34: The Golden Girls Play Grand Theft Auto IV Online – One Shot

Title: The Golden Girls Play Grand Theft Auto IV Online
Author: Geaney1992
Media: Television /Video Game
Topic: The Golden Girls / Grand Theft Auto IV / Cross-Over
Genre: Adventure/Humor
URL: The Golden Girls Play Grand Theft Auto IV Online
Critiqued by The Psychic Librarian
Found by LurkRealClose

(For those unfamiliar with the Golden Girls, see this link for your enlightenment: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0088526/ )

As you sit at home today, I bet you feel like something’s missing. You may even be saying to your life sized cut out of Bea Arthur “why don’t the Golden Girls ever play violent video games in the old episodes?” Well this fan fic has finally got that covered. So cuddle up to Bea and read:

The Golden Girls Play Grand Theft Auto IV Online

Blanche Deveraux came home from the electronics store with a Playstation 3

“Blanche you bought a PS3?” Dorothy Zbornak commented

“Well Dorothy ever since I saw my grandson David playing “Call of Duty” I had to see what all the fuss was about” Blanche replied

That southern charm is drawn to Call of Duty. If Scarlett O’Hara had been able to get a PS3, she wouldn’t have spent all that time mooning over Ashley and Rhett wouldn’t have been able to even get her attention.

“What’s a PS3?” Rose asked

“POTATO SLASHER 3 ROSE!” Dorothy snapped “IT IS QUITE OBVIOUSLY A GAMES CONSOLE!”

Whoa. I think Dorothy might be off her meds. I also think the 13-year-old boy who has seen Golden Girls reruns and wrote this felt the need to define what a PS3 is to his audience. How sweet, the younger generation is reaching out to the older. Could Potato Slasher be made into a horror movie? The killer could dress in one of those character costumes and look like a potato. It would be difficult to kill anyone though because you can’t see squat out of those eye holes (pun is totally intended).

Anyway the girls had finally set up the PS3 and got it online. They were playing Grand Theft Auto IV when some random online game player started bothering Blanche.

“HEY YOU GIVE ME ALL YOUR MONEY!” H e demanded pulling out his Gun

“WELL I MUST SAY YOU SIR ARE QUITE RUDE!” Blanche retorted

“Dorothy I’m scared I don’t want to play the PS3 anymore” Rose whimpered

They’re scared by an online stick-up? While playing Grand Theft Auto? Maybe they missed the prostitutes etc. in the game because they were too busy pulling people out of their cars so they could hijack them.

In the real world Sophia enters the lounge room

“What are you kids doing?” she asked

DON’T START WITH ME MA!” Dorothy barked

Dorothy, go take your meds!! Plus you have now both snapped and barked, I sense there may be some canine DNA in you. Perhaps Dorothy was a werewolf? We shall leave that for another fan fic.

In the game Dorothy Rose and Blanche were still at gun point

“I’M WAITING!” The virtual gunman demanded

Yea, those virtual gunmen are very patient.

“BANG BANG!” But it wasn’t the gunman

It was really his baby shooting him down. Cher is playing Grand Theft Auto.

“Hey Uncle Sean where do you get off terrorizing old ladies in MY Territory?” Kierain Geaney demanded

“Oh I’m SO sorry your majesty” Sean snapped sarcastically

“BEAT IT BEFORE I PUT THIS GUN UPSIDE YOUR HEAD!” Kierain demanded

Ok, so his Uncle is the online stick-up man? Shouldn’t it be the other way around? Why am I trying to make this logical?

Sean receives an instant message and runs off to Firefly Projects

Well it was awfully easy to get Sean out of the picture.

“You folks alright?” Kierain asked

“You’re not going to try and rob us too are you?” Rose asked nervously

“I don’t pick on ladies” Kierain assured her

He only picks on his Uncle. Oh wait, he also picks on prostitutes, law abiding citizens, and as we soon learn, he also picks on the police.

Police sirens are heard

“Crap” Kierain said

“THIS IS THE LCPD YOU ARE SURROUNDED!” A Cop said on loud speaker

“Oh yeah?” Kierain chuckled pulling out his GTA Phone

Cheater! He cheated. The cops never stood a chance. Now all of the Grand Theft Auto players reading this know there is a Grand Theft Auto phone cheat.

Suddenly the cops were gone

Sophia has entered the game

“Dorothy please sign off! I need a ride to bingo!” she demanded

Ok, I have to admit I love that line for Sophia. Reading this fan fiction was worth it just to read that.

“MA I’M BUSY!” Dorothy snapped

She’s snapping again! Someone get a muzzle and post a “Beware of the Dorothy” sign in the window.

A group was forming around them guns drawn

Wait a minute, where did this group come from?

“HEY BOZOS! BEAT IT I RULE THIS SIDE OF EASTON STATION!” Kierain demanded

He points his rocket launcher at them’

Random apostrophes make my day. I also love random rocket launchers.

“Sorry sir” they said before running off

They give up awfully easy.

“Hey hot stuff” Blanche said to him

“Yes?” Kierain replied

“if you’re ever in real world Miami call me” Blanche said giving him her number

Apparently it hasn’t occurred to Blanche that Kierain is probably a thirteen-year-old boy who lives off of pizza and never bathes. Either that or Blanche’s standards have dropped even lower than usual. She really shouldn’t be hitting on minors though.

The girls sign off

“Well I think we should leave Video Games to the young ones” Blanche concluded

Rose and Dorothy nod in agreement

THE END

Aww, just when they were getting the hang of it. They should have robbed someone just to restore the balance. Then again, maybe when Sophia gets that ride to Bingo she will rob someone. She’s more likely to. She should take Dorothy along as her vicious werewolf side kick.

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