Hello, dearly beloved Patrons!
After finishing off a couple of one-shots, I decided to check on my previously riffed fics to see if any had been updated. Imagine my surprise when I discovered that a couple, Protective Secrets and My Angel, have had new chapters posted. Who I am has also technically been updated, but one chapter is yet another copy-pasta “You’re destroying our fics!” bitchfest/complaint and the last is a notice that the fic is up for adoption. So far there aren’t any takers, but I’m keeping an eye on it.
So with the flip of a coin, I have decided to do a catch-up riff of Protective Secrets. If you’d like to read the previous chapters you can find them here, I’m not going to summarize the entire thing but I will give the highlights from the last chapter.
:blows dust off notes:
Tohru, the ass-kicking Mary Sue who has collected quite a few very serious injuries, snuck out of the room she was being held in with the help of a wheeled table, a white tablecloth, and a big blonde beefcake named Michael who (of course) has fallen instantly in love with her. While the audience waited out in the hall with Blondie, Tohru snuck into first the massively oversized kitchens and then the “brain vault” of her captor, Chris/tian the Asshat. It’s never explained what she did in these two areas other than beating up Chris/tian the Asshat’s secretary/whore and stealing her shoes, but whatever it was it caused the house to explode in a great Earth-shattering KABOOM! that was heard several hundred miles away at the Sohma residence. And, of course, shortly before things got all ‘splody, Tohru threw the completely healthy and uninjured Michael down on the ground and then shielded his much larger body with her own battered carcass. Because … reasons, I guess.
Welcome once more, dearest Patrons! Today is a very special day – it’s the end of the fic!
:wipes away tear:
I do so enjoy these days.
The last chapter continued the grand tradition of being almost completely pointless; Tohru convinced her ardent admirer Michael to help her, got the basics of Chris/tian the Asshat’s daily schedule from him as well as a bit of his own back story, formulated a cunning plan (which has yet to be revealed) to destroy the evidence, only to be thwarted by her inability to just walk down the hallway to the room. Instead of coming up with a variation of the “guard escorting prisoner” gambit, which would have been really easy to do since she’s a real prisoner who has a real guard helping her, she waited for the Sue Force to deliver the most contrived means of travel possible – a wheeled table covered in a plain white tablecloth.
Happy Friday, most beloved Patrons! Can you think of a better way to kick off the weekend than another chapter of FB delight?
I can, too – but eBay has this “thing” about selling large quantities of unstable isotopes so I don’t have anything better to do right now. So it goes.
Ave Patres, and a merry Ides of March to you!
I’m back with another exciting installment of my FB fic to delight and amaze you. According to my notes, the last chapter was a dull as a dime-store diamond; Shigure visited Hatori to tell him that Tohru had left and to “explain things” even though Shigure was never really told why Tohru was visiting Chris/tian the Asshat, and then we skipped over to Tohru. She finally arrived … wherever, had dinner in a diner, was abducted by two goons (one a hot blonde Frenchman who is instantly infected with Sueitis and the other a brunette brick I like to call Grump Bucket) and taken to Chris/tian the Asshat’s massive estate, which resembles a haunted house.
Welcome once more, eager Patrons! I have yet another chapter of FB goodness in the pipe, but before we venture into the great unknown that is Chapter 13: And so it Begins … let’s go over what happened last time.
:flips through notes:
Once again, I have to say “Not much.” Kyo and Yuki found out Shigure and Tohru were missing and freaked out, Shigure came back home within minutes of this discovery with an absurd story to explain Tohru’s absence, and Tohru assaulted a man on the train with the fictilicous (it’s a word now) Vulcan death grip. For being the longest chapter yet, there sure wasn’t a lot happening.
Hello, my splendid Patrons! I’m here once again with another chapter of my FB fic, this one titled Search and Ride. There’s yet another chatty Author’s Note in the beginning that doesn’t add anything to the fic, so I’m just going to skip over it; in fact, there are several portions of this chapter that I’m going to summarize to keep this riff at a managable length as it has the dubious distinction of being the longest so far. It’s actually more like two short chapters squashed together.
Not a whole lot happened in the last slice of failure pie; Shigure took Tohru to the train station, cried like a little girl, and then returned home.
Now that we’re all caught up, on to the chapter!
Salutations, exquisite Patrons!
Once more I am back with a chapter of my FB fic – only five more to go. In the previous chapter, as is often the case, not a whole lot happens that is worth mentioning. Tohru recieved a phone call from some non-canon asshat named Christian who claims to have some sort of proof regarding the Sohma curse. Instead of using this information to extort money or favors out of an influential family, he’s demanding that Tohru (a homeless orphan) marry him. She agrees to meet him and Shigure drives her … somewhere.