Title: Unknown Origins
Media: Video Games
Topic: Fallout: New Vegas
Genre: Adventure and Romance
URL: Chapter One
Critiqued by Angie and Hiraani
Helloooo, friends! My name is Hiraani, and Angie…. *awkwardly looks over to Angie, slamming her head against the wall*
Angie: It’s stupid! It’s so fucking stupid! This fic is terrible!
Angie needs a little break, so I’m going to be filling in for this chapter. Which…judging by the Prologue, will take me eleven years. That’s okay! Let’s dive into Unkno—
Queenie: *slams open the door with her foot* I AM HERE TO HELP.
Queenie: I HAVE BEEN SENT BY THE ROYAL GUARD.
Queenie: No, the royal guard.
Okay. So Gumdrop.
Queenie: Anyway, they informed me that inferior human left you alone to review this fic.
Angie? She’s not that bad. And it’s only for this chapter—
Queenie: The chapter that will take several thousand weeks to review in its entirety? Right. Let’s take a look at Unknown Origins.
Hello, and welcome back to another chapter of potential trollfic! In the last chapter we were presented with the implausible scenario of the entire country of Arendelle moving to Portland, Oregon followed by an exceptionally dull play-by-play of some of the gameplay mechanics.
Never have I prayed so fervently for a jumpscare.
On to the fic!
# -Back at the sisters’ house, Saturday, March 17, 1983- #
Yay, another time-stamp. And it’s one that reminds me of a gritty crime drama, which is going to put a weird cast on things.
Anna lay in her bed, snuggled up in her bed sheets with her red hair all messed up.
A nice warm bed with a built-in snuggle buddy sounds pretty damn good.
She then woke to a familiar smell.
This is why you shouldn’t have spicy foods before bed.
Yeah, right; I’m sure it was ‘chocolate’ that she was smelling.
She blinked open her sleepy eyes, and smelled the scent of chocolate getting heavier.
Someone open a window before she melts the wallpaper!
She sat up in her bed and rubbed her eyes with her right hand as to get the bits of sleep out. She was now wide awake.
Anna wakes up a lot faster than I do, and I usually have several hungry cats wanting my attention to help me out.
‘Is Elsa cooking something?’ she thought to herself.
Or the house could be made out of chocolate and is also on fire. But your hypothesis is good, too.
Title: The Shadow Warriors
Author: Shadow knight1121
Topic: Justice League
URL: Chapter 5
Critiqued by BatJamags (GoodJamags and Kane)
Shadow Kill count: 5
Hello once again, patrons! I’m your guest host, GoodJamags, and we’re back for more of The Shadow Warriors!
Kane: For some reason beyond even my comprehension, this one has asked me to return as well.
Last time, not much happened. Like, at all. This time, I don’t expect much better.
Hey, patrons, welcome back to Wednesday! It’s been a while since we’ve done a Metroid fic, so I figured I’d dust off the genre and get cracking on one!
Although, in this case, it’s a cross with Pikmin, which is a canon we’ve not featured in the Library previously.
Luckily, Pikmin is a series of games where the main focus is more on the game part and less on the story part, so there isn’t much to cover. The basic premise of the series is that you control a tiny alien who’s crash-landed on an Earth-like planet called PNF-404, and use a bunch of tiny plant slaves to do your bidding (In the first game the focus is fixing your ship, later games have slightly more variety of mission). In later installments there are multiple characters to control who have slightly different skill sets, but the basic premise of the series remains the same: you control your tiny sentient plant horde to wreck terrible violence upon the small creatures of PNF-404.
Anyway, let’s see how this will get mixed with Metroid!
Hello hello all you patrons, and welcome back to The Lone Wolf Of The Normandy
Last time we got more fucking around by Blaze Shepard and his band of miscellaneous miscreants as they tried to recruit Covenant troops to go on their mission to rescue Blaze’s mom- who in turn has decided to ditch her ship on a conveniently nearby planet for reasons that I’m sure have absolutely nothing to do with the author attempting to crib elements from the ‘Infinity’ campaign mission in Halo 4. We were also introduced to one of the Covenant prisoners, Stealth Minor Lulo ‘Vadamee (yes, as in that ‘Vadamee), who is currently the best character simply by virtue of hating all the OCs and wanting to sword them to death.
-”It’s a bad, bad sign when the squidhead is the most sensible person on the ship.”-
Oh yeah, and Dot confessed to Shepard that she’d been monitoring the Commander’s search history, while Logan did what he did best- whine and brood.
Show and Tell Counter: 57
Amorous Counter: 116
Collateral Douchebag Counter: 36
Media: Video Games
Genre: Stupid Fucking Idiots Doing Stupid Shit
URL: Chapter Three
Critiqued by Leider Hosen and Sabre-Captain Kallybre Drygg
!!Warning!! Atop previous warnings of abduction trivialization, suddenly and from behind we have mild rape trivialization. Great.
Welcome patrons, to the fanfics! Last time on “Succubus”: Kitty Sue went to her “home”, which is really a trust between two sly business owners, and made poorly written love to Sammy G. In the haze of afterglow, Sammy G warped her into Skyrim and played mad scientist with her DNA. And that’s about it.
-Kallybre chugs from a sizable cask of whisky- Huff, I believe I’m in the proper state of mind to be reading this now. Let’s get it over with.
Title: Coffin Rock: Retold
Topic: The Blair Witch Project/Alpha and Omega
Genre: Mystery and Horror
URL: Chapter Five
Critiqued by Angie
Howdy, all! My name is Angie, and we are returning with yet another edition of Coffin Rock: Retold. Last time, Nexus completely ripped off an entire scene from The Blair Witch Project even though this takes place seventeen years after the events of the movie. So, without further ado, let’s read.