2563: Legend of Zelda: The True Force – Chapter Twenty-Five, Part Two

Title: Legend of Zelda: The True Force
Author:  Hikari no Vikki
Media: Video Game / Movie
Topic: Legend of Zelda / Star Wars
Genre: Adventure / Fantasy
URL: Legend of Zelda: The True Force
Critiqued by TacoMagic and Retired Darth Lord Crunchy

Heyo, patrons!  As a heads up, I may not have a post next week due to a business trip taking up a sizable portion of my week.

“Is that not a common monkey euphemism for something illicit?”

I wish.  In this case it’s a 12 hour drive so I can spend a few days learning about new radiographic management software.  Anyway, enough about me, we’ve got a vast field of nothing to tackle!  Crunchy!

“That is not how mines work.”

Pithy.  Let’s see what we’ve got this week!

It felt like the two of them had spent an eternity padding

Cut!  That’s a wrap!

*BZZZT*

Ugh, fine.

It felt like the two of them had spent an eternity padding softly through the shadows, ducking behind crates of stones and minerals and even using the occasional mine cart to escape the gaze of the Gerudo guards.

“To be honest, having the entire context did not meaningfully change the interpretation of that first phrase.

Well, at least Vikki decided to summarize the padding this time.

(Obi-Wan was less keen on using the mine carts to hide in, mostly since doing so required bouts of speed and stamina that he just couldn’t replicate every other minute like Anakin could. )

*SLAM* 

One cannot simply hide behind a mine cart. (Metal Gear Solid this isn’t): 115

But after a few breaks to catch their breaths, one or two close calls, and at least one time where they had to use force to knock out a guard, they had finally made it to the lift they were looking for.

*Checks the fic*  Huh, we’re not even half-way through the chapter and Vikki is already starting to get bored of it.

“Are you sure this is the one?” Anakin hissed, jogging as softly as he possibly could as he was coming back from wherever he’d hidden the guard’s body.

“The one?  What is this ‘one’ he speaks of?”

I’ve already forgotten what the hell it was they were looking for.  I kinda remember a top secret thingamajig that the Gerudo put all over their maps.

“Ah, yes.  Presumably some manner of trap to catch those of limited intelligence.”  *Crunchy looks meaningfully at the two Jedi.*

Obi-Wan nodded firmly, his gaze flicking to a plaque tacked beside the door.

“Level Five, Reactor Lift. I should think so. Mostly because the only direction it goes is, eh… down.”

“If it only descends, why would it be referred to as a ‘lift?'”

The Gerudo are big fans of irony.

Anakin blinked, noticing the arrow-shaped button underneath a yellow sign with a striped black border that read, ‘AUTHORIZED PERSONEL ONLY’.

“Yet, instead of utilizing a key-locked operating console, there is a button.  This is why not even the Sith utilized lowest bid contracting.”

Until Palpatine.

“I maintain that the order ended with Darth Bane’s idiocy.”

“Ah. Right. Well, shall we?”

Obi-Wan turned back to the closed lift and pressed the button, and the two of them waited with baited breath as the compartment inside made its way up to them.

I keep seeing this recently.  Authors everywhere, the turn of phrase you’re looking for is ‘bated breath,’ which means to hold or suppress one’s breathing while waiting eagerly or anxiously for something.  ‘Baited breath’ would be to eat a very aromatic cheese in hopes of attracting some manner of rodent.

Anakin was so tense when the doors opened that his hand jerked reflexively towards his lightsaber, but before Obi-Wan had time to stop him, Anakin had managed to do it on his own.

I was hoping it wasn’t going to turn into one of those fics, but now they’ve started jerking on each other’s lightsabers.

*Synthetic jazz blasts over the intercom system*

“I do hope you are satisfied with yourself.”

“No life signs,” he managed to gasp through an anxious breath when Obi-Wan gave him an odd look, “Couldn’t sense any through the Force.”

“He panicked because he sensed the elevator was empty?”

I guess he had a sudden existential crisis.  What if we are the empty elevator?

Obi-Wan turned back to the elevator, which was empty as Anakin had said it would be, and the two of them shuffled inside. Once the doors had closed and a small electric light flickered to life above them, Obi-Wan pressed the second of the three circular buttons, this one being labeled with the number six.

“I feel obliged to bring something important to light:”

Dude, you’re talking about a plot that could have been prevented by the Gerudo simply not including their top secret facility on the public map.

“You get better at that every day,” Obi-Wan remarked as he leaned against one side of the lift. Anakin shrugged.

He’s a padawan in training to become a Jedi.  He’s supposed to be getting better!

“Though, by this age, he should be far more advance than simply sensing life around him.  That is a feat only impressive in the youngest of whelps.”

“And it wasn’t even my idea. It just… sort of came to me, like when I knew that icicle was going to fall in the Ice Cavern.” He paused, frowning. “Why does it feel like that was a long time ago? It’s been what… a few days?”

*Taco squintes*  Did… did Vikki just cast shade at herself for the erratic update schedule?

“It’s the Force looking out for you, I suppose,” Obi-Wan replied quietly.

“That is most emphatically not how the Force works.”

“As for the other thing… we’ve done a lot in those few days. With little time in between to stop and think about things, it does feel like what happened four days ago seems more like four weeks, or four years.”

Yeah, definitely Vikki throwing shade at herself.

Anakin nodded, seeming to accept his master’s explanation.

“Naturally he did not, but simply wished for the windbag to cease his aimless blathering.”

“I wonder how we’re supposed to know what to look for,” Anakin mused as the lift finally began to slow to a stop.

“Given the precedent, I would imagine that you should follow the clearly identified signs toward the secret facility.”

“I mean, it’s not like either of us knows what a heavy water reactor looks like…” He glanced over at Obi-Wan.

“Do you?” he asked, as if the thought had just occurred to him. “Know what one looks like?”

First, nobody ever said anything about creating a reactor; it was a mining operation to collect heavy water.  Second, why would a heavy water reactor be a problem worth derailing your mission for? It’s just energy production.   Outdated energy production from the Star Wars perspective.

“Do you mean aside from the propensity of such a reactor to melt down while being poorly managed by individuals who are clearly not equal to the intellectual requirements of maintaining an active nuclear reaction?”

Okay, fair.

Obi-Wan didn’t have time to answer him, because just then the doors of the lift opened up to a balcony that ran around the length of what appeared to be a large room about two stories high.

But was really just two shoe-boxes taped together.

Rectangular in shape, a few metal catwalks joined either of the opposite sides of the room together, seemingly held in place with only a few screws and several thick wires attached to the ceiling.

But were really held up by a giant space turtle.

Below them, bathed in the red-orange glow of the soft lights attached to the bottoms of the catwalks, was a giant metal cylinder and a smaller, rectangular chamber about a quarter of the height of the cylinder that was made of a similar material.

That material being…

“Metal.  Though, only similar to metal in this case.”

Thank you, very helpful.

 A large, box-shaped tube connected the two objects and several holes in the side of the large cylinder were emitting dense clouds of smoke and steam.

The hell is ‘box-shaped tube’ even supposed to mean?

“They should find it rather worrying that this plant is actively producing smoke in a chamber that is, ostensibly, several hundred feet underground.”

It’s probably fine.

The two Jedi exited the lift and approached the railing bolted to the balcony so that they could get a better look at the rest of the room.

Shoe-boxes.

“I would guess that this is what a heavy reactor looks like,” Obi-Wan muttered quietly.

Not even close.

Anakin scanned the floor, which, while absent of guards and scientists, appeared to be littered with large barrels labeled with words like processed heavy water, tritium, and other fusion materials. Tables with lab equipment were placed in a line close to the wall just below them, and one in particular managed to catch his eye.

“Reactors can typically be left alone for long periods of time.  I see no issues.”

Now I understand why there’s smoke pouring out of it.

“Master? Look at that table down there. Those are blueprints, aren’t they?”

Apparently they just leave blueprints of finished, operational systems just laying around.

Obi-Wan’s gaze shifted to where Anakin was pointed, and again his eyes narrowed in suspicion. “That they are, Padawan.” He looked back towards his right where a black metal staircase led from the sixth level down to the seventh.

“Is it just me, Master,” Anakin began again as they descended the stairs, “or does the air in here kind of… tingle? And not in a good way.”

“Is it common for reactors to output mild forms of anesthetic in aerosol?”

Obi-Wan hummed in acknowledgement.

*GONG*

I bet that tingled!

“No, it’s not just you. I told you, tritium is a radioactive isotope. In small quantities it wouldn’t normally affect people, but because these Gerudo are producing it in such larger amounts…” He sighed, wiping a bit of sweat that had begun to pool on his brow. “The radiation is affecting our perceptions of heat and cold, even if only slightly.”

Glancing up, he murmured to no one in particular, “Probably why they’ve got so many fans up there. But there’s no one on shift here, so they aren’t in operation right now.”

Uh, if the radiation is strong enough that you can feel it on your skin, you’re about to die.

He didn’t mention it to Anakin, but Obi-Wan could also tell that the air tasted ever so slightly of the kind of processed air that was usually filtered through spacecraft ventilation systems.

“I would never have guessed that there were those who enjoyed recirculated cabin air enough to import it.”

That… and, for some reason, plastic. Though he couldn’t guess at why it would taste like plastic of all things.

“Even worse, they imported cheap cabin air that was stored in plastic bottles instead of glass or aluminum.”

They probably stole it and didn’t realize it was such low-brow bottled air.

By now they were approaching the table that Anakin had pointed out from the sixth floor balcony, and as Obi-Wan was the first to reach it, he began rummaging through the various papers to get a few glimpses at what exactly the Gerudo were doing here.

It’s a reactor.  They’re making power.

“And a large amount of fallout.”

I believe that’s referred to as the ‘special bonus.’

Meanwhile, Anakin slid around the other side and picked up one of the portable holographic charts, flipping through its settings.

“Well,” Obi-Wan muttered dully, “as far as I can see, these are just blueprints for the various machines behind us. Look here, this is the reactor building with instructions on how to repair the gravity pool, and the fuel building and detailed notes on keeping the fuel transfer’s radiation levels at the safest capacity…” He let the blueprint he was holding fall back against the table.

“Ah, so the Gerudo were aware of proper operating safety, but chose to ignore it.”

You know, given how quick to kill they are, maybe they specifically sabotaged their own reactor and purposefully put directions on how to get to it just so that anyone snooping around would get a lethal dose of radiation.

“That is truly diabolical; however, it does appear to revolve around the one snooping being stupid enough to desire seeking out the source of heavy water mining.”

And yet it worked.

“It did indeed.”

“It’s all in the common tongue, isn’t it?” Anakin added, his eyes flicking over to the notes, hands still clasping the holo-chart. Obi-Wan nodded. “Had to be. This planet has long since had the ability to use and produce fuel for spacecraft, but we had assumed that the entire planet had the capability.”

“And now it’s becoming clear that wasn’t the case,” Anakin mused idly.

The Gerudo stealing fuel from Hylians would still technically count of them having access to it.  Though I guess with the collapse of the Hylian government, perhaps production has become enough of an issue that the Gerudo realize they would need to make some themselves and-

I’m overthinking a poorly constructed plotline again, aren’t I?

“I was curious to see how far along that line of reasoning you would get before realizing.”

Obi-Wan straightened and took a step back from the table and its contents, running a hand through his hair. “So it seems. But if these people didn’t have access to such materials beforehand–”

*Crunchy waves his talons wordlessly at the massive mining complex*

“They probably at least knew about them,” Anakin interjected.

But did he know about them?

“They only knew about them, neither her nor she knew about them.”

What about them?

“They do not matter, only they do.”

Oh yeah, it’s all coming together!

“Wasn’t this Ganondorf originally the head of the peacekeeping envoy between the Hylian and Gerudo people?”

He is their king, so one would certainly hope that he was the head of his own envoy!

“Unless he was exceptionally well gifted in matters of delegation, I would say.”

Slowly, Obi-Wan nodded. “So Ashei tells us…” Anakin nodded sharply in return. “Well it would certainly tick me off if I was part of a culture that didn’t have a way to access other planets, but the culture I was as war with did.” A short, barking laugh escaped Obi-Wan.

Wait, so the Gerudo, who were described as being unusually well skilled at stealing technology to use for their own ends, were never able to acquire such common Star Wars technology as a starship?  I mean, I wouldn’t expect them to have a navy or anything, but they should have been able to get their hands on a small cargo ship or something.  What kind of cut-rate culture of thieves can’t even break into the smuggling industry?

“So you’re saying that what may have started out as an actual effort to make peace might have turned into an illusion just to get at the Hylian spacecraft?”

“Ganondorf has spent the last seven years sitting idly by in his floating palace, I find it unlikely that he had any degree of plan.”

Anakin shrugged, still flipping through the holo-chart. “Maybe. It’s entirely possible.”

“Only if you find it a reasonable plan to topple an entire civilization in order to gain access to a few vehicles.”

My guess is that Vikki never considered that the King of Thieves might try to steal space-faring technology.

But Obi-Wan seemed to disagree. “Surely this Ganondorf knew he could ask that the Hylians share their spaceflight technology?” He stared in Anakin’s direction, but not really looking at him.

Damn, I was right, Vikki never thought that the Gerudo could just steal the technology.

“That requires some measure of forgiveness, Master. And I have a feeling that these people don’t exactly have it in spades. People of oppression an’ all that.”

… what?  I’m sorry, but at what point were the Gerudo ever oppressed by the Hylians?  Even within the confines of this fic, that was never established as being even remotely a thing.

“It seem the opposite is far more likely with the Gerudo’s policy of murdering everyone they meet.”

Obi-Wan sighed deeply, pressing his right hand against his face.

“So what are you suggesting, Padawan? That they wanted to destroy what the Hylians had and build their own from what was left?” He let the hand that was covering his face fall to his side before meeting Anakin’s gaze, instantly freezing when he saw exactly how serious Anakin’s expression had become.

“Yes, Master. That’s exactly what I’m saying.”

“That is not remotely the point you had been attempting to make.  Nor is that the progression of events that occurred.  Indeed the motivation behind the events are at this juncture immaterial regardless; stopping Ganondorf is of preeminent importance and does not require analysis of his motivation.”

And then Obi-Wan’s gaze flickered to the holo-chart that Anakin was holding out for him to see. Behind the picture that took up about a quarter of the screen was yet another map of the complex, only none of the areas on this one were labeled classified. He took another look at the image that was displayed.

“Is that…?” Obi-Wan said slowly. Anakin turned it back around to face him and he frowned slightly.  “I think so. But I’d like to have a look at those holding cells on the first floor.” He tapped an empty part of the map on the screen and the image disappeared, and when he pressed a button on the bottom of the canister, the holo-chart disappeared as well.

Anakin found a thing too dramatically surprising to refer to by name, apparently.

“And now we have a map to lead the way,” said Anakin, flashing his Master one of his best boyish grins. “Right,” Obi-Wan replied, nodding. “Let’s go before anyone discovers we’ve been here.”

“Did they not already have ready access to maps from all the public terminals?”

But now they have double-access!

So they climbed the stairs and entered a different lift on the western side of the balcony and left the reactor chamber behind them.

.oOo.

Do I want to know why you have the Poltimore?

“It is probably best that you do not know.”

I thought as much.

“Hey, you!

Listen!

Look over here, inside the cell!”

“Look inside the cells of the detention center they specifically were going to?  I find that an unlikely course of action.”

It’s not a detention center, it’s a correctional facility.

“Feel free to continue laboring under that false pretense.”

Ashei paused, freezing instantly when the hissing voice reached her ears.

It had to be snakes.

 She and Link had somehow made it into the correctional facilities without much incident, however that fact alone was making Ashei very nervous.

You would think that after this many chapters of perpetual anticlimax, she’d be used to it.

She was alone in a strange place after all, since she and Link had agreed to split up to look for the carpenters.

“They had?”

Yup, it was that important and emotionally impactful scene that happened off-page while we were reading about Anakin and Obi-Wan looking at blueprints.

The room she had been in the process of leaving was very dark, being lit only by a small florescent installation on the ceiling and a map like the one they had seen at the docking point. Several boxes were stacked at various heights along one wall and others littered the floor, with the other side of the room containing a holding cell with what appeared to be only darkness.

“Why are there boxes strewn everywhere in the correctional facility?”

Moving day.

“Would it pain you terribly to answer my questions in a not ridiculous manner?”

However, being cautiously optimistic, Ashei decided to turn around very slowly and comb the area with her eyes while she continued to question the voice until she could determine whom (or what) exactly she was talking to.

“I see nothing in the cell… mind coming closer to the light?” she prodded gently. And, to her amazement, the owner of the voice complied.

*SLAM* 

None will be admitted during the thrilling ‘looking for the sound’ scene. (Zzzzzzzzzzz): 116

From within the shadows in the holding cell emerged a burly looking young man with wild curly brown hair wearing little except for some shoes, leg wraps, a pair of dusty red pants and a blue vest similar to the jacket that their leader, Mutoh, was always wearing.

“Wearing almost nothing, with the exception of the numerous articles of clothing.”

Maybe we have it all wrong, maybe its the fact that words meaning things which causes so many issues and not the other way around!  Like Vikki, we have but to break the mold of our expectations to truly see the world as what it is: a senseless construct of perception built in man’s vanity to encapsulate and apply a subjective label to the chaos of pseudo-existence!

“You are attempting to not be fatally spared by the contradictions agency, are you not?”

Shh, I think it’s work-

*A platoon of solitary agents hastily break down the door carefully by opening it,  storm slowly into the room, and slaughter everyone by letting them off with a light reprimand.*

I really, really hate those guy.

“I have no idea where you come from,” he whispered as Ashei crept closer, “but you must have a lot of guts to make it past all the guards around here!”

What guards?

“Do not be dense, there have been at least one guard.  Three if you count the ones that appeared off the page.”

Oh, silly me.

She frowned at the young man in slight distaste, much as she tried to hide it.

“One wonders why they have wasted so much of their time trying to rescue such odious ignorami in the first place.”

Look, you can’t just not do the sub-quests.

“Guts, huh? I bet you thought it was something of a gutsy move to try and join the Gerudo, did you? I thought you would’ve had a bit more brains…”

“I remain unclear on what their motivation was for attempting to join a xenophobic, female-only culture in the first place.”

Probably relating to boobs, if I’m honest.

The carpenter shrugged. “Yeah, I suppose. But, honest – I’ve seen the error of my ways… too late though, it seems.”

Well, seeing as it required getting thrown into a cell to bring about the revelation… ya think?

Ashei shook her head. “Your leader sent us to find you. I can get you out of here.” His eyes, both of which she noticed were a rich brown color, gleamed hopefully. “Do you mean it?” Folding her arms across her chest, Ashei nodded. “Of course I do.” The carpenter glanced around shiftily before scooting even closer to the bars.

“Then you should know that all of my fellow carpenters are imprisoned somewhere in here. If you can get us out of here, we’ll repay the favor somehow! But be careful! There’s sure to be Gerudo guards somewhere around here… woo! Watch out!”

Ah yes, the ambush scene from the game.  Ashei continues to absorb the protagonist status from Link like the proper black-hole Sue that she is.

Ashei’s senses had gone on full blast even before the carpenter had managed to warn her.

“Those senses are unnecessarily loud!  Perhaps we should phone in a noise complaint!”

What!?  No, the riff console does not need another coat of paint!

Cue horribly written fight scene!

“You cannot have my spleen!”

Immediately she rolled off to one side, hearing a loud yelp and the clang of metal on metal. She reached for her sword, and as she drew it, sparks of light magic scattered across the floor. The Gerudo woman jumped back, hissing something in the Gerudo language.

Without another word, Ashei advanced, and their blades clashed, but the two were of equal strength. She glanced at the boxes; what was in them? Through the power of the Force, she blew the top of the one nearest to the Gerudo. It hit her against her head and during that moment of stunned silence, Ashei moved in so that she could deal as much non-lethal damage as possible while still getting a good look at the contents of the crate.

Ashei dealt the Gerudo woman a long cut to her side, a crippling wound but nothing fatal as she’d intended. Slipping between the Gerudo and the crate, Ashei glimpsed a few of the things in the crate: several metal canisters all labeled ‘plasma bolt fuel.’

Ugh, that pacing.

“Why are they putting ‘fuel’ in their blasters?  Those utilize energy clips, not fuel.”

I dunno, but I’m going to go out on a limb and say it’s probably stupid.

Fuel for a fighting spacecraft?

Welp, that definitely counts.  For reference, Vikki, a ‘plasma bolt’ is not a kind of ship.

Ashei whirled around just as the Gerudo was coming back around. That question would have to wait.

However the Gerudo did not immediately attack this time. There seemed to be some manner of recognition, and Ashei was able to make out something that sounded an awful lot like, “A woman?” in a surprised and very heavily accented common tongue just before the Gerudo raised one of her long curved blades in their signature lunge.

“Why is having a woman infiltrate their base particularly surprising?”

Maybe they’re really used to male idiots coming after ‘teh bewbs.’

Ashei had heard of this move before.

“Lunging?  One would hope so as it is a very basic sword move.  If you were unaware of lunging, then Auru would have been even worse at his job of instructing you than I had given him discredit for.”

It was fast and deadly if you allowed yourself to succumb to it;

Being stabbed does tend to put a damper on your plans for the day, yes.

however the Force was on her side and allowed her to brace her feet and block the attack at just the right moment, more sparks flying between them across the stones.

“Still not how the Force works.”

Never-mind that, which one of these two idiots is using a flint sword?

Ashei pressed against the Gerudo blade and the woman jumped back, cursing under her breath before she jumped up into the darkness up above and the alert in the back of Ashei’s mind ceased to little more than a faint buzzing.

Which was meanwhile replaced with the facility alert.

“You have once again been overcome with your expectations of basic competence.”

She turned to look at the carpenter. “I would suggest that we should get around to letting you out now… huh?” Something sparkling and shiny had caught her attention. Kneeling down, she picked it up, only to find herself fingering a small silver key between her thumb and forefinger.

“So her assertion that she would be able to let the carpenter out of his cell was based on the knowledge that a key was going to be delivered to her via a convenient ambush?  Or was the claim a simple mistruth derived from unwarranted bravado?”

I’m fine with either as long as she stops doing lewd things to the key.

“She must have dropped this… hmm.”

Ashei stood up, walked over to the door of the cell and fitted the key in the lock. Taking a quick breath, she turned it to the left and heard the lock click open. She chuckled quietly. “Well, that’s convenient.”

*Taco and Crunchy look meaningfully at the fic*

“Very.”

“Does it matter?” asked the carpenter as he exited his cell.

Only for those who were hoping to read something that wasn’t a heavily plagiarized pile of crap.

Ashei shrugged, walking over to the map to check which exit the man needed to use. “Probably not,” she answered quietly, “but the Gerudo aren’t known for their carelessness.”

The man nodded slowly. “Well… I’m Ichiro, the carpenter. My friends and I were really interested in joining their all-female group, but they locked us up like this just because we’re men!”

“That was very disappointing because they were supposed to murder us!”

Ashei glanced back at him, her eyes rolling slightly. “Oh really?” she remarked sarcastically, to which Ichiro responded by holding up his hands defensively.

“Hey, I know that now!”  he replied indignantly, but after a while he sighed and finally added, “I really can’t thank you enough.”

I mean, how were we supposed to know that the band of women known for their xenophobia, thievery, and murder wouldn’t welcome us with open arms!?

Ashei told the computer to return the display settings to default and pointed out the direction the carpenter should take to get back to the docking points. “Just go down as far as you can and when you get to Storage Room 1B take a left and then another right at the intersection. Got that?”

“Fortunately the guards in that portion of the facility abruptly stopped existing.”

Sorry, what was that again, fic?

“but the Gerudo aren’t known for their carelessness.”

Not since ‘only stormtroopers are so precise’ has a line of such unintended irony been uttered.

He nodded. “Yeah, thanks!”

“And tell Mutoh thanks when you see him again!” she called back. “I might also apologize if you can find it in yourself to do so!” She wasn’t able to make out his response after that, since he was too far down the corridor.

“What would she be apologizing for?”

Do you want the list?

“Let me rephrase: what would she be be self-aware enough to recognize as warranting an apology?”

Ah, yeah, nothing comes to mind.

Meanwhile, Link had just finished freeing yet another carpenter, Jiro.

He’d freed Sabooro first, and while he had been somewhat eccentric for a young man, he’d been… civil.

He’s on his second rescue already?  He’s been getting a lot more done without all the melodramatic looking at shit and snide bitchiness that Ashei was slowed down by.

And straight.

Much to Link’s chagrin?

“Pity, Markus will be disappointed.”

*Marcus dejectedly gives Crunchy the finger from the doorway*

Link flushed at the thought of the last carpenter, Jiro, calling him a ‘cute boy.’

*Taco squints* Can’t tell if homophobic or just unaware of how humor works.

If he weren’t so embarrassed at the thought of the advance, he might’ve been at least a little offended at being called a boy.  After all, he had accepted his role as an adult now, so being called a boy – particularly a cute one – was slightly degrading.

“Pipe down, whelp.  Until you have a few centuries under your wing, you are but a fledgling at best.”

Not that he’d say that aloud.

“It matters little how I discovered your impertinence.”

But it wasn’t much longer after that he heard the sound of footsteps coming down a nearby hall, and he pressed himself up against the wall while his senses combed the darkness for anything recognizable.

If you find the plot anywhere in there, let us know.  We’ve been looking for it for a few years now.

“Ashei?” he asked when he sensed a magical signature he recognized.

Because apparently that’s something Hylian magic can do now.

“Link?” came the reply.

Moments later a form emerged out of the darkness and into the light of the electric torch mounted on the wall in the middle of the ‘T’ intersection. It was indeed Ashei, though she was slightly disheveled and splinters of wood were stuck in her hair.

“What… happened to you?” he asked, noting her tired expression.

Look, sometimes you just gotta headbutt a crate.

“Gerudo guard ambushed me while I was trying to free one of the carpenters. She ran off though, once she knew I had the advantage… not sure why.

“I would be far more concerned with the lack of a noticeable alarm following her departure.”

It could be because I’m a woman? I don’t know…”

I guess that means we can add the Gerudo to things Vikki has explicitly written lore for and then promptly forgotten about.

“Not necessarily.  The other, quite likely, interpretation is that Ashei never had true knowledge about the Gerudo and was fabricating her information about them in order to appear informed.”

Link frowned. “I’ve been ambushed too. Twice. Both times I was trying to free one of the carpenters.”

“Looks like you succeeded though,” she muttered, looking him over with mildly amused appraisal.

He has that amusing ‘just successfully freed two carpenters’ look about him, apparently.

“So that means we’ve freed three of the four carpenters, correct?” Link nodded, and pointed down the hallway he’d been following before he heard her footsteps. “And the last one is down this way.”

“I know,” she replied. “I don’t see why we shouldn’t stick together.”

“I am still trying to fathom how splitting up was viewed as necessary, not that I would ever complain if my players decided to divide the party.”

Anyway, at this point we get basically a verbatim repeat of the first encounter where they talk to the carpenter and then get jumped, but this time with both Ashei and Link getting ambushed by two Gerudo instead of just one of them.

The fight is almost verbatim like the first until:

Now they were together, however the Gerudo had caught on to this and suddenly one of them whistled and more Gerudo materialized from out of nowhere.

“Egads!  Dramatic cloaking technology!”

Next it’ll turn out that none of these Gerudo are left handed.

Ashei had her back to Link’s feeling his warmth and comforting presence through her clothing as Link had his Hylian Shield strapped to his right arm.

While the fighting back-to-back thing is cinematically interesting, it’s also pretty stupid because it would interfere with your weapon arm.

But no matter how well their connection was, how strong they were as a team… could they take on this many?

“Well, there were two Geurdo, and then more appeared, thus you are now outnumbering two against more than two.  Taking into account the infinite power of Suedome, victory is at least a faint possibility.”

She glanced back, managing to catch Link’s eye once more.

Eyes on the battle, idiots!

Could they do this, Ashei wanted to ask. Link nodded. Even if they couldn’t, they would sure as hell at least try.

The Gerudo inched closer, holding their blades aloft. Suddenly, they began to charge up their deadly lunge all at once, and Ashei could feel her stomach drop through the four floors below them and bury itself into the earth.

“In several million years of life, that metaphor has still managed to undeniably be the worst I have ever seen.”

The time travel still doesn’t count.

They probably could take on this many, but there was no way to avoid this, not with Gerudo preparing to execute them on every side!

Oh noes, they cannot avoid… this!

Link could feel Ashei’s panic through the air around them. It was sort of contagious; he’d never felt so afraid until now, not even when he’d faced Gohma down in the depths of the Great Deku Tree.

It is official: many women with swords is far more terrifying than a massive spider.

But suddenly an idea occurred to him.

“I am convinced that we are not going to be pleased with this.”

Ashei,’ he whispered, grasping her hand and holding it tight, ‘fill your sword with light, and then release it upon them when I tell you.’

Gerudo 1:  What are you two talking about?

Gerudo 2: I heard somein’ ’bout light magic.

Gerudo 3: Shut up, we all know that only the princess can use that stuff, and she ain’t the princess.

Gerudo 2: Well how would you know, have you ever met the princess?

What? How?’ Her voice in his head was much calmer than he thought.

Gerudo 3: See, they just standing there!  She ain’t doing any magic, let alone light magic!

Gerudo 2: I’m telling ya, she gonna use light magic on us!

Gerudo 4: Maybe we oughta just poke-em a bunch with the swords while they’re standing there not doing anything!

Think of it like a spinning slash, but the two of us will perform it, instead of just one of us.’

Gerudo 5:  Now they’ve got a real funny look in their faces.

Gerudo 1: They better not be passing gas, smells bad enough in here with the prisoners.

Gerudo 4: I still think we should be stabbing them or something.

Gerudo 6: Nobody asked what you thought we should be doing!

Suddenly Ashei understood, and Link could feel the moment when she did. The Master Sword, already brimming with light, was throwing sparks at the feet of the wary Gerudo. He grinned. He couldn’t die here. In fact, he refused.

Gerudo 2: See!? Now ‘is sword’s glowing and doing weird stuff!

Gerudo 5: But you said she was gonna be using the magic!

Gerudo 4: It doesn’t matter which is using it, we should be doing something about it!

Gerudo 3: You keep going on about that, but I don’t see you doing anything!

Now!’ he commanded.

In one sweeping motion, the two of them locked arms and spun counterclockwise with their swords outstretched. White-hot arcs of light energy fell at the feet of the Gerudo, and they all scrambled back for safety.

I’d say that’s the stupidest sounding attack I’ve ever heard of, but I did play a lot of Mortal Kombat in high school and some of the ones Midway came up with are pretty damn idiotic.

Some made it, some didn’t, though none were fatally wounded.

“Because the Force forbid any of the murderers die.”

They stood there, breathing heavily when the dust fell.

All around them, the Gerudo seemed dazed, but at once they recovered and advanced again.

“Hold on, it was ineffective?  What a pleasant surprise!”

“Wait!” called a voice, sharp and commanding. Immediately the Gerudo paused. Then, they parted ways for yet another Gerudo in different colored clothing. Where most of the Gerudo were clothed in thick fabrics and silks of crimson and violet, this one wore similarly styled clothing of gold and white.

Dammit, Nabooru!  Why couldn’t you just let the two of them get sliced up a bit?

And unlike the others, her face was uncovered.

“Stand down,” she told the other Gerudo in the room, “and return to your posts. I will take these two to the Fortress and speak with them there. Oh,” she paused, touching the shoulder of one of the retreating Gerudo, “and please see the young carpenter safely back to town. Oh… a word of advice: if I find that any of you have harmed him… I’ll feed you to the desert. Now get to it.”

Sudden change of characterization for the entire culture is sudden.

“Please, the characterization would need to have been consistent in the first place to have suddenly changed.”

She took a deep breath and sighed as her orders were being carried out, and she looked up at Link and Ashei with a weary but relived expression.

“All right…” she began slowly, “why don’t we go find your companions? I’m sure they’ve gotten into just as much trouble as you by now.

“With a more talented author, this could be a cunning ruse to recruit Link and Ashei’s unwitting help in capturing the two Jedi.  Unfortunately our author is Vikki.”

We should probably make sure that they’re not accidentally executed.”

Accidentally executed?

She grinned at them, and there was a paused of stunned silence before Link managed to cough out a rough, “Um, well… would you mind leading the way?”

“Why certainly,” she replied cordially, “It’s this way.”

“They need to find the Jedi that she already knows the precise location of?  I feel this is a missed opportunity to utilize my version of the plot.”

And, apparently having no other choice, the two of them followed her as she led the towards the north side of the complex.

And, with that, the chapter comes to an end.  But, of course, we have the parting shot.  Oddly brief this chapter, so I wonder what’s up with that.

Ahh… finally. This looks like a good stopping point.

“Twenty-five chapters late, but now would suffice.”

Sadly, we’ve got five more.

“Curses!”

(Honestly, I’m still trying to work out what’s going to happen next

Which is odd since you have never once strayed from the canon progression of the game.  You should be well aware of what’s about to happen; I certainly know.

so I’m probably going to disappear for a little bit to draw some stuff to listen to my new audiobooks.)

“This is the point where we reaffirm that neither of us cares.”

It is indeed.  And that’s it.  That’s our author’s note.  Would that all of them have been that short.  Anyway, see everyone in two weeks with the start of chapter twenty-six!


42 Comments on “2563: Legend of Zelda: The True Force – Chapter Twenty-Five, Part Two”

  1. AdmiralSakai says:

    Obi-Wan nodded firmly, his gaze flicking to a plaque tacked beside the door.

    “Level Five, Reactor Lift. I should think so. Mostly because the only direction it goes is, eh… down.”

    What, the pacing?

  2. AdmiralSakai says:

    it was a mining operation to collect heavy water

    Whut.

  3. AdmiralSakai says:

    Yup, it was that important and emotionally impactful scene that happened off-page while we were reading about Anakin and Obi-Wan looking at blueprints.

    I mean, it’s not like I’m complaining that there’s less of this ‘fic…

  4. Em Kay says:

    “Level Five, Reactor Lift. I should think so. Mostly because the only direction it goes is, eh… down.”

    So the “lift” is just slowly sinking farther and farther into the earth, and anyone who rides it will never see the light of day again.

    Eh, I’ll kind of miss Obi-wan, but Anakin is welcome to ride that sucker to the core.

  5. GhostCat says:

    crates of stones and minerals

    I guess some of those stones are made up of non-mineral compounds, like wood or ice.

  6. GhostCat says:

    “Level Five, Reactor Lift. I should think so. Mostly because the only direction it goes is, eh… down.”

    So every time the shaft fills up with lifts they have to dig out a new one? That seems very wasteful. On the bright side, there’s probably a stockpile of lifts sitting around waiting to be lost down the hole, so they should have plenty of non-mine-cart cover to hide behind.

  7. Em Kay says:

    a few metal catwalks joined either of the opposite sides of the room together,

    Both. The word you were looking for was both. Or just, not have anything between the words “joined” and “the”. Stop adding in words for extra flavor!

  8. GhostCat says:

    But were really held up by a giant space turtle.

    And four elephants.

  9. GhostCat says:

    “The radiation is affecting our perceptions of heat and cold, even if only slightly.”

    If the radiation is so strong that it is noticeably fucking around with your nervous system, then you should probably already be dead.

  10. GhostCat says:

    Ashei shrugged, walking over to the map to check which exit the man needed to use. “Probably not,” she answered quietly, “but the Gerudo aren’t known for their carelessness.”

    As demonstrated by their one-way elevator and the cancer machine in their basement.

  11. Em Kay says:

    “It’s all in the common tongue, isn’t it?” Anakin added, his eyes flicking over to the notes, hands still clasping the holo-chart. Obi-Wan nodded. “Had to be.

    …Why? Why would something the Gerudo are presumably trying to keep secret by clearly marking it all their maps be.. written… in…

    I’m coming around to your “it’s a trap” hypothesis.

    • GhostCat says:

      They have an one-way elevator operated by a big, bright button plainly labeled AUTHORIZED PERSONNEL ONLY and it goes right to a dangerously radioactive room. Sounds like the perfect trap for adventurers to me.

  12. Em Kay says:

    “I see nothing in the cell… mind coming closer to the light?” she prodded gently.

    Benedict Cumberbatch said it better.

  13. Em Kay says:

    His eyes, both of which she noticed were a rich brown color, gleamed hopefully.

    Ah, here’s that misplaced “both”. Although, I supposed it’s nice to know he’s not heterochromatic?

  14. Em Kay says:

    She reached for her sword, and as she drew it, sparks of light magic scattered across the floor

  15. Em Kay says:

    “Well… I’m Ichiro, the carpenter.

    The kid from arguably the worst Godzilla movie ever made? That… explains a lot, actually.

    • TacoMagic says:

      I was thinking of the former outfielder for the Seattle Mariners, but that’s also possible.

      Weirdly, the carpenters are actually one of the few places where Vikki kept both the original name and appearance.

      • Em Kay says:

        Eh, I know sportspuck, not sportsball.

        • TacoMagic says:

          My parents are the only reason I know so much about the balls of sportingness. Back in the day (it was a Tuesday) it was much cheaper to buy extra tickets to sports matches than it was to hire baby sitters, so they’d drag Lyle and I along to all the games.

        • GhostCat says:

          I’m so glad the only sport my father was ever interested in was NASCAR, and that we were too far away from any major track to ever attend a race in person. I did attend the demolition derby, though.

  16. Em Kay says:

    If you find the plot anywhere in there, let us know. We’ve been looking for it for a few years now.

    *chuckle* Yeah, this has been going for a while, but I’m-

    2016: Legend of Zelda: The True Force – Chapter One
    Posted: April 25, 2018

    Damn, I’ve been around consistently for that long?

  17. Em Kay says:

    She ran off though, once she knew I had the advantage… not sure why.

    We have no idea what you “advantage” was, either.

  18. Em Kay says:

    They probably could take on this many, but there was no way to avoid this, not with Gerudo preparing to execute them on every side!

    If the Gerudo were going to execute only some of their sides, that’d be no problem, but every side?!?

  19. AdmiralSakai says:

    He’d freed Sabooro first, and while he had been somewhat eccentric for a young man, he’d been… civil.

    He’s on his second rescue already? He’s been getting a lot more done without all the melodramatic looking at shit and snide bitchiness that Ashei was slowed down by.

    And straight.

    Much to Link’s chagrin?

    “Pity, Markus will be disappointed.”

    *Marcus dejectedly gives Crunchy the finger from the doorway*

    Link flushed at the thought of the last carpenter, Jiro, calling him a ‘cute boy.’

    *Taco squints* Can’t tell if homophobic or just unaware of how humor works.

    If he weren’t so embarrassed at the thought of the advance, he might’ve been at least a little offended at being called a boy. After all, he had accepted his role as an adult now, so being called a boy – particularly a cute one – was slightly degrading.

    Well there goes the “bewbs” theory.

  20. BatJamags says:

    Obi-Wan pressed the second of the three circular buttons, this one being labeled with the number six.

    OK, I’ve never been great at math, but I feel like floor six should probably not be the second of three buttons.

  21. BatJamags says:

    ‘Ashei,’ he whispered, grasping her hand and holding it tight, ‘fill your sword with light, and then release it upon them when I tell you.’

    Gerudo 1: What are you two talking about?

    Gerudo 2: I heard somein’ ’bout light magic.

    Gerudo 3: Shut up, we all know that only the princess can use that stuff, and she ain’t the princess.

    Gerudo 2: Well how would you know, have you ever met the princess?

    ‘What? How?’ Her voice in his head was much calmer than he thought.

    Gerudo 3: See, they just standing there! She ain’t doing any magic, let alone light magic!

    Gerudo 2: I’m telling ya, she gonna use light magic on us!

    Gerudo 4: Maybe we oughta just poke-em a bunch with the swords while they’re standing there not doing anything!

    ‘Think of it like a spinning slash, but the two of us will perform it, instead of just one of us.’

    Gerudo 5: Now they’ve got a real funny look in their faces.

    Gerudo 1: They better not be passing gas, smells bad enough in here with the prisoners.

    Gerudo 4: I still think we should be stabbing them or something.

    Gerudo 6: Nobody asked what you thought we should be doing!

    Suddenly Ashei understood, and Link could feel the moment when she did. The Master Sword, already brimming with light, was throwing sparks at the feet of the wary Gerudo. He grinned. He couldn’t die here. In fact, he refused.

    Gerudo 2: See!? Now ‘is sword’s glowing and doing weird stuff!

    Gerudo 5: But you said she was gonna be using the magic!

    Gerudo 4: It doesn’t matter which is using it, we should be doing something about it!

    Gerudo 3: You keep going on about that, but I don’t see you doing anything!

    ‘Now!’ he commanded.

    See, you’re joking, but I’ve read comics where fight scenes basically look like this.


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