2369: Maya and Raider – Chapter 14

Title: Maya and Raider
AuthorEclipsepheniox
Media: Video Game
Topic: Borderlands
Genre: Adventure/Romance
URL: Chapter 14
Critiqued by Delta XIII

Should I even bother lampshading the release gap again, or should I just get on with it?

(

-The Management)

Well anyway, in (rather late) celebration of Borderlands 3 becoming an official thing, a new DLC pack for Borderlands 2, and me getting the Handsome Collection on Steam, here’s a brand new chapter of this snorefest!

I know, I just absolutely spoil you, don’t I?

EVERYTHING WRONG
WITH
Maya and Raider
Chapter 14

(Ah shit)
(here we go again)

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2368: The Purple Queen – Chapter 13

Title: The Red Queen
Author: Dravyn LeCrux
Media: Web Series
Topic: RWBY
Genre: Drama/Tragedy
URL: Chapter 13
Critiqued by BatJamags

It was…………………………………………………….Bat-Ozpin!

Uwaah count: 12
A Sentence Fragment count: 32

Hello once again, patrons! I’m your host, BatJamags, and hey, it’s more of this. Aren’t you excited? No? Great!

Last time, Ruby had a fight with Roman, Emerald, and Mercury. Cinder showed up. My chapter summaries continued being depressingly short.

‘Okay,’ Ruby mused to herself. ‘This is getting a little complicated. Roman alone would have been a tough fight, and his two new henchmen didn’t seem to be the type of just drop so easily. And to top it all off, this woman managed to fight off Miss Goodwitch, a capable and well trained Huntress with years of experience under her belt.

Whose job apparently entails being Ozpin’s coffee-getter.

This isn’t exactly looking the best.

The fic? I should think not.

The White Fang goons have already been taken care of, so should I just have Dinah and the other retreat? I can probably escape from here pretty easily. Shit!’

The four villains just kind of stood there, slack-jawed, while Sueby had her internal debate.

Ruby was thinking deeply about her present situation. To say it was bad wouldn’t be the entire truth, nor would it be entirely incorrect.

It would, however, be a way of wasting entirely too much of the reader’s time on nothing.

Three variables.

Three Sentence Fragments! Three! Ah-ah-ah! Count: 33

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