2011: Wronger, Weirder, Faster, Stronger — Chapter 9 and Reviews

Title: Velocius et Fortius
Author: ChaosSpartan575
Media: Video Game
Topic: Mass Effect
Genre: Adventure/Drama
URL: Chapter 9 and The Reviews
Critiqued By: AdmiralSakai and Specialist Adrian Sevarra

Hello hello all you patrons, and welcome back to the ‘fic formerly known as Velocius et Fortius!

Last time we saw the end of the unnaturally-extended Feros arc, although considering how little time was dedicated to actually dealing with the Thorian it’d really be better to refer to it as the everybody-be-amazed-by-the-uncontrollable-’berzerking’-Shepard-on-Feros arc. Eventually the rest of the crew did manage to sedate her and subsequently calm her down, although this involved a pointless cameo from Legion that fortunately nobody had to actually directly acknowledge.

Meanwhile on the Citadel, it was revealed that the batarian Nikita Chruscov and her Cerberus pals “interrogated” was part of some sort of vague biological terrorist plot to infect an unknown number of people related to the Council with ‘batarian plague’, which is apparently completely treatable without ill effects. Oh yeah, and also some random gang members are trying to team up with Nyreen Kandros to push those stupid ‘Dark Stars’ guys off of Omega and hopefully also do something about The Daughter Of Dracula and her weird psychopath kid.

And all of that brings us to Chapter 9.

I hope you all enjoy this chapter.

Don’t worry, we won’t.”

Reviews and criticism are welcome as always.

Ch.9

As they sat down in the War Room for the debriefing, Kaidan was the first to speak, “Ma’am now that you have the cipher, is the vision you received on Eden Prime any clearer?” Kaidan asked.

“Not at the moment, but Shiala said it would take time for it to fully take root,” Shepard looked around the room, “In the meantime the trail has gone cold. There has been no activity from Saren or his followers.”

Well that sounds like a call for Pointless Filler if I ever saw one…

“Does that mean we get a little time off Commander?” Joker asked over the comm.

Does Joker just… always listen in on senior-officer debriefings? Seems like a bit of a security risk to have your pilot doing that.

“While that would be welcome relief I have received orders from Hackett. A training base’s V.I. has gone rogue and we are needed to shut it down… the hard way.”

“…

You were right about the pointless filler thing.”

Weird that the krogohumans still have a VI and didn’t just ship up a few dozen saber cats or whatever.

Shepard didn’t the dejected face of her crew.

She did, however, accidentally a word.

The entire Normandy crew has a single face?”

“Sounds fun,” Wrex, the only one who seemed excited spoke up, “I’ve always wondered how you humans train your young.”

*Adrian braces for incoming exposition.*”

Kaidan shook his head, “It won’t be that fun, and this facility is just where youths who have recently passed their initial training with their firearms hone their skills. Although the advanced courses may have rocket drones.”

“Like I said, it sounds fun.”

That also sounds like a big facility if everyone is supposed to go through it right after Basic. Which makes me wonder why there’s an experimental VI in it, and why it’s on Earth’s moon.”

Shepard held up her hand to silence the room getting straight to business, “There are three facilities, I am dividing us into two teams. Each team will take a facility, clear it out and we’ll meet up at the last one to take out together. Any questions?”

What’s so different about the third facility that you need double the manpower?”

No one voiced any so Shepard continued, “Alright then, Wrex, Ashley, Tali and myself will be team one.” She looked at Kaidan, “Kaidan, you, Liara, and Garrus, will make up the second team.”

So we’ve got one fireteam of four guys and one of three, and the team of four guys has three hardened infantrymen in Williams, Shepard, and Urdnot set up around a single combat engineer while the three-man team has Garrus Vakarian- who specializes more in long-range marksmanship anyway- protecting two squishy biotic/tech specialists. In close quarters.

For the Spirits’ sake, I spent about two thirds of my mandatory tactics course in Basic tripping quads in the back corner, and even I can tell this is lopsided.”

Actually, just what is Liara supposed to bring to this fight? She’s an archaeologist, not a roboticist or AI researcher, so I don’t think she’s going to have many usable insights when it comes to the drones.

“Commander,” Joker said over the comm again, “We will reach Luna in Thirty Minutes.”

“And Mars in Thirty Seconds.”

“Thank you Joker,” she looked at her team, “Let’s get this show on the road.”

Liara felt nervous as she put on her combat suit.

Armor.

It’s called armor.”

Or possibly amour.

The last time she went out, she had to help incapacitate a human berzerker. She noticed Ashley as she walked into view.

Instead of noticing her while she was still out of sight.”

Despite being dressed in heavy armor, she wore it like a second skin. It had white armored plates with a dark pink under suit.

But not red, of course.”

Private Donut would be so proud…

Her helm’s dark pink omni-plume displayed transversely instead of longitudinally like Shepard’s and Kaidan’s.

Omni… plume?”

So I guess I was right about the ‘Roman-style’ armor mentioned previously having the fur plume on top.

Whooopeeeee…

Also, for someone who had to resort to the term ‘spiral-like effect’ to describe the functioning of a mass driver weapon, ChaosSpartan sure doesn’t seem to have any problem using ‘transversely’ and ‘longitudinally’ here when simply ‘side-to-side’ and ‘back-to-front’ would probably have been more comprehensible.

Also also, Ash’s helmet is like a plumed Roman helmet except the plume runs sideways? Was that ever actually a thing?

And that still doesn’t explain what’s ‘omni’ about it.”

Liara didn’t understand why officer’s would announce themselves on the field in such a fashion.

I know, pretty stupid, isn’t it?”

She had made a fool of herself earlier by assuming that humans processed short life spans

Why would she assume that? I mean, it’d be one thing if she assumed their life spans were close to the galactic average, but why would she think they were like salarians or vorcha?

Actually, for that matter, does a well-traveled doctor of archaeology really not know basic xenobiology?

only to learn that they in fact lived two and half times longer than the asari. It felt strange to know that she will be outlived.

Considering how much dumb shit these humans get up to, I doubt it.”

Her armor fully on, she walked out ready to help however she could. Wrex turned to her, “T’soni, have the asari developed a way to breath in vacuum that we don’t know about?”

No, silly, that’s the sort of thing the humans would inexplicably do!

Liara didn’t quite understand until, she saw Ashley tap the side of her own helm. Liara blushed fiercely as she caught on and ran back to fetch her missing helmet. She was grateful that it hid her face and her embarrassment. Wrex nodded. The rest of the squad arrived with Garrus the last to stand and face the door cargo bay door.

Why does the Normandy have an entire cargo bay dedicated to doors? Have they secretly been running supplies to BatJamags?

He said something about how he had to make a last minute calibration to sniper rifle.

STOP IT STOP IT STOP IT STOP IT STOP IT

Joker maneuvered the Normandy directly above the training facility. The door of the bay opened and mass effect field turned in its place to keep the air from venting into space. Shepard and Ashley jumped down first securing the drop and followed by Garrus and Tali. Wrex and Kaidan jumped next both landing with relative ease leaving only her standing there. Shepard motioned for her to jump as well and made some military based hand gestures she didn’t understand. She waved uncertainly earning an eye roll from the Commander. She jumped and used her biotics to land gracefully. The teams parted ways to each training ground. Liara felt only apprehension as Kaidan jumped in first, followed by Garrus and herself.

Ok, I’ll admit, typos aside, this bit and the thing with the helmet up above are actually some nice characterization for Liara, seeing her kind of fumble around outside of her comfort zone and not be familiar with the sort of things the professional soldiers in the group take for granted. Although it’s a little weird that we don’t see the same sort of thing going on with Tali.

Wrex rolled out the way

Just as long as he can still sho us it.

as more machinegun rounds impacted in the floor next to him. Rolling was not an easy thing for a krogan, so he used his biotics to push himself on his feet and shot at the drone that fired at him. He laughed, “Damn, this is fun. I knew you humans were capable of it, even for species that can’t get drunk.” Wrex took a look around the room, at the least the humans didn’t worry about decorating their training grounds.

“Really! ‘Cause I thought they’d be big on the whole ‘skulls and hides’ thing.”

The slivery metal walls had pocket marks from the live ammunition being thrown at them made it seem rather bland

The term, Wrex, is underdescribed.

compared to a Salarian base that he had to break into one time to kill a rogue STG operative.

Isn’t that the sort of thing the STG would handle themselves, instead of hiring a krogan mercenary?”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Ashley asked while firing on another drone with her assault rifle.

“Well for one, you’re all too serious. Even turians have fun every now and then. I have not seen once on the Normandy were you cut loose.” Wrex charged a drone and smacked sending it swirling back into another.

“… ‘swirling’???”

Just be glad it wasn’t DUMMENSHINAL WHIRLS.

And/or a spiral-like effect.

He then fired on the two of them.

Friendly fire, Wrex! Friendly fire!”

Not that I’m complaining.

“You obviously never have been on a human shore leave. The unable to get drunk part is not threw a lack of effort. Maybe if ryncol was more potent?” Ashley jumped in the air unsheathing her greatsword and slicing down on two drones cutting both in half.

“why”

What I want to know is why two drones were flying around one directly on top of the other.

“Hah!” Wrex said conceding her point. He then threw a warp at another drone. Three more appeared

Oh.

Wow.

I’m on the edge of my seat.”

followed by a green biotic blur, revealing Shepard. Who then blasted two with her shotgun and kicked the third into the wall. It exploded on impact. “What the hell?” Wrex said staring at Shepard.

“Commander,” Ashley said uncertainly, “You feeling alright, because you’re looking a little… green?”

Shepard stopped and looked at her biotic aura surrounding her. It was in fact was green in color.

Oh god! The Tiberians (who have nothing to do with Command & Conquer)! They’ve returned!!!!

“Huh,” Shepard said not noticing a drone sneaking up behind her.

Which is totally a thing that drones do.

It was about to fire when it sizzled as an overload baked its circuitry.

Tali stepped out from behind cover, “As fascinating as Shepard’s biotics are right now, I don’t think we have the time to… What is it you humans say? Ooh and ah?”

And yet, ooing and aahing is the whole reason this chapter exists.

“Then let’s go, these drones aren’t going to explode by themselves.” Wrex said

No, because then where would we have our filler?!

stomping into the next part of the course with Ash and Tali. Shepard stared at her aura for a few seconds

Is that even a thing you can do? I thought the lights pretty much went away when you weren’t using your biotics.”

before following.

“Huh?” she said again.

They had to keep their helmets on as they walked into the final training ground. The A.I. had decided vent the atmosphere in an attempt to deter them. Kaidan noticed that Liara was a decent fighter and her biotics were impressive back at the other training facility. With training, the young archeologist could be a force to be reckoned with. He had also read reports of her fighting off pirates who were looking for an easy relic to steal in the traverse while digging for prothean ruins.

Aaaaand we’ve just managed to completely undercut Liara’s aforementioned actually-neat characterization.

Garrus was a crack marksman, better than even Ashley although he would never say that to her face. He knew most turians went through basic training and served in the military for five years. Yes, only five.

Umm… no. Turian ‘military service’ (which I’d always assumed started out as basically a more disciplined live-in version of high school) begins at fifteen and ends at thirty. So either they remain in training until they are twenty-five, or that statement is absolute bullshit.

Garrus seemed to be way above the average rank and file of the standard turian soldier. The fact he managed to hold his own along with Tali on Feros said much.

I’m not sure, but I feel like I should be pissed.”

As they walked into the first room of the course, they were almost immediately smarmed by a clutter of drones.

Well, at least they didn’t get smoozed by a clouder of cats…

More than half were firing missiles at the group forcing them to scatter. Shepard threw a green warp, killing one of drones… wait green?

This

He decided that could wait as he activated his Omni-shield and shielded himself and Tali from a barrage of missile and machinegun fire. The shield would not have held had he not supplemented it with his biotics.

Kaiden decided he could wait for… what? For the drones to get bored?”

Tali leaned out and fired her shotgun at one of the rocket drones which was shredded as the powerful weapon’s shot breached it shields. What happened Kaidan would remember as long as he lived. The drone exploded knocking another out whack firing on another. The third one exploded and Kaidan had to hazard a guess that some sharp metal got caught in the barrel of a fourth causing it explode as well sending a fifth ricocheting off Wrex’s face were it fell to the floor and exploded and a machine gun drone that was caught in the blast twirled and fired into another, killing that one and damaging another. The damaged one fell to the ground and exploded sending more drones that just entered the room flying back and firing into one another. Everyone’s head moved with the destruction as the drones flew about the room as they kept on inadvertently killing each other off. It the end only smoking drones and parts littered the floor.

“…

Whut.”

Once again, I feel compelled to mention that this is not a parody ‘fic.

Tali put a hand on her faceplate, “Oh keelah, was that me?”

Just then the last three drones to enter were taken out by a single shot by Garrus who was unaware of Tali’s domino shot. “Alright! Scoped and Dropped! Three in one shot! I would like to see anyone beat that.”

“I think Tali already did?” Kaidan said surveying the all the dead and destroyed drones on the training ground.

Oh, yeah, ‘cause Spirits forbid a turian ever do anything worthwhile in one of these…”

What exactly differentiates a ‘destroyed’ drone from a ‘dead’ one?

Ashley stepped out from behind cover with Shepard and Liara, “I didn’t even get a chance to fire my gun,” her tone disbelieving. She looked down at Tali, “One shot?”

Tali shrugged, “Ahhh, yes… I guess that mod Shepard gave me packed quite a punch.” Her own tone held disbelief as well.

Well that’s what happens when you load your weapon with Contrivance Rounds.

Wrex started laughing very hard, “In over 700 years, I’ve never seen a shot like that and I doubt I ever will see such a thing again.” He continued laughing into the next room followed by the rest of the squad.

Shepard tapped Kaidan’s shoulder getting his attention, “Tell me you had your helmet cam on.”

“They are always…” he paused catching her meaning. He chuckled, “I see,” he said looking at Tali. “Extranet?”

“Extranet,” Shepard confirmed.

With everyone congratulating Tali, they failed to notice Garrus still standing were he made three in one shot with the equivalent of a turian frown on his face. He sighed as he walked to catch up with the group, “Great, I make one of the best shots of my life and I am out done by a Quarian with a shotgun.”

Well, that was…

Stupid?”

I was going to go with ‘pointless’, but yours works too.

A/N: I am going to be fixing this story up a bit in places so it may be a while before I post on this particular story.

And while I kind of wanted to do this at the end of the story, the next chapter is long enough that it will probably take up an entire riff and not leave room, so… I thought it would be a good idea to go over some of Velocius et Fortius’s reviews. This isn’t all of them; there are 59 not counting my own and roughly two thirds of them are just ‘good story’ or ‘you need to work on your grammar’, which – smarming clutters of drones notwithstanding – was honestly not that bad; while maybe five or six mentioned points I have already brought up in the riff.

The rest, though…

Also note that I am not anonymizing or sanitizing these- I am linking to profiles. Because these people are as much guilty of Velocius et Fortius’s insanity as ChaosSpartan is, if not more so:

The point of ME canon is not that the other species are better than humans, it is that they BELIEVE they are and get pissy because humanity constantly out-matches them in their own specialties.

-“Axcel”, who reviewed anonymously and thus has no profile to link to. Which is a shame, because I bet there’d be a lot of good riff material on there.

The council is a useless form of government. I can’t wait for Humanity to smash the Batarians like I smash a hot chick. Long and hard.

JimmyHall24, posting from within a pile of fetid, reeking Neon Genesis Evangelion dakimakura.

I love this story, hoping to see another like it from you someday without the canon characters in the ME universe. I reread it again, and the use of historical characters and OC’s was awesome.

I never understand why more people don’t use this. When you read about Shepard you already know them, it would have been great to read about more of the fictional kids of famous families.

ShadowCub

With the exception of Dracula the historical characters were basically confined to that one big list that had zero relevance to anything, and more people don’t use that idea because it makes no sense.

Humans only seem to be semi-militaristic, they seem to be missing the crucial imperialistic tendencies of militarism. Which is a shame, as that would make the story much better. This humanity is far too predictable, and far too obedient to the Citadel. Shouldn’t the humans detest the Asari? They go against everything a human stands for.

Lord Asmodeus, who isn’t satisfied with the krogohumans being merely proto-fascist.

I really like the story but I’m not seeing the warrior aspect here. I see ME characters doing what ME characters do. Very interesting. Just thought it would be more AU. Than another telling of the Reapers.

ShadowCub. Again.

“How can he not see the ‘warrior aspect’? It’s literally all these fuckers ever talk about.”

To the exclusion of the Reapers, in fact!

Nice story but real warriors don’t compromise. There is really no reason for the humans to be there or part of the Council. That’s like asking the Klingon’s to power down.

The Return Of The Revenge Of ShadowCub Episode 3: The Cubbening, this time making a very good point that would lead in completely the opposite direction likely intended.

No reason for the humans to be there indeed!

As long as there is no hooking up with aliens, I’m good.

ShadowCub IV: Shadowier And Cubbier

What’s so wrong with aliens??”

Nothing.

Shipfics featuring aliens, on the other hand…

Please don’t take this the wring way.

I like where you’re going with the story, but please find someone to proofread for grammar and punctuation. Chapters two and three are riddled with grammatical errors and misused/missing punctuation. It makes it difficult to maintain immersion when I’m running across error after error of this type.

McDouggal, who is operating on either like 80 consecutive levels of irony here or exactly –1.

Batarians *snort* you know I love Mass Effect but everybody is constantly whining over something. So the SIU Terrorist? Shepard Vanguard? I love playing a Vanguard

Michae1ange1o (those are numeral ones, not ‘l’s), who loves playing a Vanguard and is otherwise alarmingly nonspecific about what exactly everybody is whining about, what he thinks of batarians, or what if anything he wants the SIU terrorist to be or do.

To start of with, I think you have written an excellent first chapter with only the bare minimum of gamma problems.
Secondly I think this will be an epic AU and I really do hope you’ll continue with this. I really liked how you balanced out humanity’s superior people with their inferior technology compared to the Turians and how each human clan has a unique quality.
Thirdly It will be an exiting time when humans have to deal with slavery, be it the Batarian Hegemony or maybe even the indentured service of Illium.
Lastly I do so hope that there will be peace between the Allied Clans and the Citadel Council, even if it is tenuous.

Scorpio-666, who thinks the first chapter has seen minimal exposure to ionizing radiation, hopes for peace, and somehow picked up on the unique and interesting traits of all of the various Clans which I guess must have been written into the ‘fic in code because we sure as hell never found them.

Well this is an interesting story, I can’t wait to see what will happen with the negotiations and I totally agree with your view on the batarians, I can’t understand why you would allow their slave system to continue in cannon. It’s only one race… how strong can they be against the full might of the salarians, turians and asari fleets if you just want to destroy their slave rings and mercenary/pirate groups. Another thing I don’t understand is the situation with the quarians, to ban a whole race, generations later than the cause of the ban, to space and discrimination is maybe another point you can use to deny other adaptions to the negotiations as prove that they are not perfect, aren’t better or know better.

I really want to see what’s going to happen next, it’s something new, maybe a bit too much but still can’t wait to see more.

Baracudaz, who doesn’t understand the scope of a Council invasion of the Terminus Systems, forgets that while the Council did nothing to help the quarians they did not directly force them off of Rannoch, and makes some sort of point about adapting negotiations and someone not being better that I honestly cannot follow.

Regardless, come back next time to witness squick, teenage angst, and PSYCHOKINETIC NAZIS.


89 Comments on “2011: Wronger, Weirder, Faster, Stronger — Chapter 9 and Reviews”

  1. SuperFeatherYoshi says:

    The council is a useless form of government. I can’t wait for Humanity to smash the Batarians like I smash a hot chick. Long and hard.

    r/ihavesex/ material, right there.

  2. Anne Eyewitness says:

    “That also sounds like a big facility if everyone is supposed to go through it right after Basic. Which makes me wonder why there’s an experimental VI in it, and why it’s on Earth’s moon.”

    Because if it wasn’t on the moon with an experimental VI in it, then the author might have to come up with something original instead of directly plagiarising the actual game.

  3. Anne Eyewitness says:

    What happened Kaidan would remember as long as he lived.

    However, everyone else would forget after about five minutes.

  4. Anne Eyewitness says:

    She looked down at Tali, “One shot?”

    Tali shrugged, “Ahhh, yes… I guess that mod Shepard gave me packed quite a punch.” Her own tone held disbelief as well.

  5. Anne Eyewitness says:

    Her own tone held disbelief as well.

    She couldn’t believe the human technology had actually worked.

  6. ME-Iron-Maiden says:

    The sideways plume on the helmet was a thing for Roman Centurions to distinguish them from the rank and file they commanded.

    Still pointless, as is basically everything in this fic.

  7. Anne Eyewitness says:

    The council is a useless flawed, but ultimately useful form of government. I can’t wait for Humanity to smash the Batarians like I smash a hot chick. Long and hard. Never, but if they did it would somehow be very disappointing.

    Fixed a few errors.

  8. SC says:

    The point of ME canon is not that the other species are better than humans, it is that they BELIEVE they are and get pissy because humanity constantly out-matches them in their own specialties.

    Okay, so anybody who’s ever played Mass Effect knows this is a crock of crap, right? I’m not going crazy?

    • ME-Iron-Maiden says:

      You’re not crazy. Pallin and Liara flat out say that humans are much more aggressive and restless than other Citadel species due to our drive to constantly get better/get on par with the rest of the galactic community. This translates into humanity being perceived as impatient bullies who muscled our way into getting in a couple decades what all other species took centuries to get (and some like the Elcor and Volus still haven’t achieved yet).

  9. SC says:

    The council is a useless form of government. I can’t wait for Humanity to smash the Batarians like I smash a hot chick. Long and hard.

    Yes, because the pro-humanity government a renegade Shepard puts in power at the end of ME1 is totally more competent, what with their heads crammed fully into their own asses and all.

    Much like the reviewer, in fact, with their pointless ego stroking at the end, there.

  10. SC says:

    I love this story, hoping to see another like it from you someday without the canon characters in the ME universe. I reread it again, and the use of historical characters and OC’s was awesome.

    I never understand why more people don’t use this. When you read about Shepard you already know them, it would have been great to read about more of the fictional kids of famous families.

    The last fic we riffed where someone did something like this (specifically, the “historical figures in game canon” part of it) was that XCOM fic where humans developed the technology to resurrect long-dead war heroes in an effort to bolster their strength against the alien invasion.

    We had a field day over how astoundingly bad of an idea this was, because only like one guy out of the entire group who got rezzed could provide an ideal skillset for XCOM operatives, and that was because he was Simo Hayha, the most deadly sniper in history. Everybody else was a warrior trained in long-obsolete combat methods compared to those that the aliens and XCOM operatives were using, and were expected to adapt to centuries worth of technological advance.

    One of them was Joan of Arc.

    Joan of fucking Arc.

    • ME-Iron-Maiden says:

      And Joan of Arc was not a combatant, but more of a spiritual leader/morale booster. She was on the battlefield to inspire the troops, not take up arms alongside them and had a dedicated group of soldiers detailed to protect her from harm.

      • SC says:

        Hell, we didn’t even think of that one. We were more concerned with the centuries of language barrier she’d have to work through just to understand what the fuck those noises were that people were making.

  11. SC says:

    Nice story but real warriors don’t compromise.

    Your definition of a “real warrior” is a dead man.

    • ME-Iron-Maiden says:

      Pretty much. The difference between a warrior and a thug is the warrior knows when it’s time to fight and when to just chill.

      And if you think about it… all the warriors that refused to compromise actually did end up dying, historically speaking. The warriors smart enough to know when to chill and be cool survived long enough to breed while the “no compromise” types tended not to. Think of it as Darwin in action.

      • AdmiralSakai says:

        Well, historically speaking, all the soldiers died.

        • SC says:

          I mean, yeah, but surviving long enough to die of old age is a much better outcome than getting ripped apart because you tried to pull a heroic last stand or some shit.

      • SC says:

        Something I elected not to mention at the time was how all the real real warriors also tended to end their wars in peace talks rather than duking it out to the last.

        • ME-Iron-Maiden says:

          From Sun Tsu’s Art of War: “Throw your soldiers into positions whence there is no escape and they will prefer death to flight”. The ONLY times actual warriors fight to the last is when they are already dead and it’s a matter of how many they take down with them. Any smart warrior knows this and is more than willing to offer an honorable and peaceful resolution before things go to battle.

          As a tie in to personal experience: when I was in the military, I offered to train anyone who was interested in self defense. Quite a few people showed up expecting me to teach them how to most efficiently fuck someone up. Instead, a significant part of my focus was on things like spotting trouble before it erupts, how to look for trends in various areas of cities to see where the hot spots for trouble are, the habits of the local street gangs (and how to best handle them if one comes across them. Things like “if they tell you to leave, then leave without causing a scene; let them think they protected their turf and intimidated you” or “if you’re going to the rough side of town to party, first off don’t go to that part of town in the first place but if you decide to anyways then don’t get drunk and don’t be an asshole”; stuff like that. I also provided case studies to my students to illustrate what I was talking about (and being from Jackson, Michigan which is a city of only 30,000 not far from Detroit and most noted for the maximum security prison where my dad worked as a guard for 25 odd years, it’s safe to say I’m very familiar with stuff like this).

          As naturally happens, the “I wanna learn to kick someone’s ass” types got restless and demanded to be taught how to fight.

          Me: “Self defense is all about survival, not fighting.”

          Them: “But what if we need to fuck someone up?”

          Me: “I’ll be showing and teaching some techniques that will help get you out of a bad situation a little later. For now, I want to focus on the most important aspects of self defense which are being able to spot and avoid trouble as well as getting out of a potentially bad situation before things get out of hand.”

          Them: “That’s pussy shit!”

          Me: “And that mentality is why a good 15% of my high school classmates are now doing 25-to-life with their first parole coming up in 50 years.”

          Them: “But what if someone puts their hands on you?”

          Me (losing patience): “That depends on the context of the overall situation.”

          Them (getting cocky): “Well what if they do something like thi-”

          Me: *read their blatantly telegraphed attack and has them in a modified chokehold with one of their arms bent behind their back and I’m using them as a human shield against their buddies who are now getting angry; speaks loud enough for the class to her* “I could easily kill you right now. The number one rule of going hands on with someone on the street is this: if you decide to fight, you had better be willing and able to kill your opponent immediately. If you hesitate, they or their friends will kill you. There’s a reason why I put so much focus on avoiding trouble: if things go sideways, you just might have to kill someone with your bare hands and face the consequences thereof.”

          It never ceases to amaze me the people who think that just kicking the crap out of someone over an insult is justifiable manners when even in the most hardcore of dueling societies there were options outside of killing a man over an insult. Worse, they don’t think the other party is willing and able to target families, file false police reports, and other underhanded shit to get one over on the guy who just whooped their ass (to say nothing of weapons or the other guy having backup).

        • SC says:

          I took karate when I was a little kid. Me being a restless little kid, I wound up not sticking with it very faithfully, because I was, like, seven, and wanted to go play at the pool.

          But every sensei I’ve ever had who was worth a damn was a cop who folks in my hometown thought highly of.

          And the most I was ever taught by any of them was very basic-level stuff, in part due to my own restlessness preventing me from learning more and advancing through the ranks, but also because they taught flashy new tricks very, very slowly.

          It took me some time to connect the dots, but I eventually realized that the unspoken message was, “Yeah, we COULD teach you to kick every ass you see, but we’d much rather you learn how not to get caught in fighting scenarios in the first place.”

          (And probably, “smart fighters don’t tend to need more than the basics anyhow.”)

        • ME-Iron-Maiden says:

          SC: I train my kata and such as much as I can. I examine every nuance and every subtlety from every angle I can think of. As a disclaimer, I’ve been training in karate since January 2003, most of my training is bare-knuckle with only a cup and mouthguard as protective gear, and I am qualified by my own sensei to train my own students up to brown belt since I was and sill am a 1st Degree Black Belt (that was my qualifications before I joined the military in 2010; I’m on track for promotion by the end of the year which only means I’m more competent as an instructor). But my point is this: those who most advocate for violence do not understand it. I know for a fact that if I ever decide to go hands-on with someone, the odds are good that I might have to kill them.I don’t enjoy it but the fact of the matter is that if I lay someone out, they likely are armed, have backup, or both. Since that is the case, I will be one brutal son of a bitch when I have to fight. Which is also why I try to avoid fights: I know I am willing and able to kill with my bare hands if I have to but a simple insult (or even deliberately eating a punch from someone who is offended but satisfied by punching me in the face), I let it go. After all, I’m still breathing and that is the entire goal.

        • BatJamags says:

          One time I lost a fist fight with an empty cardboard box.

          I wanted to contribute, alright? And to be fair, it was an oddly resilient box.

        • agigabyte says:

          Alexandria: Ehh… I wouldn’t feel too bad. When we were thirteen, Cain lost a fight against a block from a foam pit.

        • SC says:

          Well, your first mistake was attempting to engage Snake in CQC.

        • ME-Iron-Maiden says:

          I know a guy who lost a fist fight with a board of wood.

          Now, board breaking is a common thing in martial arts and it’s typically introduced when a teacher knows their student can pull it off. The boards used are pretty standardized as 1 inch thick pine planks (since it’s a soft wood, it is forgiving of bad technique in a way since it tends to deform rather than simply no-sell the bad punch and it breaks cleanly when hit with enough force). This case isn’t a martial artist screwing up, however.

          One of my squadron mates, a man who asked me to train him and I flat out refused because he’s the kind of guy who likes starting trouble and literally asked me to teach him how to fuck people up which led me to believe that teaching him even how to throw a punch without breaking his own hand was a bad idea. Even me explaining and then demonstrating exactly why I take myself extremely seriously when it comes to martial arts didn’t change his attitude. Anyways, one night he has had a few drinks (a prerequisite for many a funny fail story) and was watching YouTube videos on proper board breaking technique and decided he could punch through a board… more specifically a plank of plywood.

          Now plywood has this connotation of “cheap” associated with it, but it is used for a reason: that stuff is extremely strong. Now, combine that with the following: if I were to teach someone from scratch how to use a punch to break a board, it would take two years for them to be able to do so without breaking their hand. This is a combination of technique (because the wrist is so flexible and the finger bones are so delicate, it requires a LOT of practice to learn and pull off the proper form without thinking) and conditioning (this is shown in makiwara where we strike hard objects to cause microfractures in the striking surfaces of the body which heal to become denser and harder over time).

          End result? He just barely avoided crippling his hand when that plywood board no-sold his punch. And I’m not above saying I got a good laugh out of it. Especially when he asked me how I would go about breaking a sheet of plywood.

          My answer was “with your skull since I’m clearly not going to endanger anything important”.

          I got a couple visiting Generals to lose their shit, laughing their asses off with that comment.

  12. SC says:

    Humans only seem to be semi-militaristic, they seem to be missing the crucial imperialistic tendencies of militarism. Which is a shame, as that would make the story much better. This humanity is far too predictable, and far too obedient to the Citadel. Shouldn’t the humans detest the Asari? They go against everything a human stands for.

    Dude, if you wanna play Warhammer 40K, just go play Warhammer 40K.

  13. SC says:

    you know I love Mass Effect but everybody is constantly whining over something.

    Could that maybe have anything to do with the fact that Mass Effect’s story is partially a space opera, and the drama which you refer to as “whining” is a crucial part of the genre’s storytelling?

    • AdmiralSakai says:

      I think he was more referring to the political “whining”, i.e. the other Council races wanting to not end up as subject races of the Systems Alliance.

      • SC says:

        Ah, I might have misread it, then.

        But on that note, oh gee, a bunch of races with long, long histories of independence and relatively peaceful coexistence don’t all want to be enslaved to the Johnny-come-lately asshole race? How terrible.

        • AdmiralSakai says:

          Ah, I might have misread it, then.

          Gosh, it’s almost like this review isn’t entirely clear what it meant!

        • ME-Iron-Maiden says:

          Also consider: in canon, humanity punched above their weight class in the First Contact War, but that was literally nothing more than what amounts to a border skirmish. Had the Turians been playing for keeps from the start, it would have been more like the Earth-Minbari War from Babylon 5.

          Humans are recognized for being clever, finding and exploiting loopholes, and being stubborn as hell. Considering how absolutely tiny the Alliance Military is compared to the human population and our tendency to change the rules of the game when we are at a disadvantage, it’s easy to see why we both got associate status inside 3 decades while also managing to rub a LOT of aliens the wrong way.

        • SC says:

          Yeah, really, the reason Shepard (and by proxy, the rest of humanity) eventually gained so much… I suppose respect, if not approval, from the rest of the galaxy – I’m accounting for people they pissed off, as well as helped out, here – was because they were resourceful, before brutish. And the handiwork of one human saved the Citadel three times in a row, made three powerful mercenary groups look like assholes on a frequent basis, took down a highly dangerous pro-humanity terrorist group, united the entire galaxy to a singular cause, and oh by the way this single human also took out the Reapers.

          Considering those achievements, it’s easy to see why the rest of the galaxy would be wary of humanity – one dude can do that, imagine what the whole of their species is capable of.

          I sincerely doubt that this fic’s rendition of humanity could ever reach those lofty heights, especially if the author ever caved to the reviewers’ whims, since apparently we’re the only reviewers with the sense enough to tell him, “hey, but how about you not, tho?”

        • ME-Iron-Maiden says:

          SC: here’s a fun fic idea (something I’m working on with my own fic in an incredibly tangental way). How about we tell the stories of those who did the grunt work and made Shepard’s plan happen? We spin the tales of the unsung grunts who held the line and lived to tell about it. We sing the praises of the petty smugglers who got the supplies in before the battles and the people out when the tide turned for the worse. We sing for those who do the dirty work, for if we don’t who will sing for them?

          *hoists a glass*

          TO CAPTAIN JERALL AND THE LUNATICS SHE COMMANDS!! FOR WITHOUT THEM, WE WOULD SURELY FALL!!!”

        • SC says:

          I’ve been tossing a very similar idea around for a Dragon Age fic (I don’t think I could ever competently write for Mass Effect, sadly) – specifically, Inquisition. A story about a team of field agents who get sent out on missions that the Inquisitor, themselves, would be way too preoccupied otherwise to handle.

          Or, like, a realistic spin on the sidequests of the game: with the mission being as urgent for the Inquisition as it is, it would make more sense for there to be dedicated teams of individuals going around and handling the smaller matters on the Inquisitor’s behalf, thereby building rapport between the Inquisition and the people they protect.

  14. SC says:

    I totally agree with your view on the batarians, I can’t understand why you would allow their slave system to continue in cannon. It’s only one race… how strong can they be against the full might of the salarians, turians and asari fleets if you just want to destroy their slave rings and mercenary/pirate groups.

    Should, uh… should we tell him that the asari have legally binding slavery, and that they, salarians and turians are some of the most frequent faces in the major Terminus mercenary and pirate groups?

    And that the Terminus Systems are equal in size to the combined Inner and Outer Council Spaces, and likely more dangerous due to their lack of adherence to Council laws?

    Even if the resulting war didn’t shred the Council fleets to fucking pieces, the political blowback would be severe enough to make up the difference.

    • ME-Iron-Maiden says:

      There’s also the little fact that invading the Terminus Systems is going to invoke the One Rule of Omega and let’s just say that Aria didn’t get to where she is by being weak or stupid.

  15. SC says:

    to ban a whole race, generations later than the cause of the ban, to space and discrimination

    Uh, the quarians gave themselves the banhammer, bud. The Council said “No AIs,” the quarians made AIs, the quarians got fucked over by AIs.

    And since the Council said “no” in the first place… well, you can’t really expect much more than a, “oh, sorry you lost your planet, broseph” from them when it comes to light that you were actively subverting their authority.

    Likewise, I’d be hard-pressed to think good thoughts about you if I found out that you got hoisted by your own law-breaking, and the consequences are now spilling over into my day-to-day.

  16. BatJamags says:

    “That also sounds like a big facility if everyone is supposed to go through it right after Basic. Which makes me wonder why there’s an experimental VI in it, and why it’s on Earth’s moon.”

    *Walks in and holds up a silver covered tray to the author*

    Sir, the plot regurgitation you ordered.

  17. BatJamags says:

    dark pink under suit.

    “But not red, of course.”

    Hey, cool white and red armo-

    “It’s darkish pink.”

  18. BatJamags says:

    Also also, Ash’s helmet is like a plumed Roman helmet except the plume runs sideways? Was that ever actually a thing?

    Actually, that was just how the Romans displayed their plumes much of the time:

    The front-to-back plume also appeared on some Roman gear, but is more associated with Greek Hoplite armor. Will put picture in second post to appease spam filter.

  19. BatJamags says:

    “And that still doesn’t explain what’s ‘omni’ about it.”

    I guess the idea is that the “plume” is a hologram with a similar aesthetic to an Omnitool, but the Omnitools are called that for a reason, so unless the plume serves as a general-purpose computer/scanner thingy, it’s not especially omni. I get the sense that its only real purpose is to be a bright glowy target sitting right on top of your helmet, because there’s no way that’s a bad idea on a modern/futuristic battlefield, right?

    • SC says:

      I recall mentioning that I’m okay with blending fantasy and sci-fi, when done right.

      Helmet plumes are one of those elements that amount to “doing it wrong.”

  20. BatJamags says:

    Liara didn’t quite understand until, she saw Ashley tap the side of her own helm. Liara blushed fiercely as she caught on and ran back to fetch her missing helmet. She was grateful that it hid her face and her embarrassment. Wrex nodded. The rest of the squad arrived with Garrus the last to stand and face the door cargo bay door.

    Why does the Normandy have an entire cargo bay dedicated to doors? Have they secretly been running supplies to BatJamags?

    As a matter of fact, they ar-

    *Rereads*

    FUCK YOUR SUPPLIES, YOU BLUSHING FUCK! I WANT A FUCKING REFUND! HERE, HAVE YOUR DOORS BACK!

    *SLAM!*

    *SLAM!*

    *SLAM!*

    *Tranquilized*

  21. BatJamags says:

    The door of the bay opened and mass effect field turned in its place to keep the air from venting into space.

    … What? Did they just switch the artificial gravity to pull the air away from the door? Because I’m now imagining the entire squad, the Mako, and all of the cargo and equipment tumbling to the back wall in a big heap.

    • SC says:

      “Joker, what the fuck did you do?!”

      “I’m not even sure why the Normandy is programmed with that function, Commander.”

      • BatJamags says:

        “That’s not what I fucking asked you, Lieutenant Moreau.”

        “Look. The Citadel just added valet parking, and the guy switched all the control settings to some ass-backwards configuration, alright?”

  22. BatJamags says:

    The slivery metal walls had pocket marks from the live ammunition being thrown at them made it seem rather bland

    Actually, I’d guess it’s either the author’s lack of description or the recycled layout and textures for the building.

  23. BatJamags says:

    “You obviously never have been on a human shore leave. The unable to get drunk part is not threw a lack of effort. Maybe if ryncol was more potent?” Ashley jumped in the air unsheathing her greatsword and slicing down on two drones cutting both in half.

    You actually managed to fit just about everything wrong with this fic into a single paragraph.

  24. BatJamags says:

    Shepard stopped and looked at her biotic aura surrounding her. It was in fact was green in color.

  25. BatJamags says:

    As they walked into the first room of the course, they were almost immediately smarmed by a clutter of drones.

    Oh, they were smarmed, were they? How fascinating.

  26. BatJamags says:

    one of the rocket drones which was shredded

  27. BatJamags says:

    Tali leaned out and fired her shotgun at one of the rocket drones which was shredded as the powerful weapon’s shot breached it shields. What happened Kaidan would remember as long as he lived. The drone exploded knocking another out whack firing on another. The third one exploded and Kaidan had to hazard a guess that some sharp metal got caught in the barrel of a fourth causing it explode as well sending a fifth ricocheting off Wrex’s face were it fell to the floor and exploded and a machine gun drone that was caught in the blast twirled and fired into another, killing that one and damaging another. The damaged one fell to the ground and exploded sending more drones that just entered the room flying back and firing into one another. Everyone’s head moved with the destruction as the drones flew about the room as they kept on inadvertently killing each other off. It the end only smoking drones and parts littered the floor.

    This serious action fic is the best most boring and daybooked slapstick comedy I’ve ever read.

  28. BatJamags says:

    The council is a useless form of government. I can’t wait for Humanity to smash the Batarians like I smash a hot chick. Long and hard.

    I would bet so much money that this guy’s a virgin. Like, so much.

    • ME-Iron-Maiden says:

      From how he wrote that, I think he’s actually hoping for Stumanity to start cross-breeding with the Batarians.

      You’re welcome for that mental image. Brain bleach is on the house today.

      • AdmiralSakai says:

        Hey, it’s the sequel to When You’re Strange that absolutely nobody wanted!

      • Anne Eyewitness says:

        I… kind of got close to writing that once.

        It was a (thankfully never finished or posted on the internet) story about an OC batarian joining the Normandy crew during Mass Effect 2, because I thought it was kind of dumb that all the batarians were exclusively evil for some reason. She was going to end up in a relationship with Miranda (despite the fact that Miranda’s canonically straight because wish fulfilment), and because I was an idiot at age fourteen so I thought putting sex in it would make it cool and mature.

        Since both characters were female, there physically couldn’t be any “breeding”, but it’s still more than enough.

        I never put it anywhere because it was terrible, it was never finished, I lack the confidence to post my work anywhere and I didn’t want to put it up one chapter at a time.

        I might go back to it at some point because somebody needs to give the batarians some nuance in the fanfiction world, but I would need to change… everything.

        • ME-Iron-Maiden says:

          I’m doing a shitload of brainstorming and note taking while I work on fixing my fic. Things like closing a massive plot hole in how a man from 2011 got into the future (no, it’s not an SI; my premise is the Mass Effect games never existed and the Mass Effect universe is the future), having a much more realistic reaction for him meeting aliens and having to play catch up, and so on. My premise is that he’s trying to make a living and being former military with investigation experience, he does bounty hunting/escort/private investigation jobs since he doesn’t have the skills to do anything else (the tech and the players change, but the game is largely the same) and he winds up entangled with crime syndicates.This would mean he would have to do business in the Terminus Systems and learn how to work with the Batarians.

          It’s long going but I’m hoping I can make it work.

        • SC says:

          I mean, not ALL batarians are bad, Garrus had a batarian on his Team of Cool Dudes who was just grumpy, more than anything.

          But I’m struggling to understand how 14-year-old you thought that lady batarian plus Lawson equals sexy funtimes.

        • AdmiralSakai says:

          Could you possibly be convinced to submit it as a guest riff?

        • Anne Eyewitness says:

          But I’m struggling to understand how 14-year-old you thought that lady batarian plus Lawson equals sexy funtimes.

          Honestly, I didn’t particularly think it did. I more thought I had to put it in, because there’s sexy funtimes in the actual game and my ORIGINAL CHARACTER would obviously have to be involved because good authors always have everything revolve around one character.

          I also never got far enough into it to actually write any sex, which is definitely a good thing because I can’t even imagine how badly I would mess it up.

        • Anne Eyewitness says:

          Could you possibly be convinced to submit it as a guest riff?

          If I can find the file, I’ll certainly make an attempt.

        • SC says:

          Honestly, I didn’t particularly think it did. I more thought I had to put it in, because there’s sexy funtimes in the actual game and my ORIGINAL CHARACTER would obviously have to be involved because good authors always have everything revolve around one character.

          That’s how Sues happen, yo.

          But on the topic of the sexy funtimes in canon (warning: diverging into personal tangent, has nothing to do with anything), I know that I joke about how Bioware would be mortally offended if they ever learned that someone played their games and didn’t go out of their way to romance anybody, but there’s a shred of truth about it:

          ME1: Liara and Ashley, if male Shepard, or Kaidan, if female Shepard, all but HURL themselves at you from practically the word go. According to several folks who played the game and tried to avoid the romance, simply telling them “no” is not guaranteed to shut it down, so the only way to dodge it is simply to not engage in the first place.

          ME2: A bit less obvious here, but the fact that the game goes out of its way to focus on Miranda’s ass, or Samara’s boobs, at any given time, really makes it clear that Bioware is expecting you to, uh, “take notice.”

          ME3: My Shepard was lesbian, so I had to deal with James flirting like a madman, Samantha Traynor asking to use my shower and dropping very unsubtle hints about her intentions, and Diana Allers all but telling me that she wants in my pants after one interview. All of which were shut down with a vengeance, because my Shepard was already committed with Liara.

          And in an entirely different series, Dragon Age:

          Origins: Morrigan tells you straight-up that having sex with her will save your life. Turning her down causes her to haul off and call you a dumbass to your face, rant about how “if you wanna die like a bitch, fine, be that way,” then permanently leave your party (if you hadn’t already given her the boot prior to that point). Her default outfit also has her boobs all but hanging out in the wind.

          DAII: Isabella. That is all. Additionally, Jethann, the elf prostitute at the Blooming Rose.

          Inquisition: The party members, themselves, don’t make a big fuss about it, but not romancing anybody eventually leads to a random pair of Orlesian nobles showing up at Skyhold, gossiping about how it’s a shame that you’re committed to the bachelor/ette life.

          So, like, Bioware probably WOULD be terribly offended if they ever learned that their players didn’t do any romances, given this evidence.

        • AdmiralSakai says:

          This is actually an issue I am currently struggling a great deal with in Palaven’s Dogs.

          On one hand, I want to counter the prevailing Bid My Bloodness of the ME fandom and present a concept of turian sexuality than isn’t stark raving bonkers, so I wanted to go into a fair amount of detail on a relationship that develops between one of the human squad members and one of the turians. On the other, I want everybody to be professionals mostly focused on stopping the Citadel Council from disintegrating into civil war and able to keep their pants on for five goddamn minutes.

          Currently I’ve set up an on-again-off-again casual rrelationship between James Vega (who only appears on one mission where he actually interacts with Shepard’s crew and then again in the endgame where he is doing his own thing) and a turian OC named Teron, which does not go into detail. I’ve fairly recently realized that accomplishes neither of my original objectives.

        • SC says:

          My Inquisition fic will probably involve zero romance, whatsoever, because even in that canon, shit needs to get done. We have precisely zero time to noodle each other. Mission first, Maker damn it.

          That does not preclude flirting, or just, crazy idea here, being bros, mind you. It’s just, unlike the Bioware method of relationship-having, there will be no looming threat of bedroom activities because someone complimented someone else.

        • BatJamags says:

          I suppose at this point the romances are just part of the experience of playing the game. It’s like a badass dating sim.

          Still a bit frustrating that the game is often not even properly equipped to handle the concept of the protagonist not having sex with at least one person over the course of the story. It’s basically a matter of time before BioWare decides that they could make more money developing really high-budget interactive porn.

        • SC says:

          Well, in the case of the Mass Effect games, ME1 was the first of the trilogy, so naturally, some of the programming didn’t take. That’s just a danger inherent with the genesis of a series. The other two games, when someone is told “no kinky funtimes,” the matter just dies, right then and there, no questions asked. Although, there is a telling bit of programming in ME2, where if you shut down a romance after you’ve been actively flirting with someone and they’re prepared to move to the bedroom, you’re physically incapable of talking to that person again, because yeah, Miranda, the middle of a suicide mission is totally the perfect time to pout about not getting the D.

          With Dragon Age, though, if you shut down a romance, that’s it, life continues on. The spurned lover is a bit salty, but they get over it quickly enough. And if you never try to engage in romance in the first place, it never becomes an issue. Really, the only way to get a romance going is to take the initiative yourself, with exception to Zevran, Morrigan and Anders – Morrigan doing the aforementioned, “have sex with me or you’ll die” thing, and Zevran and Anders both flirting with you IMMEDIATELY upon recruitment, then Anders, at least, getting bitchy if you tell him to cut it out. Everybody else, you have to put in the effort to kindle the romance, which is refreshing after dealing with Mass Effect’s “I’ve known you for all of five minutes and already want to bang you” thing. Although, there are instances of companion approval that simply don’t happen unless you take the flirty romantic option in conversation, which is another telling bit of programming if you’re trying to be everybody’s bro like I tend to do.

          So, like, the games ARE capable of handling a non-romantic protagonist, but they would largely prefer that you not do that.

  29. BatJamags says:

    Humans only seem to be semi-militaristic, they seem to be missing the crucial imperialistic tendencies of militarism. Which is a shame, as that would make the story much better. This humanity is far too predictable, and far too obedient to the Citadel. Shouldn’t the humans detest the Asari? They go against everything a human stands for.

    real warriors don’t compromise

    -The kind of attitude that makes me hate “warrior cultures” in fiction, especially when glorified. They come across looking like a bunch of violent thugs, but then everyone loves them for it.

  30. BatJamags says:

    Well this is an interesting story, I can’t wait to see what will happen with the negotiations and I totally agree with your view on the Reds, I can’t understand why you would allow their communist system to continue in history. It’s only one country… how strong can they be against the full might of the British, American and White Russian armies if you just want to destroy their Soviets and rebel groups.

    -Numerous political commentators in the early twentieth century.

  31. BatJamags says:

    You know, I purged a riff-the-reviews segment from one my The Shadow Warriors riffs for being too mean-spirited, but I think these guys actually had it coming.

    • AdmiralSakai says:

      Yeah, I just made a post in the admin page about making them a routine part of my riffs, and would highly encourage others to consider doing them as well.

      • BatJamags says:

        My biggest concern about it is that I feel it falls outside the scope of literary criticism and so is just kind of petty, especially since it attacks the fic by attacking the people who enjoy it.

        I guess I have mixed feelings, since on the other hand, the reviewers are expressing what they feel is a legitimate analysis, and their point of view is worth addressing, even if only to call it on its stupidity. Additionally, so many badfic authors feed on their reviews for inspiration, and thus it’s also somewhat relevant to the fic.

        Basically, for my riff I decided to err on the side of discretion and leave the subject alone, but I can also make a compelling argument for why it makes sense.

        • AdmiralSakai says:

          Yeah, I kind of went into this thinking of reviewers as being to some degree in a position of power or at least authority over the ‘fic author in offering something approaching criticism (especially in cases like this where the author is clearly inexperienced and actively looking for advice to improve) and so shitty reviewers actually have some small measure of responsibility to help that they are fucking up. You’ll notice that I selected reviews that actually suggested something to the ‘fic, and ignored the ones that are just “it was good”.

        • ME-Iron-Maiden says:

          Why not treat it as respecting their opinion (if they like a fic, even as we riff it) but point out flaws in suggestions?

          Such as “hey, it’s cool you like the fic, but your idea doesn’t make sense because of X, Y, and Z”. And if they pick a fight, it’s open season. Of course this only works with certain formats.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.