600: Kawaii Desu Vampire Sexy – Chapters 44,45, & 46

Title: Kawaii Desu Vampire Sexy
Author: twilightlover4eva
Topic: Various
Media: Book/Movie
Genre: none listed
URL: Chapter 44
URL: Chapter 45 
URL: Chapter 46
Critiqued by Ghostcat

Hello, delightful Patrons! This is it – the last segment of KDVS!

WOO HOO!

No, wait – that’s not enough woo-hoo.

:digs through Internet:

Here we go!

That’s more like it.

I suppose I should do a recap of the last chunk before we get through this one. Crud-nuggets.

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594: Kawaii Desu Vampire Sexy – Chapter 42, ok guize, & Chapter 43

Title: Kawaii Desu Vampire Sexy
Author: twilightlover4eva
Topic: Various
Media: Book/Movie
Genre: none listed
URL: Chapter 42
URL: ok guize
URL: Chapter 43
Critiqued by Ghostcat

Hello, my fine Patrons!

We’re finally reaching the end of the epic KDVS, only a few more chapters to go! But I’ve still got these three to get through before I can see the light at the end of the tunnel.

:sigh:

Welp, they’re not getting any shorter. Might as well dig in. But first, the recap!

:consults notes:

Yeah, not much happened. There was a finally a confrontation with the Vulturey, which Lola & Co easily won, and then the gang decided to head back to Lola’s previously burned down house. The next chapter predictably picks up right where the last one left off, but there is a little Author’s Note I’d like to share.

a/n : ok guize im making Edarts chataycer more inneresting wit like conflicks and stuff. cuz my bf sad i shood??

:headdesk:

Forty-two chapters into the fic and it occurs to her that a little conflict might make the character more interesting.

:double headdesk:

This is one of those moments when I am actually glad that this is a trollfic, but I’ve seen far too many fics where you can almost see the point where the author said to themselves “Oh, shit! What now?”

On to the chapter itself!

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587: Kawaii Desu Vampire Sexy – Chapter 40, a note aboot Ass Ketchup, & Chapter 41

Title: Kawaii Desu Vampire Sexy
Author: twilightlover4eva
Topic: Various
Media: Book/Movie
Genre: none listed
URL: Chapter 40
URL: a note aboot Ass Ketchup
URL: Chapter 41
Critiqued by Ghostcat

Welcome to my first riff of the year, dear Patrons! Unfortunately, it’s still KDVS – but we are nearing the end of the fic. Only two more after this one!

:tosses leftover New Year’s confetti into the air:

So what happened last time? Lola went from evil to good again with no conflict, there was that terrible and pointless sex scene, and Lola & Co ventured into the sovereign nation of Florida to confront the Vulturey in a gay bar while Lola began to have romantic feelings for her brother, Jesus.

The chapters are getting progressively shorter (and most are written in a series of single sentences separated by carriage returns rather than real paragraphs) and thus it is getting harder and harder for me to assemble something resembling a cohesive narrative. It’s like I’m trying to put together a table with half the pieces missing and the instructions are for a bookcase and have been translated into Ancient Sumerian before being set on fire. And then the ashes are eaten by a walrus, who is then launched into space. And I’m blindfolded.

It’s a little problematic, is all I’m saying.

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583: Kawaii Desu Vampire Sexy – Chapter 38, SEX Seen, & Chapter 39

Title: Kawaii Desu Vampire Sexy
Author: twilightlover4eva
Topic: Various
Media: Book/Movie
Genre: none listed
URL: Chapter 38
URL: SEX Seen
URL: Chapter 39
Critiqued by Ghostcat

 

WARNING: THIS FIC CONTAINS POORLY WRITTEN EROTICA AND REFERENCES TO RAPE.

 

:sigh:

Well, I’m back, dearest Patrons. Yay.

Shinobi-san has filled me in on what happened last week, and what a pile of pure steaming crap. Edward skipped back to the Thundercats via SDQF and then discovered that the man that Lola killed was :eye-twitch: Mulder. This led to the standard “characters insulting each other” scene that ended with Cheetara dying at Edward’s hands. Everyone seems just fine with this and they saunter off deeper into Hell. Suddenly everyone from team Dork Side appears, followed shortly by Lola & Co sans Lola, who is leading Satan’s forces. Edward realizes that he must kill her to end the fight, so he starts blubbering like a baby and begging for his life while she prepares to kill him even though he should still be carrying around the Sword of Omens and could easily put an end to all of this. Suddenly Loward/Jaslie/Locob runs up to them and also begs for Edward’s worthless life.

Chapter 38 begins with an Author’s Note indicating that she will judge the fanfic contest later, I haven’t a clue what she’s talking about but it sends shivers down my spine.

The chapter proper opens with Edward the giant wuss weeping openly and quickly moves into what passes for costume porn for this fic.

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578: Kawaii Desu Vampire Sexy – Chapters 31/32 & 35

Title: Kawaii Desu Vampire Sexy
Author: twilightlover4eva
Topic: Various
Media: Book/Movie
Genre: none listed
URL: Chapter 31/32
URL: Chapter 35
Critiqued by Ghostcat Gumdrop & Shinobi-san

:a large tyrannosaurus rex stands in the middle of the Riffing Chamber, accompanied by a small figure dressed all in black:

Gumdrop not sure about this, but Shiny Bee say Gumdrop should stand here while Butter Ninnies look for Ghostie. Gumdrop want help look for Ghostie, but Shiny Bee use many bad words so Gumdrop do what bossy little scary friend say.

:black-clad ninja bows deeply towards Patrons, the tyrannosaur scratches himself:

Gumdrop misses Ghostie. :tilts head down to look at ninja: Why Ghostie run away screaming many bad things?

:ninja produces a piece of chalk and writes on the floor:

Pretty word-things! :angles head slightly to see betterShiny Bee say fic broke Ghostie’s brain. Ghostie hiding now, but Butter Ninnies have been sent to find Ghostie because Shiny Bee think maybe … Scary little friend, what “sehp-poo-koo” mean?

:more writing:

Oh!. :begins to drool: That bad.

:more writing:

Gumdrop insulted by Shiny Bee’s accusation; Gumdrop would never kill Ghostie! Only scavenge afterwards.  :sighs:  It taking too long. What now?

:ninja continues writing:

Fill in for Ghostie? Gumdrop not know how!

:ninja wipes away portion of writing and adds a small mark:

Oh, Shiny Bee do it while Gumdrop stand here not breaking things. But how? Butter Ninnies never speak to anyone but Ghostie.

:ninja holds up console’s wireless keyboard:

Shiny Bee smart!

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573: Kawaii Desu Vampire Sexy – Chapter 28, ANODDER SECKS SEEN, & Chapter 30

Title: Kawaii Desu Vampire Sexy
Author: twilightlover4eva
Topic: Various
Media: Book/Movie
Genre: none listed
URL: Chapter 28
URL: ANODDER SECKS SEEN
URL: Chapter 30
Critiqued by Ghostcat

WARNING:

CONTAINS POORLY WRITTEN MATURE THEMES.

ALSO SMUT.

:sigh:

Hello, my long-suffering Patrons. I’m here with more of this incredibly fucked-up train wreck. It’s not quite as offensive as the last little nugget, but there is a sex scene sandwiched in the middle for no apparent reason. More on that later.

The last chapters were really quite impressively offensive, but there were a few fragments of a plot (of a fashion) smushed in among the fail. It was rather like panning for gold in a river of raw sewage and finding only lumps of iron pyrite, but this is what I’ve managed to piece together; Lola & Co confronted the Dork Side in Hell, and then fled back to Earth before they could accomplish any of their objectives. Once back, God appeared to tell Lola and Edward that they should get married so that they can adopt Loward/Jaslie/Locob, who is still back in Hell. Jump forward to the wedding, where many characters from many different canons appear, and Lola is abducted by Leslie, who drives the Shota Bus through the church to do so.

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569: Kawaii Desu Vampire Sexy – Chapter 24/25, a note on SPARKY, & Chapter 26

Title: Kawaii Desu Vampire Sexy
Author: twilightlover4eva
Topic: Various
Media: Book/Movie
Genre: none listed
URL: Chapter 24/25
URL: a note on SPARKY
URL: Chapter 26
Critiqued by Ghostcat

WARNING:

Contains mature themes and potential triggers. Extreme caution is advised.

HERE THERE BE MONSTERS

Well, I’m back, gentle Patrons, with another installment of … whatever this is. In the last lump of fail, we bore witness to what I shall refer to as The Song Incident as well as the addition of Mystery, Inc to the cast on the side of Lola & Co. For once these beloved canon characters weren’t dragged into the fic by the resident deus ex machina but just sort of materialized out of thin air only to be horribly violated by the fic.

Today I shall be conducting this riff from inside the brand-new Brain Bleach Sauna! Actually, I just covered the Jacuzzi with a tarp; topical application isn’t cutting it anymore, I need to breathe in those cleansingly caustic vapors. I also grabbed a few bottles from a disused chemical storage locker; they aren’t labelled so I’m not entirely sure what’s in them, but I am pretty much past caring at this point.

:toasts Patrons with bubbling flask:

Here’s hoping I go blind!

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