2425: Threads of fate – Oneshot

Title: Threads of fate
Author: Atlas Bloodstone
Media: Video Game
Topic: Legend of Dragoon
Genre: Drama/Humor (Also known as edge or agnst)
URL: Threads of fate
Critiqued by TacoMagic and Swenia

*Taco drags himself into the riffing chamber and flops down into a chair next to Swenia, who has her head reclined back with a large bag of ice resting across her eyes*

Rough morning?

*Swenia pulls the bag off her face, revealing a puffy right eye* “Naw.  I was doing a little morning sparring with some of the new military folk we seem to be collecting.  That Asari has a mean left hook.”

Well, I’m surprised it’s so munda-

“Of course, she stopped pulling her punches after I made a pass at her.  Well, a couple passes.”  *She winces while gingerly testing the eye with her fingers*  “I think I’m in there.”

There it is.  Wait, don’t you have like a crazy healing factor or something?

“‘Accelerated’ just means the swelling hits hard, fast, and goes away without a bruise.  Twenty minutes and it’ll be fine.  It’s great on the battlefield when you got a hormone cocktail loaded with adrenaline and endorphins going, but it stings like a bitch when you’re just sitting at home.  But, as much as I love talking about me, what are we doing this morning?”

I’m glad you asked!  This week we’re diving back into my pile of Legend of Dragoon fanfiction to dig out a short, edgelordy little fic called “Threads of fate” by Atlas Bloodstone.

“Woof.  I’m already getting some of that edgelord flavor just off that name alone.  But that doesn’t explain why you need me here.”

Call it repayment for me dragging Jiwe out of the colored goo room last week.

“Fine.  Why do we even have that room, anyway?”

Dude, where else are we going to keep all our colored goo?  Summary time!

A young wingly is held captive in his own home for murder. Precious sulfur and soot, the battle begins in a dimly lit room, where he is being tried and covicted of killing

“That is starting off on a pretty foreboding note.”

*Taco furiously thumbs through a book*

“The hell are you doing over there?”

Speed Latin-ing.  Covicted: A reduction of Comvincere meaning to conquer together or to conquer completely.

“Well, that’s neat and all, but we should probably get to covicting this fic.”

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2407: Talk Show of Pudding episode 7

Title:Talk Show of Pudding episode 7
Author: memyselfisesshy93 and Ghastlyme4
Media: Kitchen Sink / Video Game
Topic: Kitchen Sink / Legend of Dragoon
Genre: “Humor”/Parody
URL: Talk Show of Pudding episode 7
Critiqued by TacoMagic

And we’re finally here, the final installment of the ill-conceived boredom project: Talk Show of Pudding.  Not only is this the last episode, it also happens to be the episode that attracted my attention to the series.  The only reason I looked at it was because I saw the topic “Legend of Dragoon” on it while taking a spin through the author’s profile, and thus our journey began.

Time to get this over with.

Announcer: Welcome my friends to Talk Show of Pudding. If you are from France then you’re not welcomed.

I find myself being quite envious of the French for getting actively excluded.

CHGN: G4! WTF? You didn’t need to say that!

NONE SHALL BE SPARED OUR STORY!

G4: I didn’t say it. Xavier did.

Announcer: He made me say it.

Huh, Announcer has a name.  I wonder if Xavier and Dave hang out and lament over their lives after each show.

G4: SHUT UP! Anyway… On today’s episode, our guest someone who is a favorite of ours, meaning that I will actually do this right… somewhat. Please welcome “the young flame,” Dart Feld!

What part of that was “somewhat” right?  The part where you didn’t capitalize his wrestling title?

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1284: The Legend of Dragoon: The Eighth Spirit – Chapter Thirty-Five

Title: The Legend of Dragoon: The Eighth Spirit
Author: PhoenixofShadows
Media: Video Game
Topic: Legend of Dragoon
Genre: Fantasy/Adventure
URL: The Legend of Dragoon: The Eighth Spirit
Critiqued by TacoMagic and Swenia

Welp, this is it, we’re finally here.  The last chapter.

“That means I get my Wednesdays back, right?”

For the time being, yes.  Eliza hasn’t had as much face time in the riffs as you or Crunchy, so I’m planning on making my next big collaboration with her.

“You’re stealing my babysitter!?”

Maybe you could ask Shad-

*Panicked screaming echoes in from the hallway*

Um, well, I’m sure you’ll find somebody.

“Ugh, fine.   I guess I’ll handle the recap this week.  Last time, uh, did anything happen?”

Let’s go look.

*Ten minutes of reading the last riff later*

“Ah right, that stupid-ass dream sequence with Stanky’s mom.  Then the party hangs out on an island for a bit, and nothing important really happens except they go from one part of the island to another part of the island.  The new part has a town and a port on it or something.  And then we started drinking.”

Yeah, it gets really hazy after the drinking bit.

“I vaguely remember making a pass at… somebody and getting shut down because I was a little steaming drunk.”

I think it was Markus.  Again.

“Damn, I need to drink in a place where I can hit on a greater variety of people.”

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1269: The Legend of Dragoon: The Eighth Spirit – Chapter Thirty-Four

Title: The Legend of Dragoon: The Eighth Spirit
Author: PhoenixofShadows
Media: Video Game
Topic: Legend of Dragoon
Genre: Fantasy/Adventure
URL: The Legend of Dragoon: The Eighth Spirit
Critiqued by TacoMagic and Swenia

“Ugh!  Are we still doing this thing!?”

Yup, another two weeks.

“It’s going so much slower than I imagined!”

Pretty true of the whole fic, really.  Last chapter was pretty empty of substance.  I really doesn’t need a recap beyond that spooky stuff happened on the ghost ship that was too vague to be interesting or useful to the audience and then Rose, Dart, Meru, and Stanky ended up falling into the ocean and getting swept away.  That’s pretty much it.  After getting swept away they find themselves

Chapter XXXIV: Stranded in Lidiera

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1262: The Legend of Dragoon: The Eighth Spirit – Chapter Thirty-Three

Title: The Legend of Dragoon: The Eighth Spirit
Author: PhoenixofShadows
Media: Video Game
Topic: Legend of Dragoon
Genre: Fantasy/Adventure
URL: The Legend of Dragoon: The Eighth Spirit
Critiqued by TacoMagic and Swenia

Three left.  We’re getting this sucker done by the end of the year!

“Hurrah!”

Unfortunately that does mean we still have three more weeks of this schlop.  And it’ll probably feel even longer than the eight months leading up to now.

“Sorta like that last fifteen minutes at work on a Friday.”

Last time we had a very brief chapter where they were on a boat.  That was pretty much it.  They also saw the ghost ship, which I presume this chapter is going to revolve around.

Chapter XXXIII: The Ghost Ship

Called it.

“You must be so happy.”

Yeah, not really.

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1255: The Legend of Dragoon: The Eighth Spirit – Chapter Thirty-Two

Title: The Legend of Dragoon: The Eighth Spirit
Author: PhoenixofShadows
Media: Video Game
Topic: Legend of Dragoon
Genre: Fantasy/Adventure
URL: The Legend of Dragoon: The Eighth Spirit
Critiqued by TacoMagic and Swenia

“Ugh, are we there yet?”

No, we certainly aren’t.

“How about now?”

No, we’re not there yet.

“Now?”

NO!  Don’t make me turn this riff around.   I’ll make the both of us riff everything we’ve done to date, but backwards!

“But it’s sooooooo looooooooooong!”

Hey, just because we’ve been doing this fic since the beginning of time, doesn’t mean it’s long.

So, last time the blob managed to squeltch their way into a magical painting in which princess Emille is trapped in magical slumber.  As soon as they arrive, she wakes up… because that’s how magical slumber works.  Using the power of her kindness, they break into the ceremony and expose the impostor, who happens to be a winglie by the name of Lenus.  They show down with her in the worst fight scene ever written, and she steals the Moon Dagger and bugs off.  The chapter ends with Stanky noticing that Meru looks like a winglie.

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1248: The Legend of Dragoon: The Eighth Spirit – Chapter Thirty-One Part Two

Title: The Legend of Dragoon: The Eighth Spirit
Author: PhoenixofShadows
Media: Video Game
Topic: Legend of Dragoon
Genre: Fantasy/Adventure
URL: The Legend of Dragoon: The Eighth Spirit
Critiqued by TacoMagic and Swenia

“So, how was the trip?”

Not great.  The standard gambit of fall illness you get as a parent really put a crimp on the mini-vacation.

“And then you get to come home to another day of this fic.”

I was trying not to think about that.

“So what happened last time?  Glad you asked!”

But I didn-

“Last time there was much mayhem in the castle!  Well, at least that’s what the chapter title told us was going on, which I assume was taking place in a different part of the castle.  What we actually got to see was our nefarious character blob bully some bandits-turned-knights who were doing a pretty good job.  After being defeated by these knights, the group snuck into the castle in order to fetch themselves a princess.  Because she’s apparently way more useful at getting past the guards than they are.  Which, actually, does indeed prove to be the case as she handily browbeats a gaggle of guard into submission, allowing the blob to break into Princess Emille’s room.  We leave off with the group staring at a ransacked, yet untouched room.”

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