2566: Legendary Dungeons, Futuristic Dragons – Chapter 15

Title: D&D Tag Along
Author: Tint
Media: Tabletop RPG
Topic: Dungeons & Dragons
Genre: Adventure / Fantasy
URL: Chapter 15
Critiqued by BatJamags and Kane

Hello once again, patrons! I’m your guest host, BatJamags, and I’m back with the actual final installment of D&D Tag-Along. I hope. Unless this actually is as long as the first chapter (Spoiler: It’s actually one of the shorter chapters. The author was lying).

Last time, Hockey Stu turned out to not just be a demigod, but an ACTUAL FUCKING DEITY.

Kane: No, I believe that was Ehlonna and Nerull.

Wiseass. Anyway, Hockey Stu somehow got Nerull and Vecna to stop beating each other up and went to go fight the apparent main bad guy, who we don’t know anything about other than that he’s named Kas. Let’s get rolling.

D&D Tag Along

And in the end, that still hasn’t stopped not being not the title of the fic.

Kane: That was painful.

I did my best.

Chapter 15: Death, Betrayal, Lies, War, Arrogance

, and pie. There should be pie at the end. It’s the least you can do for your readers after making them sit through all of this.

A/N: I can’t believe that I’m finally finishing this fic. I’ve had some fun with it, but I know that I went a little overboard at times. So, this chapter is going to involve even more of these strange twists! I promise that you’ll all love the ending, but you may not like what happens between now and the end. It makes perfect sense and is really believable! Well, here goes…

Kane: These threats are indeed ominous.

(-)

My forces had gathered in the forest surrounding Dondoria. Over ten thousand strong, it was a force that could easily destroy Kas and his few remaining defenders. Now, all we were waiting for was the sun to peak over the horizon and we would attack. Everyone was tense, knowing full well that this could be their final act of bravery in this world. I knew that each and every one of them would fight to the death.

And it doesn’t matter at all, since none of the puny mortals are actually capable of affecting what happens to the two gods in this fight.

“Hey, Fido. How’d you managed to get such a huge force in such a short time?” I whispered to the green centaur.

Fido: I’m a Centaur. Where do you think all the horseshit in this story is coming from?

Fido looked back at the troops that he had gathered. “A lot of us knew that we would be rebelling against the king shortly after destroying Boneheimer. It was just a matter of getting rid of the bigger threat first.”

How did you know this?

I nodded in understanding, although the gesture was probably lost in the darkened sky. Off in the distance, the sky was just beginning to lighten, signaling that it was time to attack. I unsheathed my sword, holding the weapon high up in the air for everyone to see. “Charge!” I screamed out.

Kane: I would think that attacking under cover of night would be advantageous for the besieging forces.

The forest came to life as thousands of creatures stormed out of the foliage and towards the castle. Up on the ramparts, the guards hardly had time to call out a warning before they were bombarded with a blanket of arrows. The front gate of the castle was quickly raised, but not before a few hundred of the faster runners had managed to get inside.

They didn’t notice this army before it started charging? That’s really not how battles work.

Battle cries and falling bodies could be heard from inside the castle walls. It wasn’t long before the gate fell back down and the remainder of the force stormed into the castle. As we had planned, about half of the troops started to descend into the underground tunnels, while the remainder of us ravaged through the town. Strangely enough, we met with little resistance and no civilians whatsoever.

Kane: How convenient for you.

Our goal for the attack was to head straight for the largest building in town which served as the main castle. That was where Kas was, most likely. We arrived at the base of the building, and upon seeing that there were only two guards out front, I charged forward. I managed to smash my way past the two men, wildly hacking away at them. I was inside the building, but I stopped when I didn’t hear any footsteps follow me inside.

Kas probably just killed your dudes. Being, you know, A FUCKING GOD and all, that wouldn’t be difficult for him.

I returned to the door to see what had stopped my forces and was shocked at what I saw. At first I thought that it was only a minor surprise counter-attack, but then I realized the truth. Every one of Fido’s recruited soldiers had turned against my friends and the former forces of Boneheimer. Wesley was already dead, Jillian was dying, and everyone else was trying their hardest to stay alive. I tried to rush in to help them, but there was something blocking my way. Another invisible barrier, just like the one Boneheimer had used against me.

Oh no, Wesley. I knew so much about you. Like that you were… a dude. Probably. And you maybe had some arrows sometimes.

Kane: I suspect he is only mostly dead.

Wh-

Kane, have you actually been watching movies?

Kane: I have no idea what you mean.

All I could do was watch helplessly as first Tagorus fell, followed soon by both Ashley and Joey. Sparks flew up into the air to escape the battle, but was soon quickly shot down with an arrow from Fido’s own bow. Deanna had a magic shield up, protecting herself and Rurik from the onslaught, but it was quickly fading. Boneheimer’s old troops were taking at least a hundred men with them before they too fell under the attack.

Well, that explains how Fido the Dog-Centaur pulled so many troops out of his ass.

“Fido! Why are you doing this?” Rurik demanded as the shield barely managed to hold together.

Fido: Shocking plot twist! That’s why!

The centaur leader smirked wickedly as he approached the wavering shield. His bow was taught with an arrow pointed straight at Rurik. “I want to be on the side that wins.” He explained coldly, firing the arrow the second the barrier fell.

Kane: Imbecile. Your faction was winning, and your own forces comprise merely a sixth of the total force. You could scarcely choose a less opportune moment for a backstabbing.

“Deanna!” I yelled out in vain. The remaining betrayers had launched themselves upon the helpless sorcerer. “No…” I whispered, sinking to my knees. Suddenly, I was knocked back by a massive shockwave that shattered the invisible barrier.

And where’d this barrier come from?

I managed to get back up to my feet and couldn’t believe what I saw. Deanna was standing in the middle of a huge circle of pure destruction. Not a single living thing remained around her. Deanna was breathing hard from the strain of whatever she had done. I rushed forward to her side, just arriving there in time to catch her as she collapsed. Deanna smiled up at me, her lips quivering, “So, that’s what Wish does when you wish for safety.”

*Headdesk*

Kane: That’s still not how a Wish spell functions.

“Deanna…” I began, but it was too late. Her body had become limp in my arms and her eyes became dead of all emotion. I reached over and closed her eyes, letting my tears fall onto her cheek.

And that is really not how safety works.

“About time that she died.” A familiar voice, one that I did not wish to hear again, stated. I could only hope that my hearing had played a trick on my. I raised my eyes from Deanna to look upon the familiar form that now stood at the entrance of the castle. There stood someone who I had killed once before. Boneheimer. “How? I killed you once already!” I stated in disbelief.

Oh, fucking hell. Can’t you just, like, incinerate this guy? YOU ARE A FUCKING GOD.

Kane: Again, not him. The-

Yes, yes, shut up.

Boneheimer managed a smile, flexing his newly re-grown arm. The Mindflayer/Lich had returned to his full form, not having any hint of the injuries that he had sustained by my hand. “Did you forget that I am part Lich? I can regenerate and come back from the dead as long as this remains intact.” Boneheimer held up a shiny little jewel that resembled… no! It was the jewel that I had retrieved off the Kobold King. Stupid Kobolds. I swear that I’ll kill ever single one that I ever run into.

Hey, casual genocide. At least the author almost* understands how liches work.

*There’s no such thing as a part-lich. A demilich is a weakened lich who’s reverted to a dormant state, but that’s not the same thing as what Bonehead McEvil here is. Bonehead’s a Mind Flayer who happens to be a lich. Simple as that. One’s a species, and one’s a method of achieving immortality via undeath. It’s like saying a Dwarf Wizard is part Dwarf and part Wizard.

Kane: Rather, he is entirely an idiot for selecting-

-An inferior spellcasting class, yeah.

“So you had Fido lie to us about the purpose of the jewel so that we would retrieve it for you?” I surmised, my sword and shield held ready for battle.

Kane: Ah, the gem’s status as a phylactery rather than a font of magical energy in its own right would help to explain the utter ineffectuality of those who’ve wielded it thus far.

Don’t get too excited; everybody’s an idiot in this story.

My enemy laughed at my hostility. “What makes you think that you can defeat me again? I let you win that first time, just so that this little meeting would become possible.”

Why?! WHAT IS THE FUCKING POINT?! WHY WON’T YOU JUST FUCKING KILL HIM, YOU INSUFFERABLE IDIOT?!

I let out a low growl to show my anger. What was with these evil creatures developing really complicated plots to kill of people who I cared for? “Let me guess, the king isn’t actually Kas. He’s just a regular human who didn’t like me.”

If Hockey Stu turns out to not actually be a god, I’ll be mildly impressed.

“Correct.” Another familiar unwanted voice commented from my left. I turned to face the speaker and had correctly assumed the identity of the new arrival. “Vecna…” I growled. I really felt like letting go of the final shred of sanity that remained in my mind and go postal on the two lich creatures.

Kane: Something which would be completely meaningless at this point.

“Do it, Tint! Kill! Make your father proud!” A haunting, evil voice laughed. Nerull laughed as I turned to face him as he joined the circle of evil creatures surrounding me. “Humansssss are ssssso guilable. They insssstatly believe everything sssssomeone like me ssssaysssss. There issssss no way I would fornicate with an elf.”

So all of the bullshit I’ve been wading through for the last four chapters was entirely pointless, is basically what you’re saying.

“Then, you aren’t my father?” I asked in disbelief, falling off my high horse that I had created assuming that I was of full god heritage.

Kane: Fool.

“No, you are just a regular human who happens to be a half god because a slut like Ehlonna finally popped out a kid.” Vecna insulted.

Well, that’s… something. I… think.

“Hey, all of you, just shut up! I’ve had enough of you guys. You killed my friends, you’ve been using me as a pawn, and now you’re insulting my mother! It’s time for me to kick your asses!” I yelled out as I charged forward at Boneheimer.

Kane: And you intend to accomplish this… how?

I swung wildly at the mindflayer/lich but nothing was connecting with his decrepit flesh. “Surely, you cannot expect to emerge victorious? There is no way for the son of a weak goddess to defeat two gods and a creature of such immense power as myself.” Boneheimer gloated. He was probably telling the truth, though, but his voice was changing. It might have been my imagination, but he was starting to sound like Joey.

… For some reason.

Nerull couldn’t stop laughing at my useless attempt to fight. “You are too full ofyourself.” He admonished, his voice becoming higher in pitch, resembling Ashley’s voice. What the hell was going on?

*Sigh* Probably some bullshit.

The world was beginning to fade away, leaving us in a completely black realm with no buildings or ground. “Maybe this was what happened before you died.” I thought as I felt something stab through my gut. “You have become too powerful for your own good.” Vecna admonished, his own voice turning into Wesley’s.

Wait a minute…

Suddenly, I understood everything. The blackness faded away and I found myself sitting at a table. Across the table were Joey, Ashley, and Wesley, each with a character sheet in front of them. Spread out across the table was an assortment of dice and books. It was all just a game.

Oh, for the love of fuck.

“Look, Tint. We’re quitting. You’re a horrible DM. You put your own character into the game, made him so powerful that even gods couldn’t touch him.” Wesley stated in disgust, pushing the character sheet labeled Vecna toward me. Joe and Ashley quickly agreed, handing over Boneheimer and Nerull respectively.

OK, some fair points:

First: Hockey Stu would make a shit DM.

Second: This is better than having it be all just a dream, I… guess.

That said, you’ve just undermined your entire story. Like, all of that nonsense was absolutely, totally, supremely pointless.

“Come on guys, I did what I had to do to make the game interesting for you! You didn’t like playing as Jillian, Rurik, and Tagorus, so I added in your own characters for you to play. When they got killed, I gave you control of these three evil guys. Tint was only super strong so that you could actually beat everything along the way.” I explained, but it was too late. My friends had gotten up from their seats and were walking out of the library where we had gathered to play our game.

Wow, you are truly a special kind of stupid.

I grumbled slightly as I collected up my books and dice. “Stupid, non-believers of the fantasy world. I’m never playing Dungeons and Dragons with someone who doesn’t understand the game, again.” I promised.

This is coming from the guy who let his players take over a bunch of evil deities to facilitate his own self-insert.

“Uhm, excuse me.” A soft, delicate voice interrupted my complaints. I turned to snap at the newcomer, but found myself speechless. It was Deanna, the same beauty who I had placed into the game and based the character on. Basically, the situation in the story was pretty similar to the one in real life, except her father didn’t own the game store and that she was one of the popular people and I wasn’t. Now, she was here, talking to me, in a public place no less.

Well, good to know that Real!Tint is as much of a creepy jackass as the Hockey Stu in the game.

“Can… Can I help you with something?” I stuttered. Curse the natural reflexes of a geek when introduced to a hot chic.

*Snerk*

Deanna smiled innocently as she approached the table. Her eyes passed over the D&D books before me, intrigued by the unknown realms that could await her. She picked up a twenty-sided die and examined it. Natural instincts of a non-player; they weren’t aware that dice came with different numbers of sides. Deanna gently rolled the die along the table, watching as the tiny green object stop on twenty. “I’ve always been interested in learning how to play this game. Do you think that you can teach me?”

NO! STAY AWAY! THIS WILL ONLY LEAD TO BAD THINGS!

So much for my promise. I pulled out the chair next to me, offering her to sit down. Within seconds, I had a blank character sheet out and the player handbook open. Deanna took a seat as I began to explain the game, “It’s simple, really. There are the players, who control the characters, and the DM, who controls the monsters and thinks up of the story. Since, I don’t have a group, it might be a while before we actually start playing, but…”

GET OUT OF THERE!

Deanna cut me off, “Don’t worry about other people. I have some friends who want to play also.”

Oh, geez. That won’t end well.

To make a long story short, I am now the proud DM of a group of four girls, including Deanna. I’m going to need to make this world contain a lot more females, because they keep seducing every male shopkeeper, guard, or barkeep they run across. It’s working, though. We meet weekly in the library, where they can keep it a secret from the rest of the school. But in the hallways, they always refer to me as “Master”. Most of the other people think that it’s an insult, but I know better. Judging from the flirtation that’s going on between Deanna and myself, we might not be far off from where our characters ended off.

Seriously, though. What the hell?! The fucking fuck?!

(-)

A/N: I’m done! I know that some of you are going to complain that the ending was expected, but how else do you end a story like this? All characters in this story are only partially based on real life people, or are complete works of fiction based on the D&D world. Any ideas that appeared in this story that you wish to use, go right ahead. I’m just happy to provide everyone with some entertainment. Bye now!

*Rubs temples*

Give me some time to process all of the horseshit I just swallowed.

*Fifteen or so minutes later*

OK, I grew up learning to analyze stories based on Aristotle’s six dramatic elements, so I think I’ll break down all the reasons this thing sucks based on that.

THEME

The message of this story is “If you’re a creepy, incompetent moron and alienate all your friends, you’ll still get away with it and get the girl in the end.”

That was almost subverted by the ending (where Tint is shown to be a truly shitty DM who built a campaign around his Gary Stu DMPC and couldn’t acknowledge when it was falling apart), but then the author went and gave the idiot an obnoxious, wish fulfillment-laden ending.

PLOT

The plot meanders around through about a hundred different disjointed threads without ever tying the whole thing together. It is utterly moronic, and is rendered perfectly pointless by the ending. There is no structure or arc to it, and any that there could’ve been was defused by bizarre pacing and the lack of anything resembling a proper resolution.

CHARACTER

Tint is the fundamental problem with this story, far more so than anything else. He’s a total stud who’s a kickass martial artist and athlete. He is drawn into D&D world through the sheer force of his boner for a woman he’s never met. He proceeds to bumble his way through most of the fic, walking dimly into incredibly obvious traps and surviving only by the grace of similarly incompetent villains. All the while, he acts like a creepy dick to Deanna and can’t take a goddamned hint. We are supposed to find him sympathetic and likable, by the way. Then, in some misguided attempt to justify his existence, the author makes him not just a demigod, but an ACTUAL FUCKING DEITY. This comes with a corresponding increase in dickishness. Just at the apex of this character’s intolerable wankery, the author almost pulls the rug out from under us. Almost has a little “gotcha” moment where the obnoxious power fantasy appears to be a deliberate, in-universe construct. But then the wish fulfillment kicks back in, and despite his creepy attitude towards someone who turns out to be a “real” person, the character just gets everything he wanted, as though his players really were being unreasonable in calling him on his bullshit.

This is not made any better by the fact that, if his username is any indication, this character is a self-insert. Hell, it’s entirely possible that Deanna is a real person who this author is really creeping after. The author’s note at the end left it pretty ambiguous.

DIALOGUE

Meh, the narration and dialogue are a little stilted at times, but I’ve seen far worse, to be honest. Like, not good, but not the core problem here.

TONE

The tone is all over the board. We go from bizarre multiversal action story to quirky meta-comedy playing with D&D tropes to generic fantasy to apocalyptic dungeon punk to pretentious philosophical commentary to juvenile wish fulfillment.

Like, what the actual fuck were you hoping to accomplish, author?

PRESENTATION

The bland narration and horrible plot drain any enthusiasm for even the story’s more superficial elements.

In sum? This fic sucks ass. You’ve been a little quiet, Kane. Thoughts?

Kane: This story has fallen beneath my attention.

Cool. Anyway, I’ll be back next time to help GoodJamags riff some more of The Shadow Warriors.

*SLAM!*

And now, your out-of-context quote from the next riff:

John Batman got on his batcycl and said “its time for me to live up to my bat-family name and face full life bat-consequences” so he had to go.


42 Comments on “2566: Legendary Dungeons, Futuristic Dragons – Chapter 15”

  1. crazyminh says:

    Suddenly, I understood everything. The blackness faded away and I found myself sitting at a table. Across the table were Joey, Ashley, and Wesley, each with a character sheet in front of them. Spread out across the table was an assortment of dice and books. It was all just a game.

    *rubs eyes and puts on glasses*

    Wha…???

    *takes off glasses and puts on a slightly larger pair of glasses*

    I…I can’t seriously be seeing this…must be sleep deprivation kicking in, right?

    Did Tint actually pull this incredibly contrived, moronically concieved ass-pull of a plot twist? How in the name of fucking Avis does someone come up with something as frelling stupid as this, somehow causing the shark to jump to ludricous speed, and into plaid? How in the name of Zarquon does anyone with half a fucking neuron concieve such a horrendous twist? Well, excluding the writing team of STD, of course.

    Not only does this put “The Doctor was originally female, was the origin of regeneration, and was secretly a super-special time-lord agent all along” into a much better light (as far as asine plot twists go); it makes anyone who writes a dubious plot twist look like motherfucking Ronald D. Moore.

  2. Zeus Killer says:

    Last time, Hockey Stu turned out to not just be a demigod, but an ACTUAL FUCKING DEITY.

    How to lose all tension in less that 10 words.

    But seriously, can I nominate this for a “jumping the shark” category, considering the author thought it would be “interesting” as a plot twist?

    • Zeus Killer says:

      “No, you are just a regular human who happens to be a half god because a slut like Ehlonna finally popped out a kid.” Vecna insulted.

      At this point, you should probably just write a second draft. Stories involving god-like beings fighting mortals are rarely, if ever, interesting unless the protagonists are the mortals trying to resist a deity.

      The fact that Hockey Stu is the deity in this scenario should probably ring a few alarm bells.

      • Zeus Killer says:

        Across the table were Joey, Ashley, and Wesley, each with a character sheet in front of them. Spread out across the table was an assortment of dice and books. It was all just a game.

        …I miss the days where some random chick lusting after foxy was the latest Egyptian demigoddess…and a Neko for some contrived reason.

        I think the Nostalgia Critic’s Jumping the Shark analogy fits here.

  3. Zeus Killer says:

    To make a long story short, I am now the proud DM of a group of four girls, including Deanna.

    …riiiiighhhhht, and I’m Mickey Mouse.

    And then some idiot got a Nat 20 in a psionic check, resulting in all of them now being able to read each other’s thoughts. And vague emotional checks. I’ll call it “The 4 Queens and the tag along-trying to live with mind reading!”

    Seriously though, did he NOT read the SUE Files, or any r/rpghorrorstories involving these shenanigans? Because they’d probably either ditch him once they realized what was going on, or brought popcorn to watch the train wreck, and then Henderson the son of a bitch.

  4. Zeus Killer says:

    John Batman got on his batcycl and said “its time for me to live up to my bat-family name and face full life bat-consequences” so he had to go.

    *snicker*

    Ok, that’s infinitely more entertaining than the story here, and that’s just a Full Life CONSEQUENCES reference.

    • crazyminh says:

      Wouldn’t living up to his bat-family name require his parents to die, and would necessitate brooding on rooftops in a cape and a HEV suit?

      Sakai, you wanna do the honors?

  5. crazyminh says:

    Calling back to the last riff, what is project one year later?

  6. AdmiralSakai says:

    My forces had gathered in the forest surrounding Dondoria. Over ten thousand strong, it was a force that could easily destroy Kas and his few remaining defenders. Now, all we were waiting for was the sun to peak over the horizon and we would attack. Everyone was tense, knowing full well that this could be their final act of bravery in this world. I knew that each and every one of them would fight to the death.

    And it doesn’t matter at all, since none of the puny mortals are actually capable of affecting what happens to the two gods in this fight.

    Wait, Kas is also a god?

    • BatJamags says:

      I assumed he was some kind of omnipotent being since Vecna was mad at him, but I forget if anything actually supported that idea.

  7. AdmiralSakai says:

    Our goal for the attack was to head straight for the largest building in town which served as the main castle.

    It only served as the castle, though, and was actually a granary. The real castle was small and disused.

  8. AdmiralSakai says:

    I grumbled slightly as I collected up my books and dice. “Stupid, non-believers of the fantasy world. I’m never playing Dungeons and Dragons with someone who doesn’t understand the game, again.” I promised.

    This is coming from the guy who let his players take over a bunch of evil deities to facilitate his own self-insert.

    Don’t get me wrong. A campaign where you play as a bunch of deity-level evil forces to completely take over the world and crush the plucky adventurers who try to stop you sounds awesome… but I’m sure a GM like this tool could somehow manage to make even that unplayable.

  9. AdmiralSakai says:

    To make a long story short, I am now the proud DM of a group of four girls, including Deanna. I’m going to need to make this world contain a lot more females, because they keep seducing every male shopkeeper, guard, or barkeep they run across. It’s working, though. We meet weekly in the library, where they can keep it a secret from the rest of the school. But in the hallways, they always refer to me as “Master”. Most of the other people think that it’s an insult, but I know better. Judging from the flirtation that’s going on between Deanna and myself, we might not be far off from where our characters ended off.

    Well aren’t you just the skeeviest li’ thing ever!

  10. Elysium16 says:

    Well, that was very pointless.

    Ah well. At least it’s over.

  11. GhostCat says:

    I’m going to need to make this world contain a lot more females, because they keep seducing every male shopkeeper, guard, or barkeep they run across.

    Because a female would never flirt with another female.

    • Zeus says:

      I’d just LOVE to see what would happen if he refused their attempts to flirt with other females because “they’re the same gender.”

      Probably more interesting than the rest of this thing.

      • GhostCat says:

        You would think having the Generic Attractive Female Squad flirting with the male NPCs (who would tragically have to be roleplayed by the GM, poor boy) would be a bonus for him instead of a problem. Ah, well.

        It would be kind of funny to see what a male author thinks women flirting with each other looks like, though. It’s not like we go around rubbing our boobs together or what have you.

  12. GhostCat says:

    But in the hallways, they always refer to me as “Master”.

    :snorts:

    Yeah, okay; whatever you say, cupcake.

  13. =LOVE PHANTOM= says:

    This is the first time I can remember the ending to a fic here on the Library genuinely pissing me off. Tint dangles the possibility that maybe he’s self aware of the fact that his story is pure power fantasy bullshit in front of our noses, only to immediately snatch it away and reveal that he’s just as much of an insecure meathead as his self-insert. Fuck that.
    Actually, I can’t even really pretend I was into the twist ending to begin with, since it makes the same mistake that so many other meta endings like it do: pointing out the fact that your story is a cliched hackjob and choosing to do nothing about it does not make you “smart” or “subversive”. In fact, it actually makes you dumber than if you had not noticed the cliches in the first place and just played them straight (in my opinion, at least).

    • Zues Killer Productions says:

      Admittingly, fics pissing off other librarians are a rare find, nothing to say of those that actually finished, but this isn’t the one with the biggest reaction that I remember.

      That would go to Parallel Realities, in which an alternate galaxy that has ships more powerful than god, AI that would make Cortana blush, and stealth systems more like Star Wars than Mass Effect basically are all but implied to initiate a “benevolent takeover” in the aftermath of the Reaper Invasion, with Commander Stupard being the head honcho of everything. Note that this was after 47 chapters where his mission was NOT to involve the galaxy because “they wouldn’t stand up to the council.”

      The riffer’s reaction to that (Herr Wozneck for the record) was to basically record a 10 minute video, in the middle of the riff itself, pointing out the similarities between what happened in the fic, and the communist takeover of Cuba, of which there are a lot of.

      The kicker? In my opinion, Stupard isn’t as bad as some of his imitators, and other sues in the Library-but the story he’s featured in has so many unfortunate implications, that we’re still wondering what the author was thinking of years later.

      • Zues Killer Productions says:

        Oh wait, it wasn’t implied, it was explicitly stated. They kicked the council out for being “paranoid old geezers not willing to accept change,” and just inserted their own government on the denizens of the MEverse.

        This is treated as a good thing, with absolutely no repercussions or any insurgencies. I mean, Jesus Christ, even GATE acknowledged that foreign diplomacy with countries that you’re partially occupying after a military invasion is tricky, and that was basically one big JSDF curbstomps the enemy anime.

        • crazyminh says:

          If people want a good example of diplomacy with a country or other power grouping that you’ve recently conquered; watch “Legends of the Galactic Heroes”, or the more recent reboot “Legends of the Galactic Heroes: The New Thesis”

        • Zeus says:

          There’s a reboot?

          Shit, I need to find time to watch it (or the original around episode 20 when I last watched it. Either one is fine)

        • crazyminh says:

          Yeah, there’s two seasons right now, and a movie that IIRC is only available in Japan. It’s pretty good. Although it’s less detailed than the original, it’s much more accessible, and it looks much better as well.

    • AdmiralSakai says:

      I think he managed to write himself into a corner and didn’t know how to end his story, and panicked.

      That, and I think there’s a significant possibility that what we’re seeing as self-awareness might just be the author introducing the arguments of people who left critical reviews into his story just so that he can “dismantle” them with his Authorial God Powers.

      • Zeus says:

        If he really was trying to dismantle their arguments, than he did it in a way that made it worse.

        While girls playing tabletop isn’t impossible, 4 girls at the same time, one of who is the inspiration for the DMPC’s love interest, playing with a guy like this with no problems whatsoever is a little on the implausable side.

        Honestly, he’s probably gonna write himself into a bad situation once the players catch on that the big reason he made more chicks is because he honestly believes that making them female will stop the excessive barding antics.

      • =LOVE PHANTOM= says:

        That, and I think there’s a significant possibility that what we’re seeing as self-awareness might just be the author introducing the arguments of people who left critical reviews into his story just so that he can “dismantle” them with his Authorial God Powers.

        That makes the most sense to me. Doesn’t make the ending any less pathetic, though.

    • BatJamags says:

      I always seem to stumble onto the fics that think they’re smarter than they are.

      Also, hi, new-person-I-think!

  14. Em Kay says:

    I’ve had some fun with it, but I know that I went a little overboard at times. So, this chapter is going to involve even more of these strange twists!

    *pinches bridge of nose and sighs*

  15. Em Kay says:

    All I could do was watch helplessly as first Tagorus fell, followed soon by both Ashley and Joey.

    Mr. Most Penalty Minutes in the League seems to be really good at watching other people (lose a) fight.

  16. Zeus Killer says:

    Honestly, I’m thinking of leaving a review for the fic.

    I’ll start by getting the positive out of the way-the idea that a “jock” type can be a player of D&D isn’t something you normally see, and I’ll give credit where credit is due.

    Unfortunately, the rest of the fic is problematic, to put it lightly.

    The protagonist walks from a hospital room, no catheter described, then proceeds to not inform the staff, go to his home, arm himself with actual medieval weaponry, and runs away from the police when they come check on him…are you trying to make your character look like a terrorist to them, or did you not watch a cop show? And no amount of Nat 20’s is going to let them let you go because “a Dream waifu told me to do it,” that’s just asking for internment in a mental hospital.

    The main villain (who’s name sounds like it would generate a lot of boner jokes) has brainwashing, an army of evil creatures, and is backed by a god of death, but can’t handle a small resistance led by a king who may or may not be in kahoots with them? It sounds way too good to be true, and the villain feels like he was there to make the protagonist feel like a hero.

    And as for the god (okay, half-god, but still) revelation…are you insane? Suddenly revealing a character is a God, foreshadowing or no, in the middle of a story, takes away all tension up till that point, as what could possibly hurt or kill a God, puny mortal? Unless the protagonists are in the mortal coil opposing a God, or it’s a God on God fight from the onset, tread carefully when dealing with these stories.

    But, of course, we also have to discuss the elephant in the room-the ending.

    So all of this was the SI’s DM fanfic being played out on the tabletop, and it’s being called stupid…but the girl of his dreams just happened to want to play with both him and all the other girls, and NO ONE has a problem with it? I call bull-considering the internet, DM horror stories (The SUE Files, Fur Heresy, The Ballad of Edgardo, etc.) are pretty easy to find, and this story would fit in very well. PCs being forced to help out a DMPC who turns out to be a half-god and not only stops the generic evil villain, but shacks up with the waifu who is based on someone in their lives that they know, and no one has a problem with it, including the girl he based his waifu on?

    And don’t think I didn’t see the wish fuffillment either-“The girls call me Master in the hallway.” Yeah, that is totally fine, and not just sending massive red flags to everything with a mind. Honestly, the only real way I see this ending is the girls calling him out on making more female NPCs to reduce seducing attempts, never mind that they can’t get them pregnant, and that Yuri Romance is pretty much a standard nerd fantasy at this point. I’d love to see how he tries not to sound like a homophobe on this one.

    Soo…thoughts?


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