1949: A Special Task — Chapters 9, 10, and 11

Title: A Special Task
Author: Generatedname
Media: Video Game
Topic: Mass Effect
Genre: Sci-Fi/Adventure
URL: Chapter 9Chapter 10, and Chapter 11
Critiqued by: AdmiralSakai and Senior Cabalist-Lieutenant Rijus Ta’nin

Hello hello all you patrons! Rijus and I are back once again with another very, errrm, special series of chapters from A Special Task.

Last time formal contact with the Council races finally happened after 120 years of playing peek-a-boo with the salarians, when a group of annoying volus showed up on an exploration mission and then promptly returned to the Citadel without much more than a how-do-you-do. This led to a proper diplomatic team being sent out by the Vol Protectorate to initiate negotiations… which Ambassador Rozhenko did by getting all of the volus ambassadors drunk on vodka, making them agree to an unfavorable (and rather vague) deal, and then when they all woke up the next morning using that fact to blackmail them. Really upstanding guys here.

We left off just as a more formal human delegation consisting of Rozhenko, Donnell Udina, Lia Their Token AI Friend Geromy, and some undescribed person in a military uniform who may or may not be the bit character Admiral Hannah Singh and may or may not exist from scene to scene was just setting up to try the same stupid vodka trick again (complete with glasses rigged to trick observers into thinking they themselves are drinking the same amount as the aliens when in fact it’s much less) in a full session with the Citadel Council.

Chapter 4- Revelations

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1948: THE PRINCESS BRIDE: LADY IN WAITING – Chapter Two, Part Two

Title: THE PRINCESS BRIDE: LADY IN WAITING
Author: GaGa4FrightNight
Media: Movie
Topic: The Princess Bride (Movie Version)
Genre: Romance/Humor
URL:Chapter Two
Critiqued by Lina

*Lina plops down into Lyle’s chair and presses a few buttons on the desk.*

She owes me so much for this.

*pops her neck and rolls her shoulders*

Welcome, Patrons, to THE PURPLE BRIDE: LADY IS WHINING.  I’m Lina and I’m taking over for Lyle today.  She has a new work schedule and can’t be here right now.

*straightens a few papers on the desk and glances at them*

If I’ve gone over Lyle’s notes correctly, the last time we saw this fic, the Sue coerced a marriage proposal from Humperdinck while he was tied to a bed.  Then they fucked, although they did so “off screen,” so the thesaurus was spared from having to come up with twenty different ways to say they fucked.  Small victories.

Let’s see what this chapter has in store for us.

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1947: Blue Moon – One Shot

Title: Blue Moon
Author: SivanShemesh
Media: Books/Cartoon
Topic: Lord of the Rings/The Smurfs
Genre: Angst and Humor
URL: Chapter One
Critiqued by Angie and Queenie

Queenie: “Australian, not Scottish.”

Shut up.

Queenie: “That’s why Jack calls him a kangaroo at one point.”

I will physically fight you.

Welcome back to Angie Pays for Her Sins. This time, I’m reviewing a Lord in the Rings fanfiction to repay for Brego’s Mistress.

Queenie: I went through the tiresome labor of searching for a fanfiction, and I stumbled upon a crossover between some Earth cartoon called The Smurfs. The title is also the name of a beer brand. So…that’s fun.

This fic is called Coors Light.

Queenie: That’s…nope. That’s incorrect. The fic is called Blue Moon. Let’s begin.

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1946: Five night’s with Foxy and Mike – Chapter 2 part 1

 

Title: Five night’s with Foxy and Mike
Author: PLeasedestroyme

Media: Video Game
Topic: Five Nights at Freddy’s
Genre: none given
URL: Chapter 2

Critiqued by: Ghostcat (with special guests)

 

 

 

 

Hello, dear Patrons! I hope everyone is having a safe and healthy New Year and hasn’t already watched their resolutions crash and burn like dot-com stocks in 2000.

I’m here with the second chapter of this short little fic; and it is indeed the second chapter. For some reason the author labelled the second chapter “Chapter 2 part 1” and the third chapter “Chapter 2 part 2” even though they are two separate chapters. I have no idea why.

(A short warning, there is mention of sticking dicks in places that they really shouldn’t go.)

Oh, no.

:the thunderous sound of running footsteps can be heard echoing through the halls of the Library:

Good thing I’m in the Ultra-Reinforced Bunker™.

:The Ultra-Reinforced Door™ of the bunker flies off its hinges, shattering against the far wall into a shower of rubble as Ghostie dives under the desk:

:As the dust clears, several figures step through the ruined door:

Syl: “WHERE ARE THE PENISES?!?”

Well … shit. That’s the last time I use Crunchy as a general contractor.

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1945: The Shadow Warriors – Chapter Eight

Title: The Shadow Warriors
Author: Shadow knight1121
Media: Comics
Topic: Justice League
Genre: Crime/Mystery
URL: Chapter 8
Critiqued by BatJamags (GoodJamags)

Hello once again, patrons! I’m your guest host, BatJamags, and I’m back with more of The Shadow Warriors, the train wreck of a fic that wants to be about Batman but also doesn’t like him for some reason.

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1944: Star Wars: Shadow War Episode I – Chapter One

Title:  Star Wars: Shadow War Episode I
Author:  dragonfang33
Media: Movie / Cartoon
Topic: Star Wars / MLP
Genre: Sci-Fi / Adventure
URL: Star Wars: Shadow War Episode I
Critiqued by TacoMagic and Darth Lord Crunchy (Retired)

Unnnggghhh, did anyone get the number of that party that hit me?

*Taco, who is laying on the ground covered in glitter and confetti, lifts his head off the ground to peer around the riffing chamber with blood-shot eyes*

The hell am I doing in Riffcon?

“Such an unseemly display.  Truly you monkeys have no sense of propriety.”

What are you doing here?

“The girls asked me to deliver your latest project.  Given the source material, it was inevitable that you would seek out and forcibly procure my assistance, so I acquiesced.

Another Star Wars, then?

“Sadly, yes.  Crossed with that show about ponies, no less.”

Well shit.  Okay, give me a moment to gather myself and we’ll do this thing.

“Allow me.  Darkwraiths!  Unleash the roughage!”

-*A pressurized blast of coffee and a change of clothes later*-

That was oddly refreshing.  Once you get past being burned by scalding hot coffee, anyway.

“I prefer to think of that as a bonus.”

Hello, dear patrons!  This week we start in on another smaller project: ‘Star Wars: Shadow Wars Episode I’ which has the distinction of being the only Star Wars fics I’ve riffed so far this year!

“Clever.”

While we’ve already covered the two canons covered by the fic, it’s worthwhile to note that this fic takes place in an AU that revolves around Emperor Luke Skywalker ruling over a new Jedi Empire in the wake of the events of the New Jedi Order book series.  It’s an AU featured in a handful of fanfics I’ve looked at, so apparently it’s a thing that exists outside of this particular fic.  I’m not sure why this small collection of authors created this AU, as it clashes pretty hard with all the books leading up to it, but I’ve learned that fanfiction AUs rarely bother to attempt to seamlessly merge with the source material.

Anyway, let’s just jump into the summary.

“Must we?”

How else are we supposed to know what’s going on?

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1943: A Special Task — Chapters 6, 7, and 8

Title: A Special Task
Author: Generatedname
Media: Video Game
Topic: Mass Effect
Genre: Sci-Fi/Adventure
URL: Chapter 6Chapter 7, and Chapter 8
Critiqued by: AdmiralSakai and Senior Cabalist-Lieutenant Rijus Ta’nin

Hello hello all you patrons, and welcome back to A Special Task, everyone’s favorite Codex-that-aspires-to-become-an-HFY-’fic.

Previously, we watched the humans basically ignore the attempts by the salarians to uplift them and instead just find prothean ruins at their Mars colony as originally happened. Then the UEA- which is a different entity from the Systems Alliance for no real reason that I can think of- refused to engage with the Salarian teams sent to see what was happening, built some enormous warships to fight nobody, experimented with AI, and blew up a Blood Pack troopship.”

Note that all of this happened in the prologue, which by the way is four chapters long and approximately 50% codex entries and timelines. That, in turn, brings us to the story’s first ‘proper’ chapter, ‘Second Contact’:
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