2035: Realm of the New God – Chapters One and Two

Title: Realm of the New God
Author: Thatoneselfinsertguy
Media: Video Games
Topic: Fire Emblem Awakening
Genre: Self Insert
URL: chapter 1
Critiqued by Zeus Killer Productions

Realm of the New God riff #1-How to start an untypical typical fanfic

I apologize if this confuses some of you. See, I did do the first chapter, but my initial style, namely just describing stuff on a skim basis while not showing anything from the original fanfic, confused some people, and it’s partially my fault. I thought that I’d be able to give people a viable picture of what the fanfic was like without having to show it. Hopefully, this will not only serve as a better picture riff of what’s going on, but also allow me to improve my riffing style.

Are you ready to explore the world of Fire Emblem fanfiction? There are boundless possibilities for you to explore, such as potential AU’s, off-screen relationships between characters, and even potential ways you imagine how the games went. All of those options are indicative of a surprising amount of creativity…by following the crowd and doing what everyone else is doing.

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2034: Legend of Zelda: The True Force – Chapter Three

Title: Legend of Zelda: The True Force
Author:  Hikari no Vikki
Media: Video Game / Movie
Topic: Legend of Zelda / Star Wars
Genre: Adventure / Fantasy
URL: Legend of Zelda: The True Force
Critiqued by TacoMagic

Hello, patrons!  Welcome back to The Legend of Zelda: The Ocarina of The Force!  Or something like that.  I’ve decided I won’t really bother with recaps until the author actually starts diverging from the source materials, so don’t expect to see summaries until around chapter eleven.

And if you don’t think that’s a demoralizing thought, then try this one:

Chapter Three: On to Castle Town!

Title: Legend of Zelda – The True Force

Chapter: 3

Author: Hikari no Vikki

Genre: Adventure/Fantasy

Disclaimer: If I owned Zelda or Star Wars, would I even been saying the word “if” in my disclaimer?

Description: A modern Hyrule is in chaos. After reconstruction from the receding sea, the New Hyrule is literally built from the ashes of the Old Kingdom. However, history is destined, or rather, determined to repeat itself.

Though, to be fair, I’m actually kinda glad that Vikki isn’t taking the disclaimer seriously because, at the risk of being a broken record, disclaiming ownership of something that, by the letter of the law, you are stealing doesn’t really change the fact that you’re stealing it.  And that’s still the case regardless of how well you write the disclaimer, so it’s generally best not to take them too seriously as an author since lawyers definitely won’t.  Certainly it’s never stopped the big corporations like Disney from blanket-sending CNDs whenever the mood takes them.

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2033: Friendship Is Something Or Other: The Covenant War — Chapter 3 Part One

Title: Friendship Is Magic: The Covenant War
Author:  Dragonfang33
Media: Video Game / Cartoon
Topic: Halo / My Little Pony
Genre: Adventure / Sci-Fi
URL: Chapter 3
Critiqued by: AdmiralSakai and Serketry

Hello hello all you patrons, and welcome back to Friendship is Apparently Not In Fact Magic: The Covenant War.

Last time we were treated to a surprising amount of fuck all as the Battle Of Equestria raged in the background and Thel Va(n)damee sat around Covenant-occupied Manehattan angsting about war being hell (or, for him, war being mildly uncomfortable).

The ashes of the pony corpses were wreaking havoc on his thick coating of white foundation.

Meanwhile, the Mane Six dicked around in the general vicinity of Admiral Antivirus’s ship in the Everfree and finally made contact. Which required them to be blindfolded for some reason because apparently Admiral Antivirus is the LORD thy GOD or something and it is unsafe to look at him directly. We also got introduced to the rest of the UNSC command staff, namely Captain Ryan (who has an eyepatch and cybernetic arm because EDGE), Spartan Alex-201 (aka Spartan Red-and-Black, aka Edgelord Junior), and finally the chief NCO of the Marine and ODST complement… shit, what was his name?


Yeah, and… wait, what was his title?

Staff… sergeant? Or was he a gunnery sergeant?

Yeah. That guy. Sergeant Rhodes. He was… forgettable.

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2032 Betrayal – Chapter Eight (Which Is Chapter Nine, But Isn’t Even a Chapter) and Chapter Nine (Which Is Really Chapter Eight But Is Listed as Chapter Ten)

Title: Betrayal
Author: Darksakudragon
Media: Anime
Topic: Naruto
Genre: Fantasy/Adventure
URL: Chapter Eight?
Critiqued by Lyle

*walks into the riffing chamber carrying an extra large coffee in each hand*

Good morning, lovelies!

*sits down at her desk and takes a sip from each drink*

Lina has bribed me to keep her out of today’s riff after what I did to her last week.  I am okay with this.

*takes another drink of her coffees before setting them both down on the desk and rubbing her hands together*

I have a treat and a half for you guys today.  We’re going to get through more than one chapter of this rhinoceros excrement!  Hold your collective groans for after the riff, please.  Let’s recap, then get to it.

Last time on “Betrayal,” Sakura and Shikamaru joined the Akatsuki because why the fuck not?


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2031: The Right Partner – Chapters 14 and 15 (Finale)

Title: The Right Partner
Author: Justasmalltowngirl2713
Media: Film
Topic: The Avengers (2012)
Genre: Romance/Adventure
URL: Chapter 14
Critiqued by BatJamags

Lousy Goddamn Stupid Blushing count: 15

Shits I Give count: -16

We Watched the Movie count: 12

Time is Not on my Side (No it’s Not) count:

Ahoy, ye Scurvy Swabs count: 3

You’re Not as Funny as you Think you Are count: 11

Hello once again, patrons, and Happy Mothers’ Day! I’m your host, BatJamags, and I’m back with one mother of a bad fanfiction the last chapter(s) of The Right Partner! And as soon as this adventure in generic Sueficcery is over, the idiot would normally be back with more of your regularly scheduled adventure in over-the-top edgery, but I’ve got something special lined up for you for next week.

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2030: A Branch of Burden – Chapter One

Title: A Branch of Burden
Author:Ravager Animas
Media: Video Game
Topic: Etrian Odyssey
Genre: Adventure/Friendship
URL: Chapter One
Critiqued by SC

Hello, and welcome back to the Library of the Damned! I’m your host, SC, and after finishing up Foreigners and Templars, I think I’m about tapped out on my interest in Dragon Age fics for the moment. It was a mix of Light Sorcerer’s writing being really frustrating (and also creepy) to read, my own information overload extravaganza, and the fact that had Jack not called them off, the Inquisition would have strung me up by my nuts for all those acronym tags I used.

Everybody’s a critic.

So, since this is the case, I’ve decided to move on to a riff from a somewhat more obscure canon that I enjoy – Etrian Odyssey!

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2029: She’s Got a Little Bit of Raptor in Those Angel Eyes – Chapter 9

Title: She’s Got a Bit of Raptor in Those Angel Eyes
Author: AmazingGraceless
Media: Movie/Book
Topic: Jurassic Park/Jurassic World/Twilight
Genre: Adventure/Family
URL: Chapter 9
Critiqued by Ghostcat





Hello, dear Patrons, and welcome back to the adventures of Raptorpire! Who might actually get turned into a sparklepire, despite several canon rules against such a thing ever happening.

In the last chapter, Jane, the hench-wench of the Volturi, just happened to stumble upon Lex and the boys and some mediocre “action” occurred before she vanished in a bit of convenient flames. I’m still not sure if Jane left in disgust or was set on fire and burned into a pile of ashes within seconds. Time will tell, I guess.

“What was that?” Zach asked as he and Gray walked over to her.

Lex hesitated for a moment, her brain searching for a lie.

Quick, tell him it was a very enthusiastic cosplayer!

“An assassin for a triumvirate of crime lords in Italy,” she said quickly.


That’s not a lie, that’s what Jane actually is! You’re a teenager, how can you be so terrible at lying?!?

“An assassin? She was totally only fourteen or fifteen,” Zach protested.

I think canonically Jane was extremely young when she was turned into a sparklepire, the Volturi waited until she and her twin brother were just barely old enough to escape the Immortal Child rule before turning them in order to “collect” their psychic gifts. In the movies she looks really young because she portrayed by Dakota Fanning, who always looks like she is around twelve years old.

“She’s one of the granddaughters of the triumvirate,” Lex improvised. “Kinda had to be.”

That would explain why she’s a member of the triumvirate, not why she’s an assassin. Presumably there are jobs available to family members that don’t involve murdering people. Someone has to drive the getaway car and dig the shallow graves out in the desert.

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