2570: To Last A Thousand Years — Chapter 1 Part 2

-WARNING-
The author begins to put his political views on fairly public display in this chapter, and they are… pretty much exactly what you’d expect from a guy who writes alternate-history HFY fanfiction featuring weirdly defanged Nazis.

Also, weirdly defanged Nazis are still Nazis, and are still in this ‘fic.

Title: To Last A Thousand Years
Author: TallYapflip
Media: Video Game
Topic: Mass Effect
Genre: Sci-Fi/Adventure
URL: Chapter 1
Critiqued by AdmiralSakai

Hello hello all you patrons, and welcome back to To Last A Thousand Years.

Last time, we had a boringly mostly adequate section where some U-Boat captain found a wrecked Council ship in Antarctica, then for some reason this influx of new technology and weapons made Hitler want to reopen peace talks with the British because that‘s totally how Nazis would think.

Actually, “because that’s totally how Nazis would think” is shaping up to be a countable offense in this ‘fic, because these seem to be Nazis with every hint of racism or other undesirable qualities neatly and authorially excised.

This all brings us to the second half of Chapter 1, where the ‘fic becomes less of an implausible alternate-historical ‘fic and more of a regular old HFY ‘fic with, what else, a massive timeline featuring implausible events we mostly couldn’t care less about!

XXXXX

Y, Y, why would you think it was a good idea to write this?

May 21, 1941: Following the near-crippling of the KMS Bismarck at the hands of a British torpedo bomber, the news of the Battleship’s damaged state makes its way to Berlin. The KMS Prinz-Eugen and Bismarck successfully defend against a counterattack by the Royal Navy, returning to ports just outside Konigsberg to undergo repairs. The news of the HMS Hood being sunk at the hands of the Bismarck very nearly cripples the morale of the British people. German morale has never been higher. November 12, 1941: Fleet Admiral Gunther von Bayern takes command of the KMS Tirpitz, as well as the Kriegsmarine Baltic Fleet. The fleet’s orders are to prevent a possible breakout by the Soviet Baltic Fleet.

Well that’s another historic embarrassment for the Nazis randomly transmuted into a success despite the fact that the discovered Council ship could not have actually changed their tactics or technology yet. It also makes it sound like the Bismarck was damaged by bombers and then sunk the Hood, when in fact it was the other way around.

And there’s a random other timeline entry smushed into it for no reason.

December 4, 1941: Rudolf Hess makes a second flight to Great Britain. In an unexpected turn of events, Winston Churchill gives into the German request for peace talks in the wake of crumbling morale as the London Blitz has rendered the Royal Air Force heavily damaged, and British morale utterly crushed. As Hess lands in London, he immediately enters into talks with Churchill.

As you have probably guessed, that is the opposite of what actually happened. Not only did the Blitz in fact not succeed in doing much other than getting the British immensely (but reservedly) pissed off, but Hitler also freaked the fuck out when Rudolf Hess made his first flight to England and ordered his arrest should he ever make it back, so the idea of his being allowed to do so again is more than a little far-fetched.

December 7, 1941: The Japanese Attack on Pearl Harbor occurs, sinking or damaging much of the U.S. Pacific Fleet. The United States reels from the surprise, un-provoked attack. Due to the Japanese going directly against the advice of the rest of the Axis powers, the Empire of Japan is officially removed from the Axis, and condemned by Germany. Two days later, the United States declares war against Japan. Germany offers military support to the United States in the form of the massively powerful Kriegsmarine. The offer, made through discrete channels, is respectfully denied by FDR.

December 25, 1941: After weeks of debate between Germany and Great Britain, an armistice has been signed. No land exchanges would occur, Axis forces would discontinue their hostilities against Great Britain, and the blockade of Germany would end. The signing is immortalized in newspapers around the world, with Adolf Hitler and Winston Churchill shaking hands, cementing the Treaty of London. This would come to be known as the Christmas Treaty. Germany shifts its focus East, increasing military production and quietly moving more and more Wehrmacht assets East.

Research into the artifacts discovered in Antarctica continues, with breakthroughs in computational technology, ballistics, rocketry, electronics, and physics made almost weekly.

January 6, 1942: Operation Barbarossa begins with 3.9 million Axis soldiers, 6,000 Axis tanks, 4,000 aircraft, and 5,000 artillery guns. Deployed alongside the German infantry is the new Tiger pattern tank, sporting their heavy 88mm main cannons and thick armor. Soviet forces are horridly outclassed by the heavier German guns, more advanced German war machines, and the superior Bf-109 G. Alongside the MP-40 is the new German rifle, the Sturmgewehr 42. The advanced, lightweight, and powerful assault rifle fires 8mm Mauser rounds at 670 rounds per minute. The rifle becomes almost as widespread as the MP-40, and it is absolutely superior to Russian small arms. It is not uncommon to see German SS and Heer soldiers wearing body armor comprised of lightweight alloys. The new German weaponry and equipment outclasses everything the Russians can throw at the Axis forces. The German blitz seems unstoppable. Western Soviet villages cheer on the Germans as they march East.

June 16, 1942: German forces march into Moscow following intense bombardment. The city’s outer districts are almost completely flattened, with Tiger E tanks, PorscheTigers, and Panther tanks rolling through the T-34s that stand in their way. German forces besiege the Red Square for days, having crushed almost all resistance in the city. After a few days of siege, Waffen-SS soldiers storm the Kremlin, killing any Russians that stand in their way. After twenty minutes of fighting, everything in the Red Square falls into silence. A few minutes later, Josef Stalin is led out of the Kremlin at gunpoint, bloodied and beaten. The next day, he is executed on the rubble of the Kremlin.

Germany declares a complete victory over the Soviet Union as the last of the Soviet forces are hunted down by Waffen-SS forces. Unconfirmed reports of a “blindingly quick and nimble fighter aircraft” begin radiating out of occupied Stalingrad. Germany remains quiet on the rumors.

Yeah, that…. all that kinda figures. The author loves Nazis, but he loves ‘Murca more and refuses to allow it to get caught up in the hurricane of curb-stomping he’s created; nor does his admiration for all things fascist extend to the Japanese, probably because he thinks the Pearl Harbor raid was somehow worse than all of the other shit the Axis did because it was a surprise attack and/or because it happened to the aforementioned ‘Murca.

The Soviets, though, get ultra-triple-super-DUPER curbstomped because the author remains stuck in an early Cold War mentality he is, in all probability, far too young to have ever experienced first-hand.

How UTTERLY unexpected.

September 15, 1942: The final Soviet Resistance is utterly crushed by the Wehrmacht, allowing Germany to annex all of the former Soviet territories. The Germans are widely considered liberators in Western Soviet States, with those in the East fearing their might too much to rebel openly.

I mean, what actually happened in the Western Soviet States was that the Nazis basically just tried to kill everyone, but these are kinder, gentler Nazis (“Funzis”??) so who even knows any more.

Germany deploys the Me-163 Rocket-Powered Interceptor.

Which I’d just like to mention is a real plane that was very fast and not especially effective, so we’re still not seeing anything remotely Mass-Effecty in this purported “Wolfenstein meets Mass Effect” ‘fic. Or for that matter much of any home-grown Nazi superscience either.

The Haavara Agreement is officially signed between Germany and Mandate Palestine, effectively creating a formal state of Israel. The fledgling country is declared as a protectorate of the Reich, and a mass exodus of ethnic and practicing Jews from Europe, the Middle East, and the Americas occurs.

You know what’s really sad is that I’m not even surprised to see shit like this included any more. If the author said that in his version of Nazi Germany, Auschwitz was actually going to be a family water park, I would have no choice but to believe him.

Hmm, let’s see here, so we’ve got this bit of weirdness, Hitler forgiving Rudolf Hess’s moronic attempts to make peace with Britain, Operation Barbarossa being turned into one big block party, and the complete absence of any sort of racial thinking or policies from the high-ranking Nazis throughout the ‘fic, so…

Friendly Neighborhood Nazis Counter: 4

The bit about the Nazis breaking off their alliance with Japan doesn’t get counted because they’re still being opportunistic sleazebags trying to underhandedly expand their geopolitical influence, they’re just doing it at the expense of someone different from real history.

Also I’m not actually sure if Nazi Germany could do this, since the Palestinian Mandate was originally under British control and the “Christmas Truce” didn’t exchange any British territory.

Germany signs a non-aggression pact with the United States. The German Embassy re-opens in the United States, officially opening up formal diplomatic channels once again. Many ethnic Germans emigrate from the United States to Germany.

The British Silver Legion, a Fascist party in Parliament, begins gaining massive popularity among the British populace.

I couldn’t find any information on these guys, although there was an American Silver Legion which supported other Stateside fascist groups, attempted to elect its leader President in 1936 as part of something called the “Christian Party” (gaining a whopping one thousand, six hundred votes across the entire country), and effectively ceased to exist in 1941 after a police raid on its “world headquarters”, a compound in the California hills.

I am not at all surprised that TallYapflip sees them as an example to live by.

German atomic research begins.

In an odd reversal, this is actually much later than the actual start of the Nazi nuclear weapons program. I am beginning to suspect that, for all of his obvious obsession with the Nazis’ hardware and vehicles and iconography, the author really does not actually know that much about them.

December 15, 1942: Germany declares their full support for the American war against Japan.

Because, for a ‘fic that is supposed to be about Nazis, there really is an incredible amount of ‘Murca in it.

The Kriegsmarine begins sailing from their shared ports in Italian Somaliland,

Oh, right, the Italians were in this.

moving towards Eastern Asia. Germany no longer recognizes the legitimacy of the Japanese Empire as a state. The gesture is a surprising, and bold move by German diplomats.

That’s odd, typically just declaring war on somebody doesn’t require doing that; the only reason why someone would was if they were planning to permanently annex or destroy the territory in question.

Oh. Right. Nazis.

Among the vessels sailing East is the KMS Tirpitz, Prinz-Eugen, Bismarck, and Scharnhorst. The German Fleet is over 100 vessels strong, with an unconfirmed number of U-Boats.

The German Tiger-II is officially deployed into the Wehrmacht to replace the Tiger E and PorscheTiger. It was designed in a joint venture between Porsche and Henschel. The Panther-II is deployed to replace all Panzer IVs, Panzer IIIs, and Panther Ds, Fs, and Gs in the Wehrmacht. Night-Vision Optics make their debut in the Wehrmacht.

Blah blah more lists of real but not-actually-as-successful Nazi weapons systems. I do have to wonder if the “PorscheTiger” is just a regular Porsche Tiger tank with the middle section taken out of it and the front and back welded together, and why it now took the Wehrmacht until late 1942 to introduce early night vision technology when they originally did so in the 1930s. Maybe he means they were more successful with it, I dunno.

German industry, having access to Siberian and Balkan raw materials, booms.

Normally I’d say that by “Siberian and Balkan raw materials” they meant “Siberian and Balkan slave labor”, but then again these are Friendly Neighborhood Nazis so probably not.

December 20, 1942: Germany declares an official state of war against the Empire of Japan, stating their desire to assist the Americans in their reprisal against an unwarranted attack against a neutral nation. The Wehrmacht is mobilized from their staging grounds in Siberia, and begins marching into Manchuria.

Wait, didn’t they do that already?

Or does the author think that Pearl Harbor was so horrible Japan needed to have war declared upon it twice?

The Me-262 and Ho-229s enter service with the Luftwaffe, and are to replace the Bf-109 and Bf-110, respectively. Due to them being rushed into service to combat Japan, they experience some issues with reliability.

The next-generation of Battleship, the H-42 Super-Battleship, begins construction in Konigsberg Shipyards.

Blah blah suddenly-successful concept weapons blah.

Berlin is officially renamed to Welthauptstadt Germania,

Jesus Christ in a Sturmgeschultz that sounds dumb. So there’s a better-than-average chance the IRL Nazis actually intended to do it at some point.

and begins massive renovations.

February 9, 1943: German forces have marched into much of Japanese-occupied China, with occupied Korea already liberated by the German forces. The Kriegsmarine Pacific Fleet has linked up with the American Pacific Fleet, and begins assisting in island-hopping operations. The battle of Midway is a crushing American victory even before the Kriegsmarine has arrived, and the small, weakened American garrisons in the Philippines are saved by the Kriegsmarine Pacific Fleet.

The British Silver Legion controls a near-absolute majority in the British Parliament, causing some alarm in the Churchill leadership. Germany officially enters into talks with Great Britain to regain its former colonial territories in East Africa, West Africa, and Oceania. The V-2 Rocket makes its first successful test launch.

April 12, 1943: German Forces liberate Beijing, with major Japanese resistance confined to South China and the Pacific Islands. The new German Super-Heavy Tank, the Panzerkampfwagen VIII “Maus” enters into combat alongside the rest of the Wehrmacht forces, sporting a main gun that outclasses anything else in the world. There is a rumor of an “Experimental, highly-advanced design” being built in Ukraine. It is known to the public as “Project Constantinople”.

The Battle at Iwo Jima takes place, with the German Marinesoldaten and U.S. Marines launching a joint invasion of the island. After three days of intense fighting, American and German troops raise their flags over Iwo Jima. The famous moment is immortalized in print as photos of German and American Marines raising their flags next to one another quickly circulates throughout media worldwide. German-American relations continue growing more stable.

The Horten sees its first flight in the island-hopping campaign against the Japanese forces, proving the concept of intercontinental bombing to be a realistic one. The Africa-launched aircraft successfully completes a bombing run against Japanese-occupied Taiwan. It proves impossible to intercept when faced with all propeller aircraft. The Me-262 barely manages to intercept the aircraft during trial runs. It proves invisible to all forms of devised radar until 60 miles out from target. The first German Atomic Bomb nears completion.

The first computer for military use is completed in Berlin. It begins work to encode military communications. The Enigma proves to be uncrackable after this new development.

July 4, 1943: Japan officially surrenders completely and unconditionally to German and American forces, signing the armistice on the deck of the KMS Bismarck as all of her 20-inch guns are pointed towards the Tokyo Bay. The surrender came after the first atomic bomb, named “Erika” was dropped on Kyoto. The bomb was a 25 kiloton warhead dropped by the Horten bomber named “Franz Ferdinand“. The dropping of the bomb stuns the world, and solidifies the German technological superiority over the rest of the planet.

German and American forces begin a co-occupation of all of Japan and much of the Pacific.

The former German colonies in China are re-integrated into the Reich, along with German New Guinea and the German Africa Territories.

Vichy France officially joins the Reich as a state.

The first German “Super-Carrier” enters service with the Kriegsmarine. Dubbed the “Graf-Zeppelin II Class”, and stretching to an impressive 299.5 meters in length, with a top speed of 35 knots. It undergoes tests to launch Me-262s from its flight deck using high-tension deck catapults.

Wow.

I mean, I knew this ‘fic was going to devolve into blatant military jerking-off sooner or later, but I wasn’t expecting it to happen before even leaving Earth’s atmosphere.

December 12, 1943: The H-44 Battleship, KMS Erich Raeder, enters service. It is the largest, and most powerful battleship ever devised. It is the first vessel ever created to have vertical launch tubes, capable of carrying 24 V-3 Rockets. Its impressive armament of 20-inch guns, 16-inch guns, 105mm flak batteries, 37mm flak batteries, and 53.3cm torpedo launchers makes it one of the most heavily-armed surface vessels ever built. An additional 12 hulls are laid down.

The Zeppelin Company completes the Graf-Zeppelin III, a new passenger Zeppelin. The first flight between Berlin and New York begins, in honor of the destroyed Hindenburg. It is widely regarded as “the most luxurious way to travel.” A famous German author’s quote over the Zeppelin soon circulates throughout media. “If you wish to arrive first, take an airplane. If you wish to arrive last, take a ship. But if you want to arrive in style, take an airship.”

Umm…

Ohhh…. kay?

At least it’s not yet another Wunderwaffe.

Debate between American and German leaders over the new leadership of Japan continues. Germany wishes to re-instate a shogunate, while the U.S. wishes to instate a democratic republic. After weeks and weeks of debate, it is left up to referendum. Overwhelmingly, with a 85 to 15 margin, the American Plan prevails. The Germans respect the wishes of the Japanese people, and begin hosting elections with the American forces. Following the first democratic election in Japan, Shigeru Yoshido is elected Prime Minister.

Because ‘Murca, I guess.

That last part makes it sound like the occupying American troops all got to vote.

Actually, I’m surprised that’s not something ‘Murca hasn’t actually tried.

China is restored as a sovereign state by occupying German forces, and is declared to be a protectorate of the Reich until it is stabilized once again. The Chinese Communist Revolutionary forces are declared enemies of the Reich, and are hunted to the last. Mao Zedong is executed before the Forbidden Palace by SS Firing Squad. The Waffen-SS begins covertly hunting down communist sympathizers.

December 13, 1943: The Second World War draws to a close as the occupation of Japan ends. Germans and Americans maintain permanent bases in Japan and much of the Pacific. There is no clear ideological victor.

Other than the author, obviously.

Communism has effectively been eradicated, and German-Allied relations have been steadily improving.

August 16, 1944: The British Silver Legion secures complete power over the Parliament of Great Britain, calling a vote of no-confidence against Winston Churchill. Churchill is removed from power, and is replaced by William Southerton, leader of the Silver Legion Party. German-British relations improve drastically.

As near as I can tell, this person did not in fact exist. So he’s probably one of the author’s relatives or friends.

The American economy has completely recovered from the effects of the Great Depression, and has entered a period of economic explosion. Spending power that has never been seen before begins radiating throughout the country, and many have attributed the economic success to improved trade relations between Germany and the United States.

And apparently Rsosevelt and the New Deal didn’t do jack diddly.

Which, given the author’s obsessive hatred of all things even remotely Communist, really doesn’t surprise me at all.

German research into the Antarctica Object intensifies, with breakthroughs in ballistics technology leading to the first working autoloader mechanism for tanks and warships.

That seems like an odd thing to discover by studying mass-effect weapons technology, since that has a very different system for loading and propelling projectiles.

April 12, 1945: U.S. President Franklin D. Roosevelt dies, and is replaced by Harry S. Truman.

June 12, 1947: The United Kingdom holds a referendum to join the German Reich. Narrowly, Britain votes to remain independent with a 51-49 margin. Another referendum is planned in 1950. Nuclear reactors begin powering the civilian sector in mainland Germany, with plans to spread to the overseas territories by 1951.

May 17, 1950: Following a second referendum in Great Britain, the UK officially joins the Greater German Reich as a semi-autonomous region. William Southerton remains the Prime Minister of the British territories, but answers to Hitler and the Reichstag on many matters.

Germany extends an offer for America to join the Axis powers, an offer which is respectfully declined.

This consolidationary approach where other random allied countries are being straight-up absorbed really doesn’t seem to jive with the segregationist, nationalist fascist ideology. The real Nazis didn’t do that with Japan and Italy, after all, even though Italy would arguably be better off at least militarily if they had.

The first true Main Battle Tank, the German Leopard-I, enters service. Originally designed to serve as an all-purpose tank, it quickly begins to occupy the role filled by light and medium tanks, effectively merging the two classes of tank. The sound barrier is broken by a German interceptor aircraft.

January 17, 1953: Former General George S. Patton takes the office of President of the United States. Relations between Germany and the U.S. improve dramatically, with the U.S. being permitted to hold several bases throughout German African and Pacific territories. In exchange, Germany is permitted to house a naval base in Hawaii, and several bases in Alaska, Guam, and Puerto Rico. The American Nazi Party, under the new leadership of George Lincoln Rockwell, becomes a large political force in the American Southwest and East Coast. Their ticket for President, being Rockwell, secures 12 percent of the U.S. popular vote, with a voter turnout of 67 percent.

Apparently this is a real person; the actual leader of the American Nazi Party from 1959 to his assassination in an internal Party power struggle in 1967. In addition to denying the Holocaust and supporting the deportation of all blacks back to Africa, he also founded a record label which released songs by “Odis Cochran and the Three Bigots”, and owned what he called “THE HATE BUS” which was later repossessed because he couldn’t pay a loan taken out against it.

I wish I could make up shit like this, but these people parody themselves far more effectively than I ever could.

June 19, 1954: The first artificial satellite is put in orbit by the German Luftwaffe. The satellite, being a communications satellite, is put into low-orbit by a V-9 Rocket, modified to use solid fuel and multiple stages. Germany’s next major goal is to put a man into orbit, and it is planned to happen by 1957.

The U.S.-run NASA begins working with the German Luftwaffe to design rockets for orbital launches. The first dedicated attack helicopter enters service with the Wehrmacht, dubbed the He-12 “Sparrow”. It carries an armament of semi-guided missiles, a heavy 20mm autocannon, and has proven massively effective against tanks.

May 30, 1957: The first man in orbit, a former German tank commander during Operation Barbarossa known as Otto Carius, safely returns from his orbit around the planet.

Ok, this is also an actually real person, although I’m not sure what is supposed to have compelled him to take up a career in astronautics here when the real one left the military and opened a drugstore after the War was over.

Given the behavior of the other less-well-known historical figures the author apparently idolizes, I’d’ve guessed he’d have dedicated his life to eliminating Soviet influence from pancake recipes and died in an autoerotic crucifixion accident or something, but no, he actually seems to have been pretty normal.

Go figure.

Also, is any of this going to have anything to do with Mass Effect? Actually, for that matter, is any of this ever going to be relevant in any way to anything at all?

Because right now it kind of seems to just be applying a thin coating of Nazism to a slightly-accelerated version of real historical events in the most boring way imaginable.

He completed sixteen complete revolutions around the planet, and landed safely in the Pacific Ocean in his Eagle-3 Capsule. He is celebrated as a national hero of Germany. The U.S. Presidential election ensures that Patton remains president until 1961, with Rockwell securing 18 percent of the popular vote, outperforming the democratic party candidate.

January 19, 1961: John F. Kennedy, in a national surprise, takes the office of U.S. President. Due to his campaign being the first televised one, and his unmistakable charisma, he secures the election in a landslide. Rockwell polls in at 19 percent of the popular vote. Due to Kennedy’s election, German-American cooperation on space-going matters increases. NASA begins working with the German Luftwaffe to put a man on the moon. The Arminius Program begins.

June 12, 1965: Arminius-4, a manned mission to Earth’s moon, succeeds with flying colors. Otto Carius, the first man in space, becomes the first man to walk the surface of the moon, followed closely by Neil Armstrong of America’s NASA. The flags of Germany and the United States are pitched at the landing zone, with photographs of the two astronauts saluting their flags circulating throughout the media like wildfire.

It’s bits like this that make me inclined to see this ‘fic less as a Nazis-fuck-yeah alternate-history and more as just a regular ‘Murca-fuck-yeah alternate-history where Nazis just kind of drop in to visit sometimes like Captain Marvel in Endgame.

The human fascination with outer space becomes nearly universal, with Germany declaring “an unprecedented era of scientific achievement and worldwide brotherhood” to be dawning on the human species.

Yeah, “worldwide brotherhood for the human species”. That’s definitely what the Nazis were all about.

Friendly Neighborhood Nazis Counter: 5

Adolf Hitler dies of age at 76, and is replaced by former Admiral Karl Donitz as Führer as per Hitler’s last will and testament. A few months after the placement of Donitz at the head of the German State, the Reichstag and the Bundesrat approve the motion to bring back the political position of Kaiser. Louis Ferdinand of House Hohenzollern is officially declared Kaiser of the Greater German Reich. As per his request, Kaiser Wilhelm II’s remains are brought from Doorn to Konigsberg for burial in the German Fatherland. Germany, mostly in name, is restored as a democratic monarchy. The Kaiser is merely a figurehead, much like the Monarch of the British Autonomous Region.

Friendly Neighborhood Nazis Counter: 6

January 20, 1969: President John F. Kennedy is replaced by George Lincoln Rockwell of the American Nazi Party. Rockwell wins by landslide, citing his desire to increase relations with the German Reich and continue Kennedy’s legacy of space exploration.

Was this before or after he claimed “Jews” had gotten him thrown out of the US Navy?

He wins 46 out of 50 states, crushing Lyndon Johnson.

Given that these are Nazis, possibly literally.

Also, wait, no Kennedy assassination? Weird.

America accepts an offer to join the Axis Powers under George Lincoln Rockwell.

Who, for some reason, will always be referred to by his first, middle, and last names.

Germany and America begin work to establish a permanent scientific research station in Earth orbit. The project is codenamed “Jupiter-1”.

Communistic revolutionaries initiate a coup against the Vietnamese government. Germany and America both deploy forces to assist the democratic Vietnamese government.

The German Leopard-2 MBT enters service, along with the “Tiger” Attack Helicopter. The Me-202 becomes the staple German air-superiority fighter, and the Me-20 becomes the staple bomber interceptor.

The first experimental railgun enters laboratory testing in the BMW headquarters in Germany. Derived from the Object’s technology, the Railgun Mk. I requires an immense amount of power, making it difficult to shrink down. The Kriegsmarine expresses their desire to mount it on battleships.

June 19, 1972: Germany and America proclaim a complete victory over communistic forces in Vietnam, restoring the Vietnamese republic.

Wait, wasn’t communism supposed to already have been eradicated years before? Or is it like with Japan, where they were so angry they had to exterminate the communists twice?

Also, more OP railguns. Which I bet were inspired by the one in Transformers 2.

The Vietnam War sees the first widespread deployment of women into combat with the German Wehrmacht.

I find that hard to believe from the Kinder Kuche Kirche Krowd, but, then again, Friendly Neighborhood Nazis.

Friendly Neighborhood Nazis Counter:7

October 2, 1979: The Axis Space Station is officially completed.

WOW
WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOW

All aboard the Fuhrer’s giant metal A.S.S.!

It can house a population of 12 scientists, features complete atmospheric control, water recycling, and requires bi-annual resupply missions to be launched.

January 20, 1981: Ronald Reagan breaks the decade-long hold on the U.S. by the American Nazi Party. His economic policies prove attractive to the American People,

Who are capitalized for No Reason.

narrowly winning him the election over ANP Candidate William Burke.

Oddly this one doesn’t seem to be real; a William Burke served as chairman of the Massachusetts Democratic Party, but he died in 1975.

It keeps going after this, but we’ve effectively reached the end of the “historical” stuff and will start on the more “speculative” stuff next week.

 


27 Comments on “2570: To Last A Thousand Years — Chapter 1 Part 2”

  1. crazyminh says:

    …I just realised:

    …next week: All ME guns are made by human companies. Even though most weapons are of alien manufacture.

    This is the shit this story makes us deal with via the power of mockery and ryncol.

  2. crazyminh says:

    December 12, 1943: The H-44 Battleship, KMS Erich Raeder, enters service. It is the largest, and most powerful battleship ever devised. It is the first vessel ever created to have vertical launch tubes, capable of carrying 24 V-3 Rockets. Its impressive armament of 20-inch guns, 16-inch guns, 105mm flak batteries, 37mm flak batteries, and 53.3cm torpedo launchers makes it one of the most heavily-armed surface vessels ever built. An additional 12 hulls are laid down.

    *cocks ear*

    Oh, what’s that I hear? Is it a bell going DING-DONG???

  3. crazyminh says:

    The bomb was a 25 kiloton warhead dropped by the Horten bomber named “Franz Ferdinand“.

    Fucking what??

    25 kilotons???

    For reference, the Little Boy bomb dropped on Hiroshima was only 15kT. This bomb is apparently nearly twice as powerful, and made in much less time than the real-life Manhatten project.

  4. Anne Eyewitness says:

    …Nazis just kind of drop in to visit sometimes like Captain Marvel in Endgame.

    I unironically think Captain Marvel should have been in more of Endgame, she’s my favourite character in all of the Marvel movies.

  5. Zeus Killer says:

    The author begins to put his political views on fairly public display in this chapter, and they are… pretty much exactly what you’d expect from a guy who writes alternate-history HFY fanfiction featuring weirdly defanged Nazis.

    “The Ratte Supertank was definitely possible” and other lies to comfort yourself with.

    So he’s a Wehriboo? I already disliked him, now I despise him.

    • Zeus Killer says:

      The new German Super-Heavy Tank, the Panzerkampfwagen VIII “Maus” enters into combat alongside the rest of the Wehrmacht forces, sporting a main gun that outclasses anything else in the world. There is a rumor of an “Experimental, highly-advanced design” being built in Ukraine. It is known to the public as “Project Constantinople”.

      I WAS FUCKING JOKING!

    • AdmiralSakai says:

      I like “Wehriboo”. I’m sure it will receive heavy use in later chapters.

  6. Anne Eyewitness says:

    January 20, 1981: Ronald Reagan breaks the decade-long hold on the U.S. by the American Nazi Party.

    What an absolutely grim sentence, imagine writing that and not thinking it’s absolutely horrible.

  7. Zeus Killer says:

    Actually, “because that’s totally how Nazis would think” is shaping up to be a countable offense in this ‘fic, because these seem to be Nazis with every hint of racism or other undesirable qualities neatly and authorially excised.

    It says something that, after re-reading Uplifted, I found it to be superior to this drivel BECAUSE the author took the time to research the fucked up view points of characters, and didn’t shy away from the nastier things done in the name of Hitler.

  8. Zeus Killer says:

    December 4, 1941: Rudolf Hess makes a second flight to Great Britain. In an unexpected turn of events, Winston Churchill gives into the German request for peace talks in the wake of crumbling morale as the London Blitz has rendered the Royal Air Force heavily damaged, and British morale utterly crushed. As Hess lands in London, he immediately enters into talks with Churchill.

    Churchill: *laughs in “Keep Calm” poster memes, the “never surrender” speech, and a still operational global colonial empire*

    Also, wow….this is gonna be fucking painful, isn’t it?

  9. Zeus Killer says:

    January 6, 1942: Operation Barbarossa begins with 3.9 million Axis soldiers, 6,000 Axis tanks, 4,000 aircraft, and 5,000 artillery guns. Deployed alongside the German infantry is the new Tiger pattern tank, sporting their heavy 88mm main cannons and thick armor. Soviet forces are horridly outclassed by the heavier German guns, more advanced German war machines, and the superior Bf-109 G. Alongside the MP-40 is the new German rifle, the Sturmgewehr 42. The advanced, lightweight, and powerful assault rifle fires 8mm Mauser rounds at 670 rounds per minute. The rifle becomes almost as widespread as the MP-40, and it is absolutely superior to Russian small arms. It is not uncommon to see German SS and Heer soldiers wearing body armor comprised of lightweight alloys. The new German weaponry and equipment outclasses everything the Russians can throw at the Axis forces. The German blitz seems unstoppable. Western Soviet villages cheer on the Germans as they march East.

    Operation Barbarossa (aka Operation Clusterfuck and Operation lets do the same thing the French did, but worse) started in June 1941 because operational command concluded that that was the latest they could do the campaign with current supplies, with an expected ending at September. And while yes, the element of shock and awe did contribute to early losses, we all know what happens when Stalin reconvenes his resources, and initiates the counter-offensive.

    Wonderwaffes won’t do shit on an army under the command of Stalin that’s willing to take millions in casualties.

    Also, the villagers stopped cheering once the Execution Squads showed up, preforming ethnic cleansing of Slavic People.

  10. Zeus Killer says:

    September 15, 1942: The final Soviet Resistance is utterly crushed by the Wehrmacht, allowing Germany to annex all of the former Soviet territories. The Germans are widely considered liberators in Western Soviet States, with those in the East fearing their might too much to rebel openly.

    At least, officially.

    Unofficially, partisans are proving to be shockingly effective, and as a result, distant rule over the East is initiated. But considering that the primary objective (Lebensrum) has already been seized, no one gives a shit.

  11. Zeus Killer says:

    I wish I could make up shit like this, but these people parody themselves far more effectively than I ever could.

    For example: Racial Holy War, where the white people (with no special abilities) are crusaders against literally everyone else (who have racist special abilities), and a system so unplayable that FATAL looks more attractive in comparison.

    Yes, really.

  12. Em Kay says:

    So , this isn’t so much a story as just a massive timeli-

    *mauled by Moon Spiders*

  13. BatJamags says:

    You know, the real Nazis were a lot of things, almost all of them not very nice things to be. But for all of that, I just never really thought of them as being especially boring.

    And then there’s this fic.

  14. BatJamags says:

    The H-44 Battleship, KMS Erich Raeder, enters service. It is the largest, and most powerful battleship ever devised. It is the first vessel ever created to have vertical launch tubes, capable of carrying 24 V-3 Rockets. Its impressive armament of 20-inch guns, 16-inch guns, 105mm flak batteries, 37mm flak batteries, and 53.3cm torpedo launchers makes it one of the most heavily-armed surface vessels ever built. An additional 12 hulls are laid down.

    Dude, this thing is supposed to mostly take place in space. You are devoting this much wordcount to wanking over terrestrial battleships.

  15. BatJamags says:

    Former General George S. Patton takes the office of President of the United States.

    Relations between Germany and the U.S. improve dramatically, with the U.S. being permitted to hold several bases throughout German African and Pacific territories.

  16. CunkToad says:

    “September 15, 1942: The final Soviet Resistance is utterly crushed by the Wehrmacht, allowing Germany to annex all of the former Soviet territories. The Germans are widely considered liberators in Western Soviet States, with those in the East fearing their might too much to rebel openly.”

    Until they fucking murder everyone in Generalplan Ost, of course.

    “April 12, 1943: German Forces liberate Beijing, with major Japanese resistance confined to South China and the Pacific Islands. ”

    again until they fucking murder everyone that’s not german.

    “Otto Carius”

    Okay. So by invocking this name, the guy just started a personal beef with me.

    Otto Carius was from my town, after the war went on to own a pharmacy near my hometown, went to MYschool and PERSONALLY signed MY copy of HIS book for me.

    I read that shit and from it I can tell you one thing:

    He sure as hell WOULDN’T have stayed in the nazi service after the war.

    Did he have a problem with communism that got especially bad after half his country got turned into a puppet?
    Yes. Absolutely.

    Was he a true believer in the nazi ideology that would’ve gone on to do stupid shit like getting himself shot into space?

    Nope. Ten times nope.

    Here we have one of the few german war heroes who WASN’T a fucking nazi… and this guy just takes him and makes him one….

    jesus fkn christ.

    That’s enough of this shit for today.

    Please tell me that’s the last time he does that shit to otto.

    “Bundesrat”

    So. I have several questions.
    First: How is this a thing? The nazis disbanded it in 1934. It only came into existance again AFTER the nazis lost.
    Secondly: The whole point of the Federal Council (Bundesrat) is to FEDERALIZE germany.
    Nazi germany wasn’t federalized. It was a centralized state. So does the author actually imply that Hitler would go back to democracy?
    Thirdy: Really? The NATIONAL SOCIALIST WORKING PARTY giving away power to a fucking Kaiser? As in… the absolute opposite of what the majority of their voters believe in?
    Fourthly: … so. A democratic monarchy… how does that fit into the ideology of the Third Reich? Hitler was just the misunderstood hero who brought back freedom and power or what?

    Get the fuck out of here.

    This is not a good story to read if you’re a (reasonably educated) german, is it?

    Wait. We just shot Otto to space and you say we’re just *GETTING* to the speculative stuff?

    … I want to go home now, please.
    (and please tell me he won’t use german words in english sentences again)


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.