2139: The Shadow Warriors – Chapter 19, Part 1Posted: September 16, 2018
Title: The Shadow Warriors
Author: Shadow knight1121
Topic: Justice League
URL: Chapter 19
Critiqued by BatJamags (GoodJamags)
Hello once again, patrons! I’m your host, BatJamags, and I’m back with another chapter of The Shadow Warriors, the fail pile that doesn’t stop from getting taller!
Hey, BJ should’ve used that one on the Phantom of the School.
Let’s get a move on, shall we? I’ve got a lot of energy and I’m in a good mood, so I better get my soul crushed before the situation gets out of hand. But first, here’s your chapterly news briefing:
Chapter 19: Blood Brothers part 2
Splitting chapters of a written work into parts is still pretentious.
Authors Note: Whew long ass chapter.
Well, assuming the hyphen is supposed to go where I think it’s supposed to go, then I’m glad the author’s honest about his writing quality.
Okay here it is the climax of Shadow’s story and the fight you’ve all been waiting for.
The fight where Batman beats down Edgelord and hauls him off to Arkham?
Also if I’m slow with the chapters in October it’s because I’ll be working on a child’s play fanfic for Halloween.
That’s scary for more reasons than the author probably intended.
Okay here’s the next chapter enjoy.
I promise to enjoy ripping it apart.
Also did anyone see the Robot Chicken DC Comics Special?
I didn’t. Are you going somewhere with this?
Disclaimer: Do I really need to say it?
No. No, you don’t. So don’t.
Hood reached into his coat and whipped out six razor disks and threw them both at Shadow and Batman.
Ah, he threw both of the six of them.
*Resets “__ Days Since Last Visit from the SCP Foundation” sign to 0*
Batman deflected them by swiping his cape at them as Shadow cut them down with his sword.
Batman’s cape is actually more durable than you might expect, but I’m not buying slicing the “razor disks” out of the air with a sword.
Shadow then reached up his sleeve and pulled out three small throwing knives and threw them at Hood.
Looks like he did have something up his sleeve.
Hood dodged them and let Batman take the hit.
Nah. Batman is 2fast4u.
One grazed his cheek while the other two missed.
Your aim sucks, Shadow.
He then ducked behind a nearby dumpster and slapped two mini jets to the back of it and sent it launching towards Hood.
*Sigh* Nobody tell Bifocals.
*A rocket dumpster smashes through the ceiling of the Riffcave, spilling garbage across the Extractor Pad*
Never mind. And I’m sure there’s now a giant hole through Jamags Manor that I’ll have to fix now, because god knows BJ’s too lazy to do it.
Hood scaled the wall letting the dumpster smash head on into Shadow.
Get. Me. Popcorn.
Hood then jumped off the wall only to get his feet tangled by Batman’s batclaw.
How was he on the wall, anyway?
Hood fell to the ground and let out a small laugh.
Seriously, this idiot laughs more than the Joker does.
“Oh you and your gadgets,” Hood chuckled before cutting the line with his knife and shocking the cable with his tazer. Jolts of electricity surged through the cable and sent Batman flying back a few feet. “You’re not the only one with toys.”
This author clearly has a fundamental misunderstanding of how tasers work. Unless a “tazer” is something different from a taser.
“I don’t like gadgets.” Shadow yelled on the far end of the alley. “I prefer guns.”
Yeah, because you’re a murderous freakshow and you suck.
He then pulled out two 9mm automatic glocks and fired them at Batman and Hood.
Author, I really don’t give a crap what kind of guns he’s using.
The two hid behind the corners of the alleyway as the bullets zipped past them.
And I’m guessing Edgelord’s not going to hold his fire while his targets are in cover, thereby forcing himself to reload two guns without a free hand while one of his opponents rushes him.
When his guns were empty Hood ran out from behind the corner and charged at Shadow with his knife while he tried to reload.
You suck, Shadow.
Batman took the opportunity to throw a few small frag bombs at them.
“Frag bombs?” Author, that’s called a grenade, and Batman doesn’t use them.
They rolled between the two causing them to freeze mere inches from each other.
“Crap.” The two said in union as the dived away from the small bombs.
Ooh, Edgelord and Redgelord done got blobbed.
They blew up and created a smoke screen from the rain.
Hood jumped up and started scaling the walls with his knife.
Hey, remember Life with Raptors when May Sue tried to climb a tree with a knife? This is like that, but stupider.
He then jumped over to a nearby fire escape and started to climb up to the rooftop. Batman followed him up the fire escape as Shadow did as well.
Thrill as three people go up a fire escape.
Hood eventually made it to the roof and was about to run off when Batman tackled him to the ground.
*An intern rushes in with popcorn*
*Consumes popcorn voraciously*
Hood stabbed his knife into the end of his cape unknowingly and was stuck in place. Hood began punching Batman repeatedly until Shadow jumped in and landed a kick in the center of his chest.
What just happened?
Hood was sent back before he pulled a sword and began attacking Shadow the two parried for a bit while Batman ripped his cape and pulled out two Batarangs. He charged at the two and swung his batarangs at the two. Hood leaped over Batman and retrieved his knife that was still stuck in the ground.
Alright, I think I’ve given up trying to keep track of who’s where. I’ll just wait to cheer whenever Batman does something cool. Which is basically a summary of my life, now that I think about it.
Shadow brought his sword down on Batman but he swatted the blade away with his batarangs. Shadow took a swing at Batman’s head but missed as the dark knight swept his legs knocking him on the ground.
I’d cheer, except taking down Edgelord isn’t cool. It’s to be expected.
Hood began his attack on Batman and the two fought it out. Sparks flew between the two as they attacked one another. Hood stabbed his sword at Batman but only grazed his neck as Batman took a slice at him. Hood dodged his attack and crept around Batman and brought his knife between him and his belt. Hood cut the belt and took another stab at Batman this time landing a small cut on his cheek.
Leave Batman’s cheek alone!
Shadow got to his feet and charged at Hood, Hood did a spin kick and knocked Shadow’s glasses off and knocked him onto the ground.
Woo! Show the edgy idiot why glasses are bad for hand-to-hand combat, Hood!
Shadow rubbed the bruise on his head and looked up to see Hood towering over him with his sword raised above his head.
Hm. OK, I’ll allow this, but only because Red Hood is supposed to be a villain.
Kill ‘im, Hood!
He was about to bring it down when Batman had tackled of the rooftop of the abandoned tenements and on the rooftop of a nearby church.
Shadow quickly got to his feet and grabbed his sword and leaped across the roof rejoining his adversaries.
Oh, Batman tackled Red Hood. Or he tackled , but I’m not sure what would be doing in this story. The author probably just a name.
Hood was down on the rooftop as Batman stood over him. His blades were inches away from his body as Batman walked towards him. He grabbed Hood by the collar of his coat only for Hood to send his hand up to Batman’s mask. He gripped it tight and yanked it off as Shadow rushed towards the two. Hood then spun around with his knife in hand and landed a cut on the side of his face cutting one of the straps of his mask as well. Shadow’s mask fell off as he looked over to see Bruce without his mask as well likely feeling as exposed as Jayden did right now.
Batman’s mask is usually portrayed as being closer to a helmet – not something you can just yank off.
Muffled Voice: Bow chicka bow wow!
Oh, shut up.
“Look at you two,” Hood said as he threw Bruce his mask back. “I guess we should keep it even.” He then reached into his pocket and pulled out a small black mask similar to the one he used to wear. He threw it to Jayden who caught it as Hood undid his helmet. It let out a hiss and deformed as Hood lifted it off and revealed his face.
Why is Hood’s helmet hissing? I think I know the sound effect the author’s thinking of, but it’s just a mask, not Darth Vader’s helmet or something.
“Jason Todd.” Bruce said as Hood dropped the helmet.
How long did it take you to figure that one out, world’s greatest detective?
“Yes.” He said with a grin on his face.
This is not a reveal. Since, y’know, the reveal already got revealed. Twice. Or maybe three or four times. Honestly, I lost count of how many times they melodramatically discovered that Red Hood was Jason.
“We don’t want to fight you.” Bruce said in a calm voice.
Yeah, both of you should fight Edgelord!
*Shovels more popcorn into mouth*
“All evidence to the contrary.” Jason said.
Fight! Fight! Fight!
*Om nom nom*
“Please let me help you,” Bruce pleaded. “I know what happened.”
Shadow knight1121 compiled a bunch of edgy, overwrought, and superficially cool-looking ideas and thought the resulting “character” would make a compelling protagonist?
“Oh, you got to talking with Ra’s have you?” He asked rhetorically. “Well does it make it easier for you to think that my dip in his fountain of youth turned me rabid? Or is this just the real me?”
I think this line might be jacked from canon, but I can’t say for certain. If not, it’s actually kind of an interesting moment, so minor kudos I guess?
“I talked to Talia and she said it was my blood that saved you.” Jayden said as he put on his old mask.
And there you ruined it. Seriously, did Edgelord just hijack that conversation purely to gloat about his own role in the backstory?
“Talia, oh well yes she was the one that saved me after all,” He said. “Your ‘Adonis’ power you call it reanimated my brain and fixed up all the damage and her father’s pit did the rest. I’ve spent the past few years training with her so I could be an elite assassin. Just like my little brother.”
Ooh, that’s a nice dig at Edgelord.
*Munch munch munch*
“I’m an assassin of peace,” Jayden growled. “I kill those who have no remorse for the actions they committed I do what needs to be done. I’ve seen what you did to those victims of yours. You didn’t kill them with honor or respect you fucking slaughtered them!”
*Throws more popcorn*
Edgelord takes a moral high ground about a nonsensical distinction that’s not even backed up by his prior characterization.
“Potato, Patato they all die in the end.” He grinned as his veins glowed red and kicked his helmet over to Bruce.
Well, I guess Hood’s kind of right?
He then pulled out a detonator and pushed the button causing the mask to let out a hum. Bruce had put on his mask and rolled out of the way as it blew up causing a statue on the roof to collapse on them. Jason charged at Batman and tackled him to the ground holding a knife to his throat.
Whoa, Hood’s got a ‘splodey mask?
Actually, I think that’s a thing from the comics.
Shadow then kicked him off and swung his sword at him landing a cut on his arm. Jason let out a grunt of pain as he ran towards Shadow with his own sword. They locked blades for a minute before Jason smacked his sword out of his hands and spun around him holding his sword to his throat.
Kill! Kill! Kill!
“What bothers you most about me Jayden, that I was always better than you or that I’m a far better successor of Batman than you?” Jason asked.
Jason: Or that I only suck a little and you pretty much redefine the entire concept of sucking?
“You’re taking over gang territory and slaughtering people in grotesque matters. You’re no better than Mask and just as crazy as Joker.” Jayden growled.
Poorly phrased, but technically valid.
“I’m what this city needs,” Jason retorted. “You are no different than me. You’ve killed just as many people as me.”
Another good point.
*Tosses a piece of popcorn in the air and fails to catch it in mouth*
“I kill those who are evil and who have no desire to change.” Jayden growled. “Freeze, Talia and a few others I see change. Joker, Mask and Cobblepot they are evil and deserve to be killed. I never claimed to be a hero but I am sure as shit not a monster.” Jayden then spun around and grabbed Jason’s wrist struggling for the sword. “You say you and I are alike? Not a fucking chance!”
And the same nonsensical counterargument we keep hearing.
*Throws more popcorn at the screen*
Edgelord has killed a lot of random mooks who we were never lead to believe were like that. It’s making me really sick of this nonsensical, hypocritical distinction-without-a-difference.
Jayden then sent volts of electricity through his body and through Jason’s only for it to have no effect. Jason grinned as head butted Jayden and sent him back.
Crap, is in this fight scene.
“You forgot that it was your blood that brought me back. Didn’t you think I would have obtained some of your powers?” He asked as he charged at Jayden with his sword held high.
*Grabs heaping handful of popcorn and rubs it on the screen*
Bad Edgelord! No spreading the Stu powers!
With a flick of his wrist three spikes similar to Batman’s gauntlets snapped out of Jayden’s wrist and he proceeded to block with them. After a fifth his he locked the blade in his gauntlets and the two started at each other again.
And where’s Batman in all this? Just watching?
*Passes Batman some popcorn*
“Nice little feature you got there.” Jason complimented. “What else did you steal from Batman?”
Main character privileges, spotlight, thunder, plot armor, and general focus.
So normal Stu stuff, basically.
“This move.” Jayden grinned as Jason raised an eyebrow.
Whatever happens, it’s Batman’s cool move and not Edgelord’s.
Just then Jayden pulled his wrist back and broke the blade between his gauntlets. Jason’s eyes widened as Jayden leaped in and landed a barrage of hits to Jason’s chest.
That’s an oddly specific move to steal.
Jayden was about to end it with a heavy hit to his face when Jason caught his fist and threw in on the ground.
Well, I’ve got to hand it to Jason, that was a pretty handy way of disarming Edgelord. You’d think it would be more difficult to rip someone’s hand off of their arm, but Jason didn’t even need a hand with it. I give the way he handled that situation one thumb up. Edgelord was never dangerous, and now he’s not armed, either. Let’s hear a great big hand for-
*BadJamags bursts through the floor and shoves GoodJamgs’ face in the popcorn*
BadJamags: SHUT THE FU- Ooh, is that popcorn?
*BadJamags takes the popcorn and jumps back down the hole*
His veins were glowing as red as Jayden’s as he pinned him on the ground.
INTERNS! I need more popcorn!
He knew that Jason would use his healing abilities from the Adonis to aid in his fight which is why Jayden had planned for it.
… To throw at the screen.
Jayden broke out of the hold and pulled the suppressant he had gotten off Bruce and stuck it in Jason’s neck.
Oh. Alright, author. I give you credit for well-executed foreshadowing.
Seriously, if Sk1121 could just stop sucking, he might actually be a decent writer. That’s’ probably the worst part of this whole fic.
In a matter of seconds Jason’s veins stopped glowing and Jayden took this opportunity to finish him.
He charged up his strength and delivered a punch to the center of his chest sending him flying ten feet away.
*Goes to throw popcorn and remembers he doesn’t have any*
Batman ran towards Jayden ready to take him down when he fired a bolt of electricity at him and stunned him.
And also the end of the riff because this chapter is too long to cover in one segment!
Sorry about the abrupt stop, but we’ll have to finish up this chapter next time. And hopefully the interns will get me my popcorn by then.