The Library of the Damned 2012 Sucktastic Awards: The Results!

Hello!  Thank you everyone for your votes!

The winners are…. *cues drum roll*

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The Library of the Damned 2012 Sucktastic Awards

Welcome, Literary Patrons!  It’s hard to believe, but a year has nearly passed us by here at the Library.  During the last twelve months we have witnessed so many epic fails, but a few have risen up above the rest in their total sucktatude.  Your mission, should you chose to humor us, is to vote for the fics / fic authors that have done their utmost to totally fall short.

Below you will find two links that will take you to the voting polls.  The nominees have been carefully selected by your Snark Crew and the results of the voting will be revealed on July 11th, our 1-year Snarkaversary date.

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271: the story of us – Chapters Six to Nine

Title: the story of us
Author: nancydrew bfan
Media: Book
Topic: Nancy Drew/Hardy Boys Crossover
Genre: Romance and Supernatural
URL: the story of us
Critiqued by The Psychic Librarian

Welcome to the next exciting installment of the story of us, a Nancy Drew/Hardy Boys crossover. It has more holes than the holiest of Swiss cheeses. The plot skips about like a squirrel on meth. Time and space have no meaning which I would imagine would make watches pretty useless. In the first installment, we were introduced to Nancy Drew, Ned whats-his-face, Bess and her cousin George (short for Georgia), and some people that may or may not exist. There were some minor characters along the way that existed in the quantum flux and don’t really need to be bothered with. Nancy and her buddies George and Bess were riding along in their car when something involved a house burning. We weren’t invited into that part of the story.  Then a car hit their car and someone apologized to someone else. Along comes Ned to help Nancy out and it turns out that they remember each other from an encounter six years earlier at a karaoke club for kids. Flirting ensues. Time is meaningless. Finally it becomes apparent that somehow Ned has been kidnapped during a large swath of time we weren’t allowed to know anything about. Now Nancy has to go rescue Ned because Ned is useless. Oh and I should mention the slightly nuts Author’s Notes where Nancy and Ned apparently want to kill the author. By the way, the author would like you to know this is her first fanfic. Thus apparently she can do anything that she wants to the English Language and completely disregard the usual plot construction of a story. Now that we’ve got that cleared up, let’s move on to the story. You may need to bring your imagination caps along so you can keep up with the bits that are missing.

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247: the story of us – Chapters One, Two, Three, Four, and Five

Title: the story of us
Author: nancydrew bfan
Media: Book
Topic: Nancy Drew/Hardy Boys Crossover
Genre: Romance and Supernatural
URL: the story of us
Critiqued by The Psychic Librarian

I am just going to start this fanfic right off by telling you to strap yourselves into your seats very tightly. It’s pretty confusing at the beginning, builds into a chimera, and then ends up in a flaming pile of poo. Now that I have given you the story line, you can prepare yourself mentally. I will note, as will the author immediately, that this is nancydrew bfan’s first fanfic. She has asked people to be nice on that account. I will be as nice as I can be while still pointing out what needs to be improved. So nancydrew bfan, if you ever read this try to keep that in mind. I hope it wont be your last fanfic because quite frankly I will lose my faith in humanity if your writing doesn’t evolve. Now for some giggles.

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222: Emo and Bashful: New love and life – Chapters One, Two, and Three

Title: Emo and Bashful: New love and Life
Author: DragonBeldam
Media: Movie
Topic: Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs
Genre: Romance and Fantasy
URL: Emo and Bashful: New love and life
Critiqued by The Psychic Librarian

Welcome back to the writing style, if you can call it that, known as the Wall O’ Text. Today we tackle the subject of dwarf love, specifically the seven dwarfs from the time period after the Snow White fairytale ends. I know what you are all thinking, why hasn’t this story been written before now?! Surely the dwarfs deserve love. I have to admit, I always figured they had their own kind of relationship given they are seven men living in a cabin in the woods with no interests but mining for precious stones. What they do with those stones is still a mystery. They probably do this. Hey, Chanel knows what’s hot. I’ll let you digest that for a minute. Ok, now let’s move on.

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192: Batpink: I AM THE NIGHT – Part Four

Title: Batpink: I AM THE NIGHT
Author: JimDimitri
Media: Cartoon
Topic: My Little Pony/Batman crossover
Genre: Drama
URL:Batpink: I AM THE NIGHT – Chapter Two
Critiqued by The Psychic Librarian

Contrary to my plea at the end of the last installment of Batpink: I AM THE NIGHT, the author has written another chapter for Pinkie Pie, the fearless avenger, to bounce around in. To begin, I should give you a quick summary of what occurred in the rest of this story. Where in the world of magical plastic ponies do I begin? Ok, so Pinkie Pie is a ditz of a My Little Pony who has friends with very low I.Q.s and an even lower number of words in their vocabularies. Many of these words were used as sound effects in Batman comics, hence their use here (I think, that may be giving the author too much credit). Pinkie Pie became Batpink, a superhero that begs the question “How did she even survive this long before she decided to fight crime?”, after her parents were turned into an abstract painting on the forest floor by some Manticores. Manticores are apparently monsters that hate small plastic ponies with that My Little Pony plastic smell. Anyone who ever touched one of those things knows the smell I mean. In her search for vengeance, Pinkie Pie has determined that a pony has been helping the Manticores and she is outraged. As she bounces around in outrage, she is missing out on a slumber party with all of the My Little Ditzes over at Applejack’s orchard. This, I assume, is before Applejack sold out and became a cereal (Applejacks is made of pony!). As she bounces around singing her own theme song to herself, Pinkie Pie uses all manner of nifty/lame technological gadgets. When I say nifty/lame, it’s because they are all Batman gadgets that have been given My Little Pony names and sometimes changes. When Pinkie Pie discovers that Applejack’s orchard is ablaze threatening the whole apple crop and her friends, she is confronted by a mysterious pony with bat wings and a lisp. It announces that it’s name is Black Snootie and takes pleasure in taking the credit for the fire. That is where we left off.

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166: A Questing We Go! – Prologue

Title: A Questing We Go!
Author: chikadee-pan
Media: Books
Topic: Peter Pan
Genre: Adventure/Fantasy
URL: A Questing We Go – Prologue
Critiqued by The Psychic Librarian

Today I present a fanfic which actually described well by its title. If you have been reading this blog even semi-regularly, you will know how extremely rare this is. The fanfic’s title, “A Questing We Go!” is meant to describe the plot of the story but it actually describes the meandering style of the author who leads the reader on a quest to find the point of the majority of the story. I particularly love the prologue which has the ring of existentialism but without the depth.

The subject of the fanfic is the story of Peter Pan. I hate to admit it, but I have never actually read Peter Pan. I know it has many different options as titles so I am just going to say Peter Pan. My exposure has been through the many movies and picture books that have adapted it. This fanfic actually makes me want to go read it just so that I have a full grasp of what I am missing here. You don’t have to read it to get the gist. Especially in this prologue. Chikadee-pan has lost track of what she was writing about and we are treated to a marvelously confusing prologue. This is actually my favorite part of the story. You will soon understand. I recommend taking something for nausea because you feel a bit like you are being spun around in circles as you read this.

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