2397: Just Watch Her Bleed Until She Can’t Breathe – Chapters 1 & 2Posted: August 9, 2019
Title: Just Watch Her Bleed Until She Can’t Breathe
Topic: Jurassic Park/Jurassic World/Twilight
URL: Chapter 1
URL: Chapter 2
Critiqued by Ghostcat
Hello, dear Patrons, and welcome to another fic! This one is also from the Jurassic park/World section and is also a crossover, but this time it’s a crossover with the town bicycle of fanfics, Twilight!
And it gets better! Not only is it another JP/Twilight crossover, but it’s a sequel to another fic we’ve already seen – the cavalcade of strangeness that is She’s Got a Little Bit of Raptor in Her Angel Eyes.
You know what that means!
Also, the author really has a thing for nonsensical titles.
Weirdness aside, that fic seemed fairly complete, ending with the Sue being stalked by paparazzi at school and pitching a bitch-fit regarding how triggered she was that was soothed by attention from a cute boy. It just sort of fizzled out like many we see in the Library, so I have no idea where this sequel is supposed to be going. I’m sure the summary will let us know.
Sequel to She’s Got a Little Bit of Raptor in Her Angel Eyes. Carlisle now heads InGen and the Volturi plot to use this to take down the Cullens once and for all, starting with the death of Lex. But what happens when Claire’s nephews and Owen are in the wrong place at the wrong time? Enter Forks at its most dangerous and deadly time.
The fic hasn’t even started yet and I already have questions. How would the Volturi use the fact that Carlisle is (for some inexplicable reason) now the head of a company to ‘take down’ the Cullen clan? The sparklepires do have a masquerade in place to prevent normies from getting suspicious, but as long as Carlisle retires before anyone notices that he doesn’t age and doesn’t do anything stupid like make herds of sparklesaurs he should be fine.
…There’s going to be herds of sparklesaurs, isn’t there? And they’re going to try to attack all the named characters from the movie (who will apparently all be in Forks at the same time with the sparklesaurs because reasons) and the Sue is going to have to save them, isn’t she?
AHHHHH! DISEMBODIED VOICE!
The camera shook a little as it first turned on and steadied out as it followed the reporter in her plum-colored business jacket and pencil skirt
I find it a little odd that someone knows enough about clothing to correctly identify a pencil skirt but calls a blazer a ‘business jacket’.
to where a girl of almost seventeen was booking it out of the tiny high school-you could see her shoulders hunching when she saw the camera and could see her speeding up as fast as she dared.
I don’t know it is intentional, but the use of colloquial language gives this narration an almost light and casual feel that doesn’t really fit.
“Miss Cullen! Miss Cullen!” the reporter shouted, coming up to the girl, who tried to place her hands up to hide her face from the cameras and failed miserably.
Is she holding something that would prevent her from accomplishing this fairly simple task? Or is it because the single camera suddenly twinned itself?
“Miss Cullen, what was it like at the park?!” she shouted to be heard over the crowd of high schoolers flooding out of the building and around the cameras.
That’s really why this reporter is following the Sue? Because she was one of the survivors of the incident at the park? There were probably many people who made it out of the park – for what reason besides “she’s the Sue” could the reporter be specifically targeting her? Did the park make it common knowledge that they gave a teenager a gun and turned her loose with a pack of raptors?
“I told you to leave me alone!” the girl shouted, and then she flipped her middle finger up, which got a few gasps but was mostly ignored. The girl then ran at vampiric speed away as the video cut.
The Sue from the fic lived with the Cullens, but she wasn’t a sparklepire – she was a velociraptor/human hybrid because DNA is made of magic. She doesn’t have vampiric speed. She might be faster than the average human, because of the aforementioned magical DNA, but she shouldn’t be at the same level as the sparklepires.
“Thank you, Angelica,” the blond on the throne drawled. “If you would kindly take that infernal device away-“
You can’t; she already ran off with her suddenly appearing super-speed.
The auburn-haired young woman closed the laptop with an emotionless preciseness that appealed to Marcus in particular nicely as she then disappeared.
I think you word there, author. Possibly several.
“That was good of Alec to get that footage,” Caius remarked.
Based on the description of a camera (or multiple cameras, which would require the footage to be edited together) following a reporter who is questioning a girl, I would assume this is footage that was broadcast at some point. It wouldn’t have been very difficult to locate.
“Well, seeing how the abomination killed his sister, he’d do anything to kill her,” Aro said.
I still think that’s debatable. Jane just sort of … disappeared and the Sue was in her proximity at the time. And threw a water bottle at her, if I’m remembering correctly.
“His time will come quite soon, fortunately. One of our more technologically talented scouts was able to hack into the InGen email system and was able to find the email of Ms. Weber’s to the lovely Dr. Cullen and Dr. Wu. Our plans will be complete in only a few weeks. How foolish, that they didn’t leave.”
I have a very hard time picturing the Volturi doing anything like this. Not only are they exceptionally old-fashioned, but they are very slow to act. The bulk of the last book in the series is the Cullen clan just waiting around for the Volturi to finally show up.
“Well they are overly sentimental,” Caius sneered. “How wonderful that it works to our advantage.”
“Tis,” Marcus answered in his dead monotone.
Presumably because the fic says so, and that’s why.
“Shall we send Heidi to take care of matters with young Alec?” Aro asked.
“Have Dimitri go with them,” Caius suggested. “Then we have three-it is still quite the lucky number.”
“Clever thinking,” Marcus muttered.
“Excellent,” Aro said. “They’ll never know what hit them.”
I don’t think you’re twirling your mustaches hard enough, guys.
There’s a line-break, which I assume means there’s going to be a scene change and we’ll probably get introduced to the Sue again.
Screams filled the small cottage on the Cullen property at 3:00 that morning.
Which is an eerily specific time for screaming, but the sparklepires don’t need to sleep so there’s lots of things they could be doing at that hour. I’m not going to judge.
Lex shot up as Jacob, Nessie, Edward, and Bella all came running into the room at their superhuman speeds.
Where they slammed into each other, taking out half of the cottage with their super-strength. Again.
“Are you alright?” Bella asked.
“There isn’t any danger, is there?” Jacob asked as he tried to block Nessie from going through the door.
Why is Jacob in the house? Presumably it’s because of Nessie, but based on the descriptions in the last fic she’s supposed to be the same age as the Sue; somewhere around thirteen, fourteen, or sixteen depending on the chapter.
“N-No, no, just a nightmare,” Lex murmured through shaky breaths as she ran a hand through her messy reddish-brown hair. “Go back to bed-or whatever you guys do. I’m fine.”
“Are you sure?” Bella asked.
Yes, you should definitely take the word of this young girl – whom you raised as your own daughter – that she is fine even though she just woke up screaming and appears to be very disturbed. You can go back to having unrealistic sex now.
“Yeah,” Lex said, smiling as she got to her feet. “I’m just gonna use the bathroom, okay? I’m fine, I promise.”
Was she screaming because she had to pee? Does she have a severe UTI or something?
“If you’re sure,” Edward said hesitantly, before he and Bella backed out, and Lex burst past them and slammed the door to the bathroom shut behind her.
I guess Jacob and Nessie have vanished into the mists of the Void, or are going to be stuck in the bathroom with Lex.
She let the faucet run and splashed some water on her face, shoulders, and legs.
The face I can understand, but why her shoulders and legs? Is she going to strip down and take a whore’s bath at the sink?
Even six months after the fact, she still could smell the rancid smell of the Indominus’s breath, could still feel the ground rattle, could still see Jane burning,
Which is far more than the audience ever saw.
the ground shattering the gyrosphere, Echo attacking-
Pretty sure the Indominus was the one who shattered the gyrosphere, not the ground.
She took a deep breath in, then out. In. Out. Slowly, but surely, regaining her composure and whatever was in her lungs.
What was in her lungs? Was it pudding? That’s been showing up in some weird places recently.
I’m okay. I’m okay. I’m okay.
Lex took a final deep breath, then flipped the lights off and lay in bed,
Which is now in the bathroom, because reasons.
waiting until Bella and Edward were too preoccupied to hear what she was about to do. One, two, three. . .
So I guess she’s waiting for her foster parents to go back to having sex so they won’t hear her do whatever it is she’s going to do. Ewwww.
Lex then picked up her phone with the earbuds in, and speed-dialed his number. As casual as it was in the day, just video games and talking and skyping, nothing fancy, often at two in the morning, they’d end up texting or calling each other for one reason-nightmares.
Aren’t they in two different time zones? Or so I assume, since Lex probably lives in Forks and I think Forgettable Cute Boy was from somewhere in the Midwest.
Sometimes it was Zach who called first. Sometimes it was Lex. Sometimes Gray was with Zach because he was the one with the nightmare, or maybe it was all three of them.
And instead of talking with their parents and maybe getting some help for what appears to be a serious mental issue brought about by a traumatic experience, they’re just going to talk it out amongst themselves. And the parents just don’t seem to care beyond making a token effort when Lex does something that disturbs whatever it was they were doing when she screamed.
This must be the year of terrible fanfic parents or something.
Lex laughed bitterly at the sheer irony.
I don’t think you understand what irony is.
Here she was, about to text her boyfriend all the way in Minnesota, and she’d bet a lot of money he was either awake or grateful she woke him up from whatever awfulness he had to suffer through.
“Irony – noun. The use of words where the meaning is the opposite of their usual meaning or what is expected to happen.”
The fic just established that everyone is suffering Great Emotional Trauma, so what about this is supposed to be ironic? The fact that she’s reaching out to her relationship partner for emotional support and/or to offer emotional support?
“Same nightmare I’ve been having all week-Jane on fire-”
“I’m sorry, that sucks.”
But I bet it looked epic. Too bad we never saw it.
“It royally sucks,” Lex agreed. “Are you okay?”
“Just the gyrospheres,” Zach said. “Do you just wanna talk?”
I would personally consider being trapped in a clear bubble while a massive murder-lizard tried to eat me to be far more traumatic than watching Jane wander off into the void, but I guess we need to make it all about the Sue.
“Sure,” Lex said, already feeling a smile on her face. It just helped, talking to him. They understood each other, just how to really handle it all-they were all in this together.
I still think you should try talking to a professional who would actually know what they are doing.
“Well, I forgot to mention some good news during our Skype today,” he said. “Remember how I said Aunt Claire would be coming to some fancy dinner that Dr. Cullen’s holding for his stupid InGen projects?”
Apparently six months is the appropriate waiting period after a total collapse of the park before they can celebrate anything, so now they can have fancy dinners because … I guess that’s because what large companies do in movies? Realistically InGen should be hip-deep in the shitstorm that was the incident on the island, but hey! Maybe they’ll have an open bar.
“Well, turns out, that’s the weekend that-“his voice dropped to a whisper “-Mom and Dad are divorcing. So Aunt Claire and Uncle Owen are in charge of watching us that weekend.”
They’re getting divorced on a weekend, when no courts would be operating? And why is he being secretive about it? There’s usually a procedure that couples follow during a divorce, when they separate for a length of time and (depending on how big an asshole they want to be) meet with a moderator or before a judge to hammer out the terms of the divorce. Presumably the parents would also talk with the children and prepare them for the divorce and not just send them off to their aunt’s house and then surprise them when they get back.
…They’re going to do the surprise thing, aren’t they?
“You’re coming here?!” Lex cried, forgetting about keeping her voice down.
“Yeah,” Zach said. “I can’t wait to see you, babe.”
“Me neither,” Lex said with a smile.
“Well, is there anything else?”
“Not really,” Lex admitted. “I just kinda wanted to hear your voice.”
And also because of the nightmares, don’t forget that was supposed to be the reason you called him. Even though you haven’t actually talked much about them.
Laughter came from the other side.
“That’s sweet,” he finally said as Lex’s entire face finished turning red.
“Like you,” she teased.
“I think I hear Gray. Gotta go,” Zach said quickly, and she could hear rustling of sheets.
“Tell him I said hi!”
Yeah, I’m sure he’s going to spend time with his ‘little brother’ after talking to you on the phone.
With a click, the line ended. Lex quickly set her phone on her dresser and bundled herself in blankets and pretended to be asleep when Edward came in to check on her.
Because pretending to sleep is definitely going to fool Edward, who can read minds. I’m sure that will work flawlessly.
He didn’t have to sleep with the pain, she always thought. He didn’t have to see the flames, the jungle, the dinosaurs at night again. For once, Lex wished she wasn’t human-or whatever the hell she was.
Yeah, it’s not like he’s spent decades being able to read the most secret and depraved thoughts of people whether he wants to or not. And I’m pretty sure there was something in the books about him actively going out to feed on the worse people he could find in an attempt to ‘balance’ things out at one point, so there’s also that.
The chapter just sort of ends there with Lex hiding under to covers, so let’s move right on to the next chapter.
Friday, Lex skipped to her car, and then drove quickly to the Cullen home.
Which should be her home, right? She is supposed to be a Cullen.
Her heart raced with her thoughts in excitement at who would be there at the dinner that night-he promised he’d be there with Claire and Owen and Gray.
Because the plot requires everyone of any importance to get together in one place for ease of attack even if there’s no reason for them to be there. Shouldn’t be long before the Volturi make some sort of vaguely threatening gesture and then immediately back off and wait until the last chapter to actually make an appearance.
She couldn’t help but smile as she pulled into the driveway to the main house and parked. She bounced into the glass house of light, hugging Rosalie first.
There’s a garage, you know.
“Hey, Lexie, how are you?” Rosalie asked her as she let go to continue helping Esme cook. “How was your day at school?”
“It was great,” Lex said excitedly. “When’s the dinner?”
“It’s at eight,” Esme called over her shoulder.
Dinner isn’t until eight, which is kind of late for a school night, and they are already cooking it at – what, some time in the afternoon? Presumably Lex gets out of school some time around three or so; what exactly are they making that takes that long to cook?
“You should take a shower young lady, make sure you look nice-that is, if you don’t have any homework.”
“Oh, I did it during study hall,” Lex said casually. “I guess I’ll go down to the cottage, then.”
She took a shower during study hall? I don’t remember that ever being an option when I was in school.
“Yes, then you’ll look good for that boy,” Rosalie said with a smirk. “I mean, he is your boyfriend, right?”
Mind the glitter, dear. You know that stuff is impossible to wash out of wool.
“I guess that’s the right word for it,” Lex mumbled.
I personally prefer ‘date-mate’ as it is all inclusive and gender neutral, as well as rhyming, but you do you.
She slid open the back door, vaulting over the balcony to the radioactive-green lawn and sprinted to the cottage, only slowing down at the small path right before the porch.
I guess they decided to put down Astroturf after the werewolves kept digging holes in the lawn looking for gophers.
She fumbled with the doorknob and jogged into her room, only to stop and stare in horror.
Did the cat leave you a little present? I’ll get the paper towels.
“What the hell?” she demanded as she looked wildly from the posters of Rosalind Franklin, MGS, Kingdom Hearts, dinosaurs, and various summer camps she’d been to thrown around and torn from the walls.
Why did she go to summer camps that threw her from the walls? Is that one of those weird team-building exercises?
The top two search results for MGS are Marriott Global Source and Metal Gear Solid, so I’m just going to assume that Lex is a big fan of hotel chains.
Her precious Beauty and the Beast bedspread and colorful rainbow frog sheets had been stripped from the mattress, her pillow from halfway across the room.
Someone’s a very active sleeper. She must have Restless Leg Syndrome, too.
Her computer had been yanked from the wall near the desk and lay shattered on top of her pillow.
NOT THE COMPUTER!
Her clothes had been strewn across the room, and her bookshelf toppled over.
To be fair she is a teenager, so they might have already been like that.
What made Lex want to vomit, however, was her mattress.
In what looked like blood, a message was scrawled on the stark white.
[deadpan] Oh, no; blood on a mattress. That’s something no woman has ever seen before.
You will pay for what you did to my sister. Tonight.
That’s quite a long message to be written in blood on a yielding surface; it must take up most of the mattress. It’s also quite vague, since ‘you’ll pay for what you did to my sister’ could refer to practically anyone and not just Alec.
There’s another line break so presumably the scene has ended. Yay.
Bella cradled her in her arms in the safety of the glass house as Emmett, Jasper, and Edward went in to repair things and clean.
It occurs to me that this went down in a house full of sparklepires whom all have super-enhanced senses – especially when it comes to detecting blood – and include both a mind reader and a precognitive/clairvoyant, yet no one apparently heard or sensed anything. How would that even be possible? Alec’s talent is to instill fear in people near him, not mask his presence from others. I don’t really think there would be a way to do that, not considering the enhanced senses and special abilities in the Cullen group.
Wrapped up even in the safety of her bedspread, the one thing that had kept her calm through PTSD-induced nightmares, she still felt panic at the message.
They only thing her PTSD has really done is give her chronic nightmares that are soothed by light flirting, so she’s gotten off fairly light all things considered.
“Nothing will happen tonight, I promise,” Bella said. “The Volturi wouldn’t dare attack at such a big party.”
Except they would; they were squaring off to attack the entire Cullen clan, all their associates, and the Quileute werewolves before the Magic Alice Ball convinced them otherwise.
“But I have a really bad feeling about this,” Lex whined, leaning away from her mother’s ice-cold touch. “I-I-”
“Lex, we need to go ahead with the dinner,” Carlisle said. “Why don’t you go upstairs and let Rosalie or Alice help you get ready?”
Yes, this dinner party is far more important that your frightened child who was just threatened or the fact that someone broke into your house and wrote all over the place with blood – something that should be a cause of major concern.
“Um, okay,” Lex reluctantly agreed as she got to her feet and began up the steps, just focusing on breathing. She paused at the top of the stairs when she realized neither Rosalie nor Alice were in the upper level.
“Just watch out for her, okay?” Carlisle asked in a low voice. “I need to go through with this, Esme. Alright?”
Yes, this dinner party is far more important that your frightened child who was just threatened or the fact that someone broke into your house and wrote all over the place with blood – something that should be a cause of major concern since it shouldn’t have been possible with a house full of ‘ultimate predators’.
Before Lex could hear the answer, she felt a tap on the shoulder.
She whipped around, only to realize that she had punched Rosalie.
Suddenly, and from behind!
“Ow! Sorry!” She cried, shaking out her hand.
“It’s alright,” Rosalie said with an encouraging smile. “Come on, let’s go get you ready. I didn’t mean to startle you.”
Punching each other in the face is how sparklepires say ‘Hello’. Truly theirs is a deep and rich culture.
Lex remained as passive as a porcelain doll through the ordeal, especially when Alice skipped in.
Which mirrors events from the books, since the emotionless washcloth that is Bella allows Alice to treat her like a doll.
She only rose to wrestle herself into the expensive green silk dress and to pee once.
Hopefully not at the same time. And there’s a four or five hour gap between when Lex got home and when this dinner is supposed to be held, and she’s only going to pee once? I call bullshit on that.
Otherwise, she remained dangerously still as Rosalie expertly painted makeup on her face and Alice cheerfully twisted her reddish brown hair into an updo.
That almost makes it sound as if she’s gearing up for some big conflict instead of being traumatized.
The whole time, Lex’s raptor eyes stared into the vanity as she struggled with her hold on reality.
A struggle that the audience is just going to be informed of rather than being shown. This is essentially what happened to Bella; when Edward abandoned her she just kind of shut down because she was nothing without her man around. It is also something that is borrowed often by Twilight fanfic authors; it is as if this is just the default setting for any sort of reaction to anything bad in the Twilight universe.