already knows his, or is she guessing his name because he already knows hers? The way this dialogue is smushed into the paragraphs makes it hard to tell who is saying what.

Baaa?

Sure, go ahead.

BAAA!!

:a massive wall of wool thunders through the Library:

He is a demonic sheep of simple pleasures.

“If you can’t guess my name, you have to…kiss-” I looked around and pointed towards an older, more disgusting monster.

That’s ageist.

“-him” he looked and cringed in disgust. “Not Don…” I grinned.

Don? You mean, this guy;

He’s not my type, but he’s not exactly a cave troll, you know. And he’s the only character in the movie to actually get the girl, so he must be doing something right.

He knew him too, this was going to be fun. “And if I do guess it correct?” I hum, tapping my finger on my chin. “I’ll kiss anyone of your choice, but” he groaned at the ‘but’. “But, you only have ten guesses” he smirked.

BAAA!!!

:waves: Remember to follow through!

I assume this whole bet thing is just a painfully obvious way to get the characters to kiss, because that’s pretty much the only reason anyone would ever make a bet like this in a fictional work. I’ve never known anyone to do anything like this in real life, because most guys want to make bets that won’t make them look like homophobic jackasses.

(A/N I’m sorry if your name appears in the guesses, you could just imagine that he hasn’t guessed your name yet :))

:THWACK!:

No mid-chapter Author’s Notes!

I completely forgot that he would be trying to guess my name, that’s how disconnected I am from this character. That just makes this even more incomprehensible; how can you write a scene where one character is trying to guess another character’s name without having an actual name for that character? It makes no frickin’ sense! I mean, Reader fics rarely make sense, but this one is making even less sense than usual.

“Amelia?” I shook my head, smiling. “No~” he sighed, thinking of names. “Sophie?” I grinned “Nope” he groaned, rubbing his head. “What about Amy?” I chuckled, shaking my head. “Sorry, but no. Seven guesses left” I smiled. He gestured for us to dance and I joined him on the dance floor. Surprisingly, a slow song began playing.

Ah. Now I get it. His devious plan is reaching fruition!

I let him slow dance with me as he tried to guess my name. “How about James?” I gave him a look. “Really? James? You’ve just wasted a guess” He sighed and twirled me around. “I think you are called…Vicky?” I giggled. “No” he grinned. “Am I close?” I shook my head. “Nope”.

Is she still pretending that this is about guessing her name and not dancing and flirting with what I assume is a cute boy-monster?

“I’m guessing Elizabeth?” I shook my head. He sighed, seemingly giving up.

If he gives up, does he still have to kiss Don or will you call it a draw?

My smile widened and he grinned too. “What about Jessica?” I sighed. “No~ Three guesses left~” he smiled and gave one final guess before Johnny started his speech. “Amelia?” I giggled. “You’ve said that already, two guesses left”

It wasn’t long before Oozma Kappa was standing in the centre of the dance floor. Before Johnny ended his speech, James looked over to me and mouthed “Claire” I shook my head, grinning like an idiot.

:yawns:

Have we gotten to the point of this yet?

I usually wouldn’t have this much fun at a party…well except my eighteenth birthday party…but not much fun after that.

I’m more interested in what happened at that party than what’s happening at this one.

James seems like a great enough guy, he sure knows how to make me smile.

You’ve known him, what, maybe a minute? I’m surprised you haven’t picked out your wedding china yet.

But I don’t think he’ll end up guessing my name. My thoughts were cut off when paint was dropped onto the whole team of Oozma Kapoa. And while it was slightly funny, I felt more sympathy for them. This act made my blood boil in hatred for Johnny. I don’t know what (BF/N) sees in him.

I dunno; does he have a cute butt?

Then the stuffed teddies came raining down on them… I wanted to laugh but I didn’t want to hurt their feelings. The bullies took their picture and soon everyone cleared out, bored already of them. I frowned, walking over to the depressed monsters. “Are you okay?” A smaller monster glared at me while the rest frowned.

I managed to find the actual scene that this was taken from; it’s mostly lifted right out the movie, minus a few things like actual details and context.

The scene does end right after the picture was taken, but I doubt the party ended abruptly at the same time. The bullies would probably be riding high at that point.

“Those jerks should be ashamed for what they did. It’s not fair” I mumbled, rubbing my arm as a cold breeze came through the door. James groaned and I helped him up, getting paint on my arms and hands.

Why is he getting up? I don’t think any of them were knocked over ant any point.

He seemed angry, sad, almost betrayed. I smiled as a thought came to mind.

Did you just think of the perfect place to hide the bodies?

“You know, you still have one guess left” he smiled as we all walked out of the house. James chuckled, racking his brain for a name. I saw him struggle and just let him give up.

Right, you took pity on him. That’s why you were going to give in. Of course.

“I’ll call off the bet, my name is-” he cut me off with his final guess. “(Y/N)” I gasped, grinning. “Yes! How did you…?” He shrugged and soon smirked.

BAAA!!!

Ganbatte, Cerbs!

“Alright, who am I kissing?” I sigh, rolling my eyes.

I have a guess; it’s someone very close to you. Maybe someone standing right beside you.

He coughed and stopped infront of me, lips puckered. “What? No! I-I, but!” He grinned. “You said anyone of my choice, and I choose me” I sighed and looked up at him. “Fine…” He smiled and leaned to my level, inching closer and closer until there was hardly any space left between us.

Totally called it. You could see this outcome from a mile away.

I was getting impatient and closed the gap, our lips finally touching. It was strange. My heart was beating faster and I had this sudden urge to deepen the kiss. It seemed like I wasn’t the only one with these thoughts as James placed his hands on my hips. With new found confidence, I wrapped my arms around his neck, deepening the kiss.

:sigh:

And of course instead of actually kissing they just do the standard “lip press” technique. Not that I want a play-by-play of Sully tongue-wrestling with Bitchy McNoName, but if you’re going to put a kissing scene in a fic you should probably have some real kissing take place and not just press their faces together like a couple of dolls.

We pulled away soon enough for loss of breath.

You definitely shouldn’t be suffering from a lack of oxygen while kissing. Learn how to breathe through your noses, dudes.

“That was…” James began and I finished for him. “Amazing” I grinned and he smiled down at me.

Meh. At least there was no sign of Sully’s throbbing man-carrot.

We had eye contact and our lips found each other’s once again.

For some reason I’m picturing them looking around on their hands and knees for each other’s lips like they are searching for a lost contact.

This was the start of a beautiful romance.

Or a regrettable hook-up, considering you did meet at a frat party.

James and Mike were in their dorm room, talking.

Sudden scene shift is sudden.

It had been three moths since the party and James and (Y/N) had been dating ever since.

I haven’t switched my calendar over to Insect yet; how many centipedes are in a moth?

But soon Mike began to wonder how his slightly dense friend managed to guess her name.

Mike must be a little on the dense side himself if he’s waited this long to ask Sully about it.

“Hey Sulley?” Mike broke into the silence of the night.

And just like that, a sudden burst of purple prose.

“Yeah?” Sulley responded and Mike shuffled on his bed. “How did you guess (Y/N) name?”

I kind of assumed he already knew it before he started chatting her up and only made that stupid bet because he knew he could win.

There was a cough from Sulley before silence surrounded the room.

Silence?

I don’t see anything.

Mike looked up at the bed above him. “Sulley?” There was a nervous chuckle from the blue haired teen.

That is literally all the description the audience gets of Sully – that he’s a blue-haired teen. Bitchy McNoName got paragraphs about how beautiful she is but hardly any of the other characters even get a single physical feature – not even the roommate!

“Don’t tell (Y/N), but I saw her name on the way tag of her dress when she helped me up…”

:tilts head sideways:

He saw her what tag?

Were they wearing name tags at a frat party? Why? And wouldn’t that have made the entire bet pointless? Or does Bitchy McNoName write her name on the tags of her clothes like a kid going to summer camp? But if that were the case, how did Sully see it?

:rubs forehead:

Ghostie’s think-meat all hurty now.

Mile chuckled before rolling onto his side, soon falling asleep. “Oh Sulley…” With those words the two scaring students fell asleep.

:facepalm:

Ah, the good ol’ “falling asleep to end a scene” transition. Haven’t seen that one in a while. I suppose it’s marginally better than just jumping right from one scene into the next, but since this is the end of the chapter it kind of feels like a cheat.

I know it’s a bit rubbish,

A bit? It’s completely contrived yet still manages to make no sense, and the central protagonist – the character the audience is supposed to relate with – is an unlikable Sue!

but I hope you enjoyed it :)

Ummmm… No. I didn’t. Not even a little bit. (Except maybe the bit about cat ears. I like cat ears.)

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