2107: A Branch of Burden – Chapter Seven, Part One

Title: A Branch of Burden
Author: Ravager Animas
Media: Video Game
Topic: Etrian Odyssey
Genre: Adventure/Friendship
URL: Chapter Seven
Critiqued by SC and Scarlet of Mesyth

Hello, and welcome back to “A Branch of Burden,” by Ravager Amimas! I’m your host, SC, and last time, Falahein sprung a Cunning Trap™ on the Asshole Guild, successfully incapacitating their members… save for that fucking Sniper who got away in spite of being atomic punched the fuck out by Little Miss Landsknecht. In spite of this, the mission was considered complete, and everybody went back to the inn to take a well-earned rest day (except for Vaseline, who went to get hammered).

This week, we’ve reached the last chapter of the fic: “Sisters”. This might end up being two parts, or it might not, but that remains to be seen. Important to note, however, is that this chapter is from Little Miss Runemaster’s point of view, so sayeth Ravager Animas. So that should be interesting.

“Finally! Training is done! Fiiiiiiiiiiiinally! That. Was. The. WORST!”

Scarlet: Yeah, whine harder, I put myself through ten straight years of it. And then went around picking fights with everybody for the next two hundred and ninety years.

When’d you get here? And why this fic, of all things?

Scarlet: Oh, you know, just keeping up my track record of showing up right at the end of the riff.

That happened one time. Well, two now, but previously, it was only one time.

Well, uh, brief reminder/introduction: Scarlet’s an OC of mine, he was born in a warrior country called Mesyth, used to be a scrawny albino kid who everybody made fun of, said “fuck this,” went on a ten year long super-intensive training regimen, wound up becoming a total badass, and much like Saitama from One Punch Man, his big issue now is that he’s way too good at what he does and it’s hard to find a real challenge anymore. Of course, for Scarlet, it’s less that he kills things in one punch (which he doesn’t), and more that he sort of built up a reputation of being that dude who walks into a war and destroys both armies for shits and giggles, so people are rightly scared shitless of him. Technically, he didn’t destroy either army, they mutually destroyed each other and he just happened to be the lucky survivor at the end of the battle, but it’s far more impressive to say that it was all him. The part where he outed himself as being three hundred years old is due to magic in his canon having an age-slowing effect on people who practice it, and Scarlet is an avid practitioner. According to his canon, he, his wife, and all six of his sons have been dead for a thousand years now, and several new generations of the Scarlet family have sprung up in their wake (and are various levels of crazy thanks to some rat bastard’s magical shenanigans), but here in the Library, they’re all very alive, and Scarlet, in particular, is the poor sap I shove into any canon that I think I can get away with it.

Scarlet: So far, the ones where I had the least questions were when I was some random mercenary in Skyrim, when I was fighting orcs in Mordor, and when I was fighting darkspawn. Past that, it starts getting a bit confusing how you make the connection between me and the canons. Particularly in regards to Mass Effect.

You’d be surprised how many canons can work around “badass fighter with sword and magic.” All I had to do with Mass Effect was retool it so that your sword was a more tactical short blade primarily employed in stealth, rather than a hand-and-a-half used in open combat, and your magic was biotics.

Scarlet: And my absurd longevity?

That’s a bit more involved.

Anyhow, moving on!

“Stupid training.” I quietly speak, sitting down on the bed. “I’m gonna sleep.”

“W-What? No! We can’t just go sleep like that! It’s still the afternoon!”

“I’m tired. And there is nothing to do.”

“Come on Iris. We’ll find something to do.”

“I dun wanna.”

Scarlet: Well, that looks to be your problem, right there.

There’s only nothing to do if you’re too lazy to look, Little Miss Runemaster.

Scarlet: Come again?

Oh, that’s just the nickname I’ve been calling her by this entire riff. I have one for all of the protagonist team members.

Scarlet: You wouldn’t happen to have one for me, would you?

I’m not sure how well you’d respond to “crazy motherfucker.”

Scarlet: Well, it’s certainly not inaccurate.

“Iris… Alright, alright. How about this. You get some sleep and I’ll find something to do then wake you up, sound good?”

I put my hand over my mouth as I yawn before laying down. “I guess…”

“Ok… So, I’ll be back then Iris…”

Scarlet: …She’s not coming back, is she?

The only “things to do” in Tharsis are either go to the bar, go to the shop, or go to the Labyrinth, and one of those three typically involves dying, so I’m guessing Little Miss Landsknecht is dead.

Scarlet: Hmm, usually the barkeep cuts you off before alcohol poisoning sets in.

That’s not the one where you die.

Scarlet: It would be for me, nothing else has had much luck with killing my ass.

I crawl forward, reaching the pillows on my bed as I cuddle up with them, closing my eyes.

“Hey! Wake up Iris! I found a few things we can do!”

Scarlet: Reminds me of the early years of fatherhood. All I want is some fucking sleep because I’ve been on the road for a week straight, but no, this noisy little maggot just has to bother me at all hours of the day.

And then you went and made five more of them. And all six of them wound up writing the book on “how to be a feared warlord.”

Scarlet: Not all of my life choices were good ones.

“…mgrgr…” I grumble, opening my eyes and rubbing them.

Hey, this ain’t your canon! Get out of here!

Before you ask, in the Bravely Default series, Edea Lee goes “mrgrgr” when she gets annoyed.

“So, we should totally go swimming!”

I shake my head as I look at her, very tired.

“Oh… Well, how about we go to the park?”

Once again I shake my head and the disappointment on her face shows.

I want to sleep.

“Then what about… We go learn to dance!”

Scarlet: Maybe tell her that you just want to sleep? Is talking a foreign concept to you?

“No.”

“Hmm…”

Seras continues to list things and I keep shaking my head, or saying no for things I really don’t like to do.

“Come on Iris… At least go to a play with me… I want to support my other friends who are in one tonight…”

Seras: “One of them is playing Philip Hamilton!”

Scarlet: Ouch.

I’ve listened to a lot of songs that almost made me cry, but Stay Alive is the only one to ever go the whole distance.

“I want to sleep.”

“Alright, fine. I’ll go find Quasfay, maybe she’ll want to do something.”

She pouts in defeat then walks out of the room.

Seras: “Hey, Quasfay, you wanna-?”

Scarlet: Still amped up on those steroids, I see.

Little Miss Landsknecht has a slower “coming down” period than others.

I rest my head again on the fluffy pillow, all nice and bouncy. I close my eyes again, and drift to sleep.

“I-I mean… I guess I could go…”

I open my eyes slowly, and see my sister sitting on the edge of my bed. She looks nervous.

“Really?! Thank you! It would mean so much!”

Seras: “Also, bring tissues. A lot of tissues. And please don’t sad-punch me when that scene happens.”

Little Miss Landsknecht: “You said someone dies, I promise nothing.”

I poke her butt with my toe and then cover most of my face with my sheets, except my eyes.

Scarlet: I did that to my wife once, back before we were married. She turned around and broke that foot. Ah, courtship~

So, to recap your family life, so far: You met a woman who was actively trying to kill you. You fell in love with this woman, and she broke your foot over a harmless little bit of flirting. You married this same woman, and had six sons by her. You sent your sons into the woods, alone and with only the clothes on their back, in order to teach them survival skills, and at least one of them got mauled by a bear and had to drag his half-dead ass home. Your sons all grew up to be feared warlords the world over. Have I about covered everything?

Scarlet: Cecilia likes to make wood carvings in her spare time.

Because you keep ducking out of the way of her halberd, right?

Scarlet: What? No, she uses a whittling knife and makes little figurines. Goodness, you make my family out like we’re all barbarians or something.

What.

“H-Hey! I-Iris don’t do that!”

I stick my tongue out at her and giggle.

She always freaks out when I do that.

Scarlet: Incidentally, Cecilia stuck her tongue out at me after she broke my foot, because I said something to the effect of, “Love you too, dear.”

Seriously, dude, your family life is so fucked.

Scarlet: So’s my life in general, but you don’t see me making a big deal out of it.

No, but you probably should.

“Y-You’re… You’re so silly. Don’t you want to go see her friend’s play?”

Just like before, I shake my head slowly.

I don’t want to see a play. Those are boring. I want to just relax.

Plays are boring? You’re boring, how about that?

Scarlet: Some of the ones I’ve seen could do with more realistic combat portrayals.

Yeah, the idea is that they’re not actually trying to kill one another.

Scarlet: And it is embarrassingly obvious.

“Alright, if you say so.”

“Hey Quasfay! Let’s go swimming or something before the show!”

“Swimming, huh? I haven’t done that in forever. Sure. That can be fun.”

I don’t like swimming either.

Scarlet: Sounds like you’re apt to drown at some point in your future.

…well. Not when I’m tired.

Scarlet: I once had to save my own sorry ass when I fell in a river and got caught in the current, and I was exhausted. My comment stands.

You know, not everybody lives in hell like you do.

Scarlet: Cowards.

“Yay! Today is going to be great! You sure you don’t want t-”

“No.”

“O-Okay… Come on Quasfay, let’s go!”

“Hey! You don’t gotta pull me like that!”

My sister shouts as Seras drags her out of the room.

Hopefully now I can sleep with no interruptions. For the third time I lay my head on the fluffy mountain of pillows, falling asleep.

Scarlet: One moment, please.

*Scarlet gets up and leaves the room, then returns with a pair of airhorns*

…What’re you gonna do with-

*Scarlet twirls the airhorns, then tosses them away*

Scarlet: If that doesn’t wake her up, she’s probably dead.

HOW DID YOU DO THAT WITH JUST THOSE TWO AIRHORNS?

Scarlet: Oh, it was quite difficult, let me tell-

WHAT?

My eyes slowly open as I rub them gently. Just like before. Taking a few seconds before I can actually see, I yawn quietly.

Scarlet: Huh. It worked, but not like I hoped it would.

WHAT?

Scarlet: Am I going to have to send you to a medic? Ugh, pause the riff…

~ONE VISIT TO ISHI LATER~

Scarlet: I wouldn’t have believed it if any other man had said so, but I’ll be damned, leeches in the ears seems to have solved the problem!

It was that or have Ishi amputate my ears and replace them with someone else’s ears, and I feel like that one would have been the less sanitary of the two.

There is a smile on my face, a small one. I got to sleep uninterrupted after all.

Scarlet: Damn, it didn’t work at all. What is this girl made of that she can sleep through all that racket?

Quickly I stand up and dress in something I don’t usually wear. All of these bright colors I always wear are weird. Quassy picks those out. My hat is the only thing that’s my normal.

Runemasters wear overcoats that are usually dark red, dark blue, or light blue. It’s really not that strange at all, compared to other class designs. Although, I did find and recruit a Runemaster who wore bright lime green in Etrian Mystery Dungeon – he had baby blue hair and looked ridiculous.

Scarlet: This coming from the man who keeps making white-haired characters that wear copious amounts of red.

Hey, you don’t get to bitch at me, you rock that look.

Scarlet: True enough. I’m just keeping you honest.

“I should probably go get more berries… Maybe even more of those flowers…”

Look, your guild can’t just subsist off of berries and flowers!

Scarlet: The same berries that the shop willingly bought for ten ental a berry, and the same flowers used in the creation of vital curatives, you mean?

…You… you just shut the fuck up.

Slowly I start walking out the building, breathing in the fresh air.

I really do like the fresh air. The outside is nice. A lot of people don’t think I like it though.

Scarlet: Yes dear, that’s nice, nobody cares.

I keep walking and walking.

Some say she’s still walking to this day.

Scarlet: Or she drowned, because she eventually walked into the ocean.

Nah man, she’s just walking around the Deep City now.

Before I even realize it, I’m in the Cargo Wharf. This walk seems so short sometimes.

I mean, it takes all of two seconds to select it in the main menu, so you’re not wrong.

“Eyo Iris! Salemin’s all ready for yeh!”

“Ok Ciara.”

“Haha, yuh never gonna learn, huh? It’s Ciaran.”

“Ciara sounds better.” I stick out my tongue, mocking him.

“Maybe for a pet name!”

“You’d be a silly pet. Your voice is funny.”

That’s because he’s Australian, you racist.

O hai, Ciaran!

So, Ciaran is the wharfmaster of Tharsis. That fancy skyship your guild pilots? That’s his handiwork, and if you break it, he’ll fucking destroy you. Ciaran’s the guy you go to when you’re looking to upgrade your skyship. Apart from that, he’s also the dude you go to when you’re looking to trade QR codes with other players, kind of like how certain Sea Quests in EO3 requires more than one player to complete, because Atlus believed that Etrian Odyssey had a large enough audience to field multiplayer and co-op elements. They were wrong, of course, even in Japan, where the games are much more popular, but good on them for being optimistic. That said, avid fans of the games do actually try to make use of these functions, so they’re not completely worthless. But for a dude like me, who has no friends IRL, none online that play Etrian Odyssey, and who lives in the backwater parts of Northern California? Yeah, QR codes don’t mean shit to me. This means that I miss out on a lot of treasure and quests, but meh, fuck it, I can beat the game just as well without them.

I feel a hand on my head and I close my eyes and pout, silently.

“You be safe now, you hear?” Ciaran says softly.

Nodding, I leave, heading over to our ship. The Wharf has so many different ships… It’s scary.

This ship looks like ours… But the tag says that it isn’t. I gotta keep look- There it is.

Who knew that looking for your skyship is like looking for your car at the mall?

Scarlet: And people get on my case for walking everywhere. At least I don’t have to pretend that I remember parking in the furthest back column, in the very last space, at the far end of the lot from the store I was shopping at.

I spring into action, speeding over to our ship.

I look over at the tag, ‘Falahein’. This is it.

Scarlet: I think you need to get your head checked, if you’re having this much difficulty verifying the vehicle you literally use every single day.

Heading into the ship, I set up everything needed.

After a minute or so, the ship heads out of the Cargo Wharf.

The chilled air blows through my hair. I put my hand on my hat to keep it from flying off as the skyship travels through the air.

But in the process, she forgets to hang on to the handrails, and so flies off the skyship herself.

Scarlet: It’s the overcoat, it just picks up all that wind.

I’ve seen this sight so much, but I never get tired of it.

The beautiful ocean, the fish dancing within, the breeze blowing through the trees and grass.

It’s calming.

The only time you see the ocean in EO4 is in the Windy Plains, and that part of the map is off limits because it goes out of Tharsis, which is counter to your goal of reaching the Tharsis Yggdrasil. Little Miss Runemaster, where the fuck are you going?

I close my eyes, and sit down, watching the scenery go by.

Scarlet: Meanwhile, back in the city: “WHAT DO YOU MEAN SHE FLEW OFF TO ETRIA?!”

It’s actually a relatively short trip to the Lush Woodlands.

Sure, if you follow the river and stay the fuck away from the Bounding Beasts.

The airship starts to descend, entering a clearing before the entrance to the labyrinth.

I patiently wait for it to make a full stop at the bottom before I leave the airship.

“Thank you Mr. Ship. I’ll be back soon.” Waving at the ship, I descend the flight of stairs excitedly.

Scarlet: The ship then proceeds to flip her off and fly away.

“I have to get more berries. And some of those flowers. Wait!” My legs start moving as I sprint back up the staircase and enter the Skyship once again. I quickly grab the forgotten rucksack. “I can’t leave you. How can I carry everything if I don’t have anywhere to put it?” Once again, I descend the flight of stairs cheerfully.

Scarlet: Well, you could always use your hat.

Or she could put the berries in her boot and have jam by the time she made the return trip home.

Scarlet: I don’t think anybody would want to eat stank-jam out of a boot.

The woodlands lives up to its name. Everything is just so gorgeous here. I really do like this place. It’s so soothing.

I move forward, and onto the invisible path I etched into my memory. This path always brings me to the berries.

I almost forgot.

I halt my movements, and place my bag on the floor, opening the bigger section. I reach inside, pulling out a small metal bell connected to a long string, like a necklace. Looking at it for a few seconds first, I put it around my neck, and close up my bag.

Warding bells are so helpful. It keeps the stupid monsters away so I can travel here by myself.

Warding Bells are, as indicated, an item which lowers the odds of a random encounter for a certain number of steps. Key word, “lowers,” not “eliminates.” Throughout the series, certain classes have had similar skills, but the general consensus among Etrian Odyssey veterans is, “I can invest points in a skill which will prevent me from earning EXP? Fuck that.”

For resource gathering teams, having such abilities is only common sense, but in the case of your primary exploration team, it’s perfectly understandable that you don’t want skills that lower the odds of enemy encounters, because these games can and will dick you over at the first excuse, due to the fact that Atlus hates you.

Cutting out the next bit here, because it’s just Little Miss Runemaster picking berries.

“Why do you need three categories for them?”

A voice comes up behind me, startling me for a second. I turn my head, looking at a hooded figure.

“You’re not an enemy today?” I quietly ask, giving her a serious stare.

“No, I am not here to spill blood.”

“Good. That stuff is stupid.”

Ah, this’ll be the Sniper from the Asshole Guild who got thunderpunch’d by Little Miss Landsknecht last chapter, then.

Scarlet: She looks a bit different, what with that massive fist-shaped dent in her skull.

Eh, I’m sure she suffered no lasting damage from that.

She nods, then continues. “So, would you care to explain the three sections?”

“These on the right are just regular berries.” I pick one berry from the right pile and hold it in my hand. “This one is for the super ripe ones. They have a lot of juice in them, and if held incorrectly, you’ll pop them. So they have to be in this towel for carrying things that are super delicate. They’re rare, so you want to preserve each one.” I lift up one of those berries as well, and let it roll onto my palm alongside the other one. “These ones are bad. They are poisonous. So you want to avoid eating them.”

“Wait, really? I thought those berries were entirely safe?”

…

You’re a fucking Survivalist wannabe and you don’t know how to differentiate poisonous flora from safe flora.

Scarlet: Well, she spent all her time trying to figure out how dual-wielding bows works, you see.

Her voice is soft and quiet, somewhat hard to hear from where she is. But that’s ok.

“It’s not deadly, unless you eat a bunch them. The others get rid of the poison in your body. So if you eat a bunch of them, you’d be alright. Here.” I hold my palm out toward the hooded girl.

“Huh? No, I couldn’t take those. They’re yours.”

“That didn’t stop you before.”

My words hit the sniper as she takes a step back. Regret showing on her face.

“Well…”

“So take it.”

Scarlet: Nice diss.

Okay, my opinion of Little Miss Runemaster might be taking a drastic turn, if she keeps slamming out these sick burns.

She stares at my hand for a minute, before finally moving over and picking the berries from my palm. She holds one, looking at it closely, before putting it in her mouth.

“That was the juicy one?”

“No. The other one is.”

“Really? The one I just had was really juicy…”

Little Miss Runemaster: “That was the poisonous one.”

Asshole Guild Sniper: “…Oh, you bitch.”

Cutting out another chunk here, as it’s yet more berry picking.

“Where is the rest of your guild?”

“Tharsis. Watching some boring play.”

“A play?”

“Yeah. Our medic was an actor. The group she was with was doing some story. I didn’t want to go, even though my sister tried to make me.”

Scarlet: As I recall, you were being rather contrary about that.

“You have a sister too?”

“Our leader. She’s the one who freaks out over stuff.”

“The one who went after me…” She spoke quietly, under her breath.

Yeah, you know, the one who left you looking like this:

“Hmm?”

“Nothing.”

I heard what she said, but it’s funny seeing people never own their words.

“You should meet them. They’re nice people.”

“I don’t believe that is the best idea.”

Asshole Guild Sniper: “Your sister literally beat my fucking face in, and you want me to meet her of my own volition?”

Little Miss Runemaster: “:D”

Asshole Guild Sniper: “I’m starting to think being nice to you was a bad idea.”

“They’ll get over it.”

Scarlet: Oh yes, you only tried to kill them twice and aided in the theft of all but the clothes on their backs, that’s easily forgiven, you know.

“Even still, it does not sound like a good idea.”

“Alright. What are you gonna do now though, now that your guild is gone.”

“That wasn’t my guild. I don’t have a guild.”

“You don’t have a guild?”

“No. I go with guilds and groups occasionally, when they hire my services. But I am still not with any guilds.”

Ah, I see one of your old students is in this fic, Scarlet.

Scarlet: She’s no student of mine, otherwise she’d only be using one bow and slaughtering kingdoms with it.

I suppose I should explain: At some point in Scarlet’s life, his reputation grew to the point where he couldn’t go anywhere without people throwing themselves at him to be his students. This is largely how House Scarlet wound up having an army comprised of finely-honed Fuck You under their command, a thousand years down the line.

“Why not?”

“Finding my sister is more important than a guild.”

“You lost your sister?”

“Yes… And I’m going to find her.”

“Why not ask for help?”

“It’s not right to drag others into my business.”

“Was it right to help a bunch of thieves and rob people?”

“No, now stop it with all the questions.”

Asshole Guild Rando Mercenary Sniper: “And quit rubbing my crimes in my face!”

Little Miss Runemaster: “Quit committing crimes for me to rub your face in.”

I look at her face, seeing the frown on her lips. I pick up another berry, moving it to her lips, as she gently eats it.

Glasses: Go ooooon?

Hey! Get the fuck out of here!

*SC spritzes Glasses with a water bottle; Glasses hisses and runs away*

Scarlet: I’m curious why she didn’t just bury that enormous axe in your skull.

That puts her in time out.

Scarlet: …What is she, a three year old?

Yes. And also an adult. And also a cat. It’s complicated.

She didn’t get any rare berries. All of hers were regular ones. This should cheer her up a bit, I hope.

Just like Vassy, I place my hand on her head and pet her. Her face flushes red and she looks at me weirdly.

“What are you doing?” Her voice is a bit off.

“Vassy does this. And it calms people down.” I find myself answering, unsure of what it really does.

“I… I see. Well, thank you.”

“It’s fun. It’s ok.”

*Glasses peeks back in cautiously*

I’m still holding the bottle.

*Glasses runs away*

Skipping a bit of this next part, because it’s yet another retelling of the story of Alice the Farmer and how she’s more awesome than you.

“What’s your sister’s name?”

“… NoName.”

“Hmm, ok.”

Scarlet: Well, that’s certainly a name.

But is it really, though?

She should have just answered me. Oh well.

Your guildmates recently beat her face in, and you think it’s odd that she doesn’t trust you with the identity of her sister?

I stand up, the girl’s eyes quickly focusing on me.

“You’re done here?”

“Mmhm. I’m going to make my way to the second floor to get this flower that grows down there.”

“And you’re going by yourself?”

She looks at me, making a face of surprise.

I simply nod. “Unless you want to go.”

“It’s way too dangerous for a runemaster to go on their own. They can get outnumbered way too easily. That’s not smart at all.”

Relax, she has plot armor, she’ll be fine.

“If you’re so worried, then just come along.”

“H-Hey! Wait a minute! I never said I was worried… I’m just saying it isn’t a good idea…”

She looks down, packing up all her stuff. I extend my hand to her and help her up.

“Alright, look. I’ll go with you. But it’s only because I’d feel awful if someone died since I didn’t stop them.”

“If that’s what you want to believe. Come on, let’s go.”

And that’s where I’ma cut it off for now.

Thanks for reading, folks, and stay tuned for next time! I don’t know if the next part will be the finale or not, because this chapter is actually kinda long compared to the other ones, but either way, we’re getting closer to the end of this riff! In the meantime, I’m SC, and on behalf of Scarlet of Mesyth, I’ll see you next time!

…So, are you really gonna stick around through the rest of this riff?

Scarlet: I’ve got nothing better to do, so why not?

But you’ve seen what I’m working with. This doesn’t really seem up your alley.

Scarlet: Neither did the misadventures of a little boy in a foreign country, but that didn’t stop you from dragging me into that mess.

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