2253: A Thousand Cuts – Oneshot

Title: A Thousand Cuts
Author: TheAutisticDuo
Topic: Borderlands 2
Category: Video Game
Genre: Hurt/Comfort / Sci-Fi
URL: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12518886/1/A-Thousand-Cuts
Critiqued by Crazy Minh

WARNING!!! THIS FIC CONTAINS GRAPGIC VIOLENCE AND UNGRACIOUS SWEARING. IT ALSO CONTAINS A REALLY BAD MARY SUE OC AND ABOUT AS MUCH RESPECT FOR ENGLISH AS AUSTRALIANS HAVE FOR OUR POLITICIANS. WHICH IS TO SAY, LITTLE-TO-NONE. IF YOU HAVE ANY TRIGGERS BELONGING TO THIS CATEGORIES, PLEASE BE CAUTIOUS WHILE READING. ALSO, FEAR FOR YOUR SANITY. FOR I HAVE NONE LEFT.

CZM: Hello, and welcome back to the Minh and Biskit show. I’m your guest-reviewer host, Crazy Minh…

Biskit: …and I’m Biskit, the guest-guest-reviewer trapped in the body of a stuffed toy!

CZM: Yeah…we’re working on that.

Biskit: Are we? I could finally be able to…

CZM: Today…oh my god. So, I know many of you will have read Lyle’s review of My Immortal, read the piece or just heard of the terribleness of that…said fic…

Biskit: …Wow…just cut me off like that every time. I’ll be fine, don’t you worry…

CZM: This one…this is a treat. Imagine My Immortal in one chapter set in the Borderlands universe, written by a person who claims quite insultingly to be autistic. Seriously, EP does it, alongside 3/5 badfic writers. I’m aspie, and it pisses me off when people use it as a excuse for lazy or otherwise terrible writing. I happen to actually have been diagnosed with Asperger’s syndrome, and while my writing isn’t of the same level as- say- Herr, it’s still pretty decent for someone whose only been writing and publishing fanfiction for two years.

Biskit: Now, we have to admit something: we both have a vendetta against this author. For one, he’s been very unreceptive to our attempts to ask if we can help, and has been downright racist at one point. I can tell you that while Minh has actually got Chinese family, he considers himself Australian. That still doesn’t make calling someone a ‘chink with bad breath’ (actual quote from the author, albeit with better grammar) acceptable. Not fucking kidding. He called my partner a chink with bad oral hygiene.

CZM: Thanks for reminding me…in any case, yeah: he’s been a asshole, and we don’t have anything in kind words to say about him/them. But despite this, we’re riffing his fiction, not the author. He’s like a less mature and less capable (if that could even be possible) version of EP. Imagine that for a second. Yeah. You wish you didn’t now, don’t you?

Biskit: We’ve gotten off track here, so let’s just get into what this is. For those of you who don’t know, Borderlands is a series of action RPG shooters set on a planet in the far future. Each game features a crack team of Vault Hunters, whose goal is to open alien vaults rumoured to contain shittons of loot and treasure. It’s gameplay is very centred around shooting and looting. There have been three ‘main’ games (Borderlands and it’s sequel Borderlands 2; as well as the spinoff ‘Borderlands: The Pre-Sequel’) as well as a mobile game (Borderlands Go) and a telltale games adaptation called ‘Tales from the Borderlands’. If you haven’t played, pick up a copy off Steam while it’s on sale. Pretty much every Christmas, they put it down from nearly $80 Australian to a fantastic price of around $20. This is for the GOTY edition of BL2 by the way, which features all the DLC, including 2 new Vault Hunters and four new mini-campaigns…

CZM: Ok, now you’re off track, AND you’re advertising a game. Not to mention that we are not affiliated with the company Gearbox, or any of it’s business partners.

Biskit: Aw…there goes my retirement benefit…anyway, this story is kinda the tamest of TAD’s stories…so let’s get into it!

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