2566: Legendary Dungeons, Futuristic Dragons – Chapter 15

Title: D&D Tag Along
Author: Tint
Media: Tabletop RPG
Topic: Dungeons & Dragons
Genre: Adventure / Fantasy
URL: Chapter 15
Critiqued by BatJamags and Kane

Hello once again, patrons! I’m your guest host, BatJamags, and I’m back with the actual final installment of D&D Tag-Along. I hope. Unless this actually is as long as the first chapter (Spoiler: It’s actually one of the shorter chapters. The author was lying).

Last time, Hockey Stu turned out to not just be a demigod, but an ACTUAL FUCKING DEITY.

Kane: No, I believe that was Ehlonna and Nerull.

Wiseass. Anyway, Hockey Stu somehow got Nerull and Vecna to stop beating each other up and went to go fight the apparent main bad guy, who we don’t know anything about other than that he’s named Kas. Let’s get rolling.

D&D Tag Along

And in the end, that still hasn’t stopped not being not the title of the fic.

Kane: That was painful.

I did my best.

Chapter 15: Death, Betrayal, Lies, War, Arrogance

, and pie. There should be pie at the end. It’s the least you can do for your readers after making them sit through all of this.

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2561: Legendary Dungeons, Futuristic Dragons – Chapters 13 and 14

Title: D&D Tag Along
Author: Tint
Media: Tabletop RPG
Topic: Dungeons & Dragons
Genre: Adventure / Fantasy
URL: Chapters 13 and 14
Critiqued by BatJamags and Kane

Hello once again, patrons! I’m your guest host, BatJamags, and I’m back with what may be, with a little luck, the final installment of D&D Tag-Along.

Kane: Highly doubtful.

Hey, a guy can dream, right?

Kane: My dreams were being invaded by Elder Gods so I designed a ritual to stop myself from having them.

Last time, there was a big stupid fight where Gabriel died and Hockey Stu almost died. Then he had a pointless conversation with some goddess or other. Keep in mind that I just summarized two chapters of this thing in as many sentences.

D&D Tag Along

Hello, title of this fic. Haven’t seen you in… about four inches of screen space.

Chapter 13: Pure Neutral Alignment

Author, that’s True Neutral or just Neutral.

Kane: As I see it, the ethical axis ranges from sane to indecisive to mad, and the moral one from evil (with delusions of righteousness) to evil (but squeamish) to evil.

So that makes you Sane Evil and him Indecisive Evil-but-Squeamish?

Kane: Roughly.

I’m not sure how I feel about calling you sane, but the rest checks out.

A/N: Just a couple of quick little notes before I start. Inadvertently, I discovered a Yu-Gi-Oh card named Boneheimer. It’s a weak little sea horse thing, barely any attack or defense, no effect. Imagine my disappointment.

Kane: Rather appropriate, though I’m sorely disappointed that someone else was under the impression that “Boneheimer” would be an acceptable name for anything.

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2556: Legendary Dungeons, Futuristic Dragons – Chapters 11 and 12

Ladies and gentlemen, this is it. This is the culmination of Project: One Year Later, which you’ve probably never heard of if you’re not a Librarian. I am scheduling this on February nineteenth, 2019. That’s a full year in advance, kids. And I’m almost through the Backlog of Doom!

Title: D&D Tag Along
Author: Tint
Media: Tabletop RPG
Topic: Dungeons & Dragons
Genre: Adventure / Fantasy
URL: Chapters 11 and 12
Critiqued by BatJamags and Kane

Hello once again, patrons! I’m your guest host, BatJamags, and I’m back with yet another couple chapters of D&D Tag-Along, the fic which I bet has probably stopped being called that between chapters.

D&D Tag Along

Oh, nope! Looks like it didn’t! Funny how that happened.

Kane: Fascinating. Truly.

So, last time, Hockey Stu, Dragonshit, and Gabriel went into the future-present to save Stalky Sue from Bonehead McEvil. This went predictably poorly. First, Lord-King Baltimore devised a cunning plan to trap all of these assholes in the future, well away from his kingdom in both time and place. Second, they ran into some of the “punks” from the first chapter and dispatched them with minimal effort. This led them to meet up with Hockey Stu’s D&D group, including some big guy, Ashley the Female Wisecracker™, and then that one other dude. They revealed that Hockey Stu’s parents who never appeared and haven’t been named are dead, which was probably supposed to have some kind of emotional impact. They, being under Bonehead McEvil’s control, led Hockey Stu into his fourth incredibly obvious trap because Hockey Stu is stupider than GoodJamags. Then, rather than JUST KILLING HIM, Bonehead McEvil decided to (for no reason whatsoever) make Hockey Stu fight a duel against some random three-eyed lady, who’s a werewolf now. We left off as the battle was about to begin.

Chapter 11: Battles in the Streets

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2552: Legendary Dungeons, Futuristic Dragons – Chapters 9 and 10

Title: D&D Tag Along
Author: Tint
Media: Tabletop RPG
Topic: Dungeons & Dragons
Genre: Adventure / Fantasy
URL: Chapters 9 and 10
Critiqued by BatJamags and Kane

Hello once again, patrons! I’m your guest host, BatJamags, and I’m back with another thrilling chapter or two of D&D Tag-Along, the fic where the future-present is about to get bone(heimer’)d.

Kane: That was atrocious.

Don’t blame me, blame the author for coming up with the name.

Last time, a series of incompetent and disjointed plans enabled Hockey Stu and Stalky Sue to bumble into *snerk* Boneheimer’s evil fortress, where they walked into yet another obvious trap and managed to avoid getting brutally slaughtered by our stupidly-named villain. When our oddly long-tentacled foe took Stalky Sue hostage, Hockey Stu sold out his entire time period in exchange for her life, because the power of Bone(heime)rs is stronger. Normally, this would be a brilliant move, since there’s no way Bonehead McEvil’s pathetic little mutant army could survive thirty seconds against a modern military force. However, the characters all seem to think that Bonehead McEvil might actually conquer the future, which instead makes it a dick move on Hockey Stu’s part. We then find out that for some reason, only people from Hockey Stu’s time period and eeeeeeeevil creatures can actually pass through the portal, so Hockey Stu is forced to pursue Bonehead McEvil alone. This has the unintended but amusing consequence of implying that Hockey Stu and Stalky Sue are evil creatures, which, being a Stu and a Sue, respectively, they are.

Kane: Enough. If we must continue, let us do so.

D&D Tag Along

And take a look at the title of the fic again! That sure is the title of the fic, and definitely hasn’t ceased to be so since the last chapter.

Chapter 9: Hidden Friends

This shit is exactly why I hate playing hide-and-seek.

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2548: Legendary Dungeons, Futuristic Dragons – Chapters 7 and 8

Title: D&D Tag Along
Author: Tint
Media: Tabletop RPG
Topic: Dungeons & Dragons
Genre: Adventure / Fantasy
URL: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/2159233/7/D-D-Tag-Along
Critiqued by BatJamags and Kane

Hello once again, patrons. I’m your guest host, BatJamags, and I’m back with another chapter of D&D Tag Along. Or DD Tag-Along, as the author has apparently taken to calling it.

DD Tag Along

See?

Chapter 7: War Tactics

Kane: The word “war” strikes me as an unnecessary clarification.

A/N: A couple of interesting points have been raised. Now that I think about it, Tint (the character) suddenly appears to be useless.

“Suddenly?”

“Appears?”

He’s only killed two creatures before and has yet to show any extraordinary abilities. Here he is, thrust into the middle of an all out war of unexplainable importance. I’ll have to think of something that will set him above any other ordinary fighter.

I have a hunch that this paragraph is what causes this fic’s rapid spiral into insanity in the last few chapters.

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2542: Legendary Dungeons, Futuristic Dragons – Chapters 5 and 6

Title: D&D Tag Along
Author: Tint
Media: Tabletop RPG
Topic: Dungeons & Dragons
Genre: Adventure / Fantasy
URL: Chapters 5 and 6
Critiqued by BatJamags and Kane

Hello once again, patrons! I’m your guest host, BatJamags, and we’re back with D&D Tag-Along, the fic where the villain had the protagonist at his mercy but wouldn’t JUST KILL HIM!

Which is basically what happened last chapter. Hockey Stu unceremoniously dispatched the omnipotent God-Kobold and our intrepid heroes moved on. Yay.

So let’s go!

Kane: I can barely restrain my enthusiasm.

DD Tag Along

Aw, now you’re bothering Daredevil, too? Doesn’t Matt have enough problems in his life?

Chapter 5: Dragon of Dondoria

Kane: Because these fools, being a realistic adventuring party, naturally intend to return the all-powerful magic gem to its rightful owner rather than using it to become the supreme rulers of the multiverse.

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2535: Legendary Dungeons, Futuristic Dragons – Chapters 3 and 4

Title: D&D Tag Along
Author: Tint
Media: Tabletop RPG
Topic: Dungeons & Dragons
Genre: Adventure / Fantasy
URL: Chapters 3 and 4
Critiqued by BatJamags

Hello once again, patrons! I’m your guest host, BatJamags, and we’re back with more of D&D Tag Along, the fic that’s bringing you thrilling Kobold-fighting action!

Kane: Where did I go wrong in life?

Last time, Hockey Stu and Stalky Sue bullshitted (Bullshat? Bullshot?) around for a little while before setting off on the road, Hockey Stu was whiny, some Kobolds attacked with a nonsensically-applied Sleep spell (which was quite possibly running on game mechanics), and then our heroes just kind of shrugged their shoulders about it and moved on.

D&D Tag Along

Oh, wow, look what didn’t stop being the name of the fic.

Chapter 3: The Fire’n’Water Inn

That’s still a bad inn name.

Kane: If I had an inn, I would name it The Black Pits of Madness.

… I see.

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