1708: Legendary Adventurers, Futuristic Saviors – Chapter Fourteen, Part OnePosted: March 11, 2017
Title: Legendary Adventurers, Futuristic Saviors
Topic: Princess Mononoke
Url: Chapter Fourteen
Critiqued by SC, Sir Paulo Rori and Scarlet of Mesyth
Chapter 14: Demon Hunt in the Forest; Birth of a New Demon pt.1
*SC walks in with a smoothie in hand*
Scarlet: Why did you leave dog shit dangling above our heads on a thin wire?
*SC blinks, looks up, then looks back at Scarlet*
…I suppose I should have told you, but Stone-Man85 isn’t good with chapter names.
Scarlet: So I gathered.
And with that, hello, and welcome back to a fresh new chapter of Legendary Adventurers, Futuristic Saviors, by Stone-Man85! I’m your host, SC, joined by Sir Paulo Rori and Scarlet of Mesyth, and we are not going to talk about chapter thirteen anymore because fuck that nerd.
So, remember how this fic is supposed to have villains, even though I’ve had more than a few rants about it being bullshit, because the entire idea of the movie is that everything is morally grey and it’s up to Ashitaka to see through the haze and work to bring out the good, if and where he can? Yeah, so those bullshit villains have been kinda quiet for the last… well, the last chapter, basically, but we finally get to see how they’ve been amusing themselves in our absence this week!
Paulo: Oh, how… wonderful?
Aw, you say that like you don’t wanna know or something!
Paulo: …For the sake of not completely stating the obvious, I will take “Or Something.”
Back In Iron Town
In Yashahime’s Camp
Scarlet: With all the stupid names this author has shat out so far, I’m waiting for Flubdoongu to show up.
He’s the Spirit Holy Demigod Emperor of the Spirit Kings of the Forest. But Shishigami is still better than him, even though he’s lesser in rank than him, because he’s actually not lesser in rank at all due to him being the Spirit King of the Spirit Holy Demigod Emperor of the Spirit Kings of the Forest.
Paulo: If you ever do that again, I will have to execute you for treason.
Yashahime had taken Takemaru into her little setup outside of Iron Town’s walls.
And there’s another name we haven’t seen in a while! Remember Takemaru? He was some bandit dude or something and Alex krumped ’em roight and propa’, then went and cried about it for the entire rest of the chapter? Well, when last he appeared, Takemaru was not-so-subtly hinted at being a sinister comeback story in waiting, and I bet this is where that finally starts happening.
To Takemaru’s credit, though, his name is easily the second coolest of the established villain team so far, if only for the fact that he was stolen wholesale from an entire other series, and the coolest villain is Eboshi by default because she is neither a moustachio-twirling whore parading about as nobility (although her backstory does allude that she WAS a whore, and it jaded her worldview now that she IS nobility), nor is she an utterly inept guard captain.
Scarlet: Dragging you away from your tangent for a moment, here – what’s so interesting about his name?
Full title of address: Takemaru of Setsuna.
Scarlet: Ah, well, speaking as someone with a very similar manner of introduction, I concur.
Paulo: What of Jigo, though?
Jigo ties with Eboshi because he’s a sneaky bastard.
There, a huge tent was set up for them as they walked in there.
A tent was set up in the tent?
Paulo: For those kings who worry that one war tent surrounded by guardsmen does not sufficiently send a message of “do not disturb” to the other soldiers.
Scarlet: That, or it gets very cold at night, and one tent just didn’t cut it.
I mean, previous weather issues plaguing Japan in this fic have included on-again-off-again rainstorms possessing the comedic timing of a Disney movie, so I’m willing to accept just about anything at this point.
In the tent, several men dressed in white robes and their faces covered in white bandages, and wearing what appeared to be night vision goggles
Mummified Sam Fishers?
were hard at work with what appeared to be a primitive lab.
Now ain’t that an oxymoron.
Dead bodies of both man and large beasts were; either whole or in pieces in some green slimy liquid. Strange metals were also being made, as the strange men were taking what were the extracts of the various beasts, and creating the same gems that were found on the Curse Chains Bands that Alex and Yashahime had on them. Although primitive, it appeared to be more of an advanced form of alchemy rather than science.
If this fic is about to try and bullshit DC Comics science into its plot, I’m flipping tables.
Scarlet: So when can we expect the first issue of The Irontown League?
Personally, I’m looking forward to that special edition Super Jigo issue.
As they walked into the center of the tent, Takemaru had to ask, “Tell me, Milady,” and stopped as the princess did, “Why did you bring me here?”
In truth, the princess had invited the conqueror into this tent.
Oh, here we fucking go…
*SC reaches into the box and pulls out another box, this one covered in chains and actively shaking*
Scarlet: You’re not about to unleash Pandora’s Box on the DRD, are you? Because even I would stress how bad an idea that is.
Oh no, this isn’t Pandora’s Box. This is Arodnap’s Xob. Instead of releasing all kinds of evil, it draws it in, like a black hole!
Paulo: That seems worse.
Yeah, for them.
*SC pulls out La Bella Pistola, shoots the chains off the Xob, and chucks it out into the hall; the DRD are immediately sucked in, as well as Contacts, Monocle, a few Darkwraiths, and some of Ishi’s leeches*
Whoops, accidental collateral damage. Ah well, those fuckers probably deserved it.
*Monocle and Contacts respawn in the riffing chamber, holding each other in terror*
Monocle: MONOCLE DESERVED NOTHING OF THE SORT!
Contacts: What the fuck did we do to you?!
*Somewhere on the floor below, Ishi wails in dismay*
She had told him that hunting down this cursed outlander would be extremely dangerous. But he had told her he was skilled in killing and combat, as well as hunting.
Scarlet: So, if we take into account the one constant that each of these three things share, his skillset averages out to “struggling.”
That, or “planning,” but that couldn’t be right.
You know, you’d make a good comedian if you weren’t a knight.
Paulo: You are not the first to think so.
There was nothing that he couldn’t kill or defeat.
Scarlet: To reiterate: There was nothing that he couldn’t kill or defeat.
Are you trying to imply that Alex is a person?
Scarlet: Well, when you put it that way, it just seems foolish.
But nonetheless, she invited him to this tent.
*The Alarms would Blare, but you fed the DRD to the Xob, you monster.*
Oh, get over it.
Now, finally, she turned around and faced the man, as she asked, “Back in Eboshi’s home, you seemed to show a small desire when Eboshi taunted that you wanted the power that the cursed outlander possesses…” she then gave him a sultry smile as she traced her finger on her lip and purred, “Are you interested?”
Not phased by her seductive nature, Takemaru responded, “If given the chance… I would take it or steal it from others just to possess that destructive power.” he then brought up his right fist, as he tightened it, making straining sounds with the material, “With it… all would fall before me. For that is the path to becoming the supreme conqueror.”
Scarlet: Sure, nevermind being a genius commander, lauded by your men and grudgingly respected by your enemies, being brutally efficient whilst minimizing personal sacrifices, having superior arms and armor-
Paulo: The short version is that Takemaru is as much a conqueror as Alex is likable.
“Supreme conqueror, eh?” Yashahime asked, an evil grin growing on her face. “I like the sound of that. If that’s the case, I can arrange for you to have that power. Power so great… that even the Spirit King, Shisha Gami, would fall before your feet dead.”
And then promptly come back to life in his Fuck-All-Of-You form, razing the very earth itself with his fury.
she then snapped her fingers, as two of the white clothed figures came to her and stood by her side, “These men will infuse you with a curse, similar to what the outlander and I possess. Although the process for you to use this will be slow…” she then turned towards Takemaru with an insane smile on her face, only hidden with the look of complete malice and cruelty for whoever stood in her way, “… but if you reach down within your heart… if you allow your hatred to boil and swell inside, the curse will respond to it, and grant you the power matched only by the Gods themselves!”
Hey, Scarlet, does malice or cruelty hide an insane smile?
Scarlet: If anything, they amplify it.
Paulo: Why did he ask you, specifically?
Scarlet: Because my family has the most experience with being insane.
/Takemaru smiled ambitiously at this as he answered, “I think I’ll take your offer now.”
A few minutes later, Takemaru was lying on a table, flat on his back, with his upper armor and under kimono removed. The two men, now known better as scientist/priests, worked diligently as they prepared him for what would soon come to be his new power.
How many times can Stone-Man85 hint that someone’s about to get upgraded? We’re not even halfway through this chapter and he’s already said that Takemaru’s going to get new power something like five times in a row. We get it, just shut up and give Takemaru his fucking upgrades already!
The first one walked up to him as he held a syringe of sorts, filled with what appeared to be the same black ooze that Nago was covered in, and what infected Alex.
The first scientist explained to the patient/test subject, “This is what’s left of the Lion God, Ryoukotsei.
Okay, so this name is, first of all, the username of some guy on DeviantART (And he’s big on the American military, judging by his favorites list), and second of all, is the misspelled name of yet another stolen character, from Inuyasha, again, because we already hijacked Takemaru, fuck it, let’s drag all the characters from that canon in on this.
First thing’s first, he’s not a damn lion. Ryukotsusei (Hey, Stone-Man85, that’s how you actually spell it) is a dragon daiyokai. (Japanese mythology doesn’t really have that word, from what I can tell. It’s primarily just Yokai, and synonyms in kind. Given what type of anime Inuyasha is, I’m gonna guess that’s probably ranking terminology on the “How Badly This Demon’s Gonna Fuck Your Day” scale.) Secondly, even if you didn’t know that about him, his fucking name is literally, “Dragon Bone Spirit.” This isn’t even me going to Google Translate or anything, this is just straight out of the Inuyasha wiki, which takes all of two seconds to find on the internet.
You couldn’t even do two seconds of research, Stone-Man85?
At the last moment, his curse began to boil and rot his flesh away. Before he was killed we scrapped…”
“I understand the process of demonization,” Takemaru spat out impatiently, “Just get on with it!”
Okay, smart guy, care to tell us when you learned this information? Because back when Alex whooped your ass, you were just as surprised as everybody else when his powers came out.
The scientist regained his composure as he was about to start, but instead finished his explanation as fast as he could. “This will go through two processes, Curse and then the Band. The Curse will make you feel like your skin is rotting off as it begins the process. But when we place the band on… it will hurt.”
Paulo: …Oh, the band is the part that will hurt, is it?
Scarlet: You know, I’m much less enthused by the idea of my skin rotting off.
You guys just don’t understand how painfully gaudy the band is.
Paulo: Ah, that explains it.
And with that, the scientist injected the black ooze all the way to the last drop. After he was finished, Takemaru felt nothing at first; there was no pain whatsoever. Before he was about to kill the scientist for screwing up, his back arched as he gasped in pain. Suddenly, his body suddenly began to spasm violently as he fell flat on his back on the ground. His body shook violently and his eyes nearly bulged from their sockets. His mouth spread open, releasing a continuous round of gagging noises while his back arched upward. Suddenly, from the burns, very dark veins began to spread up to his arm and onto his neck. His hand had turned into the shade of black ooze that the creature’s skin had been, and his nails grew to razor sharp points, just like lion claws would.
*The Xob wiggles about as the DRD’s muffled growling echoes from within*
I mean, you guys can try to claw your way back out all you want, it ain’t happening.
Takemaru still convulsed uncontrollably. Now the veins had reached his face as he shut his eyes tightly. He then opened them again as he let out another gagged scream, but this time, his eyes had turned completely black, with only his irises retaining color, but instead of them being brown, they were now the unnatural color of blood red… just like a lion’s eyes.
The second scientist walked over and returned to where Takemaru was. He placed the black metal on his right wrist. He then began to mix together the blood and fur of the former God they were using, as the two began to chant in an unknown dialect.
“Gniod ew era kcuf eht tahw, gniod ew era kcuf eht tahw…”
Scarlet: “Rabble rabble rabble…”
As they finished chanting, the second scientist positioned the hand that held the lion’s flesh and blood, and squeezed it, allowing one drop of the mixture to hit the metal piece.
As it did, it glowed brightly as it seeped into the metal piece. After that happened, the metal began to flex and melt, becoming malleable and alive as it sprouted out tentacles of its own. They then shot into Takemaru’s wrist, burying themselves into the flesh. The darkened Samurai howled out in even more pain as his convulsions became more violent. As it happened, the darkened veins started to regressed back to the wound, and the wound itself began to regress as well.
As the wound disappeared, the black metal band had wrapped around Takemaru’s wrist, forming into a wrist chain of sorts, with the mixture of red blood crystallizing into a red gem of sorts. When the feeling of pain began to fade from his body, Takemaru’s eyes had returned to their normal color, and then he breathed a relieved sigh and fell back onto the table, gasping for air after the ordeal he had gone through.
So, to summarize, with significantly less redundancies: Takemaru got made into a demon by way of forbidden alchemy, and it hurt like hell.
Paulo: It seems so much simpler when you say it.
That’s because the author makes it way more complicated than it is.
But then he looked to his wrist… and an evil smile spread across his face as he saw the black band, with the jewel dimly growing, “And now… the power’s all mine…”
And Yashahime’s. And Alex’s. And Sannabe’s, much later on in the story, because I read ahead on the wiki and TV Tropes page the author made for this fic.
But otherwise, yeah, totally yours, bro.
Alright, that’ll wrap up this week! Thanks for reading, folks, and stay tuned for next time! Thank GOD this chapter is already more interesting than chapter thirteen was, but I won’t hold out too much hope that it stays as such, because I’ve been wrong before. In the meantime, I’m SC, and on behalf of Sir Paulo Rori and Scarlet of Mesyth, I’ll see you next time!
Scarlet: …Are you going to let those poor men out of the Xob, now?
I, uh… I kinda can’t. Opening it just sucks more evil in.
Paulo: So, then, they are likely going to die in there.
I mean, I suppose I could let Bookie hit it with his staff until it spits them back out, but that seems like kind of a mean thing to do to something that was just doing its job.