2350: What is the music of life? – Oneshot

 

Author: Cyricist001
Media: TV Series/Book/Video Game
Topic:  The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim/Game of Thrones
Genre: none given
URL: Chapter 1
Critiqued by Ghostcat

 

 

 

 

Hello, dear Patrons, and welcome to another oneshot! This one is a ‘true’ oneshot in that there’s just one chapter and it is listed as completed. Also, it’s another Skyrim crossover!

It’s also a Skyrim/Game of Thrones crossover, which actually sounds like a fairly plausible concept to me.  We haven’t had a Game of Thrones (or A Song of Ice and Fire, which is the book series the show is based on) before, but I’m fairly confident that most people with Internet access are aware that Game of Thrones is a thing which exists. I’m not going to give a massive SC-style info-dump for this fic because an info-dump for GoT/ASoIaF would stretch for many, many pages, but I’ll try to cover any relevant information as it is needed. It should go without saying that there are major spoilers ahead.

Let’s take a look at the summary, shall we?

What happens when mages blunder.

If the mage in question is a overly confident Khajiit named J’Zargo, then what happens is that you repeatedly set yourself on fire while trying out his “improved” Flame Cloak scrolls.

Vigdis watched as the Unsullied patrol passed her hiding spot and marched down the narrow street. The ‘Mother of Dragons’ certanly tightened the security in Meereen after the Sons of the Harpy started their murder spree.

Okay, time for some info-dumping.

The Mother of Dragons is Daenerys Stormborn of House Targaryen, originally of Westeros but she was forced into exile as a baby with her older brother Viserys to the Free Cities on Essos when Robert Baratheon led a revolt and claimed the Iron Throne of Westeros. After marrying a barbarian, getting pregnant, losing her husband to an infected wound, some black magic shenanigans where she unwittingly trades the life of her unborn son for her now comatose husband, she smothers her husband and then enters his funeral pyre and not only survives but uses the flames to hatch the three dragon eggs she received as a wedding gift. Thus she becomes the Mother of Dragons and considers the three her children. Since Dany seems to have inherited her brother’s obsession with regaining the Iron Throne, she travels to Astapor, the home of the eunuch warrior-slaves called the Unsullied who are reputed to be the best fighters in the known world, to acquire an army. After tricking on the the slavers into turning over the Unsullied, Dany sets them free and has them liberate the city. This leads to a series of conquests that eventually see Dany liberating the slaves of Meereen. This is where things start going sideways for Dany, as an underground movement of former slavers calling themselves the Sons of the Harpy start killing off her Unsullied and trying to manipulate Dany into returning the cities of Slaver’s Bay back into slave trading centers.

Not that it did her any good. The Unsullied were a poor choice for the job, they excelled in tight formations but one on one they were lousy fighters, their poor choice of equipment also didn’t help. What dimwit makes a phalanx with lightly armored infantry?

:spits out coffee:

…Bwa?

First off, the Unsullied are considered heavy infantry. Secondly, they are trained in many weapons, including swords, spears, and shields, via insanely brutal methods that start when the boys are five years old. The training is so harsh that only a quarter of the boys even survive to become Unsullied. In the TV series Dany uses the Unsullied primarily as an army against other large forces and they are often shown in neat formations, but they also excel at close combat and are often used as personal guards.

Once the patrol was out of sight she made her way to the palace, but already a hurdle presented itself. Because of the Unsullied guarding the gate she decided to enter the building another way…no point in leaving too many corpses behind, that would be horribly unprofessional from her.

I’m not really sure this unnamed person knows what professionalism is. They didn’t even properly research the Unsullied.

Instead she started to climb the wall. It wasn’t that hard to climb up the pyramid, it only took a bit more time and effort than going through it.

I guess we’re just going to have to take her word for that.

Finaly after two hours she finaly reached the balcony leading to the Targaryans bedchamber.

She was climbing up the side of a pyramid for two frickin’ hours? And that was easier than sneaking in through the interior? How did no one see her? Logically she would have done this at night, but the narration doesn’t specify so she could have been pulling a Spider-Man in broad daylight. In an extremely hot environment, while climbing up a slanting stone surface.

Vigdis released the bound daggers she had used as help in her climb and pulled her actual weapon out.

At first I thought she had tied weapons to her hands and used them to climb with, but then I remembered that Bound weapons are a thing in Skyrim. These are weapons that are essentially lesser daedra that are conjured from a plane of Oblivion and forced to assume the shape of a bow, battle axe, or sword. I don’t know of a spell that summons bound daggers, though – but it would be useful for use sneaky types that don’t go around trying to dual-wield swords.

Mehrunes’ Razor…

That old thing?

It was a pain in the rear to get the weapon but it certainly was wort it.

Not really. To get the Razor you have to complete three fetch quests to get all the pieces, one of which you can just buy off the guy keeping it safe, and then visit the shrine of Mehrunes Dagon to have the bits reunited. It has a unique enchantment that gives you a small (less than two percent) chance of instantly killing someone in one hit, but realistically any decent weapon would have a similarly lethal ability without having to rely on Skyrim’s whimsical RNG. If you smack someone upside the head with a pickaxe, it probably doesn’t matter if it has a unique enchantment on it.

With her other hand Vigdis used the invisibility spell to make her intrusion remain undetected and entered the Great Pyramid.

She has Invisibility, which is awesome for sneaking past people, and still choose to climb up the side of the pyramid?

The rooms were nicely decorated, not too surprising, the Wise Masters didn’t really lack wealth and threw it for luxury at every opportunity.

:stares into Void:

It’s the nicest piece of nothing I’ve seen in a while.

The assassin suddenly stopped as she spotted an armored figure standing outside what she presumed was Daenerys Targaryen’s bedroom.

She was on the balcony outside Dany’s bedroom, but entered he pyramid and is now … outside Dany’s bedroom again?

It would be easy to simply sneak behind him and cut the knights throat, but again that would be unprofessional.

You’re thinking of the Thieves’ Guild; an assassin’s entire profession revolves around killing people.

So the invisible intruder bypassed the vigilant form of Barristan Selmy and went up the stairway.

Presumably to go back to the balcony outside Dany’s room that she entered mere moments ago and try again.

Once she reached the bedchamber a closed door blocked her path, at least it did until she used a lock pick to fix the problem.

In my experience, guards stationed outside locked doors usually have keys on them that can be easily looted from their bodies.

Once the door was open she again used the invisibility spell before making her way inside.

Presumably because the spell’s time ran out, or because she performed an action that cancelled out its affects, even though the fic doesn’t mention that either of these things are options in this world.

On a big, comfortable bed slept the form of her target. The woman didn’t seem so regal now that she was undressed.

Nudity can do that to you. I’m sure the Queen of England looks like a normal old lady when she’s buck-ass bare.

Everyone, try not to picture the Queen of England naked.

Beside her was also a man she identified as Daario Naharis, the leader of the Second Sons.

The man Dany identifies as Daario? I thought Dany was sleeping?

Both were sleeping rather soundly thanks to the intercourse they had, but to be on the safe side she continued to sneak to the bed.

Is she sneaking into her own bed to continue the intercourse they had been having? Because I’m having a lot of pronoun confusion right now.

And with a swift motion Vigdis rammed her dagger through the woman’s foramen magnum.

The foramen magnum is the hole at the base of the skull where the spinal column enters, so pretty much any dagger jammed in there would probably do the trick. She didn’t need the Razor for this job, unless she just really likes using Daedric artifacts.

Daenerys Targaryen could only twitch once before she was dead…her partner not even knowing he was now sleeping with a corpse.

Daario must be very tired from all the intercourse he’s been having.

Done thought the assassin as she restored her invisibility and made her way out of the palace.

That’s three times she’s cast Invisibility on herself without any mention of it fading or going away. She’s going to be super hard to spot now.

The day was eventful enough as it is…

Wait, so it was daytime when she climbed the pyramid? She climbed a baking stone surface even though she could turn invisible and easily sneak inside?

Even Cicero could do a better job than this and his elevator doesn’t reach the top floor.

She had already eliminated the two dragons locked up in the dungeon with her poisons, though they required a big dose of the most potent stuff she could brew.

:attempts to sweep dragons under the rug:

I’m going to need a bigger broom.

She was no Dragonborn but killing an overgrown lizard wasn’t that hard if you knew how.

No, it isn’t. Technically anyone can kill a dragon – all of the dragons Alduin resurrects had to have been killed by someone and there haven’t been very many Dragonborn –  but only a Dragonborn can make sure they stay dead. The Dragonborn absorbs the dragon’s soul, permanently removing it from the world and keeping someone like Alduin from manipulating it back into a corporeal form.

The third dragon wasn’t anywhere in the city so she didn’t get the opportunity to poke it with her dagger but it wasn’t a bid deal. It wasn’t her concern what it will do to Essos.

Then why bother killing any of the dragons at all if they weren’t part of the contract? If someone wants the dragons dead, then presumably the one flying around roasting livestock and people is a much higher priority than the two that are safely contained in a dungeon.

Vigdis almost sighed when she though that after getting to Meereen her work was still not done…she still had a few wolves to put down up in the north. Tywin Lannister certainly kept her busy with all of his plans and schemes, but at least he paid well.

Presumably this is a reference to the Starks, whose house sigil is a direwolf and who use a lot of wolf imagery.

And truth be told, the ‘Mother of Dragons’ had it coming for a long time.

You might think that if you were one of the slavers who lost property during her push to abolish slavery, but back on Westeros there are bigger things to worry about. From what I recall Dany wasn’t seen as a legitimate threat while the dragons were small, since no one believed she had them, and there were more immediate problems to deal with in Westeros.

Daenery’s could flaunt her titles when she had army’s and dragons backing her up, but without them she was only a child throwing a tantrum. Her words of killing anyone who she disagreed with only made it clear how inept she truly was.

Someone doesn’t like Dany very much. Daenerys was actually a pretty effective, and ruthless in many cases, leader who inspired intense loyalty in her followers. IN hindsight some of her decisions seem a little questionable, but I wouldn’t describe her as a child having a tantrum. That does fit her brother Viserys to a T, though. (And before anyone asks this fic was written back in 2015, well before the burning of King’s Landing.)

When the entitled little princess conquered the city’s of Slavers Bay she didn’t deal with the root of the problem…the Dothraki. If the savages sack a settlement and cant sell the people into slavery than the people would be left to starve or would be killed by the savegas on the spot…at least the males.

The woman would be raped either way, and then they would be left to die or if good enough taken as toys for the Dothraki to torment. Destroying Astapor and Meereen didnt make the world a better place, not one bit.

This is kind of a problem, since Dany is trying to abolish slavery but the slave trade is such a big thing in Essos that she never really succeeds and ends up almost making things worse for everyone in the end. She can’t retain control of a city once she leaves it, so she’s constantly fighting a losing battle. There are even former slaves that petition her to reinstate slavery, since they had homes and jobs and purpose as slaves but as freemen they are starving and homeless. The books go into great detail about all the ethical dilemmas she faces.

If she realy wanted to stop death and suffering even a little she would have destroyed the Dothraki who are the actual root of the slave trade.

The Dothraki do participate in the slave trade, but it is not them alone who are responsible for it. Slavery is an incredibly pervasive part of the cultures of Essos.

Vigdis sighed…if only she didn’t let Brelyna practice her magic on her, she wouldn’t have ended up stranded on this god’s forsaken world. One minute she was in the College in Winterhold the next standing in the middle of the Wolfswood…

Is that really all the effort the author is going to put into reconciling these two canons? “Because magic”? That feels very half-assed.

Winterfell seemed like a nice place, it reminded her of Skyrim but when she offered her services to the Starks they refused. Not only that but ordered her to leave their lands.

The Starks aren’t really the kind of people who hire assassins, but you should have tried at the Dreadfort. I’m sure they’re hiring.

After that she made her way to the Riverlands but the Tully’s did the same thing…and the Lord of the Eyrie gave her the cold shoulder as well.

And for some reason she’s only approaching the main houses rather than any of their bannermen, of which there are many. I guess that’s going to make her trip much faster, in any case.

Perhaps Astrid could have handled the situation better but Vigdis wasn’t the leader of their sanctuary for a reason, her only note worthy skills were centered around killing people.

Which you would think would be a very marketable skill during a civil war, but apparently it is not.

She then tryed her luck in the Westerlands and finaly found somone who needed her skills. The Lannisters had a lot of gold and payed well. They even gave her a small piece of land around Tarbeck Hall to govern.

And all she had to do is remove certain problems, either with her dagger or with a few well placed Mayham spells.

The Lannisters used to have a lot of gold but now their mines are played out and all they have is a lot of debt. And considering how long Bronn had to wait to get his castle, I doubt they just handed over a piece of land to some nameless nobody.

Unlike many of the ‘honorable’ lords and ladies of Westeros the Lannisters had no qualms about her profession…in fact they would rather pay her to assassinate a dozen people in their beds than cause a war that would be costly both in money and lives…for both sides.

Actually, because of the war the Lannisters were able to seize the very valuable lands of Highgarden, which gave them some much needed revenue.

There was a reason Westeros prospered when Tywin was the Hand of the King.

Probably because he was able to keep Cersei in check; once he was dead and Cersei had more freedom things really went off the rails.

Sithi’s knows how things will turn out after him, his progeny weren’t the most capable lot.

Except for Tyrion, he’s cool.

Cersey especially was a wildcard, the woman actually requested that she sang the Rains of Castamere to the Targaryan before killing her…the lunacy.

You could have at least told Dany that the Lannisters send their regards. They have a catchphrase for a reason, you know.

It was already daybreak when her ship set sail towards Westeros, she didn’t stay long enough to see the disaster tat happened in Meereen. But with the Pale Mare riding through both the city and the army outside she doubted that it will be good.

Oh, and there’s a terrible plague that is know as the Pale Mare sweeping through the refugee camps of newly freed slaves, which is actually a very big problem that further complicates matters for Dany but barely rates an afterthought for this assassin who probably spent a lot of time around those infected people and is probably going to Typhoid Mary it up in Westeros when she gets back.

She especially pitied Daario and Barristan Selmy…those two will get so much flak for failing to protect their queen.

It’s definitely not going to look good on their resumes.

Vigdis removed her dragon priest mask and let her blond hair fall to her shoulders, her blue eyes gazing in the distance.

…And she’s wearing a dragon priest mask, a very distinctive piece of gear that hasn’t even been hinted at before now.

Perhaps I should stop in Braavos and see if anything interesting is happening there thought the Dark Brotherhood assassin.

Then perhaps you should have booked passage on a ship that was heading to Braavos rather than one that is going to Westeros. Presumably the ship you’re on has business in Westeros and doesn’t have time to indulge a tourist who maybe wants to go somewhere else but can’t make up her mind.

She then closed her eyes and took a deep breath before slowly exhaling “All hail Sithis.”

It’s actually “Hail Sithis” not “All hail Sithis” since adding that all to it makes it look as if you’re leading a group in prayer rather than saying a personal prayer.

Same time on the Summer Isles

… I think this is some kind of scene change tag, but it makes no sense. You can’t really do a jump-cut in a written work.

This is paradise thought the Redguard Dragonborn as he was laying under a palm tree, his right arm around a nude, nubile beauty while his left held a cool drink.

I think someone might have been downloading a few too many mods from the Lover’s Lab.

To oblivion with Alduin and Brelynas lost friend, I’m staying here.

He’d rather chill on a beach with a naked woman instead of wandering aimlessly around a partially frozen province battling wolves, sabre cats, and legions of undead, all while learning chemistry by eating live bees and human hearts, and then occasionally ripping the souls out of massive nightmare monsters?

What a weirdo.

That marks the end of the fic, such as it is, but there is an Author’s Note of sorts tacked on to the bottom.

A/N:

Im neither pro Stark or Lannister, this is only an idea. If I could pick the ruler of Westeros it would be the Queen of Thorns.

Considering this fic is all about a super-assassin being sent by the Lannisters to kill Danerys, I kind of think the author might be pro-Lannister.

Name: Vigdis Cyneric

Race: Nord

Gender: Female

Posesions: Mehrunes’ Razor, Black Sacrament Armor, 400 Septims, Hevnoraak.

I’ve already covered the Razor; according to Google ‘Black Sacrament Armor’ is an armor set from a mod for something called the Black Phoenix Stealth Assassin Guild. Because wearing a special set of unique armor is the perfect way to blend into your environment and isn’t going to make her memorable in the slightest. When the Unsullied start questioning people to find out if they saw anything suspicious, I’m sure no one’s going to mention the distinctively Nordic woman in the unusual armor. Of course, it could be a completely different armor set since there’s no description of what she’s wearing in the fic, nor does just naming the armor set serve the same purpose as, y’know, describing it because it doesn’t actually describe anything.

Hevnoraak is a Dragon Priest mask and is presumably the one she was wearing; it grants immunity to disease and poisons, which would be helpful against the Pale Mare plague but doesn’t seem like something that a non-Dragonborn character would go to the trouble of tracking down and defeating a Dragon Priest to obtain. Krosis (which grants bonuses to archery, alchemy, and lockpicking) would be a good fit for a stealthy character, or Vokun (which boosts Conjuration, Illusion, and Alteration magics) if she uses Bound weapons and Invisibility frequently would be much more useful.

What I don’t understand is why she is carrying around four hundred septims, the currency of Tamriel. She didn’t get it from the Lannisters, nor would she really be able to use it in either Essos or Westeros. That’s a lot of money to just be carrying around; she could easily have melted down the coins and sold off the gold to get the local currency.

Skills:

Conjuration – Bound Dagger/Bow, Soul Trap, Conjure Deadra/Dremora Lord, Dead Thrall.

Illusion – Invisibility, Mayhem.

Alteration – Transmute

Alchemy

Archery

Light Armor

Sneak

One-handed

Lockpicking

I’m not really sure what this is supposed to be. It looks like a listing of the skill trees, but there’s no skill level given just a listing of some of the spells in some of the magic schools. I don’t really know why it was included since the fic is already over and the character didn’t do anything like reanimate Dany’s corpse so there’s no reason to bring up the fact that it was even an option.

That’s all for this week, Patrons! I sifted out a few more of these Skyrim/GoT crossovers so I might whip a few out before moving on to other pastures.


19 Comments on “2350: What is the music of life? – Oneshot”

  1. AdmiralSakai says:

    trying to manipulate Dany into returning the cities of Slaver’s Bay back into slave trading centers

    In their defense, the local Tourism Board probably had an uphill battle in front of it.

  2. AdmiralSakai says:

    It was a pain in the rear to get the weapon but it certainly was wort it.

  3. AdmiralSakai says:

    Beside her was also a man she identified as Daario Naharis, the leader of the Second Sons.

    The man Dany identifies as Daario? I thought Dany was sleeping?

    And, while Dany identifies him as Daario Naharis, the leader of the Second Sons, everyone else knows he is in fact just Mark Richards who runs the auto-parts shop.

  4. AdmiralSakai says:

    When the entitled little princess conquered the city’s of Slavers Bay she didn’t deal with the root of the problem…the Dothraki. If the savages sack a settlement and cant sell the people into slavery than the people would be left to starve or would be killed by the savegas on the spot…at least the males.

    The woman would be raped either way, and then they would be left to die or if good enough taken as toys for the Dothraki to torment. Destroying Astapor and Meereen didnt make the world a better place, not one bit.

    Except for the part where, without their primary source of income, the Dothraki are going to have a much harder time of operating in general.

    • GhostCat says:

      There’s also the part where the reason the Dothraki attack settlements is to capture slaves. If they don’t have that incentive any more, then there’s not really any reason for them to go on a multi-city murder/rape spree. I’m sure there would be an initial wave of looting and pillaging, because Dothraki, but that isn’t really sustainable. If they kill everyone, then they’re going to run out of victims – and the resources the victims provided – pretty quickly and either die off themselves or be forced to adapt.

  5. AdmiralSakai says:

    She then closed her eyes and took a deep breath before slowly exhaling “All hail Sithis.”

    HAIL STAN!

  6. BatJamags says:

    What dimwit makes a phalanx with lightly armored infantry?

    Yeah, Alexander the Great sure was a moron. Gawd.

    (Seriously, the point of a phalanx is that if they have big heavy shields and long pointy sticks, they don’t really need personal armor. They’re basically a tank made of people.)

    • GhostCat says:

      And the Unsullied aren’t just infantry; they have a very well-earned reputation for being incredibly versatile warriors thanks to their intensive training. I’d imagine that they actually train more in small-group tactics or hand-to-hand combat, since not very many people would be able to afford to buy an entire army’s worth of them.

  7. BatJamags says:

    Not really. To get the Razor you have to complete three fetch quests to get all the pieces, one of which you can just buy off the guy keeping it safe, and then visit the shrine of Mehrunes Dagon to have the bits reunited.

    Personally, I prefer to just use an electric razor. Much faster to shave with and you can get them at most department stores.

  8. TacoMagic says:

    What is the music of life?

    That’s a weird name for Taco Bell’s BOGO bean burrito night, but okay.

  9. TacoMagic says:

    It would be easy to simply sneak behind him and cut the knights throat, but again that would be unprofessional.

    I know a clever young author who’s played a lot of Hitman games and knows that you get a sizable cash bonus if you only kill your target.

    • GhostCat says:

      It’s the eternal struggle; do I want to get the Silent Assassin bonus, or do I want to stab this thug in the eye with a screwdriver because he won’t get out of my way?


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.